Original subtitles

Harvey, why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

Harvey, why does a love kiss stay in my memory?

All hands on deck.

We'll run afloat.

You all right there?

Yeah, OK, thanks.

Which way are you heading?

Highgarth Farm.

That's miles from here. Tell you what, we're going that way.

Why don't you hop in?

Sorry, no offence. Oh, you're all right.

Parrot, pieces of eight, I've heard it all.

What's your name?

Stainsbury. Malcolm Stainsbury.

Walked from post once, so far, with not two good legs.

You from round here, then, are you?

Was.

I've been back since war.

Not again.

It's time you had something a bit more reliable than a pushbike.

I'm putting you down for a driving course.

When?

HQ run them every six months.

You have a licence, I assume?

Yes. Just as well.

You're no use to me stuck indoors playing with your inner tube.

As soon as you're on four wheels instead of two, the better.

There you go.

Something needs to change much.

No, it hasn't.

I thought I'd recognise it.

Hello.

What is it?

Nothing to worry about. We were just giving Malcolm here a lift.

Malcolm?

Hello, love.

I'm back.

Sorry.

You all right?

You do know Malcolm?

Malcolm's my husband.

He's dead.

Who's this, then?

It's me, Diane, love.

I'm home.

There's the death certificate.

It's there in black and white.

Well, then it's wrong. I'm here, aren't I?

I know I've changed, but you must recognise me.

It says clearly Malcolm Stainsby died in London in July 1944.

Oh, well...

I nearly died.

It's complicated.

As far as I can make out, I'd gone to pictures in London and cinema was hit by

doodle book.

Flying bomb.

When they dug me out, I had no papers, nothing.

No idea who I was, neither.

What have you been doing since then?

Well, I was in hospital, but I had no memory.

I didn't even know my own name.

And since then, I've knocked her round, but my memory's still not good. It's

been hard.

And it's taken you all this time to find out who you are?

I met a bloke who thought he recognised me.

He said I was Malcolm Stainsby.

So I had to find out.

You're saying that you're not certain, though?

I wasn't, but as soon as I got here, I was.

Diane, you're not so sure?

How can I be after all this time?

He looks like Malcolm.

I just don't know.

I've got this.

You.

Your face.

It's the only bit of my past I've got. It's what kept me going.

Hoping I'd find you again.

You have now.

Like I said, I'm home.

It's not that easy.

I'm married.

Married again.

To Ernie Bell.

You remember Ernie. He was working on the farm when you were away at the war.

What are we going to do?

You don't mind us leaving you on your own with him.

I'm a bit concerned you don't know who he is for certain.

It could be Malcolm.

They never found his body.

There was always a chance.

I always thought there was a chance.

And what if it isn't Malcolm?

Suppose I'll find out.

And if he is, we've got a lot of catching up to do.

Well, give us a call if you need to.

Good luck.

Hey.

What's he up to? Well, I know.

Well, he's on your land going asking.

Hello?

What are you doing?

Oh, hold on.

Sorry, man. Did you mean me?

Drop your bag.

Mushrooms?

You're nicking our mushrooms?

I know my rights. I can pick all the wild mushrooms I want.

I'm legally entitled.

Well, if you say so. That's the fuzz.

Wild mushrooms is a free -for -all.

I just don't know what you want with the horrible looking things.

Do me a favour. Get rid of them.

Sure, that's very nice of you, but why?

Well, you don't want her, and I know some geezers in London who'll pay good

money for her.

What do they want with her?

Feed their heads.

It's grain food.

Fungi can make you a fungi.

Well, they're better than me.

Not so great as four.

You what?

Younger.

Someone's dropped out of the driving course. I've managed to wangle you a

Excellent. It's in three weeks' time.

I'll let you have the details when they come through.

Cheer up, Jeff.

I never have.

Already has.

Sergeant Miller's booked me on a driving course.

Well, what's the problem?

I had to wait years to get on one.

Licence. It's only provisional.

You can't put L plates on a panda.

Have you booked your test yet?

I was going to.

Look, Alf's got a mate at the test centre. Maybe he could bump you up the

a bit, eh?

Well, Alf's on a fishing trip.

Only for a couple of days. How long have you got?

Three weeks.

Three weeks?

Why don't you just tell Sergeant Miller the truth, eh?

I'll wait.

I'll have a word with Alf.

Leave me untitled?

I... legally entitled to take apples from the greengrocer. It doesn't mean I

don't have to pay for them.

They're horrible red spotty things. No one's going to want them. Well, he did.

And you gave them to him for free.

Sometimes I despair of you, David.

Your problem is you've got a big heart and the business acumen of a turnip.

Where do you think you're going?

I'm feeling a bit peckish. Never mind that. If there's mushrooms out there,

we're going to get them.

Why? We're going to find our own daft folk to sell them to.

Are you interested, Jeff?

No, I'm not.

I'm selling it for my brother. I've checked it over. It's in good nick.

Yeah, it looks very nice.

Why don't you take it for a test drive?

The keys are inside.

Well, you best come too.

I trust you.

You're hardly likely to run off with it, are you?

No.

No, but seeing as it's your brother's, I think it's best that you cut.

OK, if you like.

I'll just tell Bernie.

Recognise this?

It was a wedding present, wasn't it?

You do remember something.

It's a muddle.

It's like being lost in a mist.

About Ernie, I didn't have any choice.

I couldn't run the farm on my own and have no family nowhere else to go. You

couldn't have known.

If you want me to go, if it would be easier, just say.

Where would you go?

Back to no fixed abode.

You get used to it.

That's Ernie.

Do you want me to talk to him?

No, wait.

What's up?

It's Malcolm.

No.

Sorry about this.

Malcolm's dead.

No, he stood in front of you, look.

Get out!

Ernie, it's Malcolm, can't you see?

Get him! Get out of here!

I'm not used to that gear stick. You're not used to driving?

How did you pass your test?

I didn't.

What on earth are you playing at, Jeff?

I thought if I bought the car I could practice somewhere off -road and improve

bit. You need driving lessons.

Hey!

Hey! Do you know if I buy the car, will you teach me how to drive it?

I'm not qualified or anything.

Oh, but if you need the practice... Oh, thanks ever so much. I'll make it up to

you. Hey, hang on, hang on.

You're not going anywhere until you put some L -plates on.

It's against the law.

Get in.

Hold on.

Come in.

I think I might know what this was about. I reckon you do. You brought him

house.

I can see it's complicated.

What's complicated about it?

He's a crook. He's trying to con me out of the farm.

Come on, sit down.

Come on, sit yourself down. I'll get you a glass of water.

You didn't borrow the doctor.

I want him dealt with, and if you don't do something about it, I will.

Hey, you know what the punishment is for bigamy? Go on.

Two mother -in -laws.

Do you not have anything to do?

Did he speak with the solicitor?

Yes. Diane's not a bigot. She had her first husband's death certificate, so

second marriage was valid.

He said no offence had been committed.

I've still got Annie Bell making threats.

I told him not to do anything stupid.

I think it's something you should let them sort out themselves.

Can this man actually prove that he's Malcolm Stansby?

I'm not sure, but Diane seems to believe him.

That farm must be worth quite a bit.

And our friend turns up out of the blue, claims it belongs to him.

Could be a con job.

How do I find out whether Stainsby really is who he says he is?

Bit of old -fashioned legwork.

I'd like a word with Malcolm Stainsby. It's not Malcolm, I've told you.

How can you be so certain of that?

I knew Malcolm.

I grew up with him.

Well, that must have been before the war.

There must be something that makes you so certain.

It's not him, and I've told him to get off the farm or else.

What about Diane?

She don't want him here any more than I do.

Just won't take to his face.

We'll try and sort this out.

Did Ernie call you?

He came to see me earlier.

He says Malcolm's an imposter.

He's got no way of knowing that.

He's hardly even spoken to him.

Is he here?

He's asleep.

He was worn out.

And it's best he keeps out of Ernie's way for the moment.

Maybe Malcolm should move out until you've established that he really is who

says he is. But I can't put him out if he is Malcolm.

Don't you think he needs to prove that first?

He looks like Malcolm.

The colour of his eyes, everything.

He sounds like him, even talks like him.

And even though he doesn't remember much, there are things he knows about

None of that is hard evidence.

He's got my photo.

And that's how I feel.

I know that's nothing that would stand up in court, but I know Malcolm.

Look. I spoke to a solicitor earlier.

Ernie is legally your husband now.

In effect, your first marriage was dissolved.

But when you love someone... I've never stopped loving

him.

Where does that leave Ernie?

Where does that leave any of us?

I don't know.

Yeah.

I can see the moon.

Who's that?

You're on my lap.

You bad doggy. You want to get me into trouble, you are.

And why is that?

Oh, well, just running off into your private woods and making me follow

That's the only reason you're here, is it?

Yeah.

Well, I mean, no.

There are the, uh, mushrooms.

Mushrooms? Yeah. Well, everyone in London eats them.

I'll see you back next week.

Hello. Is it business or pleasure?

Work, I'm afraid. I wanted some advice.

A man called Malcolm Stainsbridge turned up at Highgarth Farm. He says that he

was badly injured during the war and has completely lost his memory.

Is there any way of proving that?

I'd really need to examine him.

Yeah, but in theory, could he have completely forgotten everything from the

first 20 or so years of his life?

There is a condition called traumatic retrograde amnesia.

It happens more in books and films than in real life. By the looks of him, he

certainly had some head injuries at some time.

If he sustained brain damage, then he could have amnesia.

Does that answer your question?

Yes and no.

I don't suppose you've got his old medical record.

He's local, so he would have been a patient.

How long ago?

Before 1944.

But it's more complicated than that.

He was believed to have been dead.

They'll have gone to the Family Practitioner Committee.

Chances are they'll have been destroyed by now.

Why are you involved?

Has he committed a crime?

Everyone thought he was dead and his wife's remarried.

You said Highgarth Farm.

Is it Diane Bell you're talking about? Yeah, that's right.

I'm trying to establish whether this man Stainsby is genuine or not.

But it's one hell of a problem for them if he is. You are keeping an eye on

them, aren't you?

Ernie's got a heart condition. It's very... A shock like this could kill

Well, that could solve the problem at stroke, so to speak.

Sorry.

I'd be worried about Diane, too.

I can't be sure, but I suspect Ernie's been violent towards her in the past.

told you that?

No, but I've seen the signs.

Unexplained bruises, the odd black eye.

Why didn't you tell me?

There was no point.

She wouldn't press charges.

She relies on him totally.

So you don't remember Stainsby?

No, he was younger than me.

Is Oscar around?

No, he's had a golfing tournament.

Before his time and all.

Tell you who I do remember, though, Diane.

She was a right stunner, she was. Could have had her pick.

How come she ended up with Ernie Bell?

Well, I suppose he was working on the farm and she couldn't manage it without

him. It was an odd time, the end of the war. People's lives were turned upside

down.

They really were beauty and the beast.

It's a bit unfair, isn't it, Bernie?

It was true, though.

It was always a bit in Malcolm's shadow, was Ernie.

Have you talked to Clifford Chapel?

Clifford over there. He will account, Malcolm.

Oh, thanks. I'll have a word. If you're not back in two hours, we'll send a

search party.

It's a bit low in Liverpool, so... And he's very boring.

I hear you knew Malcolm Stainsby.

That's a name from the past.

Why are you asking?

His name's come up in the course of an inquiry.

You did know him, then?

Oh, I certainly did.

As a matter of fact, I was the best man at his wedding.

Joined up for the Navy on the same day as him as well. I could tell you some

stories about Malcolm.

And do you know about the circumstances of his death?

I was there when it happened.

One of the first on the scene. Worst night of my life.

I know this sounds like an odd question, but did you actually see Malcolm's

body?

There was nothing to see.

There were 60 or 70 people in that cinema. After the bomb dropped, it was a

of rubble and a hole in the ground.

Could he have survived?

I don't see how.

And they found his papers, didn't they?

So there's no doubt in your mind that he died that night?

Well, I've not seen him since, if that's what you're asking.

When something like that happens, there's so much confusion.

I suppose mistakes do get made.

One thing I learned in the Navy, no -one knows anything.

But why this sudden interest in Malcolm?

Well, if you wouldn't mind coming with me, I'll explain.

Lunchtime tomorrow, then.

I don't know if my nerves are up to it.

Look, that sheet wasn't hurt, though.

It was just a bit winded. You shouldn't have been in reverse in the first place.

Oh, OK.

Lunchtime tomorrow.

Right.

Rosie had a dark up.

What's going on with you and Rosie, then?

Nothing. I heard you're making a date with her.

Yeah, yeah, I was, yeah.

So you're going out?

Yeah, yeah, we're just going out.

Nothing else.

Oh, I think that's lovely.

I don't believe it.

You remember me?

No, I'm sorry.

I know the face.

I'm Clifford.

And I know you. We were best pals.

Ever since Ashfordly Elementary School.

Ernie was there too.

Was there a Mrs Skinner?

She was our teacher.

Very handy with a cane, she was.

This will hurt me more than it will hurt you.

Sir!

This has got to be Malcolm.

He's got a bottle of something down. We should be celebrating.

You're sure about this?

I'd know him anyway.

Who'd have believed it?

Ernie, love.

I told you I wanted him out.

Hang on.

This is Malcolm.

It's his house. He was born here.

He's no more Malcolm than I am.

Now you, listen you.

This is my house, my land, my wife.

And you're not getting your mucky hands on any of them. Do you hear me?

You've had your fun.

Now you can get on your way. All of you.

Ernie.

I'll call Dr Trent.

I don't have no doctor.

Someone should check you over.

He's not into this right now.

Why don't you come back to my place? I've got a spare room if Ernie's not

feeling too clever. It's a good idea.

I don't want to cause any more trouble than I have already.

I'll see you soon, love.

What are you doing?

I'll see you soon, but I have to talk to Ernie first.

Helen, it's Rob.

Could you come up to Highgarth Farm?

I'm worried about Ernie. I didn't want any of this to happen, but it has.

How long?

Don't you don't know what you're doing?

No, I don't.

It's all going round in my head and I can't make any sense of any of it. OK.

Bye. You'll have to give me time.

It's not happening yet.

Why not?

All I am is your skiffy. You could pay someone to cook and do the washing. It's

all you need. It doesn't do. No, it won't do.

I don't want this life anymore.

Go on.

Say something.

Tell me why I should put up with any of this for a minute longer.

He's nothing but a liar.

He's still a better bet than you.

Don't you ever talk to me like that!

Ernie, please.

This isn't doing you any good. Go and sit down.

The doctor's on her way.

wasting her time.

Let him go.

He'll calm down.

He'll give me time to make me mind up.

I have to decide, don't I?

Rapidly, please.

It's a cracker chapel.

I've just got up and Malcolm's disappeared.

Oh, well, maybe he's gone back to see Diane.

I've tried that. She hasn't seen him.

I'm worried something might have happened to him. I found that stick he

The crutch. It was lying in the lane outside.

All right, well, I'll see what I can do.

Thanks for letting me know.

Trouble? Probably.

Malcolm's disappeared.

Mind you, I might have done the same if I had any issues.

Better go.

Hey, morning, Romeo.

Good lad.

And if you like them, there's plenty more where they came from.

What do I do with them?

Well, mushroom soup, mushrooms on toast, fried mushrooms, whatever you like.

No, I don't fancy them at all.

Oh, try a few.

And the other thing in London, a rare and much sought -after mushroom

They look more like toadstools to me.

Have you had any? Not as you had.

Well, I wouldn't. I'm pretty sure they're poisonous.

You must be joking.

No. No, I'm not. I've seen them in a book.

I can't take the wrist peg.

Thanks anyway.

I've got ten pounds.

There's a deposit for the car.

Oh, great.

I shall come down.

Oh! Don't wear you up.

Sorry to interrupt.

An old young dream.

I do understand.

What are you on about?

Oh, Gina told me. And I'm very happy for both of you.

I won't answer.

What's going on?

I might have given Gina the impression that we're going out.

Well, if you told Gina, then the whole village will know by now.

At least they don't think I'm having driving lessons.

Oh, that's OK, isn't it? Exactly.

Anyway, I've taken a day's leave so we can make it a long lesson today.

Hang on a minute, Jeff. This is getting silly. I've got to do some work.

Oh. All right.

I'll wait till lunchtime, then.

Give me time to swat up on me highway code.

You do that.

Well, I suppose we'll be seeing a lot more of him from now on, then, eh?

Malcolm hasn't been in touch at all?

No, I haven't heard a word.

Do you think he's all right?

Well, we won't know until we've found him.

Can you think of anywhere where he might have gone?

I've no idea.

But I could bear not seeing him again.

I hardly slept last night thinking about him.

What about Ernie? Where's he?

He was up early. I haven't seen him.

Well, can you tell him we need to talk to him?

You think he's got something to do with Malcolm going missing?

Is that what you're saying?

We need to speak to him.

How are you feeling?

I'm fine. Why?

You haven't eaten any of these funny mushrooms, have you?

Oh, that's stupid.

Why do you ask?

Oh, Gina thinks they might be just a little bit poisonous.

Oh, weck.

What?

Well, I haven't eaten any, but I did sell some.

Oh, it's your fault. I've always gone about how I've got no business sense.

did you sell them to?

Lord Ashfordly. Oh, come with me.

Michael, no, I can't. I'm working. You can forget about working forever if

you've poisoned a lord.

They put you in the tower for that.

I've driven all round.

Can't see hide and hair of him.

Maybe he got a lift.

You're probably right.

Can hardly walk without this.

When was the last time you saw him?

We sat up last night.

We were going through these things, old photos and whatnot.

My mum never threw anything away and I'm no better.

The more we looked, the more he seemed to remember.

Suddenly it was the old Malcolm.

So you went to bed late?

It was after midnight.

I was up again at 7 .30, but he was gone. His bed hadn't even been slept in.

didn't mention anywhere he might go?

Nothing at all.

Well, we've had no luck finding him so far.

I'll keep you informed.

Malcolm?

Malcolm?

Better call an ambulance.

Yes? Good morning.

Is Lord Ashfordly in residence?

He's not available at the moment.

Now, that's a shame, because, you see, our David here gave his lordship some

mushrooms yesterday, and we're afraid that they might have been a little bit

the stale side.

So we would like to replace them, free of charge, of course.

Too late, I'm afraid. His Lordship insisted on me making him a mushroom

for his breakfast.

And how did he feel?

I beg your pardon?

Has he been acting strange at all?

It's not always easy to tell with his Lordship, and currently he's out

So he's not dead yet, then?

Not as far as I'm aware.

We'd better just go and have a word with him.

He's lost a lot of blood and he's hypothermic.

Is that just from the fall or is there any sign of attack?

I can't rule that out, but it's hard to tell.

I'd have to go with him to Ashfordly General. Could someone take my car?

I'll do that, of course.

See you later.

I thought he was dead when I got down there.

You think Ernie Bell's behind this?

I think we could ask him.

Oh, there he is. Oh, come out and fight, you purple beggars.

What's he shooting at?

Hey, I can hide that easily.

In the mangrove swamp where the titan romps, there is peace in the world, too.

Even caribous lie around and snooze. There's nothing else to do.

But mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun.

What's he doing?

These aristocrats, they get like that because of the inbreeding.

I would suggest it has rather more to do with Merasmus Ricodes.

Who's that?

The mushrooms you gave Lord Ashfordly.

You see?

They're also known as blue cats, and they have strong hallucinogenic

Oh, it'll wear off soon.

And anyway, he's not doing any arm here, is he?

There. You see?

He's settled down already.

Obviously, definitely not.

Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun. Out in the midday sun.

What were you doing?

You could have killed us.

I dropped something on the floor. You liar. You were hiding from Rob and Phil.

wasn't. You were. I wasn't.

I'm going to argue with you.

I've had enough.

Here's your money back.

Why? Because you're never going to be able to drive if you spend the whole

flaming time with one eye on the road and the other over your shoulder.

You can get the bus back.

There you go.

Thanks for doing that.

No worries.

Now with me.

Still regaining consciousness. He's a bit groggy.

This is for you.

Malcolm Stainsby's medical notes.

The family practitioner committee said it'd take up to a month to find this.

Yeah, that's what they told me.

So I helped myself.

According to his notes, Malcolm Stainsby had his appendix removed in 1932.

So he should have an appendectomy scar.

And does he? No.

There's no sign of a scar at all.

He isn't Malcolm Stainsby.

It's there.

Now, you're going to have to be very, very careful.

Me?

Well, you got us into this mess.

Go on.

And see he doesn't shoot somebody.

Go back or they'll pick up the scent.

They will.

Well, use your eyes, man. They're 12 -foot iron -bright purple.

Oh, them.

Magnificent brutes, aren't they? With a bit of bushcraft, we can take them

alive.

Oh, well, you won't be needing the gun, then, will you?

No, I'm using biscuits.

You can, too.

See that little fellow over there?

Pop one into his mouth.

He? Don't be scared.

Gentle as lambs once you get to know them.

I'll just put the gun away first.

The light!

Look at the light!

Mad golfing Englishmen go out in the midday, out in the midday, out in the

midday, out in the midday, out in the midday, out in the midday, out in the

midday fun!

We know you're not Malcolm Stainsby.

Do you want to start by telling me who you really are?

I can't remember.

It's all gone.

Come on. I think we're a bit beyond that by now, aren't we?

I've sedated him.

But you'll have to wait to interview him. He's going to be quite poorly.

Thanks to Dave, too.

It was completely irresponsible to give him the mushrooms when you didn't know

what they were.

And illegal.

I don't know what we're dealing with. He could be supplying drugs.

Poisoning, even.

Hold on.

Them mushrooms are perfectly legal.

So you say.

Look, if you were growing them... No.

No. Lord Ashfordly were growing them. They were found on his land.

Any row.

We didn't know he was going to be daft enough to eat them, did we?

That's why he bought them.

Hold on, let me get this straight.

You picked the mushrooms on Ashfordly's land and then you sold them to him? We

were legally entitled.

Tell him, David.

Yeah, that's right.

You can pick mushrooms for yourself, but if it's for commercial gain, then

that's theft.

I need to know your real name.

It's Farrell.

Alexander Farrell.

Friends used to call me Alex.

When I used to have friends.

Why did you pretend to be Malcolm Stainsby?

It wasn't my idea.

Whose was it, then?

There's no harm being done. We didn't go through with it. Can't you just leave

it be? What about the harm you've done to Diane and Ernie Bell?

Doesn't that count?

Who dreamt this up?

Clifford Chapel.

Go on.

He saw me in a hospital.

I was down on my luck.

And he thought that you looked like Malcolm.

He said I was a spitting image of him. Said he wouldn't be for long. I had no

idea.

And then all of a sudden there was you and the husband.

And then she kissed me.

I had to get out.

How do you mean?

I ran off from Chapel's house last night, but he came after me.

I told him I couldn't do it any more.

I'd go away, no one would ever see me again.

And what did he do?

He flipped.

Next thing I knew, I was falling.

I can't tell you any more.

I don't want any trouble.

I'm afraid you've got him.

I've got some bad news, I'm afraid.

It isn't Malcolm.

No. There isn't any doubt.

He was put up to it.

I'm sorry.

Alex Farrell.

The man you swore was Malcolm Stainsby has given us a full account of what

happened.

Did he tell you about how he's not right in the head?

He's been in and out of mental hospitals for years.

So he couldn't have planned the impersonation without help, could he?

Preferably from somebody who knew the man well.

You've done enough damage as it is.

If you had an ounce of decency, you'd tell us the truth now.

OK, let's start from the beginning.

You met Farrell and saw that he looked like Malcolm.

And yet everyone knew he was dead.

Why did you think you could get away with it?

Diane told me once years ago she never believed it.

She always dreamed he'd come back one day.

So the plan was Diane would take Malcolm back and then what?

I knew how he only would take him.

All I had to do was leave it for a bit and then tell him that for, say, £3 ,000

I could make Malcolm disappear, no questions asked.

So you're going to blackmail him?

But I didn't.

You've got nothing on me. But you did try and make Farrell disappear.

He refused to go along with your plan, so you went after him.

You argued, you hit him. No.

It was an accident, I swear it.

He slipped.

But you thought you'd killed him, though, didn't you?

Otherwise you wouldn't have rung the police.

I'm charging you with attempted murder.

And I dread to think what your little stunt has done to Ernie and Diane Bell.

I don't want apologies. I want the book thrown at them.

For picking the mushrooms and selling them to you.

Yes. Well, apart from a possible theft, it's debatable whether they actually

broke the law.

I mean, you did buy the mushrooms, didn't you?

Well, never mind that. They might have killed me.

Well, if money did change hands, then I suppose I could charge them.

Oh, but it didn't.

I'm sorry, Aunt Peggy. I know you don't like me doing this, but, well, his

lordship didn't have any money on him, so I thought he could pay later.

Oh!

Yeah, well, then it's hardly anything to do with us at all.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to let them go.

Don't you two think this is the end of the matter? I shall take this up with

your superiors.

Well, you're right. It's not the end.

There's the matter of driving under the influence of drugs, endangering lights

with a firearm.

I mean, I could call back later if you're not feeling too well. Take a

then.

I thought you were on leave.

I didn't need it, after all.

It's a bit late now, anyway.

I'd have been here before, but I had a long wait for the bus.

You ought to think about getting a car.

Yes, Sergeant.

Only... Only... I can't.

You see, I don't have a driving licence.

I've got a provisional one, but... I'm sorry.

It won't happen again.

It had better not.

The driving course was oversubscribed, so they bumped you off. So no real harm

done.

Now, I know you're ambitious and want to impress, but if you try to pull the

wool again, you won't be going on a driving course.

You won't be wearing the uniform.

You'll be out on your ear.

Understood?

Yes, Sergeant.

Clifford.

Malcolm earning me.

We all used to play together in... Feel behind school.

Now, look.

I have to talk to Ernie.

I know him. He knows it.

I chose Malcolm over him. No point kidding ourselves about that.

Are you going to tell him to leave?

No.

He can have the farm.

But I can't stay here with him.

Would you like me to talk to him first, explain what happened?

No.

I'll do it.

I owe him that.

Don't bother.

It was always Malcolm, wasn't it?

I suppose I always knew that.

But before you go making more of a fool of yourself, there's something you

should see.

I want to know what happened to Malcolm.

How did you get these?

In July 44, he came back here.

Took these off him.

What wouldn't go in the lime pit?

Why didn't I see him?

I saw him first.

But what was he doing here?

He went in the cinema that was bombed, where he helped pull out the bodies,

was left of them.

And he swapped his papers for some poor dead beggar.

He thought that way he could come back here and get on with his life without

police coming after him.

And you killed him?

Well, it's not so hard killing a bloke who everyone thinks he's dead already.

So now you know.

Now we believe he's gone.

I'm all you've ever had.

Ernie Bell, I'm arresting you for murder.

Doctor's already given me the death sentence.

I haven't long.

That's why I'm telling you now.

What's it matter?

Why did you do it?

Back then I knew you didn't love me.

But I thought it had come.

One day.

I love you.

I tried.

You're trying.

That was always second best.

Waste of a life.

Come on.

Here we go.

I just saw Diane.

How is she?

Still in shock.

Well, in a way, she's lost two husbands in one day.

Do you think she really thought that man was Malcolm?

That's the thing with contracts.

They work best when victims want them to be true.

How do I con you into buying me a drink?

Way ahead of you on that one.

Can I get you a drink?

No, thank you.

Can I apologise, then?

That'll be a start.

Can I ask you something?

Would you carry on giving me driving lessons?

You are joking.

I'm not.

Look, you're the best instructor I've ever had.

One of the others would give me a second lesson.

Please.

All right.

But, er, you only need the L plates on the back of the car.

You are?

Well, it isn't.

You promised her everything.

Fame, fortune, the world. Everything she wanted to hear.

Nice, baby.

What's a pervert?

I want my property back, officers.

Lucifer's revenge is mine.

You're involved with this, ma 'am.