Original subtitles

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

Morning, Andy. Morning, Mom.

So what'll it be for breakfast today, huh? Granola? Oatmeal?

Wolfer's Delight.

Wolfer's Delight. What's that?

It's dog food, Mom.

He saw the commercial on television, he fell in love with it, and now he wants

to be a dog.

Buy me some Wolfer's Delight. My favorite is beef flavor.

Morning, darling.

Morning, sweetie. Morning, everyone.

Morning, Dad.

Stephen, what are you doing?

I don't know.

My boy woofed at me, I woofed back.

If you bought me some woofers for life, it would show me you really care.

It does make its own gravy.

Keeps your dog... young and frisky.

Ruff, ruff, ruff.

Morning, Mom.

Hey. Ma 'am.

Old yeller.

Hey.

Morning. Morning.

What brings you here so bright and early?

Well, Mel and I have got to get to the flea market. The art show starts today

and I'm exhibiting. Oh, hell yeah. What do you got for the lucky art lovers

today?

No, show them.

What is it, Nick?

Self -portrait?

It's called the Spirit of Columbus.

You see, it symbolizes the classic beauty of the city. The steel and iron

stand for the river, and the aluminum here stands for the hope and yearning

hope and yearning.

I don't get it, Nick.

That's what separates us. You know, that's the difference between us.

Yeah, that and about four truckloads of functioning brain matter.

Well, I think it's sweet.

Hey, thanks. And, you know, the money I get from it will help build up our nest

egg.

Nick, Nick, Nick.

What do you need a nest egg for?

You're young. You should be footloose and fancy free. Visiting foreign ports.

Mexico.

China.

Other planet.

Mr. Keaton, Miss Keaton, Mal and I are starting to get kind of serious, and,

know, we've even been thinking about maybe getting... Nick!

Please.

Andy, we love you very much.

But I'm sorry we've decided to raise our children as human beings.

Now, when you're older, you can make your own choice.

But right now, you're only six.

In dog years, I'm 42.

In dog years, I'm 287.

And your mother here is 340.

Although she doesn't look a day over 150.

That's something different with every kid, isn't it?

Ta -da!

You did it.

Where's the sculpture?

I sold it for $200.

The nest egg lives.

So, Nick, that money must be burning quite a hole in your pocket, huh? Dad,

going to go into the bank, into our account, the beginning of our nest egg.

Time for his walk.

Hey, hey.

How come you guys are so happy? Cartoon festival on TV tonight?

No, Alice.

We sold Nick's sculpture.

You what?

Fact is, I could have sold five of them.

Look at this.

200 bucks?

Yeah, and the parts cost me 20. You know, I think I probably made a profit.

I think you probably did.

Let's see if you borrow one from the nine.

Nick, Nick, that is a profit margin of 900%. I got a whole new appreciation for

art. Okay.

Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. Nick, Nick, did you say you had five other

customers and you didn't take any orders?

Well, I don't see how I could. There was only one statue, Alex. What are they

teaching at that college?

Nick, you've got four other people who are willing to pay you for the Spirit of

Columbus, right?

Yeah. Well, I think your next step is obvious.

What is that?

You make four other statues and you sell them to those people. Oh, no, I

wouldn't want to do that. You know, I don't work that way. You know, I like to

look at each piece as a separate artistic expression, you know?

Oh, grow up.

Mike, you think Michelangelo is alive today? Wouldn't be on his back cranking

out Sistine Chapel ceilings by the dozens?

Well, Alex, I think Nick has a point. It's a question of artistic conscience.

The spirit of Columbus is a one of a kind. I know. That's what I love about

It's one of a kind. We can sell millions of them.

I don't know. Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick.

Listen, you really care about Mel, right?

Sure. Now, as far as economics goes, Mel may not know much about supply, but

she's definitely an expert on demand.

Thanks, Alex.

Mallory is the ideal consumer, so you have to be the ideal provider just to

up with her. Fortunately, I am the ideal manager.

Oh, wait a minute, Alex. I know what you're trying to do. You want to take

Nick's artistic gift and commercialize it.

Yes. It's a big step for me.

Listen, guys, I really want you to get your nest egg going.

Now, Nick, I only want what's best for you.

Mel.

I only want what's best for you.

And guys, I only want 25 % for me.

Okay, Nick, there you go.

I think we got everything you need.

We got light.

We got tools.

You're in a garage.

You're as happy as you can get.

Okay, pal, create.

I'll see you at five.

Nick, you're not creative.

What's the problem?

It's not how it works, Alex. You know, I gotta get the right feeling going. I

gotta be in the right mood.

Nick, you gotta make 35 of those by tonight.

35? You know, it takes me a month to do one.

Well, then you better pick up the pace.

Why do I have to do 35?

Well, because, Nick, we're having a sale. See?

Nick Moore, renowned local artist, offers a limited issue of his famous

sculpture, The Spirit of Blank.

Alex, it's not called The Spirit of Blank. It's called The Spirit of

Well, yeah, sure it is. Sure it is. And when someone from Columbus wants to buy

it, well, gosh darn it, that's what we're going to call it.

But if someone from Philadelphia wants to buy it, we're going to call it The

Spirit of Philadelphia.

Someone from Hong Kong, We'll call it the spirit of Hong Kong.

Someone from Toledo, the spirit of Toledo. Stop me when you understand

Keep going.

Wherever there are people with spirit and $200 in their wallet, we got

for their mantle.

What?

The spirit of blank.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Alex, you know, I can't work that way.

I can't make them that fast.

All right, we'll slow down. We'll slow down. Hey, it's the first day.

Take it easy.

Only do 30.

That's not how an artist works.

Nick, have a seat.

Do you think... Do you think Leonardo da Vinci only did one painting a day?

Oh. On the day he did the Mona Lisa, he did three other paintings.

Mona Beth.

Mona Cathy.

And my personal favorite, Mona Mona.

Bad news, Alex. We've been to every junkyard in town, and these are the last

the parts. Oh, it's not going to be a problem. See, I got a deal in place with

this guy up in Akron. He's just going to fabricate the parts and ship them down

to us.

Oh, hey, then they won't be the real thing, you know. I kind of like to work

with the original parts.

Nick, you're already 15 orders behind.

Let's not get caught up in technicalities. It's not a technicality,

material an artist uses are the very essence of his craft.

They influence the way he works, the way he sees the world, and finally the way

his vision fulfills itself.

Well, the man glues together hubcaps.

Hey, excuse me. If you think it's that easy, Alex, then why don't you do it?

Yeah, all right, Nick. All right, I'll get you started.

Jim, give me a hand with this, okay? We're going to do six bottoms.

You mean the base.

Base, bottom, tomato, tomato. It's junk. Who cares?

No, Alex, Alex, that's not the way it goes.

All right.

Oh, hi, Nick.

You haven't seen Alex around, have you?

No. Why are you whispering?

He is watching me every minute.

You know, I'm supposed to be working right now.

I need a rest.

And my next break is not coming up till February.

You've been working hard, haven't you?

Miss Keaton, you're an artistic type and everything.

I mean, you design houses, you draw blueprints, you're an architect.

I know what I do.

I guess what I am getting at here is, in a lot of ways, you and I are the same.

I mean, I'm a guy, and I got a different name.

But otherwise, we got a lot of things in common.

And I mean, in a lot of ways, I think you're the only one that can really

understand what I'm going through.

I don't even understand what you're talking about.

I am making all these spirits a blank, and for some reason, they feel

impersonal.

I am not enjoying it.

Well, why are you sticking with it then?

Nick, Nick, eight more orders came in today.

Sounds great.

Spirit of New York, Spirit of Miami.

The nest egg's looking awfully good. I'm so excited.

You're asking me why I'm doing it, and that's why. You know, it's because of

Mal. It's for the nest eggs.

Hey, Nick, Nick.

What are you doing out of the garage, Nick?

Is it February already?

Alex, I just wanted to take a little break.

Nick, how many spirits of blank have you done today?

Oh, about 15.

15, Nick.

Well, you see, I got a little held up. There was this little twist. No, Nick,

Nick, when I want a twist... I'll call Chubby Checker.

What I want from you is art, okay? Over and over again. Art, art, and more art.

All right? That's what makes a great artist.

Volume.

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

Okay. All right.

Hey, I'll see you in February.

There you go.

Pretty remarkable, isn't it, sir?

I'll say.

What do you call this one?

Where are you from, sir?

Seattle.

Incredible! I mean, that's what this piece is called, The Spirit of Seattle.

Well, I'll take it.

Congratulations, sir. Congratulations.

And, uh, sir? Just being you and me?

I think you're getting the pick of the litter.

Nick, isn't that great? Alex just made another sale.

Great. That makes almost $800 just from tonight.

He may be annoying, but he sure can sell.

Congratulations.

Seems you've got a smash.

Thanks, Mom.

I guess this is really adding to the old nest.

Nesta.

Nesta egg.

Well, Mom, what do you think? One left.

Spirit of a leaf.

I'll give you that special 1 % family discount.

I don't think so, Alex.

Okay. Hey, Dad.

Dad.

Picture of Jacques Cousteau on the top. We'll call it the spirit of PBS.

Hey, partner.

Hey.

What do you think?

I don't know, Alex. You know, the spirit of Columbus used to mean something

special to me, but now for some reason it's lost all its beauty somehow.

Oh, hey.

I never liked it.

You don't see me bailing out, do you? We got customers here, Nick.

Excuse me, if you have any questions, may I direct you to the artist, Mr. Nick

Moore? Oh, Bill, wouldn't this be wonderful in the living room?

Don't you think it would clash with the drapes?

Oh, you're right.

Could we get this in blue?

Blue?

Well, you know, I never really thought of it in blue.

Yeah, see, madam, changing the color would... Would make it absolutely

beautiful. How many of these would you like, ma 'am?

What are you doing? You can't change.

This is Nick's art.

It's exactly the way Nick envisioned it. Mal, the customer is always right.

Okay, especially when the customer is willing to shell out $250.

I don't know, Alex.

Nick, what are you doing?

It's your work. Either they take it the way it is or they don't take it at all.

Look, Mal, if we don't sell these things, we don't get money. And then we

have our nest egg.

Nick, this is your art.

It's more important than a few dollars. This is not making you happy.

If you're not happy, then I'm not going to be happy.

Do you have this in a medium?

I suppose we could take it in for you, sir. No, wait, Alex.

No, that's it.

You know, this is the way it is, period. The way I made it.

You know, it doesn't come in medium, it doesn't come in extra large, and it

doesn't come in blue.

Does it come in beige?

Hey, Nick.

It's over, Alex.

Don't say anything.

Nick, how can it be over?

We are making a lot of money here.

The what?

You know, money is not everything, Nick.

You don't know what you're saying now. You're a little tired, okay? Maybe

been working too hard.

No, no, no. That is not it.

Nick, I'll tell you what. You know that time off I was promising you in

February? Well, Nick...

Take it now.

It's over, Alex.

It's over.

It's over. It's over.

What are you trying to tell me, Nick?

It's no use. You don't understand a word I'm saying. I can be understanding,

Nick. I can. I can be understanding. Try me, okay?

Try me. I will understand.

Okay, it's like this.

All this mass production stuff that you want to do, that's not art.

Every time I do a new sculpture, I want to feel like it's something new, like

I'm exploring a new world.

And your way doesn't let me explore.

It doesn't let me be me.

I don't understand, Nick.

I knew it.

I'm trying to. I am. I want to. I mean, I can see that you mean it.

You're speaking in complete sentences.

Alex, I grew up in a very tough neighborhood.

Most of the guys I hung out with, they're still just hanging out.

And the only time you hear about them is when they've done something bad.

So how come I didn't wind up like them, huh?

That's a question we've all asked her.

It is because of the art, Alex.

Every time I create a new sculpture, I get this thrill that I am creating

something that nobody ever thought of before.

Me, Nick Moore from the bad part of town.

When you start turning my sculptures out by the hundreds, you take that away.

When you start changing my sculptures around to match some lady's drapes, you

take that away. You take away everything I live for.

If you get one thrill from one spirit of Columbus, why not turn out 100

identical thrills a week?

They're not identical. They're not the same. No way.

All right, listen.

Let me try to make this simple for you.

Would you, Nick?

Okay, okay.

It's like, um...

No two fingerprints are the same.

Yeah, and?

Like no two snowflakes are alike.

So no two snowflakes are alike.

So what?

That's what makes them special, that they're unique.

Alex, it's just like no two dollar bills are alike.

Ah!

That's right.

See, they got different serial numbers. They come from a different mint.

The way

you

feel about money, that's the same way I feel about a new sculpture.

You know, this is amazing.

You and I are a lot alike.

I bet in your mind that's a compliment, huh?

We both have commitment, you know? We both have to do what it is that we do

best.

You're not going to believe this, Nick, but we're both artists.

I mean, you're an artist with your hands, and I'm an artist with my mind,

both create.

And we're both tremendously passionate.

I mean, you're a passionate guy.

I'm a passionate guy.

Stay where you are, Alex.

You know what I mean. Your palette is metal and wire and paint.

Mine is dollar signs and decimal points and deals.

But it's the same thing. We both create our own kind of magic.

Alex, is this what Phil Donahue would call a bonding moment?

I don't know, Nick. How do you feel about that?

Yeah, I guess it is.

I guess it is.

Excuse me, but if I can have that beautiful statue in beige, I'll take

Uh, ma 'am?

Um, let me, let me, uh, let me tell you something about art.

Okay. You know how each dollar bill is unique?

In fact, do you have a couple of bucks?

Don't go away. There's more family ties coming up in less than 30 seconds. And

tonight at 6, check out San Diego's favorite comedy lineup. That's right.

Friends, Will and Grace, and everybody loves Raymond.

Smile.

You're watching San Diego's home for comedy, KSWB. Watch the Frog.

Sit, boo -boo, sit.

Good dog.