Original subtitles

Which brings to 12 the number of hall monitors we have for trolling on any

Tuesday during this last semester.

The report further stated that erasers and generic brand pencils aren't

as well. The PTA keeps them here.

They know we want cookies, and they hold them until the end of the meeting.

They're evil.

I'm going in, Angie. Cover me.

Amy, what are you doing?

Oh, my little Kimmy goes here now.

Oh, I didn't know accident Amy had a little accident Kimmy. No.

Which one is she?

She's that one right there.

Hi, Amy.

Hey. Oh.

Are you okay? You all right? All right. Yeah, she's okay. She's okay.

She's fine. She's good. She's good. Maybe you should have another kid just

parts.

We're not accident prone. We're just enthusiastic people with a slight depth

perception problem.

Okay.

Okay.

This is the last weekend of our chocolate bar drive. Now, our kids are

looking forward to going to Florida to watch the space shuttle launch.

So go anywhere. People are craving chocolate.

Except my son and I have dibs on AA meetings.

What do they want from us?

They had a big sale for books, a walk -a -thon for computers, and what about

that silent auction?

That was for equipment for the hearing impaired.

No one else saw the irony in that.

You're a good con.

I don't think so.

This isn't about education.

This is about sending 100 kids and their teachers on a glorified vacation to

Florida. But Max really wants to go.

Okay, how many candy bars does he have to sell? 200.

200? How many has he sold? Ten. We bought ten!

Hey, man, turn around.

George, we have to help him.

I'm so sad when our little salesman trudges home with his box full of candy

and says, I just need one good lead, Mommy. Just one good lead.

Right, I'll try to unload them at work. But I'll need time to spread the rumor

that these bars help you pass a urine test.

Okay, now it's... It's time to elect a new secretary.

Pick me. Pick me.

You have to be nominated.

George. George, nominate me.

I nominate Amy Kirkham.

Congratulations, Amy. You're the new secretary. Nobody else wants the job.

Don't worry. He's already got kids. It's good.

Right now.

Hey,

Alberto, help me out.

I'm selling this for my kid's school trip. You want to buy one? What?

One of these.

Why?

Oh, a candy bar. I already bought some.

From who?

From me.

The AC's out.

Point it toward the machines.

You know, your kid should sell her own candy.

So should yours.

Hey, this is a big factory. May the best man win. Or woman. Or manager.

Hey, Amy.

Or woman.

Hey, handsome. I'm selling candy.

Want to buy some?

Oh, yeah.

When you come back.

I'm selling candy, too, man. I'm your homeboy. We go back, man. Remember?

Remember?

Ernesto.

Your hair smells good.

Hey, smell mine too. I'm ocean fresh.

Here's all the money in my wallet.

I could compete with that, but I don't want to.

I should go down to shipping. Those guys love their chocolate.

Not if I get there first.

Watch out for the thing there.

Hey, Grandma, what's up?

Can't a grandmother just visit her granddaughter?

You never have before. The last time you were in my room, I was in a crib.

How can you possibly remember that?

You never forget the first time you smelled nicotine in Colt 45.

Well, you know, I was just waiting till you covered every inch of your walls in

stupid posters.

Look, Grandma, I know why you're doing this.

I've had a rough couple of months. Trouble at school, my best friend moving

away. But I know that you care, and I don't want you to worry.

Everything is going to be all right.

Yeah, yeah, that's nice, but that's not why I'm here.

I want to look younger.

Are you asking me to give you a makeover? I never said those exact

disappointed. I've been practicing on Max for years. Oh, he's a cute kid.

Thank you.

Tomorrow, six o 'clock. You got it.

Oh, I can't. I promised Mrs. Rinaldo I'd wheel her to the drugstore to get her

prescription. Blow her off.

So how'd it go?

Not good. We only made 75 bucks.

That's it?

Did you go to the rich neighborhoods and do that gang thing I taught you?

Show me how you did it.

Hello, I'm an at -risk youth.

If you buy these delicious chocolate bars, you can help keep me off the

and ensure your future safety.

Please, don't let me make you a statistic.

How can that not work?

Well, it didn't.

Wait, where'd you park the SUV?

Out front.

GloryMax, the little engine that could, that kept saying, I think I can, I think

I can, I think I can.

I need a number.

Five bars.

I'm never going to Florida.

Oh, no.

That's Debbie Mickens with the PTA coming to collect the money.

Collect the money? What is she, the mob?

Today's the deadline. We're supposed to have $600.

over $1 ,000 worth of bars.

He's a natural salesman.

Too bad he wants to be a doctor.

Hey, uh... Hey.

Listen, Debbie, Max wasn't as lucky as Tyler, but he did his best, and we're

proud to present you with... $120.

No problem. You can just write us a check for the rest.

Sell the candy later.

I don't want to keep the candy. I want to return the candy.

Well, the PTA doesn't want the candy.

Well, I don't want the candy either.

Well, then you should have sold it.

George, let's just write her a check, okay? Angie, that's 480 bucks on top of

what we already bought.

This family's got bigger priorities than sending Max to watch a rocket launch

from bleachers three miles away.

But, Dad, all she wants is a check.

Please. It's just one check.

Max, do you know what a check is?

Yeah. You've got a whole stack of them.

You write on it, and people give you stuff.

Max, you just can't write a check. You have to have the money to back it up.

What are you talking about?

This gives me a great idea for our next field trip, the U .S. Mint in

Washington, D .C.

Yeah, well, while you're there, Debbie, grab 480 bucks, because you're not

getting it from me.

Well. I'm sorry you feel that way.

Bye, Angie.

Bye, Max.

Bye, Debbie.

I'll see you at Tyler's birthday party on Sunday.

George, what were you thinking?

Angie, please, I'm doing the right thing.

I thought you wanted to give your kids the things that you never had.

I thought the day I got him a car seat, we were even.

George, is he?

Mac, look, I try to give you everything I can, but sometimes it doesn't work

out. But all my friends are going.

We waste money on a lot of other things.

Why does Mom need a car? She doesn't work.

Don't talk to your mother like that.

This sucks.

Hey!

He's right, George. It does suck.

And don't even think about selling my car.

But really, Angie, where do you go?

To the store.

I was kidding. Man, you're already mad.

Okay, to get rid of the bags under your eyes, I'm going to use a little

Preparation H.

Preparation H on my eyes?

Yeah, it's a beauty secret the models use.

All right.

As long as I don't have to put lipstick on my ass.

I was thinking of going sleeveless, but I want to hide this.

Whoa, Manny.

Wait, isn't that Grandpa's name?

Yep. I was 16, stupid, crazy in love.

We got matching tattoos.

It says Manny, too.

Well, if it means something, I wouldn't cover it up.

I don't think Charlie would like it.

Charlie?

Grandma's got a man. Details.

Well, he comes by work once a week, you know, to fill up the vending machines.

He's always saying, Benny, I got your cookies.

Yeah, he does.

Hey, Max.

Want me to play catch with you?

Sure. I've got plenty of time.

I'm not going anywhere. Like Florida?

Max,

I'm not doing this to hurt you.

Sometimes when you think something's wrong, you have to stand up and say so.

Even if it makes your own son mad at you.

You know, Grandma keeps a lot of cash in her bra.

I don't think you're getting my point.

And never go in there.

Even if you think you see gold.

Hey, Angie.

You remember Sue Palmer, don't you?

Yeah, isn't she one of the PTA moms?

Yep, that's Sue.

I bumped into her outside the store.

She had this box of canned goods she was going to give to the homeless shelter.

Then she saw me and said, well, I might as well cut out the middleman.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Ooh, mini raviolis.

George, she thinks we're broke because you didn't give the PTA a check.

Angie, she's joking.

I thought so, too.

her I liked her sweater, and she gave it to me.

And put a 20 in each pocket.

Where's the other one?

Don't you get it? I was humiliated.

Come on, but you know it's not true.

Angie, besides, those people don't even know what poor is.

Poor is having your mom buy one churro for nine kids and say, lick it and pass

it, lick it and pass it. Take a bite and see what's going to happen. Lick it and

pass it.

Then she'd flip it over and say, lick it and pass it. Why are you crying?

Okay, George, we can deal with this. But what about when the other kids start to

make fun of Max because they think he can't afford the trip?

Just write the check and we can go to the PTA meeting tonight.

All right.

I don't want anyone making fun of Max.

But this has gotten way out of hand.

Not to mention 500 bucks down the drain.

It's a month of groceries.

A couple months of gas, a new set of tires.

500 items from the 99 cent store.

Sign it.

25 anniversary gifts.

I am pleased to announce our candy drive was a super success.

Wait.

Almost every family met or exceeded their goals.

you gonna give her the check after the meeting this is nobody else's business

there were just a few unfortunate families who weren't able to make their

right right the um the sororians the o 'briens and the lopez's

i'm sorry i wasn't supposed to tell everybody the names of the poor people

okay i am striking the following unfortunate families from the the record

would be the sororians the o 'briens And the Lopez. And that was just it, right?

It was just the Soroyans, O 'Briens, and Lopez?

Excuse me!

I'd like to interrupt now.

The chair recognizes Mr. Lopez.

Thank you for your pity.

And cream corn.

But there's been a misunderstanding.

The Lopez's can't afford to send their son on the trip.

And I have the check right here.

Thank you, George. Let's give George a...

Now, the reason I wasn't going to give up the check was on principle.

Strip of the luxury, not a necessity.

Just want everybody to acknowledge that.

Well, I guess that all depends on how you define necessity.

No, it can only be defined one way.

Nobody needs to see a space shuttle launch.

Nobody needs to use their outdoor voice.

I don't think you're getting it, Debbie.

Look, I don't mind paying for books or computers or anything else a kid needs

get a good education, but this is way over the top.

So, before I hand you this check, we all have to agree.

Nobody needs to see a space shuttle launch. But it is a wonderful thing to

I've seen it twice.

Come on, repeat after me.

Nobody need to see a space shuttle launch.

Give me the check.

I'm trying to give you the check, but you won't help me, Debbie.

Give her the damn check and I'll...

Excuse, do not give me the check. We don't have to go through all this.

Poverty is nothing to be ashamed of.

What did you say?

Um, she said, just give me the check. And you said, there's a murder in your

eyes. I'm trying to give you the check, but you won't help me, Debbie.

And then she said some stuff that I didn't catch, but it ended with, poverty

nothing to be ashamed of. And then you said, what did you say? Like, you didn't

hear something that nasty, which I really ought to believe.

Look, a lot of people here are tired of being squeezed. But nobody wants to

speak up because they're worried everybody's going to think you're a bad

But you're not a bad parent just because you don't want to waste money on a

field trip.

Nobody needs to see a space shuttle launch. Right, Debbie?

I'm not saying it. Fine.

Then my kid's not going because I'd rather burn this check than give it to

George, don't do that. George, George, don't do that. Stop. You have to be very

careful with fire.

George!

Okay.

What came after I'd rather burn this check?

She's on fire!

She's on fire. No, it was more like... She's on fire!

She's on fire!

I hope I don't have to get another graft. I'm almost out of butt skin.

and talk to me the whole ride home.

Just give it to me, okay?

Okay.

I talked to some of the other parents while you're being interrogated by the

fire marshal.

And a lot of them felt like you do, but were too afraid to say anything. You

were right.

What?

What? I didn't expect that. Say it again.

Come on. I don't hear it that often. Let me enjoy it.

With a French accent.

You were right.

Shoo!

Oh, Mom, what's the occasion? Hey, is your pen pal getting out of prison?

That's not funny. You know he fried last year.

Don't listen to him, Grandma. I think Charlie's going to flip when he sees you

tomorrow.

Charlie from work, the vending machine guy?

Yeah. What about it?

Mom, he's married.

No, he's not. He doesn't wear a ring.

He takes it off so it doesn't get caught in the machine.

But he was winking at me.

He's got a tick.

Well, he grabbed my butt.

When?

All right, I put his hand there, but he took his sweet time.

Never mind.

Come on, Carmen. Let's go grape off the war paint.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, Benny. You're all dressed up. You should go someplace

nice and show yourself off.

There's plenty of other guys out there.

Well, yeah.

You're right.

You know what?

I think I'm going to go cruise the Home Depot and act like I don't know nothing.

Space Center in Florida.

Still bummed you didn't go on the shuttle trip?

Nah, I'm okay.

I like it better this way.

I like standing up for what I believe in.

Are you just saying that to make me feel better?

Mm -hmm.

T minus 20 seconds.

19. 18.

Holding at 17.

Hang on, folks. Apparently there's a fuel line situation.

It looks like they're scrubbing the launch.

They're scrubbing the launch!

See, if you were stuck in Florida right now, you wouldn't be able to watch this.

Not that.

This.

Yeah.

Oh, body slam.

Oh, we got to be careful.

Almost got some culture there.

Only one way to get rid of it.

Pull my finger.

This is a big factory. May the best man win. Or a woman. Or a comedian -turned

-sitcom star.

Or the ketchup or chocolate.

Oh! Take it, take it, take it. You want this?

Can you chew it?

Can you chew it?

Limbo! Chocolate limbo!

Give me that chocolate.

Give us the chocolate.