Original subtitles

hello my name is John farmer. i'm a paranormal investigator and cryptozoologist. From a very

early age i have experienced numerous encounters of what people would consider to be paranormal

activity. In this space and time i have witnessed more than the average person would have in

many lifetimes. I'm no spirit medium or clairvoyant but i do possess a gift, a gift which allows

me to experience this activity. I've been possessed 47 times in my life, i've been attacked

by unknown forces, i've seen many unidentified objects in the sky, all leading to this point.

It is now time for me to share my gift with you the world, for the first time ever i will

attempt to capture this evidence in a six-part series as we look into the unknown to prove

there is something in the shadows. What do you think? huh? about that? Oh yeah it's good

but it's a bit samey though, do you know what i mean because it was hasn't really changed

much. the sound I've fixed the sound. Oh right yeah yeah yeah that humming's gone yeah good

good nice good job pretty nice. I'm happy with that yeah okay. What time are we? 3 a.m

so we better get move on

So um yeah so let it go. Right ladies and gentlemen may i introduce to you mr Kirk Cumberland.

Yeah alright? You can't say all right. Huh ladies uh sorry uh hi hi I'm um Kirk cumberland

a paranormal investigator and also uh well sort of i'm also an i.t technician so yeah.

Looking forward to this adventure uh as long as you guys don't bum me

okay i'll cut the um the sort of line. Yeah and the bumming bit. it's got a sound legit,

maybe edit that bit as well.

Alright boys?

Hey, get out my face, Come in

Jon Farmer! You got all your stuff?

Yes mate, all sorted out

Here he is, Mr Cumberland

We got chairs, toothbrush, and, we got a bottle of whisky. Soon as we are going to Scotland

Anyone want anything from the fridge before we go? Speak now or forever hold your peace

Can I have a banana? Theres two for you there mate

Cheers mate

Lets hit the road, scotland!

Are we on? oh yeah road trip man. It's very early in the morning but we're on our.. where

are we? on our way. We are on our way. We've only just started we're on our way. Road trip

man. You excited fred? Yes, excited yeah very excited. Brilliant great stuff let's get round.

Are you excited? i'm excited about stuff i suppose but. Check that out.

How many bananas you had now? i was hungry yeah yeah. It's like a giant eating a banana.

You know how I love bananas.

There's Steve. (shouting at Steve)

Bless his cotton socks

How many miles? We've only just started

No, we will be on the road for a bit but..

299 miles to go. i need a wee. that's the time. Are we going to have a wee stop? are

we sure oh yeah yeah did you actually think that? Are we going to stop and have breakfast?

I think we will stop yes

What about Steve? anyone spoken to Steve?

Steve is meeting us there. He doesn't like being.. Steve doesn't like

to be with anybody, he likes being with people but he likes to do things on his own. Yeah

as we know from experience in the past many many times he does his own thing he's like

he's like a lone ranger he just does his own thing, and that's Steve. But he's a diamond

And he's a dick

But he's a good lad

He is a good lad But he's a dick

i'm all right now getting a coffee down me that's [ __ ] knackered mate, i know i ain't

done my shoe laces up yet

Sort em out mate

i will in a minute. You know what, 10 quid for a sandwich

A cheese sandwich. Cheese sandwich ten pounds.

And then you went and got one as well. Yep free coffee. Did you? Did you just walk out

with it? That's on camera that.

There we go..sorted

So Jon, what sort of things are we going to be looking

for up there in bonny scotland sir? Well the monster obviously. Geese, geese? Yeah egyptian

not canadian. okay. Um egyptian geese, have you ever seen them? oh man beautiful beautiful

creatures. Um no no they look like they've got egyptian eye paint on. Yeah yeah honestly

i'm not joking i'm not joking um a bald eagle, buzzards, buzzards. What are them massive ones? um

Pteroddactyl?

condors

if we see one of them mate this is gonna be a winner this is gonna be an absolute winner

we might have to change it right now

oh my god. Theres one right now

Right we're coming up for loch lomond now

You know how I said it was my lucky day?i've just gone and found another banana

Hey hey

Get a shot of that. Absolutely beautiful.

This is gonna be a two bouncer..at least

One!

what i meant was a oner. yeah a oner. that was good, so one to beat

two.. two.

Still going for four. oh, yeah

One! Fuck you

so that was the last stretch of the journey of loch lomond. We're heading up now towards

loch ness probably another hour to go. No piss taking while i'm doing a take. Piss taking?

yeah would we take the piss out of you? afterwards don't get me laughing because I won't be able

to do my thing. When you're doing your camera thing mate you won't get any piss taking from

us. Yeah, nothing. Yeah. No bananas you.We are professionals mate, professionals

I think he's gonna be sick

Only joking

Go on, throw up then

I'm not gonna throw up. Your not?

i just feel a bit. What's that from then? Just windy roads. Really? Yep and those sausage

rolls. He's not gonna throw up, that's a shame.

Right I'm getting in. Sorry to disappoint

No sick here then

well let me know when you are sick so i can get the camera in your face

You alright Jon? Yeah yeah

23 miles 800 feet deep yeah? Yeah. 23 miles wide.

He's here

Steve..hows it going dude?

Alright geezer, bring it in

Jonny boy

Say hello Steve. Alright?

How you doing?

Comes down on his own. Always. At the back of the pack

How long have you had that ringtone for Steve?

forever yeah

He was sick. He was nearly sick

*Group mumblings*

Okay you ready? Well, is it alright with that in the background?

yeah yeah, Kirk! There's ducks. Yeah you're in shot though mate. Have you seen the ducks?

Yes, yeah. Okay.. Good evening you join me as i stand at the mouth of this huge body

of water. Extending 23 miles its deepest point is said to be around 800 feet. It is home

to many species of wildlife and huge forests, and if hundreds of reports are to be believed,

a monster. A monster that's been seen by so many people that it is famous throughout the

world. Welcome to loch ness. hey come right up to ya

ducks come straight up to ya, look

it is thought that the monster that dwells within the lock is a survivor from the jurassic

period or simply a creature that just hasn't been discovered yet, one thing is for certain

there is plenty of room for it to hide. There is one other theory which may hold the key

to this and many other mysteries throughout the world.

Portals. These portals or gateways are said to be entrances into other dimensions where

creatures can manifest at will. Beings such as bigfoot, werewolves, aliens, shadowmen

and even ghosts are said to travel through these portals.

One such portal is said to exist right here at loch ness, not only the infamous nessie,

but many other strange phenomena have been witnessed in this area. Ufo sightings, strange

cryptids that roam the vast forests and many many ghost sightings. On this week's episode

of there's something in the shadows, we'll be spending three nights deep within the forest

and within the portal.

Was that alright? Yeah sounds good yeah. So is this episode not about the monster? It's

about the area really, the portal. I mean how many people have come here looking for

the monster? Loads. We could waste a bit of time as well. Yeah. Yeah instead of getting

food. We'd just be just be filming the water for a week. Well , sorry captain kirk's orders.

If you see me pulling my face at you by the way it's not that i'm judging your performance,

i'm disagreeing with all the bullshit You're saying. You don't believe me man, you gotta be a believer

*wind howling*

alright? okay?

Wait, wait up

*sings* Jon Farmer

i've never even seen a haggis. John, John, how big are these woods? Big, vast. We've

been walking for two hours

Scotland!

How are you feeling Daz? Good, we are here, long journey but we finally made it. What's

up John? Knackered. Long walk mate. long walk? Yeah but we're nearly there.

Watch out for the wild boars.Bumped into some local gentleman who told us to watch out for

the wild boars so he knows the territory better than we do so. There better be more than wild

boars mate

maybe the spirits of wild boars. Yeah well you never know. What do you reckon Daz? Oh

no no you never know what you find out here man do you?

You certainly don't

*whispers* Dear

Here are the lads

Nearly at the camp now

Alright Fred? Ayup

Most important thing, chair. John's got his mosquito net on. Oh man! With his knackered

up chair.

Never goes the right way up does it?

What do you do? just throw it? Take the band off first. Nobody told me that. Turn your

phone off Steve. *ringtone*

Now that is exactly how i want to sleep. So Kirk, how's it going? All good mate, just

uh got my emf meter out, just checking if there's any electromagnetic fields. Okay so

it's in the emf meter yeah? Emf, electromagnetic meter well as you can see there's nothing

going on right now but I do hope. You know ghosts come to this realm using electromagnetic fields

so uh as you know, yeah so yeah i mean no reading yet but there's no electricity about

so yeah no banana. So yeah I'll keep going. Yeah let us know if there's any change in

that one. Oh i will mate don't you. But i mean i don't know, get your uh, what they

call again those.. those things you put on the back? *makes proton pack noise*

Jon boy! What we doing ?

Bit to camera? Do you want to go over this side? Yeah go on then. Can I take the mosquito net

off? Yeah, you look like a dinner lady.

So, after several hours trekking through the very remote forest, we've decided to set up

camp here, right in the heart of where the paranormal portal is located. We're going

to do a bit of a base check with the emf meter and then we're going to settle down for the

night. Cool

Say hello Steve. Take your mask off mate

Tell us why we've got the masks on Steve. The bloody midges mate, eaten alive by midges.

Can you see the one in the middle of my head still? It's gone down a bit. Has it gone down?

it's gone down . You look like a unicorn. Looks like someones hit you in the head with

a penis.

Did you say he'll grow a third penis? No, like someone had hit him on the head with one

And that's why we're wearing masks.

Ready? Oh you're already filming? I'll go again then

Yeah good job there Daz, good job. Wow. Wow good stuff

Ah man it's raining

That's because you're meditating. Well i'm trying to. His chins itching.

His chins itching

. You don't look like your meditating, your getting rained on and your eyes are open.

Looks like your having a poo mate, like your warming up to drop one out

Mate, I got some wet wipes

Until you've tried it mate don't knock it, all right? Well you know you keep telling

me that. I'll do it in my tent next time. It's crap. Is that supposed to be sticking

out like that? No i'm just about to sort it, that could have gone up my erm.. Story of

his life.

What were you filming then? what was Farmer doing? Um John was.. he was meditating. Do

you believe in meditating? I believe that people do it. Yeah. So,

good cheers Fred, thanks for that man that was really good. How's it going Stevo? I believe

children are the future. Do you think so, how come? Teach them well and let them lead

the way. That is words of wisdom sir, words of wisdom. I learned that on the way.

What's this, is this a backing shot or is it a tracking shot what's it called? A back

shot? I don't know.

John what you're sitting over there for?

Just forget it. What you sitting over there for?

Just leave it out

Go on, get on him, go on

Whats the matter? Youve ruined my meditation haven't you? Cheer up, captain says cheer up. What's

up mate? I was meditating wasn't I? We're only having a laugh. You should try it sometime.

*Kirk mimics electronic noise*

What is this? Can I have a look? I saw you using this earlier. What's this for? What

do you think it's for? I don't know. EMF mate, electro magnetic fing. It looks like a ghostbuster

gadget. It is actually. What you're looking for earlier ?um ghosts obviously, paranormal

activity. Paranormal activity? And there's uh none over here.

What about this geezer over here

He's not happy is he? he's not a happy bunny

He's not happy. I'm not taking the piss. He's not going red is he? There you go, he's cheered

up now. Come on then.

Did you push this out when you were doing that meditation?

Come here

Come here..i'll let you teach me how to meditate okay? Yo Daz. Yo, what's up? Good mate, good.

So what's your role in this little outfit? My role in this outfit is just to support

my good friend john farmer and um just come along and help out with the camp really made,

to be fair. Yeah? Yeah, no ghosty stuff for you? well, i'll go along with it mate, you

know, you know me. So what's your role in this.. organization ? I'm the one trying to

find the... i think i think i'm here to, like you say support old farmer and his uh portal

idea and you know i'm behind him all the way and i'm gonna help him find one I swear. Do

you believe in the existence of a paranormal portal? Do i believe in existence for paranormal

portal? mate!

Do i believe in the existence of a paranormal portal?

Yeah I do, thanks mate, yeah it's got a thumbs up from there. For the record i'm not saying

i don't believe , i'm not saying i don't believe. Look, i know it is far-fetched right you know

what i mean but, i've never seen one but i know that the spirally whirly things exist.

And what about the monster? What a scientific explanation.

That's the best i'd come up with. Do you believe in the existence? Do i exist in it?do you

believe in the existence? Do I believe in the loch ness monster? What am I supposed

to say? No i don't even know, i don't I think.. it's a hard question, am i supposed to believe

in it? Just say yes or no. Yeah okay does it matter? does it matter? Okay uh I'm not,

I'm not, i'm not sure about the loch ness to be honest um you know what I mean? It's

not really.. not well, because there's no bones is there? there's no like they get dinosaur

bones and then you know there's never a loch ness bone found. Oh yeah well they live in

the loch. But it's a lake, that's not the sea is it? You don't walk around and find

whale bones in the forest.

They live in the sea. Oh in that case then yeah. Steve! Alright Fred? Talk to me. What

do you want me to say? what do you want me to do? Well we're talking about the paranormal

paranormal portals what john's looking for, do you believe in the existence of them? Well,

i follow John to do what he wants to do, open to either way happening, yeah it's one of

them in it? So you're on the fence with this one yeah? Oh massively yeah i mean probably

more to not believing but you know i'll go with me mate, he's got strong views on this

so uh i'm here to support him.

John farmer! Yes? How are you doing? All right. So do I need to ask if you believe in the

existence of the paranormal portal? You know I do.Look, you've got to keep an open mind.

Cool. Could be.

You've got to believe, and I believe. I do.

Why are you laughing?

I believe I can

fly. No you can't sing that, he's a nonce.

What are you doing John? I'm trying to get

all the stuff off it . No you don't need to ya numpty. Listen, I'm not being funny..Kirk!

Kirk!

i think you should get the emf up here mate. Okay why? It's gone up three. Right. See.

Okay. What did I say? [ __ ] hell, all right then mate yep you win. I like aliens, will

be my favorite um horror but sci-fi horror isn't it? I'd say it was a horror and a sci-fi.

So is that classed as a horror then? Yeah, like event horizon would be classed as a horror

and a sci-fi

I was absolutely petrified of the exorcist as a child. As a child? Again i watched it way

too young, my dad would just used to let us get on with it. Freddy krueger. I watched

Nightmare on elm street when I was six ,yeah i loved it, i stayed up and watched it. I

used to watch American werewolf in London.

I would watch that every week, yeah it was mental, i love that. I couldn't watch where

he transformed, it used to freak me out bad but i was about what was i about 12 13 something

like that so it was mental at that age to watch that and he used to watch that. The

slaughtered lamb, I've never missed that board.

There's that bat again look.

Where?

No that's behind the tent again

When you're shining the lights through your eyes you're adjusting to it, you start seeing

stuff don't you? the shadows and things. Oh yeah. That might be real. There it is again.

What? the bat there look. I think you're messing the bat up.The bat's like "I don't know where

to go". It's got like, bat blindness. It saying "I just want to [ __ ] sit down. it's like..

it's gone

Look you have to keep an open mind, anything can be a sign. Yeah okay. Wow, there's three

bats.

We're in the right place you know.

We are in the right place

oh he's playing hide and seek, but not very well because he keeps shining the torch on

Why are they rotating around us then?

I was going to say, are they rotating around this area because it's the center of

the portal? Or maybe they want to suck our [ __ ] blood

*laughs*

The running mans another good film. What's with them candles? I was going to put them around the camp

somewhere but I can't be arsed to get up.

*General inaudible chatter*

Ive seen candles work. If only we had a massive

flame in the middle of the camp. So what in your opinion, what will be the proof of a

portal? We need to see, we need to see something happen or we need to see.. So okay let's say

if we saw a ufo would in your opinion would that would that be just a ufo sighting or

would that be the existence of a portal? I know what you say.. The portal exists. I can

understand like different areas like say Wiltshire in england it'd be like hot spots you could

say yeah well that's because it's salisbury and there's supposed to be a a portal or whatever

there so yeah i can get that, but there's got to be.. you can't just say um i've just heard

a branch snap, it's definitely a portal. Yeah. There's got to be something you know what

I mean? Okay a ufo would be exciting but i don't think that defines it okay for us i

need to see, we want to see something. Paranormal activity or a creature. Yes i know nothing

about it, tell me about it. Okay so so okay so there's the things that i've seen but what

about the other hundreds and thousands of people that have seen the same thing and how

are they all linked how do they all end up looking like the same the same thing or they've

all heard the same noise or they've all heard you know. (Steves Ringtone) Explain that,

someone in south america and then someone say, here.

well i don't know you have to kind of have to yeah you have to i don't have to research

that. Exactly. But yeah yeah yeah. Fair play i mean you know prove that it doesn't exist.

Yeah yeah. I can't you know. But do you actually see a portal or do you just see what come

out? We're in the portal, i don't know where the the gateway, the actual entrance in or

out is but we are in it that's why the meter readings are so high here.

The meter readings are high in my house but i've never seen nothing come out. Well it's

not the same thing is it? At what point do these things come out? a monster for example.It's

not like monster inc where they just go through a door and come out it's like they manifest

that they appear through the portal. Yeah. So they could just come out from over

*sound of rain falling on the tent*

Kirk!

Kirk

Kirk wake up

Kirk!

Wake up

I'm tired man. I know, shh shh

Mate, I can here some noises

Did you hear that?

You ever heard of a branch falling from a tree?

it was thrown oh just listen

Mate your freaking me out

Go asleep, don't worry about it

*sound of the river*

*fire sound with background conversation*

I need a sleep

All I heard was you snoring. That wasn't me. It was you. Morning everybody.

Morning! Mr Farmer! Morning mate. Did you hear them noises last night? What the branches

falling off the tree? I heard somebody snoring at some point. That was you. I can't hear

myself snore. Come on, you heard it.

I told ya, it was branches falling off the tress. What noises? what noises? I didn't

hear any noises. Well it's like a stone, something being thrown to the camp. I mean, it could

Yeah

He means the stuff on the floor

What are they called?

Pine cones.

Okay go. So first night here in the forest of loch ness and it was pretty eventful.

*background voices* We love you Jon farmer

Shut up.

Can we do it again? Yeah, quiet we're going to do this take now.

Right so first night here in the forest of loch ness and it was pretty eventful. Everyone

heard stones being thrown into the camp by an unseen force. Unfortunately we were unable

to capture this on camera but let's see what happens later, overall a promising start

Lovely. Sorted?

It's having a poo, did you see?That's rude, right in the middle of camp. I'm having a

dump here pal.

Maybe the robin has been used as a vessel to communicate. Come on

Come on! a robin?

Let's see what Daz is up to? what kind of scientific paranormal investigation Daz is

conjuring up in his tent. Seems like he's deep in meditation there, don't want to disturb

it, we don't disturb it. I am though. Yeah well. I'm only an I.T technician i've been

dragged into this and look, i'm not good at this stuff, i'm not that you know what i'm

doing but i know that is going up to that, that's crazy. Yeah. Even for this you know

make sure you cut it so i look like a paranormal detective. Yeah obviously , i've got to make

this look like a cameraman, i just looked at the camera and i'm filming up the tree.

Yeah yeah yeah. John Farmer, how's it going? How's it going? Alright. You getting anything?

I'm sensing a strange static in the air. Okay, what, what's that then? Can't you feel it?

No. It's like um, it's like when you rub a balloon on yourself and it you when you bring

it near you can feel like the static coming off it and i can i'm feeling that everywhere,

and i'm also sensing a spirit. Look this way John so I can hear you better.

Yeah go on.

I'm also sensing a spirit now whether that's animal or human i don't know. Well, what's

the difference? Well one's animal and one's human

Shall i do call out to spirit? Yeah go for it.

Are there any spirits present?

Anyone wishing to make contact?

We mean no harm?

We're here to make contact, we want proof. Okay so say that again. We said we've just

heard you're making a noise what are you doing? We didn't make it seriously. maybe we didn't

make any noises. Oh okay then there's monkeys in the forest guys, oh-oh, they didn't tell

us about it.

*wooping noises*

All right, maybe it wasn't you. What what the [ __ ] was that? Someone messing about.

*Steve mimics noise*

Hang on, what?

*wooping noise again*

I told ya

That bloke told us about wild boars. You still filming this?

Yeah, still filming? Everyone shhh

So everyone in the camp has just heard a strange whooping noise coming from the forest. We

did a call out to spirit earlier so i'm guessing this is a direct response to that, one other

option is sasquatch or bigfoot as it's generally known they've been known to make these strange

kinds of whooping sounds, it's definitely something we can look into

Bigfoot? Yeah, what else can it be? Well, people John. Who's gonna come all the way

out here and make noises like that? Again, you know, people, i mean whatever it is it's

not bigfoot is it? come on. All right maybe it is people but you've got to keep an open

mind Fred. I know that but, i mean i can accept ghosts probably exist, i know ufo's are real

because i've seen one, yeah the Loch Ness monster maybe but bigfoot? come on. Gorillas

weren't discovered until 1902.

I know, but john , people who see bigfoot it's just like.. i mean think about it you've

got what, an eight foot or whatever bipedal monkey man running through the forest you

would have them in museums and bloody zoos and stuff, there's no way, it just can't happen

can it? Whatever. Okay let's just say that it's bigfoot. Which it definitly isn't.

Well, what happens now? how do we look for one? how are you gonna find a bigfoot? We

can try tree knocking. Tree knocking, what's that? You get a lump one you knock it on a

tree and you wait for a response. John, the exorcism episode is bad enough, no one's going

to believe this are they? Best thing to do is crack on with the portal scene, if we hear

anything else we can do whatever. Yeah. Fair enough, i'm just going to try a tree knocking.

A what? a tree knock, yeah okay. So what's this then? tell me what this is about. You

knock on the tree, you wait,

and you wait for a response sometimes they mimic the sound it comes back. Okay

*knocks on the tree, another knock is heard in response close by*

*Laughing*

You all heard it

That fire is wickedly warm.

It's beautiful isn't it?

Thats the thing, you can't order them from the sky can you?

So you've got to fabricate it

The thing is if i'm pretty sure they do exist but it's making other people believe they

exist (Steves ringtone)

So why would you want to make other people believe that they exist? Because they probably

do don't they? they do exist. Yeah I mean, yeah I believe, i've seen a ufo so i know

they exist but me trying to explain to say.. i don't know, somebody doesn't believe in

ufos, what's the purpose for me apart from you know i mean getting the weight off my

shoulders sort of thing? Prove to all the skeptics that they do exist. skepticism though,

skeptics, until they see one with their very own eyes, as in not on a youtube video not

on anything like that because they're never going to believe it, you could take, there

could be a ufo land here tonight, a load of aliens come around chase is all off get all

of it on video and you're not going to believe it, because they'll think it's cgi, puppets,

little people whatever. But if they see something with their own eyes that they can't explain

that makes it a ufo, but until then you're never going to convince some people. You know

i don't think it helps with like the way people have made money off selling alien stuff, i

mean if someone says an alien to you it's got like a big head and big funny eyes isn't

it? Like Steve? Yeah a bit like Steve. I'm not green though I think. This is what i mean are

they green? this is what i mean

*whispers* It's not doing it now

Okay..

So we've just been woken up by footsteps in the camp

really heavy footsteps. It could be one of the crew but i don't see why they would.

Surely if you want to go for a wee you're going to go near your tent.

Yeah yeah yeah

Definitely heavy footsteps.

Yeah, really heavy

And we've heard that whooping sound. That really strange wooping sound again.

It's coming from over there.

Maybe it's Steve messing about

No

I'm going to have a look

Did you hear that?

Could be Fred?

No, he's snoring

Let's turn this off

yeah this they're supposed to repel them but it seems to make me attract them.

I think they've evolved mate

He's up

Morning! Cheers Kirk

Morning. Alright boys?

Hows it going? Did you go to the toilet last night?

Did I what? Go to the toilet?

Did I go to the toilet?

what kind of questions are first thing in the morning? anyway where's this toilet i've

been shitting in the river. you know what i mean did you go for a pee or anything ?

Did I go for a pee? i don't know yeah probably, why? What time i don't know i didn't [ __ ] i know or

twelve maybe, one. Did you do it did you hear anything? no well the river perhaps. why did you?

yeah footsteps around the camp okay very big ones.

really big one i heard the footsteps but I also heard that whooping noise again did you

hear that? yeah I did. It was steve pissing about again.

Not necessarily Steve

Farmer!

Oh come on, don't give me that look mate

I'm not having a go at you. I'm just saying..

If you're setting it up dude, let us know

he's not setting it up i swear man. All right then

He's not

Okay so, we heard loud noises then

So, it woke you up as well did it? The footsteps.

No you woke me up with your snoring mate

It sounded like you died forty times in your sleep

He got it on camera

I nearly chocked then *laughter*

Like I say we got it on camera

It was loud anyway

We got it on camera

what, the footsteps? No, you snoring like a pig

We can still use it I suppose

This whooping sound then, what did it sound like? was it the same ones before?

like

*mimics noise* Woop

And what time was that then?

Around about the time you went out

That's why I asked if you'd heard it

Oh, half twelve?

Around about then yeah

I didn't hear nothing mate

I did't make any noises anyway

Well it wasn't me

sounded like you could do on your mobile phone for example, just amplify it

That's why it's louder

just to scare people for example if you're making a horror film

i'm just saying. He's not, he's not I swear.

I thought he was as well but last night...

I think Kirks on the payroll. I think your on the payroll i swear at first i thought it was set up

as well, and i'm like now i'm convinced we were both in here last night [ __ ] ourselves

okay action

so as you can see our second night in camp was also pretty eventful. Not only did we hear

the strange whooping sounds again but we also heard bipedal footsteps around our camp.

It got me thinking of the many reports all over the world of heavy footsteps outside of tents

often like us in very remote areas

could this be the mythical sasquatch or is it the mischievous spirits of the forest.

So you're still going with the bigfoot angle then yeah? yeah why not? i mean we're not going

to see nessie are we and we haven't needed to exaggerate anything either.

Have you seen Steve? Um, is he not in his tent?

I've looked all over camp for him mate, his tents empty

He's got my deodorant in his bag

Well he's got be up somewhere

Have you got any deodorant ? Yeah, I've got a can of spynx.

Can I pinch some? Yeah. Spynx.

Your doing a good job there Kirk

Pass that to Steve

where is Steve?

Is he not back yet?

Steve-o

He's probably just gone for a shit

Just give him a call

Here, will you grab that mate?

Is there any more sausages?

when he comes back you can have that i'll get some more sausages i suppose you can't

I think we need another packet

Is he in his tent, Steve?

I'll put that down here, then when he comes back he can have that.

I'll get some more sausages

I'm surprised he can't smell the food

straight to the answer machine boys

Is it not ringing?

You know what i'm going to do? you know why he's doing it? i found the biscuits

Nice. It's because we're doing that bloody seance today.

He's gone for a walk mate, anything to get out of it.

he's not going to sit around in a circle holding hands and talking to ghosts is he? it's not

his style. You might as well have that until he comes back. Has he not done one before?

Steve. Has he not done the seance before?

Didn't he do one at that fricken castle thing?

Oh yeah he did, he got pissed though didnt he?

He doesn't take it seriously. Yeah yeah

Is that when he drank all them cans first? Yep

I'm gonna crack another egg

Steve! breakfast

I'm eating your bap, what are you gonna do about it?

*nature sounds*

*wood knocking sounds*

draw upon the energy. So we are gathered here as a group to respectfully call upon the spirits

of the forest all beings from the earth and beyond make your presence known to us

we are all part of a universal consciousness draw upon our energies

there's this robin that keeps coming back and every time it comes back i get this really

strong reading, it's like mad. So yeah ,there he is look look at that there's a robin as

soon as he comes back that's going to go mental i swear

so this is what i meant when i was when i was saying that about the balloon earlier

on and the static because where we are now feels like we're on the edge of the portal

i can feel it it's like it's like pressing back on me it's it's like a force met with

my force and also it's there's normally like the smell of sulfur and i'm getting quite

an eggy smell and that's generally when a spirit is present or whether something has

just traveled through the portal

I think this robin is a spirit, i mean it keeps coming back

to the camp and the reading is really high. It reminds me of the time when i got possessed

by a Harris hawk. And i don't remember the possession happening but i remember coming

too and when i did come to i just i was flying over salisbury the whole i just remember seeing

everything from a bird's-eye view

Well he's left his shoes here, but i reckon he's got his walking boots. Who?

He's left his shoes here but..I reckon he's got his walking boots

Who? Steve?

Of course. Is he not in his tent now? have you checked? he's not he's definitely not in his

tent mate, we've checked that, i've tried his phone i'm just getting straight through to the answer

machine his shoes are there but says he's got walking boots with him so, if he's gone

the shop and not taken a list off everybody i'll be pissed

Won't you?

Oh my nose is running like mad, that fire's kicking off

Right look at that, that is a well-established tree, it's got hardly any branches so it's

not like it's going to get blown, right? What's going to do that?

You've got to be at least eight foot tall and probably 30 stone I say. You reckon?

how

Do you think we could do it? snap it or break it? or push it down? Well no but..

look at that that was a well-established tree

Okay so, just come across this in the clearing it's obviously a deer

Not a great deal left of it, his eye sockets gone

not a lot, not a lot remains of it

it's got two, it's got one back leg

two front

Yeah strange, there's only badgers and foxes really, predators in these woods so that's

pretty pretty unusual just left it the bottom of this tree line

hmm

we are at the end of our third day in the forests of loch ness, things are getting very

strange here, not only are we hearing strange noises in the night but one of our team members

steve has gone missing. The popular theory in camp is that he's gone for a walk but i

think other things are afoot. He's been gone all day, he's left his shoes behind and he's

not answering any of his phone calls, whether this is a coincidence or not he disappeared

on the morning after we heard the heavy footsteps in the camp and of course the shouting

I have my theories but i'm keeping them to myself, i just hope and pray that i'm wrong

Hey remember Blackpool last year? Ha yeah

Set up camp on the friday night what did he do on the saturday night? found a pub, went

on his own and we never saw him again for the rest of the weekend. So anybody else mate

yeah, he's gone to the pub mate, i mean how he's found the pub around here

i don't know but i don't know mate it's Steve isn't it? He'll turn up, he'll wander into camp

at two o'clock in the morning pissed out of his face. Yeah.

I agree mate, it's just um how

you'd structure the episode dispose into it, whether you interview the kids. Interview the

kids but maybe get a group of kids who've had night terrors. Yeah that are over it.

Or maybe ones that are still having it and especially.. It's best speaking when they're adults really

Best to speak to them when they are adults about when they were children

Do you know what i mean

Maybe and that yeah

Maybe they could like have a kid being filmed having a night terror and see what happens.

and see if they can pick up anything... Whats that up there?

What?

Ah, I told ya..it's Steve isn't it, come on. No way [ __ ] come on

Let's go, he's going to fall in the f*cking river

Wait for me, I've got the light

*Distant voices*

I told ya

Why is he coming through this way? He's fell over now I bet you, drunk.

Be prepared to find him o the floor pissed up lads

why would he just hide like that? Because he's a dick

and he does stuff like that

No man, that's weird man

No, we're falling right into his hands by even talking about this

Alright Steve, we're gonna nick some beers

Yeah, that was great Steve,

Cheers mate, see you later

Very funny

We will see where he went anyway when we look at the camera footage

*background voices*

So, we just witnessed a strange light off over in the woods

At first we thought it might be Steve

but when we went over to the area, the light was nowhere to be seen

He's actually doing a all-day long joke

He is actually a little bit crazy

No way!! Come and look at this Jon

Hold on..

Right, hang on, back a bit more

See the light? Hmm

Right, we go running off

Watch watch

Woh!!!

It just fucking disappeared. What was that?

What? that's mad

They're trying to make contact

What? who are?

I don't know. It's a spirit light.

It cant be a ufo, is it? it can't be, can it? no

I'll tell you what that'll look really good on the show

We'll have to back that up you know

That's good, that's good fucking footage mate

I mean...what the hells that?

I am literally speechless right now

You know what?

Whenever anything happens whether it's um big foots ufos whatever it's nearly always...

Is that on? that's on

It's nearly always about strange

lights in the sky there's always a light around at the time, i'm telling you

right, well no.. i mean i can't explain that if I'm honest but I dont know

We all saw the light. We saw the light indeed. That's pretty nuts. That is pretty cool

Is that not the sort of prank that steve would pull on us though?

I don't know

He aint that clever mate. I know he's a bit thick

It did look very good though, if that was him..

well done steve if that was you mate.

Yeah well done for making an orb just go into the sky and disappear

Come back and take the credit man because that was ace

That does look very cool and you got it on camera. That looked mint

That did look mint

It didn't make a sound though, there's no noise from it was there?

I didn't hear nothing.So it had gone, it's like it reacted to us coming towards it

So it was there..it was moving wasn't it? So we scared it off?

So was it blue? like a blueish light? I don't know

So if it wasn't a ufo then maybe it was a spirit light? yeah but it was like it reacted

to us coming didn't it? it was like moving then it was like whoa! what's the difference

between a spirit light and a ufo? One's a spirit light and one's a ufo.

And one's bloody Steve. Steve!

What is it? is it a ufo? is it a spirit light? or is it a mate being a right [ __ ] in the

bush? I'll tell you what, I'll.. I'll come.. i'll come a little bit on your side of the fence

here John, if it was Steve and he's heard our reaction to that he would come over and take

the credit for it. I will say that much. He would not be able to stop himself from

coming over and gloating like that. That would be his final little , what do you call it? cherry on the cake.

So i'm i'm i'm a little bit concerned about Steve boys, i'll be honest because i

genuinely thought that was him

What was that? Did you hear that?

What is it?

*whooping sound*

*louder whooping*

What the hell?

Shine your torch over there. What was that?

Dont shine the torch, put the torch down. What do you mean?

Okay yeah, let them come out of the dark, nice one

*Distant wood knocks*

*Strange vocal sound*

This is nuts man

I can't even look

i've never heard anything like that

How far away is that? that's pretty far away right?

Right what we doin? because I'm not staying here

I'm not staying here either. And that is definitely not Steve

Right, if Steve is not back first thing in the morning then we go. Mate, he's had plenty of time to come back, i say

we go now. Yeah i'm up for it mate. I'm up for doing that. Yeah i'm going man yeah deffo.

Now? Yeah

Fuck that. Whatever that is, it's got Steve.

It'll come and get us in a minute so I say we peg it now

First light mate. Yes, cool, safe

Or else we are going to be stumbling in the dark, first light.

I mean lets look at this,it's obviously someone pissing about but i mean that's.. that's.. that's something

else ,that's yeah, there's pissing about and then.. that's scary do you know what I mean?

Jon,what do you think man? I think..

okay i think we get our stuff ready but we do stay and then go first light.

Are we all sleeping in the same tent or something, I mean I'm not...

I'm not going to sleep tonight mate

If we all get our stuff together.

Yeah, don't anybody go wandering around alone. You reckon? yeah, that's not gonna happen.

Definitely not

okay it's 4am and i think a couple of

the lads have gone to sleep it's been a very

strange day. Steve still hasn't come back, the light in the forest and now screaming i do

believe that what we're dealing with here is paranormal in origin

the mixture between ufo and potential cryptids all lead to the portal

Either way, for the safety of our team we're going to be heading home in the morning

I think we have more than enough evidence on film.

The john farmer in me wants to stick

around, but my gut feeling is telling me to leave. If this really is a cryptid let's, say..

sasquatch that we're dealing with here, then we need to take note of what the first nation

tribes say, if you come into contact with these beings you are very unlikely to live to tell

the tale

Hundreds of people go missing in national parks every year, it makes you wonder

Morning. Did you hear anything else last night?

No, nothing thank God

Daz? You hear anything else?

No mate

What's that? Leaving a note for Steve

For if he decides to show up. Good idea

Tell him he's a dick. I have done, he is a dick.

I thought it could have been the locals though

But i've never heard anything like that ever, like it could have been an animal or some

creature or..

I don't know mate, i mean you gotta look at it this way i mean locals i mean what locals?

how many people have we seen when we've been here? nobody, we haven't seen anybody there's

no locals around here. I thought it could have been jon setting it up but...look at him.

Yeah. That's not Jon is it?

We gonna sort these tents out or what?

We need to get fucking out of here mate

Forget the tents. He'd be persuading us to stay.

What, we're leaving the tents here? We are leaving the tents here

Let's get the hell out of here, we can come back for them.

Well we've got to take our stuff obviously. We'll take our stuff, just travel light.

So our first time here at loch ness has come to a close.. come to a close? End. And so our first

time here at loch ness has come to an end with a few nights of strange happenings increasing

in intensity, we've decided that the safety of our team has to be a priority. Ufos, strange

beasts wandering the night and the unholy screams one thing is for sure loch ness has

many more mysteries to be solved. I'm john farmer john join me next time on there's something

in the shadows

Wait, wait up

*Walking through the bush sounds*

Kirk! slow down man, slow down

shhh

Can you hear that?

It's a person

Mate that's Steve. Steve?

I'll give him a call.

*Distant ringtone*

It's ringing! No!

We've got him. *excited laughter*

I knew it. Shh, be quiet

We'll sneak up on him.

*Steves ringtone getting louder*

Are you ringing him?

It's coming from up there.

What the hell is that?

Have you seen that?

What the fuck man

Is that Steve?

is that real?

I wanna go home man

listen listen listen listen listen listen we need to call the police, mate

john i'm calling the police mate is there anything i need to know mate before I ring this number?

fuck off Daz, fuck off

*Closer whooping*

Fuckin hell, run

*Choking sound*

Wait boys hold on

What? Kirk, where's Kirk?

Kirk! What do you mean where's Kirk? He's here, he's

is behind you. Where is he? Kirk!

He should be here

There's his bag. Kirk!

I can't get a signal. Where is he?, he was behind John, ring the police Daz. I'm ringing

the police mate. Ring the police Daz. I

I'm trying to get through to them.

Have you phoned the police? Kirk!

I'm calling them now Jon

His bags here

Kirk! what's going on?

*Heavy breathing*

Where is he? he was here, he was behind you john where is he? I was at the front.

Listen, we can't stay here

Hold on..

don't touch anything, don't touch anything. okay okay thank you thank you very much right listen

up boys the police

He was behind you, he's not missing he's here..he's with us

Listen Fred, calm down mate calm down

Kirk! Listen mate calm down

I need to tell you what the police have said

He's here. He's not fuckin here is he?

he's clearly not here. listen the police have said they're sending somebody out, they're

going to look for the gps you know we can either wait for them or we can get out

of here. We can't stay here we've got to get out and then someone can come back and look

for the pair of them.I agree with that. What are you putting a [ __ ] gopro on for? because

if people are going missing mate we need the evidence. Come on, I'm not hanging around... fred, fred

He's gone mate. [ __ ] sake. Think about what we've just seen i'm not staying here boys

please come on

go

Woh! hang on a minute Jon

What the hell? Well we definitely didn't come this way.

You got any water? It's inside here.

Go easy on it alright? Fuck you Jon

it's all ive got

chill out

It's not my fault ive been walking for an hour

Well it's not my fault either is it?

Chill out, come on.

Where you going?

I'm just gonna have a look over here, see if we can find a way off this

Fred we need to keep moving mate

Lets get a move on guys. Hang on, before we go any further,

can I at least just check? Well check it then

I'll just get the compass out. What do you need that for?

Make sure we're still going south. Navigation has got us to the side of a cliff boys.

oh we got a problem here

The compass isn't moving. Yeah exactly it's not moving

Well what does that mean?

Why is it not moving? how is that possible? Ive got no idea

That, hold on...

that's the electromagnetic field

Wheres the emf metre? Compasses don't just break. Get your toys out mate,

great time to play with your toys, brilliant. Well we've got to check haven't we? see if the compasses broke.

what are you checking for? It's gonna take two seconds, give me that give me that meter

Look at that. So..so what's that mean? It's going absolutely mental.

Well in a supernatural sense it means..It means we have to go come on let's

go. I'm calling the police again boys. Good luck with that. We got to keep heading south.

well that's the direction we've been going for an hour, we don't know. If we just look like we're

going in a straight line the compass is not working we can't go to the compass

anymore

Let's just keep going. Brilliant plan.

I'm going to turn this off

*Distant tree knocking*

If you are tracking our last location, we have moved away. Good luck with that.

If the compass is on south how will they track our location?

it's gps , I told you before. Yeah but it's not going to work is it. We need to keep moving.

I lost signal

If you want to tell us what this is in the woods you just go ahead and do it will ya?

It's obviously, come on, it's obviously not john is it? now come on. I''m here aren't I?

You know ive rung the police don't you?you'll have to explain this to them.

Daz, which way are we going? Daz! I haven't got a signal dont follow me

If we keep going in this direction we've got to come to a road or something, surely.

Why aren't we getting anywhere? i swear we've walked past these trees half an hour ago. We must

be coming up on a road soon. Put your camera away mate and check that we're not going around

in circles. I told you what I'm doing, i'm trying to record on so i'm trying to get whatever

i can if, someone's messing about i want to get it on camera. Starting to go dark boys,

i'm not spending another night out here

Help! Jon, we've tried that one we've tried that haven't we, it's obviously.. It's not going to do any

harm is it?

Help!

Whats up with you?

i can't carry on mate i've twisted the ankle. What are you going to do?You can't stay

here can you? look. You got to hop or something. I can't hop i've twisted have you ever twisted

your ankle? Yeah. You can't walk on it, i'll stay here, i'll stay here

and just send somebody back. you're not staying here don't be dramatic we're not leaving

without you, use the stick to support you. I can't mate, do you want to carry me? Use the stick to

support yourself, you haven't even tried it. I can't i'm telling you I can't. Nice one. Just

carry on. Brill. Just carry on. Brilliant. And send someone back to me. No.. nobody's coming

back for us mate, that's the point, when i phoned the police and they were going to get the

gprs signal we were miles away from where we are. Nobody's coming jesus [ __ ] christ

Daz, i wouldn't do that mate. Don't start with that bigfoot [ __ ] john we all know that

there's some nutter walking around, running around in the woods because you hired them,

as part of your little film. Don't you think if i had i would have said something by now?

why haven't you said something by now mate? because you've been scared and when it got too far

what could you say? oh sorry lads all this [ __ ] that's happening it's my fault. Is

this really helping? You've got what you want, we're all scared shitless and you're still

filming. Yeah obviously. If i'm the only one who's not in on this then will you please

just tell me. We're not in on anything, how do you explain the noises? the others going

missing? Oh hang on..Woop woop woop woop!..those noises? it doesn't take a professional actor to do that mate.

People going missing, the blood, the stuff hanging in the tree. Yeah how do we know that that

was Steve? it was so conveniently placed high up in the tree so that we couldn't

inspect the body. Well I can't explain it. Nice! I can't explain it. [ __ ] you. [ __ ] you! Come on, we gotta

get to a road, we got to keep our calm. Daz!

What now?

Well...you're gonna have to carry on Jon. I can't.

Well your gonna have to try aren't you? Give me that stick.

You can't stay here can you with whatever is out there?

I'd rather stay here than be with fucking him

Well he's stressed isn't he? Arnt we all?

Yeah I know but you cant just stay here can you?

I want to get out as well, so. This aint gonna work.

It is, just don't put all your weight on it.

It'll take forever, it's going to get dark.

Alright Jon? The sticks [ __ ] useless man, I might as well just hop.

Well it's helping you to walk isn't it?

Sorry mate, I'll find you a crutch.

Something with a bit sticking out at least

It's going dark man. Daz, slow down mate.

What? Nothing.

We need to get somewhere higher up, at least we can see where we are then.

Where?

Where's higher?

I don't know

Fucks sake

You alright Jon? Yeah.

Dandy

See any roads? No. Nothing at all? No

There's a mountain over there

That's not the one we came in on is it? the mountain? No, no, because..I cant see nothing

there's no roads, are you sure we haven't been here before in fact?

We better keep moving

The suns going down, that's it

This is utter bollocks. I'm not walking around there at night.

Or limping around there at night

We can't go this way now can we? look at it, just dense forest. nothing anywhere. And i can't

get down there.

So it's 1am, we've had to pitch a tent ,we're still lost and we don't want to be running

around in the woods with whatever it is that's out there

We haven't had a fire and we're trying to be really quiet because we don't want to attract

any attention to ourselves. We've got no battery left on our phones, which isn't great but as

soon as the sun comes up

we're gonna head in the same direction and we are gonna find a way out of these woods

Right, I'll turn it off. Yeah

*Loud screaming from the forest*

Shit! What the flipping heck was that?

Shh, keep it down man

*loud screaming*

Quiet

What the heck? what's that?

Oh my God Jesus

Come on, go

Which way? down here

*snapping and choking sound*

Woh woh, what was that?

Fred? Freddie?

where is he? Fred Fred.

what the [ __ ] is that?

Mate is that?

Can you see? Is that Fred?

Let's get out of here

Go go go go go

*Branches snapping*

Jesus! Fucking hell

*Heavy breathing*

Daz?

Oh fuck

I can't see

I can't look

Daz?

Daz?

*Heavy breathing, panic sounds*

*Loud screaming*

This is a message for

anyone watching this

*Loud grunting sounds close by*

*Loud screams all around*

i don't think i'm gonna make it out of this forest alive.

steve

kirk

fred and now Daz

have all gone

and i think they're gonna be coming for me soon

*screaming*

I can't run anymore, i feel like my whole body is shutting down

There are creatures in these woods

intelligent creatures that must be destroyed

Holly

I'm sorry

I love you

i'm so so sorry

*screaming and grunting sounds all around*

*Heavy footsteps*

*Jon screaming*

*Screaming*

*ripping sound*

*Screaming and feeding frenzy*

*wind blowing and distant screams*