Original subtitles

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Don't roll the dough too thin. The cookies will burn in the oven.

Why can't we get them out to work like everybody else?

It's more fun this way.

This is a special time between a mommy and her little boy.

You know, just the two of us here together, working, sharing, creating.

Mom, they're just cookies.

Okay, guys, we'll try it again tomorrow.

Hot cookies.

Hey, Andy.

Andy.

What are you wearing?

My apron.

Take that off. It's minutes.

You guys don't wear aprons? Yeah.

Anyway, that's my apron.

This is a totally inappropriate activity for Andy. That's ridiculous. We've been

raising him in a sensitive, non -sexist atmosphere for almost six years now.

Everything's worked out fine. Right, Stephen?

Well, um... Well, you know, uh...

Sure, sure.

But there's nothing wrong with a little balance.

A little yin, a little... Yang?

Maybe it's time to try something different.

Something guyish.

Want to go shave?

How about basketball, huh?

Basketball. It'll teach you the thrill of competition, the exhilaration of

exercise, the reward of...

Team spirit.

You just wanted someone you could beat, Alex.

Yeah, beat you, Blondie.

You wouldn't have beaten me, Alex, if you had let me use both hands.

Oh, I thought I heard Nick down here.

Hey.

What's going on? Thanks.

Um, Nick had a job interview. He's supposed to come over here afterwards.

What kind of job is Nick trying to get now?

It's a grant. I saw the job listing on campus, and I knew Nick would be perfect

for it.

What is it?

Dean of admissions.

I'll keep my fingers crossed, Mal.

Hey,

what happened? Did you get it? When did you start?

Mal, I didn't get the job. You know, I don't think I'm going to be dean of

admissions.

I am John.

There was this other job there that they thought I might be right for.

Janitor. Nick, I think you're on to something.

This is the janitor job at my sorority. I'm the one who wrote the ad.

Janitor needed.

Must have previous trash experience.

This is exciting.

You, my sorority, trash.

It's all coming together.

Okay, there's just two more applicants for the janitor job.

Larry Brigante and Nick Moore.

Mallory, maybe you should sit out those interviews. I mean, with your boyfriend

being one of the applicants and all. Karen, I'm going to be completely and

totally impartial here. I want what's best for the sorority.

Well, Mr. Briganti, can you tell us something about your qualifications?

I was chairman of the Custodial Institute of America from 1945 to 1980.

Ohio Janitor of the Year, 1983.

An inventor of the world famous Johnny Mop.

Well, that's all fine and good, but have you ever worked at a sorority before?

Can't say that I have.

Well, do you think you could handle a place of this size?

Well, I mean, if the White House wasn't a problem, I can't imagine this place

would be.

Well, thank you.

We'll have to get back to you.

Well, let me know as soon as you can.

It's either this or the Taj Mahal.

Nick Moore, please.

Hey.

That's the janitor for hello.

Sisters, this is Nick Moore. Let's give him a nice gamma delta gamma hi.

Hi.

So, Nick, can you tell us something about yourself?

Well, you know, I gotta tell you, it's all right off. I have no janitorial

experience.

I like that.

He's honest.

That's the most important thing in a janitor.

Look, you know, I know if it wasn't for Mal here, I wouldn't even be considered

for this job.

I gotta tell you, I feel a little bit nervous being around all you smart

Oh, Nick, no, don't be, please. No one's ever been nervous around us. No one's

ever called us smart, either.

You know, I can't help it. You see, college is not a place that I'm all that

familiar with.

Actually, high school is not a place I'm all that...

familiar with either. Actually, Nick, a formal education is not a requirement

for this job.

Hey, then I'm your guy.

But, you know, some interpersonal qualities you have that we might not

about could be helpful.

For instance, just are you an artist?

Why, yes, I am.

from an artist's residence.

He can help us with floats, banners, posters.

Maybe he could help us come up with decorations for the winter dance.

Well, what seems to be the problem? We've tried paper snowflakes, paper

It's all been done before.

We've got a wastebasket full of bad ideas.

Well, wait a minute here.

Now, what you see as bad ideas, I see as snowballs.

What? You see, you could paint.

A whole bunch of these and crumple them all up and turn them into snowballs and

have a winter wonderland of snowballs for your sorority dance.

I like that. I like that. Go with it.

See, you can throw them at each other and have a fight or you can glue them

together and make a fort or you can just pour water on them and turn them into

slush.

Okay. All those in favor of Nick?

Well, it's settled. Welcome, Nick.

Let's all give him a nice gamma delta gamma. You're hired.

You're hired.

Okay, now the object of the game is simply toss this ball into the basket.

Humor.

All right, now try.

All right, well, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. Now let me show you

it's done. There you go. Oops. Hey, Dad.

Let me have a shot. I think Andy could have the pleasure of seeing the ball

actually go through the hoop once.

Give me the ball.

Forget it. Yeah, give me the ball. Alex, I'm teaching him. I'm teaching him.

Andy, let's get out of here before it gets ugly.

Here we go.

Two points.

I don't want any more basketball in the house, Stephen.

Okay, okay.

You know, he really is a discipline problem, Mom.

Cheater.

Hi. Hi, you going out?

Oh, yeah.

Nick's coming over to pick me up. We're going to go to his place and watch TV.

How's Nick doing down at the sororities?

Well, he's really gotten into it.

You know, he's always there.

But today he's coming over, and it's just going to be the two of us together.

We're going to make popcorn and watch cartoons.

The old think tank in action, huh?

Have a wonderful time.

All right.

Hey.

Hi.

Um, Nick, what's going on?

A little change of plans. We're all going to go over to a football game.

Oh, I thought we were going to spend the afternoon together.

I mean, just the two of us. Yeah, I know, you know, but that was before the

girls asked me to go to the game.

You never liked football before, Nick.

Yeah, I never knew the cheers before, but now...

I have a lot of homework to do. So you all go ahead and have fun.

All right, babe. Well, we'll see you later.

Don't work too hard, huh? Bye -bye.

Hear us ring. Hear us ring. Ring, ding, ring. Let's go, Greg. Hey!

Okay.

Where's Mallory?

She's upstairs getting ready for her sorority dance.

I want to give her the truck for her to bring with her tonight.

That's a great idea, Andy. That'll make Mallory the only girl at the dance with

a truck.

Everybody will be really jealous.

Give Mallory that truck. I'm sure she doesn't have anything like it in her

closet. Yeah, that's great.

You told me. I told you.

Hi.

Hi, Jen.

That's a fabulous dress, Mel. It really goes with the truck.

Boy, you sure look great, honey.

I'm just not up for tonight.

I mean, ever since they made Nick an honorary member of the sorority, I never

get to see him alone anymore.

And when I do, it's always gamma delta gamma this, gamma delta gamma that.

It's making me crazy. I never thought I'd have to call my boyfriend's sister.

Oh, I don't know, ma 'am. I think he's kind of cute.

I mean... Picture him right now. He's at home, choosing an outfit, crimping,

putting on dippity -doo.

I can't believe the way Nick has changed.

Now he's hopping around all the time, perky, singing.

It's like going out with Annette Funicello.

Tell him how you feel.

No, not yet.

Not yet.

Hey.

Now.

Sister.

Yeah, Mr. Keaton, would you be interested in buying some raffle

know, I'm... We're trying to bring some members of our sorority over from China.

Oh, well, that's great.

But let me share with you a little secret that I learned from the girl.

Hairspray helps remove ink spots.

Got it.

So, uh, Mal, you look great.

Nick, I think you've been taking the sorority stuff a little too seriously.

Oh, really?

You know, Mal, I was hoping maybe some of it would rub off on you. And if

something does rub off on you, may I suggest rinsing it briskly with some

salt?

I think you're missing my point.

I think you've become a little too involved with Gamma Delta Gamma.

Well, Mal, you know, I think you take Gamma Delta Gamma a little for granted.

You see, I don't think you showed enough respect.

As a matter of fact, you know, I have been reviewing the Gamma Delta Gamma

rulebook.

And I have found out that you break almost every rule in it. For instance,

should only entertain male visitors on the porch or in the parlor.

You should never cross your legs while wearing a skirt.

And at all sorority functions after 6 p .m., you should always wear gloves.

Nick, those rules are from 1937.

Hey, so what? You know, you still got to follow them.

Listen. Mal, I would really hate to bring you up on charges.

Now, look, you're a Gamma Delta Gamma girl, huh?

Act like one.

Hey, babe.

Great party, huh? Oh, yeah, it's great.

I hope you don't mind me doing a little cleaning up now and then.

Oh, no, go right ahead. It's your job.

Okay. Oh, you know, say, you really should put that drink on a coaster, not

table. You're going to ruin the finish there.

Thank you.

Congratulations. Everyone just loved all the decorations. You really did a great

job. Oh, hey, thanks.

My favorite is definitely the mothball igloo. Oh, me too.

You know, it's attractive and snow -like, yet it keeps pests away from our

warts.

You're incredible.

Okay, everyone.

It's time to sing the Gamma Delta Gamma Sisterhood.

Men to women from mere girls.

Oh, gamma, delta, gamma.

Here before you win our gowns and our pearls.

Where did you get that birth?

Read your rule book.

Nick, you really didn't have to sing that song.

Yeah, I did, Mal. If you read the rule book... No, I don't want to read my rule

book.

And now...

The crowning of the 1987 Gamma Delta Gamma Winter Dance Snow Queen.

All right.

Venue, 1987 Gamma Delta Gamma Snow Queen.

Boyfriends with Snow Queen.

Ladies, gentlemen, sisters.

This is a most momentous occasion.

Nick, come on. Stop it. What do you think you're doing?

Well, I'm just saying my acceptance speech here.

You have a job here. That's it. Why can't you just show up, punch in your

card, and go home?

Okay.

I'll leave.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

How was the dance?

I had a terrible time.

Nick spent half the evening cleaning up.

And then he sang the Gamma Delta Gamma song solo.

And then he was crowned Snow Queen.

Sounds like a full evening.

I yelled at him in front of everyone. I mean, there he was, the Snow Queen,

surrounded by his ladies and waiting.

I just flipped out.

Well, don't worry about it, Mel.

Now that Nick is queen, I'm sure he'll calm down.

Well, honey, but didn't you talk to him?

I tried. He wouldn't listen to me. He kept giving me etiquette lessons and

household tips.

Well, you know, I tried that hairspray trick. It really worked.

Oh, Nick. Well, we've heard the news.

Nick, Nick, tell me. Tell me. What do you think put you over the top?

What is it, talent?

Swim suit?

Uh, just lucky, I guess.

Well, it's an honor to have the Snow Queen in our house. Absolutely.

Good evening, Your Majesty. Hey.

Hey.

Hi.

So, uh, how'd the rest of the dance go?

All right, I guess.

We had to elect a new Snow Queen.

But you're still the runner -up.

It's an important job. In case the new Snow Queen can't fulfill all her

responsibilities, you'd have to step in.

Look, Mel,

I've been thinking about what you said and how I've been acting lately.

And I kind of realized that I went over the edge with this sorority stuff. Oh,

no, no. I'm the one. I totally overreacted. I mean, you have a right to

fun.

Not every guy gets to be Snow Queen.

You know, I just had no idea that it would bother you so much.

You know, it's just I got so caught up with being part of a group, a member of

club. I never had that. I just felt good to belong.

Well, I didn't know you needed that.

I always thought you were a loner.

I never really did good in group situations. I never really fit in.

You see, the sorority was the first group that really accepted me as

me. I finally fit in.

I guess I felt like you fit in too well.

I mean, you were always at the sorority, and you were always with the girls. I

never got to see you alone, and, um...

I guess I felt a little threatened.

Why?

Because I didn't feel special anymore.

Because all of a sudden you're spending time with all these girls and you're

having all this fun with them, the kind of fun I thought you could only have

with me.

And I felt like you didn't need me anymore.

I'll always need you. You are my girlfriend. They are just my sisters.

Well, you're my sister, too.

Now, you are very, very special to me.

I am?

Yeah.

Because you're the only girl that I'll ever love.

I love you, Nick.

I propose a toast to the best janitor and snow queen in the history of Gamma

Delta Gamma.

Uh, you got a coaster for that?

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.