Original subtitles

George, there's a detective waiting for you in your office.

Do you have any idea why?

No.

Look, nobody is judging you. You are a good man and you made a horrible

You know, maybe it was for love, maybe it was the drink, I don't know.

Look, seriously man, just tell me what you did so I can help you.

I will shred files, I will lie, I will do anything.

Okay, here's the plan.

I'll go talk to the cop.

You go back to your desk and pretend nothing's wrong. Do some work, okay?

But don't pretend.

Actually, do work.

Hey, George.

Hey, Jim. What brings you down here?

You know this guy?

Our kids go to the same school.

Man, did we tear up career day or what? You with your gun and taser and me

showing the kids how to do inventory?

Sorry to bother you, but I got a warrant on one of your employees.

I got to take him in.

No way.

One of my guys?

Who am I kidding? It could be any one of them.

Reggie Grant. He beat up some guy in a bar last night.

Reggie?

Oh, man, no way, dude. I ride to work with Reggie every day.

Listen, George, I don't want to make a big thing out of this. Could you just

Reggie to come into your office?

Yeah, sure.

Hey, what happened to Reggie? He got in a fight at a bar. Jimmy's got a warrant

for his arrest.

No, no, not Reggie. He's got the best car in the carpool.

It's got different temperatures on the right and the left side.

That's very important to me. I'm going through the change.

Hey, Reggie.

Can I talk to you in my office?

Is there a problem?

No, I'm just setting up the new vacation schedule.

Oh, good. I think I got three weeks coming.

I think it's more like three to five.

That's a cop, right?

Yeah, I'm sorry, man.

Why don't we just get this over with?

Hey, who's up for lunch? Reggie, you want to go?

Not now, Ernie. Oh, come on. I'm buying today, Tubby.

You know, that's the second time in 24 hours I've been called Tubby.

You know what I like to call people?

Jim!

I'm going to save you the embarrassment of trying to wrestle me to the ground.

I don't know what happened, but... At least I don't have to buy Reggie lunch.

I saved about 70 bucks.

Okay, everybody relax.

Just a little problem with our friend Reggie.

I'm sure he'll be okay.

You know, it's not cool to ask if anyone here is a felon, but just out of

curiosity, how many of you can vote in a national election?

I wasn't joking.

in the carpool.

Jimmy Fatass, Joey Pitstains, Booger Notes Johnny, and Lily.

What don't you like about Lily?

Oh, she never has a nice word to say about anybody.

Why don't we just let Ernie back in the carpool, Mom?

He had his chance. He's such a backseat driver.

Slow down, please slow down. Stop, please stop. We're all gonna die.

Mom, you're a plain chicken with a train.

I think we should find somebody with a good car, somebody who can tell a story.

That wouldn't be so bad either.

I'm sick of being Miss Personality.

Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are you going?

I'm walking to school.

Well, since when do you walk to school by yourself?

I'm 10, Dad.

All my friends are walking to school by themselves.

Sorry, buddy. I don't think you're ready yet.

You still believe in Santa Claus.

Santa Claus would think that you're too young to walk to school by yourself.

Did you talk to him?

Yeah, we had lunch on Thursday.

Your mom will drive you. Go get a jacket.

Okay.

Hey, where did that come from? They're working on a play about safety at

and he feels he's ready to start walking by himself.

Absolutely not. He's too young.

George, we let Carmen walk by herself when she was ten.

That was different. We used to live right across the street from the school.

was never out of my sight.

And let's be honest, Angie, I mean, Carmen was our first kid.

She was like the canary in the coal mine.

Why don't we just talk about this after you see the play? You might change your

mind. Oh, man, I hope it's better than that multi -faith holiday play they had

where Abraham, Jesus, Muhammad, and Buddha were all celebrating Kwanzaa.

Street smart, street safe.

I don't know why they're making these kids do a play about staying away from

strangers. That is a parent's job.

I'll give you my play.

Everyone is bad. Thank you. Thank you.

Mom, this is important.

You didn't teach me any of this stuff. All you told me was if a stranger comes

up to you and speaks Spanish, that'd make me safe and make me exotic.

I told you I'm going to do this through the whole play. Max is nervous enough

about remembering his lines.

Hi. Thanks for coming, everyone.

The kids have worked really hard on this play.

And they've learned that by being street smart, they can be street safe.

Hey, I have a question. Yes.

That sign outside, no smoking, is that just for the kids or for everybody?

That's for everyone.

How long is the play? Just under 20 minutes.

I'll catch it on Broadway.

Okay, let's begin.

Our parents are picking us up in a half an hour.

Wrong.

Rewind.

Our parents are going to be here any second.

Right.

Press play.

Ridiculous. What are they going to learn from this? Angie on operator VCR?

Before they get here, can you help me look for my frisbee over by those trees?

You inch a dollar.

We don't talk to strangers.

You're not safe. You're not safe.

Oh, here comes a nine -year -old kid with a badge. Wow, that's going to help.

Hey, that's my kid.

Sorry, I don't talk to strangers.

How's the flight? About a pack and a half too long.

when you walked up to the teacher afterwards and demanded your tax dollars

Come on, Angie. You think that play helped Max?

The only thing he's ready for is a tiny stranger with a fake mustache who can't

stop looking at the audience.

He's not walking to school by himself.

George, it's only four blocks.

A lot can happen in four blocks.

He has no idea what's going on out there.

He's not like me when I was a kid, Angie.

He's totally sheltered. At least... I grew up in a rough neighborhood

by criminals. I was lucky.

I'll tell you your problem.

Can a day go by when you don't say that?

You have already ruined your kids by coddling them.

George was very independent.

He was crossing the street by himself when he was two.

I was looking for food.

Well, I think you're underestimating Max.

What are you guys talking about?

You.

How about I give you a little pop safety quiz?

What if it was raining and a stranger drove up and offered to give you a ride

home? I wouldn't go.

Good. Okay, now, Mac, what if someone came up to you and said, your mom told

to give you a ride home?

I still want to go.

Now, what if the guy said your mom and dad were in a very bad accident, losing

blood fast, and if you didn't come right away, you'd never see your parents

alive again?

Hey, George, that's enough.

That's okay, honey, that's not gonna happen. Why don't you go to bed and I'll

up in a minute, okay?

George, you're being ridiculous.

Max can handle it.

I don't care what she says.

I don't think Max is ready to walk to school until he learns about the real

world. I'll tell you what I did when you were a kid.

I used to read the newspaper to you right before bed.

Remember the Zodiac Killer?

You'd say, he's not coming here, is he, Mommy?

I'd look at the paper and tell you, he doesn't say.

Yeah, I remember. No green eggs and ham, no cat in the hat, just nut kills 12.

Night -night.

What are you doing?

Well, Max, the movie, and I don't want your mom to know. Well, I want a new

sweater.

I'm sure we can make some sort of agreement.

What's the agreement? You don't tell Mom, and I'll do whatever I want.

All right.

This movie might be a little mature for you, but I think it's more important

that you learn that not everyone out there is a nice person.

What's the movie?

Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

I queued it up to the educational part.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Are you insane?

Not compared to them.

Angie, this is how kids learn. They watch scary stuff, they get nightmares,

learn to be careful.

Max doesn't need to watch these movies to walk to school, which he is doing

Monday morning.

I'll take this.

Well, there's no lesson here, but...

Let's see what happens when leprechauns go bad.

Okay.

The next contestant for the carpool opening is Danny Boy.

He's on line two.

You're on, Danny Boy.

boy if you join the carpool you have to come to work every day not on the days

that i drive bye daddy boy send the next one in

um i want a chance to get back in the carpool state your name you know

my name state your name ernesto cardenas this dope will do anything skip

around like a pony and slap your own ass

I'm asking everybody what kind of car they drive to see how they'll fit in the

group. Oh, well, I drive a Subaru Brat.

Now, I'll be honest, there's no radio, no air conditioning, and once in a blue

moon, fire comes out of the vents.

Next. Hey, no, I prepared a joke.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Banana. Banana who? Knock, knock. Would you say orange and get out of here

already?

I was going to say mango.

Mango who?

Mango in your carpool. Why can't it be me?

Hey, guys, I'm sorry. I can't wait any longer. I got to pick up my new van.

If it matters, it's got a VCR, little TVs in the headrest.

Color? Oh, yeah.

Ernie, knock, knock.

Who's there?

That's you, brother.

Honk a few times, get out of your car, skip around, and slap yourself on the

ass. I just want to see somebody do this.

So, Monday's the big day, huh?

You gonna let Max walk to school or what?

Angie says yes, but I don't know.

And all of a sudden I'm a crazy man for worrying about my kid.

Hey, here's an idea, Einstein.

Why don't you follow him to school?

Yeah, but what if he thieves me? I don't want to hurt his confidence.

Frank's picking you up, Mandy. Let him drive you.

Hey, why weren't you this smart when I was a kid?

What are you talking about?

I know you followed me to school in your car.

No, I didn't. Yes, you did. We had a gold Chevy Citation with three hubcaps.

George, that was 90 % of our neighborhood.

Hey, honey, remember everything we talked about?

You got my cell phone?

It's in my pocket.

And what number do you call if you're in trouble?

911. Good boy.

Okay, George, Max is leaving.

Wait, I have to leave before you. I can't bear to watch you go.

I can't wait.

I'm going to be late. Okay, then I need something out of your backpack.

Hey! George!

An eraser in the shape of an army man. Got it, bye.

You're coming.

Hey, Frank, thanks for coming by. so I can get a head start on my kid. Yeah, no

problem. Listen, just so I know, for my own comfort, why are we following him?

Today's the first day he's walking to school alone.

There he is.

Start driving.

You know, they got a chip you can put in between dogs' shoulder blades nowadays

so you always know where they are.

So if anything happens to this kid, you might want to get a dog.

How are you going to do this? Just until I'm sure he can handle himself.

Well, how are you going to know unless something happens?

Dude, could you be less supportive?

You know, I was watching this news show and they had these kids at a playground.

This undercover reporter came and asked them if they wanted to come and play

with his puppy.

And what happened?

Every single kid went with him.

Every kid?

Almost every kid. The rest of the kids came when the guy promised to take them

to go see Santa Claus.

Thank God.

Pull up to Max.

What for?

I'm going to test my kids.

When you get next to him, I'm going to tell you what to say. I want to see if

you'll get in a stranger's van.

You know, I don't know about this, George, really.

Hey, you want to stay in the carpool?

Is it going to be like this every morning?

There he is right there.

Get his attention.

Hey, hey there, buddy.

Hey, Frank, tell me you lost your puppy.

Hey, you see my puppy around here anywhere?

I lost him. I don't know this neighborhood too good.

Hey, ask him to get in and help you look for the puppy.

Hey, you want to hop in, help me look for him?

I'll give you a couple bucks.

Oh, that's good.

Hey,

you've never done this before, have you?

to max tell him you got an xbox in here where's the xbox i want to play

timmy be quiet and i'll give you all the change that's in my pocket hey you know

i got an xbox in here you want to you want to come in and play with it

Well, hey, Jim.

What's he doing here, Jim?

He's walking my kid to school.

What are you doing back there? Hey, Jim, listen, I know this looks funny, but I

was worried about Max walking to school all by himself, so I thought maybe I'd

test him to see if he'd get in a stranger's van, but Timmy got in

Timmy, is that true?

He said if I keep my mouth shut, I can have what's in his pocket.

Okay, I'm going to ask you guys a couple questions.

George, I want out of the carpool.

Hank, you were out of the car for the minute. You tricked Timmy into this van.

I told you I could make it to school and back all by myself, and nothing went

wrong. Except there was this van, and the driver tried to talk to me, but I

away. You did great, honey.

You have to be careful about people in vans, because some of them are...

We're really proud of you. You've proven to us that you're a responsible young

man. Thanks.

Oh, can I get my cell phone back?

I'll go get it back tomorrow.

Where is it?

I loaned it to Yoshi.

He misses his friends in Japan.

As far as the phone company's concerned, Yoshi stole it.

You realize what you did was crazy.

Maybe.

But at least my heart's in the right place.

George, I know your heart's in the right place.

And your head's almost far enough up there to be right next to it.

I can't help but worry about Max.

Angie's such a sweet little guy.

But, George, we have to let him grow up.

It's happening so fast.

I know.

I mean, now he's walking himself to school.

Next thing, he'll be in college.

He'll be out of our lives.

gonna work in the factory with your dad aren't you

hey

george uh you wanted to see me frank dropped out of the carpool yeah so we

a vote yeah and you lost oh so we took another vote yeah and you lost

again oh but we took another vote yeah and you lost again

George, how many more times are you going to put me through this?

Until it's not fun anymore.

Okay. So we took another vote.

Yeah.