Original subtitles

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

Pop sticks and here's a glue.

What are you going to make?

A mask.

Come on, Andy. What did Nick teach you in art class?

He taught me to let your artistic ideas spill out all over the place.

Sure, that's because he doesn't have to clean it up.

I'm going to make a present for Nick.

I'm going to miss my art class.

I know you are, Andy.

Where does it have to end?

Well, because the community center needs the space.

And the class was only for six weeks anyway, so it has to end.

I can't work under these conditions.

Hi, guys. Well, this was a successful trip to the supermarket.

And good news, there was a special on Turkey Franks.

It was not a special. Sure there was. Buy 300, get one free.

What's all this stuff?

Oh, Andy's making a farewell gift for Nick.

A farewell gift for Nick?

Dad, relax.

Nick's not going anywhere.

It's just that his art class is ending.

That's the thing. I picked up Andy there last week, and I saw Nick teaching.

He's wonderful with those kids.

And he's not taking the sitting down.

He wants to start his own art school. He went to the bank today to get a loan.

A loan? They won't even give him a calendar.

Don't laugh. Alex went with him. I think he really has a chance.

Just explain to me, Nick. Explain to me how you could do that, okay?

You completely blew it. What happened?

What happened? We got out of the bank. My favorite bank.

They love me there. I mean, the bank manager's got a picture of me on his

So what went wrong?

Hey, I don't know.

I walk into the bank. I go up to the guy behind the counter, and I say, I need

$5 ,000 and quick.

So? So he rang the alarm.

I had to identify him to the police.

I hope the bank invites me to the annual money fondling picnic again.

Well, I guess that's the end of the art school.

This seems so wrong. I mean, all you need is $5 ,000.

You know, I don't think you have any other choice.

There's only one place to go to get this money, and you know it.

Where's that?

It's your father.

Uh, no way. I told you, he and I are not on speaking terms. There is no way that

I am asking him.

Okay, everybody, paintbrushes down.

All right, all right, let's check it out, see what we got here, huh?

Hey,

you know something?

We're good.

You know something?

You're right.

are good.

This is great, huh?

Anyway, next week we are going to do collages.

What about the week after that?

There isn't going to be any week after that, honey. Class is over then.

Hey,

but that does not mean you guys got to stop doing your work, right?

Okay, now come on. Let's get your coats and everything. Everybody find your

moms. Bye -bye. We'll see you next week.

Nick, I already did my work.

Oh, hey, Andy. This is very creative you got.

Let me see. A house with a tree and a birdie mowing the lawn?

That's not a bird. That's dad.

Really? I thought that was your mother.

Oh, no, no, no. That's definitely you, Mr. Keaton. Check out the spindly legs.

Always a pleasure, Nick.

Hey, bye -bye, Andy.

Bye -bye. Bye -bye, Miss Keaton.

Bye -bye, art class.

Nick, you can't let this happen.

You've got to keep teaching.

I don't know. What am I going to do?

How about your father?

Oh, no, no, no. He is not going to help me.

He has to. Nick, that's the rule.

Fathers have to help their children.

Mal, he walked out on us when I was 11 years old.

Well, do you know where he is now?

Yeah, sure. He's got a used car lot downtown.

Joe Moore's Motors.

Joe Moore?

I don't know. He used to do that at home, too.

Nick, a lot of time has passed. I mean, maybe he's changed.

Nick, give him a call.

If he doesn't want to see you, fine, forget it.

But if he does, then maybe you can work something out.

Hey, is my old man here yet?

No, no.

Come on in.

you don't mind me having this little family reunion here. You know, I thought

it'd be a good idea for me and my father to meet on neutral territory.

Nick, let me tell you something, okay?

This is our living room.

Switzerland is neutral territory.

But, uh, listen, T .J. Potter's coming over, and he has that lot full of used

cars. What if you could mention to him that I happen to be in the market for a

very reliable, I mean, bargain price, rock bottom, almost free,

Jaguar.

Look, Alex, Alex, you don't understand.

Me and my old man, we don't get along.

You know, I ain't got nothing to talk to him about.

You don't know how lucky you are to have a dad who loves you. You know, a dad

with class, a dad you can be proud of.

Turkey Franks, anyone?

I got Turkey Frank pate.

I got Turkey Frank meatballs.

And my personal favorite, Turkey Frank Sinatra.

You were saying, Nick?

Hey, okay, okay, okay, okay. Stand back.

I'm going to open the door now.

Are we greeting your father or molten lava?

Joe,

I'd like you to meet Mrs. and Mr. Keaton.

Hey. Hey.

Alex and Jennifer.

Hey.

And my lovely girlfriend, Mallory.

Mallory. I love your work. Yeah.

And now that you've met me, I want you to meet my better half, my car.

Ain't she a beauty?

I call her Marie.

You got yourself a good woman there, Joe.

You know, if you like her so much, she just happens to have a twin down at the

lot, name of Joanne.

Joanne recently passed her admissions test.

Joe, Joe, Joe, these people do not want to buy a car. Hey, hey, hey, don't go

nuts, okay?

It's a reflex.

I sell, I sell.

Excuse me, Joe.

Listen, I was just wondering, how much would a couple of classy girls like

and Joanne send a guy like me back?

Emotionally, I don't think I can bear to part with either one of them.

But $7 ,000 might help me compensate for any severe separation anxiety.

Well, why don't we all sit down and get to know each other, huh? That's a good

idea, Nick. You always want the one with the brains in the family.

an hors d 'oeuvre, Joe.

Oh, I don't mind if I do. Oh, look at that turkey face. They're gorgeous.

Look, Joe, about this business proposition, what I want to do is start

school... Business later.

The night is young.

Look, look, look, Joe, this is very simple and I would really like to get it

of the way. Okay?

Nicky, you'll miss your old man, huh?

Come over here. Come here. Give me a hug. Give me a hug.

Come on.

Hey.

Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. What's this?

It's a bread box for Nick.

A bread box? Wait a minute. I thought we decided what we were going to make for

Nick's farewell present.

Huh? What did we say we were going to make?

The Reagan Ranch.

Right. That's right. I got the plans right here.

I even... Oh, this is great.

I even have plans for a little...

Popstick Ron and a little Popstick Nancy.

How about a Popstick jail for his cabinet?

Yeah. Okay.

I get it. I get it. The minute I leave, you guys, you guys turn on me. You

change your mind. All right, that's fine. I don't need you guys.

I will build my own Reagan Ranch.

I will build my...

Popstick Empire.

Oh, no, you don't. No, you don't. I stayed up all night eating ice cream.

Popstick.

Nick, I'm so excited. We're going to see 101 Dalmatians for the 101st time.

Quick, quick, quick. Turn on the TV. I don't want to miss any of the barking.

Oh, God, this is embarrassing.

I've got to turn it down.

Oh, Nick.

You have to be a little bit more understanding.

I mean, Joe does things the best way he knows how.

I mean, granted, he's not the classiest guy in the world. I mean, he's not you.

I think that's just it. You know, you caught all the breaks.

Your dad's smart.

Your dad's intellectual.

Your dad's distinguished.

Oh, boy, 101 Dalmatians.

Did I miss any barking?

You see, Mel? You see, my father never did anything like this with me.

You know, Mr. Keaton, in a way, my father's not my father.

You're my father.

Oh, Nick.

Don't say that.

I'll give you a hint. It's me.

Joe, you're so funny.

And I bought presents.

Personalized mudflaps for everybody.

Thank you. Thank you, Joe. I'm going to run these mudflaps up to a lease.

Anniversary's coming up.

Congratulations.

Joe, tell me.

What kind of transportation could a fella get for $500?

You can get on a bus to Haiti.

Okay, all right. I'll come back when you stop kidding around, huh?

Okay, thanks.

All right.

And for you, Nick, I got something special.

Me.

Huh?

Oh, hey, thanks, Joe. I ain't got nothing like this.

How about I take you two out to dinner at the Fish Shanty? You remember the

Shanty, huh?

No. Oh, ah, it was your favorite restaurant. I took you there once.

Remember? Beautiful time.

No, I didn't have such a beautiful time at the fish shanty.

Because I remember you met up with a couple of your buddies, started

and you had to have the waiter drive me home.

It's funny. I don't remember it that way. Well, that's the way it happened.

Look, why don't we forget to talk about the good old days and talk about my art

school, okay?

Well, you could talk about it over dinner.

Somehow I lost my appetite.

Hey, Nick.

I'll tell you what.

Tomorrow afternoon, come down to the lot.

You tell me what your needs are. I'll make out a check for you.

Boy, oh boy, oh boy.

Very clever indeed.

You really pinned me to the wall on this one.

Let's see what we have here.

With the rebate?

The deal of warranty?

No.

3 .9 financing.

You get one cherry of a deal, my good friend, at $19 .95.

I beg to differ, my good friend.

But the automobile in question, if squeezed into a glass of water,

would produce a tangy and refreshing glass of lemonade.

One thousand.

Alex, what are you doing here?

I'm trying to buy an automobile, but Joe and I aren't seeing eye to eye.

Careful, he's a snake.

Hey, don't worry, Mel. I can take care of this guy.

I was talking to Joe.

Alex, I'll tell you what I want you to do.

I want you to take her out for a test drive. I know you're going to love the

she handles. Just don't turn right.

Okay, Nicky, what do you need?

$5 ,000.

$5 ,000.

It's really great what you're doing for Nick, Joe.

It really means a lot to him.

Here you go, son.

$5 ,000.

Hey, uh, thanks, Joe. I really appreciate this.

Make sure I get it back to you.

Excuse me, Mallory.

I'd like to have a private moment with my son.

Oh, sure, sure. I'll just go join Alex.

Yeah, I see him out there going around in circles.

So, uh, what do you want, Joe?

I just gave you 5 ,000 smackers.

Don't call me Joe. Call me Dan.

Hey, hey, let's not start this, all right? What's the point?

We both know what's going down between us.

In other words, you're going to take the money and you're going to be off on

your sweet way? Is that what it is? Well, what else is there here for me,

There's me, Nicky. Oh, come on. Joe, who are you kidding, huh? I was there. I

was there the day you walked out.

What is with you, huh?

Are you determined not to forgive me no matter what I do, no matter what I say,

no matter nothing, huh?

You don't understand me.

You don't know my side of the story. Oh, yeah? What is your side of the story?

Okay, you want to know my side of the story? I'm going to tell you.

Your mother and I never loved each other, okay?

We got married because she was pregnant with you.

We tried to make it work, Nicky. Believe me, we tried. We did everything we

could do, but there was no way.

But that's all in the past now.

Can't we get beyond this point?

Maybe you can.

But I can't.

I was 11 years old the day you walked out that door.

And that was my childhood.

The only one I'll ever have. And there was no father there.

Hey!

You called, I came.

You said you needed money, I gave you a check. What else do you want from me?

Not this.

This happens to be a particularly interesting collage.

We got a man's head on a kangaroo's body.

Anybody know what we call that?

No.

A mangaroo.

All right, all right, everybody. It's time to call it quits.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I am not that happy about it

either. And I'm going to miss each and every one of you. But...

I got a very special present for all of you over here on the table. So make sure

you pick one up before you go, all right?

Hey.

I'll see you later, all right? Take care.

Bye -bye.

Nick, I have a present for you. It's a bread box.

Oh, great, Andy. Thanks.

Take care, buddy.

Nick.

The Reagan Ranch.

But, hey, thanks.

No, forget it, Nick. Forget it, Nick. I worked all night on this. This is mine,

okay? This is my ranch, all right?

This is mine. I'm taking this, too. I want this, too.

Nick. Nick.

Look who's here.

I'm really glad you could come.

Have a seat.

So, you're a

teacher, huh?

Who would have ever thought a son of mine would be a teacher?

You know, Nick, when you were born, I just had one dream for you.

That you'd turn out to be better than me.

No, I never wanted to be better than you.

You're my dad.

I looked up to you.

I just wanted you to be around.

I just wanted you to be there to teach me things like how to throw a ball or

to ask a girl out or how to dance.

Hey, it's not too late. What do you want to learn? A mambo? A cha -cha? A hunky

-dory -chicky -dory?

Hey. Huh?

Hey, I am serious here, you know? This may be a big joke to you, but this is my

life we're talking about.

All right, all right. So I was a lousy father, all right?

You know what hurt me?

Is that you just forgot about me.

I never forgot you, Nick.

I followed everything you ever did.

I went to every one of your art shows when you weren't there because I didn't

think you wanted to see me.

You did that?

Yeah.

You remember the first painting you ever sold?

Yeah, sure. A woman with a half -eaten burger.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's hanging in my living room.

You bought it?

Yeah.

I went home last night after you came to the lot, and I'm looking at it, and I

realized, unless I work things out, that would be the only thing I ever have of

you.

Mickey, I want to start again.

But I want to start right this time.

I want that, too.

How about we go out for some fish and talk?

I mean really talk.

Yeah, I like that.

By the way, I still got that check for your school.

And this time, you're going to take it.

How can I say no?

Dad. Dad.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.