Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years.

And I bet we'll be together for a million more.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we did.

And I can't remember what I ever did before.

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

How

do

I look?

You look great.

Well, I... It's important, Mom.

You look fine, I promise.

Yeah, you look, uh... Keep in touch.

Don't take it personally, honey.

Jennifer is turning into a teenage girl.

You know, an exciting, wonderful being from another planet.

Lisa, this isn't the first time she's walked in a room and acted like I wasn't

there.

We don't seem to connect anymore. We used to have so much in common.

They don't have a lot of things in common. She's just not interested in

anymore.

All right, Mallory. I am never, ever getting in a car with you again.

All I did was tell the truth, Alex.

You did not tell the truth. I came to a complete stop, a complete and total

stop. Yeah, you stopped.

What happened?

I'll tell you what happened.

My so -called sister and I are driving downtown on South High Street, right in

front of Lazarus there.

And for some crazy reason, I don't know why, a police officer, one of Columbus'

finest and least sighted, pulls me off.

Says I did not come to a complete stop.

Officer, I said, I did come to a complete stop.

And Mallory says, don't lie, Alex.

Can you believe it? Can you possibly comprehend it? Don't lie, Alex.

I felt it was my duty as a citizen of Columbus.

You're going to be a citizen of Saturn.

I'm going to fight this.

I don't care. I'm going to see that I am vindicated.

I believe in our judicial system.

I'll bribe someone if I have to.

Does this scarf make it work?

Oh, I like it.

Mom, I think it's great.

Very nice.

Say, Jen, I was thinking maybe you and I could go over to Darby Creek Park

later, shoot some baskets.

Oh, no, I can't today, Dad. Chuck's coming over and I promised we'd spend

afternoon together.

Oh, Chuck.

Well, that's okay. I understand.

Can I talk to you? Chuck will be here any minute. Oh, sure, honey.

Thank you.

Maybe tonight we'll shoot some baskets. Or tomorrow.

And you don't have to let me know now.

Think it over.

Don't feel bad, honey. She's been looking forward to being with Chucky all

Oh, no, I don't feel bad about it. Don't be silly. If she'd rather be with a boy

her own age than with her dad, that's fine.

Seems a little unnatural to me.

Just relax, Stephen.

I'm relaxed.

What were you two whispering about?

Oh. Nothing, really.

Just that sometimes a girl feels more comfortable talking to her mom, that's

all. What were you whispering about? Please, tell me.

I don't want to tell you. Why not?

Because last time this happened, you didn't react normally.

Now, I have to know. Come on, tell me. I can't stand it. Please, tell me.

Okay.

Today, Jennifer is wearing a bra for the first time.

Why do you tell me these things?

No, Dad, listen to me. I know policemen. This guy was not going to give me that

ticket. I can feel it. I can see it in his eyes. I can see it through his

glasses. It's thick, thick glasses.

And why did he stop you in the first place?

He wanted to get to know me.

I don't know. I do know that he believed me when I said I came to a complete

stop. He believed me until Mallory said, don't lie, Alan.

Oh, and Dad, listen to this.

When he took out his notebook to write me the ticket, his pen, you're not going

to believe this, his pen is dry.

He can't write the ticket. I mean, he's laughing. He's going to let me go.

Mallory lent him her pen.

Then I helped him spell your name right.

What have you got there?

Oh, some old Father's Day cards from Jennifer when I was still her father.

I just don't get it, Lee.

Really, you know, you're acting like it's the first time one of our children

grown up.

Jen and I have always had something special. I mean, Mallory was shopping by

herself by the time she was six months old.

And Alex, well, you can only get so close to Alex in a non -financial

relationship.

Jennifer... Jennifer used to come to me.

I remember she used to call you her buddy.

Yeah, I used to call her my buddy. I'd say, hi, buddy, and she'd say, hi,

Sometimes we'd get confused. We wouldn't know it was who.

I'm being ridiculous, aren't I? No, you're not being ridiculous. You're

daddy.

Sometimes the two are identical twins.

Hi. Oh, hey, guys. How was your walk?

It was very nice, Dad.

I relate. We stopped and shot some baskets.

Really?

I hardly know this boy.

How about a snack?

Oh, no, thanks, Mom. We're going upstairs. I want to show Chucky

Well, there's nothing you can show him upstairs that you can't show him down

here.

I want to show him the upstairs.

Wait, Janet, going upstairs makes your dad uptight? What's the point? Why put

him through it?

What would you like to do, Mr. Keaton?

Well, I don't know.

could set up the ping pong table down there in the basement, play a couple of

games? Hey, that sounds good. Well, listen, ping pong's really a two -person

game, so catch you later, Chuck.

Yeah.

I'll call you back on the other phone, okay, Debbie? Bye.

Hi, Dad.

Jen, can we talk for a minute?

I've got to call Debbie right back. It's crucial.

Maybe you could wait for just a second. We, uh...

We haven't really done much talking lately.

I miss you.

I miss you too, Dad.

Can I call Daddy back now?

Let's talk.

Buddy to Buddy.

Okay.

You know, you used to call me Buddy all the time.

You never call me Buddy anymore.

Buddy's so babyish, Dad.

You didn't think that when you were three.

What are you reading there?

Seventeen. Uh, you're only thirteen. You shouldn't be reading that.

Shouldn't be reading that for another four years, gentlemen.

Well, let's see.

What have we got here? Ah, twelve ways to shape up in time for the prom. Too

late for me now.

Why don't you go call Debbie?

Hey,

Dad. Where are you off to?

Going downtown.

Take some photographs of the scene of the crime.

Gonna need some visual evidence and proof of my innocence for my day in

I like your thinking.

You know, Dad, did I tell you that after that cop gave me the ticket, Mallory

gave him a donation for the policeman's pocket?

Try to forget all that, Alex. Put your faith in the legal system.

She should be in jail then.

Mom, can you go with me to the Sunflower Girls' Troop meeting after school on

Thursday? On Thursday? Oh, honey, I can't. I've got a meeting at the office.

Kramers want me to go over the plans for their new house.

Can't you make that for another day?

Honey, I've already canceled it twice.

You know, if I don't get started on their plans for their home, they're

want to move in here with us.

All right.

All right, I'll reschedule it.

Thanks, Mom.

Sunflower Girls Tea.

Come one, come all. Come join the fun.

Tea, talk, treats.

No, Stephen, it's not for you. It's for girls.

Not so fast. It says, come one, come all.

Honey, I know how much you want a shared experience with Jennifer, but this is

not it. You won't fit in.

Oh, really?

Well, what do they do there? What's so special about the Sunflower Girls tea

that I can't be a part of it? What goes on there, Lise? What do they do?

They sing songs.

Are you implying that I can't sing songs?

What songs? What songs do they sing?

I got a mule and her name is Sal.

I got a mule and her name is Sal.

Fifteen miles on the Erie Canal. What else do they do?

They talk about things.

What kind of things?

Well, things.

things that go on in their life.

Girls talk and then they eat cookies.

Are you implying that I can't? It's a girls club.

It's not for you.

You'll be putting yourself in a place where you have no place.

What place do I have in her life now? At least I'm the invisible man.

At least this gives me a shot. This gives me an identity.

I'm a sunflower girl.

I don't want Dad to take me. I just don't want him to.

Come on, Jen, keep it down. You don't want Dad to hear, do you? Maybe I do.

You gotta let him go, Jen. That's part of growing up female in the South.

He came to Sunflower Girls with you, too?

No, he came on a date with me.

I was 13 and a half, and Brian Madigan took me to the movies.

Brian sat on one side of me, and, well, Dad sat on the other.

When Brian put his arm around me, Dad put his arm around me, too.

And, uh, well, they shook hands.

Morning, everybody.

Is that Mallory?

Where are you going?

I'm going down to traffic court.

Good luck.

Wouldn't need luck if it weren't for you, Mal.

You would not be going to court, Alex, if you had just allowed me to keep

driving. Is that it, Mallory?

That is it. That's it, isn't it? That's right.

It's a reason.

that i wouldn't let you drive anymore is that my life was in sudden and

immediate peril i mean you're driving and people are leaping off the

street into the bushes you drive like you're playing tag

don't lie alex no

no violence has no place here

I have put my faith in our system of jurisprudence, and it shall vindicate

I have photographs of the intersection, of the stop sign, and I have photographs

of you.

As well as a report card and a recent IQ

test.

I think the judge will understand.

No, he won't.

Because I'm going to call him up and tell him you're lying.

Hey, I'm ready for the meeting, buddy.

Great, Dad.

And I've been practicing the sunflower salute.

Dad, I told you...

Dad, I told you, we don't do that salute anymore.

It's in the handbook, Jennifer.

We just shake hands now.

Okay.

Look, I'll be back downstairs in about 15 minutes to take you to the meeting.

That's fine, Dad, but just don't do this... Sunflower goodbye?

I think Dad needs to be watered.

I'm in big trouble here, Alex. Help me out.

Well, I can tell you what I'd do if I were you. What?

Well, Dad wants to spend time with you, right?

Right.

And time is money, right?

Right. So if Dad wants to spend time with you and time is money, then he'll

spend money to be with you.

See? So what you do is you charge him by the hour.

Five bucks for a walk in the park.

Eight bucks for a game of basketball.

No, and be a sport. Give him half off on Father's Day.

That's a beautiful thought, Alex.

But no thanks.

You do what you want, buddy.

I'm going to go down to court.

Well,

what do you say, Dad? Do you want to go now?

We've been here three minutes, Jennifer.

All right, that was very nice singing, girls. And now on to the new business.

I would like to welcome all the moms and the dad.

Mr. Keaton, nice that you could come, sir.

Thank you, Mr. Carpenter. I feel very much at home.

In fact, I'd like to give you all a warm sunflower... Well,

now it's time for the round table. Oh, what's that?

Well, once a month we discuss some topic of interest to the sunflower girls. Oh,

great. I'm already camping, boating, hiking. Today we're going to talk about

sex. I'm your guy.

Did you say sex?

Mm -hmm.

Dad, maybe you should go, really.

Since Jennifer, I'm a sunflower dad.

I think I can handle a mature discussion about what she said.

Now, we're going to discuss our bodies as they blossom into womanhood and about

boys and their bodies as they burst into manhood.

Some of you have already gone out on dates with boys, and I want to talk

first experiences.

And I want the younger girls to benefit from you older girls. So we're going to

go around the room, starting with you, Shelly.

Well, on my first date, I went out with a guy in my class. I'm not going to name

names. Was it Larry Barker?

That's right.

Anyway, I went out with Larry, and all he wanted to do was fool around.

What do you mean by fool around?

I mean, he wanted to touch my body as it blossomed into womanhood.

Boys are only interested in one thing.

Sex. Right, Mr. Keaton?

Well, uh, what's your name? Alice. Well, Alice, some boys are very interested in

sex. For you?

Well, when I was a boy, I was interested in a lot of things. Was sex one of

them?

Well, I was interested in baseball, basketball, football.

You're not answering the question.

Get off my back, will you?

I don't want to lie to you, Alice.

I admit, there were some girls.

I remember Marjorie McCracken. Boy, she had a body on her.

Dad, I can't believe you're talking about this stuff.

What can I do? She was hounding me.

Dad, you're really embarrassing me. This is not the place for you to be. Why do

you say that? Look around you, Dad. Do you see anyone out here who shaves?

Jennifer, I just wanted to spend some time with you. I'm sorry, Dad, but this

isn't the right place.

If you don't leave, I will.

Would anyone like to know how he did in court today?

Well, let's see.

Not good?

I won.

Judge loved me.

Commended me on my thoroughness.

Commiserated with me about Mallory.

He has a sister.

Not quite as aggravating, but close.

Anyway, I wanted to throw up the ticket.

That's not good news?

When I went out to the car, I found a parking ticket.

When I went inside to complain, I got a jaywalking ticket.

Don't you just love justice?

It's so fair.

It wasn't a good idea.

Tried to stop me, but I wouldn't listen.

I was wrong.

Wrong again.

I'm always wrong.

Want to tell me what happened? Maybe in a couple of years.

It was really something.

I was talking about my sex life to the sunflower girl.

Sorry, I missed that.

Jennifer was so embarrassed, you must think I'm the most ridiculous excuse for

father in the world.

Do you know what Mark Twain said?

Was he a sunflower dad?

No.

He said that when he was 14, his father was so ignorant he couldn't stand to

have him around.

But by the time he turned 21, he was astonished at how much the old man had

learned in just seven years.

She'll come back to you, Stephen. It may take seven years, but she'll come back.

I

heard it

didn't go so well.

But to say that most of the sunflower girls are still in shock.

Honey, he only went because he cares so much about you.

That's hard to believe.

Well, it's true.

And the day will come when you'll look back on this fondly and you'll realize

what a wonderful father you have.

I guess you don't want to see the sunflower salute, huh?

Not at the moment, no.

I made a mistake, Jen. I tried to force myself in somewhere where I...

I didn't belong.

But I only did it because I missed you.

I... I missed talking to you, walking to the park with you, throwing the ball

back and forth.

You mean if I would have gone to the park with you, none of this would have

happened? Well, it's not as simple as that, Jim.

You know, when you were born, when I picked you up for the first time and our

eyes met, right then I signed on for life.

I knew that I would... I would care for you, protect you, teach you.

Love you.

And you've done all those things.

All of a sudden, it seemed like you didn't need me anymore. You didn't want

be with me.

Now it hurts.

I didn't mean to hurt you, Dad.

It's just that I've changed. I can't help it.

Look at me, Dad.

I'm 13 years old now.

I'm not a little girl anymore.

I know that. I'm just trying to find ways that I can still fit into your

Well, it's not as a sunflower girl.

I learned that the hard way.

This is a hard time for me. So much is changing at school and with my friends.

It's just so hard to keep up with everything.

I only wish I was able to help you through this.

I think the easiest thing for you to do is not push too hard.

Not a little girl anymore.

I guess I'd better get used to that, huh?

You've got no choice.

I can't help it. I just keep growing.

I'm really going to miss the old times.

It's not going to be like that anymore, huh?

Maybe it'll be better, buddy.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.