Original subtitles

Come in.

I finally left her, George.

She was suffocating me. She kept asking me, where am I going? When am I coming

home? How can you live with a woman that doesn't trust you?

Another fight with your mom?

Yeah, a big one this time.

She's not in the bag, is she?

No, dude, that's my stuff.

I moved out of my folks' house.

So where are you going to go?

Well... Remember that time you said I could stay at your house whenever I

wanted?

Man, that was in the second grade.

I was being nice to you because you gave me a valentine.

Angie, Ernie got in a fight with his folks, so is it okay if he stays here?

course. Ernie, what happened?

My mom doesn't like my new girlfriend, Linda.

She thinks Linda's using me because she's not working and she has three kids

from three different fathers and I made her a couple of loans.

Hey, man, is there a scar where your kidney should be?

You know what, Ernie? As long as she makes you happy, bro.

Oh, she makes me happy.

Believe me, she makes me very, very happy.

Okay,

Ernie, we know you've got some.

Oh, no, I didn't. But she makes me happy.

You want to play a game?

You know what? I can't right now, man. I got to read this thing for work.

Man,

you guys got the best board games.

Six, three, two, four, four, four, four,

four.

this thing by Monday. I gotta recommend a retirement plan for you guys.

This could determine whether you're playing bingo for fun or bingo for

Hey, I'm sorry.

Listen, I really appreciate you letting me stay here.

I'll just say goodnight to Linda, then you won't even know I'm here.

Hey, baby.

It's sweet daddy.

Ernie. It's Ernie.

I just, uh... I wanted my voice to be the last one you hear tonight.

Oh, you're going out?

When can I see you?

Oh, I don't know. I'll ask.

Hey, uh, can Linda and her kids come over tomorrow?

Yeah, sure. I mean, those kids have probably never seen a house without

before.

Hey, baby, I'm back.

No, Ernie.

Dad,

are you busy?

Um, yeah, Max, what do you want?

Um, can you find something for school?

We're going to the zoo, uh, science -based place.

Yeah.

Sounds like fun.

What sounds like fun?

He's going to the zoo science -based thing place.

Dad already signed it.

Give it to me. She's undermining your authority.

This is for a parent -teacher conference.

Honey, what happened?

The teacher hates me.

The teacher can't just hate you, Max. What did you do?

There was this stupid test.

I didn't feel like taking it, so I drew a picture.

Of? My teacher.

Taking a test?

In hell?

Son, that's wrong.

Max, why didn't you take the test?

I don't know.

George, our child just walked away from us.

The good one.

You know, Angie, I've got all this work to do. I mean, can you deal with it? No,

Max has never been in trouble at school before. We're both going to that

meeting. Can we do it on the phone?

I mean, my mom never went to my school.

She only went to my graduation to heckle me.

Oh, look at him, mister. Oh, you think you're all bad.

Mister high school diploma, mister. I know where Africa is.

What?

You are so damaged.

But this is important. We both got to talk to that teacher.

All right.

Hey, but listen, you know how sometimes at night you call me sweet daddy?

Don't do that anymore.

I

know,

huh?

Member, you member.

What call you at?

Right now, right now.

Go!

All about me.

Oh, George, look at these little autobiographies.

I'm Brandy. I love Britney Spears, and I don't have a dad.

because my mom says I'm pretty and the world loves a pretty girl.

There's a future stripper.

Mr. and Mrs. Lopez, thank you for coming down.

Let me start by saying Max is a joy to have in class. He's a joy at home.

You know, and he likes you too. He draws all his favorite people in hell.

Max is having real problems with his reading. Have you seen a centipede?

I don't know what that's got to do with reading, but in our house we call it a

weenus.

Um, no.

Just look up at the wall here.

You see, each time a student finishes a book, we add a segment to their

centipede. For example, Dakota here has already read 20 books this year.

Where's Max's?

It's just that head up there.

Ms. Wilder, what exactly is the problem? Well, we tested Max, and it seems he

has a learning disability.

We think he's dyslexic.

What? That can't be right.

Well, I know he's not the best student, but he's a really smart boy.

No, it has nothing to do with intelligence. It has to do with the way

processes language.

Sometimes his brain reverses letters, which makes it harder for him to

comprehend what he's reading.

Well, what can we do to help him? Well, I think that Max should begin special

education classes.

You want to put my son in special ed?

No, no way.

George, if he needs the classes... No, Angie!

You're not going to put my kid in special ed so all the other kids can

of him.

George. Mr. Lopez, if he doesn't get the tools he needs to read, he could be

held back.

You know, does every kid in this class read the way they should?

He's a boy. He'll grow out of it.

You know, I appreciate your concern, but this is a school, and you're a teacher,

so why don't you teach him? Well, why don't I let you two discuss this?

You know what? We don't need to discuss it.

Because we're Lopez's and we don't ask for help and we don't get help. And even

when we get help, we don't take it because we don't deserve it.

What are you saying?

I don't know, but I don't need your help.

Bernie, what's going on?

Oh, I'm making lunch for the kids. Then I got to take Brandon to soccer practice

and Connie to ballet.

Well, where's her mother?

Oh, it's our three -week anniversary.

She wanted to celebrate, so she went to a spa up in Ojai.

Hey, man, go like this.

This is Glenn Jr.

Hey, hey, hey, thing one, thing two, take it outside.

We can't go out. Do your ladies... working with that dumb kid.

What the hell?

Hey, not in front of Clint Jr.

Okay, what letter comes next?

G? Try again, honey.

What are you doing?

It's just an exercise.

I hold up a letter and you're supposed to tell me the letter that comes after

it. Anybody can do that.

But you have to do it without singing the alphabet song.

Right.

Oh, sure. Q. It's the hardest one.

It's supposed to be random.

Then you try it.

Okay.

F. N.

H. V.

You know what?

That's not a turn on.

Come on, kids. We got to get moving.

Hey, I don't want to be late for my mommy and me class.

Bye, guys.

Yes, Lopez.

You hear that, kid?

That's what it would be like if we sent him to special ed.

Special ed?

I don't want to be in special ed. Is that why you're doing this?

Tell the truth, Max.

Have you been doing your best at school?

No, I guess not.

You promise your mom and me you'll do better, you'll read more?

Yes.

Okay, then no special ed for you.

Thanks, Dad. I promise I'll work really hard.

What was that?

That was me making a decision without consulting you first.

And now this is the fight about that.

George, I don't want to fight about this. I want to help Mac.

We don't even know if he's got dyslexia. Why? Because one teacher said so? No,

I've been reading about it. He's got all the signs.

Not only that, George, it can be genetic.

What are you saying?

I think you have it, too.

Oh, great.

You're saying that I passed it on to him.

I don't think so, Angie.

There's nothing wrong with my centipede.

George, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Some of the most prominent people in

history have been dyslexic.

Einstein, Da Vinci, Churchill, Cher, Churchill.

Come on, if I had it.

Don't you think I'd know by now?

Not necessarily. You were on the line for 15 years. You didn't have to read.

And all these books talk about how people with dyslexia find ways to get

reading. Where does it say that?

Right here.

Read it to me.

George, you're doing it.

I can't be doing anything because I don't have anything.

And I never gave Max anything except a great head of hair.

And salmonella, that one time I tried to make my own chicken fingers.

Hey,

George, you wanted to see me?

Yeah, listen, I haven't finished reading this yet, so give me the heads up if

you see the Powers brothers on the floor.

No problem.

Well, George, did you analyze the report?

Yeah, sure. You know, I just need to make some copies. Oh, well, hell,

we don't need to read anything. We know which plan we think is best.

But what do you recommend?

Well, you know, I've been considering the Columbia 401K.

But I'm also interested in the Janus pension.

Then there's the Grubstick plan, which is the one that I recommend, man, 100%.

Wow, that would save us a bundle.

Who'd have thought you'd be against paying for nursing homes?

I guess if they're mad at you, they won't be mad for long.

Wait, wait, wait.

This is crazy.

I mean, we can't do away with nursing homes.

Hey, my mom didn't smoke for 40 years to die alone in my attic.

What are you talking about?

You know, I can't recommend anything because I didn't finish reading the

proposal.

Oh, damn it, George.

This job isn't only running the plant floor.

Well, we were worried that a guy from the line would have trouble with the

paperwork. Hey, I didn't have trouble with the paperwork. I just got caught up

with other stuff.

When do we get it? I'll have it for you tomorrow morning. First thing. Count on

it.

Hey, listen, Mom, can I ask you a question?

Hey, I'm not co -signing crap for you.

Wasn't that the toast you gave at my wedding?

No, listen.

When I was a kid, did I have trouble reading?

Yeah, you did.

You didn't read so good, and you wrote stuff kind of funny, too.

Man, did the school ever say I was dyslexic? Oh, there we go with those

labels. What difference does it make what you had?

You finished school, so you weren't the greatest student.

Well, what were you going to be, the first Mexican astronaut?

Hey, maybe.

We both know I can survive in a hostile environment with a dangerous life form.

Look, the school wanted to put you in remedial classes.

I said, no way.

I don't want the kids laughing at my son.

You already had a giant head.

No, Dad, you peed the bed. You were pathetic enough.

You know, Max has dyslexia.

And Angie wants to put him in special ed. No, forget that.

Just do what I did for you.

I held you back a year so you would look like a genius.

look like hell you've been up all night reading that proposal oh man i'm so

exhausted i don't even care about retirement just death

sweet blissful death hey

i might be a little late today i gotta take the kids for their vaccinations oh

where's linda oh she's in court she's getting custody of her two other kids

her first husband

She's got to see her parole officer.

Oh, and then she's got to retrace her steps and find her tooth.

So she's doing good.

Yeah.

Dude, she's a mess, man. She's just with you so you can take care of her kids.

Hey, that's not true.

Come on, brother. Wake up and smell the pampers.

I mean, are you really happy?

I'm so tired.

Dude, you got to tell her it's over.

Yeah, you're right.

I'm going to have to move back in with my folks.

Oh, man, I can hear my mom now.

Listen, I know this thing with Linda didn't work out, but look on the bright

side. What?

Hey, man, you got used.

Hey, Max, what are you doing up so early? I didn't finish my homework last

night.

So you're doing it now?

He said to try harder. I'm trying harder.

Not easy, is it?

It's okay.

I have to get up 20 minutes earlier.

Max, I want you to take those special classes.

You thought I didn't have to.

I know, but listen, it's 20 minutes now. Pretty soon it'll be an hour.

Someday you'll be up all night trying to finish your work thinking about sweet,

blissful death.

Look, I know what I'm talking about, okay? Because I got the same thing.

We're both dyslexic.

That means that we have a hard time with words, that something in our brain is

just connected differently.

I mean, you can have this and still be really smart like Einstein or Cher.

Of course, Einstein's theories are being challenged, but Cher, hey, she keeps

putting out the hits.

Maybe I don't have the thing. Maybe I just suck at school.

Well, see, that's the point, Max. You don't have to suck.

And with these special classes, you'll get help. You'll get more attention.

Everyone has...

Look, I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but look at me. I can't finish

and I don't want you to go through what I'm going through. I'm not going to

special ed.

You're going. No, you lied to me. No, I changed my mind. You can't make me go.

You're going. No.

Go upstairs and get ready for school. I'm taking you.

Someday he'll thank you.

Right.

Right after he thanks me for taking away his fake ID and making him break up

with that real slutty girl in high school.

Is there anything I can do?

Read this damn thing to me.

Distributions in excess of this amount will be taxable except to the extent the

distribution is allocable to your after -tax contributions made after 1980. Good

Lord, maybe you're not dyslexic.

Come on, Angie, read it to me, but, you know, make it interesting.

The amount...

Distribution...

Which is treated as a refund.

Will be given back in one lump sum.

Oh.

You know what would be really sexy?

What?

Is if you started to take notes, too.

You know, I think these colored lenses are working.

They're helping me focus on the words. I'm really enjoying reading.

That's great.

My boys are getting their read on.

How's your book?

Well, so far, the Grubstick plan has a big penalty if you retire before 65.