Original subtitles

Heartbeat, why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

Heartbeat, why does a love kiss stay in my memory?

There is...

It's a ride, is it?

I'll be right down as soon as I've had some breakfast.

It's a ride, David.

What?

You'll see.

You need to see a doctor about that.

This is...

Everything

to

your satisfaction, Mrs Langley?

Yes, thank you. Although I did ask for brown toast.

In that case, please allow me to organise some. No, no. It's of no

I've managed.

But if you could ask your girl to remember tomorrow.

Hello, darling.

And how are our feathers?

Like sitting ducks, my sweet.

Like sitting ducks.

Oh, dear me.

Mmm.

Er, yes, Mr Langley.

Ah, that coffee is stone cold.

I'll have some fresh sent through.

And I shall think so.

At these prices.

Ah.

Ah.

What's all this then?

Well, if you really want to know, it's Mrs Ventress's idea.

Well, you don't sound like the Mrs V I know.

Well, it's all part of her plan.

What plan?

Help me give up smoking.

Oh, no.

Not again.

Well, her view being that if God wanted us to smoke, he'd have given us

chimneys. Only you remember what happened last time you tried to give up,

you? You practically walked around with a swastika on your arm. The point is,

she's got this get -fit -fat going at the moment.

Well, I draw the line somewhere.

So instead, I've agreed to give up fags.

Mending tears, Alf.

Bellamy!

Bellamy, those files!

Tears, Alf.

walking my dog to the house, I'll be shot at.

And I want you to do something about it, because if you don't, I will.

Where did this incident take place, Mr. Alcott?

Up at Ashfordley's estate.

And this man you claimed shot your dog, presumably it wasn't Lord Ashfordley.

Hardly. He loves dogs.

Are you quite sure it wasn't the gamekeeper?

Well, he didn't look like no gamekeeper. And he tried to run me down and all.

Did you get the number of the vehicle? I did.

All right, leave it with me, Mr. Upright. I'll make a few inquiries.

Oh, and let's have no more talk of doing something about it yourself.

All right.

What is it?

It's what's known in military circles as a half -track, David.

capable of negotiating the most inhospitable of terrains.

And you've bought it?

Well, I haven't actually paid for it yet. First things first, eh?

Well, what do we want with one of them?

Patience, David.

All will be revealed.

But first, a little word with my brother.

Well, if you happen to be the owner of this vehicle, my lord. Not guilty of

one, I'm afraid. The property of one Oliver Langley.

He and his wife are staying here for a few days. Why?

Some sort of traffic incident, is there?

A shooting incident, my lord. On your land.

Good lord, really?

I'm glad to come in.

This is Mr.

Langley. He's a friend of yours, isn't he? They're staying here as paying

guests, actually.

I see.

The land where the incident took place is my pheasant release pen.

Langley's booked my shoot for the season.

Oh, yes.

He's bringing a lot of chaps down from London for it, too. You know, business

acquaintances. He's keen to impress, that sort of thing.

And they'll all be staying here as well.

What on earth could he have been thinking about, though, shooting a dog

that? Perhaps I should ask him, my lord.

Who were you thinking of invading, Abyssinia?

Oh, very comical Bernard, I'm sure.

What possible use could you have for half a Churchill tank?

Answer me one question, Bernard.

What has Yorkshire got that no one else has?

Yorkshire pudding.

Unrivaled scenic beauty.

The only trouble is you can't get to half of it, not without tramping for

But with this little beauty, it can take you there, problem solved.

I'm about taking tourists round in this thing. There you go again.

Pouring cold water on my brilliant ideas.

Verner, your brilliant ideas shouldn't just have cold water poured on them.

of them should be drowned at birth.

In fact, to be brutally frank, I've never heard such a daft idea in my life.

And while you're at it, move this thing before someone thinks the Russians have

landed.

There goes a man devoid of any imagination.

Well, you heard him.

Get it shifted up the cottage.

Oh, me?

Well, you can't expect me to do it, can you?

Not in my state of health.

Don't you have a word to show what may be done?

Have you never had a way to find the time?

Tell me all that you remember.

Yeah, I shot the dog.

It was worrying my pheasants.

Your pheasants, Mr Laney? That's right.

As I'm sure Ashfordly must have told you, I've had to shoot for the season.

Well, there was no way I was going to have him frightened off the day before

shoot by some stupid mongrel.

Couldn't you have simply chased off the dog?

What? And run the risk of getting himself bitten?

I don't really think that would have been very bright and comfortable.

Only as I understand it, the owner of the dog was in the immediate vicinity,

Langley.

Well, then he should have had the sense to keep him on a leash, shouldn't he?

He also alleges that you tried to run him over in your Land Rover as you were

leaving. Oh, well, that's absolute nonsense.

Do you have a shotgun certificate, Mr Langley?

Yeah, of course.

We both do.

Would you mind going to get him, my darling?

Come.

Bad business, Bradley. If you see Arkwright, you tell him how sorry I am

his dog.

You know him well, do you, sir?

I wouldn't say that, but he's lived in that cottage on the edge of the estate

for years.

He's a bit of a recluse, really, and something of a war hero, too.

So he's never given you any trouble, then? Good Lord, no. I mean, he's a bit

a rough diamond, maybe, but all he's ever done is walk his dog on my land,

I've no problem with that.

But Mr. Langley obviously had.

So it would seem.

I see that worried look upon your face.

You've got your troubles, I've got mine.

She's found somebody else to take.

It'll be Dr Somerby on duty, will it? Most certainly will, Vernon. She being

only doctor who works here.

You don't have a locum or anything, perhaps a male locum? I'm afraid not.

And what have you got against female doctors anyway?

Not shy, are we?

No, no, it's just that... Well, on this occasion, I'd have preferred to have

been seen by a male, that's all.

What's the problem?

I'd rather discuss it with the doctor, if you don't mind.

It being of a personal nature.

Oh, but the gold -bottomed man, who made the fantastic gold?

You mean my gal come walking down the road, the wind from her feet knocking

sugar in the gold.

The dance, sugar in the gold and gold on the ground.

Oh, that nasty.

You should try sitting on it, Doctor.

It's not one of life's most pleasurable experiences, I can tell you.

I'm sure.

Well, I think I'm going to have to refer you to hospital.

Hospital?

Yeah.

It's in a bit of an awkward place.

And it'll need to be drained, of course.

Well, can't you do that?

Vernon, a boil this side needs special attention.

But I'll see if I can get you admitted later today. In the meantime, I'll get

you some painkillers.

And you can get dressed.

And when old fans go swinging,

yeah, when old fans go swinging.

Well, I spoke to the Mr. Langley, and he admits he was the one that shot your

dog. As far as I'm concerned, there weren't any doubts about it.

Well, it seems he's rented the land for a shoot tomorrow.

He claims he did what he did because your dog was worrying the pheasant.

I wasn't with an hundred yards, nor was Jake.

Well, that's your word against his, Mr. Arkwright.

And does he admit to trying to run me down?

Nope, he denies that.

Well,

once again, Mr. Arkwright, that's your word against his.

Yeah.

And him being stinking rich, you coppers prefer to take his word against mine,

right? Not this copper, Mr. Arkwright. In any way, under the circumstances,

there's nothing we can do about it. Unless you find another witness to

substantiate your story.

At that time of the morning, up there.

Well, what new way.

Mr. Arkwright, word of advice.

Let's not do anything stupid, shall we?

So did Arkwright ever come in here?

Yeah, regular as clockwork, once upon a time.

And was tripped out just as regularly.

Really?

Yeah, he was a real hard man in his time, I can tell you. I never knew a man

could clear a bar as quickly as Saul could when he was in the mood, which he

usually was, after a few pints.

Mind you, that's way back, when I was still a copper.

I see.

Yeah, with a real third case.

How's that?

because one day, after we'd locked him up once again for being drunk and

disorderly, he went home and discovered his wife had had enough, packed her bags

and left.

Well, that's as much as a forwarding address.

That was the last he heard of her.

Until he heard from her lawyer's eyes.

I see.

He was absolutely devoted to her.

Devastated, he was.

So what happened?

Well, he gave up drink.

For starters, hasn't touched a drop since, as far as I know.

But since the divorce came through, he's been living like a hermit up there in

that cottage.

Just his dog for company.

So how do you think he's going to react to the dog being shot like that?

Well, like I said,

he's a strange one.

What would old Ashfordly take for this place, do you think?

The family seat?

He'd never sell.

Oh, I'd say that depends.

On what?

On what sort of financial difficulties he's in.

What makes you think he's in any?

Sylvia, if his lordship suddenly started taking in paying guests, he must be in

some sort of financial difficulties.

Well, they could just about see myself as a lady at the manor.

To the manor bone, darling.

To the manor bone.

Oh, thanks.

Lord Ashfordly?

Lord Ashfordly?

Mrs Langley. Any chance of any tea?

Of course. If you care to go through the morning room, I'll see what I can

arrange. Oh, and it will be Earl Grey, will it?

What else, Mrs Langley?

Arrested? That's right.

What for?

From what I can gather, laying waste to most of Aidensfield.

Bernard, is this some kind of joke?

Well, the police weren't laughing when they carted him off.

They also managed to put one of their patrol cars off the road.

Where is he now?

Captain Irons, I should imagine, over in Ashfordly Neck. So if I was you, I'd

get myself down there.

Oh, and if sometime soon you could spare the time to shift your tank off my

lawn. Or rather forecourt.

So, Mr Langley's in property, Mrs Langley.

Not a day passes without him snapping up some little traveller or other. The way

he's going, he'll end up owning half of London.

Really?

You've never thought of putting this place on the market, have you?

Oh, hardly, Mrs Langley, no.

But you're not from London yourself, presumably?

Barnsley, actually.

Oh! I was an actress at the Hippodrome. You might have seen me.

No, I'm afraid not.

No. Of course, we've lived in town for years.

There's nothing quite like London, I always feel. As Byron once said, if

sick of London, you must be sick of life.

Tired of London, tired of life, yes.

Dr Johnson, thanks.

The time we had at the garden party last year.

The garden party?

Buckingham Palace.

Oh, that one.

Alice Ridley.

Would you hold the line a moment, please?

It's for Mr Langley.

I'll take it.

And I'll leave you to it.

Hello? I'm afraid Mr Langley isn't here at the moment. Can I help?

So where's the car in a moment? At the garage.

Having the headlight repaired.

And this other vehicle?

Part next to it. Not a scratch on it.

Presumably you breathalysed him. On the spot, Sarge. And?

Clean as a whistle.

So where's this lunatic now?

In the interview room, Sarge.

Right.

I take it you have insurance to drive this vehicle, do you?

Can I see your driving license, please?

And you are the owner of this vehicle, are you, Mr Stockwell?

Ah, well, no. Well, I mean, neither of us is, as such. Neither of you?

Yeah, neither me nor Mr Vernon.

Well, it's not been paid for.

Vernon Scripps, I presume.

Well, it was him that said, get my home.

Well, you couldn't leave it outside his brother's funeral parlour.

What, in case people thought we'd been invaded?

So I've got it started, and then it's like it takes off, and I can't stop it.

And just what would you and Mr Scripps be wanting with an old army half -track?

Oh, well, that's our new business venture.

Trashing villages, you mean?

No.

Tours of the moors.

In the back, like. Really?

And you would be driving this vehicle, would you? On these jolly jaunts.

Oh, aye.

When I get the hang of it.

Aye,

you've got a pheasant shoot here tomorrow.

That's right.

You'll be looking for beaties then.

You can always deal with another couple.

Right.

Has he been charged with anything yet or what?

No. Not more than 20 separate offences so far.

Ranging from forcing a police car off the road to vandalising a telephone box.

Right, Mr Stockley, you can go for now. But it goes without saying you'll be

hearing from us again just as soon as we've completed our enquiries. As, of

course, will you, Mr Scripps.

Me? What am I supposed to have done?

I was at the doctor's.

Well, as I understand it, you were the one who left him in charge of this

vehicle when you apparently had a blind idea how to control it.

All I said was get it home, not drive round in it like Aidensfield's answer to

Godzilla. As I said, Mr Scripps, you'll be hearing from us.

Aren't our policemen wonderful?

Oh, good to know we're appreciated, Vernon.

Come on, Rommel.

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

It's very good to see you. Give a good drive.

Is everything all right?

Go take your stuff in the hall.

Hello,

mate. How are you doing?

Very good to see you. Go and take your stuff in the hall there, yeah.

The rest of the party should be along in the next couple of hours, Ash Ridley.

If we could keep a weather eye open for them. Of course.

Yeah.

We will wait at your door, hoping like the blind...

will they keep you in?

Only a couple of days.

You have made a will, have you?

Bernard, I'm having a boil lanced. It's not a brain transplant.

Anesthetic can be funny stuff, you know. That's why they only use it when they

have to.

I'm only having a local one.

You know where that's going.

Well, I suppose it'll be all right.

Any road up, I'd better be off.

See you tomorrow.

Hopefully. Bernard, do you know, you've really cheered me up.

You should take up hospital visiting professionally.

Oh.

60 birds.

Excuse me a minute.

Goose are in a black catwalk.

Get rid of them with us.

What have you been up to then? Are you alive?

I'm all right.

I tell you, I'm going to be lucky today.

And he sleeps on the way.

And there's a little girl that comes by and

lights him up.

Quite a good eye.

Lord Ashfordly's gamekeeper.

And where's the rest of the shooting party?

Back up at the hall, pretty shaken up.

Right, Bellamy, get yourself over to the hall and make it clear nobody's to

leave until I've had a chance to talk to them. Right, Sarge. Lord.

A smoke bomb.

There was at least another half dozen spread around the area, wired to go off

simultaneously by someone who obviously knew what he was doing.

Right, sir. We have your address and telephone number if we need to get in

again. So does that mean I can go?

It does.

And about time, too, if you don't mind me saying so. We may be investigating an

attempted murder here, sir.

Well, I didn't shoot him.

Then you have nothing to worry about, have you?

Is that a laugh, Don?

Yes, Sarge.

So what do you think?

Well, I suppose any one of them could have had it in for Langley. Business is

business and pretty cutthroat at their sort of level, I'd imagine.

Come in.

Well, some good news anyway.

Yes? I just had Langley's wife on the phone.

Seems the wound isn't half as serious as it first looked. Just some pellets to

the shoulder. He should be out in a couple of days.

Well, thank heaven for that.

Now then, Mr Langley, how about a nice cup of tea?

Oh, yeah, lovely.

Can you make that two, nurse?

Sister? And how are you feeling, Mr Scripps?

Deeply relieved, now it's all behind me.

Yes, Mr Scripps.

Hello.

Vernon Scripps.

Feel free to call me Vernon, everyone else does.

Oliver Langley.

Ah, not from these parts, Oliver, by the accent.

No, no, I live in London, actually.

What are you up in Yorkshire for?

Business or pleasure?

Pleasure, principally.

Well, that was the idea.

Only, as you can see, it didn't quite work out like that.

Obviously not.

Oh, darling.

How are you?

Oh, come on, Sylvia.

Take more than an old shotgun to finish your Oliver off, eh?

That was my wife, Sylvia.

I gathered as much.

Very pleased to meet you, Mrs Langley.

Vernon Scripps.

Oh, yes.

About the incident this morning.

Oh, yeah?

Something's happened.

They might have a bearing.

Go on.

Involving Saul Arkwright.

The one whose dog Langley shot.

Flamingo Cause her hair Glows like the sun And her

eyes Can light the skies When she walks

She moves so fine Like a flamingo Crimson

dreads That cling so tight She's out of reach And out of sight

So you're by way of being in business for yourself, then, Oliver?

Well, yeah, investment, mostly.

Down in London?

No, we operate out of the Channel Islands, mostly.

Only I'm something of an entrepreneur myself, you know.

Really? Oh, yes.

In fact, my associate and I are on the point of setting up a potentially

lucrative deal at the moment.

Oh, yeah?

The tours of the Yorkshire Moors.

Or rather, the more inaccessible parts of it. Oh, I see.

If it works out, the plan is to cover the whole of the north of England.

Yeah, we must have a talk about it sometime, Vernon. Oh, all right, Ollie.

Ollie!

Pinky!

How are you, lovey? Oh, I survive.

Couple of days, I'll be as good as new and twice as frisky.

I drove over the minute to hear about it.

Whatever happened?

Yeah, will you tell me?

It was like El Alamein when those smoke bombs went off. Smoke bombs? Yeah,

that's right.

Oh, you poor thing. It sounds awful.

Oh,

Pinky Parky.

They broke the mould when they made her, I can tell you.

Not bad.

Right, well, I'll...

I'll leave you to it.

I'll wander down to the day room.

Yeah, thanks, Bernard.

Olly, olly, olly.

Constable.

Well, you can tell me about these, for starters.

Would you like to hand me over that shotgun, Mr Arkwright?

Before you get yourself into any more trouble.

Now, there you go again.

Giving me advice.

So where's me half -track now?

What's up with the house?

Well, who got it up there for you?

Well, I did.

I got the hang of it now.

There's nothing to it, really, if you, er, don't panic.

Well, just try and remember that next time you take it out.

So, er, when are you going home, then?

Well, tomorrow, supposedly.

But between you and me, I'm on the verge of getting all the financial backing we

need for our little project.

So I might have to delay my departure for a bit.

Right then, Mr. Arkwright, can you tell us what these smoke bombs were doing in

your shed?

Perhaps somebody planted them.

And why would anyone want to do that?

To set me up.

But you know what they are, even though you've never seen them before?

I was a commando once.

Which perhaps explains why these bombs were so expertly wired up.

Can I offer you some more of that advice you so obviously resent, Mr. Arkwright?

Feel free.

Don't make the mistake of thinking we're stupid.

All right, so I planted the bombs.

But he shot my dog.

And it was obvious you lot were going to do nothing about it.

All I wanted to do was to wreck the party planned for his posh London

I had nothing to do with the shooting.

Although you do possess a shotgun.

Well, everybody does in the country. So it was just a coincidence, was it?

That he happened to get shot the minute after these smoke bombs went off.

If I intended to shoot him, I wouldn't have winged him.

Bye -bye. See you. Brave soldier.

My little bit on the side.

When I'm up north, anyway.

Only, er... Not a word to the wife, eh?

Have you charged him, then?

Kept him in overnight for further questioning.

Open and shut case, it seems to me.

Really, you think so?

Well, don't you?

It's all a bit too elaborate somehow, Oscar. I mean, why smoke bombs?

If you're going to shoot someone, you want a clear line of fire.

But if you want to make it look like a hunting accident, Well, if that was the

idea, why volunteer to be a beater? Beaters don't carry guns.

Much better, surely, to keep a low profile and take him out from some place

concealment. That's true. Never thought of that.

I must be slipping.

So how much has this trip gone to cost us, then?

Oh, it's not going to cost you anything.

It's like what they call a dry run, just to, like, advertise the service.

And where would you take us in it?

Well, just round the moors.

Well, as long as you're sure you can drive the thing, David, you're not going

go demolishing any more phone boxes.

How about it, then?

Go on, then. Yeah.

I just don't feel right in meself, like.

Could be a bit of a reaction.

Although I wouldn't have thought that was likely, to be honest.

We'll take a couple of blood tests, see what they turn up.

Thank you.

Mind you, it will mean keeping you in an extra night, I'm afraid.

Oh, well, into every life.

Now then, Ollie, as I was saying about this tourism scheme of mine... Oh, that,

yeah, yeah.

We'll be right back.

This confrontation you had with Mr Arkwright before the shoot began, Mr

what did he say?

I just told him to clear off.

Why exactly did you do that, Reid? I mean, since you took him on as a beater

the first place. On Mr Langley's orders, my lord.

They'd already had the run -in with the dog Mr Langley shot, and he told me he

didn't want him anywhere near the place.

And did he clear off?

The last I saw of him, before the smoke bombs went off, he was heading for those

trees over there.

And did he have any kind of firearm in his hands?

If he did, I didn't see it.

Which means unless he moved like lightning, there's simply no way he

got to the right -hand side of Mr. Langley before the shot was fired and

shot off. I suppose not, no.

Yet Mr. Langley took the hit in his right shoulder. Right.

So who was standing to the right -hand side of Mr. Langley when this incident

occurred?

Well, now you come to mention it.

Good Lord.

We didn't think they could do nothing!

Watch for the dry run, eh?

David!

So, Ollie, what do you reckon, then?

I'm sorry?

About coming in with us.

Well, you don't seriously think I'd be interested in putting money into a

crackbrain scheme like that, do you?

I mean, see the moose from the back of a tank.

I don't think I've ever heard anything more ridiculous in me whole life.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

There you are, you naughty boy.

Thank you.

Here,

you wouldn't fancy taking a quick stroll down to day room, would you, Vern?

As a matter of fact, I wouldn't, actually.

Oh.

In fact, I'm very happy where I am. Thanks very much.

Why don't we go down to the dairy room, Ollie? Yeah.

Yeah, why don't we, eh?

Oh, yeah.

You know, Ollie, hurt him.

No. Yeah.

You need to be fit and well. Oh, I know. I'll be all right. I'll be fine.

Don't worry. Are you sure? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good.

So where's Mrs. Langley at the moment, my lord?

Gone to hospital to visit her husband, apparently. Right, I'd better get there.

I don't suppose you would happen to know where my husband might be at this

moment, would you?

Well, Mrs Langley, you could just try the day room.

Where is that?

Just at the end of the corridor on the right.

Right.

My blood.

That's all right, that's all right.

Do it.

What do you mean, who's this?

I know exactly who you are. You look as common as you sound.

I can explain. Get off his lap.

Get off my lap. What?

Postable, please. Quickly.

I know you are, you topical bitch.

Ladies,

ladies, ladies, please.

You who shot your husband, wasn't it, Mrs Langley?

And why on earth should I want to shoot my own husband?

How about serial adultery?

Or was that fight you had in the hospital because you and his female

didn't like the colour of each other's lipstick?

That slut.

She wasn't the first, you know.

Or the hundredth first.

I went to him and I didn't have to reopen. I had to speak to him at the

Boy, you have to understand, Sergeant, I only did what I did.

For love of that man, this was a crime past your now.

Quite possibly, Mrs. Langley. Unfortunately for you, though, this

Yorkshire and not Montmartre.

But you just wait till I get him in court.

I'll take him for every rotten bob he's got.

Yes, and I can think of one or two Sunday newspapers who might be very

interested in hearing how he made his billions in the first place.

Is that so, Mrs. Langley?

You all right, then?

Oh, Harry.

Now then, David, how's my half -track?

Ah, yes, well, I'll be in a minute to tell you about that.

Hey, caught you in the act.

Only on medical advice.

Medical advice?

My dentist was appalled when he heard I'd been eating boiled sweet.

You promised Mrs V you'd give up smoking, which I did.

Oh. But I never promised I wouldn't start again.

Mark Twain gave up regularly.

On an average of once a day, he reckoned. No fish.

By the way, I thought you said he wouldn't come in here.

Well, I suggested he might drop in. Somebody wanted to see him.

Who? Ah.

The gardener's dog had a litter a while ago and... Yeah, I had a word with him.

I thought you might like one.