Original subtitles

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing. We can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

Mom, Dad, Nick and I have some wonderful news to share with you.

No, no, don't say it.

Please.

Do you want to tell him?

No, you tell him.

Nobody tell him.

Mom, Dad, Jen, Nick got a job.

this for.

What kind of job is it?

I sell light bulbs to people over the phone.

Sounds more like a practical joke than a job.

Come on, Nick, show them how you do it. All right, but I have to follow this

standard procedure here.

Okay, number one, before dialing, be sure to be seated comfortably in your

chair.

You're doing great, Nick.

You're a natural at this.

Okay, I'm seated.

I'm comfortable.

There's only one problem, though. What?

I can't reach the phone.

Nick, why don't you try it without the chair?

You're an artist. You can improvise. Come on.

All right, you know, it's not company policy, but I'll just give it a shot

I'm just going to pick a client from my list here and dial.

This is so exciting.

Uh,

hello. Uh, Mrs. Bianco. Hey.

Uh, how would you like to buy some light bulbs?

Oh.

Oh, hey, I'm real sorry about that, ma 'am.

Oh, she had some good arguments. I mean, for one thing, she wasn't Mrs.

Bianco.

Hey, wait.

I gotta get going. My company's having a big employee seminar.

Japanese lanterns. They are not just for parties anymore.

Oh, wow.

Alex,

is it home yet?

No, honey. He's still at the library with Lauren.

Wall Street Week is starting. He's gonna miss it.

Don't worry. They wouldn't start without him.

It's a special show about coin collecting.

Well, maybe he forgot it was on.

What am I saying?

He has to see it. We're going to the coin fair on Saturday.

Why don't you go in and start watching, and when Alex gets here, he'll join you.

No, no, no.

That's not how it works.

We always watch it from the beginning.

We'd like to sing the theme song.

Well, here, I'll watch it with you.

Hey.

Hi, honey. Hi, Lauren. Alex, you're late. You're for Wall Street week.

there waiting for you. Oh, yeah.

Couldn't be helped, Mom. Couldn't be helped.

It's a big psychology lecture. I didn't want to miss it. You know me.

What was it about?

A favorite professor of mine was lecturing on the cognitive powers of

baboons. Well, that sounds interesting.

Why was Alex there?

Because I'm a very supportive boyfriend, Mom.

Lauren's interest in my interest.

She wanted me to be there, so I went.

Means a lot to her.

I'm impressed.

Alex, hurry!

Wall Street Week is starting.

Oh, listen, I'm going to skip it today, okay, pal? But I already made the

popcorn and the cash register is all heated up.

Yeah, well, you know, Lauren's here, so... But we always watch it together.

Well, I know we do, but Lauren's not always here.

Yes, she is.

So, Lauren, how's your psychology study coming? Oh, I think it's going very,

very well.

Very well.

Want to go in the other room and play, Alex?

No, not right now.

You know, Lauren, I was reading a little young yesterday, and I was really

fascinated by his use of dreams and psychoanalysis.

Can you analyze dreams?

Can she analyze dreams?

She's like Carnac.

You know, um... I had a dream last night.

I, uh... I did, I did. I, uh...

I was walking down the street and suddenly

I noticed, um... I didn't have any clothes on.

That's gross, Dad.

So I just ran around hiding behind cars trying to find my clothes.

Was I in this dream?

Well, yes, you were. You were playing racquetball with Dwight Eisenhower.

But let's stick to my part.

What do you make of this one? Is there any hope for my dad?

Well, dream analysis is very complex.

But if I had to take an educated guess, I would say that this dream shows that

your dad's trying to hide something.

And there's a part of him he doesn't want anyone to see, which is probably

he has that beard.

Or maybe not. No, no, no. I'm just a student. I can be completely wrong. In

fact, I know I am. No, you're not.

Stephen, can we talk about this in private?

Of course. Are you worried?

No, I just want you to tell me what I was wearing.

A lovely sunflower tennis dress. The ruffles, very pretty.

And President Eisenhower? The same dress.

And were you furious?

Time to play yet? Oh, no, no, not yet, Annie.

I had a dream. It was really weird.

I was in the mall and I went into my favorite store and I bought this

really beautiful red leather jacket that I've wanted for the last two months.

What do you think that could mean?

I think it means you really wanted to buy the jacket.

Wow.

Hello, um, hello, Mr.

Bowman.

Hi, I'm Nick Moore, and I really want to tell you... Thought I had him there for

a minute.

Boy, I thought so, too.

I got it! I got it! I got it! I got it!

I got it!

Hey. Whoa, whoa.

Not in front of the you -know -whos.

Oh, Alex, let her kiss you. Get it while you can.

Nice jacket, Mallory.

Hi,

Lauren. Hi, Lauren.

Where are you guys off to? A little touch football game in McKinley Field,

just play every Saturday, just a friendly game. Well, yeah, yeah, it was

friendly game until I was invited to play.

Whoa!

Sorry,

just a reflex.

Yeah, let's just keep it a friendly game.

Oh, um, by the way...

I just want to mention, I had another dream last night.

This time I had all my clothes, but I didn't have my beard.

I'm really happy for you, Mr. Keaton.

That's real progress.

Yeah, we'll see you. You'll see it.

Have a good time.

Dad, you have the weirdest dream.

Maybe so, but this explains a lot to me. Well, how's that, Nick?

Well, last night, I dreamt that I had your beard.

Where's Alex?

He went to play football with Lauren, Andy. But he's supposed to take me to

coin fair today.

Oh, I knew it.

Andy, I'm sorry.

I'm sure it just hurt his mind. He wouldn't do anything to hurt you.

Andy.

Bad Alex.

A bad, bad boy.

I'm sorry, Andy.

Don't hurt me.

What's this?

Stuff.

gave you?

I'm giving it back.

The see it, say it book of Ohio tax laws?

Would you help me get this picture down?

Come here, Andy. Come here.

I understand why you'd feel hurt.

It's going to be just a very Just you and your big brother, and he forgot all

about it.

Now I'm really depressed.

Hey, guys.

Well, how are you feeling, Andy?

Andy, don't worry about Alex. See, sooner or later, Lauren's going to come

her senses and send him packing. Then he'll be all yours again.

And if he doesn't come back... This is your chance to grow up normal.

Annie? Hey. Ann, look. If you don't want to go to the coin fair, there are lots

of other things we can do. We can go to the mall.

We can go shopping.

We can get makeovers.

Hey,

hey, hey, hey. Look, little guy.

I'm real sorry you're upset.

I hope this cheers you up. I know it's not much, but here's a bug light.

Hey, hey, so that's where everybody is. Hey, Andy.

Andy, what's the matter?

Alex, today... Today was the big coin fair. You promised to take Andy.

Oh.

No. I forgot, no? And you broke a little boy's heart.

Way to go, Alex.

All right. All right, everybody. Find something else to do, preferably in

another room.

I didn't mean you, Steven.

Yeah, right, right.

Andy?

Andy, listen.

I'm really, really sorry, buddy. I'm sorry I forgot about the coin fair. It

just an accident.

He feels so left out, huh? He just loves you so much.

I'm going to make it up to him.

Gonna make it up to him tomorrow.

Uh, Lorne and I, we're gonna take him out anyway. We got the perfect thing

planned. What are you gonna do?

Gonna go to a lecture on campus.

Oh, I'm sure he'll love that.

On second thought, um, uh, we'll go to Playland.

Huh? How does that sound? We'll go on some rides, play some video games.

Huh?

What do you think of that, Andy?

Can I have cotton candy?

All you want.

Isn't this the best fun, huh?

Got my favorite guy, got my favorite girl.

Alex, you're leaning on my hair.

Oh, sorry. Whoa. You know, I see a lot of potential in this relationship.

You guys are like the Hope and Crosby for the 80s.

Let's get a little chatter going, huh?

Lauren, you want to ask Andy some questions?

Alex, this isn't the dating game.

I'm thirsty.

He's opening up.

I'll get it. What's your favorite flavor?

Orange. One orange soda coming up.

Okay, all right. Well, what do you think? Is she a great girl?

Why is she here?

Well, I told you yesterday she was going to be here.

I thought you were silly.

Here's your soda, Andy.

Orange. I don't want orange. I want root beer. I hate orange.

Go get your root beer.

Finger out.

Right. Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute, Laura. Andy.

Andy, you said orange.

I was here. I heard you. Now, what's the deal here?

You're supposed to be having fun.

No.

Look, there's no reason to get upset, okay?

I'll just get you a ginger ale. No, I'll get the ginger ale.

You guys stay. Just get better acquainted.

Look, Andy.

I'm really sorry about the fact that you missed the coin fair yesterday.

Alex and I were playing football and he forgot.

Alex is a very special guy. I can see why you like him so much.

He's okay.

Oh, dinosaurs.

Well, I've always liked dinosaurs.

Well, yeah, I don't like them.

Hey.

Hey, don't let me interrupt.

Just wanted to bring you your ginger ale. Come on, keep the chatter going.

guys are cooking.

I'm gonna go play Space Invaders.

I don't know, Warren.

Andy is a really very sweet kid, you know. He's very special. I wish you

see that side of him.

Well, you know, this is gonna take time. You can't force things.

I like to force things.

Don't worry, it'll come.

Look, right now he's just having a very common psychological reaction for

children. I read all about this. He's feeling threatened, so he's trying to

your attention by misbehaving.

Great, great. So what do I do?

I don't know.

That's next semester.

Hey, hey, hey, Andy.

Whoa, Andy, stop it. Stop it. Hey, stop it. What's going on here? What are you

doing? Leave me alone.

Then I find myself walking down the street. The same...

The same street as in my last dream.

Only this time I'm wearing only a beret and a Miss Wyoming banner.

I have to go upstairs now.

Wait, wait, there's more.

I got it!

Oh, well, have the day go.

It didn't work.

Just didn't work. We tried everything.

We played Space Invaders. We ate cotton candy.

I spent 45 bucks at Pocahontas trying to win him a giraffe.

God, I feel guilty.

Coming between you and your brother.

Oh, don't you start with me.

I took you to Playland. You had cotton candy.

Look, I know there's a problem here, okay? The question is, how do we solve

Come on, you guys, you're parents. You've seen this one before. What do we

Well, he's a kid, you know. It's hard to make him really understand what's going

on.

He's easily confused by the things that you do.

Actually, we all are.

Sorry things didn't work out at Playland.

Me too.

Listen, I know that we're going through kind of a tough adjustment right now.

But you gotta remember that I love you, okay? I love you very much.

Oh, I always will. You know, you're my brother, and nothing is gonna change

that.

You just have to remember that I care about Lauren, too.

Why?

Because. Because she's smart.

She's sweet. Very nice.

What does she have that I don't have?

I'm going to be honest with you, Andy.

A lot.

I mean, she's a girl, you know.

Different with girls.

I find her very, very attractive.

I'm attractive.

No argument.

No argument. You are. You are.

Lauren makes me feel very special.

I can do that.

Andy, we're getting into a very tricky area here.

Okay, look. When I'm around Lauren, I want to hug her.

You know, I want to kiss her.

We do that, too.

She eats all her vegetables and she goes to bed on time.

She wins.

Andy,

it's not a matter of winning or losing in this case. It's only in this case.

You just have to understand that I can care about...

About you and Lauren at the same time, it doesn't make me love you any less.

It doesn't?

Look, we're still going to spend time together. We're still going to have fun.

She said now, you know, you're going to have to share me with Lauren.

All right.

Look, Andy, I'm sorry that I haven't paid much attention to you lately.

And I know you. I mean, I know you must have been pretty upset to do what you

did. I'm sorry, Alex. I just miss you. I miss old days.

Hey.

I love you.

I love you, too. All right.

Thank you.

Give

me

one favor.

I want you to try and be friends with Lauren.

Okay? Because she really wants to be friends with you.

Okay.

Okay. Now, she's outside, and she told me that she really wants to see your

room.

All right?

Okay. Now, remember, you're the host here. You got to try and make her feel

comfortable. Got it?

I welcome my room.

Keep it coming. Keep it coming.

I brought you something.

What?

Thought you might be thirsty.

So this is your room, huh?

I like it.

Teddy bears.

Do you like teddy bears?

I don't know, do you?

Yes, I like them very much.

Me too.

Now, this is my story time.

Alex writes me stories.

All right, well, I'll leave you two guys alone.

No, wait, wait. Maybe he can read to both of us.

Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

Okay, climb up, climb up.

All right. It's a good story.

It's a good story.

Chapter one.

Deferring income to the next tax.

Watch the Frog.

Don't go away. There's more family ties coming up in less than 30 seconds. And

tonight at 6, check out San Diego's favorite comedy lineup. That's right.

Friends, Will and Grace, and everybody loves Raymond. Duda, Duda. Smile. You're

watching San Diego's home for comedy, KSWB. Watch the Frog.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.