Original subtitles

What would we do, baby, without her?

What would we do, baby, without her?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without her?

Sha -la -la -la.

Good morning.

Did you creep out of bed at 3 o 'clock this morning? Or was I dreaming?

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to waken you. I had a good idea for the Hammond

building, and I wanted to go down and work on it.

Please, that's the fourth night in a row you've gone down to work on that.

Wouldn't it be easier to bring the Hammond building into bed with us?

I went down to add glass panels to the lobby.

It's done, Stephen. I have finished it. Oh, am I glad to hear that.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

I've missed you.

I've missed you, too.

You know, if you keep that up, you're going to become fused at the lip.

You're going to have to be separated surgically.

And I don't think Blue Cross covers that.

Good morning.

Good morning. Great news, Alex. Your mother's finished the Hammond building.

great, Mom. Just minutes before it's finished up.

Well, I know it's been a struggle for everybody lately, but I want you to know

everything's going to lighten up from now on. Oh, yeah, well, we've heard that

before, Mom. Somehow I feel there are bigger and more time -consuming Hammond

buildings lurking out there in our future.

I feel other buildings lurking out there, too.

No, no, no. I'll take a look. See?

According to my daily planner.

Huh? We get a glance?

A month at a glance?

You know, Alan, she might enjoy one of these.

Oh, no, Mommy. That's not for me.

You know, I need a decade at a glance.

Hi. Hey, Gary.

Hey. I brushed my teeth.

Oh, hi. Good for you.

Yeah, with my toothbrush.

Well, at least you brushed.

Stephen, can you pick up Andy after school today? Oh, I can't today, hon.

Anyway, it's your turn, isn't it? Well, yes, but I have that ASA luncheon. I

really don't want to miss it.

I've got a big budget meeting today down at the station.

PBS budget meeting?

What do they do there? Just, like, throw loose change on the floor?

Everybody dives for it?

I could cancel it, Elise.

No, no, it's my responsibility.

I have midterms, Mom.

And a lot boggles the mind.

I actually have to study.

Well, I can't. My advanced fashion class is going on a comparative fabrics field

trip.

A comparative fabrics field trip?

Yes, we're going shopping.

I got it at lunchtime all by car. I know how to drive. Alex taught me.

Have you been letting him drive?

Once.

In an open field.

On a farm.

Left turn. Right turn.

Watch out for the cow.

Oh, I got it. I got it.

Hey.

Hi, Lauren.

Lauren, can I ask you a question? It's kind of personal. Sure, go ahead.

Do you actually like him?

Or...

Is this relationship part of a bizarre psychology study?

Well, it's a little of both.

Lauren, I know I have no right to ask you this, but could you pick up Andy

school today?

Oh, you have every right to ask, Mrs. Keaton, but I have appointments

all afternoon. I'm sorry. Join a club.

I just feel so guilty. There's so much to do and not enough time to do it in.

Well, you really shouldn't feel guilty. You know, a confident, loving mother

like you is going to bring up a happy, well -adjusted child.

Mm -hmm.

Worked for me.

Well, took the theory.

There he is. The sweetest little boy in the world. No one can pick him up from

school. So he says, that's okay.

Everybody's done enough.

I'll just stay at school.

Well, enjoy it while you can, Elise, because before you know it, they'll all

grown up and out of the house. I wish they'd hurry up about it.

I don't really mean that.

Sometimes things get so out of hand, I want to scream.

Go ahead and scream.

Good loud scream to really pep things up around here.

Hey, Doris.

Nice outfit.

You feel it well.

Don't you think so, Elise?

What's the matter, girls? Can't you take a compliment?

Norbeck Jenkins in St. Clair. And Keaton.

Oh, hello, Mr. Norbeck.

You're coming in loud and clear, sir. Where are you?

You're downstairs in the garage.

Yes, sir.

Yes, she's right here.

I'll tell her.

Happy parking, sir.

He wants to talk to you, Elise. Something important, he says.

Did he mention me at all?

Well, he did say he had to get gas.

How come she kids around with you and not with me?

She hates you.

And for all the right reasons.

Like what?

Well, you're rude. You're just a little bit pushy. Slow down. Those are two of

my best traits.

Hello, Mr. Norvac.

Doris. Oh, Carl, good news. The Hammond building is done.

Well, thank you very much. But I have better news.

Diamond Resorts International.

It's ours. The works. Three high -rises. Whoa, congratulations, Carl.

That's great, Mr. Norvac. Yeah, congratulations, Carl.

Who are you?

I'm Jerry.

What line of work you in there, Jerry?

That's great news about Diamond Resort.

It's very exciting.

It sure is.

Now, when can you start?

Me? Yes.

Congratulations, Elise.

It's yours.

Me? Oh, no.

You? Oh, yes.

Colin, I don't have time for a project of this magnitude.

Of course, if Elise can't handle this, sir, I am available.

Jerry, sir.

Jerry Danilo.

Come on, I'll take you to the luncheon. Then we'll go meet the Diamond family.

They're very decent people.

In fact, I must admit, I love them.

Boy, this is like a great opportunity. I don't know how I could pass this up.

Now you're talking. Elise?

Elise, it's for you. Enter school.

Oh, oh.

Hello. Speaking.

Well, my husband was going to pick him up.

I'll be right there.

Nobody's picked up Andrew. He's just sitting there.

I've got to go.

All right, you want to see loop -de -loop?

Yeah.

Really glad to see you, both of you. Mrs.

Nelson gave me a yo -yo. You want to see loop -de -loop?

Well, yeah, go ahead.

Sure, Dad.

Hey.

Yeah, that's great, Stephen.

Look, I went down to the school, and they said they called you, and you came

picked him up. Now, I was so worried. I just came home.

And here we are.

Well, Stephen, I thought you were planning on picking him up today. I

you were. It's okay. It's fine. We're all here.

That's right. Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Alex, who said they were picking up Andy today, me or your dad? It's not

importantly. Of course it's important. We left him at school.

No, I think you said you were going to pick him up.

Oh, really?

Well, we're all here. That's what counts.

That's right. We'll never have another mixed up like that again, Andy. Thanks,

Dad. Yeah. You see, your mom and I have both been pretty busy lately, but that's

going to lighten up a little.

First of all, I had a big budget meeting today, and it went great. You guys were

able to make change for that dollar?

Secondly, your mother has finished the Hammond building, and things are going

lighten up a little for her, too. Yeah, Mom, how did Norbeck like the Hammond

building? He loved it. Oh, great. Oh, that's great, honey. And actually, as a

kind of reward, he offered me the Diamond Resorts International account.

Three high -rises.

I said yes.

Really?

That's great.

And here, I thought things were going to lighten up for you, but that's how it

goes.

Andy, why don't you go on upstairs and play for a little bit, huh?

Okay, but let me know how this turns out.

Okay. Okay, we know we've got a problem here. Let's just try and deal with it in

a reasonable manner.

I'm nothing if not reasonable.

So what do you want me to do, quit?

That's reasonable.

No, I don't want you to quit. You want someone to quit? You quit.

I don't want to quit.

Wait, wait, wait.

Which one of you makes more money?

What difference does that make?

Well, because the other one should quit.

Alex, please, nobody's quitting.

Let me look at your tax returns.

I mean it. I can help.

And it'll bring us closer together.

Look, Elise, I'm very happy for you. I truly am.

It's a marvelous opportunity.

But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed.

Fine. Then I'll quit. I'll give it all up.

I mean, that's what you're saying. That's really what you want, isn't it?

Elise, please. You're overtired. You don't mean what you're saying.

No, no. It's fine with me. I'll quit.

That's what you want. You got it.

We will turn the clock back. We'll go back to the 50s.

Don't say a word, Dad. This is a magical moment.

Let's savor it.

Let's hold hands.

I'm not asking that of you, Elise. That's not an answer for us. I don't

Let's go back to the fabulous 50s.

I'll put my hair in a beehive and I'll wear a little string of pearls and a

little poodle skirt.

And I'll cook and I'll clean. And when you come home from work, I'll just step

out of my hula hoop and I'll serve you up a spectacular dinner and you can tell

me everything that happened in the real world.

I'd love that.

I'd do that for you.

Well, fine.

It settles.

Did you guys hear Mom and Dad arguing last night?

Oh, I wouldn't say they were arguing.

What's going on? What are they fighting about?

Well, Andy, what we're dealing with here is a very complex male -female issue.

I know that much, Alan.

See, in the beginning, all was well.

There was harmony. There was balance.

You know, man was the hunter, the provider, the protector.

And woman stayed home, you know, took care of the babies, cooked and cleaned.

Got an occasional facial.

Here it comes, the latest installment of the world according to Alex P. Keaton.

I thought we canceled our subscription.

It just keeps coming anyway.

All I'm doing here is presenting the facts. Now, sexual lines have become

blurred. People are confused.

And if you ask me, it all started with the first woman who went out and got a

job.

Joan of Arc.

Alex, really, these revisionist history lessons should be against the law.

Look, if Joan had just stayed home with her hubby, Mr. Arc, you

know, baked him a couple of quiches, maybe she wouldn't have been baked

You know, Alex, when we were smaller, we had to listen to this. But we don't

have to listen anymore.

Come on, Mel. We can take him.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Come on, try it.

Put him in that headlock. Put him in that headlock!

Oh,

great, I was tied behind your girlfriend.

Well, look at you, you big, brave girl.

Two against one.

What's going on?

Alex was just explaining to us how the first woman to get a job brought down

world.

The Joan of Arc story.

Just trying to make a point.

What point is that?

My, you all look lovely today.

Hi there. Hi.

You guys have a good night's sleep.

I just want you to know that I'm aware of what you guys have been going

I feel a little guilty about this. I realize the past few months I haven't

the greatest mom in the world.

Oh, Mom, don't say that. Nothing could be further from the truth.

You're a great mom.

You've been a wonderful mom.

Mrs. Keaton.

And if working makes you happy, well, it makes us happy, too.

Thanks for your support. It really means a lot to me.

Oh, by the way, I'm free this afternoon, so I can pick up Andy if it's a

problem. Oh, thank you, Lauren. That's really sweet of you. But Mr.

Keaton and I worked out a very interesting plan.

Andy, your dad's going to pick you up from school today.

And then guess what he's going to do with you?

Lose me?

No.

No, no, I'm going to bring you to Mommy's office. Then you can help Mommy

her architecture all afternoon.

Isn't it enough that she works?

I want you to know that I'm really going to work hard to make this situation

work out.

And it's going to be tough, and there'll be a lot of demands on me, on my time

and my energy.

But I can handle it.

I know I can.

It will be tough, but I'm still your mother.

And I still love you very much.

And I'll always be there for you.

Well, I've got to go.

I'm really excited that Andy's coming. He should be here any minute.

You know, Elise, I'm glad your kid's coming and all that, but I have to admit

something to you. I'm not that crazy about kids.

I want kids.

But I'm not that crazy about them.

Don't have any.

Oh, no, I want a big family.

Jerry. What?

You ought to lie down on a couch and have someone drill directly into your

skull.

Oh, really? What good would that do?

It would kill you.

Hey, gang, how you doing?

Yeah, we stopped for ice cream.

Oh, did you really?

It was chocolate.

I've got to go.

He's a little tired. I think he needs a nap.

Hey, he can sleep on my desk. I'm not using it.

I'm off.

I'd love to hang around and design a bridge with you, but I don't know how

See you later.

Bye -bye, Andy.

So how's my boy?

I want to go home.

Well, I did know that a sweet little boy was coming to play here, so I got you.

So, Clay, you want to make something out of clay?

Yeah. Great.

Finished.

Well, what is it?

It's a pelican.

Let's go home.

Oh, honey, we can't go home now.

Maybe I can play a little something with you. What would you like to play?

Follow the leader.

That's a great idea.

Can Uncle Jerry play?

Everybody can play, but I go first.

Great.

Oh,

Andy.

Hi, Carl.

Elise, this is Roger Diamond, Diamond International Resorts.

Elise Keaton, the architect I was telling you about.

How do you do? Quite well, thank you. You play an excellent follow -the

That's my secretary, Doris Cameron.

Hi.

And, uh... Jerry, sir.

Jerry Dinello.

And this is my son, Andrew. This is Mr. Diamond. And Mr. Norback, my boss. Hi.

Could you please fire Mom? We need her at home.

So Butchie and Tom climbed over the fence and started down the road to the

They knew that Mr. Peabody would be there, and he'd let them use his boat.

He walked along, kicking at the pebbles and breathing the soft summer air,

knowing for certain that they'd always be friends.

The end.

How was that? The best story I ever heard.

Good. Any questions?

Yes. Who's picking me up at school?

Your dad and I will figure that one out.

No mix -ups?

No mix -ups. Give me a big kiss.

Daddy and I will be up to tuck you in in a bit, okay?

Put on your pajamas. No sleeping in your baseball uniform again.

Well, how's it going?

Hi, sweetheart. I don't know.

Every time I look at the drawings, all I see is Andy's face.

All I hear is Andy's voice saying, Please fire my mommy. We need her at

I can't help it. I just feel guilty.

Okay. I do, too.

It's not the same for you, Stephen. It's not. I gave birth to those kids.

Well, I did, too.

That's not the way I remember it.

Okay, I didn't actually give birth.

But, uh...

If I could have, I would have.

How many are we to worry about, Stephen?

Much, Sam.

How's Andy going to look back on these years?

I mean, when I think back on my childhood, the memories that mean the

me, the ones that are most comforting, are of my mother.

Like the summer when I was seven, I had the chicken pox. I was miserable.

I was itchy and scratchy, and I was watching all these other kids go to the

to swim.

But my mother stayed home with me, and she made a magical place just for the

of us.

Oh, she made a cave with blankets and pillows, and she brought in lemonade and

sandwiches, and we pretended that we were castaways stranded on some island

the South Pacific.

We called it Donnelly Island.

I'd like to visit it sometime.

Am I making any memories like that for Andrew? Yes.

from now. What is he going to remember?

His mommy's office?

His mommy's blueprints?

Where's Andy's Donnelly Island?

He has one, Elise.

I like to think of it as Keaton Island.

But he does have one.

You see, it's his childhood, Elise, not yours.

And he will have his own memories, and they'll be beautiful ones, of a brother

and sisters and friends, of his dad, and of his very loving mother.

A woman who was happy and satisfied at work, and who brought that happiness

to her children.

I hope so.

We've been lucky with our children, haven't we?

They've brought us so much.

They have.

Want to have another one?

Not just yet.

It's like just practice sometimes.

Well, I think I could probably fit you in right here between 11 o 'clock and 11

o 'clock.

There's more family ties coming up in less than 30 seconds. And tonight at 6,

check out San Diego's favorite comedy lineup. That's right.

Friends, Willie Grayson, everybody loves Raymond.

Smile.

You're watching San Diego's home for comedy, KSWB. Watch the frog.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.