Original subtitles

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

Jennifer? Jennifer, you're not going to believe this.

I'm so excited. I was up in the attic, and I found this shoebox.

Congratulations, Mal.

It's a real nice one.

No, you don't understand.

It's full of Mom and Dad's old love letters.

What's a love letter?

It's a really mushy letter you send someone to tell them how much you love

I want to write one to Rachel Feltman. I love her.

Who's she?

She's a girl in my class.

He's only five, but I don't care. I like him young.

Wait, listen, listen, listen. My dearest, sweetest Lamekin.

You were so beautiful last night when we took over the administration building.

Your lustrous skin was made even more luminous by Zerosi. Oh, that's you.

Nothing. Yeah, nothing, Mom. Nothing. Nothing.

Yeah, nothing, Lamekins.

Hey, listen, uh, hi.

Lauren's car just pulled up, and I want to talk to you guys about something

before she comes in.

Wow, I haven't seen Lauren around here lately.

Yeah, see, that's what I want to talk to you about. She's been having a lot of

trouble with her senior thesis, and she's feeling kind of down about it. So

whatever you do, don't mention the word psychology or thesis.

Hi, Lauren.

Hi. Hey, Lauren.

How's that senior psychology thesis?

Alex asked us not to mention anything about her senior thesis.

Why can't we say anything about your senior thesis?

Because she's having trouble with it.

Trouble with what?

Her senior thesis.

I appreciate your concern, but actually, this thesis thing, it's no big deal.

Really? I hear you're having trouble with it.

Honey, come on.

Let's not think about that nasty thesis, okay? Bad thesis.

Let's talk about us, okay?

How long has it been since we've seen each other? What a great time we're

to have tonight. Nice movie, fancy dinner.

I'll even lend you the money.

Listen, Lauren, if you don't like your topic, I've got one for you. A friend of

mine last year, Grant, did her psychology thesis on intimacy problems

Capricorns and Pisces during the holidays.

She got an A.

I don't know if I can change my topic now. I've been researching this one for

over two years.

Well, how much have you written so far?

A page and a half.

Oh, yeah.

If you've written that much, you can't turn back now.

Surprise. Oh, Alex, I'm so glad you're here.

Whoa. Hey.

I'm sorry I had to cancel that date last night. Oh, it's all right. That's okay.

I went to the movies with Skippy. You know, fatal attraction with Skippy takes

on a whole new meaning.

I probably should have gone. As it is, I got nothing done. Oh, really? Yeah. You

know, I look at these mice running like crazy on that wheel and getting nowhere.

I think, how different am I from a mouse?

You don't fit in your food.

I had a meeting with Professor Lombard this morning.

I showed her what I had in my thesis so far, and she was disappointed.

This thesis will explore the following areas of behavior. One, spend more time

with Alex.

Two, go out more with Alex.

Three, talk more with Alex.

Honey, this is brilliant.

That's not it. That's the chapter I'm writing now.

I'm thinking of calling it Things I Can Do With Alex If I Quit My Thesis.

That's an happy title.

You're not really thinking of quitting your thesis, are you?

What would be so wrong with that?

I could go back to my old life.

A life that I liked very much.

I could spend more time with you.

I could care for you and nurture you and watch over you.

I could devote myself to you and make sure that you're as happy and as

as a human being could possibly be.

If that would make you happy.

It would. I really want to quit.

Don't you think it's a good idea? I can't say. I mean, that's your decision.

All right, then fine.

I'm quitting.

Oh, Alex, I feel like an enormous weight's been lifted from me.

I'm free.

Does that mean you can go out with me tonight? Are you kidding? We're going to

celebrate.

Come on.

Now I'm going to devote all my time and energy in making you happy.

Glad I stopped by.

Hey, what are you two doing?

We're writing another love letter to Rachel Feldman.

Another one? What did you think of the first one? She hit me.

It's a start.

The letter made Margie Phillips cry.

Why?

Margie, I love Rachel. Rachel S.

Coneastwood.

Well, Andy, maybe I can help you win the heart of your fair Rachel.

You probably don't know this, but in my day, I was quite the love letter writer

myself. Isn't that true?

My lovely, my golden -haired Gothamer angel.

My sweet, each breath seems a lifetime when I'm away from you.

I'd walk miles across desert sand for one glimpse of your rare

beauty.

Mom, hey, no need to explain, okay?

I understand.

Tough to keep the excitement alive.

Oh, come on now, Alex. I've seen you and Lauren get pretty mushy together.

You know, it's different, Mom. We're young.

Mush looks good on us.

Well, you've enjoyed being together with Lauren again, though, haven't you? I

can't lie to you, Mom. You know, Lauren quitting the thesis is the best thing

that ever happened to me.

Better than Nixon's pardon?

That was more emotional, of course.

But this is beyond my wildest dreams. And Lauren is doing all this great stuff

for me. She even baked me a cake and decorated it. It was a scale model of

floor of the stock exchange.

Done entirely in frosting.

Tiny edible dollars.

Little angry traders.

Oh, well, as long as she's using her time wisely.

Ooh. Do I detect a note of condescension in your voice?

Ooh, certainly not.

I lucked out, that's all.

I mean, you know, Lauren decided she doesn't want a career, so I get the best

both worlds. I get a smart girl who doesn't show it.

Face powder directly on the lips? Yes.

Then apply the lipstick, okay, and blot it a little bit.

Then put your lip gloss on, and you're practically smudge -proof.

That's great.

Alex, you wouldn't believe the things Mallory knows.

No argument there.

Hey, Mom, come on up. I want to show you these new red sneakers I just bought. I

thought you just bought some red sneakers last week. No, these are high

They're for evening.

So, do you have a good day today, honey? Oh, yeah, not bad, not bad. I finally

finished that economics paper.

Um, what'd you do?

Oh, not much.

Rested. Bought a really good wheel of fortune on TV.

Great, great.

So, oh, did you interview for that teaching job you were talking about?

Well, not really. There were about a hundred other people applying. I can't

compete with that.

Why not?

Because I don't want to.

Besides, I've been thinking, if the purpose in life is to be happy, why

do anything that doesn't make me happy?

Right, right. I guess I can't argue with that.

I want to learn gourmet cooking.

I want to learn bonsai gardening.

I want to learn pebble arts.

Uh -huh.

But you're not ruling out the teaching job entirely, are you?

It won't make me happy.

I'm happy doing this.

And if I need money, I'll just go on Wheel of Fortune.

Uh -huh.

Alex, if I get a job, I may not be here for you when you need me.

Don't you understand?

I want to spend every second with you, starting now.

this is working out fine thanks for letting me go through your recipe file

yeah, well, since you're making this big dinner for Alex, I thought it might

help if you knew some of his favorite dishes.

Yeah. Tonight I'm making Nancy Reagan's hearty beef stew for conservative

cowboys and ravenous Republicans.

Mmm.

Lauren, I'm really impressed.

I mean, I could never make a beef stew. I wouldn't know the first thing to go

into it.

Well, beef.

Oh, right.

I'm so excited. I just love to cook, but I haven't had time until now.

So you're really glad you dropped your thesis, right?

Oh, yes. What a relief. You know, all that time I spent studying, I felt like

was banging my head against the wall.

Oh, you do that, too?

It just wasn't right for me. You know, sometimes people make the wrong choices,

like in the days of our children. Do you watch? Oh, the soap opera. Yeah, yeah.

It's like how Xander keeps trying to please Reef, but she'd be better off

Skylar. Well, I think she should be with Brooke.

Oh, we've got a new girlfriend, Cashmere. Oh, I love her.

Well, I better get the groceries for tonight. Tell Alex I'll see him at

Oh, yeah, and I'll see you Friday for that makeover lesson.

Hey. Oh, Alex, you can go grocery shopping with me.

Oh, honey, listen, I'm getting a little tired of grocery shopping.

Oh, come on, it's fun.

You like it when I wheel you around in that cart.

Okay, if you don't want to go.

But I'm going to miss you every minute.

All right.

I can't believe what's happening.

I now have a woman who runs errands for me and cooks for me and takes care of

me.

It's everything I ever wanted.

And I can't stand it.

Do you think there's something wrong with me?

Um, generally speaking?

Allie, tell me something.

Do you notice anything different about Lauren?

Well, she's definitely dressing better.

And she seems to know a lot more.

I mean, about important things.

So you two are having a lot of fun together.

Oh, I've never gotten along with her better. We're like one and the same now.

That's what I was afraid of.

Wow.

Okay, this is your night, so I just want you to sit down and relax.

Oh, and I have the evening edition of the paper for you to read while I'm busy

with dinner.

Okay. Honey, honey, honey, I would really rather just chat.

Well, it's not just dinner, Alex.

I'm also doing some laundry for you, arranging some flowers, and putting the

final touches on desserts.

What is this, the Betty Crocker -a -thon?

Martin, sit down. Talk to me.

What do you want to talk about?

How about those election primaries, huh?

Oh, Alex, I don't read the paper anymore.

There's so much sad news in it. I just want to be happy.

Yeah, well, honey, it's important to keep up with what's going on in the

I mean, for example,

you see about the development in the Persian Gulf?

Yes, I did, and I'm really mad about it.

You are?

Fabulous. Great.

What are you mad about?

U .S. involvement or any aggression?

What? Tell me. Tell me.

I'm mad that that stupid news report broke in the middle of Days of Our

Children.

Right there when Xander was about to tell Reef that Brick and Cashmere were

trying to frame Skyler for Nicole's murder.

Oh, Alex,

what's wrong?

Honey, don't you miss...

Your whole life, your thesis, the lab, the work, the feeling that you got when

you learned something new.

Look, I thought you wanted me to drop my thesis.

I know, I did.

Maybe I was wrong.

You have so much to offer.

You know, you should be doing more than watching soap operas and clipping

recipes. But they're good recipes, Alex.

Lauren, look at yourself. You're frittering your life away on these

Don't you get tired of doing the same thing day after day and not

anything? Don't you appreciate all that I've done?

The errand running, the cooking?

It's all for you.

Is it so bad that I want to spend my time with you and make you happy? What

about you? What about making yourself happy?

I mean, you're using me as an excuse.

I am not. Admit it. You spend all your time watching TV.

All right, maybe you're right. Maybe I have been watching too much TV.

I'll stop.

And I'll spend more time with you, okay?

Okay, look, just stop trying to please me by satisfying my every whim.

I can't believe I just said that.

Alex, this isn't that big of a problem. It is, it is. You don't see it.

Lauren, you're hiding.

You're hiding from the real world.

You quit more than your thesis, Lauren. You quit life.

I love you, but not like this.

Not the way you are right now.

Lauren. Lauren.

Leave me alone.

Mom tells me you're writing a new love letter to Rachel.

How did that go?

She pushed me into a hedge.

That's quite a charmer.

But Margie Phillips was there and she helped me out. She loves me.

Now I love Margie, not Rachel.

Oh, so let me guess. So now you're writing a love letter to Margie.

That's right. Could you help me?

Absolutely, absolutely.

What do you got so far?

Dear Margie.

That's good, that's good. I mean, that's a start.

I didn't want to come on too strong.

But there's a lot more to say, you know?

Like, um, thanks for helping me out of the hedge.

And also, my dear Margie, sorry that I didn't pay more attention to you.

Sorry for a lot of things.

I ran out of the room tonight. My heart sank.

I love you, I want to be with you, but your thesis is important.

Yeah, that's good. Why'd you like that?

Hey, any word from Lauren?

Uh, no.

No, I don't think I'll be hearing from Lauren too soon.

Well, honey, I know it was tough, but what you did tonight, you know...

Trying to wake Lauren up was a very brave and selfless thing to do.

Maybe you actually learned something from this.

What, Mom? What did I learn?

That maybe you don't want to settle for an empty -headed, ditzy little cream

puff. Is that your beck and call?

Maybe just on weekends?

Oh, Alex, you know, I'm this buttoned -up, macho exterior. You don't really

believe that.

You're not going to be happy unless you're with a woman who's...

Who's strong and vibrant. Someone with an equal partner. Someone you can talk

to.

You're right, Mom.

And I blame you.

Then my work here is done.

Hi. Hi.

I forgot to put the fabric softener in the laundry.

You're going to have some wicked static cling in your socks.

Alex, what you said tonight cut awfully deep.

It really hurt.

I know.

It wasn't easy to say.

Alex, I feel like I'm alone out here on this one.

You know, I'm the first woman in my family ever to go to college.

It would be a lot easier if I just had a role model.

Sometimes I feel like I'm flapping my wings furiously, not knowing if I'm

it right, because no one ever taught me how to fly.

Role models are important.

I know when I'm in a situation, I always think, I wonder what my parents would

do.

Then I do the opposite.

Alex, it's different with you. You've always been confident.

I remember our first date. You looked at me tenderly and said, Do you know

what's great about me?

You talk for six hours nonstop.

And you still don't know what's great about me.

I know what's great about you. You're smart.

You're understanding.

Ruggedly handsome.

It's funny. When I was little, I always pictured my future as living in a nice

house and a garden and a couple of kids.

And even though I knew I wanted a career, it was really never a part of my

vision. When I was a little kid, I always wanted to be supreme ruler of the

universe.

Alex, that's still your dream, isn't it?

Yeah, but it doesn't seem like enough now.

You know what my problem is?

I've got a father complex.

I was always... He always said he's a little girl and he always overprotected

me. And now I'm trying to continue that personality dynamic with you.

Excuse me, but did I just hear you say something psychoanalytical?

I guess so. It just kind of came out. Oh, great.

Oh, it's great.

Alex, I know I have to continue on with my thesis.

But what?

I'm scared. What if I fail? Hey, hey, you got to take that risk.

Will you help me?

No.

But I'll be there to support you.

I get it.

Hey, this doesn't mean that you still can't dote on me, you know.

So go away, there's more Family Ties coming up in less than 30 seconds. And

tonight at 6, check out San Diego's favorite comedy lineup. That's right.

Friends, Will and Grayson, everybody loves Raymond.

Smile.

You're watching San Diego's home for comedy, KSWB. Watch the frog.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.