Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years.

And I bet we'll be together for a million more.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we kissed.

And I can't remember what I ever did before.

What would we do, baby, without a...

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing. We can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

Excuse me. I'm here to see Mr. Heaney, Alex Keaton. I have an appointment.

Hi, I'm Rebecca Ryan.

Mr. Heaney's expecting you. He's going to be back in just a minute. Oh, well,

thank you, dear.

Our computer is down, and he went to get today's opening prices on the German

mark and the English pound.

Oh, it's 1 .5935 for the pound and the markup 3 tenths of 1 .93.

Well, I'd never leave the house without the day's exchange rate.

I feel naked.

Well, we'll certainly know who to call in the future, won't we? Oh, listen, do

you think you or one of the other girls could round me up a cup of coffee?

The other girls are busy, but I'll get it. Oh, thanks. And a little piece of

Danish.

Certainly.

You're a doll.

Good morning, Alec.

Glad you could come back. Oh, Mr.

Heaney, thank you. Pleased to be here.

Well, Alec, why be coy?

This meeting is just a formality.

We've seen your resume. We know you're brilliant.

You're obviously the best man for the job.

My sentiments exactly.

Rarely have I seen a young man with your lust for money who was not in jail.

Thank you, sir. That means a lot to me.

Here you go, Alec. Oh, thanks, hon.

Oh, I see you've met Miss Ryan.

Oh, Becky.

Yeah, Becky and I are old friends.

I think you'll enjoy working for her, too.

Working for her.

Yes. Ms. Ryan's our vice president and operations manager and the person in

charge of the internship program.

She'll be your boss.

Cream and sugar?

He's all yours, Rebecca.

Mold him in your image.

You're my boss?

Surprise.

Well, I mean, naturally, I assume that... Look, you look more like a model

a vice president.

Thank you.

Now, what I think you should start with first is familiarize yourself with our

procedure manual.

And then... What are you smiling at?

Well, you look so cute when you're giving orders.

Once you've done that, I'd like you to give me a written assessment of the

different operating procedures.

And then I'd like you to inspect our various... Am I being cute again?

Very.

Well, you'll get used to it.

Let's go.

Thank you.

They gotta be kidding.

bank job, or Richard Nixon has re -entered politics.

I got the job! Whoa!

Great,

Alex, now you can balance my checkbook.

Valerie, I'm a banker, I'm not a magician.

Well, exactly what kind of work are you going to be doing down there?

Everything, Mom, everything.

Ms. Ryan was really impressed with me. She's having me cross -trained in every

facet of the operation.

Ms. Ryan?

Yeah, my boss.

Your boss is a woman.

I know what you're thinking.

And you're wrong.

Having a woman for a boss is not going to be a problem for me.

Do you want Jennifer and me to boss you around a little to get you used to it?

I'll call you if I need you.

Come on, Alex. I don't know that's the point. I thought you'd be a little more

upset to find out your boss is a woman.

No, Mom. You do me a grave injustice.

Alex B. Keaton.

welcomes a woman as a boss.

Especially a cute little tomato like that Miss Ryan.

Come on, I've waited your whole life for this.

Make me happy.

Tell your mom it's killing you.

What?

It's gonna be a piece of cake.

Look, I'm gonna help Miss Ryan out. I'm gonna guide her through the complex

world of high finance. I mean, I'll throw in a few sensitive comments every

and then.

By the end of the week, I'm going to be running the bank. Mrs. Ryan is going to

be running the vacuum cleaner.

If that wasn't clever enough, I convinced him to convert all the

money market fund into muni bonds.

Take advantage of his income tax situation using code 253A of the New

Law.

What is going on here?

Oh, just guy talk, guy talk.

You know, banking, money, finance.

You wouldn't be interested.

Thanks for sparing me. I get so confused when you big, strong men start talking

about things with numbers.

I'm just kidding you. You know, a pretty girl like you, you should smile more.

Show some teeth.

My office, now.

Well, allow me.

You know, that's a really nice outfit you're wearing today.

Goes well with the money.

Whoa.

Alex, I just finished reading the report you wrote for me concerning our

operating procedures.

I had a little problem with it.

Oh, really?

Gee, I try not to make it too technical.

I try to keep it as simple as I could.

Let me quote you here.

See spot, visit the bank.

See spot, apply for a car loan.

Apply, Spot.

Apply.

Yeah, that's it. Where did I lose you?

I also read the report that you wrote for Mr. Heaney, which was extremely well

thought out and comprehensive.

There were some valid criticisms and some really interesting suggestions.

My report contained recipes, diet tips, and carpet swatching.

I know what makes you gals happy.

This report is incredibly patronizing and offensive.

Just who do you think you're dealing with?

It may shock you to know that I have a full grasp of the English language.

And I happen to know a lot more about banking than you do.

Well... All right, let's just see how sharp you really are. Sit.

You know what a tax -deferred account is?

Of course, it's when taxes aren't charged until the end of the term.

How about a KIO?

Yes, that's a retirement plan for self -employed persons with a minimum balance

of $500.

Kelvin bonds?

I've heard of those.

I have had it up to here with guys like you.

I am tired of coddling you refugees from the women's movement who cannot accept

the fact that women are as good as men.

Let me tell you something, son.

There's nothing you can do that I can't do better.

Oh, really?

Name it.

I could throw a football farther than you. I could play chess better than you.

could outrun you. I could outwrestle you. I can outbox you.

Oh, yeah.

I'm not afraid. Come on. Right now.

Get out those chess pieces.

I don't like your attitude, Keaton.

I want a new report from you.

And I want it to be the best report you've ever written. And I want it on my

desk by Tuesday.

Because if it's not there, pal, you're out on your ear. Got it?

Yes, ma 'am.

Miss Ryan.

Sir.

Come on, Keaton, you gotta loosen up.

Good -looking fella like you should smile more.

Show some teeth.

Hey.

Sorry I'm late.

What a day.

Full load of classes in the morning.

and then an afternoon with Rebecca the Hun.

Still not getting on any better with Ms. Ryan?

Oh, man, I'm driving me nuts.

All she does is boss me around all day.

Well, Alex, she's your boss.

What's the way she does it? She seems to be deliberately picking on me. I mean,

nothing I do is good enough for her.

I didn't think it would be possible to be unhappy in a bank, but it's happened.

Money isn't fun anymore.

Have you tried talking to her?

Oh, Mom, I tried everything.

Candy, perfume.

I even sent her flowers.

All she does is laugh at me.

Challenge me to an arm wrestle.

I love this woman.

Yo, I'm in my wit's end here. I have tried every rational approach to this

problem. Ready to try something irrational.

Now?

Well, what sign is she?

Moving along.

Alex, your problem is that you just don't listen to what women have to say.

mean, every time a woman says something, you completely ignore them.

Maybe I should talk to Dad about it.

You know the worst part, Mom?

The worst part is I really could have liked her.

I mean, under different circumstances, who knows?

But she's got this attitude problem.

It sounds like the attitude problem is yours, not hers.

I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it.

Hello.

Mrs. Ryan.

Oh, thank you.

Glad you liked it.

It means a lot for me to hear you praise my work.

I like that. Okay, I'll be right over.

Bye.

She, um, she really liked the new evaluation report I did for her.

She wants me to come down to the bank right now and discuss some of my

suggestions.

Sounds like a good chance to get on better terms.

You know, she was actually civil to me on the phone right there.

I don't know.

Maybe you guys are right.

Maybe I've been the problem all along.

He does have his moments.

This report is really first rate.

There was a lot of innovative ideas. It's clear, it's concise, it's

And only one recipe included.

Well, I didn't want you to think I'd come around completely.

Alex, I'm afraid we got off to a really rocky start.

I was hoping maybe this report could be a new beginning for us.

I'd welcome that.

Okay. Let's get to work, then.

All right, listen, before we get started...

I want to apologize for my attitude last week.

If you were in charge here, I didn't treat you with the proper respect.

I'm sorry.

I can't tell you how glad I am to hear you say that, Alex.

I accept your apology.

Thank you, Miss Ryan.

Alex, please call me Rebecca.

Ooh, I don't know if I could do that.

I mean, I'm not that bold.

It's not in my nature.

Really, please.

It's okay.

Okay, Rebecca.

I'm going to use it sparingly.

You know, Rebecca, these past few weeks, while difficult,

have been a real learning experience for me.

Rebecca.

I have never known anybody who knew as much about money as I do.

I have always been interested in money, same as you.

While the other girls were playing with dolls, I was busy trying to make gold by

melting down Barbie's hair.

Oh, um, so was your dad a banker, too?

No, actually, he was an artist.

Ooh, I'm sorry.

You know, these are the first...

personal words we've ever exchanged.

I mean, it's like the first time we've ever talked.

You know, I must confess that even when we were at odds, I couldn't help but

like you a little bit.

Yeah, I know.

It's hard to totally not like me.

I'm going to go get last week's printout.

I'm really glad we're going to get along.

This is great.

She is great.

I'm great.

We're great together.

Is it just me or is there some great going on?

You are an irresistible guy.

She's a gorgeous girl.

Does not take a mathematician to see what the fat's up to.

Face it, Keaton, she wants you.

He is being competitive to channel her desires into socially acceptable

outlooks.

Like arm wrestling.

Kickboxing.

He can't keep her hands off me.

He can't keep her feet off me.

Here we go. We should start with new accounts.

Isn't this great?

Great.

You know, there's something about a bank in the moonlight.

Here we are, locked in here alone.

All that money is right behind that door.

It's exciting, isn't it?

That was a mistake, wasn't it?

I can't believe you did that.

I thought that's what you wanted me to do.

I mean, you invite a guy to a bank at night.

I mean, what did you expect me to do? Open a savings account?

It was a business relationship, period.

Yeah, well, I don't have... Business relationships with women, okay?

It's unnatural.

Hey, Dad.

Oh, hi, Alex.

What are you doing up? Oh, I'm making some cocoa for Andy. He's having a

trouble falling asleep.

Daddy's cocoa.

Not available in any store.

I used to make it for you on those nights when you were a little upset.

Say you'd only gotten a 98 on a test or something.

You'd be up in your bed crying.

It used to calm you down.

Yeah, I remember.

Stay up all night.

Talk about politics.

Then I'd start crying.

Well, how'd things go at the bank with Miss Ryan? What happened?

I don't know, Dad. I don't know. I make one little mistake, she blows up at me.

What did you do?

Well, it started out fine.

She complimented me.

I complimented her.

Talked about our childhoods, families.

We could not have been happier.

Well, that doesn't sound like much of a mistake.

Then I kissed her.

Ooh.

Men cannot work with women, Dad.

Not with a woman at the bar.

Especially not a pretty woman.

Alex, that's ridiculous.

I mean, who started this women's movement anyway?

I mean, 30 years ago, everything was great.

Right? Men worked.

Women stayed at home.

Everyone knew who was boss. Everyone was happy.

The next thing you know, it's the 60s. You turn around, there's a women's

movement.

I was born too late, Dad. I should have been born in the 50s.

Even then, you'd be a little on the conservative side.

The 1750s.

Even then, you'd be a little on the conservative side.

Yes? Hi, I'm Rebecca Ryan.

Oh, yes, of course. Come in. It's not too late, is it? Oh, no. No, not at all.

Please, come in.

Coco?

No, thanks.

Dad, I'm waiting.

Okay, but you know the rules. Only three pitches after midnight.

Four. Four, okay.

If you follow me home to fire me, wait for the trip.

I quit.

Alex, I don't want you to quit.

Okay.

You quit.

Alex, we have a very real problem here.

Now, you are much too valuable to the bank for me to let you go.

You're also much too annoying for me to let you stay.

You see my problem.

Well, analyzing this on a cost -benefit basis, the question is this.

Am I more valuable than annoying?

I know that's a question my family has been asking.

I'm trying.

Well, what'd they come up with?

They're split.

Alex, why is it so hard for you to deal with the fact that I'm an intelligent

woman and I'm your boss?

Look, I think I'm handling it very well.

I don't know. I guess I always...

Think of women in one of three ways.

Comforting, nurturing, like my mom.

Irritating and irrational, like my sisters.

And romantic prospects, which is everybody else.

There is another category, Alex.

Oh, yeah? What's that?

Friends.

How can we be friends?

We don't really trust each other. We don't really communicate with each

We don't really understand each other.

But we have something else that is even more important than that. We have

something that transcends these common bounds and bonds us in a way that

else can.

What's that?

Money.

We both love money.

We adore money.

We can't get enough of it.

I love when the bills get old.

They're soft and crinkly.

You can make a pillow out of them.

Oh, what about new bills?

Crisp bills that don't have a fold in them yet?

Oh, there is nothing like the smell of new money.

Smell of new money on a rainy day.

Little fire going.

Love that green.

I think our relationship can be as strong as the dollar itself.

I'm really, I'm really, really sorry.

So what do we do now?

Well, what do you say we find a level of friendship that's comfortable for both

of us?

Well, are you sure that you want to work with me?

I mean, I've been this way a long time.

I'm not sure that I can change.

You'll be fine.

And we'll be friends for a really long time.

You'll see.

How do you know?

Call it boss's intuition.

So I'll see you at nine tomorrow?

Sure thing.

Boss.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.