Original subtitles

Heartbeat, why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

Heartbeat, why does a love kiss stay in my memory?

Any pause for me, Dad?

No, no.

Right. Breakfast in two minutes?

Dad?

You okay?

I regret that your appeal to the bank's regional committee has been

unsuccessful. We therefore... Oh, Dad.

How can they do this to you?

They want their money back, Pete.

I've lost everything.

Have you spoken to anyone?

It's literature.

They're advised to sell while prices are high.

I'll tell you one thing, though.

If I am going out, it'll be with a bang, not a whimper.

It says here that most American men these days are having what's called a

midlife crisis.

The symptoms are in there to go by. I'm having one right now.

A little later than ever, Al.

Right, gentlemen. I have two words for you.

Property found.

I'll cub your excitement. We are professionals.

The found property cupboard is busting at the seams. I want all unclaimed items

restored to their finders.

Yes, Sergeant, it's the report from Westport.

Oh, nice of you to join us, PC Bellamy.

What is it, Phil?

I don't believe it. First time it draw, I know.

I've won premium bonds.

I thought licensees stayed in bed till lunchtime. You've got to be joking. With

Oscar Blaketon around.

What's that?

It's David.

He's wrestling with a load of mice in the loft.

They're running rings round him. He doesn't like trapping them, you see.

Well, it's him I've come to see.

Want a couple more jargons with horseradish sauce?

Horseradish? Bernard!

Hello.

David. Oh, go on.

Oh,

wonderful.

It's only taken you an hour.

David, what's this about you and horseradish sauce?

What are they doing in the barn?

Well, I'll put them somewhere. You'd have moaned at me if I put them in the

house. They're stuck in that old wardrobe, aren't they?

Auntie Beth made them.

Came along there a couple of years ago, got bored, made two dozen jars.

How much beef did she think you were going to eat?

Is it any good?

The best I've ever tasted. Our customers love it.

Pity she didn't leave the recipe.

Could have been the cornerstone of a little cottage industry, that.

Oh, she did leave the recipe.

I'm not sure she'd be happy with us making money out of it, though.

Nonsense, David.

Just think about it.

Stockwell's horseradish sauce.

And who knows in time?

Stockwell's mustard.

Stockwell's cranberry jelly.

Stockwell's mint sauce.

All with your picture on it.

Before you two get carried away.

I'll have a couple of jars, please.

Oh, yeah.

Dad,

we need to do some serious talking.

Not now, son. I'm busy.

Please, Dad. When I get back... ...promise.

Mr. Blaketon?

I'm Mark Jenkins. Oh, yes, right. You're here for the auction, right?

I'll take this.

Oh, and this is Gina Ward.

Ah, the boss.

So it says over the door.

It's nice to meet you.

Likewise.

I'll show you to your room.

Here we go again.

Might have just popped an ear up.

Oh. Casually in your winnings, are you?

I'll be quick.

I'll come with you.

I knew a fella in Northallerton had a big win.

Treble on the horses.

He bought himself a yacht.

Well, that's my philosophy.

Enjoy it.

Oh, he did. For three months.

Ground off the French coast.

I can't.

There you go, then. What do you reckon to that?

Phil, I don't think I knew any wealthy men.

Just got lucky.

So I see.

Phil Rockefeller, they're going to call me.

I think with me you could wear diamonds.

Ladies and gentlemen, please.

There's something I want you to hear before you put too much pay, not to say

money, into this bank.

They're only helpful when you don't need them.

When you're in trouble, they don't want to know.

OK, I think we should talk about this. Hang on, Phil.

Free country, is this?

Carry on, Richard.

Five years ago, I took out a loan from this bank.

They say I've defaulted on two payments. Well, what I've done is asked for more

time to pay.

But that's not good enough for them. They want their money back, so I'm

to sell up.

What about the interest I paid you?

Am I going to get that back?

Or will I have to take it?

Well, it's all very well blaming the bank.

But if you sign an agreement... Do you read the papers, Phil?

Of course I do. Well, then you know how much profit this bank made last year.

Yeah, well, that's not very well, but I still think we should have stopped him.

Now, listen, we did what we paid for.

Freedom of speech was upheld, and nobody got hurt.

Right.

You are nicked.

I suppose you think that's funny, don't you?

Out.

Come on.

Out.

Mr.

Harvey, this was not the best way to give you a point.

You're on the side of the bank.

There's a surprise.

As usual, Mr Harvey, we're big in the middle.

You said it, not me.

Just a second.

Sergeant, your salary goes in every month.

Safe as houses.

Not for me.

That farm's my life. Believe it or not, we sympathise.

Then what have I been doing here?

Mr Harvey, we just want your reassurance that this was a one -off. Now come on,

your son's waiting.

You OK, Dad?

Not too bad.

Surprised what a bit of direct action can do to you? Well, as long as you're

planning a repeat performance.

That's my business.

I will make sure it doesn't become old.

I hope you threw the book at him, Sarge.

Nothing relevant in the book.

The bank didn't even want to clear up the mess he made. Why? They don't want

publicity. My concern is what he's going to do next.

Sarge. I'm not convinced we've seen the last of Mr Harvey. What, do you think

he's got something else planned?

Aye. Apparently his farm stock is on auction.

Might be worth letting the auctioneers know what he's been up to so they can

keep an eye on him. Do you want us to get down there now, then, Sarge?

Might be a good idea, Bradley.

Right.

Pending the usual tests, Stockwell's horse -ready sauce is about to become a

household name.

Well, at least in Yorkshire.

Well, don't jump for joy, either of you.

How do you wangle that?

Remember George Puddyclat?

You know, her mum used to breed sausage dogs.

Remember the name. Who wouldn't? Well, she is now deputy head buyer of a big

local food company.

I phoned her at nine this morning. By eleven, I had a jar of horseradish on

desk. And by twelve, we were talking turkey.

Turkey? No, that's cranberry jelly, Mr. Vernon.

What is?

Oh, never mind.

Anyway, she's as good as told me she'll take 500 jars by the end of the month.

There's the rub, David. As good as told him. Yes, well, there is a slight

wrinkle. Where do you buy horse radishes?

Well, you don't buy them, you dig them up.

They're plants, they grow everywhere.

You mean they're free?

Yeah. Oh.

Isn't Mother Nature bountiful?

Right, David, dawn tomorrow. It's you, me and a spade.

Here you go, Sarge.

Thanks.

Well, it all looks pretty organised.

Morning, gentlemen.

Ah, Mr Cowell, have you met Sergeant Merton? I have not yet had the pleasure.

How do you do, Sergeant? Mr Cowell. What can I do for you?

I understand Richard Harvey's stock is being auctioned off.

He's a local farmer, Mr Cowell. Stock's been sold off by the bank. Of course.

Well, Mr Harvey's obviously finding the situation a little difficult to deal

with. We were concerned he might cause some trouble.

Can I ask what security arrangements you have in place?

Only a few stewards.

I'm not sure I have time to bring in any more.

In the circumstances, it might be best if one or two of my men came down. Just

keep an eye on things.

There you go, Alf.

Thanks, Jeannie.

So, you're here on your own, Mr Jenkins.

You didn't bring the family along.

Just myself, I'm afraid.

Hoping to pick up a few bargains at the auction.

Well, it's going to be a very busy day, I hear.

The biggest market we've had for years.

Best of luck.

So have you got a family then, Mark?

No. My brother's the one.

Married three times. He's only 30.

Oh? What about you, then?

Smitten, is she?

Well, if she is, he's in for a disappointment.

He says he's a farmer from near Ludlow.

He's no more a farmer than you or me.

Oh, how do you know?

His hands are... Just take a look at them.

They're more like a girl's than a farmer's.

Oh, a gentleman's armour, maybe.

Oh, this

will do nicely.

Holmes hood.

Oh, yeah.

A mouse lived in a windmill so snug and so nice.

There's nobody there now but a whole lot of mice. Keep them peeled.

David,

do you know that song about mice and clogs and windmills?

Oh, yeah, I like that one.

Yes. Well, they ended up with thousands of them. Just as we will if you catch

them at the rate of one a week.

What are you saying? I should work faster?

I'm saying we should get a cat.

I can't do that, Mr Vernon.

It would kill him.

Oh, never mind.

Horseradish.

Oh, right, what's that?

What, is that it?

Not much to look at, is it?

Oh, well, looks aren't everything.

Are you sure that's horseradish? No, positive.

Right, then.

I'll leave you to it.

I've got a meeting with Whitby Bottling at nine.

Hey, you won't forget about the labels, you know, with my picture on them.

All in hand, David.

There you are.

Thanks, Mr Blayton. One for yourself.

Oh, no, thanks.

So, Gina, where's your new friend?

He's having an early night, Oscar.

OK. An early night?

Oh, I think I remember them.

Hey, Alf, what were you saying about gentlemen farmers?

I can see Bellamy on a country estate with servants to fetch and carry.

What are you talking about?

Money, lad. Sudden windfalls.

As you know.

Right, well, it's an orange juice for me and a pint for Mike. And whatever these

two scroungers want, please, Gina.

Go on. I'll have one with you. No hard feelings, eh?

Hey, Richard.

I think you've had enough.

What's up, Oscar?

Don't want me upsetting the punters.

You're auction crowd.

Bargain hunters.

Hoping to get my stock at a knock -down price, are you?

Swoop down like ruddy vultures.

Well, it's not going to happen.

Look at this.

Coppers everywhere, poking their noses in when innocent folk are just trying to

make a point. If I were you, Mr Harvey, I'd ask Gina for a black coffee. Gina

for a black coffee.

You weren't looking so dapper this morning, were you?

Outside the bank.

Right, that's it. Come on.

OK, lads. This cake is easy. Come on, Richard.

Get your coat on.

Unless you were off home.

How come you let him get so drunk in the first place, Oscar?

He's been having a hard time. I was making allowances.

I think you've made one allowance too many.

I'll take him over for you, Mr Ventress. I've to pat the farm anyway.

That's very kind, Joe, but I think P .P. Bellamy and I will get Mr Harvey safely

home. Right, Phil?

Right, come on.

See if we can get him in my car. Come on.

Hang

on

here a minute, Phil. I'll get him in. Come on.

Dad?

It's okay, Pete.

Let me have the top off once, but otherwise...

Late to rank. Said he was pretty far gone. Hello, Liam. Fine. Come on, Dad.

Let's get you in here.

It's all right.

Sit down.

I'm sorry, Pete.

I'm really sorry.

All this was meant to be for you.

You've given me everything I need, Dad.

Now stay there and behave yourself.

I threw a bit of a rough patch, your dad.

I know.

I can't bear to see him like this.

What's he going to do? Try and start up again?

I don't know.

Well, look, I'd best be going, I'm afraid.

You going to be okay?

Yeah, I'll be fine.

And thanks.

136.

Stencher, top and bottom.

Wrote in by Harry Cartwright.

I recognise his smile.

Oh, Sarge.

I wonder if I should go and have a word with Richard Harvey.

I don't know if he told me about last night.

Well, if he's thinking of doing anything daft, I'd like to nip it in the bud.

And you're going to come back and help us with all this when you're finished.

Well, you two seem to be doing very well on your own.

If you go venturing.

Not as young as we were, Alf.

Speak for yourself.

This is where I find I've left my fags in the car.

So, you made it back in one piece, then.

Aye, thanks to your lot.

Nothing personal, you know, whatever I said last time.

I know.

Maybe you should ease up.

Then you'll rearrange any plans that you might have.

You've come as a copper, Alf, to sound me out.

Boris, a friend.

My plans, as you call them, have gone too far.

Too far?

All you did was to get drunk and spray a building.

Well, it needed cleaning anyway.

Too far up here.

I've crossed a line and they've built a wall behind me.

No going back.

Where do you reckon all this is going to lead, Richard?

To justice.

Twenty years we took to build up this place.

Three months has taken some bank to knock it down again.

What would Mary say?

She stood behind me like a one -man army.

Thought off all comers.

She'd really do what you have to.

You'll be all right, you know, Richard.

Fresh start and all that.

What's next, Mrs. Cripps?

So, dear, mix well, then let it stand for two hours, adding the secret

ingredient gradually.

Where's the secret ingredient?

Oh, didn't either of you think of what made a window in here?

It never ceases to amaze me that people eat this stuff.

What's next?

Minting. Half a barrel load.

What about the secret ingredient?

Go on, then. Gradually.

Maybe wrong.

Oh, I reckon it's the devil and the pain of eating it.

Did you get the jars burned?

250 on the truck.

The rest will be there on Monday.

What about the labels?

You know, with my picture on them.

I've told you, David, all in hand.

Morning.

Morning, Alf.

I was wondering if Dr Somerby could squeeze me in.

Between patients, that is.

What can I do for you?

Well,

I'm not sure.

In fact, I might even have overstepped the mark.

Right, well, that's got my attention.

Richard Harvey.

Do you know him?

Yeah, of course.

He's not been to see me since his wife died, though, and that's about... Well,

couple of years ago.

You've heard the latest?

The bank.

Mike mentioned it.

Well, the thing is that I had a conversation with him this morning

It didn't really hang together.

Do you think he might have a problem?

Well, I think he might do something stupid.

Reckless.

And I can stop him?

Well, let me put it this way.

Mrs Ventress's sister has these pills.

Mother's little helpers, they call them.

They bring her right down off the ceiling.

And if you knew her, you'd see what a tribute to medical science it is.

I'm not sure that I'd be much help, Alf.

But I will pop up later and have a chat.

See what I can do.

Wondered if you could do me a favour.

No, no,

just wondered if you could make something for me.

Do me a favour.

It's from the front of the tractor line.

Metal, obviously.

Strong. What's it for?

Well, there's a couple of old bonies on the place.

I need to knock them down before I sell it.

Safety, you know.

Safety?

Yeah, I see.

Thanks, Marty.

You're a friend.

Has she got her eye on someone?

Yeah, it's that Mark Jenkins.

You don't sound very happy about it.

He just worries me, Alf. He's certainly not a farmer. Not one that works for a

living, anyhow.

Have you seen his car?

He might have a point, but I don't think I can question him on the grounds he's

got soft hands and a nice car.

Maybe you're right.

Well, I'd best be off.

Are we all right, dear Alf? No peace for the wicked, Gina.

Got time for a quick word, comfortable?

For you, definitely.

Anything to distract me from the joys of lost property.

Everything all right?

Alf came to see me about Richard Harvey.

He wants me to go and have a talk to him.

Yeah, Alf's pretty concerned they go back a long way.

I'm not sure what he thinks I can do for him now. It feels strange just turning

up there unannounced.

Yeah, I know. Not one of your more usual house visits, I admit, but...

I was only trying to help, Trish. Yeah, no, you're probably right.

But I'm sure a quiet chat wouldn't do any harm, and if there's anything you

say to calm them down, that'd be great.

Okay.

Incentive compliments, the color of time.

Who cares what games we choose?

Little to win, but nothing to lose.

Incentive compliments, meaningless nouns.

Turn on, tune in, turn your eyes around.

Look at the stars, look at the stars. Yeah, yeah.

Look at the stars, look at the stars. Yeah, yeah.

Can I help you, Mr. Blaketon?

Ah, Mr. Jenkins.

Yes, I was just looking for the used towels.

Oh, they're in the bathroom behind you. Oh, right, yes.

The obvious place.

Go clean once.

Take my advice.

Don't grow old.

Oh, why not?

Come on, Dad.

Just that you get like this, we'll be all right.

We won't, though, lad, will we?

What would your mother have thought?

Watching everything we've worked for being sold off to a pack of bargain

hunters. Don't torture yourself.

The auctioneers, they'll get the best prices they can.

Perhaps it would be better if you don't go down there.

If you think I'm going to sit quietly here while they rub me blind, you can

think again.

No chance, lad.

Hello, Alf.

I was just passing, thought I'd drop in.

Oscar?

Just I was in Mr Jenkins' room this morning.

All right. It seems he's exactly who he says he is.

He left a driving licence in a jacket pocket.

Mark James Jenkins, Preston Farm, Ludlow.

Guess we got it wrong, Alf. Oh, thanks for letting me know.

We must be losing our touch.

I still think he's a funny one, though.

There's just something doesn't ring true about him.

I see.

What's all that about, Al?

Mark James Jenkins.

The name rings a bell.

I can't remember where I heard it, though.

Well, he's a farmer who's coming up the auction, but not a local fellow.

No, no, the name's familiar.

I'll run a check on it if you like.

There's nothing in it.

But no harm, I suppose.

Well, for a calling. That's all they come on with.

Oh,

Mr Vernon.

Do you want one sausage or... What are you staring at?

No, nothing.

Good. Two, please.

You're still doing it.

What?

What's the matter?

Mr Vernon, have you ever had chicken bulks?

Of course I have.

Right,

Mr Cartwright.

Well, we'll see you when we see you then.

No, you can ask them at the front desk.

Oh.

Robert. No, that was Harry Cartwright.

He brought these in about four months ago and he wants to pop in and see if

fit him.

Good old Harry.

Waste not want not.

Your friend Richard Harvey.

Doesn't seem to have calmed down much. Still a press involved now.

Oh, he's having a difficult time, Clarence.

So everyone keeps telling me.

Well, I promised Mr Carwell a few extra bodies just in case of trouble, so why

don't you go down there, Alf? Keep an eye on him.

He says you've got to come right away.

No, you don't.

Well, Mr Vernon.

He says if he's got it, then I'm going to have it. Well, if I've got it, you're

going to have it, aren't you? And if we've both got it, the whole village

have it.

What?

I don't know.

Er, save it for me, please.

I'll do those, Richard.

Makes a lot of them off. Not a charity case yet.

Of course not.

Hathberley Police.

Speaking.

Yeah, that's right. Jenkins.

J -E -N -K -I -N -S.

What? Just whatever you've got on him, really.

Great. Thanks.

Bye.

Mike, you couldn't lend us a fiver, could you, till payday?

Why?

Don't rich people carry change?

What is all this about me being loaded?

Your premium bonds.

Hey, when are you leaving the job?

Leaving? Mike, it was 25 quid with me outstanding bills and everybody adding

me bathtub. I've pretty much used it all.

Help me.

Ventress has already donated the auction market. I want you there with them,

please. Keep an eye on things.

Right, Sarge.

I just don't like it, Alf. There's too many strange folk knowing my business.

Well, it's a bad time for you, Richard.

At least you've got Peter there for you.

Aye, poor lad.

He should be away doing his studies, not back here worrying about me.

Well, he wants to help.

He took it hard, you know, losing his mother.

And now his dad's failed him.

Oh, come on, Richard.

I've lost what should have been his, you know.

You were never one for self -pity before, you know. I know, but...

The local's just bought my flock.

He looks a bit too pleased with himself.

Well, he paid a good price for it, you know. Not a few sheep, aye.

But not for 30 years' work.

I shouldn't have come.

Maybe not.

I'm sorry to drag you out, Doctor.

I'm convinced he's dying.

Oh, dear.

Where are they?

Taken to his bed.

Which is upstairs.

What's that smell?

Horseradish sauce.

Oh, yeah, Stockwell's horseradish sauce.

David, show the Doctor upstairs. I'll put the kettle on.

I would like to... Sorry,

you go on.

Your chest sounds all right, even if it doesn't look it. You've no temperature,

blood pressure's normal. Bit of a mystery.

Doctor, do you think it could be anything to do with age, you know?

In what way?

Well, I read that article in the Ashfordly Gazette about midlife crisis.

murder that featured editor.

You're the fifth or sixth man who's seen me about it this week.

You've not eaten anything unusual, have you?

Have I, David?

Well, I had shepherd's pie last night, but, you know, same old stuff went into

it. What about this horseradish?

Oh, I certainly haven't eaten any of that. I can't stand this stuff.

Well, you have missed a bit. Well, you had a taste.

Oh, yeah, a taste.

Have you never had it before?

No. Well, that might be your answer.

I'd say you're allergic to it.

Hold on a second.

Yes, the money's flowing in.

Those poppies are keeping their eye on things.

As far as I know.

Everything

all

right, Alf?

Oh, all quiet.

I'm sorry, your friend Richard.

Oh, he's fine.

I don't reckon he'll be any trouble.

Really?

Well, thanks for getting back to me so quickly. Yes, bye -bye.

Yes?

Sarge, I think there might be more trouble than we bargained for down at

auction. I've just got a CRO report back about a Mark Jenkins staying at the

Agensfield Arms.

And what's his story?

Did 18 months for violent theft and drug offences, got out last year and started

dealing again. There's a warrant for his arrest down in London.

Right.

Let's try and round him up, then. Any idea what he's doing up here?

Well, I thought he was here for the auction, but he got a feeling that

didn't add up.

Let's get down to the market, then. Radio Ventress and let him know what's

on. Will do, Sergeant.

Right, Mike.

I had no idea it was anything so serious.

Look, we'll keep an eye open until you get here.

Out.

Do you know what I like about the whole idea of horseradish?

It's as a fortune to be made out of what people don't eat. What they leave on

the edge of their plate.

I mean, there's a business beauty about that. You must agree.

Well, the fact that you can't eat it shouldn't make any difference.

Not from the business angle, that is.

I suppose not.

Still, it's not a very good advert if it has me looking like this, is it?

No. I see what you mean.

Solves the story.

Bye, pal.

Mr Harvey, I've got a question.

It's a bit awkward, really.

Get on with it, lad.

You're hardly the shy type.

Well, it's just... There was you thinking double whiskies in the pub. But

says you're skint.

Can't pay your bills.

But I can or can't do. It's none of your business.

I'm just trying to help.

Here.

Have a few quid on me.

Peter? What are you doing here?

This is Mark Jenkins' car.

How well do you know Mark Jenkins?

I don't. I only met him yesterday.

Now, this is serious.

Your dad wouldn't want you hanging around bad types.

What do you mean? What's he done?

Nothing of any concern to you.

Now, you'd best get yourself off and stay out of trouble.

Right you are, Mr. Ventress. Sorry if I've caused you any bother.

Now, get yourself home, Peter, and stay away from Mark Jenkins.

What was all that about?

Ask him.

All I did was pass the time of day, and this is what I get for my trouble.

Go on, Mr Harvey.

Good afternoon, sir. Can I help you?

You can indeed.

Keep to the safe, please.

I will.

Believe me.

Now, you could shoot one of us, Mark, and be locked up for the rest of your

life.

Or you could just put the gun down.

Mr. Harvey!

How's hell?

Well, nobody, but... So what are you here for?

It isn't convenient.

I'm on my way out.

Yeah, I can see that. Where are you going?

Going to get my money back, Doctor.

This here is my withdrawal slip.

All filled out and ready to go.

Mr. Harvey!

This all seems a little out of your league, Mr Jenkins.

I mean, armed robbery?

I thought dealing drugs to teenagers was more your style. Why the career change?

Someone made me a good offer.

Really?

Well, perhaps you could enlighten us as to what that offer was.

Ask Peter Harvey.

Harvey?

Yeah.

Met him on campus.

I was selling to some of his student mates.

Told me there was a job he wanted doing.

Offered a hefty cut of the proceeds.

So Peter Harvey hired you to carry out an armed robbery on the auction.

Doesn't quite ring true to me.

Except he is pretty desperate to help his father, sir.

He said it was payback time.

Right then, Bradley.

Best bring young Peter in for a little chat.

That should be police.

Sarge, I've heard that Mark Jenkins has identified Peter Harvey as his

accomplice. More than that, actually. He claims he was hired by Harvey.

Seems a bit far -fetched, I know, but we need to bring the lad in anyway.

Well, um... I think there may be some truth in what Jenkins is saying.

Really, Alf?

Well, I found Harvey outside the auction sitting in Jenkins' car.

While Jenkins was robbing the place?

Well... Must have been.

Well, I thought the young lad had just got in with a bad nun, eh?

Gave him an earful.

And sent him on his way.

Hmm.

Well done, Alf.

I'm sorry, Sarge.

I mean, I had no idea that young Peter was involved with anything like this.

Well, we need to see what the lad has to say for himself when we bring him in.

But things are looking pretty bleak for him now.

Yeah. All right, Mike.

Look, his son's here, too. I'll bring him down. I'll meet you there.

Tricia. OK, bye.

What's happened?

What are you doing here? Peter, I think your dad's in trouble.

What's wrong with him? Where is he? Come on, I'll explain on the way.

On the way to... I can't... I was just going... Look, Peter, your dad seems

unstable. I couldn't calm him down. Now, I really think we need to find him

before he does something serious.

Come on, then. Let's get out of here.

Sir, Richard Harvey's heading for the bank at Ashfordly on a tractor. Trish

thinks he's going to ram it. Better try and stop him before he reaches town,

sir. Leave Bellamy to keep an eye on things here.

Bye. Bye.

I don't think he's going to stop sad.

Dad!

Dad, please!

What do we do about Peter, Sarge?

Let's just hold back a moment, shall we?

Come

on,

Richard.

This is not going to solve anything.

It's all overdone. There's nothing else we can do. I'm sorry.

Peter Harvey?

We're investigating an armed robbery.

We think you can help us with our inquiries.

What are they talking about?

Peter!

John!

It's family loyalty, Richard.

That lad would do anything to see you all right.

You best come with us as well.

And if he's straight with us, he'll be let out on bail.

David! Break out the champagne.

Or failing that, go and get some beers from the pantry.

What's to celebrate?

Mrs Jones thinks our horse radish sauce is the bee's knees.

Who's Mrs Jones?

She is your average housewife pushing a trolley round any supermarket north of

Birmingham. She has been market researched and she prefers this brand to

other.

Accordingly, we have been bought out.

For a tidy little sum. And the food company won first refusal on our mint

We haven't got a mint sauce.

We soon will have, Bernard.

Hey, I thought this label was going to have my name on them. This says Scripps

horseradish. Ah, yes, well, it was the printers. They couldn't fit it in. Too

many letters. Well, I suppose my picture was too big to go on and all, was it?

Well, no, that's more to do with trade descriptions, David.

I mean, you couldn't have my name in your picture.

I mean, we could have been prosecuted for misleading people.

Why could he be prosecuted? Because, Bernard, for various reasons, mainly to

with income tax, the company's in his name.

You're pulling a fast one.

Even on friends and family. Bernard, the lad's got money in the bank. As

directors of script sources, we all have.

And I'll tell you something else.

What can you hear?

Nothing?

Precisely. The fumes from the horseradish is done for the mice.

I'll tell you, with a proper business plan, the days of the humble mousetrap

could well be numbered.