Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years.

And I bet we'll be together for a million more.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we kissed.

And I can't remember what I ever did before.

What would we do, baby, without a...

I'm almost ready. Just one more minute.

Okay?

Thank you.

I hope you're not too uncomfortable. I dressed as quickly as I could.

Oh, no.

No, no, no. Don't be silly.

An hour and a half is just fine.

Thanks for rushing.

I'm sorry, Alex. I guess I'm just a little uncomfortable dressing with a man

around. Oh, hey, I understand completely.

I'm the same way.

I'm going to need you to zip me up.

Yeah, all right.

Wait.

Close your eyes.

What do you think I am, Houdini?

Alex, I'm a little nervous. Just zip me up or you're fired. Right.

You know, this was not in the job description.

There you go.

How do I look?

You look ravishing, sir.

Thank you.

Exchanging money.

Your champagne, miss. I didn't order any champagne.

Strangers in the night.

Exchanging key bills.

Maybe it was Frank Sinatra in there.

Frank, could you come out here for a minute?

Yes, dear.

Did you order any champagne?

Oh, yeah, good. Yeah, come in, come in.

Tiff, my way of saying thanks for taking me on this little trip.

There you go, son.

Thank you, sir.

Now I can get that operation I've been needing.

Alex, that was very nice of you. It was really very sweet.

But I don't want to risk... Mixing business with pleasure.

Tell you what, first sign of pleasure, we make a run for it.

Alex, I want to be at my best to meet Mr. Okun. I mean, he's the national

director of our bank.

He's our boss.

He's a former member of the National Reserve Board. Served three terms, 1972

1978.

Very good.

Yeah, I do my homework, you know.

Mr. Okun is a silver -haired portly gentleman.

He's a graduate of the Wharton School of Business.

He's a fabulous bowler.

And he's married to a very young woman.

And very sensitive about it.

Who wouldn't be?

Tammy turned 18 March 5th.

And they just got back from their honeymoon.

Yeah, they went to Disneyland.

Oh, Alex, this would be a great night for both of us.

Here into a room full of bankers, standing around talking about interest

fluctuations in the prime, exchanging banking anecdotes.

It's the kind of evening.

Most people only dream about.

Hey, Mr. Keaton.

Hey, Skipper.

Something's different in here.

Don't tell me, but something is definitely different.

Did you get a haircut?

Skippy, we're going to re -wallpaper the kitchen.

Let me give you a hand.

Oh, thank...

Thanks, Skip, but I've got everything under control here. Oh, no, no, no, Mr.

Keaton, this is not a one -man job here. No, no, but it is a one -man ladder.

And I'd like you to get down.

Yeah, good, thanks.

Anyway... Anyway, I'm not working alone. I've got all the help I need. Yo!

What's holding you up in there?

I'm still on my coffee break.

We're back just in time. The walls are almost ready for the new paper. Now

see what you got.

If I see his pattern one more time, I'm going to cry. This is not the paper I

wanted. Mallory, I am not getting cashmere wallpaper.

All right, all right. Come on, let's get this show on the road and this paper on

the wall.

Dad, maybe you should let Nick be in charge.

Well, thanks for the vote of confidence.

Come on, Dad. Based on your past history, you're not exactly a whiz with

improvement. I beg to differ.

Come on, Dad. When you tried to put track lighting into your bedroom, you

blacked out Akron, Dayton, and Toledo.

I hate when you exaggerate.

Toledo had light.

You know, Mr.

K, this is one of my general areas of expertise.

Home decorating and lube jobs.

Oh, come on. Let me give you a hand.

All right, you want to help? Help. At least you get the glue.

Mallory, where are my scissors?

Jennifer, here, hold this paper straight. Oh, Skippy, get off my ladder.

Nick, you're using too much glue.

Skippy, get off my foot.

No,

no, no, no scissors. The ones in the garage, not those.

Honey, no! No, don't pour that here.

Wait, wait, wait, stop, please.

This isn't working out. They're, uh...

There are too many people here. No offense, but I'd appreciate it if you

left. Well, I've got a job to do, and I want to get it done. If you give me a

couple hours, I'll have this whole room wallpapered.

Good luck. Thank you.

Skippy, I want everybody out. That means you.

Well, I'd like to oblige you, Mr. Keaton, but I'm afraid that's just not

possible.

Do you mind telling me why?

I'm glued to the wall.

No, thank you.

What, you're not going to eat anything?

I can't eat. I'm too nervous. I just want everything to go right.

Whoa, whoa.

You better take it easy. That's your third one.

We've only been here 15 minutes.

Alex, when you come to these kind of things, you have to be sociable.

You have to drink a little.

You have to try and look like you're having a good time.

No, no, no, thank you.

Well, loosen up, Keaton.

You are such a tight little guy.

I mean... Look at the way you're dressed.

You are so serious.

You ought to be wearing shorts and a beanie.

All right, look.

Listen, Rebecca, why don't we go outside and get a little air, okay?

We can't go out with Miss Oaken.

Well, that's the thing. See, I... I just don't think now is the right time for

you to meet Oaken. You know, you're a little bit drunk.

I have never been drunk in my life.

You're giving off vapors that could fuel a jet.

If I were drunk, could I do this?

All right,

I apologize.

Come on, Alex, you are being such a... Party pooper.

Why don't you go and mingle?

All right, okay, just howl if you need me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I just took the last Swedish meatball.

Well, that's quite all right. I remember once at a party, I took the last M &M.

Then you know how I feel.

Yeah.

Yeah, we have a lot in common.

I guess we do. We both like eating M &Ms and meatballs.

Just not together.

Oh, listen.

Listen, why don't we, after the conference, go have a cup of coffee,

some... M &Ms, you know, a meatball or two.

Sounds delightful.

Would you mind if my husband joined us?

Your husband?

I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm sorry, I never introduced myself.

I'm Tammy Oaken.

Oaken. Uh, Tammy, as in Mr. Oaken?

As in Mr. Charles Oaken, Jr.? How did you know my husband's name?

You were born March 5th?

Yes.

How was Disneyland?

Tammy!

Oh, Charles, I was just having the nicest conversation with this man. I'm

I never caught your name.

Feejus, Walter Feejus.

Charles Oaken. Pleasure to meet you, Walter.

That's my ride. Excuse me.

Nice to meet you.

Rebecca? Listen, Rebecca, I just met Tammy and Mr. Oaken, and, well, to make

long story short, let's get the hell out of here.

Feejus?

Hi.

Is this Mrs. Feejus?

I'm Rebecca Ryan.

I am vice president of your Harding Trust branch.

I'm Charles Oaken, Jr.

Have you met my associate, Axel?

Axel P. Keaton?

Axel?

I thought your name was Walter.

And this must be the little musketeer.

Rebecca Ryan, Harding Trust.

I've heard some good things about you.

Have you heard this?

Oh!

What's happening, Chuckles? Am I getting the promotion or what?

I got that.

I certainly don't think this is the time to discuss it.

And I must say, I doubt very much whether such a time will come.

He likes me.

I can always tell when I make a good impression.

I don't think he liked you that much, though, Alex.

Yeah, well, that's because I forgot to spill my drink on him.

Well, let's go back to the party. I will fix it for you. I'll talk to Mr. Oaken.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, I wouldn't say another word to him.

We got him just where we want him.

Well, let's go back to the party anyway. We didn't get to dance. Well, that's

for the best. Believe me.

Well, let's dance here.

No, I think I'm going to sit this one out.

Where are you going, Feejus?

Well, it's been a long day, and I think we should just get some rest.

Good idea.

Come on, sit down here next to me.

Comfy?

Oh, yeah, I'm quite comfortable, Rebecca.

Oh, don't call me Rebecca.

You know what?

I think we should make up nicknames for each other.

I have always wanted a nickname.

How about Lush?

Everyone had a nickname at the prep school.

Bunky, Moony.

I always wanted Cookie.

All the cute girls were always named Cookie.

Would you call me Cookie, Alex?

I will, if you promise to go to sleep.

Right now.

Promise.

Okay. Cookie.

No. Say it in a sentence.

Go to sleep, Cookie.

Tell me about yourself, Alex.

Tell me about when you were little.

I bet you were a really cute little boy.

Well... Well, I'm... I'm not gonna lie to you.

Cookie.

I was adorable.

You're adorable now.

I don't think that's a good idea.

Rebecca, I... Cookie.

I don't think it's a good idea, Cookie.

I really like you, Alex.

Yeah, I really... I really like you, too.

I think you're a good person.

And you've got a good heart.

And you've had way too much to drink.

Good night, Cookie.

Jennifer, Andrew, everybody, could you come out for a minute?

There's something I'd like to show you.

What, honey? Oh, Stephen,

it's magnificent.

I never really liked this wallpaper, but you made it work.

This is pretty nice, Mr. K.

Maybe you'd come over to my house and do my kitchen for me. Well, I have to

admit, I'm really good with my hands.

Anyway,

there's a certain satisfaction a man gets.

Certain satisfaction a man gets from a job well done. I think I should do more

work around the house. I don't think so, Dad.

What?

That's fine.

No.

That's fine.

No problem. I fully expected that to happen.

If you're being searched, I could come back.

George, what are you doing here? Didn't I fire you?

Well, someone obviously thought you needed an interior decorator.

I was summoned by a phone call from a certain party who resides in this house.

I didn't think you could handle it.

I thought I was wrong.

Well, you're a big man to admit it, Elise.

Okay. I apologize, Mr. Keaton. It's obvious that you had an extra job.

Well, obviously you don't need me.

When you have a professional like Mr. Keaton here, I hope my other clients

find out about you.

Go ahead, George.

Do what you will.

Put up the wallpaper, change the appliances, change everything.

I give up.

Fine.

Please go out to my car and get my supplies.

Andy, keep an eye on him.

Girls!

Gee, Stephen, it could be harder than I thought to say goodbye to this old

wallpaper.

You know, I remember when we bought this.

So we first moved into the house in April 1968.

Alex was only three.

Well, I remember we left him alone with the babysitter to finish our tax

returns.

First year we weren't audited.

You remember, Elise, we were at Marshall's home furnishing store.

Dr. Sherman had asked you to call. because you'd just been in for a visit.

You went over to the phone, you talked for a little bit, you came back and

I want that wallpaper, and I'm going to have a baby.

And I remember the wallpaper salesman said, Hey, lady, we just sell wallpaper.

The baby was me, right?

Yeah. Yes, that was you.

And you know, I always thought it was appropriate that we found out about you

while we were shopping.

Look at this.

Oh, what's... It's a heart with I love Richard Beck written on it.

Yeah, I had a crush on him a couple of years ago. You wrote on the wallpaper?

Look, look, look, here's another one. I love Richard Nixon.

See, Alex did it, too.

All right, George, tell me, how much will it cost to redo this whole kitchen?

Nothing.

Nothing? Mr. Keaton.

I came here prepared to gut and remodel this entire room, but I realized that

that would be a tremendous mistake.

I have never seen a group of people so attached to their wallpaper.

And frankly, I was very moved.

George, what are you saying?

I see wallpaper!

Your wallpaper, back on the wall, where it belongs.

Good morning, honey.

It's time to wake up, Dumpling.

Go away, Alex.

Oh, come on, Cookie.

How do you know about Cookie?

I know them all.

Poochie.

Bootsy Bunny.

All your furry friends from prep school.

I don't remember this. What exactly happened last night?

Nothing that shouldn't have happened.

Nothing that wasn't going to happen sooner or later.

Nothing that wasn't inevitable.

Rebecca, after last night, I feel like I know you as I've known no woman before.

The only question now is where to spend the honeymoon.

I mean, I agree with you.

The Caribbean is nice, but so is Hawaii.

Or we could go to Disneyland.

Like the Oaken.

Oh, no.

The Oaken.

It's all starting to come back to me now.

Did I pour a drink on him, Alex?

Yes.

Did I call him Chuckle?

Yes.

Did anything happen between us?

No. Oh, what a relief.

That would have been a complete disaster. I mean, there would have been

coming back. I mean, I can deal with lots of things.

I can deal if anything ever happened between... Hey, people have lived

it, you know.

You of them even liked it.

I'm sorry, Alex. I didn't mean it that way. What I meant is what a relief that

the night is over.

Yeah, well, it's the one who has the coffee, huh?

I'm so embarrassed.

I can't believe this.

I'm not that kind of person. Oh, come on. What do you think happened?

You were, uh, getting eaten?

Didn't sleep very well. He had a few hundred glasses of champagne.

Started to look attractive.

I want you to know, when we get back to the bank, it is business as usual.

I'm the boss.

You are my assistant.

Right?

Axel?

You got it.

Cookie?

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.