Original subtitles

RV, why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

RV, why does a love kiss stay in my memory?

We've got to get together sooner or later.

Because the revolution's here.

And you know it's fine.

I'd better get going.

It looks like I'm going to have to call into the office before I catch my train

to London.

What's so urgent?

It's a letter from Claude.

Greengrove?

Aiden to the police.

Yes, Sarge.

Yes, yes, I know it.

Right, Sarge.

Burglary in the village last night.

So, when will you be back?

You tell me.

You know how it is with trials.

Well, in that case, I'll see you when I see you then.

I miss you very much.

I'll call you again, Mike.

Awesome, Mr Greengrass.

Hi.

What do you have to say?

Wish you were here.

By looking out that window, I certainly do.

Oh, no, he's selling the house.

He's what?

Well, where are we going to live?

Oh, I'll go back to my mum's.

I thought he told you you could have this to the end of your natural.

Well, yeah, he did, but now he said...

But he needs the money to buy a place of his own over there.

Oh, thanks, Claude.

I hope his lilo bursts in the path of a hungry crocodile.

Hey, now, you shouldn't say things like that.

I mean, what happens if something like that actually happened to him?

Well, the crocodile wouldn't shed any tears, would he?

Here, Alfred.

Toys soldiers, Bradley.

Four boxes, Sarge.

What would any self -respecting burglar want with a few boxes of soldiers?

In this case, one who knew what they were worth.

It seems they were collected items worth at least 300 quid.

I see.

All the signs are that this was our old friend again.

No sign of forced entry? Nothing. Just like on the other three jobs.

Terrific.

old in our front garden without so much as a buy -your -leave. I've got a buy

-your -leave.

Not from us, you haven't. I don't need one from you.

I've been instructed to sell this property.

And the reason I'm dibbling this all is to stick this in it.

Oh, well, as long as you know where you can stick it.

Any road, what makes you think anyone in their right mind's going to pay good

money for this dump?

Properties like that are becoming very attractive.

In fact, we already have at least two potential purchasers wanting to visit.

Perhaps three.

Insanity's that widespread in these parts, is it? So I trust when they

you won't mind showing them round?

Oh, we'll be very happy to, won't we, Mr. Vernon?

Ecstatic. My name's Foy, by the way.

Ned Foy.

Still no sign of this blasted fog lifting, then?

I'm afraid not.

As long as it doesn't defamate our gates, that's all.

I shouldn't worry about that, Your Lordship.

That's right, it's not every day we get a chance to play chess against a future

world champion.

This is a great man, then, is it?

Hardly more than a boy, actually.

Well, I suppose genius makes its own rules about that sort of thing. I just

that this particular genius doesn't find himself stuck in the fog halfway

between here and London tomorrow.

That's all.

Anyway, Sergeant, let me show you why I've asked you to call around.

exhibition we're running alongside the main event.

Each of these sets is a genuine collector's item, so they're worth a bob

In fact, in some cases, more than a bob or two. I'm sure.

So a police presence during the tournament would be greatly appreciated.

And will be provided, my lord. Thank you.

Ashfordly, Miss Young.

And as bad up here, I'm afraid, but we will still be seeing young Leonid

tomorrow, I hope.

I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear you say that.

Excellent. Well, we'll see you both tomorrow, then, and safe journey.

Brodin's English press agent who assures me that come hell or high water, he's

determined to be with us tomorrow.

That's good spirit, eh, my lord?

What a way to spend an evening.

Staying here, freezing to death, babysitting a load of chess sets.

Is this really why you're on the police force, then?

Well, it could be worse.

How?

Well, it could be outside, freezing to death.

You don't think we should have a bit of a walk round, then?

Well, it just got warm.

I used to enjoy a game of chess myself when I was a lad.

Ah, well.

They reckon the gang goes back in the midst of history, don't they?

Very comical, I'm sure.

The only indoor game I was any good at was spin the bottle.

I bet you're off to that as well.

Not always.

What's that?

I don't know.

You'd better go and have a look.

Don't you think we should both go?

Do you think he's real?

Yes, sir. Lord Ashfordly has spoken to me.

No, I can't imagine how it could have happened, not with my men right there on

the spot.

Although it was very foggy there last night.

No excuse at all, no, sir.

Right, sir.

Goodbye, sir.

You two, my office, now.

Hello. Yes, I'd like to speak to Mrs. Bradley, please.

She's not.

Oh, um... Well, could I leave a message, please?

Oh, it does seem a bit rough on you, though, Vernon.

Claude goes down on the place on you like that after he promised David.

Well, if you lie down with dogs, you get fleas, don't you?

Which I'm sure is something you've discovered already, living in

place. Not to mention bedbugs and other sundry livestock, I expect.

So what will you do then, Vernon?

Oh, don't worry, Gina. I have my plans.

Oh? What sort of plans are they, then?

Well, one of the secrets of my success as a businessman has always been the

Scripps family ability to turn adversity into opportunity.

Oh, yeah.

And what sort of business have you been so successful in, then?

Gina, you are looking at a man who has had successful fingers in many a dozen

pies over the years.

Hmm. I can believe that.

Now, Gina, I'm off. Anybody want me? I'm with Lord Ashfordly.

Ooh!

Any dry yet, Bradley?

It's almost certainly the burglar that carried out several other similar raids

in the area.

How would you know that?

No sign of a forced break -in. It's almost as if he's just walked in, helped

himself, and then walked back out again.

That's ridiculous. This place was locked tighter than a drum last night.

As were all the other premises he's broken into, my lord.

Thank you, Bradley.

My lord.

My dear Veroden, you made it. Congratulations.

Charles Asher. If I say I come, my lord, I come.

I'm Anna Young, handling publicity.

Miss Young? This is Mr. Fitchin and Mr. Zykov from the Russian Embassy.

Pleasure to meet you. And you, Mr. Fitchin?

And you, Mr. Zykov?

Right, well, come on in. Come.

Just up here.

Now, Leonid.

We put you in this room here.

And, Miss Young, we put you in here.

Thank you.

Gentlemen, if you'll come with me, please.

Okay. So far, it's so good.

See you later.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Mr. Foy.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'll be all right.

But, Mr.

Vernon, he's not here at the moment.

Well, I can show him around if you like.

Oh, right, yeah.

Right.

Right. So, Mr.

and Mrs. Tomlinson at half past three.

No, I've just, uh... Right.

Right, I... Hello.

Because I know there's so many better girls than you.

I've been in this situation once before, and it is quite easy. Four moves, and

we will... He will four moves, and we will make it.

So I make more than that.

What are you two getting at? I thought you were on last night.

We were.

Mrs Ventress is hardly speaking to me.

That's not all bad news, then.

Just keep an eye on me. If you see me drop off, just prop me up against the

nearest wall.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think we're about ready to begin.

As you know, we are honoured indeed today to have with us Leonid Borodin,

from his recent triumph in London.

So if we could start by giving him a warm Yorkshire welcome.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, as you know, the highlight of today's tournament is

when nine of you take on young Leonid here simultaneously.

So those of you who've been unwise enough to have accepted this challenge,

you care to take your places, we'll commence.

Do you play chess?

In my younger days, I was known as a tiger at the chessboard.

A tiger, eh?

Burning bright.

Good luck.

You'll need it, I think.

Hello, Arthur.

How's the painting and decorating business going? It's all right, Mr

Look, Jackie was very pleased with the work you did on our bedroom.

Not as pleased as I was with the one he did on my garden room.

Thank you, my lord. That's very kind of you.

We can't induce you to have a go at our Mr Bradley.

Not me, my lord.

Our Alan here, he's the one with the brains in our family.

I can't think what he's doing, wasting his time working for me. He should be

down Cambridge, studying to be a rocket scientist or something.

Bradley.

No further news about my missing chess set, I suppose?

Afraid not, Lord.

Well, thank heavens they missed the Indian one. That really is valuable.

Hello.

It's called Fool's Mate.

Very funny.

It's standing in a much sought -after spot.

Hello, Mr Vernon.

This is Mr and Mrs Tom Linson.

They've come to view the house.

Oh, do?

Oh, right.

I've just been telling how it's, like, full of history and that.

Oh, it's certainly that.

And having an elevator.

Eh? I think what my friend is trying to say, it's in an elevated position with

commanding views of the surrounding countryside.

Well, thanks very much. I think we've seen all we need to, really.

Oh, right.

Well, David, why don't you get a brew going and I'll show Mr and Mrs Tomlinson

off the premises.

All right.

Now, do be careful backing up.

Only we lost an entire horse and cart and all hands only three months ago back

there. Really? Oh, yes, it's the pits, you see.

The pits?

Oh, yes, it's like a rabbit warren up there.

Not that the coal board would admit to it, of course.

I see.

Get in the car.

I think we call that a draw, don't you?

You understand what I just said? I think so.

What did he say? He said that I had a real talent. I don't wonder I could be a

champion myself.

Well, there's definitely nobody hiding under there.

Still showing no signs of lifting.

Just hope it doesn't interfere with our plans, that's all. Don't worry about it.

The minute we get to Edinburgh, we can make our move. There's not a thing they

can do about it. Yeah, I hope you're right.

Come on.

And you're quite sure this is part of the set that was stolen the other night?

Positive.

So where did you find it?

Right here, in the middle of my desk, when I came in this morning.

Along with this.

What did this note say, exactly?

Well, basically, it was a ransom note. He wants 300 quid for the safe return of

the chess set.

What if Lord Ashford is not prepared to cop up?

Well, bye -bye chess set, I suppose.

Whoever left that piece on his desk must have been at the tournament yesterday.

Yes, well, so was half the population of Aidensfield.

What did his lordship think?

Well, he's prepared to cough up, Sarge.

And exactly when is this exchange to be made?

Well, according to the note, he'll be ringing Lord Ashfordly sometime this

afternoon. Right.

I want immediate arrangements for all incoming calls to Ashfordly Hall to be

recorded. See to it, will you, Bradley?

Right up.

Mr Brown, here to view the property.

All right, yeah.

Come in.

Morning.

Hello.

Right, so this is the kitchen.

Which, as you can see, also doubles as the living room.

Not exactly straight out of the pages of Ideal Home, but...

We like it, don't we, David?

Oh, yes.

And as for the problem with the sink over here, I'm sure that can be fixed.

Problem with the sink?

It tends to back up from the septic tank.

Only when it rains, usually.

Let me show you round the upper level.

Don't worry about the creaks.

We have it on good authority that the dry rot is, in fact, treatable.

Now, this is the master bedroom.

It is a bit stuffy in here. I'll open the window, shall I?

What's that dreadful smell?

I think it's what they call the ripe smell of the country, Mrs Brown.

But where's it coming from?

Charlie Dibner's piggeries.

Just over the hill there.

Piggeries? Yes, but of course you can't see them with all this fog around.

And of course it doesn't smell all the time.

Only when the wind's in the right direction.

Now, is there anything else I can show you? Or would you rather wander round

yourselves? I think we've seen quite enough.

Oh, do you think we impressed them?

I think we made a very deep impression of ourselves, David.

Oh,

dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. I wonder who left that there.

Get it shifted, will you, David?

What's happening, please?

I was just explaining that we can't get to Edinburgh in this.

Therefore, we have gratefully accepted Lord Ashfordly's invitation to stay on

for a further night.

But you'll miss your plane.

All planes from Edinburgh are grounded.

I understand your eagerness to get home, Leonard.

But what matters most is getting you back there safely.

After all, you have become something of a national treasure.

Hello?

Speaking.

I know it, yes.

Thank you, my lord.

Your road trip will presumably be available to make the drop as requested.

can leave the rest of it to us.

I'll show you the main bedroom.

Although between you and me, we tend to refer to it these days as the haunted

bedroom. The haunted bedroom? On account there have been some very funny things

happening here lately.

What sort of funny things?

Creakings in the night, you know.

It's as if somebody was creeping around the bed towards you.

Only when you pull the light on, there's nobody there.

Well, nobody you can see.

Really? Of course, I haven't experienced the phenomenon myself.

But David downstairs, he reckons he's seen the ghost many times.

Oh. Yes, great big air he think it is.

comes shambling through from that wall and goes out here.

Of course, David won't sleep in this room now. And the dog won't come near.

Whose ghost do you think it might be?

A former owner of the property whose deathbed wish was to be buried here.

Well, out there in the back garden.

And was he?

Oh, no.

Which is probably why he lies uneasy in his grave.

Probably why he keeps coming back here.

Can I ask you something?

Feel free, David.

Feel free.

What's going on?

What do you mean?

Well, don't you think it's going to be putting folk off, all this talk of,

dry rot and ghosts and septic tanks?

David, why do you think people like that want to buy places like this as second

homes?

Because back... home in the city, they've got all the mod cons.

So out here, they want something completely different.

They want to feel that they're really here, in the heart of primitive

Oh, I never really thought about it like that.

Oh, well, that's what separates us successful entrepreneurs from the rest

herd, that lateral thinking.

I'll tell you something.

It wouldn't surprise me if those three couples are not at this very moment down

at the estate agents, scratching each other's eyes out to get their hands on

this place.

All right.

Privyet. Privyet, my dear.

Privyet. Privyet.

Dear.

Well? Troller ready for Whitby.

Let's go. No.

We don't want diplomatic.

It's more difficult.

Tomorrow.

I told him that we're going to Edinburgh, and we're going to the sea.

I hope he likes sports.

A day.

Local tramp, Sarge.

So what did the second note say?

That the price had gone up to £1 ,000 for the safe return of both sets, Sarge.

Cheeky devil.

How could he possibly know we'd been alerted?

Well, he might have spotted us lying in wait, Sarge, but I'd have said it was

more likely that he'd anticipated a man such as Lord Ashfordly would

automatically call the police and laid his plans accordingly.

But it does confirm that not only was the burglar at the tournament that day,

but very close to us when Lord Ashfordly mentioned the very valuable set.

That's probably what prompted him to go back for it, Sarge.

Well, it doesn't bring the odds down that much, Bradley.

From what you say, the place was pretty crowded.

So how's his lordship taking the latest developments?

Well, I wouldn't say we're exactly at the top of his personal hip rate, Sarge.

Craddock?

Morning, sir. Thank you, Bradley.

Well, we didn't actually have the house under surveillance at the time.

Because all my available men were engaged in other duties.

No, sir.

Yes. Right, sir.

Goodbye, sir.

Ah, Miss Yacht.

The very person. Oh, yes?

As you can see, the fog has cleared at last.

And we can be on our way.

You can make your own way back to London, presumably.

There'll be quite a lot still to do up in Edinburgh, Mr. Sitchin.

In view of the delay, when we get to Edinburgh, we shall have to cancel our

remaining engagements and return immediately to Moscow.

Therefore, we shall no longer be requiring your services.

Right.

Slowly, Ahmed.

We depart after lunch.

All right.

No cause for alarm.

You go with them to Edinburgh.

Everything's in place. I'll just have to let my friends know that I won't be

with you, that's all.

Okay. Six different properties.

And in each case, he just walked in without forcing either a window or a

mean, it's almost as if he has the keys.

Maybe he has. How could he, Oscar?

All the houses that have been done are all completely unrelated.

I still go along with Sherlock Holmes.

How do you mean?

When you've ruled out every other possibility, whatever you're left with,

however improbable, that will be the truth of it.

Pink on.

Yeah.

Oh, Mr. Foy, is your friend in?

No, he's inside. Why?

May I have a word?

You can have as many as you like.

What's going on?

I'm sorry?

The area is suddenly ripe with rumours that this place is practically falling

down. I wonder where they got that impression from. That can make an

guess. Now look, Mr Foy.

I am not bound by the estate agent's code which entitles me to lie through my

teeth about a property, you know. How dare you! I've never lied about a

in my life. And what's all this rubbish about the place being haunted by a

ghost? Who told you that?

The same people you told.

Oh, stop getting your knickers in a twist.

I've got a buyer for you.

You are?

Well, if the price is right.

I'm taking account of the fact that half of Aidensfield is already convinced

that this place is suffering from everything from rising damp to dry rot,

mention mildew, mining subsidence and a resident ghost.

Hello? Hello.

Can I speak to Leonard Verroden, please?

He's a friend.

Hold the line, please.

Hello?

Yes?

Tomorrow I'm going to visit Hiboy, Damoy, Moriam and Edinburgh.

Who are you?

Luke.

That certainly sounds like him. You don't speak Russian, do you?

No. You?

Afraid not.

But I do know somebody who does.

Do you know who it was?

He was obviously English.

I think we should go now.

Yes. I'll get my things together and organise a car.

What were they talking about?

Well, basically, this bloke's going and leaning about the men he's with, telling

him that they're on to him and that they're taking him home by sea.

Right. Thanks, Alan.

Who is this bloke?

Well, you tell me.

Yeah, well, first thing.

Gato?

Pожалуйста, товарищ. Ну, давай.

Давай, товарищ.

Mr.

Verona, could we have a word, please?

There isn't time. We have a plane to catch.

Are you sure it is a plane, sir? Not a trawler?

This way, please, Mr. Verona.

So, Mr. Brodin, our information is that you'll be enforced to leave the country

against your will.

Also, that you might be wishing to seek political asylum here.

Yes, I want to stay here in England.

We had arranged to give my countrymen the sleep in Edinburgh, but it seems

have learned of our plans.

Oh, well, Mr. Brodin, I don't think there's any need to go that far afield

gain your freedom.

Not here in Britain, anyway.

I presume we have you to thank for this, Miss Young.

I was glad to help him. I've got nothing to say to you. Then if you'd kindly

apply just by screaming a little, Miss Young.

Just a little.

So that you can lure Leonid out there.

Sorry. So am I, Miss Young.

So am I.

Anna!

Anna!

Anna! Anna!

Anna!

Anna!

Would this be what you're looking for, sir?

I believe it's known in the trade as discovered check.

So, Mr. Farodan, would I be right in assuming you still wish to apply for

political asylum here?

Yes. In that case, I will ask you to accompany one of my officers to the

station, where we'll contact the authorities and set the ball rolling.

Thank you.

This is an outrage.

So it's kidnapping, Mr. Citron, in this country.

I strongly advise you to get on to your embassy as soon as possible so they can

start arranging some sort of legal representation for you. It goes without

saying, we shall, of course, be claiming full diplomatic immunity.

Oh, I'm sure you will, sir.

In the meantime, you are required to accompany my officers down to the

and you will, of course, remain in custody until I am advised to the

You will be sorry for this.

Quite possibly, sir.

But not half as sorry as I would have been if you and your bully boy here had

been allowed to get away with it.

Hello, Alan.

Look, I just wanted to thank you for all your help yesterday.

That's all right. Not to mention, of course, the tip -off.

The tip -off?

Well, yeah, I'd be interested to hear how you found out what they were up to.

Who? Well, the Russians, of course.

It was you who made the phone call.

And the one the day before to Lord Ashfordly demanding money for the return

the cheque then.

What? Don't look at me, Dad. I don't know what he's on about.

I think you'd better explain yourself, Constable.

In recent months, we've had a number of burglaries locally. In each case, the

thief has just walked in there as if he'd got key to the premises.

Go on.

Well, I've got a list here of all the houses that have been done in that way

over the past six months.

So what are you suggesting?

Ring any bells, do they?

Yeah, but I've never stolen anything from any of them. I'm not suggesting you

had, Arthur. After all, it was at least six months after you'd finished that

each of the premises had been burgled. Then why on earth come on to us about

Because presumably, while you were working out those premises, somebody

the key, copied it, and then waited a couple of months before using it.

A very clever idea, wouldn't you say, Arthur?

Right, Alan?

Brilliant, I'd say.

But that doesn't mean that had anything to do with us.

There is just one other thing. We have reason to believe that the burglar is a

fan of Leonid Vorodin, and that he was at the tournament that day, and that he

speaks Russian.

You still can't prove that it were me. I think I might just be able to.

If I'm allowed to search these premises, starting with your bedroom.

No. Well, I could always get her to search for it.

What's the problem, Alan, if you've nothing to hide?

It's this way, Constable. Don't bother.

It's all up there.

Look, I just want to say, my dad had nothing to do with any of this, all

Why, Alan? I've never let you go short of anything.

It was just a game, Dad.

Half the stuff I don't even want.

It's just a game, that's all.

Until you got too greedy.

Or was it just overconfident?

So the octal over there, Mike?

Yeah, along with the Russian ambassador, special branch in heaven knows who

asked. Well, I hate to think of some chinless wonder from the Foreign Office

suddenly decide to send that lad back, not after all this.

Without the national press onto the story, I hardly think so.

Hey, here they are.

Hello.

We wanted to say goodbye and thank you for what you did.

Oh, no, the pleasure's all mine.

So, what's happening, then? We'll have to go back to London, sort out the

details, but that shouldn't take long.

We'd better go.

Well, thanks again.

Thank you. Good luck, Leonid. Good luck.

Good luck.

Good luck to you.

Hey, steady, steady, steady.

Oh, three.

Ta -ra.

You know, there's just one thing I don't quite understand.

What's that, Oscar?

Why a young Alan would tip you off like that?

Oh, there's no great mystery there, Oscar. A simple case of pirouette.

Pirouette? Yeah, he didn't want to stand around doing nothing, I suppose.

He was a fan.

So what shall we drink to, then?

Rusted the Iron Curtain?

No. What about...

Sherlock Holmes?

You couldn't have done it without him.

My Ferrari!

What's what?

Mr. Lerner, what are you doing?

Mr. Floyd's not like that.

Mr. Floyd can lump it.

And besides, David, it's surplus to requirements.

Why is Mr. Greengrass not selling the place after all? I mean, Mr.

Greengrass has already sold.

All right, who to?

You're looking at him.

What, you?

And I got it at a bargain price.

Do you know, it's funny how everybody suddenly lost interest in the place.

How are you going to pay for it? I thought you said you were skint.

Oh, no problem there, David. I've got a mortgage on it.

The problem is how I'm going to break the news to Bernard.

What?

That I've put up his business as collateral.

Oh, well.

As my old mum used to say when she was rifling the gas meter, sufficient unto

the day is evil thereof.

Whatever that means.

What do you miss when my baby kisses me?

Heartbeat What does a love kiss say in my memory?