Original subtitles

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

Come on, Alex. Can't you give us a hand?

Sorry, Mom.

It seems kind of silly to clean up before company comes. I mean, it's going

get messy again.

Come on. Your cousin June hasn't been here in three years. I don't want her

coming into a messy house.

Why? It was messy when she left.

She stopped the phone with Jennifer. She's still at Adam's house doing the

science project. She says she'll be here soon.

I wonder what's taking them so long. They should have finished that science

project by now. Yeah, well, they're trying to get fruit flies to mate, and

taking longer than they thought.

You know, I'm a little offended by that project. I mean, I think Jennifer should

learn about fruit flies on the street, like I did.

I wish she'd hurry, because your father in June should be back from the airport

any minute now.

I probably stopped off for a good old American hamburger. You know, that

food's pretty disgusting.

That's a very narrow view, Alex.

Just because English food is different than ours doesn't mean it's terrible.

Come on, Mom. How would you characterize a place that serves oxtails and kidney

pies for breakfast?

Disgusting. I look different.

Hey, I'm so excited that June's coming. I can't imagine what it's like to study

in England.

I don't even know what it's like to study in America.

Hey, look who's here.

Hi. Oh,

there she is. Hi.

Sorry we're late. We stopped off for hamburgers. Yeah, I couldn't wait.

food is disgusting.

It's different.

June, you look great. Oh, thanks. Oh, you do too.

Is that Andrew?

Yeah. Hi.

So, you... Where's Jennifer?

Oh, she'll be here soon. She's at her boyfriend's house studying.

Oh, I'm so excited you're here.

Oh, are you kidding? You think I missed the chance to brag all about my trip?

Well, sit down and brag.

Come on. What was London like?

Yeah, do you take advantage of the strong dollar?

Did you meet the king?

Yeah, I love Monarchy. Hey, come on, come on. Give her a chance to answer.

Thank you, Stephen.

I brought some pictures, and I'm anxious to tell you all about my trip. Great.

You want to hear all about it. Well, a lot of things happen in three years.

You're telling us.

I don't know where to start.

Well, how about the boys?

Well, I did meet a couple of cute boys, and I got their pictures.

Right. Here. I knew it. Did you date any princes or dudes or anything?

No, just commoners.

You know, it's funny.

When I got to England, I wasn't that interested in boys, but now they're not

bad, you know?

Yes, we try.

Well, I guess we're all changing. I mean, here we are, and Jennifer is out

a boy.

I guess she's really growing up, huh?

Good evening, Scott. I thought I'd join you.

Mallory! How nice to see you.

Hi, Jen.

Jennifer, why are you dressed this way?

I'm a woman of many moods, Scott.

Young and playful one moment.

Sophisticated and deadly serious the next.

I'm sure you can make room for your sister.

Well, Scott, what do you recommend?

The last time I was here, I found the pizza with bologna very much to my

There'll be no talking about baseball tonight, Scott.

You know what I mean?

Not really.

You'll find tonight that I could be as soft as the next girl.

Buy you a drink?

All right, Jen, come here for a minute. No, you're making a spectacle of

yourself.

Hey, listen, I think we ought to take you home now. I don't need you to take

home. Are you okay, little girl?

I'm fine, and I'm not a little girl.

Wait on my bike.

Yeah, she was really embarrassed.

Poor kid.

Convince her that making a fool out of yourself is part of life when you're

growing up.

It's even part of life after you've grown up. I know I've matured a lot over

years. I think back. I'll tell you, kidding, I'm the mature one. You? You

even know I'm... Oh, come on, guys. June's trying to tell us about her trip.

Right. Sorry.

Anyway, the more I was on my own, I found that... I mean, I think Mom and

know that they don't have to worry about my being responsible, even when they're

not home. That's because I'm in charge when they're not home. Oh, yeah.

And you always did a great job.

So, uh, nobody else is home then?

Nope, just you and me.

Maybe I should leave.

I don't think so.

Mallory! I made her do it, Alex! I'm an animal! I don't deserve to live!

Where's Jennifer?

I thought she was with you. I got caught up in the moment. I couldn't control

myself.

game with you? I did, but while I was playing, she just wandered off.

Oh, no.

Mom and Dad came to the card game to get her. Oh, no.

They're right behind me. I had to drive in the sidewalk to beat them home.

Maybe Jennifer came home and she's upstairs sleeping.

I hope you're right.

Oh, look.

Um, I kind of told my parents that Jennifer was with you, so I'd appreciate

if you'd lie.

That about says it, yeah.

Sure, Alex, if you want me to.

Look, if Jennifer's not home, maybe you and I should go look for her. We both

got cards.

Good idea.

Jeff, thank you for your support. I'm glad you're here.

Not at all.

Well, you're certainly not the two I expected to see.

Yeah, that was real responsible, Alex. Losing Jennifer in a card game? I had a

straight flush.

I mean, what would you do?

All right, okay, I got a little carried away. I believe June was trying to tell

us about her trip.

What trip?

Oh, right, right. Well, well.

The second day I was there, I met this terrific guy. I've got his picture right

here. Okay, all right, I admit.

I should have been thinking a little more about Jennifer, but it was a

lapse. I mean, I've matured a lot since then.

In fact, in some ways, I'm so mature that I've outgrown a lot of people my

age.

You've been wondering about my age all evening, haven't you, Alex?

Oh, no, your age?

No, your age never, never entered my mind.

How old do you think I am?

I'd say about 10 years old.

I'll be 40 in July.

I'll be 29 in March.

My, my.

I'm still in high school.

Oh, I'm a veteran.

Okay, I'm 17.

But they've been 17 very full years.

Alex, chronological age means nothing to me.

I like that in a woman.

Hey, you want to dance?

I thought you'd never ask.

Hey, you're good. Thank you. No, thank you.

No, thank you.

I mean, is this... Who's this?

Oh, I'm sorry, Mom, Dad. This is Lorraine Farrar.

My date.

She's his date, Stephen.

Hello.

Yes, it certainly is nice to meet you.

Yes, I'll say.

Hey, hey, you kids want to dance?

Well, we'll just roll back the run. No, I don't think so.

Do you think so, Steven?

Are you talking to me? Oh, no, no.

No, no, no dancing for us.

No.

Good night.

Yeah, that's good.

Good night.

Good night.

Whatever happened to Lorraine, Alex?

Well, Lorraine and I kind of lost track of each other.

Maybe I should give her a call.

Forget it, Alex.

Ah, they could be here now.

Hello?

Oh, yes, Jennifer.

June's here.

All right, I see.

All right.

I'll tell her. Bye -bye.

That was Jennifer.

She sends you her best, June. She'll be here just as soon as she can.

Apparently, the female fruit fly is not in the mood.

What are they going to do, put on some Johnny Mathis records?

Chances are.

June, why don't you show us some more pictures?

Well, I do have some beautiful shots of Florence.

Florence who?

Mallory, Florence is a city in Italy. It's not a person.

Actually, Alex, Florence is a person.

Florence Weldon.

See, Alex, Florence is not a city in Italy.

Florence and I went to Paris, and we stayed in this really cute bed and

breakfast. What's a bed and breakfast?

A bed is something you sleep in.

Breakfast is something you have in the morning.

It's like a small hotel, Mel. In Europe, a lot of people rent out rooms in their

houses. Oh, we were there during the tour season, so, I mean, it got pretty

wild. Some nights, we had 50 people staying in the house. Oh.

I guess that doesn't happen too much here in Ohio.

Oh, I don't know about that.

I hope you don't mind. I invited a few people. Oh, mind is a matter of fact.

All right, okay.

Hey, what are you doing?

We did it. We captured the other team's mascot. We got the Crawford Kangaroos.

Never forget.

What is

going on here?

Now, Dad, don't go jumping to any conclusions.

Alex.

Parents are conditioned to accept a few minor problems when they leave their

children alone at home.

Spilled milk on the rug.

Broken dish.

There was a kangaroo.

In my living room.

Dad, if you just give us a chance, we can explain everything.

Well, can you?

Can you explain the valet parking in the driveway?

The flashing vacancy sign in front of the house?

The billboard on Route 41?

Look, Dad, I just lost my head, you know?

When the money started rolling in, I got out of control.

I could smell it. I could taste it.

I could hear it calling me at night, saying, Alex, at last we'll be together.

Dad, you left me in charge, and I let you down in every possible way.

I was immature, I was irresponsible, and I was greedy.

Sorry.

He's coming around.

For months, Stephen would wake up in the middle of the night screaming about

kangaroos.

Well, Papa, I... I bet you look back on that whole incident now and laugh.

I think we've all become a lot more

responsible since then.

It's because your father and I set such a good example.

Yes, we've taught you to think clearly and rationally before you act.

I'm Ruben Tedesco.

Your children call me Mr.

Tedesco. I think you should, too.

I teach European literature.

If you don't belong in this classroom, don't worry.

Neither do most of your children.

I'd like to make this an open forum.

I'll answer any intelligent questions you may have.

Hands, please.

Yes, lady in the front row.

Not you.

The one next to you. The old bag.

Why do you give out so much homework?

I said intelligent questions next.

Yes, you.

My son. He says you pick on him.

You call him names.

Who's your son?

Larry Morgan.

Larry the loser?

son is an insipid, pimple -faced liar.

Anyone else?

Please identify yourself.

I'm Mrs. Denny. My daughter Mindy so enjoyed reading The Little Prince.

Is there anything else you'd recommend for her?

Yes, I'd recommend she lose 40 pounds.

You could lose 30 yourself.

Next.

My, my, such an incredible Wizard of Bunch.

I have something to say.

Mr. Tedesco, I think you owe Mrs. Binnie and everyone else in here an apology.

Yes!

You've been terribly rude and insulting to us all.

Yes!

Mrs. Keene, it's clear that your son does not get his intelligence from you.

If you feel I'm being insulting, fine.

I won't insult anyone anymore.

This little get -together is over.

I'm leaving.

apologize for my wife's behavior. She feels terrible about the whole thing.

She's really sorry. We both are. I could sue, you know.

Look, let's try to gain some perspective on the situation here.

Haven't you ever done something without thinking?

Something you regretted later?

Yes, I showed up for parents' night.

Look, I know you're upset and you have every right to be, but you're obviously

very intelligent, civilized person who can recognize this incident for what it

is.

An aberration.

And I hope you'll forgive and forget.

Fortunately, Mr.

Keaton, your son inherited your rational temperament.

For his sake, I will allow... myself to be appeased by your words. I am nothing

if not civilized.

I can see that.

Your wife, however, is an Amazon.

Part Irish, part French. No Amazon.

You know what I mean, Keaton?

She's primal.

Not fully evolved.

You must have a tough time keeping her in line.

Tell me, do whips...

ever enter the picture?

I think I'll be going now. No, I'm curious.

What's it like to live with that kind of unbridled she -devil?

Goodbye, Mr.

Tedeschi. No, wait, just one more question.

Does she ever, uh... Why, you...

I don't want you to get the idea that we condone violence.

No, no, not at all.

Just don't make any sudden moves. You'll be all right.

Andy, what's wrong?

We've been doing all the talking. I guess he feels left out.

I know how he feels.

You know, if Andrew could talk, I bet he'd have a story or two to tell you.

Hey, your wife's on television.

She looks great.

She sure does.

Elise, why did she stop?

I'm sorry.

I think I'm going into labor.

That explains it. Labor.

Stephen, are you watching?

Of course I am.

I said this is it.

Stephen, if you're watching, get me at the hospital.

Elise, I'll be there in 15 minutes.

I'll be there in 10 minutes.

10 minutes and I'll get your suitcase.

Let's give June a chance.

We've been doing all the talking ourselves.

Well, okay, when I first got to London, it was really foggy. Hi, June. Hey,

Jennifer. Hi.

Nice to see you.

Oh, it's good to see you, too.

Well, you look great.

Oh, so do you.

Did I miss much about your trip?

Oh, no, not a word.

Well, I want to hear everything.

Okay. Okay, now, no more interruptions.

Well, anyway, as I was saying, When I first got there, I met this really

terrific guy.

Oh, well, you should meet this guy, Adam.

He's really smart and cute and funny.

Jennifer, we don't want to hear about it, okay?

I want to hear about Mark. By the way, how did Adam do with the...

Next on KSWB, get wacky with Jackie. Jackie Chan Adventures, just part of

WB. And at 5, stay tuned for the magic of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. There's a

full afternoon right ahead on KSWB, San Diego's WB. Watch the frog.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.