Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years.

And I bet we'll be together for a million more.

Oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we kissed.

And I can't remember what I ever did before.

What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby, without us?

And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through.

What would we do, baby, without us?

Okay, kids, I've got to get going. Say goodbye to the old man. Okay, Dad,

listen, have a safe trip, okay? And give our love to Mom. Yeah, and Grandma,

too. Daddy, do you really have to go?

Well, it's just for a few days, Jim.

Yeah, even so, Dad. I mean, it's just not the same without you guys around

Yeah, we really miss you when you're not here. Yeah, we love you. Thank you,

kids. That's very sweet.

Where's my suitcase?

Oh, it's in the car. The motor's running.

Yeah, thanks a lot.

Look, Grandma and I, or your mother and I will be back on Sunday.

Grandma's number is on the kitchen counter. Alex, I'm leaving you in

Dad, don't worry. I'll rule with a firm but loving hand. Okay.

Listen, have fun. If you need anything, give us a call. Sure.

Bye. Bye.

Bye -bye.

Well, y 'all heard Dad.

I'm in charge.

Monica Dillon is going to be here in an hour. And the two of you, Don't fit into

our plans.

Well, where are we supposed to go?

Go to the mall. I can go anywhere.

But Mallory's not allowed to use the car, Alex, remember?

She's being punished for using it when she wasn't supposed to last week.

I'm in charge, and your punishment's suspended.

Thanks.

Jennifer, you go with her, okay? But I don't want to go to the mall.

Go to the moon.

I don't care.

Just don't be here when Monica gets here.

Look, I can take you to Chrissy's house, Jen. I'm not allowed to go over to

Chrissy's house. I'm being punished for goofing off with her at school.

Your punishment's suspended, too.

You know, Alex, I like having you in charge.

Yeah, me too.

Thanks. Now, get lost.

Try and be back for school on Monday.

Oh, hiya. Hey, Skip. Listen, guy, I... I don't think this is a good time for one

of our little chats, okay?

Is Monica Dillon coming over?

You got it. Okay.

Hey, I gotta speak to Mallory before I go. I got us a couple of tickets to the

NCAA chess semifinals.

I want to invite her.

Well, Skip, she just left. Although, if you hurry, you may be able to catch her.

You know, it usually takes her 20 minutes to back out of the driveway.

Oh, uh, hey, Mallory!

It's me!

It's Skippy!

Do you want to go?

I think she's considering it.

Um, you know that telephone pole out there?

Yeah.

It smashed into our car.

I'll check for damage.

Oh, the car.

Oh, the car. Dad's car. Mallory, how could you do that?

You're no... You're not supposed to be driving.

You're being punished.

What are we going to do, Alex? We have to get that fixed before Dad gets back.

How are we going to pay for that? I don't know. I don't know. There's got to

$300 damage to that car.

I don't know where we're going to come up with that kind of money.

Good news.

The telephone pole's okay.

We've got a little problem here.

Maybe you could come back another time.

Well, I don't know where I'm gonna go. I can't go home.

Why not?

It's jammed with people. My whole family's here for the big Leland

game. They're making me sleep in the garage.

You guys don't want to rent me a room, huh?

Not while I'm alive.

Skippy, why aren't your relatives staying in a hotel?

Because there isn't one available room between here and the state line.

Yes, there is.

Alex, no.

If there really is a shortage of rooms, it seems to me that somebody who had a

room to rent out this weekend could really make a killing.

Or at least enough to buy a new fender, if you get my drift.

Alex, no.

Oh, Alex has a point. There's a lot of money to be made.

My dad's charging his cousins $45 a night.

But, Alex, it's wrong.

Of course it's wrong, Mallory.

75 a night is right.

Come on, Alex, it's wrong, and I'm telling you, you can't do it. I mean,

Mom and Dad find out?

What if Mom and Dad see the piece of modern art you turned their car into?

Do it.

Okay, the ad is in the paper. What's her state of readiness, Skipper? All

systems are go, Chief. The baby's room is in a state of racial preparedness.

This feels weird to me, running out of room in our own house.

Well, Jen, don't think of it as renting.

All we're doing is letting strangers use a room in our home.

For money.

You know what I think?

Don't ask the impossible, Mallory.

Alex, I think that Mom and Dad would not approve of this.

Oh, come on, Mallory. You underestimate our parents.

They are thoughtful, generous people.

And I think they'd be thrilled to know we were using their home to shelter

travelers.

You mean we're going to tell them?

What, are you crazy?

Hi, we've come about the room.

Come right in, come right in.

Pleased to meet you, Jack Driscoll, Leland 81, and this is my wife, Darlene.

Leland 82.

Pleased to meet you, Alex B. Keaton, Leland 88.

And this is Skippy Hanneman, Harding High 86.

And this is Mr. Mallory, Harding High 86.

God willing.

And my little sister Jennifer, Randolph Elementary, 88.

What a bunch of smarties we are.

We were so happy to see your ad. You know, you can't get a room in this

town. Do tell.

Well, I'll get that.

Skippy, why don't you show the Driscolls the room? Happy to, Alex. Right this

way, Mr. and Mrs. Driscoll.

And may I say that I hope your stay here is a pleasant one.

If you stay.

Don't tell me it's rented or I'll kill myself right on the doorstep.

Well, no, it's not rented yet, although there's a couple looking at it right

now. Fine, we'll take it.

But you haven't even seen the room.

We'll take it.

Are we there yet, Mommy?

Yes, sweetheart, we're here. These nice people are going to let us stay with

them.

This is it, Mom.

This is where we're gonna stay.

Yes, Dougie, this is it. I don't like the lobby.

Well, the room's perfect. We'll take it. I love the bassinet. Great.

Well, we aim to please.

I believe the ad said 75 a night. Right. Wait a minute. We want that room. I'll

give you 80.

80?

80? Fine.

Sorry, sir, that's not the way I do business.

Now, you offend me.

The Driscolls were here first, and they should get the room.

Make it 90. I'm not as offended anymore.

Do something, Jack. I'm not going to sleep in the car again. We slept in the

last year for homecoming. I still have ashtray marks on my neck.

95. 96.

97. 98.

98. 50. 95.

I mean, there's lots of rooms in this place. Please, look, there's only one

for rent. The others are occupied.

Little girl, do you have a room?

Yes. I'll give you a hundred bucks for it. You got it.

I have a room.

All the guests asleep?

Yeah, I just tucked in the Driscoll family.

This is fantastic.

I never had so much fun in my life.

Why don't we do this more often?

Alex, does he have to sleep in here? Mallory, look, he's an employee of

Manor.

He's entitled to sleep in the living room with the rest of us.

Ah, whose sleeping bag is that?

Mine. Ah, looks comfy.

You're a real gentleman, Alex.

Jennifer, he's the boss.

It's important that he's well -rested.

You know, Alex, I really didn't think this was going to work out, but so far

it's been okay.

Okay? Jennifer, I think it's a little better than okay.

The car is being fixed.

We have enough money to pay for it, and we've got a little money left over for

ourselves.

How much left over?

Don't you worry your pretty little head about it, Mallory.

Let Alex handle all the big old nasty financial details.

I want some

French toast.

The kitchen is closed.

Well, open it. I want some French toast.

You can have some French toast for breakfast.

I want it now.

Douglas Barker, you get up these stairs this instant. You have had enough to eat

tonight. I did not. I still have space.

Dougie!

Now, dear.

Okay. But there better be French toast here in the morning.

We've come about the room.

Alex, no.

We'd like one with an ocean view, please.

We're all booked up, Alex.

Yeah, like she said, we are completely booked. In fact, we're overbooked. I

mean, I couldn't rent you a room, you know, even if I had one. We're desperate

and we're wealthy.

That's my favorite combination.

Welcome to King Manor. Thank you. Whoa, hey, wait a minute.

Hold on.

Hang on.

Let's get the sheets from all the beds. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got everyone.

Some of the guests didn't want to get out of bed, but I made them.

Good boy.

Can I help you?

Yeah, can I get a massage?

I'm sorry, but the spa is closed.

I want a massage.

I'm sorry, but the... I want a massage!

All right, okay, come here.

There you go, get out of here.

That's a lot better.

Thanks. Get yourself a little something.

room service over two hours ago. Right, sir. Sir, you are... The Barkers, room

201.

Yes, sir.

We'll get that up there right away.

Don't forget, I want the crust cut off the toast.

Right, well, that's what's taking so long.

Oh, well, sir.

Front! Front!

What is it now, Al? Alex, what is the problem with the Barker's totals?

Alex, forget it, okay? I'm tired of making sandwiches. I'm tired of doing

people's laundry. I'm tired of making their little beds.

Now, we have enough money for the car. Let's just send everyone home and close

up.

How can you say that?

You know, we hotel operators have a certain code of ethics.

You know, you can't just throw people out into the street.

Alex, that's...

Take that shower today.

I just locked the door. There's no more bathroom for these people.

No more bathroom for these people?

That's hardly a motto for a hotel, Jennifer.

This is not a hotel, Alex. This is a house.

I'm with you, Jennifer.

Okay, look, listen to me.

Let's just get these people off to the game, okay? Then we can sit in peace and

we can talk about this.

Okay, all right.

All right.

Okay, attention, attention, please. This is the bus that will take you to the

game. Now, if you'll form an orderly line... My

feet

are killing me.

Your feet, my back, and my neck.

Right now, let's just relax and enjoy the peace.

more guests, please, Alex?

Hello, Keaton Manor.

Dad.

I meant in a manner of speaking.

Hello.

Keaton.

You're where?

You're what? You're coming home now?

No, no, no, no, no, no. No, I'm fine.

No, I'm just excited.

Yeah, we're all excited.

Boy, this is exciting.

Okay, Dad.

We'll see you soon.

What? Alex's dad's coming home?

Yeah, he had to cut his trip short to some kind of strike at the station.

Anyway, he's going to be here in a couple of hours.

Oh, that's good.

We could use an extra hand around here.

Oh, come on, Skip. Is that all you can carry?

How'd you get the bags packed so fast?

Well, I took the clothes out of the drawers and stuffed them into the

How'd you know which clothes went in which bags?

Was that important?

Look, we can't worry about that now. We gotta get the rest of these bags packed

and get these people out of here as fast as we can.

We won!

Oh, great!

Sit down and tell us every detail of the game.

Oh, uh, no. I mean, grab your bags and get the hell out of here.

and we're forced to evacuate the hotel. What's wrong?

Well, the building is condemned.

Did you hear that?

Making that up, Skippy.

Oh, no, no.

Darlene and I want to stay.

This old hotel means a lot to us.

Look, Skippy, go get the rest of the bag. Jennifer, you go help him.

We want...

I am so pooped I'm not moving for the next two days. Ah, that's what you

I hope you don't mind. I invited a few people.

angry dad was i've never seen him like that he didn't seem that angry oh come

he was beyond angry jennifer he had that that look you know we can't quite get

the words out and he just goes here it comes

hey dad how's it going

Dad'll ever like us again.

Of course he will, Jen.

It's gonna take a little time.

20, 30 years.

He'll come around.

I'd hate for his last words to me to be...

Hey,

Dad, come on, stop. Look, at least slow down, okay?

Look, do you, uh...

You plan on being mad at us for the rest of your life?

That is my plan.

But, Dad, we're your flesh and blood.

Yeah, yeah, Dad.

Remember how cute we were when we were babies?

Yeah, well, I'm still a baby, Dad.

Will you read me a book, Daddy?

Yeah, Daddy, read us all a book.

Come on, Dad, don't go away.

You always said that we should talk about these things.

Alex, parents are conditioned to accept a few

minor problems when they leave their children alone at home.

Spilled milk on the rug.

Broken dish.

There was a kangaroo.

In my living room.

He was just here for the party, Dad.

And I guess I'm overreacting.

Dad, if you just give us a chance, we can explain everything.

Well, can you?

Can you explain the valet parking in the driveway?

The flashing vacancy sign in front of the house?

The billboard on Route 41?

Look, Dad, I just lost my head, you know?

When the money started rolling in, I got out of control.

I could smell it. I could taste it.

I could hear it calling me at night saying, Alex, at last we'll be together.

Dad, I guess you could just say that I kind of became a moneyholic.

Dad, I need help.

Dad, I guess most of this was my fault. I mean, I shouldn't have been driving

the car at night without your permission.

And Alex and Jennifer were just trying to help pay for the car damage.

They're really not to blame.

Well, I guess it's my fault, too. I shouldn't have asked Mallory to take me

to Chrissy's house when I wasn't supposed to go.

Dad, you left me in charge, and I let you down in every possible way.

I was immature, I was irresponsible, and I was greedy.

Sorry He's coming around

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.