Original subtitles

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

First batch is done.

Oh, boy, these look great.

It's the best batch of Christmas cookies to come out of the Keaton kitchen.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. What's this one?

Well, where did that come from?

Alex made me do it.

I think Alex gets a little too caught up in the Christmas spirit, don't you?

Well, I don't know about him, but I sure do.

Mellow cookies and hot cider and warm dollar signs.

Christmas carols.

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride a one

-horse open sleigh.

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle all the way. Oh, what fun it is to ride a one

-horse open sleigh.

Dashing through the snow in a one -horse open sleigh.

Up the hills we go, laughing all the way.

I like the ha -ha -ha part.

The traditional end of fun has arrived.

Oh, no, I mean, I love Christmas as much as the next guy. I just don't know how

you can celebrate joyously when holiday retail sales are down by 4%. Alex, you

got your annual card from the Reagan.

Dear Alex, how are we doing?

A card, that's it.

I sent him jams and jellies.

I got a Christmas card the other day from the Psychology Club of America.

It said, have a well -adjusted Christmas and a normal new year.

Oh, listen, I'm going to go over to Mr.

Crewson's and place our order for a Christmas tree. Anybody want to come?

Stephen, I thought we agreed to go somewhere else for our tree this year.

Why? Because, Dad, Mr. Crewson's trees are terrible. They look like hat racks.

Look, I talked to Crewson. He said he'd get us a great tree this year. I want to

give a chance to come through. Now, who's coming with me?

Uncle Dad, I would like to see trees that I'm taller than.

You too, Mr. Keaton.

Well, it's very nice of you, Nick. Right in the tradition of brotherhood and

goodwill towards men.

Well, you know, I figure it's the least I could do. I mean, since I'm spending

Christmas with you. Yeah.

What?

Happy, happy, everybody.

Alex,

I need a Christmas favor from you.

You know how I usually play Santa Claus down at the mall?

Well, I gotta get out of it.

Why? Are you going out of town this year?

No, I'm gonna be the abominable snowman over at the Pearl Ridge Shopping Center.

It pays less, but it's a real career move for him.

You want Alex to play Santa Claus?

You'll traumatize an entire generation of young children.

Hey, don't worry about it. I got better things to do than say ho, ho, ho to a

bunch of spoiled, greedy little kids.

Pay $10 an hour.

Ho, ho, ho.

Okay. Now, we're forgetting about the fingerprint.

We're forgetting about the Lego set.

Instead, Santa is going to bring you...

100 shares of Aramco Petroleum.

Now, Santa invests heavily in this.

And, uh, Santa has done very well.

Thank you, Santa.

Well, you're welcome, honey. There you go. Merry Christmas. Bush in 88.

Okay, who's next? How are you this Christmas?

not talking to any elf. I want the big guy. Be nice.

I'm always nice.

Hey, Kringle, let's get this show on the road.

Okay, Eddie. Come here. There you go.

Okay. Get it right here and tell me what you want for Christmas.

Okay, Santa.

Here we go. I want... Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.

Okay, shoot.

Okay, Santa. I want a fire truck, a baseball mitt, a bicycle, a record

No, make that a CD.

A personal computer, a basketball, an apartment in Manhattan.

Hey, wait a minute. I'm not done yet.

Listen, kid, you don't need a Santa Claus. You need a business manager.

Okay. Merry Christmas and good luck in the fiscal new year.

Excuse me, Santa. Are you still open?

I hope your daughter's interested in the commodities market.

Come on, honey. Santa wants to talk to you.

Hi, honey. What's your name?

Okay,

well, what do you want for Christmas?

Nothing. Oh, come on, honey. You can tell Santa what you want.

But, Mommy, I told you I don't believe in Santa Claus.

What?

What? You don't believe in Santa Claus? Come here. Come here. Let me tell you

something, Michelle.

I am definitely Santa Claus.

Can you get me my daddy home for Christmas?

Look,

Michelle, I'm sorry, but there are some things that even Santa Claus can't do.

You're not Santa Claus.

Can we go now, Mommy?

Yeah. You want to take a look at this pretty tree first, huh?

Look, look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Usually the kids love me.

No, that's okay. It's not your fault. You're not the first Santa she's done

to. Oh, what is it? The beard, right? The suit?

My ho -ho -ho is getting on her nerves.

I know they're getting on mine.

You know, you see, Michelle's dad has to travel for business, and this year

hasn't been so great, so he's had to take whatever he could get.

Unfortunately, that means he has to be away for Christmas this year.

That's too bad.

Well, um, thanks anyway for trying.

Okay, honey, you ready?

That was heartbreaking.

The way she looked at me and said, you're not Santa.

Alex, you're not Santa.

You don't have to rub my nose in it.

Sorry. You're not an elf either, you know?

I know.

But the point is,

I mean, I got the suit. I've got the beard. I mean, I look like Stan. I feel

like it's my responsibility to do something.

Well, why don't you get on a sleigh and go to the North Pole?

You know, Alex, it's really great that you have such noble impulse.

It would be nice to see it more than once a year. Please, Jennifer, let's

all we can get.

I don't know what you're making such a big deal about, Elise. A tree is a tree.

Steven, a tree that fits in your pocket is not a tree.

I don't think it's so bad.

I can imagine the cry of timber when that baby came.

Look, I know it's not perfect. Not perfect, Dad. This is the first

history where the tree can go under the presents.

Dad, can't you go to a regular Christmas tree lot this year, just this once?

Oh, sure. Let's just patronize one of those.

faceless, impersonal, conformist lot where all the trees are tall and

I suppose you'd like one green and leafy, too. Oh, yes!

We're ready to hang our stockings. Oh, great. Let's go.

Here's mine.

While you guys were out, we made milk and cookies for Santa.

Terrific. Where are they?

In the stocking.

What about yours, Alex?

I don't feel much like it this year. Come on, Alex. It wouldn't be Christmas

without your stocking.

All right. All right.

There we go.

How was your first day at the mall?

Will Christmas still be celebrated this year?

Yeah, it was fine. It was fine. There was just this little girl.

Michelle. Yeah.

She's really cute, but really sad.

What's the problem with this little girl?

Well, her father works and can't be home for Christmas.

She's seven years old and she doesn't even believe in Santa Claus.

It just seems so wrong to see someone unhappy at the mall.

I feel completely helpless.

I wish there was something I could do.

Method Santa.

How's Mrs. Claus?

Well, thank you for asking.

Well,

she has a few sniffles, but she's at home and the elves are taking good care

her. Let's try to keep our sled in the real world here, pal.

Actually, I don't use a sled.

I use a sleigh.

And something else.

I would never use buttons like that. And that belt?

Completely wrong.

Where's your beard?

It's in my locker.

Where'd you get yours? A garage set?

You've got a good beard.

Where do you work? Lawn furniture?

No, I'm based up at the North Pole. I'm down here to do a little survey to see

what the children would like.

Beam me up, Scotty.

is holding up rather well, isn't it?

What? The briefcase.

That was the Christmas of 73.

How do you know that?

I remember that year quite well.

Let's see. You asked for that briefcase, a pocket calculator, and a pardon for

Richard Nixon.

You're good.

That is good.

Allie. I know that up to this point, our relationship has been mostly financial.

But this year, you've changed.

Michelle has really touched you. And that's why I'm here.

I'm on candy camera, right?

Come on, where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Come on.

Come on. Hey, Alan, it's fun.

I'm on to you. Come on, buddy.

Wait, where is it? It's in the past. Oh, don't do that. It tickles, Alex.

You know, it's like a bowl of jelly.

Wait a minute. Okay.

Look, this has got to stop. All right.

What are you trying to tell me? That you are Santa Claus?

I'm really very happy that you decided to play me this year.

I know that you're a little depressed because you haven't been able to help

Michelle.

Don't underestimate the power of Christmas.

It can work miracles.

I don't know what to do. I mean, I don't know how to help Michelle.

Trust your heart, Alex.

My heart?

I haven't used it in so long.

I wouldn't say that.

You're using it right now.

Just keep at it.

And don't forget, good thoughts and good deeds don't go unrewarded.

would like to help but I don't see any chance of bringing you that Porsche this

year

I just met Santa Claus.

Boy, Alex, trying to show goodwill towards men has put you under quite a

hasn't it?

Maybe you want to lie down, Alex. Jennifer and I can take care of this.

no. I can't lie down. I can't lie down. I'm too excited. Do you realize that it

is Christmas?

No, we're dressed like this all the time.

Hey, let's go, pal. It's getting moving.

Easter's almost here.

Come here, Eddie.

Don't lay a hand on me, Jacoby.

right across the mall.

Eddie, come here.

Sit down.

Eddie, what does Christmas mean to you?

It means getting presents.

All right, okay.

What if you had all the presents in the world and nobody to share them with?

That would be great.

I mean, I mean, if your mom wasn't there, To watch you open those presents?

And you didn't have any friends to show those presents to. And people weren't

around caroling and spreading good cheer.

Would you really enjoy those presents?

I guess I wouldn't be so happy without all those people.

That's right. That's right.

Because the important thing about Christmas isn't the presents, Eddie.

It's being with the people that you love.

Thanks, Santa.

Mom, let's find another Santa. This guy's bringing me down.

That was very sensitive, Alex. Are you feeling feverish? I don't know. I don't

know. I just, I feel very Christmassy. I feel like... Michelle!

Michelle! Hi.

Hi, remember me?

Well, that's a church forget.

Listen, Michelle, I gotta own up.

I'm not Santa Claus.

I'm Alex Keaton.

But I want you to know that there is Santa Claus.

And he really cares about you.

Michelle, you didn't get a candy cane last time you were here.

Why don't you come over here and pick one out?

That's a good idea, huh?

Listen, I hope I'm not out of line here.

But I've been really concerned about your daughter.

I don't know what comes with the suit.

But I was just wondering, have you heard anything from your husband?

Yeah, I talked to him yesterday, and he's definitely not going to be able to

make it home for Christmas tomorrow.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but if you and Michelle aren't doing anything tonight,

I was wondering if you'd like to come over to our house. Me and our family

usually has a party every Christmas Eve, and I know they'd love to meet you, and

I have a feeling that this is going to be a very special Christmas.

So, another carol, anyone?

Sure. We should sing a hymn to this beautiful tree Mr.

Crewson brought us.

Oh, cactus tree, oh, cactus tree.

Thou art so fair and prickly.

I can't believe it. All right, come on. Let's look on the bright side. Which is?

Nick.

Well, it's Christmas with kind of a Wild West theme, huh?

Look, I spoke to Mr. Crewson. He promised we'd have a great tree here by

tonight. I trust him.

You're right.

It's Christmas.

The tree isn't important.

What is is that we're all together for the holiday.

We can have a great Christmas with the worst tree in the world.

We've done it for the holiday.

Excuse me.

Oh, hi, Skippy.

How do you know it was me?

Most abominable snowmen wear contact lenses.

Don't be scared, Andy.

It's just me, Skippy.

Thanks, I was terrified.

It's almost time for bed, honey.

I want to stay up and wait for Santa Claus.

Oh, hey, hey, hey.

I'll wait up for you, Andy. You know, every year I try to wait up for him, and

every year I fall asleep.

You know, I have the same problem.

What do you say we put on a pot of black coffee?

All right.

There they go.

The three wise men.

Hey, folks, I'd like you to meet some friends of mine.

This is Beth and Michelle Davis. Hi, how are you?

Nice to meet you.

What's with the cactus?

Michelle, that's not polite.

What is with the cactus?

Hi. Hi.

Want to hang your stocking up?

I don't have one.

You can use mine. It already has milk and cookies in it.

Please have a seat.

Yes, make yourself at home. I'll just... Excuse me.

Hey, Mr. Croser.

Oh, Mr. Keaton. Hi. Merry Christmas.

Hi. I've been thinking about your little tree problem here, and, well, I have a

surprise for you.

Oh, Mr. Crusoe.

Oh, this is such

a beautiful tree. Now it feels like

Christmas. And to complete the mood.

time, Michelle?

Uh -huh.

Angie and I are getting married.

Sister Michelle, thanks for coming to our party.

You help make it a great group.

Thanks, Alex.

Hello,

may I help you? Yes, I'm looking for Alex P. Keaton.

Alex, hi.

Yeah.

Hi, I'm Alex. Hello.

My name's Ray Davies.

Daddy!

Michelle!

Ray?

Alex, never mind that. What are you doing here?

Well, I was in Fargo. It was a horrible night. I didn't make a single sale.

I was on my way back to the motel so I could give you guys a call.

When I got there, standing at my door was this great big barrel of a man with

white beard.

And the most amazing thing happened. He said he wanted to buy absolutely

everything I had to sell.

That's incredible.

I'm so proud of you.

He handed me the money.

And the only thing he asked me to do was deliver this package to Alex P. Keaton.

Oh, thanks.

This is the best Christmas present in the world.

What do you make of this?

I don't know. I'm still in shock from having a decent tree.

Where's that from, Alex?

A friend. A friend.

Alex, if you're pure of heart, this should be as good as the real thing.

Hey, it's him.

It's him. It really is.

Go away, there's more Family Ties coming up in less than 30 seconds. And tonight

at 6, check out San Diego's favorite comedy lineup. That's right.

Friends, Will and Grace, and everybody loves Raymond.

Smile.

You're watching San Diego's home for comedy, KSWB. Watch the frog.

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