All language subtitles for Family Ties s05e10 Paper Lion

I bet we've been together for a million
years.

And I bet we'll be together for a
million more.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the
night we kissed.

And I can't remember what I ever did
before.

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love
each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

Dad, can I have the keys to the car,
please? I have to go to the mall and get

Andy some new clothes.

Oh, now, wait a minute. Alex just took
Andy shopping yesterday. He's got a

wardrobe full of clothes.

Mom, what if he wants to wear something
casual?

Oh, Mallory, please.

Children's clothes are incredibly
expensive. We shop for him, then Alex

him. Shopping's over.

Andy, where'd you get that outfit?

Alex said this is what all the kids are
wearing.

This is his most casual outfit, by the
way.

Everything else can only be worn at a
coronation.

Look, Dad, we're not going to spend any
more money, okay? We're just going to

return what Alex bought and just get him
some normal kids' clothes. That's all.

All right, all right. But be back within
an hour. We're starting dinner.

Yeah, okay.

Don't forget the seatbelt. Yeah, don't
worry.

Whoa, hey, you see you got your rough
-and -tumble outfit on, huh? Want to

a little ball?

Yeah, baseball.

Don't you be afraid to slide in that
gear. That's what it's for.

Alex, there's a message here for you.
Professor Rhodes' call will be coming by

sometime today with the final data.

Whoa, this is incredible. Do you realize
what this means?

Well, it's just a wild guess, but I'd
say it means that Professor Rhodes will

coming by sometime today with the final
data.

Nice try, dear.

That's not right?

Well, it's just the tip of the iceberg.
Look, if Professor Rhodes says he's

coming by today with the final data, it
means he's made a breakthrough on our

research project.

My name is going to be on a paper with
Dr. Lloyd Rhodes, my idol, my mentor,

father of Rhodesian economics.

I wonder if his name should go first.

Congratulations, honey. I know how hard
you work on this paper. Boy, Mom, do you

know this could put me in line for the
Wilson Award for Outstanding Achievement

in Student Research?

It's the first jewel in the Triple
Crown.

Followed by the McKinley Award for grade
point average and the Adams for

neatness and appearance.

I got it, I got it. Hey, hey.

Professor Rhodes, come on in. Welcome.
Thank you. I'd like to meet my parents.

Well, Professor.

Very nice to meet you. Hi. Alex has told
us a lot about you. You have quite a

remarkable young man here.

Yeah, and Alex has told us that, too.

I really shouldn't tell you this, Alex,
but...

I think your contribution to this paper
is going to get you the Wilson Award for

Outstanding Research Achievement.

The Wilson Award, sir, thought never
entered my mind.

As emcee at awards night, you're liable
to be presenting it to yourself.

Ooh, I like that, I like that. That way
no one else's fingerprints will get on

it.

Well, Alex, here it is.

The final data.

Do you realize what I'm holding here?

Well, I've been burned on this one
before.

But I'm going to take a wild guess and
say the final data.

Nice try, Mr. Keefe.

But it's much more than that. It's the
culmination of my life's work.

It's the logical conclusion of 45 years
devoted to the field of economics.

And my name's going to be on it.

And my name is going first.

I gotta tell you, Professor Rhodes, this
is a stunning piece of work.

The concept of diminishing marginal
returns must be reassessed in light of

elasticity of consumer demand.

Given variable interest rates in the
post -Keynesian era.

I'm sorry, it is so damn beautiful.

Well, Alex, you're certainly the most...

passionate economics assistant I've ever
had.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's just that economics is my life, and
it's just so thrilling for me to be

able to work with you.

Spend time with you.

Let's keep the hugging to a minimum,
Alex. Although I can understand your

enthusiasm. I mean, you have a real
talent.

You know, you could be one of the great
economists of your generation.

Please don't hug me.

Oh, Professor Rutherford, I'd like to
meet my sisters. This is Jennifer, this

Mallory, and this is... Who is this?

What happened to you?

That isn't...

I do not want a three -year -old brother
who looks like Mad Max.

I do not want a three -year -old brother
who looks like Winston Churchill.

Mr. Ross, back me up on this. I kind of
like what he's wearing.

Where does a person like me get an
outfit like that?

At the hip toddler.

Why don't you guys be on your way, huh?

Well... Good luck with your economic
homework.

Now, this is hardly economics homework.
This will be a landmark economic

treatise. An econometric analysis of the
households in temporal allocation under

additive preferences.

Now I'm interested.

Actually, it's much more interesting
than it sounds. You see, underneath all

that jargon, there's a basic concept
that might relate to you much more

than you imagine.

Professor Rob, you have no idea who
you're dealing with here.

Let me explain. Here, sit down.

Look, say that you went to the store to
buy a particular skirt and there was a

blouse in that store that would only go
with the skirt.

This is scary.

Now say that the price of the skirt rose
dramatically and you couldn't afford it

anymore. Would you still want to buy the
blouse?

Why would I want a blouse if I had
nothing to go with it?

Exactly. Now you understand the concept
of cross -elasticity of demand.

What happened to the skirt?

That was just an example. What color was
the skirt?

It doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter?

Excuse me, sir. With all due respect,
don't know the first thing about

economics.

Don't feel bad, Professor Rhodes. You
were taking economics where no man has

gone before.

Listen, I have to run.

You've got all of the raw data here,
Alex. All you have to do is to put it

the proper subheadings, and by gosh, our
paper is ready to go.

It'll be a pleasure and an honor, sir.
Hug understood.

Hi, honey.

I can't believe the outfits they bought.

A little boy should not be sleeping in
sequined pajamas.

He looks like Liberace's son.

Those intentions were good.

Wish I could say the same thing for
their tape.

What do they expect, shopping at a store
called the Hip Toddler?

Well, it's better than where Alex took
him, the Corporate Toddler.

This is all right.

I can't believe you're still working on
that same project.

What is it, Alex?

This is crazy.

These figures don't add up. These don't
support Professor Roth's hypothesis.

Is it possible you miscalculated?

Mom, I've gone over these things a
hundred different ways. It's not going

work.

Do you realize what this means?

I'm not falling for that a third time.

It means I'm going to have to tell
Professor Rhodes that three years of

are down the drain.

That all this work was in vain.

It means I'm going to have to break his
heart.

Come in.

Professor Rhodes?

Alex. How's the final checking going?

Well, that's... That's what I wanted to
talk to you about, sir. It's done.

Well, talk to me. Don't hold back. How
did it come out?

Have any other hobbies besides
economics?

No, not at all.

You know, a nice stamp collection can
really cheer a guy up.

I could try it sometime, but in the
meanwhile, nothing is more important to

than economics and specifically this
paper of ours.

They have stamps with horsies on them
and duckies.

There's an Elvis one.

Alex, is there something wrong with our
paper?

Sir, I'm sorry. I tabulated these
figures.

They don't support our hypothesis.

The entire foundation of our theory, our
whole premise, everything we worked for

is invalid.

Stamp collection, you say?

You can bounce back from this.

I mean, think of all the famous people
who failed before they went on to glory.

Think of the Wright brothers, sir.

Do you know how many running jumps they
took before they realized they needed to

be in a vehicle to fly?

This is quite a blow.

I was hoping this paper would boost my
career.

Sir, your career doesn't need any
boosting.

You're one of the most popular
professors on this campus. You ask

economics department.

Thanks, Alex. But unfortunately, times
have changed.

It's not enough to be a popular good
teacher anymore.

Universities are looking for successful
researchers.

Publishing is the key.

It's publish or perish.

Well, it's not more important than
teaching.

If you don't mind, I'd like to be alone.

Just me and my invalid hypothesis.

I understand.

I'm only sorry that I brought your hopes
up about the Wilson Award.

Oh, come on. We care about the Wilson
Award.

I'm only concerned about you, your
position in the department.

Still completely out of the running,
huh?

I think so.

Thanks for everything. Thanks. Thank
you.

I'll see you in class.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Dean Hill, it's Lloyd Rhodes.

Great news. My paper is completed, and I
think it's a breakthrough.

Oh, yeah, it'll be ready for
presentation at the awards ceremonies.

Oh, yes, it's definitely publishable.

Yeah.

Thanks. I'll be talking to you.

Okay, how does this sound? It's my
opening remarks for tonight's awards

My fellow economist, due to a grave
error, tonight's Wilson Award will not

going to Alex B. Keaton.

I suggest everyone go home immediately.

This came for you, honey.

Yeah, the program for tonight's awards
banquet.

What should have been the biggest night
of Professor Rhodes' career.

I don't even want to look at it.

I may just catch the flu for this one.

Listen to the topics.

Labor unions in Burma.

Third world monetary spiral.

An economic analysis of the household
and temporal... Wait a minute, I know

one. This is the one about the skirt and
the blouse.

The one about the skirt and the blouse?

Well, there's a skirt in the window.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a

minute. Let me see that.

I don't believe this.

It says in here that our paper is
scheduled to be presented tonight.

Well, I thought you said that paper was
invalid.

He is invalid.

His figures have all been changed. Do
you realize what this means?

Let's just assume I don't.

It means that either this is a big
mistake or Professor Rhodes...

Gotta be a mistake.

Well, ask him what store that skirt was
in.

Come in.

You busy, sir?

No. I was just reviewing Professor
Marshall's latest book, Post -Industrial

Macroeconomics in Asia.

Have you seen the program for tonight's
dinner? Oh, yeah.

I thought they did a lovely job. I was
particularly taken by the new typeface.

You know, it says in there that we're
going to be presenting our paper

I was going to call the printers, tell
them they made a mistake.

Alex, it's not a mistake.

But there's absolutely no support for
our theory.

Our paper is completely invalid.

The numbers are all fabricated. I admit
it needs a little work.

Wait a minute.

So you can't go through with this.

It's wrong. You know, it's morally and
ethically wrong.

Alex, you know, I am under more pressure
than you can possibly imagine.

If I don't publish this paper, the
university is going to squeeze me out.

Well, don't you know your students look
up to you?

Not just for your knowledge of economics
and your ability to teach it, but for

the way you make us believe that honesty
and integrity are an economist's most

valuable tools. Alex, grow up, will you?

Don't you understand that teaching has
become a business like any other?

Publication brings prestige. It attracts
endowments. It attracts money.

No one is more interested in attracting
money than me.

I spent my whole life trying to attract
money.

I'm going to name my kids after money.

But I know that this is wrong.

Alex.

You're a young man with a young man's
ideals, and that's exactly as it should

be. I am an old man who is being pushed
out by a young breed of teacher who

would rather sit behind a word processor
than stand in front of a class.

I am a dinosaur.

And you know what happened to them.

They didn't publish any papers, and they
became extinct.

What am I supposed to do?

Am I supposed to blindly go along with
what you're doing, even though I know

that this paper is a deliberate,
calculated fraud?

You have the power to stop me.

We both know that.

I hope you won't.

I hope you'll look the other way.

And believe me, before long, this will
all be forgotten.

Not by me.

Surely the International Monetary Fund
cannot refinance this debt without

guarantees from the World Bank and
established creditors.

This is incredibly boring. All these
dull, pompous economists.

It's like being in a room full of
Alex's.

I wish I'd been smart like Mallory and
faked the flu.

Come on, let's go.

Oh, this is the greatest.

Better than last year. Some of my
favorite economists are here. Any chance

autographs?

Sure, I know. It's exciting.

All these economists all dressed up.

Talk of interest rates everywhere.

You look a little more derm -shaped like
the Treasury Department.

A magical night.

I know, I know. For some reason, I can't
seem to get in the spirit of it.

For one thing, I have to present
somebody else with the Wilson Award.

which I should obviously be presenting
to myself.

And then there's this problem with
Professor Rhodes. I mean, my idol, my

a man I've patterned my whole life
after, is going to go up there and

the audience.

And I have to introduce him. What am I
supposed to say? Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome my hero, a really big
liar, Dr.

Lloyd Rhodes.

You start off with a joke.

She's starting to wind up. I better get
up there.

And thus, the industrial nations must
establish the viability of IMF loans to

developing third world nations.

Thank you.

Each year, the Leland Economics
Department honors the most outstanding

researcher with the Theodore F. Wilson
Award.

Besides this...

handsome commemorative plaque.

This year's winner will receive a
semester's scholarship to study at the

School of Economics.

The winner of this year's Theodore F.
Wilson Award is... What do you know

that, Alex Keaton? Thank you very much.
Thank you. The winner of this year's

Wilson Award is Eve Kimball. Oh, that's
an E.

Eve Kimball.

I would just like to thank Professor
Marshall for letting me do research with

her.

Okay, that's time, Evie.

Thank you very much.

But, Alex, nobody else had a time limit.

You're right. I'm sorry, Eve. We're just
running a little behind.

Which brings me to our final
presentation of the night.

A paper to be presented by Dr. Lloyd
Rhodes.

A man that I've worked very closely with
and have gotten to know very well.

You know, I had a hard time tonight
trying to think of what to say about Dr.

Rhodes.

that would shed some light on who he is
and what he stands for.

But I know this.

When I think about what's most important
to me here at Leland, most of the time

I think of him.

And I know I share that feeling with
every student who's ever had the

and the pleasure of sitting in his
classroom.

I admire this man tremendously.

And I know when I leave Leland, I'm
going to leave with a confidence in

and a love for economics that he taught
me.

Ladies and gentlemen, Dr.

Lloyd Rhodes.

Thank you, Alex.

That was a teacher's dream come true.

You know, when I first started teaching
at Leland, things were a lot less

complicated. We didn't have all these
award ceremonies and publishing

We taught because we loved kids and we
wanted to see them grow.

Now it's different.

College isn't for students anymore. It's
for the professors.

I got caught up in the competition
myself.

I came here intending to present a paper
tonight.

Ladies and gentlemen, a paper that is a
complete fraud.

I was going to go through with it
because I felt I had to to keep my job,

prove my worth to the administration.

But in the final analysis, that's not
important.

I am a teacher.

And at a college, there's nothing more
important than that.

Someone reminded me of that tonight.

So, ladies and gentlemen, I don't have a
paper to present tonight.

But what I do have is infinitely more
important.

I have, I hope, the esteem, the respect,
the

admiration of my students. And for a
teacher, there's nothing more important

than that. Thank you.

Well, Alex, at that, no award for you
and no research

presentation for me.

Tough night, huh?

I was just proud to be your student
tonight.

Thanks, Alex. I'm proud of you.

I know. Hug understood.

Hug required.

Let's strike a nice natural pose. Oh,
just a minute.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.