Original subtitles

Heartbeat, why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

Heartbeat, why does a love kiss stay in my memory?

This is all most unfortunate.

An important royal visit, everything approved by the Chief Constable.

Don't worry, Your Lordship. I'm sure script security can offer a far better

service. You realise the Prince is a white Russian and is such in constant

danger from political enemies?

No problem, sir. When I was running our Manchester operation, we were used to

coping with that sort of thing. That's it.

And now I'm expanding into Europe, we're dealing with it all the time.

Right. Well, he'll need 24 -hour cover. Oh, naturally.

And your very best man.

Absolutely. Which is why I'm planning on going right to the top and doing the

job myself.

Nothing like the boss stepping in when it really matters, eh?

Of course, it will mean a slightly higher fee.

Mr. Scripps, as you haven't shown me any references, I think we'll sort out peas

at the end, don't you?

When I've seen the quality of your work?

Yes, but I thought maybe a slight advance... I'll expect you first thing

tomorrow morning, and Scripps, the utmost discretion, the utmost vigilance.

Off you go, then.

Does it look all right?

Oh, wow.

Oh, come on, it looks great.

They're not getting here till tomorrow afternoon, so you don't have to take

off work.

Mike, I've got a million things to do.

Oh, come on.

Look, I'm not used to all of this, and I'm nervous.

It's your need, not mine. Look, there's no need to be nervous.

She's a lovely girl and I'm sure a friend is too, okay?

Okay.

Ask for the police.

One moment, sir.

It's the chief constable, Sarge.

What does he want?

I only employed you, Spritz, because the local police have been so unhelpful.

You'd better not make a pig's ear of it.

Don't you worry, your lordship. You have my complete confidence.

He's coming.

It's a line. Come on.

Here we are.

Welcome, Your Highness.

Ah, you're Nicholas. May I present Vernon Scripps, your bodyguard. Top man

a first -rate local security firm. At your service, Prince Nikolai.

Ah,

rest assured the local police will be here shortly.

How about a drink? Fancy a port?

Splendid, actually.

Let's drink for the weekend.

Right.

Prince Nicholas of Livonia, apparently.

I thought it had been clearly arranged.

It may well have been your lordship, but I've only just found out about it.

Well, it was highly embarrassing.

We promised the prince the tightest security there wasn't a policeman in

I'm sorry.

From now on, I want a man on the gate at all times and a man on patrol around

the estate.

Certainly, my lord.

He's a nervous man, Craddock, and with good reason.

There have been assassination attempts.

I'm sure we can keep the assassins at bay, your lordship.

Good.

Which way?

Yeah, up here and down the right.

Hey, up. We'll be in watch.

Nope.

Orgies are behind you.

Lovely day, eh?

Hi, Tricia. You settling in all right? Yeah. The surgery's looking great.

have to come and see.

I can't. I've got Mike's niece and her friend arriving in a moment. I've just

bought half the butcher shop.

Good grief. How long this day is? For the weekend.

Here to do a school nature project.

I've got to go. I'll see you later. Bye.

Bye -bye, Emma. Go on. All right.

Don't worry. They're only kids. They won't bite.

Well, did you hear they were?

Pull!

Pull!

Pull!

Pull! Pull!

Two men, sir.

Over there, under the trees.

Right, uh... Um...

Get Prince Nicholas back to the house now, quickly.

But shouldn't we stick together, sir? It'd be ridiculous, Scripps. Get him

to the house now. And call the police. Tell them we've got intruders.

with me!

Come on!

Just get everything to enjoy myself.

The thing is, I can't pick you up because of this Lord Ashfordly thing.

By the time I get off gate duty, get to the station, get changed... Phil, it's

all right.

I can drive myself in.

No. No.

I thought you were having your car serviced.

Yeah, I am, but it'll be ready by then, silly.

Yeah, but I don't want you to drive. It's supposed to be my treat. Oh, Phil,

you're so smooth.

Gina, customers.

Look, just tell me where to be and I'll be there.

I really don't mind driving myself to Whitby.

OK. Well, I'll see you later, then.

What can I get you? Quite a bit of things.

Ta -ra.

Big, rough -looking characters heading for the woods, going like the clappers.

Right, well, we'll go and take a look around.

Meanwhile, I suggest the prince goes inside the house and stays there, just

case. See to it, Scrip.

Come along, sir.

Really necessary.

I don't like it, Craddock. I don't like it at all.

I want these men found.

Right. Bradley, that way. Ventress, you come with me.

Stay indoors?

It's outrageous.

Well, it's for your own safety, sir. I came down here for a country weekend to

get out and about.

Sir, I'm sure you did, but not to be stuck in a toughy old hole with people

Ashford, did it? Poor me.

I want some fun.

Well, you've got your dance tomorrow. That should be fun.

The older tops letting their hair down.

The prison company accepted, of course. Of course.

But I mean proper fun.

You could take me out, Scripps.

After dinner, we could slip away, go to an English pub and meet some real

people. Oh, I don't think so, sir.

I'll say I'm tired and go out to my room early. You're going to get me into

trouble, you are. I'm going to try.

I'm looking for a needle in a haystack, Sarge. I doubt there was anyone in the

first place. It's just Vernon's vivid imagination. Lord Ashfordly's. The man's

in a complete panic.

All this stupid talk about assassinations and intruders. So what do

Leave it.

You can get back on the gate. You and I, let's go back to Ashfordly and get on

with some proper police work.

Yes, Sarge.

Hello, David.

That looks smart.

Oh, thank you.

Would you like to see inside?

Great.

Hi. Hasn't he done a good job?

Oh, it wasn't just me, Dr Somerby.

Oh, it looks great, Theresa.

What an improvement.

What's all this?

All right, these are all presents for the doctor.

I mean, everyone's been coming round. The trouble is they've all got something

wrong with them, even David.

I've been telling the doctor about me and her bad dreams.

They've been waking me up at night and I can't go back to sleep again.

You'll be fine, David. Do you want to come through?

Great. I'll see you, David.

So, how's it going?

Oh, don't ask.

It can't be that bad. It is.

I'm no good at it.

I'm sure you are.

Oh, no, please, not another cake.

Mr. Blayton.

Trish. Oh, a bottle of sherry.

That's lovely.

I realise you're not officially opened yet, but I was wondering if you've got

some time.

Tuck in.

Um, we're vegetarian.

Keep it over the weekend?

Yes. But you want it tomorrow.

Yes, but I don't want to have it.

Why?

Well, don't worry about the why.

I want to give her a surprise, that's all.

Why? What surprise?

All I'm saying is I don't want her to drive.

I want her to be driven.

By me?

Exactly.

And I've got to say, her car's not ready.

Yes.

That's a lie.

Bernie.

Just wait.

Well, that was a roaring success.

Oh, come on. We weren't to know they were vegetarians.

They're just a couple of kids. You'll see. This time tomorrow, it'll all be

fine.

Um, we're going out.

Sorry? A walk.

A walk? What?

Well, that's a great idea.

Yeah. Mike and I can show you around the village. No. No, it'll be all right.

Well... Well, don't be long.

Call me Mellow Yellow.

Call me Mellow Yellow.

Call me Mellow Yellow.

I love that one.

Oh, hang on, Lou. We'd better watch the time.

Oh, it's early, Anne. Come on. Get off, Tim.

You don't know my auntie Jackie.

She thinks we're about six.

Where does she think you are at the moment?

Dunno. Dunno. Biology project, I expect.

In the dark.

Where are the girls?

I'd better go and find them.

Well, I think you better.

How delicious that looks.

Oh, could you fill these up, please, my dear?

Steady.

Oh, don't be a killjoy, Scribsey.

Well,

he certainly likes his drink.

Don't you think he's had enough?

Nonsense. Well, don't blame me when you wake up with a sore head.

Hey, I thought you were supposed to be playing bodyguard to some Russian

I am. Ah, looks like it. Why Lord Asherley would take on a bumbling

you beats me.

I mean, if a skilled job being a bodyguard, it's a job for a trained

officer.

Especially if it's royalty.

Where on earth have you been?

Mike and I've been worried sick. He's out looking for you.

I was just about to phone your parents.

Well, come on. I am waiting for an explanation.

Right. Well, I'm afraid that tomorrow night I'm going to have to insist that

both stay in.

I'm not having you wandering around Adenfield in the dark.

Anyone for a hot drink?

Stupid cow.

Does she think she is?

Don't you feel a change of coming from a bad man?

Why put her?

What the devil?

Sorry, my lord, I...

Goodness sake, be quiet. I do not want the prince disturbed.

Well, I think we've covered everything.

If there's anything else you need to know at all, just give me a call any

OK?

Thank you very much indeed.

It's on Monday week, then.

Nine o 'clock sharp.

Bye -bye.

What have you done, sir?

Did you fall on it?

Have you dropped something on it?

Tell me what you've done, sir.

I'm dying.

Oh, work.

What am I going to say to Lord Ashfordly?

The Chablis.

1945 Bordeaux.

And the Margaux.

Even though there are only half a dozen bottles left.

Never mind. It'll be worth it.

Thanks, my lord.

And the shatter again.

Prince's favourite.

Excuse me, sir.

What is it, Scripps?

We need a doctor.

Thank you.

No, I don't remember.

Anyway,

thank you.

You're just jealous.

Kiss you off. He's gorgeous.

He is, he's got lovely hands.

Oh yeah, where have they been?

Anyway,

what about you and Robert?

I saw you. Shut up!

It's too late to cancel the party.

It's too late to cancel the other guests.

I mean, you came especially for the Scottish dancing.

I'm sorry, sir. Being sorry is not enough, Scripps.

What's he done to his foot, for heaven's sake?

I don't know.

Well, he won't be doing the eightsome reel on it, will he?

No, sir.

You told me you ran a quality security operation. What do you do? You take him

to a pub.

I didn't take him, sir. He took himself.

Well, you should have stopped him. That's what I hired you for. To keep him

safe. Not get him so drunk and ill that I have to call the doctor.

Well?

It's gout, sir.

Gout? Aggravated by too much alcohol.

This is unbelievable.

You've given him gout?

Right. Get him to take these. With any luck, he'll be a bit better by tonight.

But keep him away from the drink.

But what about my party?

I've selected some of my very best wines. Not for the prince, I'm afraid.

fruit juice or water.

This is all your fault, Scripps. I hold you personally responsible.

In fact, you're fired.

Now get out!

Nonsense, Ashfordly. I wouldn't hear of it.

Scripps and I suit each other very well.

Your parents would never let me do something like this. No, neither would

They don't know. They think we're doing our biology project.

So how did you find this place?

Don't know.

Yes, you do, Tim. We found it on a school trip.

Yeah, and it seemed like a really groovy place for a party.

What are you on about?

We're not having a party.

We are.

Tonight. Yeah.

Come along if you like.

Yeah. Bring friends.

Great.

I could get you some dope if you like.

Okay. We did have some, but we ran out.

Putting it with you?

Yeah, great.

Hey, guess what?

Did someone speak?

Hopefully.

No, honestly, there's going to be a rave up on the moors tonight.

Oh, a rave up there, Kenny.

Yeah, it's going to be fun.

It's going to be lots of dope and drink some music and that.

Yeah. It is.

Where?

Near Aidensfield.

I've come to pick the car up.

Gina.

Oh, dear. I'm afraid it's not ready.

Not ready?

Well, not safe to drive.

Why? Well, the rear brakes aren't working properly.

And I can't get the spare parts till Monday.

Beanie, I need the car tonight.

It's all right. I'll take you.

What? I'll take you to Whitby. I've spoken to Phil.

Don't worry, it's all fixed up. I'll pick you up just after seven.

All right.

Well, it'll have to be, won't it?

Are you going away with no word of power?

Will there be not a trace left behind?

I could have loved you better.

Didn't mean to be unkind.

You know that worth a lot if I'm around now.

You've got reasons of plenty for good.

Definitely.

Yeah, have a nice party.

Oh,

I wouldn't have said you have to travel to broaden the mind. It rather depends

what kind of broadening you're after.

I thought I might find you here. Scripps, Sempia, Spoilsport, have a

We've got to get back, sir. Oh, come on. The guests are arriving.

Lord Ashfordly's in a flat spin.

And you know what the doctor said?

It doesn't hurt at all now.

Just one.

No! I test it.

Oh, Prince Nicholas, please.

Ashfordly, you'll string me up.

a game of Monopoly? Oh, we can't.

Now, girls, you're not going out. That's been decided.

We know, but... We're really tired.

Okay, well, let's just all watch television.

Great idea.

Look, I know we've missed Doctor Who, but... We'd prefer to go to our room.

Oh, but... No, no, fine, fine. You go and do whatever you want.

told you. They just don't want to be with us. You know, I think you're right.

I am never, never, never having children.

And especially not teenagers.

Think of the money, Bernard.

Think of the tips.

I can't, Bernard.

I promised Bill I'd take Gina to Whitby.

Well, David can take her.

Well, in the truck, yes.

Look, I'm going to have to leave it with you.

I've got to get the prince back to the party.

Wish me luck, Sarge.

You'll be fine.

She's a lucky girl.

It's a total sell -out.

The working man has been totally let down.

Yeah, well, there's got to be a revolution.

Of course there is.

Oi!

Feet off the table, please.

Aaron Wilson.

David, I've got a little job for you.

I've got to collect Lord Ashfordly's guests from the station.

So you've got to take Gina to Whitby.

For me?

Yes. What, in the truck? Yes.

The Abbey Ruins for eight o 'clock. Got it?

Whatever you do, don't tell her where you're going.

It's a surprise, apparently.

It's the dialectics.

The rise of the proletariat. And the withering away of the state.

All right, that's it. Get out.

Just get on your feet and get out of my pub now.

All of you.

Cheers, Grandad.

Come the glorious revolution, brother.

You'll be the first to go.

Long head, good for nothing layabouts.

Bring back national service, that's what I say.

Yes, there are.

Oh, great.

You do look lovely, Gina.

Yeah. Great start to a romantic evening.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What have we got here, then?

Well, that's where my dad works.

Yeah, yeah.

What's going on, though?

Do you know?

There's a party there.

There's a prince there or something. It's dead posh. Right, come on.

Interesting.

Kenny, is this it?

Excuse me?

You said this was a party.

Look, you can't just barge in, mate.

There's no booze, no music.

Is this some kind of joke?

No, it's not my fault. It was them. They said. We never said anything.

We just... Never mind what they said, Kenny.

Look, now we've got a problem.

And you're going to help us solve it. Come on.

Yeah. Come along, young Ken.

Come on, you lot.

Back to you, girls and boys.

I'm not meant to say it's supposed to be a surprise.

Right.

Ta -ra, David.

Bye.

How lovely to be here.

Wonderful. John, there he is. There he is.

I'll see that. Reid.

You sure he hasn't come down?

I don't think so, my lord.

Amelia, my dear.

Wonderful.

Nicholas, thank goodness.

Good evening.

Perhaps you might introduce me to this charming young lady.

Your Highness, may I present Lady Amelia Stanton.

just work.

In classes.

At play.

So you reckon we get in through the cellar then, can we?

Oh, yeah, but... Ownership is death, can you go on?

Come on.

Show us the way.

Just grab that lot, both of you.

Where are you going?

Just carry on.

I'm going to see what else they've got in here.

We don't need to take that much. Kenny, shut it and find a box and grab this,

fast.

Good evening, Your Highness.

Come on. Come on.

Come on, everybody.

Take a trip.

Low, downstream.

Magic pill.

And only a tenner a time. You want some?

Okay, right.

Now, I'll just give you these two for free.

There we go. More than one.

Take care.

Hey, gorgeous.

What would you like?

What you got? Everything.

Here you go.

Here you go.

Lovely. Not all at once, okay?

Yeah.

Louise?

Thank you.

Not now, Spence! What's that?

They must have been tired. Poor little things.

Not so little.

No.

Look, I'm sorry I've been such a pain.

You've been... No, you've been absolutely terrific.

I know you thought I was being hard on them, keeping them in.

But, well, girls of that age, they need to know their boundaries.

Quite right, too.

They've been perfectly happy up there, chatting, listening to the radio.

Seems so.

I'd better go and say goodnight.

Louise, wake up.

Louise? Louise, wake up.

Louise?

Louise?

David, have you not got a home to go to?

Yeah, Mr. Vernon's not there. I don't like it by myself.

You've got Alfred.

Hello.

Oh, hello, Phil.

No, no, hang on, hang on. It wasn't me in the end, it was David.

You did take Junior, didn't you?

Oh, yeah, hours ago.

Yeah, he dropped her off, just like you said.

Phil?

Philip?

Wasn't very nice, though.

What?

The Abbey Arms. Gina didn't like it.

The Abbey Arms?

I said the Abbey Ruins.

Oh, well done, David.

Now what?

The wine's gone.

What? The wine, you set aside.

Where on earth has Ashfordly got to?

My niece Anne and her friend.

Well, what do they look like?

Long hair, jeans, beets.

What's the problem? I've seen people like that. I'll alter them. All right,

David, just calm down.

We had some hippies in here earlier, but nothing to do with your niece.

Yeah, but I gave them a lift. They were going to a party.

But we've looked everywhere.

Someone must have seen them.

Wait a minute.

What party, David? In a barn, I don't know.

Where? Up there through the woods.

My hay barn trespassers, I knew it. It was only supposed to be the four of us

and all these people came and I'd never seen them before. And then this horrible

man went off and came back with all this wine and bottles and pills and Louise

took them.

Right.

Come on!

25, Margot.

My pills.

What happened?

Pills.

How many have you taken? I don't know.

I'll call Dr. Somerville.

Death, grace.

Good fun.

It was the best fun I've had in ages.

Entertainment over, everybody.

Supper is served.

I'm so sorry, Aunty Jackie.

I'm sorry for being so horrible.

Come on, I think we were both to blame.

No, I was awful to you. And I'd forgotten what it was like to be a

You can go and see her now, if you like.

She will be.

Look, why don't you go and see Mike? I'll stop here for a bit.

How are

you feeling?

The bowl!

Quick!

Thanks, Oscar.

Excuse me, David.

Told you it was worth it, Bernard.

Job done.

Money in the bag.

Poor Prince thingy was staying till Monday.

Ah, yes. Well, he got a better offer at the party.

And she's invited him to stay in her castle.

Ashfordly was miserable.

But my good friend, the Prince, has rewarded me handsomely.

What's in there, then?

Viola. Crikey, Mr. Bernard.

You're a millionaire.

Aye, lad.

I think this calls for drinks all round.

All right. How are you going to pay for them?

Russian?

Rubles.

Rubles. Are you sure I can change these?

Oh, take them to any bank. That should cover it.

You can't change those.

What? You can't spend them anywhere except in Russia.

You mean they're worthless.

Unless he goes to live in Russia, of course.

Hey, are you back early?

Well, it's not very early.

Actually, it's quite late.

Your sign's upside down.

Georgina Ward.

Will you marry me?

Oh, Phil.

Say yes to me.

Please say yes.

Harvey, why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

Why does the love chip stay in my memory?