Original subtitles

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

It's way past your bedtime.

up till Uncle Rob gets here.

Well, I didn't realize I'd be here so late. Come on, you can see Uncle Rob and

your cousins in the morning. Oh, Mom, come on. It's a pivotal point in the

Okay, Dad. Go fish.

You fly dog.

So how come Uncle Rob's coming so late anyway?

Oh, I got one of those cheapo flights.

Very inexpensive, but not too convenient.

It stops twice in St. Louis.

Why does it stop twice in St. Louis?

They're practicing takeoffs and landings.

It's not like Uncle Rob to fly cheapo. He usually goes first class.

Well, that's all changed. Rob doesn't have much money since the divorce.

Show me the man who does.

Maureen said it was a very fair settlement.

Oh, for sure.

I wish we'd get here. I'm getting sleepy.

I almost forgot. Come on, Andy. Let's go to bed.

Thanks, Mel.

Oh. Oh, give him a minute, Elise. Come on, Andy. The game's not over.

You lose, Dad.

Good night, Andrew.

Okay, that's them. Now, let's not forget that Rob and the kids have really gone

through a tough time lately. Let's try and remember to be sensitive to that.

know, when I talked to Rob, he didn't sound like a guy who'd been through a

tough time. He didn't sound down at all. He sounded happy.

Dad, will you stop bugging me?

Listen, Marilyn, if you're going to talk to me that way, let's get back on the

plane and go home. That's all.

Sounds happy as a clam.

Hey, look at you, Jonathan. You really shot

up. How you been?

Fine. And how you been, Marilyn?

I didn't want to come here. The flight was miserable and I'm counting the hours

till we go home.

Mallory, can I talk to you upstairs?

Well, I find her candor refreshing.

Alex, I would really appreciate it if you didn't read the newspaper at the

table.

Why is that, dear?

Don't call me dear.

And don't read the paper while we're at the table together.

Hey, Mal.

We're not married.

It is considered proper etiquette among civilized people to engage in

conversation at the table.

Uh... Engage me.

No, you start.

Why do I have to start?

It's a gentlemanly thing to do.

You're really getting on my nerves, man.

Okay. All right, fine. Okay, I'll start. I'll start.

What the hell were you and Marilyn talking about in the bathroom last

had the door locked, you had the water running, and I couldn't hear a thing.

None of your business.

Nice chatting with you.

What were you and Marilyn talking about in the bathroom last night?

Stephen, really?

That's none of our business.

Unless Mallory wants to tell us.

I am shocked. I am scandalized.

When someone needs to talk to someone and they invite that someone into the

bathroom, that means complete secrecy.

That's true. That's true. It's the international room of secrecy.

I'm surprised governments don't mean the bathroom.

Marilyn just had some things on her mind. Some pretty heavy stuff. Reaction

the divorce and all.

But it's between Marilyn and me.

Good morning. Good morning, Uncle Rob.

Hi, Rob. Hi, Rob. Can I get you some breakfast? No, no, no, no. I've gotten

be quite a good hand at breakfast lately.

I swear I'm eating like I'm 16.

It's working outdoors. That's what does it.

Outdoors? So what are you doing now, Rob? I'm working for the phone company.

Oh, Uncle Rob!

What kind of work are you doing?

I'm a lineman.

You know, the guy you see up on the poles.

Up on the poles.

Get her some water.

No, I'm fine. I'm fine. I just think, well, it must be pretty exciting being

there with all those conversations whizzing by.

Well, I'm glad you found something that makes you happy, Rob, although I never

thought you'd be working outdoors.

Quite a switch from being a CPA.

Ah, that's just it, Stevie.

I'm 45, and I'm the new guy on the job.

I'm learning. I'm working with my hands. I'm fixing things.

I'm outside in Buffalo, 7 a .m. The wind's whipping off the lake. My hands

so cold, I can't even hold my coffee. I got icicles hanging off my nose.

And I've got a pole to climb.

I mean, could you ask for more?

No, it sounds great.

Look at this. I got calluses.

Oh, boy.

Well, are they great? I love them. It means I'm a lineman. You know, working

stiff.

We gotta talk.

I gotta admit, you never look better.

Ah, thanks, Elise. I feel like a kid, you know? I'm working hard, I'm playing

hard. Oh, did I tell you?

I'm on a bowling team.

Oh, God, no.

Mommy, Mommy!

The park was great.

Marilyn swung me all the way up to the sky.

Panty, you weren't supposed to tell anyone about that.

Oh, I meant we were in the same box the whole time.

We are witnesses.

And we didn't have ice cream for breakfast either.

Well, that covers what we didn't do.

Well, that's great. I'm glad to see you cousins are getting to know each other.

Can I get you some breakfast?

Oh, no thanks, Annalise. I'll get something at the mall. You ready?

You're asking Mal if she's ready to go to the mall?

I don't go to the mall that much, Alex.

Valerie, the mannequins wave to you.

Mara?

I didn't know you were going to be running off so early, honey. I thought

we could spend some time together today.

I don't think so, Dad. I wouldn't want to get in your way.

In case you want to pick up any girls.

Marilyn knows that I was seeing Kathy when I was here last. That we were

an affair.

She won't forgive me for it.

You know, she and Mallory were...

Locked in the bathroom talking with the water running for more than an hour last

night. I'll be darned.

I only see her one weekend a month.

It's supposed to be more, but she doesn't want to come, so I don't push

I'm out there in space with her somewhere.

Some kind of mutant father who doesn't live in the same house with his

doesn't have a wife, doesn't even have a key to his own front door.

Doesn't know what the hell he's doing.

When he walked up to me, I swear I could feel my knees turn to lasagna.

Could you tell?

Well, I wouldn't say lasagna specifically.

But I did see you sway.

And then you stabilized.

And I said to myself, she is a Keaton.

I'm not imagining how cute he is, am I? He is to die for cute.

How old do you think he is?

Well, at least 18. I mean, you have to be to be a Marine.

What?

Oh, did I interrupt something?

Oh, I'm sorry. If I interrupted something and you'd like to continue

chat, may I direct you to our bathroom facility?

Which I believe are available at this time.

Thank you, Alex. That's very thoughtful.

Oh, hey, think nothing of it. Think nothing of it. Just go on up there, lock

door, turn on the water, and do that yakety yak.

Yakety yak. Don't talk back.

All right, how's this for a great idea?

Dinner, movie, and after, if everyone's good... Ice cream.

Whoa.

Come on, Mallory, coming?

Um, I can't, Dad. I'm going out. I have a date.

No, you don't have a date.

Oh, I do.

Who's this date with?

A guy I met at the mall with Mallory.

I'm sorry. You know, you can't run around a strange city with a guy you met

mall. We're not going to be running around.

We're going dancing at the hot house.

You remember the hot house, don't you, Dad?

That where you went dancing with, uh, what's her name? What was her name?

Kathy? Kathy.

It's not necessary, Marilyn.

And neither is this little scene.

Good night.

Well, I want you back by 11. You hear me?

Oh, 10 .30.

Did you hear that? 10 .30.

Hey, Carl, what you doing?

I'm fixing this lamp for your mother.

Dad's been working on that lamp for almost a year now.

It's almost got it completely broken.

Yeah, well, he's not too happy that I'm doing this.

Hurts his pride, you know.

He fancies himself a real handy guy.

Dad handy?

He's one of the only living Americans to lock himself in the trunk of his own

car.

What time do you have, Alex?

It's almost midnight.

I told Marilyn 10 .30. You heard me, right?

Oh, yeah. Hey, don't worry about that, Uncle Rob.

I'll make sure to be back any minute.

You got to go with the flow in these things.

Go with the flow, huh?

Alex, I can't wait till you're a father.

Uncle Rob, you and I, we're similar kind of guys, right? I mean, we're both

conservative.

We're both Republican.

We're both heady guys.

Granted, you've been through a lot of change, you know, with the divorce and

all. And maybe, you know, maybe you're not as conservative as you once were.

I mean, maybe you're not even a Republican anymore.

Although that would rip my heart clean out.

But let's just say you're not.

I can understand that.

I mean, I could.

Hell, I've done it for my parents.

But what I can't understand is why anyone with your earning potential would

to sit at a table all night and fix a lamp.

That's very satisfying, Alex. It's a great feeling that comes from working

your hands.

Are you still a Republican?

How's it coming, Robbo?

Ah, getting there, Steve -O. Need a hand?

No, Steve -O. Robbo doesn't need a hand.

Do you, Robbo?

No, Mama.

Uncle Robbo's doing bueno.

Ah, Pop can only see us now, huh? His two sons vying for the chance to fix a

lamp.

But he laughs.

He always said, you boys are not going to use your hands. You're going to

college. No tools, you hear me?

I don't want to see either of you with even a hammer in your hand unless you're

opening a coconut.

And yet we both ended up with tremendous ability in this area.

I'm going to sleep. Good night. Good night, honey. Oh, good night, hon. Sleep

well. Uh, Mal?

Huh?

Marilyn, uh, she didn't come back yet.

Did you meet the guy she went out with tonight?

Uh -huh.

Oh, well, who is he? I mean, what's he like?

Um, well, I don't know his name, Uncle Rob. But don't worry, she's in good

hands. He's a Marine.

Well, on that note, I'm gonna head out.

Night. Good night.

Uncle Rob, I gotta know.

Are you?

Am I what?

Still a Republican.

Alex, I am.

I knew it. I knew it.

I knew it. You may fix lamps and you may climb poles, but you're not washed up

yet.

I'm going to sleep like a baby.

Good night.

Well,

it's after midnight and my daughter's out with the Marines.

Look, Rob.

I don't begin to understand how hard this must be for you and Marilyn, but

can't just abdicate.

You can't give way like that.

I can't afford to waste the few hours a month I do get to spend with her arguing

about these things, Stevie. I want to be a good guy.

But you're her father, Rob.

By a thread, Steven.

I don't want to lose her.

So I'm letting her go.

That's no attitude, Rob.

You got to let her know where the line is.

The line she can't cross.

You gotta be strong.

Loving, but strong and decisive.

Like you.

Like me.

Like him.

Damn right.

I've had two 17 -year -olds, and I know.

Give them an inch, they'll wipe you out.

I have daughters, Rob. I know what you're going through.

When Mallory turned 17, I made it very clear I wanted to take an active part in

deciding what type of young man she would be dating.

How'd she wind up with Nick?

She didn't listen to me.

Come on, Andy. It's after midnight. Don't you think it's time for bed?

Shh. Jonathan's telling a story.

Where's your manners?

Go on, Jonathan.

Well, now my mom's going out with this guy named Eddie Wheaton.

He's a real nice guy, and she says maybe someday they'll get married.

Now, I'm not so happy about that, because then my name becomes Jonathan

Wheaton.

So how does it work, Jonathan? I mean, when do you see your mom and when do you

see your dad?

I spend one week with each. I go back and forth.

Not bad.

So your mommy and daddy can't tuck you in on the same night?

I'm too old to get tucked in.

Let's say you want.

Then, no, they can't tuck me in on the same night.

That's wild.

Room for one more, you wacky night owls?

Andy, it is nine hours past your bedtime.

Is Marilyn back yet?

No. No, she's not. Uncle Rob's getting a little worried about it.

Yeah, Dad gets worried a lot lately.

What were you guys talking about? Nothing.

What were you talking about, Andy?

Divorce.

It's not bad, but you can't get tucked in.

Well, hey, hey, you guys can talk about divorce all you want. I won't say a

word. Oh, great.

Here it comes.

Divorce does not affect me in any way.

All right, well, first of all, Mom and Dad are going to get divorced in the

first place, but even if they were, I don't care.

I mean, you know, in a year or two, I'm out of here.

A year or two?

Well, is there anything we can do to speed that up?

My only concern is that I'm going to have to support Mom and Dad in their old

age.

I mean, that's the question.

How much and when does it start?

Hi. Hello. Hello.

We were just talking about you.

Andy, what in the world are you doing up at this hour?

Waiting for you to tuck me in. It's your fault.

Come on, come on.

Let's go.

Alex doesn't care if you get divorced.

What? No, no, no.

No, what I said was I didn't think you would ever get divorced.

But if you did, I said... I don't care.

I could say I was hungry, but I'm not.

I'm worried about Marilyn.

And you.

She's doing this to hurt me.

It doesn't take a major mind to figure that out.

She had a nice life going, and to her way of thinking, I'm the one who screwed

it all up for her, so she doesn't want me to forget it.

I get the message.

How about you? How are you holding up?

As lousy as this is, okay.

I did the right thing, Elise.

Maureen and I just ground to a halt.

We lost it.

That thing we had that was so wonderful, it just went goodbye.

You know, it's funny. I just flashed to the night that Stephen brought me to

meet you.

His married brother and his wife in this apartment on Bank Street over the

bakery. Oh, that was a great bakery. G and Franco's.

The two of you were unbelievably cute.

A playing house, but for real. You know, it was so appealing.

So grown up.

Something that I wanted so much.

Some of the greatest cannolis I ever ate came out of that bakery.

That was quite a night.

Maureen made lamb stew.

We had some wine.

We had some more wine.

Remember we got to talking about...

whether Stephen and I should quit school and go to Newfoundland and run a

lighthouse.

He said, he can't fix a lamp.

How is he going to run a lighthouse?

So Stephen asked Maureen, what do you think? And she said, you know, if you

really love each other, you can be happy anywhere.

Like Rob and me.

I remember after you left, I said to Maureen, you know that, Elise, she isn't

bad looking.

Maureen said, no, she isn't. She's bright and charming. Even she'd be very

proud. I said, yeah, boy, that doofus get lucky.

Where the hell is Meryl?

Should I be getting crazy here, Elise? Because I am. I'm getting crazy. It's

of two.

Just wait it out.

Wait a little while longer and then maybe she'll...

You're not just saying that, are you, Uncle Rob?

Saying what, Alex?

About being a Republican.

No, Alex, I am a Republican.

You're certain?

I'm certain.

Well, then, good night.

Good night.

Because if you're not... I am, Alex.

I have an elephant on my key ring.

Well, then, good night.

Hello.

That's okay, honey. We're still up.

He's right here.

Where are you?

All right, I'll come get you.

Oh, no. Oh, that's out of the question. Just give me the address.

Marilyn, you don't even know him.

Don't you dare hang up on me.

She's going to spend the night at his place.

Don't go away. There's more Family Ties coming up in less than 30 seconds. And

tonight at 6, check out San Diego's favorite comedy lineup. That's right.

Friends, Will and Grace, and everybody loves Raymond.

Smile.

You're watching San Diego's home for comedy, KSWB. Watch the Frog.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.