Original subtitles

Three o 'clock in the morning.

I can't believe this is happening again.

Why can't I sleep?

It's dark.

I'm tired.

I'm in bed.

I've slept successfully in the past.

Maybe these pajamas are defective.

It's ridiculous.

I've slept a total of a minute and a half in the last six nights.

I've got midterms coming up. I've got papers to write.

I've got a million things to do.

If I don't get to sleep soon, I'm going to be awake.

All right, okay.

Don't panic.

I can still get four hours if I fall asleep right now.

Go.

Okay.

So far, so good.

I'm falling asleep.

Here I go.

I'm on my way.

Drifting.

Drifting.

I'm gone.

Now.

I'm back.

I bet we've been together for a million years.

And I bet we'll be together for a million more.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we hid.

And I can't remember what I ever did before.

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing.

We can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Sha -la -la -la.

Okay, if you just hand me that screwdriver, Jen, we'll have the smoke

in no time.

No, no, not the Phillips. I want the flathead.

Trust me, Dad, you want the Phillips.

You're right.

Okay, it's all set to go. Why don't we test it out?

Well, you can match it.

Nice work, Dad.

Whoa. Burglar alarm.

That was a tough to install.

I'm impressed.

It's not a burglar alarm. It's a smoke alarm.

Oh. Nice work, Dad.

Maybe it needs a minor adjustment.

Right back.

Excuse me.

You're home late, aren't you?

Yeah, I was at the library studying.

You know, I got a B - on my anthropology test.

Don't feel so bad, Alex. I got a B - on a test last week.

Oh, okay. I feel better now.

You look awfully tired, honey. Why don't you go on up to bed?

What are you implying, Mom?

That I'm afraid to go to bed?

That I'm afraid that I won't be able to sleep?

That I'll stare at the walls all night?

Awake?

Desperate and alone?

Is that what you're implying?

No.

Does anybody else think that?

Because if you do, why don't you just come out and say it and stop snickering

behind my back?

What's he talking about?

You know, you all look tired.

Why don't you all go to sleep?

See how that feels? How do you like it?

Well, actually, going to sleep isn't a bad idea. I'm exhausted.

Good night, Mom. Yeah, me too. Good night, Mom.

Show -offs.

Okay, all fixed. Should be working like a charm now.

Boy, I'm bushed.

I can't wait to get to bed. I'll probably be asleep before my head hits

pillow.

Sure.

Rub my nose in it.

Are you ready, Elise?

Yeah.

Wait, wait, wait a minute. You guys want to bed?

Now? Together?

I'm sorry if that shocks you, Elise.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Really.

Go to sleep.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm positive.

Good night.

Love you.

Good night.

Wow.

Here I am again.

Alone for another sleepless night.

Hey, I don't care.

And I enjoy having these hours to myself.

Yeah, I kind of love being alone.

Skippy.

Sorry to bother you so late, Alex.

I just want to borrow a dictionary. Oh, hey, well... Gee, the dictionary's

upstairs, but maybe I can help you. I know a lot of words.

Well, today in biology class, Lauren Harris told me I reminded her of a

mandrill.

What is that?

Well, Skip, a mandrill is a large, fierce, foul

-smelling baboon of West Africa.

Do you think I should ask her out?

Go for it, you big ape.

Skippy, why don't you sit down for a minute, okay?

I want to ask you something.

How do you sleep at night?

Well, after my mom straps me in, usually you just drift right

off. I wish I had a ritual like that. You know, I haven't slept in eight

Well, congratulations.

How many are you going for?

No, Skip, I want to sleep. I just can't.

I don't know. I completely psyched myself out. I just lie in bed,

feeling completely alone.

Would you like me to sleep with you tonight, Alex?

What was that, Skip?

Maybe it'll help to relax you to have somebody else there in the room.

I'll sleep on the floor.

Not sleeping.

I'm exhausted.

I'm in bed.

And I'm not sleeping.

And I have Skippy in my room.

This is worse than last night.

All right.

Okay. Just don't get upset.

Stay calm.

Try counting money.

100 million.

200 million.

300 million.

Tax exempt.

I'm getting too excited here.

All right. All right. Okay.

You guys should just walk around them.

This is WADW.

I'm Sonny Anderson, and you're listening to The Night Owl Show.

It's 324, and now here's Buddy Budson doing Alone in Blue.

Hey, don't I know it, buddy.

I couldn't sleep.

I heard a smoke alarm.

Wow, that was the radio.

They were playing smoke gets in your smoke alarm.

I don't know, Dad. I mean, the thing just went off. I was getting some food

of the refrigerator and it went off.

It must be the smoked salmon.

What's all the noise down here? I heard the smoke alarm.

If there's not a fire, I'm going to be really mad.

by mistake. I'm sorry.

Hey.

Skippy, what are you doing here?

Trying to help Alex sleep.

Skippy.

Did you know he hasn't slept in over eight nights?

Skippy.

Alex, is it true you're having trouble sleeping?

No, no. It's a rumor.

Alex.

Why didn't you tell us you were having this problem?

Because it is not a problem.

How come you're having trouble sleeping? What is this, a not -sleeping witch

hunt?

Why don't you just tie me up to a stake and burn me?

As long as we're up.

All right, okay, look, I'm sorry I woke you all, okay? And if you don't mind,

I'm tired and I'm going back to sleep.

So, Mallory, you been having any trouble sleeping?

This is ridiculous. We're all exhausted because of Alex.

Yeah, we finally get the baby to sleep through the night, and now Alex won't.

Come on, we have to be patient. Alex has a problem.

I was patient at first, but Alex has kept us awake for a week.

It's like being in a family of owls.

Oh, yeah? Then why'd you ask me to go skiing with you at two in the morning?

I have no memory of that.

Alex, sit down for a second.

Sure, Mom.

What's up?

You are.

Every night.

Alex, you're not sleeping.

It's got to be bothering you. I know what's bothering us.

What do you mean?

Well, for example, what happened last night?

Oh, look, I'm sorry about that, okay? I tried to do it as quietly as I could.

Alex, you crawled into bed with us.

Did that bother you?

Look, I'm sorry, okay?

I've got a little problem, but it's under control.

I can handle it.

You know, Alex, I had a friend who had trouble sleeping, and she went to a

therapy group for people with sleep disorders.

Mallory, I'm sure your friends have a lot of disorders, but I prefer not to be

lumped together with that group of misfits.

Alex, you have to get some kind of help or a hotel room.

We just wanted to wish you good luck on getting to sleep tonight.

Thanks. I'll be fine.

I hope so, Alex, because you're really starting to fall apart.

Mallory, let's be kind to Alex. I read somewhere if you don't get enough sleep,

your brain cells start to die.

Jennifer.

One by one.

Will you knock it off?

Sorry, Alex. Look, because I've fallen asleep tonight, really.

And that's another thing.

Don't wish me good luck falling asleep, okay?

It only gets me worried about it.

Don't even mention sleep.

Hey, kids.

Good luck falling asleep, honey. He doesn't want anyone to mention sleep.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, I brought you some warm milk.

For no particular reason.

Thanks, Mom.

You know, I always thought that was to throw a wives' tale.

Well, your mother is an old wife.

Seriously, though.

Milk contains tryptophan, a chemical that promotes sleep. And just to ensure

good night's sleep, we picked up this little item.

What do you think?

No use, Dad. I know it's you.

This is Sylvester.

He used to be my favorite doll.

We've grown apart.

He's been looking for a companion lately.

Thanks, Hugh.

Alex, here's my geometry book.

Just read it and you'll fall fast asleep.

Thank you, guys.

Good luck, Alex.

May sleep be with you.

I'm not sleeping yet.

Okay, no more fooling around here.

This time, I'm going to sleep.

This time, I mean business.

Yeah.

That's it.

That's beautiful.

Boy, nothing like sleep.

It's the greatest.

How would I know?

I can't take it anymore.

I gotta get out of here.

You don't believe me.

I've forgotten how to sleep.

What's that?

I'm gonna forget how to breathe?

How to eat?

How to walk?

How to calculate civil interest?

What has become of me?

Hi.

Everything's fine.

This sleeping is going A -okay.

Can you see him trying to sleep?

Alex, I hate seeing you like this.

Remember how much I used to love going to sleep when I was a kid?

Sure. I used to read you The Three Little Pigs.

Before I got to page five, you were out.

Yeah, well, those days are gone.

Everything's more complicated now.

You know, I get into this bed at night, and a million different things rush

through my mind.

I mean, I worry about me and Ellen.

And I worry about my classes and my tech, my future,

about my path, about my present.

And I worry about my future again.

And I worry about Ellen again. And then I worry about Ellen's future.

Everything just gets so crazy.

Guess I'm crazy, huh?

No, no, you're not crazy, honey.

You're just not a little boy anymore, you know? You're an adult.

There are a lot of things going on in your life, and that's bound to create

anxiety.

What if that anxiety keeps me up for the rest of my life? I mean, what if I

never get to sleep?

Stop worrying about sleeping.

You know, when your body needs it, it'll go to sleep.

In the meantime, just enjoy the night, you know?

Read a good book. Look at the stars.

Talk to your picture of Nixon.

He doesn't look like he slept much either.

I'll try that.

I guess what I'm trying to say, honey, is just try and relax, you know?

Use the time.

That's what I try to do.

You've had insomnia?

From time to time.

Really?

I always figured you were the out like a light type.

No.

That's your dad.

In fact, I remember one night he fell asleep before he even got to bed.

I found him. He was asleep in the sink with a toothbrush sticking out of his

mouth.

I guess what I'm trying to say, honey, is that an occasional sleepless night

goes with the territory of being Alex Keaton.

Despite the worries and then the anxieties, I think you enjoy being Alex

Thanks, Mom.

You.

Wait.

I was wondering if you'd mind.

Not telling me the three little pigs story.

Just for old time's sake.

Pick it up midway through the action.

Okay.

Well, these pigs built three different kinds of houses.

One house was made out of straw.

And the third house was made out of... Wood.

Wood. And the third house was made out... Aluminum siding.

That's good enough.

And then the wolf came along, and he wanted to blow down the pigs' houses, so

said, I'll fuss, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house

down.

Well, the pigs got very scared, so the first... pig said to the other two pigs

no no wait a minute i actually it was the second pig said the first and third

pig oh which pig wasn't it do you remember which

one

I was up anyway.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.