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All language subtitles for George Lopez s01e03 Happy Birthdays

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:21,700 Oh, God, we're calling. He's going to be a few minutes late. Well, yeah, when 2 00:00:21,700 --> 00:00:25,780 you see him, tell him I said... Hey! 3 00:00:27,300 --> 00:00:28,880 How come you didn't say hi to me? 4 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:30,460 Hey, man, I went like that. 5 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,820 You turned away before I came back up. 6 00:00:35,220 --> 00:00:36,220 Wait for me. 7 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:00,120 What time you at? 8 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:03,960 Right now, right now? 9 00:01:06,820 --> 00:01:07,820 Let's go! 10 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,600 Okay, you guys all know the drill. 11 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:13,860 Today's my birthday, but it's nothing special. 12 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:17,240 It's just a Wednesday, just like any other Wednesday. 13 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:20,780 Oh, come on, Dad. You're no fun. You never let us buy you birthday presents. 14 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:22,540 What are we celebrating, anyway? 15 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:24,680 You're another year closer to death. 16 00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:28,600 Congratulations. Here's the tie. 17 00:01:30,940 --> 00:01:35,600 George, before you say no, I have a little something for you. Angie, no. 18 00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:39,120 Relax. It's just something I made on the computer. 19 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:44,200 This certificate entitles you to win one fight. 20 00:01:47,220 --> 00:01:50,160 Even though you are clearly losing because you are obviously wrong. 21 00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:54,080 Offer not valid in public. 22 00:01:58,480 --> 00:01:59,720 Come on, Mom. That's not what he wants. 23 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:01,320 Crappy birthday, Dad. 24 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:02,760 Thank you. 25 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:05,340 Okay, so much for Mr. Sunshine. 26 00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:11,600 Max, you're the big 1 -0 next week. How about this year we have your first 27 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,540 really big birthday party? 28 00:02:13,940 --> 00:02:15,400 What are we celebrating anyway? 29 00:02:15,660 --> 00:02:17,520 I'm just another year closer to death. 30 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:24,020 Okay, but double digits is a pretty big deal. Don't you want to do something 31 00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:25,200 special? Nope. 32 00:02:28,140 --> 00:02:29,140 I don't either. 33 00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:34,040 That one we're raising right. 34 00:02:36,580 --> 00:02:39,500 What kind of kid doesn't want to have a big birthday party? 35 00:02:39,820 --> 00:02:41,620 That is the saddest thing I've ever seen. 36 00:02:41,980 --> 00:02:43,760 When was the last time you saw my mom in a swimsuit? 37 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,600 Well, you know he's only saying that because he wants to be like his dad. 38 00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:51,900 What's wrong with that? 39 00:02:51,940 --> 00:02:53,460 All kids want to be like their dad. 40 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:55,580 I'm a good driver like my dad. 41 00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:59,400 Difference is, when I leave for work in the morning, I don't keep going for 35 42 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:00,400 years. 43 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:05,840 But with your promotion, we can afford to do something really special this 44 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:07,660 We could get a magician and a bouncy house. 45 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:10,680 Angie, come on. We've always had small parties for the kids. 46 00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:13,500 Just because I'm making a little money now doesn't mean we should start 47 00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:17,000 them. But you see how he lights up when he goes to parties and they've got games 48 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,200 and trampolines and cartoon characters? 49 00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:21,060 But do kids need all that stuff? 50 00:03:21,460 --> 00:03:22,700 Angie, think about it. 51 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:27,100 When I was 10, there wasn't trampolines and cartoon characters. I never went to 52 00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:28,100 Chuck E. Cheese. 53 00:03:28,140 --> 00:03:30,700 My mom said, you want to see a mouse? Pull the refrigerator out. 54 00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:36,580 There's about five Chuckies running around back there. 55 00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:39,940 Okay, how about we have a party, but we keep it simple. 56 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:43,880 12 friends, Spider -Man, a few presents, chocolate cake. No. 57 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:48,460 Three friends, no entertainment, one present, and a baked potato. 58 00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:52,690 I'm starting low. 59 00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:03,450 What's up? 60 00:04:03,530 --> 00:04:06,630 Hey, George, George, wait a second. Stand right there. Right there, right 61 00:04:20,519 --> 00:04:22,800 My wish is that we all don't die in a blazing inferno. 62 00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:26,060 George, it doesn't come true if you say it out loud. 63 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,500 Come on, Ernie, we've been friends a long time, man. You know how I feel 64 00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:32,239 my birthday? 65 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:36,200 Well, yeah, but you're manager now, and everybody's going to do something for 66 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:39,140 you, and I didn't want to be the only one not sucking up. 67 00:04:41,060 --> 00:04:44,780 On a totally different subject, you smell fantastic. 68 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:47,640 Shut up. 69 00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:49,620 All right, everybody. 70 00:04:54,390 --> 00:04:57,430 cupcakes. If you really want to do something for my birthday, you'll help 71 00:04:57,430 --> 00:04:58,430 a new safety record. 72 00:04:58,910 --> 00:05:03,310 If we make it two more days, I'll be the first manager to deliver a full month 73 00:05:03,310 --> 00:05:05,730 without injuries in the history of the company. 74 00:05:08,030 --> 00:05:12,590 On a related note, drug testing will resume next Monday. 75 00:05:14,710 --> 00:05:15,710 Hi, everybody. 76 00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:17,770 Good to be back. 77 00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:19,350 Hey, everybody, look. 78 00:05:19,730 --> 00:05:20,870 It's accident Amy. 79 00:05:26,890 --> 00:05:27,970 arm you got from the drifter. 80 00:05:28,210 --> 00:05:33,610 Oh, you guys, my arm got crushed, not torn off. See, everything is okay. 81 00:05:36,230 --> 00:05:40,310 Listen, Amy, while you're still recuperated, why don't you spend the 82 00:05:40,310 --> 00:05:42,570 days working in my office where it's nice and safe? 83 00:05:42,790 --> 00:05:45,130 I thought I was going to go back onto my machine, you know, get back on the 84 00:05:45,130 --> 00:05:48,850 horse. Like they say, you crush my arm once, shame on you, crush it twice. 85 00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:54,090 You're like a moth, aren't you, Amy? 86 00:05:54,330 --> 00:05:55,970 Don't worry, it'll still be there in three days. 87 00:05:56,510 --> 00:05:57,510 Good to have you back, Amy. 88 00:05:57,750 --> 00:05:58,750 Hi. 89 00:05:59,110 --> 00:06:00,110 These are from the gang. 90 00:06:00,810 --> 00:06:02,790 We tipped in $25 for them. 91 00:06:03,250 --> 00:06:05,690 Well, I accidentally counted you. Oh. But, you know, you can pay me whenever. 92 00:06:05,830 --> 00:06:06,830 Okay. Okay. 93 00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:33,800 Okay, I got Danny Boy on line one and some guy from your credit card company 94 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:34,800 line two. 95 00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:37,000 Give me Danny Boy. 96 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:06,360 bucks on party catering. 97 00:07:07,820 --> 00:07:09,680 No, I didn't use my card for that either. 98 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,040 How much for decorations? 99 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:14,840 Oh man, I see what's going on here. 100 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:16,719 It's Angie. 101 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,940 She's throwing a big party for Max and we agreed not to. 102 00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:21,160 Oh, your wife too? 103 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,420 I know, it's awful. 104 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:26,620 That's right, she's gonna spoil him. 105 00:07:27,620 --> 00:07:29,920 No, I wouldn't call my wife a lying tramp. 106 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,680 I don't care if your wife is selfish in bed. 107 00:07:38,190 --> 00:07:40,090 worried your boss might be monitoring this call? 108 00:07:41,990 --> 00:07:42,990 Oh, hi, Phil. 109 00:07:46,730 --> 00:07:48,690 Thanks for the ride, Mom. See you tomorrow. Bye. 110 00:07:51,830 --> 00:07:52,990 I'm not going anywhere. 111 00:07:53,230 --> 00:07:54,370 You're going to fight with Angie. 112 00:07:56,470 --> 00:07:59,510 I'm not even going to go out for a smoke because I don't want to miss the 113 00:07:59,510 --> 00:08:00,510 beginning of the fight. 114 00:08:01,450 --> 00:08:03,450 Come on, Patch. Do your thing. 115 00:08:07,290 --> 00:08:09,620 There it is. Yes, the love I never got. 116 00:08:16,260 --> 00:08:18,800 Uh -oh, your father's home. Go hide these bags in your room. 117 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,660 Mom, why are you throwing Dad a surprise birthday party anyway? 118 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:25,520 I mean, why don't you put Moulin Rouge on and dance around for him like you did 119 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:26,520 on your anniversary? 120 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:29,640 How'd you know about that? 121 00:08:29,660 --> 00:08:32,520 Oh, hey, don't worry about it. You're a good example for me. I mean, you're a 122 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:33,399 loving couple. 123 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:34,500 My friends thought so, too. 124 00:08:36,620 --> 00:08:37,620 No more sleepovers. 125 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:41,960 Showing your father a surprise birthday party because he never had one as a kid. 126 00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:43,020 He's going to love it. 127 00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:48,660 Hey, George. 128 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,240 Benny. Showtime. 129 00:08:53,260 --> 00:08:54,260 Everything okay? 130 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:56,920 Let's talk in the yard. My mom wants to smoke. 131 00:09:11,060 --> 00:09:13,160 Angie, do I look like a stupid man? 132 00:09:13,740 --> 00:09:16,740 What? Do I look like an idiot? Do I look like a moron? 133 00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:18,300 Do I look like a buffoon? 134 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,920 Hey, no one's forcing you to go to Supercut. 135 00:09:24,260 --> 00:09:26,420 I just got a call from a credit card company. 136 00:09:27,580 --> 00:09:29,140 $500 worth of party stuff? 137 00:09:29,380 --> 00:09:30,380 Oh, no. Oh, yes. 138 00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:32,300 George knows. 139 00:09:34,580 --> 00:09:35,580 George is smart. 140 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:38,080 Wait! 141 00:09:39,380 --> 00:09:40,380 George is talking. 142 00:09:44,980 --> 00:09:45,980 Hey, 143 00:09:46,940 --> 00:09:51,640 what happened to communication and trust and all that crap that was in our 144 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:52,640 marriage vows? 145 00:09:56,260 --> 00:09:57,260 Why don't you say anything? 146 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:00,400 Does this mean I won? 147 00:10:03,220 --> 00:10:06,820 The $500 worth of party stuff was all for you. 148 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:10,440 I just wanted to give you the birthday party that you never had as a kid, you 149 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:11,480 big stupid jerk! 150 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:44,760 Like a freeway off -ramp. 151 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:49,080 I was going to get you some oranges, but I couldn't do a U -turn. 152 00:10:50,980 --> 00:10:52,840 Come on, Angie. I thought I was wrong. 153 00:10:53,340 --> 00:10:55,480 George, you always do this. You jump to conclusions. 154 00:10:56,140 --> 00:10:58,660 Remember the time I came home late and you thought I was cheating on you? 155 00:10:59,940 --> 00:11:01,360 I was insecure back then. 156 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,700 I couldn't believe a woman as beautiful as you would be with a guy like me. 157 00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,280 I thought you had to stay with me a month to win a bet. 158 00:11:08,820 --> 00:11:10,800 And every month since then has been double or nothing. 159 00:11:23,630 --> 00:11:24,630 put you up to this? 160 00:11:25,010 --> 00:11:27,190 No. Lie and you go to hell. 161 00:11:29,490 --> 00:11:32,830 It's already hell here with all the yelling and everything. 162 00:11:36,870 --> 00:11:37,870 Couple of notes. 163 00:11:38,750 --> 00:11:44,110 You came in a little early and I didn't believe you at the end. 164 00:11:45,710 --> 00:11:46,710 But nice try. 165 00:11:47,930 --> 00:11:54,890 I was trying to do something. special for you and you ruined it why are you 166 00:11:54,890 --> 00:11:58,530 doing it you know i don't like birthdays because for once in your life you 167 00:11:58,530 --> 00:12:03,150 should do your birthday up right then max can copy normal behavior hey what's 168 00:12:03,150 --> 00:12:07,130 not normal about my behavior you're all screwed up about birthdays no i'm not 169 00:12:07,130 --> 00:12:13,710 okay what's your best birthday memory this one 170 00:12:13,710 --> 00:12:17,470 it's been an enormous amount of fun 171 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:23,620 ruined birthdays for you, and now you're ruining them for your son. 172 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:26,860 Hey, my mom may have been wrong about a lot of things, but in this case, she's 173 00:12:26,860 --> 00:12:27,739 right on the money. 174 00:12:27,740 --> 00:12:31,560 She didn't spoil me. I'm not spoiling Max, and you know what? I'm not spoiling 175 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:32,560 you either. 176 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:33,600 No makeup sex. 177 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:39,840 Unless you want it. 178 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:19,060 Lighting is responsible for 50 % of the accidents in the workplace. Did you know 179 00:13:19,060 --> 00:13:20,060 that in 1992? 180 00:13:21,220 --> 00:13:22,700 I see it. I see it. 181 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:29,580 In 1992, there was a study that... Are you okay? 182 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,580 Yeah, yeah. My leg broke my fall. 183 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:35,480 Damn, Amy, how old are you? 184 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:36,720 30. 185 00:13:37,700 --> 00:13:38,700 How? 186 00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:44,560 George, if you need my truck to move your stuff out of your house, you know 187 00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:45,560 can. 188 00:13:46,990 --> 00:13:47,990 What are you talking about? 189 00:13:48,050 --> 00:13:50,770 Well, your mom's telling everybody on the floor that you're getting a divorce. 190 00:13:52,970 --> 00:13:55,510 No, I just had a fight with Angie last night, that's all. 191 00:13:55,790 --> 00:13:56,930 Oh, okay. 192 00:13:57,650 --> 00:14:00,070 Well, you know, you can still stay over at my place for a while. 193 00:14:00,290 --> 00:14:03,250 Yeah, it'll be great, man. I got chips, beer, a satellite dish. 194 00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:07,230 And my mom goes to bed about 9 o 'clock, so we can watch whatever we want. 195 00:14:09,050 --> 00:14:10,510 It wasn't that big a fight, Ernie. 196 00:14:10,770 --> 00:14:11,770 Oh. 197 00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:13,530 Well, you think she'll let you sleep over anyway? 198 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:19,280 Stop telling everybody Angie and I are getting a divorce. 199 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:22,300 She wanted to throw me a party, and I didn't want one. That's all. 200 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,220 Why does she want to throw you a party? 201 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,240 Mom, do you have any idea what yesterday was? 202 00:14:27,540 --> 00:14:28,540 Yeah, Wednesday. 203 00:14:29,420 --> 00:14:31,140 And I know who the president is, too. 204 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:33,400 You're not putting me in a home yet. 205 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:36,620 Oh, Mom, think back. 206 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:39,620 Think back 36 years ago from yesterday. 207 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,960 Think back to how you got the name Mom. 208 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:46,200 No, it was your birthday? 209 00:14:46,780 --> 00:14:49,020 Why does Angie want to ruin it with a big party? 210 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,060 Once those Cubans get off the island, they want to celebrate everything. 211 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:58,340 No, Angie's got this hang -up about birthdays. Like, they got to be this big 212 00:14:58,340 --> 00:15:01,480 deal. I told her, hey, I wasn't raised that way. 213 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,460 You damn right you weren't. 214 00:15:03,740 --> 00:15:06,560 You give a kid a big birthday party, you know what comes next? 215 00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:08,020 High expectations. 216 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:09,800 You got that right, Mom. 217 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:13,200 You think life is going to give you everything you want. 218 00:15:13,540 --> 00:15:17,030 You know, first it's the bouncy house and the clowns. then that's not enough. 219 00:15:17,230 --> 00:15:22,470 No. Then you expect to go to high school and graduate and get a job. 220 00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:26,870 It does not stop there because now you're spoiled. Now you want somebody to 221 00:15:26,870 --> 00:15:29,370 marry you and love you for the rest of your life. 222 00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:34,070 All because your mommy threw you a birthday party. 223 00:15:35,830 --> 00:15:36,850 Wait a second. 224 00:15:37,730 --> 00:15:40,690 Is that why you never threw me a birthday party so I wouldn't expect to 225 00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:41,690 happy? 226 00:15:41,930 --> 00:15:46,910 George, if you expect a dog to bite you, You'll be happy if all he does is poop 227 00:15:46,910 --> 00:15:47,910 on your shoes. 228 00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:52,170 Mom. Huh? 229 00:15:52,730 --> 00:15:54,670 You are one twisted old vieja. 230 00:15:57,470 --> 00:15:59,230 I gotta go throw my kid a party. 231 00:16:01,930 --> 00:16:02,930 Oh. 232 00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,070 There's your phone call. 233 00:16:05,790 --> 00:16:08,710 I answered the fan. 234 00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,110 Damn, we were so close to the record. 235 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,040 It is 5 o 'clock. 236 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,560 You only turned ten once, so we went all out. 237 00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:57,920 Hey, Mr. 238 00:17:00,940 --> 00:17:01,940 Birthday Man! 239 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:06,240 It's me! 240 00:17:06,319 --> 00:17:07,540 Dos Equis, the clown! 241 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,780 Hey, look at his funny nose and his giant ears! 242 00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:12,920 Hey, these are my regular ears. 243 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:16,599 Oh, now look, it's Dos Equis, the sad clown. 244 00:17:18,180 --> 00:17:21,839 I think I'll open my gift and go back to bed. Wait, wait, wait. Before you open 245 00:17:21,839 --> 00:17:23,319 that, you've got a choice to make. 246 00:17:23,589 --> 00:17:27,690 You can have that present or what's behind the blinds. 247 00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:15,180 I don't need a cake or a bouncy house. 248 00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:18,260 I just want to be surrounded by my family. 249 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:20,280 In a brand new car. 250 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:24,540 Deal. Right after a big screen TV flies out of my butt. 251 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:28,340 Hey, come on, Dumbo. I need your ears for shade. 252 00:18:28,980 --> 00:18:30,440 Does no one notice the nose? 253 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,160 Look how happy Max is. 254 00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:38,440 I'm glad we did this. 255 00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:39,700 Me too. 256 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:42,360 Sorry I blew up at you. 257 00:18:44,430 --> 00:18:47,370 You know, there are still some surprises left. 258 00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:51,170 Yeah? Well, you know, I was going to have that party for you, and I thought 259 00:18:51,170 --> 00:18:53,730 would be great if I could get one of your childhood idols. 260 00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:54,809 You're kidding. 261 00:18:54,810 --> 00:18:55,850 You got Eric Estrada? 262 00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:58,010 Even better. 263 00:19:01,250 --> 00:19:02,430 Oh, my God. 264 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,880 This is just his very first birthday party. I wish he was drunk. 19863