Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years.

And I bet we'll be together for a million more.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we kissed.

And I can't remember what I ever did before.

Just what we do, baby, without us.

Just what we do.

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without her?

Pass the business section.

I'm not done yet.

How's the market doing this morning?

Don't ask.

All right, okay, who's got the editorial?

Me, there's a really interesting piece on the influence of the early primaries

in the presidential campaign.

How's Dennis the Menace, ma 'am?

Alex, for your information, I'm reading the human interest sections, fashion,

health and beauty guide.

You know, the world could blow up.

You wouldn't even know about it.

I'd know about it before you, Alex.

Horoscope section.

Oh, good, I'm glad you're all here. We gotta talk.

Does anybody know what next Thursday is?

Sure, it's Mom's birthday.

It's off to the end of the first quarter of the fiscal year.

Don't you just hate it when two festive occasions fall on the same day?

Well, look, I'd like to do something special this year, like throw a surprise

party for your mother. What?

Look, Dad, we know you mean well, but your surprise parties never work.

That is not true. What about the surprise party I planned for Andy's

birthday?

knew about it months before.

This is going to be different. I've got the perfect plan.

Now, look, you kids tell Mom you want to take her out for a special birthday

dinner. At the last moment, I'll pretend I can't go because of some emergency at

the office.

No, listen, listen, listen.

So anyway, when you go out, I'll come home and I'll let the guests in and the

food, I'll get the food.

What's going on?

Nothing, absolutely nothing.

All right, what's this about?

I can't take the pressure.

I wonder what's bothering Andy.

I better go check on the kid.

Well, something's going on.

Hello. Hey, Skippy, what's up?

Not much. It's just one of those rare evenings where I have no plans.

Thought maybe one of you would like to go out tonight.

I'll tell you what, Skip, I'd love to, but I got a date tonight.

I understand.

How about you, Mel?

Ordinarily, I'd love to, Skippy, but I'm busy tonight.

Your friends come over to pick me up. We're going to study at the library.

Maybe I'll come along. I could turn pages for you, sharpen pencils.

I make a good paperweight.

Maybe some other time.

Skip, I'll tell you what. You know, I could call and cancel my day. We could

something. Oh, no, no. That's okay, Alex. I'll be fine.

I'll go home and work on my posture.

Yeah. Okay, pal.

Hello.

Hello. I'm here to pick up Mallory.

Oh, right.

Yes, come in, please.

Won't you sit down?

Sure, thank you.

Can I get you something to drink?

No, thank you.

I'm Skippy Handelman.

Hi, I'm Amy Sussman.

So you're the one who's going to the library with... Mallory. Right, right.

We're in psychology class together at Grant College.

I go to Grant.

Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen you there.

Well, I spend most of my time locked away in the science library.

I'm pre -med. Oh, well, that explains it. See, I'm not pre -med.

What are you, pre -law?

No, I'm sort of...

What I mean is I haven't really found the classes I want to take.

Well, that's okay. Choosing a career is a big decision.

No, I mean I physically can't find my classes.

Amy, I thought I saw your car. Are you ready? Uh -huh.

Well, it was nice meeting you, Skippy. I hope I see you around campus.

Me too.

Bye. Bye.

Uh, can we, uh, can we talk to you for a moment?

Yeah, what's up?

Well, um, as you know, your birthday is next week.

And, and we'd, we'd like to take you out for a special birthday dinner. Right.

Oh, oh, that's, that's very sweet. But I thought we'd just stay home that night,

have a quiet family dinner here.

All right, look, Mom, um, okay, we didn't want to have to tell you this,

is planning a surprise party for you.

You're kidding.

I'm real sorry, Mom.

Part of the plan was for us to take you out to dinner.

All right, I'll go upstairs and I'll tell him how excited I am about going

to dinner on my birthday. Whoa, Mom, Mommy.

Listen,

since we are taking you out to dinner, you know, we planned an elaborate party

for you, will you still be expecting gifts?

No, that's fine, Connie. I still haven't used that beautiful blank check you

gave me last year.

I'll get it.

Oh, good.

Mallory, I need to talk to you for a minute.

Okay, go.

Mallory, I can't stop thinking about your friend, Amy.

You like Amy? Like her. I spent the whole day today just following her

campus. Not only did I fall in love, I found a lot of my classes.

She's coming over in a minute. You should ask her out. She's coming over

Now? I gotta go.

What's the big deal?

Well, Hillary, I can't ask a girl out on a date.

You've asked me out on lots of dates. But that's different. I know you're

say no. There's no pressure.

Sir, I can't speak.

I'll go out the back door. Skippy, sit!

Come on in.

Oh,

hi, Skippy.

I'm sorry, miss.

Amy, before we start, Skippy has something he'd like to ask you.

Amy, Skippy would like to know if you'd like to go out on a date with him.

Well, sure, I'd like that.

How about tomorrow night?

I think that'll be fine.

Tomorrow night okay with you, Skippy?

So, how long have you known Mallory?

All my life.

Oh, yeah, Mallory's been hung up on me since we were kids.

Oh, I hope I'm not barging in on her territory here.

No, no, that territory is wide open.

Have you decided yet?

Yes, I believe we have.

What is the most expensive dish on the menu?

That would be the swordfish with lemon butter, $20.

Skippy, that's too expensive.

No, no, no, no. I can handle it.

My dad said we could use his American Express.

We don't take American Express.

Skippy, it's all right. I've got some money.

Would you mind giving us a few more minutes?

Not at all, ma 'am. And may I suggest that you act as the representative from

your table for the rest of the evening?

Amy, this is not going the way I planned.

I'm embarrassing you. I'm embarrassing me.

No, you're not. Look, let's just get out of here.

Okay,

that was a little embarrassing.

I'm sure if we just sit down and calm down, that everything will be fine, Amy.

Look, I have to admit, I'm very nervous about this.

I just, I can't believe that you agreed to go out with me.

Why not?

You are sweet, and you're funny, and you're cute.

Is there someone paying you to say these things?

In that case, this is the greatest moment of my life. I wish I could be

stuff right now so it would never end.

Okay, Dad, tonight's the night.

The reservations are all set for 7 o 'clock, and Mom doesn't suspect a thing.

This is going great. She's going to have such a great time. Ah, so, Jen,

congratulations on that Nobel Prize.

Good cover, Dad.

So, you looking forward to your dinner this evening?

Oh, oh, very much.

I'm just sorry that you can't make it.

How do you think I'll feel?

I'm ready to go.

I get a call, big emergency down at the station.

Locusts.

They're all over the building.

I, uh, I think I should be down there.

You're very brave.

I'll get it.

Nice going. You're only six hours early.

Look, we're really sorry. Why don't we just leave our present and go?

The whole thing is ruined now. You might as well keep the present.

They were always our stupidest friends.

I'm sorry. You must have worked awfully hard on this party.

Oh, it's not me I'm worried about. I just feel bad for the kids.

We can pretend that nothing happened.

We, uh... We can just go through with the party. I think it'll mean a lot to

kids.

It's a fine plan, Stephen.

Excuse me.

I keep an eye on Mom, Dad. I don't think she's gonna make it to the surprise

party.

Amy, how you doing? Oh, good. How are you?

Haven't seen you in a long time. Well, you know how it is, Alex.

The old ball and chain keeps me on the run.

Is Mallory home? Mm -hmm.

She's upstairs, Amy. Thanks.

See you later, honey bear.

Sometimes she calls me honey bear.

I heard.

Well, it's nice to see you so happy, Skippy. Oh, I really am, Alex.

I'm as happy as I've ever been. Amy is the greatest girl in the world. I love

everything about her. The way she looks, the way she talks, the way she chews

her food.

I bet she chews each bite 30 or 40 times.

Don't let her go, Skippy.

But, Alex, there's a problem.

Now, everything's going great between me and Amy.

And tonight she asked me to go over to her dorm room.

Usually her roommate's there and everything's fine, but tonight we're

be alone for the first time.

Ah, I see.

I'm not an experienced guy like you, Alex.

I don't know what to do.

I'm 19 years old and I've never... You know.

Look, Skip, come on. Take it easy, all right? A lot of 19 -year -old guys have

never... You know.

It seems like I'm the only one.

Hey, look, it'll happen naturally, okay?

It's like a flower blossoms.

Like a tree sheds its leaves like a branch reaches for the sunlight.

What, it happen for you in an arboretum?

It's going to be more difficult than I thought.

Alex, you've got to help me. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to

All right, Skip, look.

You're one of my oldest and dearest friends, okay? I can share this with

Now, there is a romantic formula that's been very successful for me in the past.

Now, you can remember it very simply with one word.

Fiscal.

Fiscal?

For example, the first letter, F, stands for female.

Make sure there's one there.

What does I stand for? I is useful for beginning sentences like I love you.

I need you. I want you.

I'd like you to lock the door.

This is the kind of stuff I need.

Sensitivity.

Pretend you have some.

C is for caring.

Pretend you do.

A.

A is for Alex.

Think of me. You know, everything will be all right.

I bet L stands for love.

No, L is for lighting.

You want a warm, romantic atmosphere. I generally bring my own lighting.

What are you two talking about? Oh, nothing, nothing. Just guy talk.

What have you two been talking about?

Girl talk?

Well, everything seems to be in order.

Oh, well, we've got 6 .30 dinner reservation, so we better go. All right,

Take care.

Thank you, Dan.

He talked to you about tonight?

Yeah. Yeah, a little. What'd she talk to you about tonight?

Oh, a little.

She's nervous.

What'd you say?

Well, I just said that there are no rules or plans to loving someone, and

if two people care for and respect each other, everything will be fine.

What did you say?

Basically the same thing.

Here we are.

Feels strange being here without your roommate.

I miss Mary Beth.

Are you sure she won't be coming back tonight?

Well, she's visiting her parents in Alaska.

So she's probably sleeping there.

I think I'll go get some water and make some hot cocoa.

Okay.

I'll wait here just in case Mary Beth does decide to come back.

Okay.

The F is for female.

I got that.

I is for I love you, I need you, I'd like you to lock the door.

Wait a minute, she won't be able to get back in.

We lose our F.

Sensitive, caring, I am both of these things. A, think of Alex.

L for lighting, how romantic.

Atmosphere. No.

Okay.

Oh, yes.

Now we are prepared for an evening of romance.

And a red alert.

I guess L could also stand for lotion.

Whoa. I need all the help I can get.

Skippy, have you been developing photographs?

I just figured this would make the room a little cozier.

Are you wearing cologne?

Me? No, no. You probably put too much perfume on tonight.

I don't wear perfume.

You don't? What's that stuff over there in your dresser?

Formaldehyde.

At least I'll keep well.

Would you like to have a seat?

Okay.

You mean over there?

Or I could go over there. No, no, no, that's okay. Allow me.

So, here we are.

Just me and you.

A man and a woman.

Right.

One of each.

You know, they say these things happen naturally.

I've heard that before.

Maybe it happened already.

Maybe it did.

So, was it good for you?

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm just so nervous.

Me too.

I don't know.

Something's just not right. Something in the air.

Smoke.

Smoke, tension, whatever.

and the girls. You see, this is a surprise party for Mrs. Keith.

Somebody's coming!

Hi, somebody.

Surprise!

Hi.

All right, everybody.

It's looking good. We're just about ready for the big one.

Hi there.

You left in a hurry.

Amy, I'm sorry about tonight.

I ruined everything.

I was trying so hard just to make a nice romantic evening.

It was romantic.

It was just a little smoky.

Amy, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me.

You know, I feel more comfortable with you than with anyone else in the whole

world.

I'm sorry I was acting so crazy tonight.

It's just I've never done this kind of thing before.

I think we're both just beginners at this.

So let's not rush it.

It doesn't matter how fast we go, just as long as we go together.

You really like me.

I can't believe it. It seems so unnatural.

Well, this came off without a hitch.

Dad can really plan these things, can't he?

It's worse than mine.

Hello? I'm home!

Stephen? Stephen?

Oh, Elise.

Hey, look, everybody!

It's Elise!

Surprise!

Oh, wow.

Hi, honey.

Are you surprised?

Yeah, well, we pretty much wrote the book on surprises.

Hello, you two.

How was your night?

Oh, Alex, we had a great night.

Great, good. You guys are a great couple.

Thanks.

Thank you, Mallory, for introducing us. Oh, it's my pleasure. I mean, you are

perfect for each other.

And just remember, in a relationship, it's best not to intellectualize things

too much.

Just listen to your heart.

That's why Nick and I have such a perfect relationship.

We don't think about anything.

Like when a little problem comes up, we just pretend we're wild birds.

We follow our natural instincts.

And then something magical and wonderful happens.

You fly south for the women?

But the important things were all together on my birthday. Yeah. I love

Love you too. Happy birthday.