Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years, and I bet we'll be

together for a million more.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we kissed,

and I can't remember what I ever did before.

What would we do, baby, without a...

What would we do, baby, without her?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without her?

Sha -la -la -la.

Who's that?

That's Dad's mother's mother, our great -grandmother.

He had real flabby arms.

Yeah, they're a nice match with the legs.

There's the nice -looking guy.

Who's that?

That's Vic Damone.

That picture came with the album.

Oh, look.

Mr. and Mrs. Charles Donnelly announced the wedding of their daughter, Elise

Catherine, to Stephen Richard Keaton.

Hey, Mom, look at your old wedding invitation.

1964, 20 years ago. Stephen, can you believe it?

I guess you can't believe it.

Are you guys going to have a party? Well, I'm working on it, but your father

doesn't like to celebrate these things.

Of course I do. I love to celebrate these things.

I just don't like big parties.

I happen to believe it's possible to have a celebration with fewer than a

thousand people.

This is like big gathering.

Elise, this is our anniversary, not the March on Washington.

Actually, you already agreed to have a party.

When did I agree?

Last year. Don't you remember just the two of us had dinner together?

Of course I remember.

It's very romantic.

Well, this year, instead of romance, let's have fun.

You know what I mean.

Face it, Dad, she wants a big party.

Well, it's her 20th. It's a big day.

I just feel there are a lot of people that I would like to share that with.

Okay, Elise, if you insist on having a party, I won't stand in your way.

Sounds like a go to me.

This is so exciting, you're going to love it, Stephen.

Where will we have the party? Any place you want is okay with me. You decide. I

am thoroughly amenable.

Here we go, the banquet room at Guido's?

Not Guido's.

What's the matter with Guido's?

No, nothing.

Guidos is fine.

Okay, I'll keep it small and intimate, Stephen, I promise.

What, just a few other couples?

Well, now, if we're going to rent a room and hire a band, I think... A band?

Okay, okay, a band is fine. I'll stay out of this.

It sounds like fun, Mom. Do you want me to call Guidos and reserve the room? No,

that's okay. I already called him.

I thought we'd start out with some hors d 'oeuvres.

Ramaki, pigs in blankets, things like that. And then chicken Florentine,

zucchini, pastry, and coffee.

We'll all have everything except the coffee.

Let's eat.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I was talking about the party.

Oh. And what are we having tonight?

Tonight we're having Captain Barnacle's takeout fish balls.

Again?

I hope they defrosted them this time.

think you know I did, but I didn't. Stephen, where are the fish balls?

I couldn't start the car.

I had to leave it at work. I took the bus home. I'm soaked to the skin.

I couldn't get the fish balls.

Oh, Stephen.

You couldn't get the fish balls?

Let me run this by you again, at least.

I couldn't start the car.

Had to leave it at work. Took the bus home.

I couldn't get the fish balls.

Say it with me.

Dad! Dad, Alex has been reading my diary. I know because he's been using

and phrases that I use in it. Look, that is not true.

Her accusations are totally bogus and gross to the man.

You see, he doesn't talk like that.

Look, I didn't read her diary, okay? I went into a room to look for a book.

She's got me there.

Stephen, I've got to talk to you about the arrangements. Now, Guido's is all

for the party.

Guido's. Okay.

Guido's is fine. Whatever you do will be fine.

Is it raining in here?

Yes, it is. I thought we had that fixed.

I did. I'll call the roofer.

Dad, you've got to talk to Alex. About what?

About reading my diary.

Alex. Read your sister's diary.

Look, I didn't read her stupid diary.

How would you know my diary's stupid if you hadn't read it?

Valerie, I don't have to stick my hand in water to know it's wet.

Okay. Now, guys, the roofer can be here Wednesday after three. Can anybody be

here? I'm busy.

Oh, I'll try to be here.

Stephen, I've got to talk to you about these arrangements. Now, I've got the

guest list here, and I... That is the guest list?

Why don't we use this guest list?

Pure people.

I'll do it. I'll bet you will.

This is going to be a fun party. I'm really looking forward to it. Yeah, me

Valerie, can you put some under this drip?

You're a drip, Alex. Why don't you fit in it?

All right, Valerie, bang your face.

20 years, huh?

Yeah, seems just like 50.

computer you forgot the roofer elise oh no i didn't he's invited i mean you

weren't home when he got here so what so i forgot the roofer so what

so what have you been in the kitchen lately no no take a dingy

i had a hard day at work please let's not get into a fight

you had such a bad day. It really wasn't such a bad day. I had lunch with

Suzanne and she and Ron are coming.

Oh, good. At least some of my friends will be there. Well, they can't get here

till midnight and they won't be able to stay very long.

I also ran into, uh, Bernie Packer.

Glad he's not invited.

Well... At least.

Well, Suzanne assumed he was invited and mentioned it, so I had to invite him.

He's a very sweet man. He was very helpful to my mother a couple years ago.

Well, in that case, why don't we take him in as a boarder?

At least the man is a buffoon.

He's not a buffoon. He happens to have a very good sense of humor. Oh, he's

really funny. I especially like that noise he always makes. What noise?

That noise.

I never noticed that noise.

How could you not notice?

problems here. If you don't want Bernie to come to the party, he doesn't have to

come to the party. We don't even have to have a party.

We are having the party. I'm not going to miss my 20th anniversary because of

you.

You're having your 20th anniversary because of me.

I'm having our 20th anniversary because of us.

There wouldn't be any us if it weren't for me.

For me. So there.

including Bernie.

Happy? Never happier.

Well, I've never been happier either. I'm delirious with glee.

Bernie Packer is coming to our party. How much delight could one man possibly

stand? Will you stop putting down Bernie? I am crazy about Bernie!

Well, you can just spend the whole evening with Bernie. You can just dance

Bernie and act your brains out!

Alex, will you get over here, please? We've got to talk about Mom and Dad's

present. Speaking of talking, Jennifer, did you know that Mallory is afraid to

talk to Kirk McMillan?

Alex, the only way you would know that is if you read my diary.

That's not true.

He could have eavesdropped like I did.

Maybe this whole discussion is academic. I mean, the way they've been fighting,

they're probably going to call the party off.

Look, just on the off chance that they do make up, we have to get them a

present. Now, what do they need?

They need a lawyer.

I don't want to end up at some home for waste.

Now, come on, what should we get them?

Let's get them a new set of tires.

Look, I've got a much better idea. We'll get them matching sweater and slacks

outfits. It'll be great.

Mallory, we're shopping for our parents here, not Ken and Barbie.

I'll accept to shoot down every good idea I have.

Mallory, the day you get a good idea, let me know.

I will.

Okay.

Will you two stop fighting? We've got to work this out.

No, I disagree. I think we have a lot to learn from Einstein.

Talking about the anniversary, hmm?

Is there still going to be one? Why wouldn't there be one?

Been looking all over the house for this.

Look, there's no doubt in my mind they'll make up before the party

night. And if they don't, I'm calling a family meeting.

This family meeting is hereby called to order.

Will the secretary please read the minutes of the last meeting?

You are the secretary, Jennifer.

You're out of order.

You can't hear him.

I was going to get to that.

You see, I was reading him in the bathtub last night.

Well, the rest is history.

The chair recognizes Mommy.

in 20 minutes. If we do not proceed with this meeting, well, I'll miss the

party. Suits me fine.

I have the floor.

You're out of order.

She's right, Dad. Technically, you are out of order.

Now you're out of order, Alex.

How can I be out of order telling him he's out of order?

You're out of order again.

Listen, the whole purpose of this meeting is for us to discuss all the

that's been going on.

I'm tired of it. So am I. Me too. Alex, I don't see why you and your sister

can't get along better.

Pardon me for pointing it out, Mom, but you and Dad haven't exactly been Ozzie

and Harry.

Look, kids, we don't need a meeting like this.

Your mother and I can settle our little differences ourselves.

Really? The two of you haven't slept in the same room for the past three nights.

I haven't been tired.

I don't like it when you guys fight.

It's scary.

Sounds like you don't like each other.

Honey, we don't mean to scare you.

Son, are you ready to make up?

I think the first thing that needs to happen here, procedurally speaking, is

Alex and Mallory to end their fight. How about it?

I will make up with Alex.

if he promises never to read my diary again?

I didn't read it in the first place.

Prove it.

For one thing, Mallory, it has a lock on it.

How would you know?

I, uh... I've admired it from a distance.

Oh, Beth.

Okay, look, I promise, all right?

You have to promise to stay away from my records.

All right.

I'm sorry for all the names I called you.

Likewise.

Say, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Louder.

I'm sorry.

Louder. Mallory!

All right. Very, very nice.

Now, I'll have the two of you shake hands and make up.

If that takes care of everything.

Not so fast!

What about you and Dad making up?

I'm willing if he is.

I am.

I consider us made up.

It was a stupid fight.

Very.

Oh, honey.

We really should hurry. I told Bernie Packer we'd give him a ride to the

Get him a mule.

Hey, Ben.

At least you know I don't like the man.

They have two hearts that beat at one.

Thank you, Aquila. I never heard you say that, Aquila.

Whoa, guys.

Perfect. That's a keeper.

many years has it been now? Eight, nine? Hey, Guidos, huh?

Nice place.

It's a lot like you, Steve.

Luxury on a budget.

So, what's for supper? Or gee, was I supposed to bring a bag lunch?

Oh, there she is. There's the little bride.

Oh, golly, golly, golly. This is just great, isn't it, guys?

You two lucky kids, you're going to spend a week, that's seven days and five

nights, at my condo on Lake Erie.

Just because I love you guys.

You know, Bernie, Steven doesn't like to let on, but he feels

just the same way about you.

Once in a while, he gets this far away look in his eye, and I say, sweetie,

is it? And he said, at least I miss Bernie Packer.

Okay, gotta be out there somewhere. Where are they? There they are. The

anniversary couple and our host for the evening. Come on to the dance floor.

you wanted to dance with me.

I wasn't going to make a scene.

That's sweet.

That's sweet? Do you know this last week living with you has not exactly been a

trip to the beach?

Speaking of the beach, we now have one in our kitchen thanks to you, Nobu.

Now I'm responsible for the rain?

You're certainly not responsible for the sunshine.

Stephen, this dance is over.

Good, then get off my feet.

Excuse me, excuse me, I hate to break up the festivities, but if I could have

your attention, my sisters and I would like to make a toast.

Twenty years ago today, they decided they couldn't live without each other,

we're so glad they felt like that.

When Sherry Sharper dumped me for the captain of the football team, Dad taught

me how to throw a spiral, and Mom taught me how to tackle.

They took me ice skating and held me up when my ankles turned.

And, uh, Mom was seven months pregnant with Jennifer.

When nobody would buy my Girl Scout cookies, Mom and Dad bought them all.

They allowed the young Republicans to meet at our house.

Though they probably wanted to, they didn't say anything when, uh, Johnny

Holmstead took me out.

He has blue hair and an earring.

Most important of all, the way they respect each other, the way they're open

each other's feelings and needs has taught us the values by which we live

lives.

And we love them.

Mom, Dad, happy anniversary.

Me too.

I think we should tell you that Stephen and I have been fighting all week.

We have been fighting about all kinds of things. About the roof leaking.

About this party.

About... About everything.

Alex, Mallory, and Jennifer, for showing your mother and I how foolish we've

been.

I think we just forgot how much we care about each other.

How much we need each other.

I'm sorry, Lisa.

I'm sorry, too, Stephen.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Happy anniversary.

Happy anniversary.

Up next, part one of a sprawling Cheers epic. A saga of such scope and magnitude

that it couldn't be told in just one episode.

So they're telling it in two. Stay tuned to see how it all begins next on TV

Land. Good dog.