Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years.

And I bet we'll be together for a million more.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we kissed.

And I can't remember what I ever did before.

What would we do, baby?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

What's heaven like?

No matter what you eat, you can't gain weight.

Answer the question, Alex. Is it hard to be you? You know the answer.

Of course it's hard.

They have these great stores there, Alex. They open at 9 in the morning and

open until infinity.

And Alex?

Alex one size fits all.

Why is it so hard to be you?

You know.

Say it.

Because.

Yeah, because?

Because I'm better.

And smarter.

I'll bet Alex knows the answer.

Don't do that to me, Mrs. Leahy.

It's all so simple, Alex, and it's all so pretty.

Why do you worry so much?

Alex, tell the class what Christopher Columbus was really trying to do when he

discovered America.

Why do you set me apart from the other kids like that?

It makes me so uncomfortable.

They're all looking at me.

They're all jealous.

They don't want to play with me at recess.

It's the price you have to pay, Alex, because you're special.

But I'm just a little boy.

Class, pay attention to Alex.

God, I hate it when she did that. She'd call on me in that old maid teacher's

voice. Alex, no. Alex, no. Alex, no.

I was seven years old.

You don't put that kind of pressure on a kid that age.

I knew I had to be ready because she was counting on me, pushing me.

Alex, please tell the class.

Columbus was really trying to find a fast, direct route to the Indies, Mrs.

Leahy. He was looking for spices, but he found a new world.

It was just an accident.

It was an accident!

He should not have been in that car alone.

I should have been with him.

Maybe you would have gone more slowly.

Maybe I would have seen the other car.

It was an accident.

There aren't any accidents, Alex.

Everything happens the way it's supposed to happen. We've all been here before.

Mallory's really getting on my nerves, Dad.

I mean, why did you have to have another kid?

We were doing so well, just the three of us.

Well, when you get older, you'll appreciate her more.

Doubt it.

Come on, you want to have a little catch?

Oh, no, I don't... Dad, I'm not very good at it.

Well, you can't expect to learn it all in one day.

I learned algebra all in one day.

Well, I know.

But now you're starting school, you have to learn how to play catch.

Okay. Okay, good.

Look, I can get some tickets to the Indians game on Saturday if you want to

Ah, the Indians?

I don't like the Indians that much.

How can you not like the Indians? They're in first place.

Not financially.

In terms of cash flow, the Orioles are the team to beat this year.

The Orioles are 15 games out.

What does that have to do with anything?

Their TV revenues are up 15%.

Ticket prices up 7%. These guys are doing great.

They keep this up, they can buy the Indians.

It's a whole new perspective on our national pastime.

Oh, come on, let's have a little catch. Remember how I showed you? Now just put

your hands together.

Make a cup.

Yeah, good boy.

Oops, I'm sorry, Dad. Oh, no, no, it's okay.

You're trying. That's all that counts.

He was... He was always supportive like that.

Just do it.

Just try. Just have fun.

That's all that matters.

You have trouble with that attitude?

I don't know.

It's a little naive, isn't it?

I don't know.

There are winners and there are losers in life, and there's no getting around

that.

So, you think your father's a weak man, then?

No. But you just said... Let me finish.

Sorry.

I used to think that way.

I'm embarrassed by it now.

That I could be so blind to his strength.

He has great love, my father.

Not just for his family, but for life.

He doesn't have to make you wrong for him to be right. He doesn't have to make

you a loser to be a winner himself.

I wish I was more like my father.

Oh, Dad, another sister.

How could you do this to me?

Alex, some of these things are not controllable, you know?

I know, but you should have consulted with me first.

Alex, she's a beautiful little girl, and we love her.

You will, too.

All right.

What's this one's name?

Jennifer.

You got a minute?

Sure.

What are you reading?

Kierkegaard, internal development of man and dynamic representational

expression.

Yeah, well, that's okay for fun.

But later, try to get into something a little more serious, okay?

I promise.

Do you ever think about it, Jen?

Life, death, infinity?

Well, sometimes I do.

But sometimes I just want tickets to a Van Halen concert.

Interesting kid, Jen.

It's the only teenager I know who can combine Soren Kierkegaard and Eddie Van

Halen in her life.

It's funny to be back here in her room.

There's a certain perfumey smell.

It was her birthday.

She was two.

And I didn't know what to get her, so I got her perfume.

Because I figured, you know, girls like that.

And it was on sale.

And she spilled it all over her crib. So now whenever I smell very, very cheap

perfume, I think of Jan.

It's a strange thing about memories.

Sometimes they can be more real than what we think of as reality.

The smell of wet wool mittens on a radiator.

That is the smell of Mrs. Leahy's class in winter forever.

Hey, those are my mittens.

Are you sure? They look a little bit like mine.

Your mittens have dollar signs crocheted in the palm?

Sorry, I didn't notice that.

Hey, you're the new kid, right? Yeah, I'm Greg McCormick.

Hello, my name is Eric. I know who you are. You're Alex Keaton, the kid who

knows everything.

Who told you that? Didn't Mr. Leahy say that?

No, the other kids were saying it.

They say it's great here. All you have to do is just keep quiet. Sooner or

later, Keaton rattles off the answer.

How come you know so much?

I take some night classes.

Ohio State.

Well, I'll see you around. I'm going to go out and play for recess.

I'm sorry about the mittens.

Hey, do you want to come out and play?

Me?

Yeah, you. You know how to play, don't you?

Well, I normally stay inside at recess and help Mr. Leahy prepare tomorrow's

assignments.

Come on, there's a snowball fight going on. You know how to make a good

snowball?

No. See, you don't know everything.

Let's go.

Don't know everything. Don't know anything.

Whatever it is that I base my life upon is falling out from underneath me.

Do you believe in God, Alex?

I don't want to talk to my dad, okay?

I'm sorry.

Go on.

You know what's bothering me?

I mean, really, really bothering me? Something that I'm having a very

time getting past.

What's that?

I'm paying... you for this

i'm

paying you to sit there and listen to me i'm paying a guy from grant college

to sit and listen to my life story and give me advice grant college the school

that gives a course in opening umbrellas i got an a in that

All right, look, this is pointless. I'm not getting any answers. I'm not getting

any advice.

I'm just sitting here doing all the talking, and you're just pulling it out

me. How do you feel about that?

How do you feel about that?

I asked you first.

You're really getting on my nerves.

What is it you want, Alex?

What is it you're looking for?

I just want to feel the way I felt when I was a little boy.

That feeling of security, that feeling of safety.

Coming home to my house on a cold, rainy night, I see the light on in the

kitchen window, and I knew there was no place else I wanted to be.

The colder I got and the wetter I got, the more I enjoyed it, because I knew in

two minutes I was going to be in that kitchen.

Safe and warm.

You know Hemingway's story, A Clean, Well -Lighted Place?

I can't say I'm familiar with that, no.

That's right, I forgot you went to Grant College.

All right, okay, let me put it in terms that you can understand, okay?

You remember when Batman wanted to get away from it all? Did he go down to the

Batcave?

Uh -huh, yeah.

That was the feeling, walking into that kitchen. I mean, walking in there was

like walking into a hug.

I'll tell you a little secret.

Sometimes I'd fake a little cough, a little sneeze, a little

sniffle, just to get a little extra attention.

Hey, who did it hurt?

That's you.

That's you.

You all right, honey?

Oh, I'm fine, Bobby. I just got a little cold.

You come on in here. I got your blanket ready for you. Oh, Bobby, stop. Don't go

to all this trouble.

It's no trouble.

You just sit here.

I'm going to make you some hot chocolate.

hot chocolate.

One more sneeze, I get whipped cream.

Alex,

are you

just faking being sick again?

You're just jealous, Mal, because you can't pull it off.

See, I know how to do these things collectively.

A little cough, a little sniffle.

You come in and say, I've got malaria.

Can I have some hot chocolate?

Thank you, Bobby. I'm feeling much better now.

Would you like some cookies?

Oh, Bobby, stop it, okay?

You're spoiling me.

What kind?

I'm your mommy. I can spoil you if I like.

Chocolate chip?

Butterscotch.

Did you have a good day at kindergarten today?

I was okay.

We made pictures.

This is beautiful.

This is the nicest picture you've ever given me.

Thank you, Mommy.

I was thinking about you when I bought it.

You bought it?

Uh -huh.

Roger Zimmerman.

He's the most talented artist in our class.

Nothing's too good for my mommy.

Oh, Mommy, Bobby, Bobby, can we sing this song?

Where is Thumpkin? Where is Thumpkin? Here I am.

Here I am.

How are you this morning?

Very well, I thank you. Run and hide.

Run and hide.

Where is Thumpkin?

That was the sweetest taste of hot chocolate I ever had in my life.

I'm never going to feel that safe again.

Not protected.

Hey, Alex.

Hi, Nick.

What are you doing here?

What do you mean, what am I doing here?

These are all the people in your life, right?

I'm in your life.

Nick, I'm paying this guy by the hour.

Okay? I don't want to use up any of my time talking to you.

You think you got nothing to learn from me, Alex?

Huh? You don't think I ain't got nothing to teach you?

No, Nick.

I don't think you ain't got nothing to teach me.

Alex! What kind of grammar is that?

Sorry, Mrs. Leahy.

You're trying to make a point here.

Come on, go away, will you, okay? You're getting me into trouble. Hey, hey, hey.

You are just afraid of this side of me and you.

There is no side of you and me, Nick.

Sure there is.

Born to be wild.

Born to be wild.

Alex, can you come in?

Just studying, Mom.

Fabulous report card, Alex. Oh, thanks, Dad. Listen to what your teacher wrote

in your paper.

Alex knows more about economics than most people in America.

I'm assuming this paper deserves an A. I don't fully understand it.

We're very proud of you, son.

Very proud.

I didn't know you liked rock music, Alex.

I don't like rock music, Melanie.

I heard you playing rock music last night.

Deppenwolf and Jim Morrison and the Doors.

Greg likes Jim Morrison in the doors, not me.

Okay, don't forget to bring my homework, okay? Don't I always?

Hey, hey, hey, my dad said he might get tickets for us to the Indians game on

Sunday. Your dad is the greatest. Can he get a ticket for my brother, too?

Wait, don't go.

Huh?

Don't go.

Okay, don't walk out that door. Don't go. I gotta go. My mom made supper.

No, no, don't leave, okay? Don't leave. Just stay here in this room with me

forever. Alex, this is so sudden.

Just listen to me, okay?

Okay? Because I can't bear to see you go.

Alex, two 14 -year -old guys should be able to say goodbye without crying.

No, you're not 14.

I'm not.

No, well, you are now.

You are now.

But in a blink, you're going to be 21 like me.

You're 21.

And you're going to walk out the front door to this house, and you're going to

get killed in a car accident.

Alex, a simple have a nice day will do.

Don't go.

Don't go.

It's not fair.

It's not fair.

Craig should not be dead.

He never hurt anybody.

Why?

Why?

Don't worry about it, Alex.

Hey. I'm just a kid.

You're special.

Keep trying.

Play fair.

We're proud of you, honey.

Lie down. Take a nap.

Why are you crying, Alex? Are you going to owie?

Yeah. Yeah, sort of.

Want me to kiss it to make it better?

I sure do.

Pretty soon, okay? Pretty soon. I just have a few loose ends to tie up.

I'm going to go home and get some more chocolate.

That's me.

17 years ago.

It just makes me think how much I've been through in my life already and

what it's all meant.

I don't mean I don't want to die young.

I don't want to die middle -aged.

I don't want to die old.

I don't want to die.

Ever. Do you believe in God, Alex?

That's what this all comes down to, right?

Doesn't it?

That's what I'm trying to figure out here.

Because... Because if there is a God, then somehow this all

makes sense. I mean, there's got to be a reason.

Some master plan in which Greg's dying and my living makes sense. What do you

think?

The analytical side of me says no.

On a straight cost efficiency basis.

can't prove it there's no annual report there's no pictures of the board of

directors i mean recent ones

and and

and there's a lot of things that just cannot be accounted for

but then there are these miraculous

things

phenomena of nature like uh like mountains and oceans and

skippy getting dressed by himself and and and you gotta think that somebody's

helping out with that the answer is yes

i do believe in god

Not a mean, not a mean, angry God.

Like the God you see on TV.

You know, the preachers and always asking you to send them money.

And not a groovy God.

Like Mallory's God.

Matching sweatpants and headband.

And not a God like Brother Timothy's God either. Because I just... I can't

believe that God meant me to stay away from girls.

If he did, he wouldn't have made me so cute.

I think God is gentle.

And forgiving.

And not one special form, you know?

One day he's a dolphin.

Next day, he's trading shares on Wall Street.

It'd be funny if one day he got mixed up and went to Wall Street as a dolphin.

You surprised me, Alex. I didn't think you really would believe a bottom -line

guy like yourself.

Yeah, well, well, part of me is a little nervous about it.

I mean, I like to know what I know.

See it.

Be able to prove it on a test. To know it, to learn it, and be done. And I just

got a feeling they'd keep getting tested on this one.

So what do you do now?

Craig's dead.

And I'm alive.

And I can't change that.

But I can keep his memory alive.

I can take his sense of humor and his

energy and his warmth and I can make it my own.

I can be the best Alex Keaton that I can be. And I can use the gifts that I've

been given.

And I can take time to appreciate the beauty in this life.

And I can... I can be gentle.

And I can be...

a lot of money.

Because, well, I'm sure God wants me to.

Because if he didn't, he wouldn't have made me so smart.

I want to talk a little bit more.

Do we still have time? Yeah, sure. Sit down. All right.

Okay. I got so much in my head now, I don't know where to start.

Start from the beginning.

My name is Alex Keaton.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.