Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years.

And I bet we'll be together for a million more.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we did.

And I can't remember what I ever did before.

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Hey,

Jim, what do you got there?

Oh, we're cleaning up the attic. I've got to throw away all this junk.

Junk? Wait a minute. Jennifer, this isn't any old junk. This is my junk.

The junk of the gods.

Mom said everything goes.

Yeah, well, Mom said everything goes. She obviously didn't mean this.

What was Mom thinking?

I've got to tell you, Jen, there's a lot of memories in this box.

My little baby money belt.

Oh, my House Un -American Activities coloring book.

My Richard Nixon lunchbox.

I had such a happy childhood.

Real normal, too.

Oh, hey, Alex.

Hey, Skipper, how's it going?

Not good. All this graduation stuff is really getting to me. Yeah, like what?

Well, I have to pick a quote for the yearbook.

I have two here, and I can't figure out which one to use. Let me see.

Each man must pursue justice, or only through justice is he truly free, or

-dabba -doo.

Either one will work, Skipper.

Oh, she just got from the store, Mom. She'll be home any minute.

Oh, good.

Can't wait for her to see this.

Well, what do you got?

My high school graduation dress.

Thought maybe she'd want to wear it to her graduation.

Oh, that's a great idea.

I'm going to go home and see if my mom has anything for me to wear.

Please, I found some of my favorite stuff in this box marked trash. Look

you threw out by mistake.

I didn't want to throw that out. I wanted to burn it.

That's a great shirt you got there, Mr. Keaton.

You know, I've been looking for one just like that.

Wow, great dress, Mom.

It's my old graduation dress.

Thought it'd be perfect for you to wear for your graduation.

Yeah, thanks.

Hey, you're gonna look terrific in this. Yeah, I love it. It's so old, it's in

again. By the time you graduate, Mel, it'll be in yet again.

Look, we better take this stuff down to Goodwill, at least. Okay. Hey, I'll move

my bike for you.

I talk to you?

If you have to.

I got a problem and I need your advice.

What is it?

I'm in real trouble, Alex. I may not graduate.

Why not?

Well, for one thing, I'm flunking Mrs. Hellman's history class.

Oh, now, is it hopeless? I mean, are you flunking badly?

No, I'm flunking very well.

There's still hope, though I think on the last test I may have pulled a D.

you let this happen?

I don't know. It's spring and the weather's been great.

I've had a hard time concentrating.

Valerie, people don't stop thinking when the sun comes out.

Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence in July.

When all the other founding fathers were at the beach.

Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence?

Yes.

There goes my D.

I warned you about this at the beginning of the year. Mrs. Hillman is a very

tough teacher. I know. I had her.

Yeah, what did she give you?

A+. But you said I had a bad attitude.

Well, how could you be doing so badly in history?

Oh, let's face it, Alex. You got the brains, I got the looks.

Now, I get the brains and the look.

You got the better room.

Alex, what am I going to do?

I don't know. Do you want me to go and talk to Mrs. Hillman for you?

Oh, it's useless, Alex.

You know, she really has it in for me.

She calls on me to answer questions all the time when she knows I don't study.

What is she trying to prove?

I trust you all had a good weekend?

Yeah.

Yes, Walter.

This weekend I read three books on the suggested summer reading list, Mrs.

Hillman. You're a wild man, Walter.

Now, I want to remind you that the final will be an oral exam given four weeks

from today.

Now, if you'll clear your desk, take out a pencil or a pen, we're going to have

a pop quiz.

The question is in the handout.

Please... choose facts to back up your opinion on your essay you have until the

end of class begin

Quite a little shoe you've drawn there, Mallory.

But it doesn't really answer the question.

Answers it better than my answer would.

Mallory.

Mallory, I don't understand your attitude.

What do you mean?

This isn't the first little shoe I've seen on one of your tests.

And look at this paper you handed in last week on the history of New York

It is very significant that the Pilgrims bought Manhattan Island for $24 because

it established New York as a great place for bargains.

Mallory, I'm appalled.

What possessed you to write that?

I don't know what to say, Mrs. Hillman. I try. I guess I just don't understand

the material.

You don't try, Mallory.

Mrs. Hillman, I'm done with this question.

May I please write an essay on the basic land ordinance of 1785?

No.

No.

Now, the only reason why you're doing so poorly is because you refuse to apply

yourself. Now, I know you're a much more intelligent girl than you let on.

Why? Because I'm Alex's sister?

That has nothing to do with it.

You know, Mallory, I've been trying to get through to you all year, but

obviously without success.

Okay, this is what it comes down to.

If you don't get a B on the final exam, you're going to flunk.

And if that happens, you're not going to graduate.

A B?

Mrs. Hillman, I can't get a B.

Scott's supposed to go to Grand Junior College. If I don't graduate, they're

going to take me.

Can I have a makeup exam or some extra credit assignments?

I'm not going to break the rules for you.

Now, the only way you're going to pass is to sit down and start studying for

that final.

In four weeks?

You should have thought of that before.

I think you should tell them, Mel. Oh, I can't, Jennifer. If I tell them I'm not

graduating, they'll kill me.

Look, Mallory, Mom and Dad are going to be at the graduation now. If you're not

there, you're going to realize something's up.

I can't believe I'm not graduating.

You said it all along, Alex. You said I wouldn't graduate, and I'm not. Mallory,

when I said you weren't going to graduate, it wasn't a dare.

Look, Mel, I think you should tell them. And don't worry, they'll understand.

Mom and Dad can put this into perspective.

Hi, honey.

I had the dress altered for you.

So excited you're going to be wearing it to your graduation.

It really means a lot to me.

What do you think of this frame, Mel? I think your diploma will look great in

here.

It looks nice the way it is, Dad.

Do you want to try this on now?

No, Mom, there's plenty of time for that.

No, there isn't.

Mom, there's time.

Come on, Jen.

Mom, Dad, there's something I have to tell you.

This isn't easy for me, and it's not going to make you happy.

I don't like it any more than you will.

You know, I don't know why we're going to put ourselves through this.

In fact, I don't know why we're having this conversation.

I'm a little fuzzy out of myself.

Okay, I'm failing history unless I get a B on my final, which is not likely I'm

not going to graduate.

Not graduate?

Why is this the first we're hearing of this?

I didn't mention it before?

No.

I guess I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, that I'd get that diploma

somehow. Well, how did you plan on getting this diploma, Mal? By going to

mall four nights a week?

By spending all that time with Nick? By talking on the phone all hours?

Okay, that didn't work.

I'm glad you can see the humor in this, Mallory, because I can't.

What do you want me to do?

I want you to start taking things seriously. I want you to grow up.

Mom, don't yell at me. I feel bad enough already.

Well, sometimes I have to yell at you. It's the only way I can get through to

you these days. Come on, come on, come on. Getting all upset isn't going to

help, Elise.

How could you do this, Mallory?

I didn't want to.

Can't you bring the grade up at all?

I don't know. My teacher is so unfair to me.

I asked her if I could do extra credit.

She said, no, Mallory.

You have to get a B on the final or else.

There's no way I'm going to be able to do that.

There's still time.

Come on, Mom. I can't learn a year's worth of work in four weeks.

Can't you guys talk to Mrs. Hillman for me?

Well, fine. What are we going to say? That she should let you graduate even

though you haven't done the work and you don't deserve it?

Okay, but put it in your own words.

to just fine.

Don't graduate.

What do you want me to do?

Look, I think your only choice now is to sit down and study as hard as you can.

Dad, what would be the point? I'd still flunk.

I'm not smart. There's no way I can do this. You are smart, Madeline, but you

just don't apply yourself. Your teachers have always said that. Look, if you

give up on this, you're not even giving yourself a chance. Now, this time, it's

too important.

You have no choice.

Hey, how's it going?

Hey, where's Mallory? I got some things for her.

Oh, she's at the library studying.

No, no, no, I mean Mallory.

She's at the library studying, Alex.

All right, don't tell me.

Come on, Alex, give her credit. She's really been buckling down these past two

weeks. It's amazing. She hasn't gone shopping once in their time.

Yeah, we just got a letter from the Columbus Merchants Association.

Retail sales are way down.

They offered to start a high school and graduate her from it.

Hey.

Hey.

Thanks for helping me study, Nick. Oh, sure, ma 'am. I'm glad I could help.

You know, I want to see you graduate, ma 'am. I want to see your name on that

old pigskin.

You're so smart.

Hey, how's it going?

Can we help you at all?

No, I really got to do this on my own.

Oh, okay. We'll leave you alone. You just study, ma 'am.

All right. We won't get in your way. Just pretend we're not in the same room.

All right, okay, give her some air. Come on.

Come on, give her some air. These brain cells need all the oxygen they can get.

Where are we just going? Yeah, listen, before we go, Mel, I've got some, uh,

well, kind of some inspirational study aids here for you.

There, and, uh... Oh, of course.

And, uh... Oh, it's the best one, Mel. Remember when I was in that high school

play? I played Abe Lincoln.

Whenever I do a history paper, I like to wear this to get me in the mood.

What?

What's so funny?

You look like a little stove.

Thanks, Alex.

All right. Now, listen.

Just memorize the facts, okay? Don't try and learn anything. You'll just hurt

yourself.

Alex, that's a terrible face.

Alex, the facts won't help her if she doesn't know what they mean.

Mallory, she has a limited time here. It's best for her to know a lot of facts

and a few little theories. That's right, Mom. This is no time for theories.

Just remember the facts, Mallory.

Hey, hey, hey. You know, fucking out is not so bad. Come on.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Look, I appreciate your support, but I've got to get this

studying done.

I'm the one who has to be tested, so I've really got to do this on my own.

Thanks anyway.

Mallory, you are absolutely right.

Where did I put my pen?

Oh, here.

Hi, Alex.

Hi, Mel.

After two in the morning, you were asleep.

No, I wasn't.

I was just reading.

Very closely.

Yeah, well, you should go on up. You know, your exam's in the morning. You

want to get some sleep.

I know. I just want to go over this one more time.

You know, Mel, you've studied more in the last four weeks than you have in

entire life.

Now, you've got to remember, the last 18 years, you...

Brain has remained relatively unused.

Can't just throw it into action.

Might cramp up.

I know you think this is a joke, but I have been working very hard.

I know you have.

Been watching you study.

Been buckling down.

Impressed. Gonna do well in this jam tomorrow.

You really think so?

Yeah. Do you really think I'm smart?

Yeah. Smart as you.

I'd stay in the real world.

You know, Alex, over the past month, I've developed a new kind of respect for

you. I never realized how much work went into it all. You know, getting good

grades. I just figured you knew somebody.

A long time ago, I realized it.

Anything really worthwhile, like good grades or relationship or

finding a good mutual fund.

It's a lot of hard work.

And I think you realize that, too.

So whatever happens tomorrow, you have won a moral victory here.

And that should be of some comfort to you as you repeat your year.

Okay, Skippy, this is your last question.

Give me three results of the Civil War.

The Union Pacific Railroad was built.

The Southern Plantation economy was destroyed.

And Rhett and Scarlett got a divorce.

Are you sure about that last one?

Maybe they just separated.

Okay, Skippy, that's it. You can go. Oh, thank you very much, Mrs. Comer. Thank

you.

Hey, Skippy, how'd it go?

Oh, I think I got somewhere between an A and a F.

Mallory, please, sit down.

So, have you been studying?

Yes, a lot.

Good.

Well, good luck.

Thank you.

Okay, I'm going to ask you six questions.

I want you to think about what you're going to say and be brief and to the

point. You ready?

Uh -huh.

Louisiana Purchase, and how did it affect Thomas Jefferson's presidency?

Well, Thomas Jefferson wanted some land, and Napoleon had some.

So he finally bought it for $15 million, which wasn't a bad price considering it

was from France.

I thought you said you studied.

I did.

That answer was gibberish.

Now tell me the answer in clear and coherent English.

I don't know what you mean.

Well, then you're going to flunk and you won't graduate. Mrs. Hillman. When are

you going to drop this terrain and start acting like an intelligent young woman?

I'm doing the best I can.

Mallory, if this is the best you can do, then obviously I've overestimated you.

How can you say that?

I've been setting my head off for four weeks. What do you want from me? An

intelligent answer.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.

That was an intelligent answer.

It was?

Yes, it was.

You want to try another one?

Well, we're here and we have the room for another hour.

Okay. What was the primary reason for the era of good feeling during the

presidency of James Monroe?

Well, Monroe's opposing political party, the Whigs.

Was badly weakened because they didn't support the war of 1812 So Monroe was

able to get all his ideas through Congress without anyone opposing him

the real Mallory Keaton

Yeah,

go high school auditorium, you know, I got some great memories of this place

Yeah, I'm sure the police share those memories with you.

Here come the graduates.

Smile.

Yeah.

Congratulations, you two.

Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you.

Oh, go on.

Well, Mallory, we're proud of you, too.

Well,

I made it. Yeah, you worked hard and it paid off.

Yeah, well, you forced me to work hard. We didn't force you. We encouraged you

forcefully.

Excuse me a minute. I want to talk to Mrs. Hillman.

Mrs.

Hillman, hi.

Hey,

you look great in a cap and gown.

As a matter of fact, you look wonderful.

Maybe I should graduate more often.

Mrs.

Hillman, why did you do it?

Why'd you spend so much time on me?

Because I believe in you, Mallory.

You know, when I was in school, I saw so many girls like you who were smart, but

they just didn't try and acted dumb.

There was this ridiculous notion that they could get dates more easily that

Well, did they?

Well, yes, but that's not the point.

Once you're out of high school, everything changes, and being dumb

you anything.

You're a smart girl, Mallory.

I didn't want to see you waste yourself like that.

I guess it's hard for me to think of myself as smart with Alex around.

You know, I think you go out of your way just to be different from Alex.

Wouldn't you? If everyone will please be seated. Please, everyone, take your

seat. Thank you.

Parents, students, teachers, friends, welcome to graduation 86.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.