Original subtitles

Heartbeat, why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

Heartbeat, why does a love kiss stay in my memory?

Dr. Merrick?

Hello.

We'd better go before Joe caught a penguin find us.

Where are we going?

Liverpool. Aunt Aggie's.

Isn't Aunt Aggie dead?

I thought you went to her funeral last week.

That's right, David, but the family have been invited over today to take the

pick of what's left.

Oh.

the scrapes go with us then?

No, David. Aunt Aggie was my mother's side of the family.

You're getting into the joke as I don't see this yet.

Oh, do you know?

I just do.

That's funny.

There wasn't a lot last week.

I don't like it here.

Perhaps we'd better forget it, eh?

Why? Not scared, are you?

No.

So, whoever's running never actually says anything, then? There isn't even

heavy breathing.

Would you like coffee?

I'd love one. Black and very strong, please.

Right.

Listen, this might be completely out of line, but you don't think it could be

your ex hounding you again, do you?

To be honest, the thought had crossed my mind.

But no, not even James would take things this far.

It's locked, Lester.

Well, of course it's locked.

That's why we're here.

If somebody's gone to the trouble of putting a new padlock on, what does that

tell you?

What? That there must be something inside worth nicking.

As well as any lead on the roof. Oh, I see.

So... Dean!

The bikes!

Oh, no!

Hey, look at this!

Fibers! Oh!

Fantastic! Hey,

you're a genius, Leicester. I tell you, stick with me, old son, and you'll end

up a rich man yet.

What was that?

A scout will be here.

Boss, have a look at this.

Now then, lads, what's all this about a break -in? It happened over at Offermill

Farm. See, when you coppers lost you, we liked to keep an eye on things.

Oh, well, that's good to know, isn't it?

Yeah, well, I'll certainly rest easier in my bed tonight knowing that Batman

Robin are watching our backs.

And you witnessed this break -in, did you?

Yeah. There were these two men. They broke into one of the buildings there.

So then what happened?

We remembered that they might see our bat bikes, so we had to scarper.

But we saw them break in. They used the crowbar and everything.

Well, thanks for that, lad.

We'll look into it, all right?

Do either of you know this farm, then?

Well, yeah, it's off the Elthamby Road.

It's been derelict for years.

Look, you'd be mad to take the word of a couple of kids seriously.

What do you think?

Oh, yeah, I agree with Phil.

Oh, well, there's no harm in having a quick look around if you want to double

-check. My thoughts exactly.

You don't mind showing me up there, do you, Phil?

Somebody's been busy.

Very busy.

My flaming family.

I mean, jackals to a man.

Every one of them, especially the women.

Oh, very tasty.

Just what I've always wanted, one of them.

Fortunately, the only thing of any real value, they weren't able to get their

grasping mitts on.

Oh, what's that, then?

The house, David.

According to Aunt Aggie, it was definitely coming to me once she

this immortal coil.

I think it's time we got on to the solicitor. Find out when he's reading

will. All right.

Bye. Bye.

Is that the last of them?

There's just one more, actually. Mrs Barton. She's not one of ours, but she's

visiting the area and needs her prescription renewing. Send her in,

Come through.

Good morning. Good morning.

Take a seat, please.

Thank you.

So, how can I help you?

Well, I had a heart operation a couple of years ago and I've been on pills ever

since. Well, the problem is that when I arrived here and came to unpack, I

discovered that I've nearly run out.

And what exactly are you on at the moment?

Oh, these.

OK.

No problem there.

I'll write you out a prescription for another month's supply.

Thank you.

I beg your pardon.

I'm not at my best this morning.

I didn't sleep very well last night.

If you'd like to hand this to Jenny on your way out.

Thank you, Doctor.

I hope you sleep better tonight.

Thank you.

I can't believe it's parking you're thinking of doing me for.

Hardly, sir.

You're the owner of this property, are you? Guilty as charged constable as of

last Wednesday.

The name's Bexley, by the way, James Bexley. P .C. Crane and P .C. Bellamy of

Ashfordly Police.

So, how can I help you, gentlemen?

Well, we've had a report of a break -in here earlier today.

Really? Well, I wouldn't have thought there was anything here worth nicking,

be honest.

Except for a few tools we've been storing in the outbuilding.

It was an outbuilding that was allegedly broken into, actually, sir.

Well, if it was, they can't have got much. There isn't much to take, as

very welcome to see.

Well, there was a couple of boys playing near here who said that they saw two

men breaking in. We thought we'd better check it out, make sure.

We're sorry to have bothered you. Absolutely no bother.

Kids, eh? All I can say is they must be blessed with vivid imaginations.

I appreciate you taking the time to come up here.

Well, if you do suddenly find something's gone missing, give us a

I assume you overheard that little interchange.

Yes, Gav.

Careless of you, Ronnie, leaving those notes lying around like that.

So do we go or do we stay?

We stay, of course. They didn't have a clue.

We just make sure in future that there's always somebody on the premises, day

and night.

Well, thank you for knocking.

Well, you got through to the literature about the will, then, Mr Burden? Oh,

aye.

There's just one problem.

There is no flipping will.

At least none anybody can find.

Well, you're through to get something, though, aren't you?

Oh, yeah.

But how much, though?

Once the solicitor's had his cut, the clan can probably look forward to about

fiver each.

If we're lucky.

You could still sell your table off, Mr Vernon.

David, that table isn't worth the petrol you'd use carting it to the nearest

junk shop.

Hello, boys.

Have you caught the burglars yet?

There weren't any burglars.

But we saw them.

Well, whatever it was you saw, it certainly wasn't a break -in.

But thanks for reporting it to us anyway.

If I were you, I'd get yourselves home safe if you did.

It'll be dark soon.

Now what are we going to do?

What will Batman and Robin do?

Carry on looking for the baddies. Then that's what we'll do, right?

Right.

What's your game, eh?

Nothing. We'll just keep him watch, that's all.

In case he comes back. All right, Ronnie, let them go.

In case who comes back?

The men who broke in yesterday.

You're the kids who told the police you'd witnessed the break -in, right?

Right. So what do they look like, these men, eh? Young? Old? What?

Older than us, but younger than you.

Charming. And one of them we called Lefty.

Lefty, I see.

We told the police, but they won't believe us.

Well, that's when we decided to keep an eye on the place ourselves.

I see. To be honest, since the break -in, we've had the place under 24 -hour

surveillance ourselves, so there's no need to keep watch anymore.

I tell you what, just to show how grateful we are for all your help, why

you have this?

Buy yourself some sweets or something.

Wow, thanks!

Look, Dean!

Now, go on, scoot.

I'm sure Batman and Robin have got far more important things to do with their

time. Yeah.

Bye, then.

Was that wise?

Relax, Ronnie.

Just a couple of kids fantasizing they're the Caped Crusaders, that's all.

I used to do it myself at their age.

Mind you, with me, it was always Al Capone.

You wanted to see me, Sarge? Yes, Mike.

I've got the manager of Ashfordly Bank on the line.

A number of counterfeit notes have turned up in their system. Get over

talk to him, will you?

I can't.

Out on the town.

Be right.

I've been here and... Hello, ladies.

Hello. Hello, you.

I've been here and... We'll be here, though.

Come on.

Why? Now where are we going? To see if I can earn us another fiver.

And one for yourself.

I'm lefty, by the way.

She is lefty. I'll save it up for later.

What do you do when you're not pulling pints, then?

Watch the grass grow.

Well, let's see.

There's not a lot else to do, is there?

Keep the change.

Buy yourself something nice.

Are you sure?

That was a five and a half pound. I know.

Just promise me any time you fancy a good time, you'll let me know. I know a

couple of good places.

I'll remember that.

Next time I'm desperate.

Cheeky.

Offered to show you a good time then, did he? You're not going to believe

He just paid with a fiver and told me keep the change.

What?

Mind you, the one I'd rather be having a good time with is him over there,

feeding his face.

Hands off Steve. I saw him for... Not him.

The other one.

Phil. Now him. I could really go for.

He's nearly old enough to be your dad. He's not that much older than me.

Besides, I like a man with a few miles on the clock.

Let's go.

Hello, boys.

Afternoon, Chent. You've only got time for a quick drink, I'm afraid. It wasn't

really a drink we were after, actually.

Oh? You wouldn't by any chance know somebody they call Lefty who comes in

would you? Yeah, you've just missed him.

So, does he live around here?

No. I think he must do. I don't know where.

He's an old mate of ours, you see. We thought that while we were in town, we'd

look him up.

Well, next time he comes in, I'll tell him if you like. No, don't worry. We'll

catch him another time.

These would have fooled most people.

High -quality stuff, eh? Even the bank was impressed.

And according to your counterparts at Divisional CID, they've been turning up

all over the north.

For what night?

Get out there and ask them questions.

It's not every day somebody hands over a five or a ten pound note when they're

buying their groceries.

Somebody might remember something.

See what you can find out.

So we're next, Gough. How are we going to get rid of these kids?

Don't jump the gun, Ronnie. I've got a better idea.

Seeing as they've taken such a shine to us, and the police have chosen to ignore

them, we might as well use them to our advantage.

Sorry about that, lad.

Just needed to check you were telling the truth, that you aren't working for

Penguin or the Joker.

Now I know for certain that you're on Batman's side, we can start working

together, can't we?

Now, here's another fibre.

Don't go flashing it around, and don't tell anyone where it came from.

There'll be another one of these for you.

If you come up and tell us when you see that lefty fellow again.

Okay?

Off you go.

What was she doing with that?

Oh, Mr Vernon.

That's the Queen of Swords.

It's from one of those packs they use to, you know, tell fortunes and that.

Now you come to mention it, David, that's how you was into all that.

Do you know she had her fortune read so often they used to give her a special

rate.

My mam, she was just the same.

You know, once she picked out the winner of the Grand National.

Did she really, David?

Yeah. She used to do it by, you know, like, getting in touch.

With who?

Oh, it was the tipster that she knew who was, er...

Dead. Prince Ooby Dooby, he used to call himself.

Well, of course, his real name was really Cedric Greenall.

And he wasn't a prince, either. He was a roll sweeper. Anyway, normally, the

names of the horses that he was tipping would, like, just pop into a head.

Of course, it only worked once.

I mean, all the other times, the horses fell.

I'll tell you what, David.

Shall we try it, just for a laugh?

We sit at the table and we put the cards, or in this case the card, in the

middle, right?

Right. And then we knock.

Is there anybody there?

Is there anybody there?

What's going on, Vernon?

David is conducting an experiment in the paranormal, Bernard.

I'm trying to get into contact with the other side.

Not a good idea, in my opinion.

Doubling in that sort of thing only brings bad luck.

What do you want anyway, Bernard?

I was passing, so I thought I'd drop in this early morning taxi booking.

And don't be late, he's got a plane to catch.

I was going to have a cup of tea as well, but I don't trust your tea leaves.

You must find it pretty quiet round here after Manchester.

Well, it could get that way, I suppose.

Well, you know, I'd be more than happy to introduce you to Ashford Leaf Swing

and Nightlife any time.

Thanks.

I might take you up on that sometime.

I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?

Mike, hi.

Hi, Mike.

What can I get you?

Nothing, thanks, Gina. I've still got some work to do.

Well, in that case, what can I do for you?

I suppose you remember taking any five or ten pound notes with anyone in the

last couple of days?

To be honest with you, Mike, there's not that many people round here who've got

that kind of money to spend.

Oh, now you've come to mention it.

Susie, didn't you take £5 note for a bloke at lunchtime today?

Yeah. A bloke called Lefty. A dark -haired bloke in his twenties.

I remember because he tried to chat me up and told me to keep the change.

It wouldn't still happen to be in a till, would it?

Oh, it should be.

Is that what you're looking for?

Unfortunately, yes.

Sorry, Gina, it's a fake.

Oh, not again.

This happened a couple of years ago.

We barely broke even that month.

Well, just take good care you don't take any more of these off anyone else.

Susie, did you happen to get this bloke's second name?

No. Well, is he a regular?

I won't call him a regular. Him and his mate come in from time to time.

Well, look, if he comes in here again, be sure to give me a ring.

Right then, you can put that change you gave me straight back in the till for a

start.

Hello, Dr Merrick.

James, is this you?

If it is, will you please speak to me? I can't take much more of this.

Jenny tells me this isn't the first time something like this has happened

recently.

No, but to be honest, I didn't really think anything of it at the time.

I thought that a bird had got into my car by accident.

It was only today that I realised it had probably been done on purpose.

But there must be something you can do. This is getting desperate.

I've been on to the post office and they put a trace on those phone calls. They

promised to get back to me.

Can you think of anyone that might have a grudge against you?

No, not really. I haven't been here that long.

Except... Except?

I had an ex -boyfriend who hustled me with calls when I first got here, but I

honestly can't begin to imagine he would stoop to this.

We won't be accusing anyone unless we're absolutely sure.

But PC Crane will need his contact details anyway, just to check it out.

And in the meantime?

Try not to worry.

We'll do our best. I promise you.

Yes, Mike. Any news?

Yes, this counterfeit note was handed over at the Aidensfield Arms from a

called Lefty, that's all we know.

Al's checking the files now.

Anything else?

Well, strangely enough, the Farley kids have been into the post office a couple

of times and paid for a load of sweets with a couple of crisp white -pound

notes. Were the notes left on the premises?

Yes, they were, so we know they were fakes.

Well, kids or not, they must have got the money from somewhere. Have you

to them?

Not yet, no, but I'm just about to visit their home. If they go back into the

post office, the owner's going to give us a role.

Good. Keep me informed.

Do you know, David, I think we've done my Aunt Aggie a grave injustice.

No.

You know that card we found yesterday, the Queen of Swords?

Yeah. Well, you'll never guess what's running in the 230th hay dock today.

The Queen of Swords?

You're joking.

Well, that's a sign, that is. I think it is.

You know, they do say that the dear departed move in curious ways their

to perform.

You don't honestly believe your Aunt Aggie's up there on a pink cloud sending

you down racing tips, do you?

You can scoff, Bernard.

But you might just be laughing on the other side of your face when David and I

have to take that wheelbarrow down to that bookie to collect our winnings

tonight.

Come on, David.

On every tree there sits a bird.

Singing the song of love.

The song of love.

There's a sad song.

Oh, hello.

I was wondering if I could see the doctor again.

Well, I'm afraid you might have to wait a bit. She's quite busy this morning.

Oh, that's all right.

Morning.

Have you had these pains before?

I had some tests done recently.

I just don't understand why I keep getting them.

Well, it doesn't always necessarily have to be down to the heart condition.

It could be indigestion. It could simply be anxiety.

You think I'm just imagining them?

No, no, I'm not suggesting that at all.

Are you experiencing any pain at the moment?

No.

Well, if the symptoms reoccur, get back to me and we'll take it further, all

right? Thank you, Doctor.

And for seeing me.

Oh, that's all right.

How are you sleeping these days?

Any better?

Not really, to be honest, no.

Oh, dear.

I am sorry.

Well,

Bye -bye.

Well, well done, Vernon.

I should have listened to you for once.

Derek Bates, better known as Lefty Bates, a local tea leaf who's never done

honest day's work in his life.

Sounds like our man, sir.

Oh, this strictly small -time is Lefty. He's not the sort of villain to get

involved in counterfeiting.

So where can we find him, then?

Oh, that's the bad news.

Last time he was in court, no fixed abode.

What about the Farley kids, Mike?

Any joy? Not yet, Sarge, no. I spoke to their mother. Unfortunately, she packed

them off on the bus this morning to visit their auntie in Scarborough.

Well, do we need to let the ID there?

No, I decided against it. Anyway, they'll be back tomorrow, so I didn't

frighten them unduly in a strange place.

Oh, fair enough.

But make sure you talk to them the minute they get back. Meanwhile, keep

questions in the village.

Right, David.

I think it's time we went and picked up our winnings.

Which winnings would they be, then?

Sorry? Not half as sorry as you're going to be when you hear what I've got to

tell you.

Oh?

Seems that after the race there was a steward's inquiry, and guess which horse

it was that got disqualified for bumping and boring.

No.

You and your tips from the other side. I told you it was unwise to dabble in

such things.

Oh?

Just as well I wasn't stupid enough to listen to you for once.

I'd have lost my money as well.

No need to be smug, Bernard.

Come on, David.

The guy that gave us the fiver.

Yeah. You go and entertain him. I'll call the police.

What happened?

I don't know. He didn't have any trouble charming the fiver out of him last time

he came in. Oh,

don't go just

yet. I was just coming over to join you.

Well, he told me to let you know any time I fancied a date. Well, actually,

real this evening.

Now, how could I refuse an offer like that?

I couldn't, unless there was something more important I had to do.

Another time for that, say?

What shall I do with this, Mr. Bernard?

What I want you to do with it, David, is to get a very large axe and chop it

into very small pieces.

Much as I hate to admit it, Bernard was right for once.

We've had nothing but bad luck since we clapped eyes on the thing.

All right.

Hang on, David.

Good old Ant ID!

I knew she wouldn't let us down.

Who are you calling now?

The solicitor, of course, if he's still there, to tell him we've found the will.

And then I shouldn't wonder if another trip to Liverpool would be in order.

They've gone?

What kept you? We did our best to stall them. Sorry, Gina, we came as quickly as

we could.

Well, you know, you might as well make yourself useful.

One of our customers has a motorbike pinch.

What do you want?

Who is this?

Hello, Mrs Barton. I'm sorry, I was expecting somebody else.

All right,

well, try not to worry, and I'll be with you as soon as I can.

I feel such a fraud.

The pain went off almost as soon as I'd rung you.

I shall call you back, but you'd obviously already left. I am so sorry to

dragged you out for nothing.

Oh, well, now that I'm here, I'll check you anyway.

Oh, well.

In that case, can I take your coat for you, Doctor?

Oh, yes, thank you.

Bring back any memories, Doctor?

That photograph was taken the day before they took my granddaughter into

hospital.

The hospital we both used to work at.

Of course, she was long gone when they took me on as a volunteer helper.

Then I only went there in the first place to find out where you'd suddenly

disappeared to.

I couldn't find out through official channels, you see.

They made sure of that.

You're Hilary Johnson's grandmother.

And Angela Johnson's mother, whose death I also hold you responsible for.

She died a few months ago.

Her broken heart, I'd say, after her baby died.

But then you probably find that concept very old -fashioned, wouldn't you,

Doctor?

What really got me was that you got clean away with it.

And that's when I decided, you see, that however long it took,

I'd find you.

And once I found you, I'd make damn sure you'd never sleep easy in your bed

again.

I don't know what to say.

I'll put the kettle on.

Do you have any identification on him? Driving license? No, only those. Just

counterfeits. Yes, Sarge. And the body that's been provisionally identified

the records is that of Derek Bate.

And what about this passenger of his?

Chuck Forbes.

He's got no previous form, but he's in a bad way, Sarge. I spoke to the hospital

and they said I wouldn't be able to interview him for at least a couple of

So all we have now is two kids gallivanting about in Scarborough, one

dead and another man in hospital who can't be interviewed.

That's about the sum of it, Sarge.

Sorry to interrupt, Sarge. The post office is on the phone for you.

Thank you, Ventress. Put them through, would you?

You don't know how sorry I am.

Not just about your granddaughter, but your daughter as well.

A bit late for that now, Doctor.

I can understand you blaming me.

I blame myself.

I can only say that what happened that night was completely out of my

experience.

If it hadn't been, well, perhaps I could have saved her.

If you weren't experienced enough, you should never have done the job in the

first place.

I'm not trying to excuse what happened that night.

But I really was trying to save her, Mrs Barton. I...

I really did try my best, but my best wasn't good enough.

I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

With any consolation, I still wake up with nightmares.

They're almost always about your granddaughter.

To tell the men?

Yeah. Let's buy one.

Hello. Is Dr. Merrick in?

I'm afraid she's not, no.

The post office have traced the source of those calls she's been getting.

Will she be long?

Will you tell me? To be honest, I was about to call you anyway. I'm starting

get worried.

When I arrived this morning, she wasn't here. Now, I assume that she was out on

a call.

But that was over three hours ago.

So this is definitely the man you saw break in, is it?

Yeah, and his friend, but my mum said that he didn't die.

Do you mind if we hang on to this?

Thanks, lads. Oh, remember, don't tell anyone where you got it. And listen,

I don't want you boys showing your faces up here again, understood?

Or you know what will happen.

Now, Scarpa.

Ain't gonna be long.

before the police interviewed his survivor in hospital.

And if these hooligans had any notes on them, it ain't just going to be the

local blue bottles we'll have buzzing around here.

Agreed. A time we made like the Arabs and folded our tents, I'd say, Ronnie.

Yes.

Yes.

Right, I'll pass it on. Thank you.

Uh, Mike, that was George from the post office.

Those lads that handed over the Ford Fiverr, they're there now.

Thanks, sir.

Good, Tommy.

Hello there, lads.

Now, tell me.

Where did you get the money to pay for all those sweets?

The men gave it to us.

The men gave you what?

We didn't steal it.

We got it for doing jobs and showing them the newspaper.

Let's have a quick look at that.

What newspaper's that?

The one with a picture of the man what broke in up at the farm.

You know, the one we told the policeman about, but he didn't believe us.

Is that where you got this money, from the men up at the farm?

I told him not to tell.

He might look it up again.

Don't worry.

He'll be safe with us now.

Come on.

That's the number, all right.

Which means there's every chance whoever made those calls lives in one of those

houses over there.

That's Dr. Mary's car, isn't it?

Afternoon. PC Crane, after this, please.

Dr. Merrick with you, of course.

Uh, no one of that name here.

Doctor.

Oh, Dr.

Afternoon.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

It looks like a bird with flow.

Terrific.

You two collect car numbers, don't you?

I do.

You wouldn't happen to have the number of the land over the men we're driving?

Car.

Then my guess is they won't be getting very far.

The best things in life are free.

Well, you can give that to the president, but give me money.

What I want...

Hold back there, please. Hold back there, please, sir. Thank you.

That's what I want.

That's what I want.

It all happened a couple of years ago when I was working down south at St

Thomas'. Which is where Mrs Barton herself comes from, right?

Right.

A child was brought in for a hernia operation. It was my job to administer

anaesthetic.

It was all very routine until suddenly things started to go haywire.

We later found out that the child had an extremely rare condition, a

hyperparexial syndrome, whereby the muscular system seizes up as a reaction

the anaesthetic.

And it's fatal?

Well, not necessarily, if you recognise it in time, which I didn't.

I mean, it wasn't helped by the fact that I had been on duty for 12 hours and

was exhausted.

So the child died then?

Yeah.

And although I was completely exonerated by the official inquiry, I couldn't

face working in surgery again.

What I didn't realise until today is that the child's mother has since died

well.

A death which Mrs Barton holds me solely responsible for.

That's still no excuse to try and kill you, Liz.

I'm not entirely convinced she would have gone ahead with it. But I don't

she had any idea what she was going to do once she had me sedated.

I don't think she had planned that far ahead.

Which is why I don't want her charged.

Liz, I... Jenny, the woman has been through enough already.

She got what she came for. She's seen my suffering for herself.

She's not going to come after me again.

David?

Flaming typical.

I just thought you might like to know. Your colleagues in CID have called your

friend. Along with a book full of printing equipment and a few thousand

dead notes.

All thanks to the registration number you came up with.

Poor old lefty and his pal.

No wonder they thought they weren't a good thing.

They must have discovered that stash and thought they were in heaven.

Look, I'd love to take the credit, Sarge, but what was mercy done to those

Not necessarily.

You kept your head down and persevered.

You knew who to tap for information and when. Those are the signs of a good

detective constable.

Anyway, whoever it was down to, you're certainly top of the pops back at

Division.

Wouldn't be surprised if the next thing you were asking me for was a reference.

Tina?

Yeah?

Those clubs you mentioned the other day.

Oh, yeah.

There isn't one in particular you'd recommend, is there?

Oh, well, my personal favourite would be the Jack of Diamonds.

All right.

Ready? Yeah, sure am.

Thanks, Gina.

Any time.

Can I, er, say something?

As if I could stop you.

Don't you think you'd be better off going for someone more your own age?

I'm just trying to be helpful.

Oh, Mr. Vernon.

I thought you were going to join us down at the pub.

I didn't feel like it.

You've been to Aunt Taggy's house again, have you?

What was left of it, yes.

No? You know, when I was a kid, David, if a house was left empty, we used to

just play in it.

Pretend it was ours. Maybe put some paint up on the walls.

Now they burn them to the ground.

No. Yes, and of course, back the old Aunt Aggie didn't have any insurance.

So as the new owner, I'm liable for any damage to adjacent property.

Oh, that's terrible.

Yes, well, put it this way.

I've had better days in the course of a long and checkered career.

Oh, dear.

Anyway, at least you've got a few quid coming for Aunt Aggie's table.

Oh?

Well, Mr Scripps, he suggested that I took it to an antique shop to get it

valued while you were away like it. Anyway, the bloke in the shop reckons

it's a genuine antique.

And he's going to offer you 50 quid for it.

Really?

Well, fancy that.

That just about rounds off my week, that does.