Original subtitles

Heartbeat, why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

Heartbeat, why does a love chip stay in my memory?

To the earth, to live on the wind.

Born on the wind, let me sleep on the

wind.

This little bird that comes by then.

Light and fragile and fragile.

No,

what's your game?

I've just come to look at your marrons.

The ones you have on taste for sale, like.

Weren't thinking of nicking you a couple, were you?

No.

You're that crony of greengrasses, aren't you?

Well, I know him, yeah.

Damn groups.

The only thing I hate worse than the sight of them is the sound of them.

Oh, no.

Look at the time.

I'm due a court in ten minutes.

Oh, that'll make you popular with the bench. Oh, thank you.

Mmm.

Mmm, the taste of heaven baked.

Oh, not to mention Cumberland sausage.

Constable. Denzel Harcourt of Harcourt Film Productions.

We're in the area hunting location.

Location? For a feature film we hope to be shooting around here.

Oh, I see.

Excuse me, please come in.

I take it the police would have no objections to that?

No, I shouldn't think so, Mr. Harcourt. As long as you give us plenty of warning

as to any public places you might be thinking of using.

But of course.

It might also be a good idea to get in contact with my sergeant over at Ashley.

And the name of this sergeant?

Craddock, sir.

Right.

I see.

Hello. That dog of yours happens to be upsetting my sheep.

Then find another field to put them in.

This is my land, Clegghorn.

If I choose to exercise my dog on it, that's really none of your business.

Just so long as you realise, my lord, that if so much as sticks his nose over

boundary, it won't be exercise it'll be needing.

It'll be burying.

Mr. Greengrass!

What do you want?

I wanted to have a word with you about those chickens that I brought.

Oh, yeah. What are they, pullets or what?

No, they're marrons.

Marrons? Oh, you know, they're the big brown eggs.

Oh, yeah, them, yeah.

Well, anyway, I was going to go into business and get a couple more and sell

eggs. But my mam, she's allergic to the feathers.

Is she?

There's only one thing for it, then, isn't there?

What? Well, you'll have to wring the necks and resign yourself to having

sandwiches for a fortnight.

I couldn't do that, not to Dusty and Shirley.

I know I'm going to regret this, but why Dusty and Shirley?

Ah, right, well, I've named one of them Dusty after Dusty Springfield, and the

other one I've named Shirley after Shirley Bassey. Yeah, I know I'd regret

Well, you'll just have to wring your mother's neck then, won't you?

Well, I thought you might help me out.

What, me?

I hardly know the woman.

No, I thought you might let my chickens live with your chickens.

Oh, well, that's all right, so long as you realise.

What? Well, I'm going to need 50 % of the profit out of the eggs for the board

and lodging.

50 %?

Well, I'm negotiable.

What's he up to, do you think?

Well, he's probably checking for subsidence.

Subsidence? Well, don't tell me you didn't have this place checked by a

structural engineer before you bought it, Oscar.

I mean, Aidensfield's riddled with old pit shafts, you know.

The pub not far from here went down like the Titanic one afternoon.

Under the sheer weight of your slate, I should imagine.

Well, whatever it is, he's certainly dishy.

Well, you think so, do you?

Andy! You're back!

Just in time, by the looks of it.

It's good to see you.

So can a fella get a drink in here or what?

Pint of bitter, wasn't it? Now you're talking.

And you'll be what, in the same room, will you?

What else?

Right.

So have you missed me?

Now and again, I suppose.

Oh, in that case, perhaps I'd better take this back, then.

What is it?

Try opening it, you might find out.

Thanks, Jackie.

Look, I'm just doing my job.

Yeah, it's probably what Paypoint used to say.

Who? The hangman.

Good man, John.

So, as I understand it, Mr. Harcourt, you would like to film inside as well as

outside the pub?

Ideally, yes. It's perfect.

Oh, and it goes without saying, of course, that you'd be fully compensated

any dislocation involved.

Plus the usual facility fee.

We'd also be looking for accommodation, likely.

Oh, well, you've come to the right place for that then, haven't you?

That Jackie.

Talk about going for the throat.

She's like a flaming wolverine in court.

Maybe she was bending over backwards to show there was no favouritism involved.

Her being married to a policeman.

Alf, she enjoys making you look stupid.

You can tell she does.

Right then, lads.

I'm expecting a visit from a Mr Denville Arquart and his colleague a Mr Kerry

from Arquart Films shortly.

Arquart Films, sir?

That's right.

Oh, and when they get here, I don't want any nonsense about autographs and such.

We don't want them thinking we're a bunch of local yokels, do we?

Alright.

Mike Bradley, Aidensfield Police. No, you are, Constable.

We've had a complaint from Lord Ashfordly that you threatened him with a

earlier today.

You've been misled, Constable. The only one I threatened was that dog of his, if

it came anywhere near my sheep.

He also tells me that when you issued this threat, he was, in fact, on his

not yours.

Land that, for the record, is separated from mine by just one boundary wall.

A wall that your average Springer would clear in about one second, give enough a

chance.

Well, look, if you have any further problems with Lord Ashfordly's dog, take

advice. Come with us first, eh?

I know my rights when it comes to defending my livestock.

There they are, Mr Greengrass.

This is Dusty and Shirley.

And you've bought these for the eggs they're going to lay.

That's right.

David, the only egg you're going to get out of either of them is the egg you're

going to finish up with all over your deaf face.

How do you mean?

How do I mean? Well, look at the state of it. I mean, look at the colour of

their wattles. And look at the state of their necks.

What's wrong with their necks? They're supposed to have feathers round them.

What does that prove?

It proves, David, that if they were human beings, they'd be joining me down

post office every week to fetch their pensions.

You've been sold a pup, son.

Or, in your case, a couple of right boilers.

This way, gentlemen.

Sergeant Craddock is expecting you. Thank you.

Oh, this is PC Bellamy.

Hello.

Hello, hello.

I'm the longest -serving officer in this station. Thank you, Ventra.

Mr. Arquart, I presume.

Sergeant Craddo.

And this is Mr. Carey, isn't it? My assistant.

How do you do?

Come in, gentlemen.

Come in. Thank you.

Three teas, Ventras.

of corruption, gentlemen.

Or rather, the avoidance of it. That's the chief concern of the police on these

occasions. Well, you have my firm assurance, Sergeant, that any of that

kept down to the absolute minimum. Right, Harry?

Right, Gov.

There are bound to be occasions, of course, when certain areas will need to

sealed off temporarily from the public, you realise.

But of course.

And that would certainly apply to any filming up at Ashfordly Hall.

Oh, you're filming up there, are you?

The very centrepiece of our picture, Sergeant.

In fact, Harry has already been in touch with Lord Ashfordly about it.

Well, it all sounds like the most fascinating exercise, Mr. Harcourt.

Of course, I'm not entirely without experience of the film business myself,

know.

No? Having once been involved in a police training film.

God, Lord.

So, we'll be in touch, Sergeant Craddock.

Yes, indeed.

Just one thing.

I wonder if you'd mind.

It's not for me, you understand.

Of course not.

Now then,

Nathaniel. What do you want, Greengrass? I think there's been a bit of a

misunderstanding about these two marrons you sold old David here.

Not on my part, there hasn't.

How? He wanted them for the eggs.

Did he?

He never said.

What else would anybody in their right mind buy a couple of Marans for?

Well, I don't know, do I?

Perhaps he's not in his right mind.

I mean, look at the company he keeps.

Well,

come on, what are you going to do about it?

Oh, well, Vance, we should just leave this. We'll leave it.

Come on, Cleggorn.

We both know there's no way you're going to use that shotgun.

One of us could be wrong.

Oh, go on, David, tell him they're your own.

We've come to report a robbery.

Oh, yes?

Yeah, a daylighter. Look, look at the combs and the wattles on these birds.

Well, what's the matter with them?

What's the matter with them?

They're the wrong colour.

What colour should they be?

Red. What's that got to do with us? The point is, Philip, that David's been sold

these ends under false pretenses. And the bloke who sold him them has just

wagged a loaded shotgun under our noses.

Who's that?

Nathaniel Flaming Cleggorn, and I want him seen to.

Superb. Quite superb.

Absolutely exquisite.

So, my lord, the fertility fee suggested is satisfactory, is it? More than

satisfactory, yes. Most generous.

Cheaper the price, as far as we're concerned.

Although, I should warn you, my lord... that there will be a certain amount of

inconvenience, you know, having my people scuffling about the place.

I'm sure we'll cope.

So, when do you expect to start?

As early as the weekend, if that's all right with you.

It's your notice, but... Oh, I can't see why not.

In which case, how is it you people in show business put it?

Break a leg?

What?

Break a leg?

Jackie's car, was it?

Yeah, yeah.

Bradley,

I've got a job for you. My office, please.

Yes, Fudge.

Well, look, tell her from me, will you?

I'm sorry and all that, but just doing my job.

Right.

Not for a minute, no.

It just goes to prove, though, doesn't it, Alf?

There obviously is somebody up there after all, eh?

So the dog wasn't actually hit, Lord Ashford? That maniac definitely took a

at him, Bradley.

You saw him do that, did you, sir? I didn't actually see him shoot, as such,

His story was that he shot at a rabbit, and without any other witnesses, it's

your word against his, I'm afraid.

Well, in that case, I'll just have to make sure that when next I exercise my

in that part of the estate, I have my own 12 ball with me, won't I, Constable?

I don't think that's a good idea, my lord.

I'm sure you don't.

Then you don't have someone taking pot shots at your dog, do you, Constable?

with your blessing, apparently.

Where am I?

A few betties over at the Aidensfield Arms tonight, then?

Why?

Because Denzel Harcourt, the famous film director, is staying there.

Nothing to do with it, no.

No, of course not.

It's a matter of fact, there's a very good programme on the telly this

Something I've never been able to fathom about you, Alf.

What's that?

The morbid preoccupation of yours with come dancing.

Very funny.

I'm not too sure about this, Mr Greengrass. What's up with you?

All we're doing is swapping a couple of holdings at camp for a couple of young

'uns at mine.

Aye, but what happens if he catches us?

He won't, will he? We'll be in and out and down the pub like a dose of salt. He

won't even know we've been there.

And stop whinging and get in the truck.

Mr Greengrass?

Can you believe this lot?

How do you mean?

Well, people you wouldn't normally see in here from one year then to the next.

And now, just because you think they're going to get a glimpse of Elizabeth

Taylor or Richard Burton or somebody.

Hiya, Maggie.

Hello.

You got your autograph book with you?

That'll be the day, Andy, when I run after anybody for their autograph.

Honestly, you're not what you call a film fan, then.

I just find it a bit pathetic, that's all. The way people go weak at the knees

just because somebody's got a famous face.

Well, no, you didn't tell me Peter Atul was in this picture.

What? Where?

What are

you

doing? Oh, you wouldn't believe it. The moment I sat down, the telly went on the

blink. Of course I'd believe you.

I'm going to get a drink, eh?

Sure.

Try not to make any more noise.

Come on.

Put them down.

Just make sure you get a good lean in.

Hello? Hello.

You'll be Maggie Bolton, right?

Yeah, that's right.

The district nurse, right?

How could you possibly know that?

Because I've made it my business to find out, haven't I?

Oh, I see.

Why would you want to do that?

Well, because in the course of any film shoot, accidents will happen, won't

they? And who better to advise me on the local medical facilities available than

District 9?

Oh, right.

So, before we go any further and I start picking your brains, why don't you let

me pay for that, eh?

Yes, thank you.

Is he a film star, do you think?

Dunno. Could be a sport.

And what are you two up to then, eh?

Nothing.

Well, make sure you behave yourselves, all right?

Yes, sir.

Well... Oh, just passing through, are we? That's right.

Yes, you and the rest of Hayden's people.

Well, probably Ben.

You look very smart, Sarge.

What's he wearing?

So we can call on you any time then, maybe. Day or night.

Feel free to.

One for the road.

Oh, er...

I better not.

I've got to be up at the crack of dawn tomorrow.

But thanks for the other one.

Believe me, the pleasure was all mine.

And we'll be in touch.

OK. Bye -bye. See you.

I feel like the kid let loose in a toffee shop round here ago.

Just don't tell the wife, then.

Can I have your autograph?

Certainly, young man.

Oi! Out of here, the pair of you, now!

Ruddy kids.

More to the point, in licensed primitive at this time of night.

I'm surprised at you, Mr Blaketon.

Right, then. Big smile, everyone.

Just what the devil do you think you're doing, young lady?

Sorry? I should think you are!

What Mr Harcourt's trying to tell you, Gina, love, is that it's managed to ask

first. Right, girl?

Right. I didn't realise, honest.

He gets petted all the time with press photographers, you see.

Well, I'm really sorry, Mr Harcourt.

My dear Gina.

Please, look.

Forget about it.

Okay? Right.

Sorry about that, gentlemen.

Really quite unforgivable.

Such a childish outburst.

But before you do, you make it both of you.

What do you think he knew it were us?

Don't talk daft.

What were that?

What were what?

I think I heard something.

David, I wish you'd stop worrying. There's no way he's going to know it

Somebody help me.

Tell me.

Compliments to Mr. Alcott. And fulsome apologies for last night.

Oh, Harry, so lovely.

Thank you.

Don't thank me, thank my governor. He paid for them.

Why, isn't that sweet of him?

Well, I'd better go and put the new water in.

The ill feeling between my family and the Clegghorns goes back a long way.

To our grandfather's time.

In fact, it all arose out of a dispute about that boundary, actually.

And was the dispute ever resolved?

Not finally, no. My grandfather eventually became bored with the whole

However, if Claycorn insists on throwing his weight about, perhaps it's time the

case was properly resolved.

There's no doubt in my mind which side the courts are most likely to come down

on. So, there are the files, giving you chapter and verse about the entire

business.

Michael, what do we owe the honour?

What on earth happened to your windows last night?

Oh, that storm last night. It blew it right out, didn't it, David?

Really? I don't remember there being any storms.

Oh, well, you must have been somewhere else, because it was one of them freak

things. It was very localised, wasn't it?

Right.

Well, well, seems like all sorts of things were going on here last night.

Really?

Did you hear...

Somebody raided Nathaniel Claycorn's hen house? No.

I don't suppose you two know anything about that, do you?

Us, us, no, no, do we, David?

No, it's just Al Ventress reckons you two had some sort of dispute with him

about a couple of hens.

That had been resolved very amicably, hadn't it, David?

Right.

Right.

No, it's just that the weird thing being that when Claycorn took a beak count

this morning, he found he'd got...

Two more hens I need to dart it out with.

Really?

Funny, that.

Don't you think?

Hilarious.

Gentlemen. Could I have a quick word, my lord? Of course you can.

Something's come up which means we're in a position to start work right away.

Fine. The problem there, my lord, it'll get pretty noisy.

So we were thinking we should consider moving you into an hotel for a couple of

nights. At our expense, of course.

How does a week at Claridge's sound?

Well, I'd say it sounds most attractive.

Claridge's it is, then.

There are a couple of members of staff who live in permanently, you realise.

We'll take care of them, Moulin.

Come on, then.

Gina.

Andy. I know, I know. I'm sorry.

I just got a call from the rig.

They want me back right away.

You've only just got here.

I've got no choice.

I've got some big problems, apparently.

It's the case of all hands on deck, I'm afraid.

When will you be back?

Just as soon as I can.

I promise.

I'll make it up to you.

Honestly.

Bye, love.

Ta -ra.

So, where was the camera when you last saw it?

On my dressing table upstairs.

Has anyone else been into the room since then?

Only Harry.

Harry?

Who's Harry?

Harry Carey. One of the film people.

He brought me some flowers.

But he followed me straight back downstairs.

OK, Gina.

Look, just leave it with me. I'll see what I can do.

Right. There was one other funny thing happened involving that camera. I think

that was the night before last.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, when Gina tried to take Denzel Harcourt's photograph, he seemed none

pleased. Now, in my experience, show business people don't usually object to

having their picture taken.

Where did you get it?

We found it.

And pigs might.

This bloke just threw it away.

You must think I came up the river on a barge. It's the truth. Mr. Greengrass.

Look, it's got muck on it.

All right.

How much do you want?

Ten quid.

Ten quid. I might look like Father Christmas, but I'm not him.

I'll give five.

Seven at least?

I'll give five.

Otherwise you can take it to the police station and try and get a reward.

Go on, then.

Shotgun, Mr Cleggorn.

Tell me something.

Did you know the firing pin of a shotgun leaves a mark on the cap of every

cartridge shot from it?

Hmm. As unique as a fingerprint.

I didn't, no.

Well, take these,

for instance.

Now, these were found outside Claude Greengrass' house the morning after

somebody had shot out his windows.

Aye.

Well, which means that we could identify the weapon used.

I see.

Now, between you and me, we don't have any plans to take it that far at

Why, especially as Mr Greengrass has declined to make a complaint.

So?

Well, if there are any further incidents involving shotguns in the area, I

suppose my sergeant could, uh... Well, he could just look at it differently.

After all...

Certificates can be revoked.

So I'll... I'll just hang on to these for a while.

Just in case, eh?

You've read the documents, then?

I have, yes.

And?

Well... Put it this way.

I don't think your grandfather decided against proceeding any further out of

boredom. Lord Ashfordly. No?

No. It seems more likely to me he realised that if it ever did go to

only would the Clegghorn family win, but your own family would lose a large part

of their adjacent land as well.

And therefore, he acted accordingly.

Or rather, didn't.

I see.

So that's that.

Well, it certainly looks like it.

Meanwhile, Cleggorn continues to prowl my perimeter with that shotgun of his

like some latter -day Jesse James.

And there's not a thing we can do about it.

Hello, is Denzel Arquart there, please?

I'm afraid Mr. Arquart's filming in Yorkshire at the moment. Can I take a

message? No, no, it doesn't matter. I'll call back later.

Thank you.

My advice to you would be to cause as little fuss as possible.

In case Cleggorn gets it into his head to go to litigation himself.

Well, thank you for your frankness, Mrs Bradley. I'll certainly think about what

you said.

Well, I'm sorry it wasn't better news.

I'll see myself out.

Ashford, look.

Here.

Here. Get that down, yeah? Let's help it cheers you up.

All right, come on, come on. What's the matter?

I'm really missing Dusty and Shirley.

I thought there'd be somewhere like... There are times when I worry about you.

It's a nice -looking camera you've got there, Greengrass.

It's not bad, is it?

It's for sale.

Fifteen quid and it's yours, and I'm giving it to work that.

Well, obviously, I'll have to think about that one.

Oh, don't think too long.

Now, don't say anything.

But can you see what I can see over there?

My camera.

Are you sure?

I'm positive.

What's Claude doing with it?

That's a good question.

Well, let's go and ask him.

Let's get someone else to ask him, shall we?

Can we help you, Constable?

Sergeant Craddock asked me to drop by and make sure there was nothing you

needed. You can tell the good sergeant from me that everything's going

swimmingly. Thank you.

Right, right.

Denzel, there was a telephone call for you.

Excuse me.

So, uh... What's this film all about, then?

Oh, sort of a thriller, really.

With a real surprise ending.

Great, great.

Would there be anything else of this I might see?

Highly unlikely, I'd say.

Unless you're into arty crafty stuff.

Did he leave a

name?

OK, Beryl.

Thanks for that.

She had a phone call about an hour ago asking for me.

Who from?

They wouldn't say.

But there's only one person in the world outside the two of us who has that

number, and that's the gentleman who just drove away.

Who's just been asking about what other films you've made.

So?

Time to make our move, I'd say.

If I hadn't, do you think I'd be stupid enough to bring it back in here?

Oh, I seem to remember you've done some pretty stupid things in your time,

Greengrass. Shouldn't you be polishing your optic?

Where did you get it, Claude?

I found it.

Oh, come on, Greengrass.

You'll have to do better than that.

All right, all right, Oscar, leave it with me, thank you.

Come on, Claude, stop messing me about and tell me where you got it from, or

would you rather we discuss this over at Ashfordly?

All right, I bought it.

Who from?

Two little kids, and they said they'd found it. I don't even know who they

but you must have seen them. They've been hanging about outside here.

Well, since they're under the age of criminal responsibility, Greengrass,

as a responsible adult, could be found guilty of larceny by finding. In other

words, receiving is a much more serious charge than petty theft.

I think you'd better take me down to the station, Michael, before he turns it

into a capital offence.

Terribly sorry about this, Raymond, my dear fellow.

Think nothing of it.

Cooperation is what you were promised.

And cooperation is what you will get.

After all, that's show business, eh, Denville?

Quite.

So, if you'd like to show me which roads around the estate you'd like closing

on... Good trip there, my lord.

And don't forget, the crook's on my gardener, all right? To fill your boots.

I'll do that.

So when do we start?

Now's as good a time as any, I'd say.

Oi, I want to have a word with you two.

What about?

This.

Never thought it before.

Oh, yes.

You sold this camera to Claude Greengrass.

I want to know where you got it.

This man just threw it away.

Didn't he, Trev? Yeah.

Which man?

One of them film stars.

The younger one.

Only before he did, he ripped the film out.

Careful, boys.

Well,

he's gone.

Yeah, so is this one. Yeah, without paying their bills.

Would you believe I forgot my reading glasses?

The devil.

If you could only see me I know exactly where

I am You wouldn't want to be me

Oh, I can assure you

No,

we're done down there, Harry.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Come on.

Look at this.

You're under arrest.

People say he's a star, and he's sure to go far. Look at

me now.

Everything under control, Ventress?

Oh, yes, Sarge. All quiet.

I'll give all I have for a moment of love.

What are you doing, Bellamy?

Got into Mike.

Boiling a rubbery charge.

Right, you two, out.

Good morning, my lord.

How are we feeling now? Oh, I'll live, I think.

Everything was recovered, I'm glad to say.

Excellent. In fact, that's why I popped in, to say thank you for your prompt

action last night.

Particularly Constable Bradley there.

Well, that's what we're here for.

Between you and me, I had my suspicions about those two from the very beginning.

Do you know so did I?

Really?

Of course, as policemen, we couldn't do very much until a crime had actually

been committed.

Of course not.

Still, I think it'll take more than those two phonies to pull the wool over

eyes, eh, my lord? Well, I should say so.

Would you care to step through to my office?

Oh, very good.

Tea, Ventra.

Heartbeat, why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

Why does a love kiss stay in my memory?