Original subtitles

I bet we've been together for a million years And I bet we'll be

together for a million more Oh, it's like I started breathing

on the night we did And I can't remember what I ever

did before What would we do, baby, without us?

What would we do?

Don't be silly, Barbara. I told you yesterday you'll be no trouble at all.

Okay, I'll see you Saturday. Bye -bye.

Who was that?

My cousin Barbara, she and Dick are going out of town on Saturday. They want

know if we can babysit for little Kenneth.

Why? Are all the reform schools closed for the weekend?

Stephen, he's a perfectly well -behaved little boy.

Elise, we're talking about a kid who needed a police escort to nursery

Come on, Stephen, it'll be fun. Alex and Mallory will be out of town. We'll have

plenty of room.

Elise, I have some very important work to get done on Saturday. Plus, I'm

planning on watching the big Ohio State -Iowa game. Stephen, don't worry.

Jennifer and I will keep him out of your way.

I promise.

I just wish you'd consult me on these things first.

I will from now on.

I promise.

It's not fair to impose on me. I mean, it is the weekend.

You're absolutely right.

I'm wrong.

I'm sorry.

Okay?

Okay. I hope I wasn't too rough on you.

I hope Kenneth finds something in here he likes.

That's all I could find out of Alex's old toys.

He used to have a whole closet full.

I think he sold the rest to an orphanage.

Come on, will you talk to Alex, please? He says I can't go to Princeton with him

this weekend.

No, no, no. I did not say that.

All I said was that if she insists on tagging along to visit Jeff, she's going

to have to abide by my rules.

What rule?

He told me I had to ride in the freight car.

It is not a freight car.

It's a baggage car.

I went to a lot of trouble to set up this interview with the dean of

This interview is pivotal to my future as a collegian. It is not a vacation

junket for your personal amusement.

Alex, we understand how important this interview is to you, but I think you

ought to ease up on your restrictions a little bit.

Alex, I promise I will not annoy you for the entire weekend.

How can I be so sure of that?

You've never gone that long without annoying me before.

I've never tried before.

Look, Alice, I won't bother you. You won't even know I'm there.

Okay.

What should we wear on the train? Something collegiate.

Yo, Jeff.

Wow, 305. This is the place.

Wow. This is great.

I love college.

Alex, I'll be back about two. Make yourself comfortable, Jeff.

Alex, Jeff is going to be so surprised to see me.

Are we going to wait here for him? No, no. We are not going to do anything,

Mallory. I am going to get settled here, walk around the campus, and go to my

interview.

I've got to get mentally prepared.

I don't even want to see you until after the interview is over. Is that clear?

I saw a poster for a dance tonight.

I wonder if Jeff will take me to that. Do you think he will?

You're really starting to get on my nerves, Mallory.

I brought a nice dress with me just in case.

Oh, Alex, this is so exciting!

Mallory, uh, listen.

Mallory.

I would very much like to be alone right now, okay?

Why don't you, uh, why don't you go downstairs?

Find what room you're gonna be in. Get yourself settled.

I should be gone by the time you get back.

Mallory.

Please. I beg of you, go away.

Okay, I'll go.

Oh, listen, if Jeff comes back, don't tell him I'm here. I want to surprise

How's it going?

Um, fine. Where's, uh, you know, the little prince?

Kenneth is outside playing quietly with Jennifer just where he's been. since he

first got here. Okay, okay, don't rub it in. He's behaving very well.

I'm sorry I overreacted the other day. I guess the memory of Kenneth's last

visit was still fresh in my mind.

Stephen, Kenneth's last visit was uneventful.

Fire department didn't think so.

Relax, get your work done. Pretty soon you just forget he's even around.

Kenneth shot me.

He was playing and he snuck up on me and he zapped me with a toy space gun.

Oh, honey.

Should I take you to the pretend hospital?

Can we go now?

Go where?

Don't you remember?

Today's Mother's Day at my ballet school.

All the mothers will be there.

Don't go.

Can't you go some other time?

Tomorrow?

I forgot all about it, but I promised her, honey. I have to go.

I'll go get my staff.

Well, if you must go, would you please take Kenneth with you?

What would Kenneth do at a ballet class?

The same thing he does here. Cause misery and human suffering.

That's enough, Stephen. You are overreacting to the whole situation.

Okay.

You're right. I'm sorry.

Let's go, Mark.

Okay. I'll see you in a little while, honey.

Let's hope.

Bye, Daddy. Bye. Bye, honey.

Kenneth! Hi, Cousin Louise.

Look, Kenneth, I have to take Jennifer to ballet class.

You play nicely while I'm gone.

Don't worry about me. I'll be fine here with good old Cousin Stephen.

I accept your apology, Kenneth.

I know you have a lot of work to do, so I won't bother you anymore, okay?

Thank you. I appreciate it.

I'll go outside and play with some of those toys.

Maybe when I'm done here, I'll come out and we can toss the softball around. How

does that sound?

Great! I'll warm up. See you later.

Take me out to the crowd.

Buy me something else.

Ants crack.

Alex! Hey, Jeff, how you doing, buddy?

Good to see you. Great to see you. Uh, try to stay off my roommate's side.

Things can get a little dangerous over there.

Yeah. Uh -huh.

So, when's your interview?

Half an hour.

I'm so excited.

Who's it with?

One of the deans.

Dean Memminger.

Memminger?

Alex, he's tough.

What do you mean, tough?

Well, he's from the old school, likes the old values. He wasn't happy when the

school went co -ed.

He thinks girls interfere with the manly pursuit of higher education.

So do I.

Listen, Jeff, I was going to take a little walk around the old campus before

interview. Want to come? I can't. I've got a friend coming over in a few

minutes. Okay, well, see you later.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Did, uh, your friend Alex get here? Yeah. He just went off to have his...

interview.

Have you told his sister about me yet?

Not yet.

I feel funny doing it in a letter.

I'm gonna wait until the next time I go back home so I can tell her in person.

Good.

Jeff?

Mallory? What are you doing here?

I came up with Alex.

To surprise you.

Well, it worked.

So, I really think I'm top Princeton material.

My overall GPA is 3 .9874, and I scored in the top 3 % nationwide in the SATs.

I was also editor of the school newspaper, and I lettered in soccer for

three years. That's very impressive.

You certainly seem like Princeton material to me.

Well, uh, thank you.

Well, take care.

Mr. Keaton?

Yes, sir. That's me. Keaton. Alex.

P.

Dean Memminger. No middle initial.

Well, uh, that's not your fault, sir.

I mean, uh, I mean, hello.

It's a pleasure to meet you, sir. I'm not quite ready for you yet.

Be right back.

Allow me, sir. Please wait inside my office. I'll join you in a few minutes.

Yes, sir.

I'll just wait inside your office then, sir.

You'll be back in a few minutes.

So far, so good.

Well... Yes,

Dean Memminger, I certainly do want to attend Princeton.

I've always had a certain, oh, shall we say lust?

No, not lust. An admiration for the Ivy League.

Alex!

Mallory, what are you doing here?

I saw Jeff.

What about Jeff?

Kissing the desk?

No, he was leaning against the desk.

He was, um, he was, he was kissing, um, a girl.

Oh, boy.

Oh, let's go home.

Let's go home, okay, Alan?

Mallory, are you crazy?

Why don't you take her out for dinner? Here's a couple of bucks.

Mallory, I had every intention of telling you about Sandy.

Sandy? Did you hear that, Alice? Her name's Sandy.

Great, here's some more money. Take Sandy with you.

I'm sorry you had to find out like this, but don't forget, we did agree to see

other people.

Say, that's right. Well, I guess this is settled, huh?

I was just wishing Alex good luck. I think you'll really like him.

He's a swell kid.

Oh, that's good enough for me.

Congratulations.

Welcome to Princeton.

We'll talk later, Mallory.

Well, so long.

And who is this?

Hi.

Uh, she was just leaving.

Mallory, please, be reasonable, okay? Just wait outside. I'll be down here in

few minutes.

Okay, I'll wait out here.

Good. And try to keep your mind off Jeff.

Okay,

I'm ready.

You sure?

has not got off to a good start, Mr. Keaton. If there's any further

interruptions, I may have to hold it against you.

Yes, sir. I'd do the same thing if I were in your shoes.

By the way, did I tell you how much I liked your shoes?

Sit down, Mr. Keaton, please.

Yes, sir.

I must say, I'm very impressed with your application.

Very impressed indeed.

I can always spot sincerity and commitment in an application.

Well, thank you, sir.

I tried to throw a lot of both in there.

Uh, Dean Meminger, as you could probably tell, I regard Princeton as perhaps the

finest... educational... in...

Um, ever since I was a young lad of about, oh, I don't know, six or

eight months of age... Excuse me.

Hello?

It's for you.

Hello.

Matt Mallory, would you please... Look.

Look, I know you want to go home right now, but I...

Mallory, don't leave without me.

No, no, don't leave the building. I repeat, do not leave the building.

You think she'll call again?

No, no, that's it.

Fine, then we can get on with this interview.

Please. All right, Mr.

Keaton, could you tell me what unique qualities you possess which might enrich

the Princeton community?

Well, sir, I'm glad you asked that.

How much time have you got?

Well,

sir, at the risk of sounding immodest, you see before you a young man without a

flaw.

Unless, of course, you find me immodest, in which case I have one flaw.

I see that you're very involved in extracurricular activities.

Oh, yes, sir. Yes, sir. You speak correctly.

As a matter of fact, if I may speak extra correctly for a moment.

If you can, please do.

Well, sir, I... She's leaving.

Huh?

Just a second.

Valerie, come back here, will you? What is going on here?

D -Manager, is there any possibility of rescheduling this interview? Maybe later

today or tomorrow.

There'll be no rescheduling of this interview.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, sir, because I really have to go.

What?

Look, that's my sister out there.

She came up to Princeton with me to surprise her boyfriend, and she saw him

another girl.

She's very upset, and...

I should probably go talk to her because I am her brother.

So, I gotta go.

Sir, I hope my record can stand on its own.

Because I really do want to attend Princeton.

I love this place.

I love everything about it.

I have ivy grown on my bedroom walls.

Tigers beat Yale.

I mean that.

The Buckeyes call timeout. Twelve seconds left in the game.

It's a long shot, folks, but they're still in this one.

I'm bored, Cousin Stephen. When's Jennifer getting back?

Very soon.

Isn't there something you can do until she gets back?

Like what?

Well, what have you been doing up till now?

Burning ants with a magnifying glass.

So keep doing.

Do you want to try some closets again?

No, no, I'd really rather you... What do you mean again?

Team three take the field for what well could be the final play of the game.

The Buckeyes are down 16 to 12.

Oh, can I watch Stippy Dog?

Kenneth, no. Kenneth, please.

This is the last play of the game.

I'll bet I can get the pitcher to come in better. Kenneth, it's fine. It's

Really, really. The Buckeyes line up at the power line. formation.

Stockwood calls the signal. He takes the snap.

How are you feeling?

I want to die.

Guess you're not up for a game of gin and rummy then, huh?

What a weekend.

I ruined your interview. I lost my boyfriend. I made a complete fool of

in the process.

Never before have I acted so stupidly and so selfishly. Come on, Mallory.

I'm sure you have.

I'm kidding. I'm just kidding. Come on, cheer up, will you?

So, uh, how did you and Jeff leave things?

Well, there wasn't a whole lot we could say to each other. I mean, we did agree

to see other people.

It was stupid of me to go up there this weekend.

Why didn't you try to stop me?

I'm kidding.

I'm just kidding.

Well, it's good that you can laugh about it.

The spirit does funny things to a woman.

Listen, uh, Mallory.

You lost a boyfriend today.

A good one, and, uh... And I know you're upset.

But let me tell you something.

You're a very special person.

You got a good heart.

You got a good sense of humor.

You're attractive.

And, uh... You're a lot smarter... Than, uh, than I usually give you credit for.

So, uh, don't you worry, Mallory.

There are a lot of guys out there who would consider themselves lucky to even

meet someone like you.

It's true, Mallory.

I don't know what in the world just possessed me to say all that.

But, uh, it is true.

Alice, I don't understand it. I mean, I'm surprised you're not angry with me

after what I did to you today.

Mallory, what would be the point in getting angry at you now?

You're brokenhearted. You're in a weakened state.

Oh, well, you feel better. Then I'll really let you have it.

No, I'm serious, Alex. I ruined your college interview.

I mean, I practically destroyed your chances of getting into Princeton.

What I did today may have damaged the course of your entire life because of

Mallory, listen, I'm not angry now, but if you keep this up, I'm going to throw

you off the train.

But it's true.

I don't understand it myself.

All I know is when I was up there in Dean Memminger's office and I saw you

wandering across the campus delirious with grief, it really got to me.

All of a sudden, getting into Princeton didn't seem as important as helping you

out.

I think you're changing, Alex.

You may be right, Mallory.

I really learned a lot about myself today.

What?

Well, I always thought that I knew myself, you know?

What I wanted, how I wanted to get it.

Apparently, I was wrong.

I am just going to have to face the cold, hard truth that underneath it all,

like it or not, I'm just a hell of a nice guy.

Shut up and deal the cards.

All right.

How about a game of hearts?

Alex.

Homemade?

Sit, Ubu, sit.

Good dog.