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What would we do, baby, without us?
What would we do, baby, without us?
And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.
What would we do, baby, without us?
Sha -la -la -la.
Well, let's not forget that Rob and the kids have really gone through a tough
time lately. Let's try and remember to be sensitive to that. I didn't want to
come here.
The flight was miserable, and I'm counting the hours till we go home.
Did you meet the guy she went out with tonight?
Um, well, I don't know his name, Uncle Rob. But don't worry, she's in good
hands. He's a Marine.
You gotta let her know where the line is.
The line she can't cross.
She's gonna spend the night at his place.
Jen, I'm glad it's you. I thought it was Alex.
I know the feeling.
What's going on?
Jen, you're not going to believe this. I'm so upset.
What's the matter? Did you dent the car again?
Yeah, I did, but that's not what I'm upset about.
Jennifer.
Marilyn did not come home last night.
Whoa, really?
Really. She didn't come home. Her bed wasn't slept in. I don't know what to do
about it.
Uncle Rob is going to be...
You were saying?
Nothing, nothing.
Don't look at me. I was with you.
All right, look, this has got to stop.
Every time I walk into a room and you two are talking, you stop talking. You
pretend you haven't been talking.
Hey, hey, don't shut me out.
Come on, this is your brother, okay?
This is Alex Keaton.
The first name in truck.
I want to be part of your little group, okay? Please let me.
I want to share fully and joyfully in your rich, low -level gossip.
Come on, you were saying something about Uncle Rob. What was it?
Huh? Come on, come on, tell me. Tell me. I beseech you, okay?
I won't breathe a word of it to anybody.
Marilyn didn't come home last night.
I'm telling.
How do you dare?
We gotta call the police. We gotta call the police. She could be anywhere. No, I
think I know where she is, Alex.
I think she's with the Marines.
We don't have to call the police.
She's with the Marines.
Alex, if you ever want me to tell you anything else for the rest of my life,
you're gonna have to swear not to breathe a word of this.
All right.
All right, okay. All right. You have my word.
Well, that puts my mind at ease.
Fine.
Marilyn didn't come home last night.
I didn't say a word.
She called late last night and said she was spending the night at her date's
house. Come on, Andy, let's go see what the three bears are up to.
No, this is better.
No, it's not.
I can't believe that Marilyn.
I mean, she has absolutely no regard for Uncle Rob's feelings.
Alice, I don't think you know the whole story.
What's to know? If you're 18 years old, you should be sleeping at home with your
parents. I mean, the only time you should be in someone else's bed is when
checked into a hotel.
Or at a registered campsite.
Hey, Uncle Rob, did I get you some coffee?
Oh, no thanks, Alex.
You sleep okay, Rob?
Oh, yeah. I dropped off from 3 to 3 .15.
Well, at least sit down. Let me make you some breakfast.
Oh, no, thanks, Elise. I'm going to go take a run, just kind of clear my head,
you know. I'll be back in about 15 minutes.
Call me crazy, but I'm going to start with Uncle Rob and his thing.
Look, I had a long talk with Marilyn last night, and let me just say there's
lot more going on here than you might think.
Valerie, if there's any information you think we should have, you should tell
us.
I'm not in front of Alex.
Thank you.
Well, you know, this is a very complex situation. I talked for a long time with
Rob last night. I was surprised at what's all going on.
Elise, if you have something we should know, now is the time to tell us.
I'm not in front of Alex.
All right.
All right. Okay, hey.
I'm just going to leave home.
All right? I am leaving home.
This is me leaving home.
It was a threat, okay? You're supposed to stop me.
Please tell me.
Well, I don't think it's any secret that Marilyn blames Rob for the divorce, and
that's her way of getting back at him. I didn't know that.
They've almost completely stopped communicating.
I mean, Marilyn obviously does everything she can to avoid spending
together with him, and when they are together, they barely speak.
I had no idea.
And Rob isn't sure how to handle her. He doesn't know what to do. He's afraid of
losing her altogether, so he's tentative and passive and unsure.
Who else knows about this?
I feel bad for Rob. He's in a lot of pain.
I feel bad for me. Nobody tells me anything.
Look, Rob and the kids are our guests. They're going to be staying here for the
weekend, and I don't think we should bring this up in front of them, unless
mention it first.
I think we should just pretend that nothing is happening.
Morning.
Good to see you, Marilyn. Can I get you some breakfast?
Oh, no, thanks, Annalise. I don't want to put you in any trouble. Oh, it's no
trouble. I'll just take a couple seconds. I'll scramble you up a couple
Marines.
What she means are
little Marine animals.
Omelette, perhaps?
Hi.
Hi.
I almost died when I woke up and I saw you weren't here this morning.
Wish it would have been you that answered the phone when I called last
Well, my parents won't let me have a phone in here.
They're afraid if I had one, I'd never leave my room.
I don't know. They're right, actually.
You don't realize how lucky you are, Mel.
How much you have here.
I don't have a phone.
You have everyone here under one roof. Your mom, your dad, Jen, Andy, Alex.
All right, so it's not perfect.
You know, your dad was real worried last night. I know that.
Good.
Who is it?
It's Alex.
I'd like to talk to you.
I don't want to talk to you, Alex.
Well, that's impossible.
You have no idea what I want to say to you.
We said we don't want to talk to you. Go away.
Mallory, it's me.
Come in, Mom.
I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
No, we were just sort of... Mom, why don't I have a phone in here?
We were talking about me and my dad.
I guess you've noticed a little tension between us since we got here.
Oh, honey, I know you've been hurting.
And I'm trying not to intrude, but I'm the oldest female here, and I don't want
to brag about that.
But if you need someone to talk to, I am here for you.
Thanks, Annalise.
But there's really not much to talk about.
Well, there is one thing to talk about.
And if your mother were here, she would say exactly the same thing.
What you did last night was frightening.
You know, spending the night with a stranger, it's never a smart thing to
but these days, honey, it's crazy.
I know.
me dad right alex
it's a really bad imitation of dad i thought it was pretty good
you
know i'm really starting to think you don't want me in there
well what's up dad nothing nothing
That's a real woman shortage downstairs.
All right, I can't take this anymore.
Every adult in this house is in this room.
So, uh... This is what it's like in here.
Come on, everybody, let's go.
is not here.
What happened last night is never going to happen again, you understand?
It was dangerous, it was inconsiderate, and it was insulting.
Are you finished?
Why, you listen to me, Marilyn. I have had it. I am through.
You wanted to hurt me? Well, congratulations.
You've done a terrific job.
Let me tell you something. No matter what you're thinking, no matter what you
think has happened between us, I am still your father.
A father doesn't walk out on his family. A father doesn't run around with women
half his age. A father doesn't embarrass... You don't know what a
And you don't know what pain I was going through. What about the pain I'm going
through right now? What about Mom?
What about the pain she's going through?
I couldn't help that, Marilyn.
I had to get out.
I only stayed as long as I did because of you and Jonathan.
I don't want to listen to this. I'm getting out of here. What do you think
you're doing?
I have my plane ticket. I'm going home to Mom.
Your mother's not there. She went away for the weekend. I guess I'll be there
myself. Oh, no. You're not going to be alone.
Well, then I will call Hank. I will spend the night with him. What the hell
you think you are doing?
Now, you listen to me, young lady. You're only 18 years old. You're not
another night at some guy's house.
You're acting like a little tramp.
Well, I'm my father's daughter.
Leith, that was delicious.
I've never had sprouts served quite that way before.
Yeah, Mom wrote the book on that, A Million Strange Ways to Serve Sprouts.
Thank you, honey.
Think I should bring something up to Marilyn?
Oh, if she wants to eat, she can come down like anybody else.
Well, if anything will lure her out, it'll be those sprouts.
Very tasty indeed, Mom, although my hopes for a National Sprouts crop
are still high.
Can't toss it up, John.
Okay, Andy. I'm ready.
What are you guys playing?
Chess. Andy, you don't know how to play chess.
Shh. I beat him last game.
Do you know something that we haven't done in a long time?
Oh, no. Mom, please, don't say it. Please, Mom, no.
How about a good long walk? Oh, no, Mom, not the good long walk. I've outgrown
the good long walk.
and I'll stay and do the dishes. No, I'll do the dishes. I love dishes.
Let me. Mr.
Dish. Come on, come on. It'll be awesome good.
That's what mothers always say just before they make you do something you
hate. Well, it's my kind of night. Bowl of sprouts and a forced march.
Let's do the dishes.
Let's have a beer.
Remember the first time we had a beer together?
Sure. In the basement of the house on Carroll Street.
We were so cool.
Dad didn't suspect a thing.
Well, there was no reason for him to suspect anything. I was six, you were
three.
I'm so embarrassed about this, Stephen.
What are you talking about, Rob? We were just kids.
Not about that.
About this whole thing.
About the divorce, Marilyn.
Rob, stop.
You know, this is the only time I've been glad Dad isn't alive.
That he didn't live to see this?
He wouldn't have understood, you know.
I'm not so sure.
You think he would have understood? A guy my age leaving his family because he
needed to be happy? A guy like Dad?
He never had less than four jobs at once.
A man didn't have a chance to sit down for 15 minutes, let alone figure out if
he was happy.
That was a different generation. They didn't know about divorce.
They were too busy arguing with each other to get divorced.
You remember the lady who lived on 17th Street on the corner, the one who did
get divorced?
Mm -hmm. Mrs. Bloom.
Remember all the fuss, all the whispering?
Her full name became Mrs. Bloom, she's divorced.
Did I ever dream in my wildest nightmare that it would happen to me?
Did I become Robert Keaton, he's divorced?
You were very unhappy in your marriage, Rob.
So was Maureen.
There was no way for you to live.
For your kids to live.
I think you're much better off this way, Rob.
I honestly do.
Yeah, well, at times like this, I wonder, Stevie.
At least before I knew what I was.
I was a father. I was a husband.
All right, I was an unhappy husband, but I was a husband.
I think people could relate to that. They'd come up, ask me what I was. I'd
I'm an unhappy husband.
They'd say, you too?
You know, I made a lot of friends like that.
At least it looked like a family.
But that was just a picture, Rob. It wasn't real.
It had nowhere to go.
What do I do with Marilyn?
She loved that picture, whether it was real or not.
Now she doesn't even want to talk to me.
She thinks I'm the lowest form of life on the planet.
For God's sake, Rob, it's not right to let her brand you like that forever.
You gotta keep going. You gotta hold a life to build for yourself.
So does Marilyn.
I don't know.
Maybe... Maybe that's something you're both going to have to do separately.
Maybe you have to let her go.
Can I talk to you?
I'm going to talk anyway.
If that's a mistake, then it's one of a group of mistakes I've made since your
mother and I decided to get divorced.
That was not a mistake, by the way.
It's a terrible thing to have happen to a family, but it wasn't a mistake.
What was a mistake was having an affair.
I did, you know I did.
That didn't seem wrong at the time.
But it was.
It was wrong.
And I'm sorry.
But I don't think I should have to pay for it for the rest of my life.
What do you want me to do? I mean, what do you want from me?
Go back to mom?
I can't do that.
You loved her.
You still love her.
That's over, honey.
It can't be over.
It's just too mean. It's too impossible.
I know. It seems that way. I'm sorry.
What could I do?
You could have thought about somebody besides yourself.
Well, I'm thinking about somebody besides myself right now.
I'm thinking about you.
What do you want me to do?
Do you want me to just go back at playing father and daughter?
After all that's happened, you want me to keep on pretending?
No. I'm through pretending.
Maybe we can never be father and daughter again like that.
Maybe we can never be that way again.
But we have to find out what we're going to be to each other.
I just want to be something to you.
Just don't hang me out to dry, Marilyn.
Please just let me in.
I don't want it to be like this.
It doesn't have to be like this, honey.
I just want to help you.
Just let me be your father.
I just want to be your father, Marilyn.
Just let me be your father.
I love you so much.
I love you too, Dad.
Dad and Uncle Rob are brothers.
You know, just like you and me.
Right. And Uncle Rob is having a hard time right now. You know, what with the
divorce and everything. But Dad is hurting too, you know, because they're
brothers.
Get to the point.
Right. Well, see, Annie.
I've been thinking, who you marry is very important to me.
To me, too.
To you, too.
But it's very important to me.
I mean, what happens if you marry somebody I don't like?
That wouldn't be good.
No. No, it wouldn't. So I figured out a way to make sure that doesn't happen.
Okay? Andy.
I'm going to have to pick your wife.
Okay, but do a good job.
You know, Andy, you and I... I hope
we're not
interrupting anything.
Some low -level gossip, perhaps?
We have no secrets.
We were talking about...
Nothing?
Nothing. Yeah, nothing at all.
Come on, honey, it's time for bed.
Oh, Mom, I want to stay up and say goodnight to Uncle Rob and the cousins.
I think they're busy, honey. You can say goodnight in the morning. Yeah, come
on.
Alex is going to pick out my wife.
Well, one less thing for you to worry about as you grow up.
Come on.
Who knows where we can get a good pizza this time of night, huh?
Well, if you're really hungry, there's more Sprouts Wellington in the fridge.
Uh, no thanks, Elise.
Actually, we just want to spend some time alone together, kind of a father
-daughter night out.
We've got a lot to talk about.
Uh, want me to come along?
Yeah, you know, kind of a father -daughter, um, cousin night out.
No thanks, Alex.
Well, looking good.
Sorry.
Whatever. It's good to see you guys talking again.
Hey, look, we gotta find these people some pizza. Look, there's only one place
to go.
Alberto's on Euclid Avenue.
Yeah, Alberto's. They're the worst. Go to Dominic's. What, Dominic's House of
Inedible Pizza?
No, I go to Caruso's.
Caruso's. I got pizza like cardboard.
No, no, the best place to go... Hey, I happen to love cardboard.
Okay. The best place to go for pizza is Guido's.
Guido's. This is coming from the woman who served us algae for dinner today.
Okay, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it. I know just the place. The best
in town... Dad.
What?
Sit, Ubu, sit.
Good dog.
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