Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years And I bet we'll be

together for a million more Oh, it's like I started breathing

on the night we hid And I can't remember what I ever

did before What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do, baby? Without us And there

ain't no nothing We can't love each other through What would we do, baby

Without us Sha -la -la -la

If it's Karl Marx, I'd like a word with him.

Hang up.

Who's Dina Marx?

She's one of the most popular girls in school.

She's smart. She's pretty.

A lot more important than Karl Marx, whoever he is.

She has all that going for her. What could she possibly want with Alex?

And she was just named leader for the senior caucus for passage of the Equal

Rights Amendment.

Maybe she wants him for target practice.

dean of marks want whoa wait a minute mallory uh the telephone is an

of private communication that's why the receiver is only big enough for one ear

and why'd they make extensions as usual you're too sharp

for me well if you must know mallory she's co -editor of the school yearbook

with me she's coming over in a few minutes you happy

Explain me everything, Alex.

Uh, Mom, do you know where your ERA yes button is? I'd like to borrow it.

Sure, it's upstairs in my... Wait a minute. Since when did you support the

Since he got interested in Dina Marks.

No, no, wait a minute. That is not true. Look, I have always been a supporter of

the ERA.

Equal rights are as important for men as they are for women.

We men will not be free until women are equal.

Had you going for a minute, didn't I?

No, seriously, Mom, come on. Can I have the button?

No.

I'm not going to give it to you so you can deceive some girl.

Oh, why not?

We're family.

Dad, Dad, can I borrow yours? Forget it, Alex. What you're doing is

unprincipled.

Besides, your mother would kill me.

All right, okay. Hey, fine, fine. I'll just make do with these pamphlets.

Let's see here.

Sexual discrimination will not be tolerated.

No. Sexual discrimination will not be tolerated.

Sexual discrimination will not be tolerated.

You can just roll off your tongue, does it, Alan?

women into the mainstream of American society in a truly equal partnership

men.

This isn't going to be easy.

Hey, how about this? For the dedication in the front of the book, a full -page

photo of Mrs. Buchanan, and in the lower corner, in dedication, Emma Buchanan.

What a teacher.

What a woman.

What a body.

Alex? Well, what I mean is, what a body of knowledge.

This woman has imparted to us over the years. That's not what she meant.

She does have a great body, but I don't think we should put that under her

picture in the yearbook.

One thing, it has a slightly sexist ring.

Well, hey, no ring intended.

You know, sexism, sexual discrimination of any kind is entirely intolerable to

me. The mere thought of it makes me wince.

Really? Well, yes, yes. Don't you feel that way?

Oh, yeah, I do. I just didn't think you did, that's all.

Well, I'm glad you feel the same way I do, because, frankly, it would be very

hard to work for someone who didn't.

Yeah, but I've always thought of you as kind of conservative and preppy.

Preppy?

Me?

No, no, I just came in from a wedding.

Okay, let me get this straight.

You are pro -ERA.

Dina, you say ERA.

I say Y -E -S.

Would you care for a cup of tea? I'd love one.

Listen, just sit yourself down.

You're going to love this tea. It was grown, picked, and brewed entirely by

women.

You know, Alice, everything we talk about does not have to involve women.

I do have other interests.

I don't.

Well, but I'm... I'm willing to learn.

You know, this is really fun.

Working with you isn't nearly as dull as I thought it would be.

Oh, thank you.

I think.

Yeah, and it's really surprising.

What? What is?

Well, all these years in school, I've never had the least bit of interest in

you.

That doesn't seem possible.

Why?

things i guess like the young republicans club that's oh tina

tina tina tina i i am something of a dabbler i'm i'm the seeker of new

experiences i'm like a young sapling whose roots are young and thirsty yeah

this is what i thought it would be like

You know, Dina, it's good that we can laugh in these troubled times.

When women are so ruthlessly oppressed by this sexist society.

Oh, hi. Would you like some tea?

No, thank you.

Nice apron, son.

Well, thanks, Dad. I hope you don't mind me boring it.

I got quiche on mine.

No.

No, no, not at all. When you're done, hang it next to my jello molds.

Yeah, I will, Dad.

Thank you. I'm just wearing it to make some tea, and then I'm going to clean

A woman's work is never done.

A person's work, Mom.

Thank you for raising my consciousness, Alex.

How's the yearbook coming along?

and we should have it out by the time we're sophomores in college.

Elise and I were co -editors of the yearbook in high school.

That was really terrific. We had some great times together.

That's how we met.

No, it wasn't.

I wasn't on the yearbook staff in high school.

Oh, no, that's right. I was thinking of...

It's not important.

They're a fun couple, aren't they?

Equally fun.

You know, Dina, I was wondering, would you like to go out with me Saturday

night? I can't. I'm hosting an ERA debate at the community center.

Oh.

What a coincidence. You know, that is where I was going to take you.

Great. We can go together.

Great.

I'll pick you up at 7.

Or you could pick me up at 7.

Or we could meet halfway at 3 .30.

This evening we are pleased to present a dialogue between two women, both

presidents of women's groups, who often approach the same problem, shall we say,

from different directions.

Would you help me welcome Sharon Fletcher and Dorothy Kennel.

Let's get right to it, shall we? Mrs. Fletcher, tell us, if you would, what

bothers you most about passage of the ERA?

Well, simply stated, I believe that passage of the ERA would take away

rights that American women already have under the 14th Amendment to the

Constitution.

Ladies and gentlemen, if the Equal Rights Amendment is not ratified, a

generation of American girls will grow up unequal, limited in their options,

penalized for being born female.

Yeah.

The ERA is many things, but basically it's a bread -and -butter issue.

Women with college degrees are paid less than men who haven't finished high

school. Let's keep it that way.

This must start.

Your behavior is unacceptable, sir.

Homemaker's labor is not recognized as having economic value. Oh, get back in

the kitchen, lady. That's where you belong.

Come on, come on. Let this woman speak. Show some common... What are you doing?

Look, let her speak. The First Amendment of the Constitution clearly states, and

I quote...

No, not really.

Look, Dina, I cannot go on with this any longer. I'm not really... Alex, that

was a very courageous thing you did, coming to Dorothy's defense like that.

Well, thanks, but listen, about this whole ERA business, this button, this

shirt, it's not... Is that a scratch on your ear?

Yeah, it's nothing.

Oh, those animals.

I don't think I've ever been as attracted to anybody as I am to you

So what is it you wanted to tell me?

I don't remember.

I think it was a trivia question.

Are you romantic?

The two of us in prison together.

Alex, I want to thank you for coming to my defense.

I'm proud of you.

I'm very impressed with your passion for the movement.

Well, Dorothy, it was a privilege to come to your aid.

I regret I have but one ear to give to the cost.

Alex, when you talk like that, I can barely keep my hands off you.

But those are just idle words.

There is a job to be done here. Not only by us, but by women everywhere.

to accept these indignities. How long, Lord?

I feel the way President Kennedy must have felt that day at the Berlin Wall

he said, today, I am a Berliner. Well, today, in this cell, I say to you, I am

woman.

I hate to be taken out of context.

We've paid your bail.

No.

No, uh, Dad, uh, I will not leave here until the last of my sisters

pass this four -day trial.

Uh, women, my parents, Stephen and Elise Keaton.

since birth.

Now, how is that possible?

Good question. Coming from a girl.

Alex, leave them alone. They're just playing.

Dad, I will not be ridiculed in my own home by puppets.

That's what's wrong with you feminists. You have no sense of humor.

Mom, I am not a feminist. I am... simply posing as a feminist out of respect for

the girl I care about.

Yeah, I hope she appreciates it.

Look, why is everybody picking on me?

Last night, I defended a woman's right to speak. Now, is that bad?

Of course not. We're very proud of you for that. And I spent a night in jail

a cause I don't even believe in.

Does that make me a bad person? Alex, that's not what we're talking about.

You're misleading, Dina. You have a relationship based on lies.

Dad, that's not true. We're past the lies. We're into the good stuff now.

Look, do you think I'm happy doing this? I'm not.

You know, it started out as a few innocent little lies.

I wouldn't even call them lies.

They were liettes.

And it just snowballed. I mean, what can I do now?

Dina believes very deeply in this cause, Alex. Your attitude towards it is

really insulting to her. If you care at all about Dina, you should tell her the

truth now.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Dina.

Yeah, listen, I'm glad you called because I have something to tell you.

What's that?

Really?

No kidding.

That is really flattering, but... Wow.

Oh, wow.

Oh, that is great.

All right, okay, Dina.

All right, okay, bye -bye.

Huh.

So, did you tell her?

Congratulate me.

I am now the leader of the Ohio youth movement for passage of the ERA.

rally this Saturday.

Well, you're not going to go, are you?

Well, Mom, I have to go.

I'm the keynote speaker.

This is indeed a very special evening for me.

You see, I've always said that the Equal Rights Amendment is not a woman's

issue. It's a people's issue.

And that thought was strongly reinforced for me the other night in, of all

places, our city jail.

During our ERA debate here last Saturday night, I was shouted down.

But during the ruckus, a young man leapt to my defense and demanded that I be

heard.

Only later, in jail, did I get a full sense of his commitment to ERA.

He so fully shares our frustrations and our concerns that he was able to say in

the most heartfelt manner, Today, in this cell, I... I am a woman.

Alex Keaton said he was a woman.

And my spirit soared.

His courage, his valor, his integrity, his truthfulness are

beyond measure.

He boycotted, or as he put it, person -cotted.

I have to talk to you.

I lied to you.

What? I lied. I lied. It's all a lie.

I'm not pro -ERA.

I just made believe how I was so you'd be interested in me.

May I introduce the next Ohio youth leader for the ERA, Alex Keaton.

I'm not worthy of your applause.

It's time that you heard the truth. See, I defended Dorothy Cannell's right to

be heard, and I believe in that.

No, please.

See, my reasons for doing it are not what you think.

I did it for a girl.

All right!

I'm trying to apologize here.

See, I, uh, I may believe I was something I'm not.

So, uh, so this girl would be interested in me.

It seemed harmless enough at the time.

But, uh, the truth is, I'm not in favor of the ERA.

I'm sorry, Dina.

Uh, I apologize to you, Dorothy.

To my family.

And to all of you.

See, I can't accept this honor because I believe that the leader of a movement

has to believe in the movement.

And I honestly don't.

I have managed to gain some new understanding of the need for ERA.

And it comes from seeing intelligent, courageous people who want it as badly

you do.

I'm not voting for it.

But, uh, I am closer to it than ever before.

So, you see, I am not the Alex Keaton that you thought I was.

I'm not a woman.

Sorry.

Could we take a ten -minute break? This is a mess.

Uh, uh, Dina.

Yeah, what is it, Alex?

Well, I was just wondering if, um, this was going to affect our relationship.

Excuse me, Alex.

Uh, Dina, wait.

Look, I am sorry.

What I did was an insult to you.

It was childish. It was unforgivable.

Yeah, well, at least we found something we really agree on.

Yeah, well, it was. I mean, it was unforgivable.

Can you forgive me?

You made a mockery of something that I believe deeply in.

You made a fool of me. You lied to me.

I can't forgive that.

working out with dina you did the right thing alex

a wonderful girl just walked out of my life all

i'm left with is a prison record how can that be the right thing

i know it doesn't feel like it now but you did let's go home son

What did you mean when you said you're not a woman?

I'm not.

I'm sorry to have to break it to you this way, Mom.

You're weird, Alex.

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.