Original subtitles

Hollywood, California.

The man you're looking at is Joe Saxon.

He's one of many caught in the web of non-reality.

Non-reality.

This is the reason he is here in Hollywood,

the land of the stars.

Joe's ambition is to be one, a star.

A star of motion pictures,

that world of make believe.

So far, Joe has had very little success,

for that road to stardom

can be a long and hard grind.

Unfortunately, Joe has refused

to accept the world of reality,

and has found himself trapped

amongst the monthly payment plans.

He's got a new house, a new car,

a new TV set, swimming pool.

Very impressive to the people here in Hollywood.

But unless the monthly payments are kept up,

there won't be any TV sets or swimming pools.

Time to call his wife

and give her the news of today.

This is Joe's wife, Liz.

Former actress turned artist.

She gave up the business a long time ago.

The insecurity was too much for her.

But then she met Joe, and love won out.

But love can also wear out.

And the bills keep coming,

and the stomach starts to get hungry.

But Joe has another hunger,

that to be a movie star,

even if he has to play make believe all day

just for himself.

Joe Saxon, caught in the world of non-reality.

These are the children of Dennis Kesdekian,

young Greek immigrant.

Dennis is caught in the world of reality.

He must make those monthly payments.

As you can see, he has a lot of mouths to feed.

His English isn't the greatest,

but his desire to succeed is.

And where is there a better place to succeed in

than in America?

Dennis Kesdekian.

A realist.

Hi.

Can I give you a lift?

No, don't!

No, no, don't!

Hey, Joe.

I saw part of your movie this afternoon.

Boy, was it bad!

Hi, honey.

Oh, I was so bored I couldn't sit through the rest of it.

Was it that bad?

It was that bad.

Joe, what are you trying to prove with this party?

You're just spending money that we don't have,

and there's no one here

but a lot of crazy people.

Just let me worry about that.

Well, here you are, Mr. Hall.

Rum and Coke.

Thank you, Joe.

I'll have a little bourbon and soda, Joe.

All right.

Thank you very much.

I saw your picture this afternoon, Joe,

and I must say I thought it was extremely slow.

Of course, but that was just a rough cut.

Rough cuts are usually slow, aren't they?

Oh, I wasn't criticizing your acting, Joe.

It had nothing to do with your acting.

I'm not trying to defend my acting.

I know I'm not the best in the business.

Well, I will have to go along with Arch,

it was a little bit slow, wasn't it?

That's right, Mr. Morgan.

Of course, your judgment is much better than mine.

Well, after all, Arch and I have seen enough rough cuts.

It should be a good film, don't you think?

That's right, Mr. Morgan.

Of course, you have probably seen more rough cuts

than I've seen picture.

Ah, you've got nothing to worry about, Joe.

Before you know it, you put in a little music,

and you put in some sound effects,

and a dissolve and a couple of opticals.

Yeah, a pretty fair little picture.

What is your next picture, Mr. Morgan?

Well, after all, it's a little early

to talk about that.

That's right.

Well, it's just in the planning stage,

but if there's anything for you,

I'll remember you, boy.

That's right, Mr. Morgan.

I thought the racetrack scene of mine

was pretty good, wasn't it?

Say, you know, I like a good scene,

and it was good.

Maybe that's because Joe had so much practice

at Santa Anita.

Yeah, or Hollywood Park, eh?

That's right, Mr. Morgan.

In the pool!

That's right, Mr. Morgan.

Well, here we are.

It's a great place you have here.

Yeah, for the rats.

You got something to drink here?

Yeah, scotch.

You want some?

Yeah.

First we'll have some music, all right?

Proper procedure.

We need some glasses.

And then the booze.

And...

Scotch.

Scotch.

Tell me something, will ya?

What would you like to know?

What do you do for a living?

Oh, I just sort of kill time.

Then why are you dressed in blue jeans and boots

to go dancing for 10 cents a dance?

And then offer me 50 dollars

to bring me to my apartment to talk?

What makes you think I want to talk?

I don't.

You know something? You're a weirdo.

You don't say.

But I think I could get to like you.

Why don't you try?

Why don't you help?

You mean like this?

Mhm.

Hey, what did you do that for?

People are no good!

What do you mean people are no good?

I hate people. They're no good!

Oh, boy, you are a weirdo.

You're cheap!

Cheap?

What's so cheap about 50 dollars?

I hate you.

I'm gonna kill you.

Help!

Help!

No!

Whoa!

We interrupt this program

to bring you a special news bulletin.

At 10:29 this evening,

3 inmates at the state asylum for the criminally insane

successfully made their escape

after slaying five guards

and hurdling the 20 foot barbed-wire wall

that surrounds the institution.

Authorities have identified the escapees as

Herbie Click, Keith Rogers, and Gary Barcroft.

Complete descriptions of these men

will be broadcast at a later hour.

Residents of the Topanga Canyon are hereby warned

to be on the lookout

for the three escaped mental patients.

Any information leading to their whereabouts

should immediately be forwarded to Chief Patton

at district headquarters

or to this radio station.

Do not, we repeat, do not on any account

attempt to apprehend these men on your own.

They are armed and extremely dangerous.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled program.

Well, I guess we didn't have

all the lunatics at our party tonight.

I wish you'd just forget about that.

I'd like to forget about it.

I'd like to forget about Hollywood, for good.

Come on. What's the matter with you tonight?

It's just that I don't like to see you

living in a dreamworld all the time.

Now, what do you mean by that?

I don't think you know the difference between reality

and the roles you play.

Here we are up to our necks in debt,

and you throw a party.

We can't even pay the rent,

much less the liquor bill.

You let me worry about that.

Oh, Joe, can't we go away for a while?

You know I can't leave the telephone.

It might ring any minute

with the part I've been waiting for.

Oh, Joe.

Hi.

Marsha? Tony!

Come here!

I thought I told you never to talk to strangers!

And now for the local news.

Early this morning, police discovered the body

of dance hostess Erina Devore,

in her apartment at 465 South Main Street in Los Angeles.

Investigating officers located the murder weapon,

a pair of household scissors,

near her mutilated corpse.

Fingerprints found at the scene of the crime

have led police officials to believe

Miss Devore's assailant is Mort "Mad Dog" Click,

long wanted by the authorities of other states

for similar horrendous crimes.

A statewide manhunt has been organized

for the deranged, psychopathic killer.

Also on the local scene,

Chief of Police Drummond disclosed today

his department has no further clues

to the identity of the murderer

of traveling salesman Dennis Kesdekian,

whose body was found yesterday out on Highway 101.

According to the victim's wife,

Mr. Kesdekian was en route to Lancaster

to conclude a business transaction.

Kesdekian's car, a blue 1953 Plymouth station wagon,

is believed to have been stolen by his killer.

And now for other news.

There has been no further word

on the three mental patients

who escaped yesterday from the state asylum at...

What do we owe you, Linda?

It's on the house.

Since you two are getting married next month,

just consider it a little wedding present from me.

Well, thank you.

Oh, and by the way, where are you two living

after you get married?

Ron found a place real cheap right near here.

Ol' Hank Lowry's place.

And I haven't seen it yet,

but Ron says it's just great.

Well, I hope you two know what you're doing.

The last time I was over at old Hank's place

there was nothing but a bunch of weeds.

Oh, Ron can change that.

Yeah.

Goodbye, Linda.

And thanks again for the breakfast.

How about a cup of coffee for a weary traveler?

Well, if it isn't Cousin Elizabeth from Glitter City.

What are you all doing way out here in the sticks, honey?

It's a long story.

Well, tell Cousin Linda all about it.

She has nice, long ears.

I just can't take it anymore.

Phony actors, phony life, I'm just bored.

Speaking of actors, how is your handsome husband?

I wouldn't know.

I left before he got up this morning.

Without saying goodbye?

I left him a note.

Well, there it is, honey.

It needs a little work,

but for only a hundred bucks down,

what more could we ask?

Just great.

Just like I pictured it.

Come on, we'll fix it up.

Come on, I'll show you around.

Hank.

Maybe he's around back.

Hank?

Hank? Where are you?

Oh, he's not here.

He's here somewhere,

'cause he knew we were coming out to see the place today.

Come on.

He's close.

Record player's still going.

Wait here a second.

Hank?

Hank? Where are you?

Hank? Where are you?

He's not in there.

Let's go out back,

there's something I wanna show you anyway.

Oh, I forgot my radio.

We'll get it later.

What are your plans for this?

Well, I thought we'd fix it up and rent it out, maybe.

It's got an upstairs,

room for a couple of bedrooms.

Come on, I'll show ya.

Hank!

You lookin' for Hank?

Here he is.

Run!

You've got to escape!

Hey.

What are you doing?

Who are you?

We're having a little party.

Who are you? What do you want?

I'd like to introduce you to...

Brother Keith.

Keith, say hello.

Say hello. Say hello!

Say "Hello, Keith."

Say "Hello, Keith." - Hello, Keith.

Hey.

Say hello to Gary.

Gary. Say, "Hello, Gary."

- Gary. - Say, "Hello, Gary."

Gary. Hello, Gary.

You want money?

- Hello, Gary. - Hello, Gary.

Hello, Keith.

Hello, girl.

- Don't hurt her! - Back, back, back!

Don't hurt her.

Keith, say "Hello, lady."

Gary, do you want money?

Lift up.

Keith, say "Hello, lady."

- You want money, Gary? - Keith, say "Hello, lady."

Hello, lady.

Lady, say hello to Keith.

Say hello to Keith!

Lady, say "Hello, Keith."

Lady, say "Hello, Keith."

Lady, say "Hello, Keith."

Say hello to him.

Would you come here for a minute, Gary?

Fella, say hello to Gary.

No!

Keith, would you like her?

Keith, would you like that broad?

Keith, say hello to the lady.

Lady, Keith.

Go get her, Keith. Go on in, Keith.

No. No, Keith.

No, Keith, Keith, no.

No, Keith.

Would you like her for a game...

Keith, would you like that girl for a party?

Me?

Yeah.

Yeah, you. Would you like that broad?

Yeah.

Yeah!

Well then, hurry up!

Bring her out here.

Bring her out here.

Do what you want!

Keith, no!

No, Keith.

Don't hurt her!

Don't hurt her!

Don't hurt her!

Don't hurt her! Don't hurt her!

Open it.

I didn't do it, Gary.

Open it.

Open the door.

Get him, Gary.

Get him, get him, hit him!

I didn't do it, Gary.

Hit him, Gary. Get him!

Hit him! Hit him!

I told you, don't lock me in!

No!

I told you, you lousy, rotten shrew,

don't lock me in!

Gary, please.

Hold it, Gary. Hold it, boy.

Take it easy, take it easy.

Calm down, Gary.

Calm down, Gary. Calm down.

Calm, man.

Hold it, Gary.

Cool it, baby. Cool it.

The girl, Gary!

Hold it, Gary.

The girl! The girl!

Go, go, go!

Nobody touch her, nobody touch her.

No touching, no touching.

No!

Come on, honey.

How we doin', honey?

3:15, and time once again for-

Hey!

The Happy Time Hour with Uncle Big John.

Hello, kiddies.

This is your own Uncle Big John,

to tell you another of your favorite stories.

Big Uncle Big John is going to tell you

the story of...

Little Red Riding Hood.

No, don't run anymore.

Now, you stop.

Don't run.

Stop!

Stop!

Ride out to the woods.

Wolf, you fiend, your time has come.

And chopped off the wolf's head.

And her grandmother and the hunter

lived happily ever after.

Good morning, baby.

Hey, you forgot my breakfast this morning.

Not exactly.

You remember Mr. Morgan.

Well, hello, Liz.

Mr. Morgan, this is Liz's cousin, Linda.

Hi.

I'm very happy to know you, Linda.

George is a producer and he's looking for a location

for his next film.

Since Liz was up here, I thought I'd bring him up

and show him your diner.

Ah, this is the greatest.

Just what I've been looking for, Joe.

Beautiful.

Yes, sir.

This place really has a lot of character.

Hey, you left mighty early this morning.

If you came to take me back with you,

you might as well just turn around

and go back to Hollywood.

Oh, let's not have a fight before breakfast.

You know, we dirty up these walls a little,

this will make a great set for the murder sequence.

Keith, come on!

Keith, come on, what are you doing?

Oh, cool it, Dad.

I had to get a shirt, didn't I?

I had to get a shirt!

Come on!

Let's go.

If we can dirty up the walls a little,

we can use the place.

And I'll pay you a hundred bucks a day.

I don't know. I just painted the place.

We can re-do it when we finish.

Well, can I feed my customers while you're shooting?

Well, I'm sorry but...

I'll tell you what you can do.

You can feed my cast and crew,

you'll make just as much, maybe even more.

What are you stopping here for?

Because I gotta get some hot coffee down me.

And I gotta call my brother in L.A.

so he can help us.

Let me out, I want a beer.

Yeah, yeah, a beer.

Hello.

Hello.

Could you possibly direct me

to the nearest telephone?

Yeah, it's right over there around the corner.

Thank you very much, lady.

Pardon me, Mr. Morgan.

Surely.

Oh, these darn flies.

Now, you listen to me, you little tramp.

If I had wanted that door closed,

I would've closed it myself.

So you keep your filthy hands off of-

Gary, please!

Gary, Gary.

For God's sake, calm down.

Will you calm down?

Calm down.

You see, my friend there

has a terrible case of claustrophobia.

Remember that broadcast we heard last night?

Could these be the men that escaped

from the insane asylum?

What will you fellas have?

Give me a beer.

Me too.

Can I have a beer too, Gary?

I'll have a beer.

Yeah, I'm at Topanga Canyon.

I'm okay, I'm okay.

Don't worry about it.

Look, I need your help bad.

I got a couple of nuts with me.

A couple of nuts, huh?

So, what do you want me to do about it?

I've got problems of my own.

I want you to help me, buddy.

Help me.

Now look...

I got bread, don't worry about it.

Uh...

Poor old Hank.

Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

He had dandruff.

What a mess.

Now, how do you expect me to open it

without an opener?

Why don't you just pop the top?

Just pop the top?

Pop the top.

Come up through L.A.,

and turn off the left at Topanga Canyon,

and it's the bottom of the hill.

It's the Pleasant Inn.

I gotta shake these guys.

Yeah?

Well, my time's valuable.

You got some money?

You got some real change?

'Cause I don't do nothin' for nothin'.

I got the bread, I got money.

I'll wait here for you.

Okay, brother?

Make it fast, boy.

Okay.

See ya.

Hey, what do you think you're doing?

I'm taking cigarette change.

Hey, fella, put that money back.

Drop it, buddy.

Down, down, down!

Relax.

Ain't nobody gonna get hurt.

Feel better?

Now...

Hey, why don't you play some music?

Down!

Get your hands off there.

Well, I want some change for the jukebox.

Well, you ask for it.

May I have a quarter?

Yes.

Would you please get me...

You!

Get me a cup of coffee.

I would like a cup of coffee.

Now.

Hey, you, hey, Curly!

That your pictures over there?

That you? Huh?

- Yeah. - Huh?

What are you, a movie star or something?

Hey.

Hey, Curly, you a movie star?

Yeah, yeah.

He's got his pictures all over the place.

That's right, that's him.

An honest to goodness movie star.

Yeah!

He's a movie star!

Hey, can I put his head up there with his pictures?

No, no, no, no.

Keith, you had one, I want this one.

Take the girl.

Take the girl.

Let me have his head on the wall!

No, no, no.

Keith, Keith, Keith!

You take the girl.

I'll take big boy.

Go ahead, take the girl.

Movie star.

Take the girl!

Movie star, how about you and me

play a little scene together.

Okay?

Come on, on the set.

Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, boy!

Up!

Now, let me see.

Muscle man, let me see the muscles.

Muscles up.

Come on, now!

Let me see the muscles.

Come on.

Okay.

Coffee.

I need some coffee.

Okay.

Now, muscle man.

Get ready for Samson's death scene.

Oh, come on now.

This thing's gone about far enough.

Come on, beetle man, get over there!

You're awfully brave with a gun in your hand.

Shut up!

Coffee!

Coffee.

No, no, no, Keith!

No, no, no, no, no.

You got her!

She got hair, she got hair.

See this?

That's for you. Right there, right there, right there.

A little closer.

You see the barrel?

Close your mouth, close your mouth,

close your mouth, close your mouth.

Close it!

Okay, coffee.

Coffee, coffee.

Coffee!

Get over here, broad.

Now...

All right.

When the director says "Action!", that means death.

Okay. Ready?

I want your last meal.

Oh, can I have your last meal?

No last meal?

Okay, okay.

Ready?

Camera...

Roll 'em.

Act...

Herbie!

What's the matter?

What's the matter, Herbie?

Poison!

Run, honey!

Hold it!

Take care of him, George.

I can handle that little squirt.

Linda, call the police.

Don't try getting away.

Hey, you!

Hey, you!

Run, Liz, run!

Oh, Joe!

Get some help.

A madman's after my husband,

you've gotta help me!

Get in the car.

Liz!

Liz!

Where you taking me?

Stop this car!

No, no, no, no!

No!

I don't wanna go back!

Don't take me back!

No, no, no!

I don't wanna go back!

I want my ax!

No! I don't wanna go back!

No, no, no!

Joe, where's Liz and that guy with a knife?

Don't worry about him, he fell down a ravine.

Liz...

isn't she here?

I saw her get in a station wagon and ride off.

I thought she came back here for help.

What was the make on the station wagon?

Oh, it was a blue '53 or '54 Plymouth.

Sounds like the make we got on that APB yesterday.

If that's the guy she's with

then she's in real trouble.

Which way did they go?

I saw them headed north.

Get in the car and get an APB on him.

Right.

You come with me.

Car 70313.

Confirmation on APB '53 blue Plymouth wagon,

last seen heading north on Topanga Canyon.

Possible assault and kidnap.

Suspect may be armed.

Get this guy back to the station then give me a call.

I may need you later.

Right.

Proceed with caution.

10-4, out.

All right, let's go.

Suspect's car north on Red Rock Road.

Am in pursuit.

Heading towards Red Rock Canyon Road.

Cars 21 and 22, intercept.

Stop this car!

Let me out of here!

The police are behind us,

you'll never get away with this!

Come on.

Come on!

No, no!

Take the motorcycle and cut him off at the pass.

You that way.

You two go that way.

Let's go, Joe.

Oh, Joe!

It's Mad Dog Click on a horse!

Oh, what a relief to be able to just relax.

Boy, I've had enough excitement

to last me a lifetime.

I'm so glad you decided to give up acting.

Honey, we're going on a long vacation.

And when I get back,

I'm going to take a regular job, 9 to 5.

Do you really mean it?

Mhm.

Is that you, Joe baby?

Listen, I'm in Palm Springs.

And I've just decided to give you the lead

in my next picture.

Yeah, it's 5,000 a week for 10 weeks, guaranteed.

And you're going to be starred

opposite my new discovery.

Miss Transylvania.

Well, who is it, honey?

It's George.

Oh, what does he want?

He wants me for the lead in his next picture

with Miss Transylvania.

I'm glad you decided to give up...

Lead!

5,000 a week, 10 weeks.

Well...

Maybe we can postpone our vacation.

Hey, who's this Miss Transylvania?

George?

George, are you there?

George? George?

George?

George, are you there?

George? George?