Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years.

And I bet we'll be together for a million more.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we kissed.

And I can't remember what I ever did before.

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do?

Without us And there ain't no nothing We can't love

each other through What would we do, baby Without us

Sha -la -la -la

Permanent edition.

Because if it is, I'm getting out my bombs are people to throw pillows.

The banner's a surprise from Matt. We had this hanging in our dorm room at

Berkeley. It's a little outdated, isn't it?

Well, maybe the slogans are different now, but the concept is the same.

No, I meant the concept.

Alex, don't you ever worry about the fact that there are enough bombs in the

world to destroy every living creature and wipe out life as we know it?

Hey, I got bigger things on my mind.

Can I use the business section here, Mom?

Then we need to tell Matt he's one of the neighbor children.

It's just so predictable, that's all.

Every time one of these ex -hippies comes prancing in from yesteryear, we

get out the love beads.

Put on the ponchos.

Pretend we care about people.

I'm just a little too old for that stuff.

Alex, Matt's an old friend of mine. He's only going to be here a week. Be nice.

You've got the whole rest of the year to not care about people.

He'll probably like Matt. He's a prize -winning journalist.

He's a world traveler. He's even written two books on economics.

No kidding?

Which ones?

Capitalism Don't Make Me Laugh.

And capitalism don't make me laugh part two.

How long is that going to be there?

As long as it takes to raise the consciousness of some of the people in

house. Yeah, Mom.

Is he going to be like this the whole time his friend's here?

Probably, but if you have to talk to him, try not to say anything too

I can handle that.

I know you can.

to take you into the park. Hey, hey, hey. Don't get it back too late. A

show's on tonight.

What's his favorite show?

White Street Week.

What?

I didn't put him up to that. He came up with that on his own.

Alex, the only show he's allowed to watch on television is Sesame Street.

You're right. You're right. Andy, go ahead. Play with the other kids.

Bye -bye. Goodbye, darling. I'll tape it for you.

Stephen, my man! How you doing?

It's been too long.

You remember this lady? Of course.

I believe she would look great.

Welcome, Matt.

Welcome to our house, Matt.

I don't think you know Alex and Mallory.

Good to meet you.

Oh.

Hi.

So, uh, you, uh, you notice anything familiar in the house?

Band of bomb!

Wow! Our old banner!

Uh, maybe Matt would like to hang that in his hotel room. Uh, no thanks. I

already have one up.

You have the travel -sized banner?

You know, it's funny that you have this up tonight, Steve, because I brought a

little blast from the past, too.

The scavenger. I can't believe it.

A magazine for the discriminating revolutionary.

I don't suppose there are any good diets in there.

It was a political magazine, honey. In fact, Matt and your dad were the editors

when they were in college.

It was an awfully good magazine.

Shame it folded. Oh, it's great to see this. Alex destroyed all of our copies

when he was two. He found them politically offensive.

Hey, you have no proof that was me.

You left your rattle on the bookcase.

Could have been some other baby's rattle.

It was your Nixon rattle.

I don't think I've ever eaten a finer meal.

Look, Stephen cooked dinner tonight.

We're all going to die.

Don't worry, man. I've learned to cook since we lived together. Well, I

sincerely hope so, because the last time I ate your cooking, I was moved to go

on a 30 -day fast.

I thought you were fancying to protest the Vietnam War.

I didn't want to hurt your feelings.

Just for the record, was there anything you guys didn't protest in college?

I thought the Peace Corps was a nice idea.

Peace Corps was good.

That's it?

The music was good.

How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a

man?

Starting again.

I know this is bad. Usually the Dylan songs don't come out till the second

Alex, come quick.

Go close out 415.

Thank

you

for having him.

done with the dishes here. Is there anything else you need us to clean up?

no, no. Everything looks great. Listen, since Matt is here, it's a very special

night, so I'm going to bring out the old Berkeley slides to show.

As a treat.

It's good to see the scavenger here. I remember passing this out around campus.

Steve, do you ever, uh, do you ever miss working at the magazine?

Do I miss being an overworked, underpaid social outcast? Who wouldn't?

You know, I think it was the single most important journalistic experience of my

career. That's really surprising, coming from someone who's written for the New

York Times and the Village Voice, the Washington Post.

Yeah, but the scavenger was different. It was ours. It was mine and Stephen's.

It was so pure.

Those were special times, weren't they? Very special.

You remember how we used to dream that somehow we'd get the money together to

start the scavenger up again?

Yeah, what a fantasy that was.

Welcome to Fantasyland, guys.

It's a check for $50 ,000.

You remember Howie Wardell?

Trust fund Wardell?

Sure. His uncle finally died and he's coming to his money. He was a big fan of

the scavenger and he wants us to start it up again. You're kidding.

Just the beginning, Steve. We can do it right this time. That $50 ,000 to make

the magazine the dream we always knew it could be.

Oh, the zeros just fell off.

What kind of a magazine can we make for $5?

So what do you say? Come on, man. Are you in?

Oh, I don't know. It's a big decision.

Gavinger, how long has it been? 20 years?

Well,

there it is.

What do you think?

It's beautiful, Louise.

And so are you.

Will you go out with me Saturday night?

Dating is so reactionary, Stephen.

Sunday night?

I apologize for my co -editor, Elise. He's an old -fashioned romantic.

Oh, that's okay.

He's kind of cute.

See?

I knew it.

She likes me. Elise Donnelly likes me.

I'm the happiest guy in the world.

Stephen, when are you going to learn how to type?

I assume you're writing a paper about Martin Luther King, not Martin Luther

Kong.

Forget the typos. What did you think of the article?

I thought it was brilliant. I think it's the best thing you've written yet.

Thank you, Matt.

You know, Stephen, if we can keep this level of writing up, the scavenger will

be a major force in this country. When I think about what we're trying to do

here, it's just so overwhelming.

We're trying to stop war, poverty, injustice, oppression. We're trying to

the world.

And I asked myself, how is one little magazine going to do all of that?

And then I realized that if I tell myself I can't, I won't.

But if I tell myself I'll try, then maybe, well, just maybe I will.

That's a wonderful way to look at things, Stephen.

And that's why I'm going to ask you again.

Will you go out with me, Ali?

Let's change the world first.

Then we'll talk.

But it has to be Stephen's decision.

Honey?

I promised you I'd change the world, Elise.

I'm going to do it.

And so the little rabbit said, How come you're so big and I'm so small?

And the cow said, Because you're a rabbit and I'm a cow.

Is it safe?

What do you mean, is it safe?

I mean, are Dad and Matt here?

No. Then it's safe.

But it is not that bad.

Oh, Mom, come on. Ever since he started working with that magazine, he's become

harder and harder to live with. He's just a little more immersed in politics

than he used to be.

Well, why can't he be like other fathers and take up golf?

Andy, why are you wrapping your bread up in your napkin?

Because Daddy says Americans eat too much.

You're not going to believe where I found these.

Where? The garbage.

We're a recycling family.

No aluminum cans in the garbage.

Who's responsible for this?

Uh -oh.

I'll talk to him later.

Who's, uh...

Who's having the English muffins?

Uh -oh.

Well, I thought we'd been through this.

No English muffins while the British are occupying Northern Ireland.

Well, how are you now, Dad? When are they leaving?

I know this may seem extreme, but you must understand that all your actions,

even eating, have political repercussions.

Just wanted to have breakfast, Dad. We didn't want to hurt anybody.

I was a little over the line there, wasn't I?

No, no. If you didn't say something, I was going to.

Is this today's mail? Yeah.

Hey, hey, look at this.

Our first letter to the editor. We haven't even started publishing The

yet, and we're already causing a stir.

Let's hear it.

Dear editors, how dare you reopen with this left -wing propaganda drivel, which

was out of date and irrelevant even when first published. Why don't you grow up,

get real jobs, and leave America alone?

Signed, Alex P. Keaton. The

first issue is

key. There's going to be a lot of attention focused on it, and we have to

it count.

What do you think of organizing a demonstration to coincide with the first

of The Scavenger? That's good. That's very good. And with a little luck, if

demonstration goes smoothly, we'll all get arrested.

That's not as good.

Come on, Steven. Don't be a dick in the mud. You used to love getting arrested.

Your tastes change as you get older.

Getting arrested is way down on my list now. Right below being shipwrecked.

We've been at this a long time today. We're all a little tired. Let's just

a little break here, okay?

Great. Good idea.

Listen, Stephen, have you had a chance to look over the article I wrote yet?

Oh, just briefly. I haven't really given it a thorough read yet. Well, let me

know when you do. I'm really excited about it. Oh, I will. Thanks.

Open up, please.

It's getting you in the mood, Dad.

Cut it out, Alex.

Is this a good time to visit your office? Of course. Come in. Come in.

Dad, I know we weren't real supportive about you working on the magazine, so we

brought you an office -warming gift to make up for it. You didn't have to do

that. Hey, hey, Dad, that's for me, too.

Hope it fits.

A dictionary.

And just my size.

You said you were getting him a sweater, ma 'am.

Next time, chip in.

Oh, Cameron, I'd like you to meet my family. That's my wife, Elise, and Alex,

Mallory, Jennifer, Cameron Wallace.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Cameron Wallace?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Didn't you organize the Washington Labor Day rallies in the early 70s? That's

right. Well, it's good to know that kids today are aware of some of the things

we did for the cause back then.

Wasn't the FBI looking for you?

Oh, he really knows his stuff.

You have the right to remain silent.

Should you give up that right, anything you say can and will be held against you

in a court of law.

Alex! Is he serious?

Alex is kind of a law and order buff.

Well, you don't have to worry, Alex. All of us dangerous fugitives were pardoned

a while back. We're completely legal.

I'm keeping my eye on you, Wallace.

Don't leave town.

Mom, we have to pick up Andy.

Oh, yeah. Probably on the way here anyway. Thanks for coming, honey. Bye

Bye, Dad. See you later, Mel.

Thanks. Bye -bye.

See you later.

What are you working on here? Oh, nothing, nothing. Just an article Matt

I'm having a few problems with it.

A few problems?

You've crossed out everything but the title.

Anarchy, the sane solution.

What did he think about your article about the Democrats' chances in 88?

He, uh, felt it was too long.

Are you two all right? No, I don't know.

It's just that Matt and I were always of one mind about everything.

Now we can't seem to agree about anything.

Well, maybe it's going to take you a while to get back in sync.

Hey, Mom, come on. Stop fraternizing with the radicals.

Yeah.

Hey.

So you found a lot of typos in my article, Steve.

Oh, don't look at that, Matt. I haven't had a chance to really go over it. What

else can you do to it? Set it on fire?

You don't have to be defensive, Matt. I'm just giving you constructive

criticism. You annihilated my article, Stephen.

You didn't exactly give mine a ringing endorsement.

Let's just face it, huh? These two articles have no place in the same

Mine belongs in the scavenger. Yours belongs in good housekeeping right next

20 things to do with pineapple.

Hey, guys.

Hey, what's going on? Oh, we're just talking about Steve's article.

What'd you think of it?

I see you both have the abridged version.

It's just that it's a little reactionary.

I mean, you're suggesting that people actually go out and vote for one of the

two prevailing parties.

Now, come on, man.

The only vote that counts is a vote against the system.

I disagree. I think voting makes a real difference. It's part of our civic

responsibility. Come on, Steve. You're beginning to sound like a member of the

PTA.

I am a member of the PTA.

You know, it's hard to believe you were the guy that wrote the landmark article.

The two -party system, Tweedledum and Tweedledee. That was 20 years ago.

have changed.

Just what is it we're trying to do here?

Put out a thoughtful, intelligent magazine or get up in a soapbox and

stale rhetoric? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Stale rhetoric?

Is that what these issues seem like to you now?

Some of them, yes. They just don't ring true to me anymore. Things aren't as

black and white as they used to be. I don't understand your attitude, Stephen.

No, I don't think you do. I don't think you understand anyone's attitude but

your own. At least I have an attitude.

At least I am prepared to speak up for what I think is right. No, Matt, what

you're prepared to do is shout down anybody who disagrees with you.

I'm going to tell you one thing, and I'm not shouting out here, Stephen.

If you don't believe we should print my article...

You have no business working on this magazine.

Maybe I don't.

You've changed, man.

You have really changed.

You know, somewhere along the line, Stephen Keaton disappeared, and some

stranger took his place.

And I'm going to tell you something, man. It's a damn shame.

Because Stephen Keaton was one of the great ones.

I took seven fairy tales and a stock market lecture from Alex to get Andy to

to sleep tonight.

I'm sorry you argued with Matt.

At least have I changed.

Am I the same person I was when you first met me?

I don't know. I think your social conscience has held up pretty well.

Right. And the tax credit from Amnesty International proves it.

Well, actually, we didn't give this year. We needed the money for Andy's

preschool.

This wasn't a good time to tell me that.

Sorry. You still respect me, Elise?

Stephen! Humor me, Elise. I'm going through a personal crisis here.

Okay, I'll say one thing on that subject. I shouldn't even need to say

You do make a statement, Stephen.

You make a statement by the way you live your life.

By the way you raise your children. By choosing a job that doesn't compromise

your principles.

Those are political acts as strong as anything that you ever did back at

Berkeley.

Honey, you're just one of the most committed and caring men I know.

And you have a wonderful wife.

I already know that.

Hey. Hey, Alex.

Listen, I heard what happened, and I know how tough that must have been for

Well, thanks, Alex. I know we differ on these issues, but I appreciate your

support. Listen, Dad, over the years, you and I have searched for some

common political ground.

We searched.

And searched.

Searched.

And even though we haven't agreed on anything yet.

I really respect your ideals.

You know?

And the fact that you respect mine.

You set a good example.

I mean, who knows?

Maybe 20 years from now, I'll look back on the things that I believed in when I

was 20, and I'll think that I was... Nah.

You never know, Alan. Alex, you may feel different when you hit 40.

Oh, trust me, Dad.

I know what it's like to be 40.

Aren't you guys finished yet?

I practically had to promise the printer my first four installments. I'm not

sure how I feel about that.

I said my firstborn son, not our firstborn son.

You never give up, do you? Nope.

I have our future planned down to the smallest detail.

I even know what our son's name is going to be.

You want to hear what it is? No.

What is it?

Freedom.

Freedom P. Keaton.

I like that.

We'd have wonderful children.

They'd pick up the struggle for...

Peace and social justice where we leave off.

We'll all live in the country on a commune with all of our friends and

children and lots of animals and their children.

We'll grow our own food and we'll make our own clothes.

Live off the land.

Before we start this family, we have a magazine to get out, Keaton.

Boy, it's going to be tough getting work done around this office.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.