All language subtitles for Heartbeat s10e01 Chalk and Cheese

Harvey, why do you miss when my baby
kisses me?

Harvey, why does a love kiss stay in my
memory?

Thank you very much, children.

Thank you.

And a present. Three cheers for Miss
Hanson. Pippa?

seem to be blocking your way.

Well, will they be long?

Well, they've only just arrived.

I'll have a word. No, don't bother.

I'm only going to the farm next door. I
can walk.

That's very kind.

You've picked yourself a lovely spot.

Yes.

Oh, Morty, what's going on?

I left it by the cottage. There's a
removal van blocking the lane.

Oh, aye.

Well, the new owner says they'll be gone
in an hour or so if you need to get by.

Oh, that's decent of him.

She seems very nice. She's a retired
teacher.

Teacher?

Phew.

Are you coming in?

Quiet, Sookie.

It's all right, Suki. It's all right.

Teas made.

Come on.

Father.

Come on, girl.

Come on, come on.

Yeah.

It's not too much garden.

Dad'll be pleased about that.

I'm not having a staff anymore.

Mike, they treated their South African
servants very well.

Oh, so they didn't?

Yeah,

it is nice.

It's not too big.

Not too near.

What row is this?

Have you got a dry cloth?

I'm Celia Hanson, by the way.

Just moved in.

You make an early start for the day, I
notice.

You and your shotgun.

One forgets what a dawn -to -dark job it
is.

A prawn to dump for these.

Really? Try it now.

Wonderful. What a relief.

Thank you so much for helping me.

Didn't have a lot of choice.

No. Well, thank you anyway.

You've done a good job there, Frank. I
mean, you wouldn't know the word tundra,

would you? Bit of grass seed on that,
it'd be as good as new.

I tell you.

You've got to see it to actually believe
it, don't you? I only wish I'd got

another field.

Well, there's half.

What good is that to me?

Find me some willing punters and I'll
pay your commission.

Even easier money, Claude.

Well, you know where to find me.

I reckon you've done all right, there.

He's no better, though, isn't he?

Mind you, now that we know what he
knows, we can go wholesale.

What do you mean?

When did you ever know me working for
commission?

You know what the song says?

Anything Frank can do, we can do better.

And cop the lot.

Yellow is the color of my true love's
here in the morning

When we rise in the morning When we

rise, that's the time, that's the time I
love

you best Blue's the color

of the sky

In the morning, when we rise.

In the morning, when we rise.

That's the time.

That's the time.

I love it there.

Thank you.

I'm no stranger to the countryside,
Councillor Blaketon.

School nature trips were my speciality,
but there's manure and there's manure.

I'm sure you'll understand that.

Well, I'm not sure if I do. But there's
manure, Mr Blaketon, and there's slurry.

Mr Foster spreads the latter.

Oh, well, it must be something we've got
used to. I mean, Foster's been farming

Blackbrook now for more than 20 years.
He has his own way of doing things, I

expect. Just a touch on the tiller is
all I'm asking.

Perhaps you could speak to his wife?

He lives on his own.

Ah.

His wife left him some years back.

Yes. Well, whatever you can do, I'd be
most grateful.

I'll have a word.

How long have I known you, Donald?

Long enough to know you're always short
of money. Yeah, well, I'll give you a

chance to make a few, Bob. What do you
say? Shut the gate on your way out.

Exactly. I'm not talking just a few
pennies, you know.

I can give you 250 quid for the use of
this field for a month.

What's the catch?

Here we go again. There ain't one.

Aye, my name's Matt McGandy. How can a
field be worth 250 pound a month?

Shouldn't you be wearing a white sheet
and sandals? Look, I want to use it as a

tip. What we do is we excavate a big
hole, right? Then we take away the

Then I bring in lorry loads of rubble
and rubbish. And when we fill the hole

we bring the soil back. It'll be just
the same as it was before.

I mean, this field's perfect.

All right.

Yeah. You don't realise it.

You're standing on a gold mine.

Graveyard, more like. How do you mean?

There's a hundred head of cattle buried
here already.

Slaughtered seven years ago, Johnny.
Foot and mouth outbreak.

Well, that just proves me point, don't
it? I mean, who'd know what we're under

here now?

Well, not you, maybe, but me.

I can still smell them.

Well, what about your other field down
by the cottage?

I'll think about it. Well, don't think
about it too long. You might miss the

boat. I'll think about it.

We could dig the hole while you're
thinking about it.

Well, you've got company.

I'll see you about it later. If you've
got any sense, you'd let the lungs

Quite a fine beast you've got there, Mr
Foster.

If it took him as long to do his job as
it takes you to speak your business,

he'd be on a butcher's slab.

Well, it's your new neighbour.

She's been wondering why you have to
start shooting at six o 'clock in the

morning. You what?

Some people need their beauty sleep,
especially if they've retired.

I'm not retired.

Not you.

Are you telling me she's complained?

Well, let's just say I'm here on a
goodwill mission, right?

Fools are and more like.

You can tell teacher I'll not be
standing in no corner.

I'll do what I want, when I want.

And if I'm out shooting, you can tell
her to keep out of my sight.

Hiya, Phil.

What are you doing here?

Had to drop something off at the play's
house for Mike.

Too miserable to put the kettle on, was
he?

Got it in one.

Did you get a look at the new decor?

Decor? Oh, yeah.

Must have cost the constabulary a bad
word, too.

Unless Jackie Stokes needs to be on pay
for it.

I'm saying nothing.

Matt tells me you've cried off going to
the opening of that new club with him.

Yeah, well, you know how it is.

Since I chucked Andy, I haven't exactly
been a life and soul.

You're really disappointed.

I know.

I just couldn't face it.

You're wasted on that, Charlie.

No need to try too hard. Your cuppa's
coming.

I mean it.

I know.

You're a mate.

So how about you, me, Mike and Jackie go
into that opening?

No, Phil.

I can't. Yes, you can.

And I guarantee you'll have a great
time.

Trust me.

Construction of a public footpath by an
animal or anything else is a county

council matter, Miss Hanson.

Yes, well, that is somewhat different.

Gina was adamant. She didn't want to go
when I asked.

Well, that was you.

This is me.

Is there any chance of you two
concentrating on the job in hand?

Sorry, I'll fire away.

Spurs versus Nottingham Forest.

Away with it.

Agreed. Blackburn Rovers versus Dalton.

Still here, Barney?

Just going, Sarge.

This is for you, Bradley.

A Miss Hanson of Lee Cottage in a bit of
a lather about marauding cows.

Sounds like a neighbour dispute.

Was that you who put her through to me,
Ventress?

Yes, Sarge. You too busy to handle it
yourself?

She wanted to speak to someone in
authority, Sarge.

Well, if she calls again, try and assume
some, will you?

Mr. Potter.

Aye. Mr.

Hanson has made a complaint, sir.

Uh, can we, uh, can we talk about this
inside, please?

No.

Right. Well, um, Miss Hanson says you
released a bull into a field where the

public have a right of way.

So what?

My bull's no danger to anybody.

I haven't got a root in him.

You expect people to take your word for
that?

They can blame themselves.

Miss Hanson also says that one of your
cows got into her garden and ruined her

washing.

Is that true?

Well, what did I know?

I saw it with my own eyes.

Criminal damage at the very least.

Have you got better to do?

Frankly, yes. So if you could show a bit
more consideration to your neighbour,

we'd all be happy, wouldn't we? Perhaps
an offer of compensation on the clothing

would settle them. Oh, if you think so,
fine.

Check it out at Station 34.

So what did you advise her to do?

Well, I told her to shorten her washing
line.

Helpful as ever.

Oh, come on. She must have known what it
would be like living next to a farm.

Well, she probably fell in love with a
cottage and didn't think it through.

But that's not Don Foster's fault, is
it? Yeah, well, he's too used to having

his own way. That's his trouble.

No wife, you mean?

Exactly.

I heard some gossip about that,
actually.

About what?

About the way his wife suddenly
disappeared.

Oh?

It was only tittle -tattle.

That sounds intriguing.

I'll tell you on the way.

That's fixed.

She's more like her old self.

Yeah, good move, Phil.

Well, she's in her element.

Warm atmosphere, live band, good
company.

Thank you, thank you.

Right, we've got a real treat for you
now. We've got a member of the audience

who's going to come up and sing with us.

Gina Ward.

Gina, can you come up?

I don't know you.

Knock them dead!

You've already got one, Clive. Now
you've got two, but who's counting?

Hey, this business you've been talking
about, will there be any money in

advance? It's in an envelope in my
pocket. Say the word and it could be in

yours. Cheers.

Hello, Oscar.

Ah, Maggie.

No Gina tonight?

No, she's gone off to a do.

Oh, good.

About time she came out this morning.

Um, I'll have a tea and tea, please.

Right. You'll never know that I still
love you so Only heartaches

remain I'll do my crying in...

Raindrops falling from heaven could
never wash away my

misery.

But since we're not together, I look for
stormy weather to hide these

tears I hope you'll never see.

Someday when my crying's done, I'm gonna
wear

walk in the sun I may be a fool but till
then

The revenue and the bank on my back.

That sounds like I'm along at the right
time, then.

Yeah, but all these wagons coming and
going, I'm not so sure.

Wagons coming and going? Is this another
torture you're planning to inflict on

Miss Anson? You what?

It's her torturing me.

Oh, aye, very likely.

Oh, don't look at me, Oscar. I'm not
making fun.

Why not?

Everybody else is having a go at me.

Well, it does seem a shame to start a
retirement like this.

Shame? She plonks herself down and
expects everybody to dance to her tune.

this, do that.

Typical teacher.

Calm down, Donald.

I'll calm down when I'm in a box.

Till then, I'll have my say.

We're not in here, you won't.

Are you going to stop me?

Donald. If you wanted to poke your big
nose in Blake, she'd have shut up by

I think you've had enough, Greengrass.
Take him home, will you?

Put that back.

Put it back.

You can have this and all.

Don't threaten me, Foster.

I'm a small, defenseless woman like Miss
Anson.

I'll just pay two enthronements for
that.

Right, that's it. Get out of here, the
pair of you. Get out!

And don't come back!

You're barred!

Barred! Sounds like a flaming sheep.

What do you want to go and do that for?

I missed that morning. What?

You dump your rubbish, Claude, and the
closer to teacher's front door, the

better.

I thought after the police visit, things
would improve.

Are you sure about this, Oscar?

I heard enough to know what they were up
to.

But Foster and Greengrass would need
planning approval.

You know, it could be the sort of
rubbish that leeches into the water

attracts vermin.

Oh, please.

Well, I'm acting for Mr. Foster on a new
tenancy agreement, so I'll have to ask

one of my partners to handle this.

Stick them with your others.

This lot wants sorting out, Don.

Give it to me.

Revenue.

Bank.

Any more feed, Bill?

Stick it behind the clock with the
others.

Aye, all right.

Is it a hotel?

That's not solicited.

That'll be about my new tenancy
agreement.

No, they're acting on behalf of that
teacher.

You're threatening your legal action if
you cause her any more nuisance.

are, Suki.

Home.

Go away. I won't go away.

It's all right, Suki. It's all right.

Goodbye.

Hey, is this where Frank Jarvis gets all
his rubbish from? Yeah, it might be.

Fair bit on it, isn't it?

We've got the hole to stick it in.

Hey, look at that.

Hey, how much do you reckon they want
for that?

You haven't really got the hang of all
this, have you? We don't buy things from

them. They pay us to take the stuff
away.

All right.

Keep your eye on the lorry. I'll go and
see if I can find a gift.

Good morning.

For Greengrass, waste disposal.

Could be your lucky day.

Hey, where'd you get that?

Over there. There's all sorts of stuff.

Is there?

Well, don't get too attached to it or
you might follow it down the hole.

He's having a look with the gaffer.

He's going to give us 15 quid for every
load we take away.

You stick with your Uncle Claude. You
know what they say, where there's muck,

there's you.

Yeah, something like that.

You think I should call Gina?

Nah, she'll be all right now. She's had
a good cry.

Yeah, she didn't say a word on the way
back.

I feel responsible.

Well, I could hope so. It was a terrible
idea.

Yes, madam. I'd like to speak to someone
with authority, please.

Well, perhaps I could help.

Thank you. No.

Hello, Miss Hanson.

Have you been in the wars?

That's exactly what it is, Constable.

War?

I could be.

Skinner from the District Council
Planning Office.

What can we do for you?

Councillor Blaketon has warned us of
possible planning infringements in the

area. Blaketon?

He was once a copper and now he's a
politician, so I won't put too much

what he says.

Do you know Frank Jarvis, Mr Greengrass?

Jarvis? I don't think so. Why? We
believe he's been tipping waste without

planning permission.

I see.

And that's grabbed, is it? Depends if
you're sitting on top of it, Mr.

Greengrass.

Shut up!

Now what?

Well, Mr. Foster, I'm investigating a
serious assault on Miss Hanson.

And what's that got to do with me?

She says she was set upon and bitten by
one of your dogs.

Bitten? Badly enough to need stitches in
her tetanus jab.

Did you untie them?

What if I did?

Dogs can't be tied up all day. The law
holds owners responsible for their

animals, Mr Foster.

At best, you could be sent to court for
failure to control. At worst, a charge

of assault.

Either way, it would result in a
destruction order for your dogs.

Talk sense, man.

Try to warn you, Mr Foster.

Thank you for your time, Mr Greengrass.

If you're approached by Jarvis, just
give me a call.

Of course.

I'll run my weight up.

Go and put the kettle on.

Sir? Is that your field?

Oh, yes, yeah.

What sort of fresh tops are there, Mr
Greengrass?

Yes, well, I'm thinking of planting some
carrots.

Are we really planting carrots?

I sometimes wonder if you're taking the
watsit.

Looks like while he's looking for
Jarvis, he'll keep him off our backs.

Careful.

From that time I was here, it was very
sparkly.

It's lovely.

Thank you.

I heard about your injury.

Oh, that's very efficient of you.

It really isn't serious enough to bring
you out of your way.

The first year class was my favourite.

Rogues and angels, I loved them all.

I can say that now.

Quite the change to this.

Yes, though it isn't as quiet as I'd
expected.

It takes time to convert some of the
natives.

I hope I'm not trying to do that.

Do you know Mr Foster?

Not well.

I knew his wife better.

She tried hard to stick it, but I'm
afraid the foot -and -mouth outbreak was

last straw.

Well, that must have been hard on him.

What made it worse was when Joan
disappeared without trace one day and

started asking what he'd done with her.

Really? Borrowing bunkum, but you can't
stop them once they start.

You must have been terrified when those
dogs attacked you.

Yes.

They'll probably have to be put down
now.

Oh, surely not.

One of those things.

Oh, hello.

Hello, Oscar.

Gina, right?

Yeah.

How is she?

You know.

Well?

Gina, did you thought I'd better pop in?

I'm glad you have.

I just wanted to say thanks for last
night.

Yeah? Yeah.

A real tonic.

Just what I needed.

Oh.

Was there something you wanted?

Yeah. I'll have a pint.

Come on, David.

Come on.

How long are you going to keep me? As
long as it takes.

It were an accident.

Really? Obvious.

Tractor's been playing out for a while.

Only there's a pattern, you see, Mr.
Foster.

Your what?

Of threatening behaviour.

Ah, maybe so.

That this were an accident.

I'll drive straight through it.

That's what he said.

You'd better move that car or I'll drive
straight through it.

Yes.

How many more times?

Just to be sure.

I took the second bale off the trailer.

I went to throw it over the wall. When I
turned round, the tractor were on its

way. There was no tack I could do.

Come in.

Sarge, can I have a word?

I've got to get back to milking.

Lynn can't cope with his health.

We'll get a message to him.

So, you threatened to do it?

Well, strictly speaking, the threat was
to the car.

With her in it or behind it, what's the
difference?

You've heard the rumours concerning the
disappearance of his wife?

Yes, Sarge.

Thanks for letting me know.

By the time I turned round, the tractor
was on its way. There was nothing I

could do.

I've told you all that.

I've got to get back.

When you found Miss Hampton blocking
that road, do you remember what you said

her?

Let me help.

You'd better move that car, or I'll
drive straight through it.

It was set in the heat of the moment.

But you did say it. It wasn't meant.
It's obvious.

You keep saying it's obvious, but what
seems obvious to me is that you meant

every word. No!

You don't like women much, do you,
Foster?

You what?

You've already told me about your wife.

What's that got to do with it?

I've had enough of your death questions.

Sit down!

So you don't bear a grudge against Miss
Hanson? No.

Pals now, is there?

I wouldn't say that. Well, I'm sure you
wouldn't, because she's turned your life

upside down, hasn't she? No wonder
you're in such a rage.

I'm not in a rage. I'm just trying to
earn a living. And she wouldn't let you?

No, she wouldn't.

You're putting words in my mouth now.
The truth is, ever since she came here,

you've made that poor woman's life a
misery.

You think what you like.

I've got things to do that can't wait.

You're incensed because she's invaded
your territory.

I've got to go.

So you turned your bull into that field,
you set your dogs on her, you fired

guns within feet of her home, and then
finally you tried to run her over.

what you tried to do, isn't it? You
tried to run her over.

Yes.

What happened?

Foster's confessed to trying to mow her
down.

Confessed? Don't ask.

Come on door now.

No.

But I signed it.

Sit down, Mr. Foster.

We'd best get him a solicitor, Sarge.

Fine by me.

Then I want you to follow up another
line of inquiry.

What's that, Sarge?

Foster's wife.

I want to interview her.

No, Ventress.

I want to know if she's still alive.

He's not here. You're the one that got
him. No, it's you I want to talk to. Oh,

aye. Joan Foster.

You were working here when she left.
Yeah.

Was it a sudden decision?

How do you mean?

Well, was it a surprise when she went?

Yeah, I know.

She weren't very happy. You could see
that. But fine folk usually stick it

whatever.

Did they row?

Finish. It were a rough time.

We slaughtered all herding one day.

Boss went a bit mad. Can't blame Joan
for going.

Didn't you say cheerio or anything?

Not to me.

And you've no idea where she went?

Is there a photo of her around?

There's one behind the clock.

Yeah.

If it wasn't true, why did you sign it?
I had to get back, but he kept going on

at me.

All I wanted to do was shut him up and
get out.

So I signed it, and they still won't let
me go.

Start it on about Joan.

Joan? The wife.

She's been gone seven years, and he
expects me to know where she is.

You should have asked for me sooner.

There were no tweets. It was an
accident, plain and simple.

She could have registered in the name of
Foster or maybe a maiden named

Phillips. Joan Phillips or Joan Foster.
Soon as you can. Check if any new

accounts are open in either name.

Yes. Anything of interest?

Thank you very much. I've got a lead on
a woman who went south.

London? No.

Pickering.

Well, Sergeant.

Would you like to tear up Mr Foster's
statement and start again?

No, I'll stick with the one I've got,
thanks.

You think a confession extracted by
bullying can convince a court, do you?

Bully that mountain of a man? How on
earth would I do that?

You'll be granting him bail, I presume?

Sorry, no.

Well, why not?

We have further inquiries to make, and
in view of the threat he poses to Miss

Hanson, I shall be asking for remand in
custody.

For heaven's sake!

This man isn't a villain.

When the red myth descends, I think he's
capable of anything.

Well, I'm surprised at you, Alf.

I only met her a couple of times.

Why? Well, I'm trying to trace her.

What, in connection with this case?

Well, sort of.

Craddock reckons that if Foster was
capable of this assault, what else?

Well, in my day, that would mean putting
two and two together, making 22.

Exactly. Mind you, he did have the
perfect opportunity and the right place

dispose of a body.

I know, and there's a lot of digging.

Do you think of the overtime?

No, thank you.

But I found someone who swears that Joan
Foster latched on to a guesthouse owner

from Pickering. So I'll give him the
fingers crossed.

Ah, not you again.

What are they doing here? Don't you come
on your own? These gentlemen are here

to check your field, Mr. Greengrass.

Check me what for?

Evidence of unauthorized tipping.

Well, they can take a tip from me and
tip off, and you can join them.

I can bring the police next time, Mr.
Greengrass.

What are those men doing, Mr.
Greengrass?

They're trying to dig up some dirt on me
and Frank Jarvis.

They won't have to go down all that far,
either.

Well, try not to give them a hand. What
for?

So they think we've got nothing to hide.

Like a hundred lorry loads of rubbish.
Don't talk daft.

We'll need divine intervention if we're
going to get out of this lot. I think

I'd better go and have a word with Don
Foster. Tell him to keep this trap shut.

And while I'm gone, you keep your eyes
and ears open and everything else

Did they make you comfortable?

A lot worse nights.

Well, let's hope you won't have to get
used to it.

I have to persuade the bench that you
pose no threat to Miss Hanson.

And then they'll let me go?

Well, hopefully.

Until trial proper, but with certain
conditions.

Like what?

That you don't go anywhere near Miss
Hanson.

No fear of that.

Good man.

He lived in a shed.

Spent most of his days out of bed.

But his shed was rotten.

Said it was enough to drive a man to
bed.

Where's Mr. Greengrass?

Oh, he had to go out.

Come up lovely, innit?

Sarge?

Still no news from Alf, and Phil's
inquiries have come to a dead end. Like

Foster, perhaps?

May I have a word, Sergeant? Yes, of
course, Miss Hanson. I couldn't sleep

night thinking of Mr Foster.

Rest assured we'll stop him from
bothering you.

No, wait, isn't that... I've taught
children for over 30 years, Sergeant,

a way they've taught me about people.

I know Mr.

Foster's a cut -in, ill -tempered
individual, but he's not a bad man.

Well, that's very generous of you, Miss
Hanson, but we have a confession that he

intended to harm you. He set his dogs on
you. You've got the scars to prove it.

Well, no, you see, I haven't.

I'm sorry?

I lied about the dogs, Sergeant.

They were really after my Suki.

Naturally, she was terrified, and when I
reached out to calm her, I... She bit

you.

Even the tractor incident wouldn't have
happened if I'd got my car in proper

working order.

Miss Hanson, despite your admission, you
are not to blame. Mr Foster has brought

this on himself.

But it's rather hard on him, don't you
think?

No, I don't.

And further inquiries may yet confirm my
view.

All rise, please.

Excuse me.

Further inquiries?

Routine follow -up.

Can't we stop all this now, Constable?

I'm looking for a hard -headed woman.
Excuse me.

One will take me for myself.

If I find my hard -headed woman.

Please say out then. I will need nobody
else.

No, no, no.

I'm looking for a hard -headed woman,
hard -headed woman.

One who will make me do my thing.

Morning, madam.

PC Alfentris, Ashfordly Police.

Do you recognise this lady?

I'm sorry, I don't.

I know the rest of my life will be
blessed.

Since Miss Hanson moved in, Mr. Poster
has waged a campaign of intimidation

against her.

culminating in an assault from which she
was lucky to escape.

In a signed statement, Mr Foster has
admitted his intention of harming Miss

Hanson, and in view of the proximity of
her home to Blackbrook Farm, I request a

remand in custody to avert any similar
incidents.

In court?

That's what I said.

Well, how long is he likely to be there?
Who knows?

Only, you see, I've got a bit of a
problem. I might have to postpone the

arrangement I made with him.

I doubt that'll be the first thing on
his mind right now.

I hope he's not spent any of that
advance, I guess.

No, I gave it to me.

There's a bit of luck.

He owed me three weeks' wages.

Really?

Your Worship, when this case comes to
trial, my client will plead not guilty.

The confession referred to was extracted
after hostile questioning.

Confused and anxious to return to his
livestock, Mr Foster finally signed

whatever was put in front of him. What's
all this got to do with the bail

application, Mrs. Bradley?

Well, the so -called assault was an
accident, Your Worship. Mr. Foster did

and does not wish Miss Hanson any harm.

And if it pleased the bench to grant
bail, they may be sure he poses no

Thank you.

Sergeant.

Your Worships, Mr. Foster checked the
wording of his statement and signed of

own free will.

I am concerned he is still a danger to
this lady, and I urge you to remand him

in custody.

Stand up, please, Mr Foster.

To clarify the circumstances in which
you made your statement, we'd like to

your own account of what happened.

Yes, Your Worship.

Take the oath, please.

I'm sorry, Your Worship.

You prefer to make the declaration?

Aye.

Out loud, please, Mr. Foster.

Your Worship, I'm sorry.

I can't read.

Do we conclude from this?

You couldn't read what you were signing?

Yes, Your Worship.

Hello. Sorry, love, we're full.

No matter, love.

You've made my day.

Please, everybody, if we can move to the
top of the lane, it's going to be a lot

safer.

Thank you very much. Come on, that's
good.

What's going on, David?

They're not letting anybody through, Mr.
Greengrass. Why not?

I reckon there might be an explosion.

Hey, I don't know what you lot have
found, but Jarvis assured me that's not

builder's rubble there. I mean, if I'd
even thought the road, I wouldn't have

let it near the place. Yeah, we'll deal
with that in due course. The immediate

problem we have is the unexploded bomb
in your shed.

The what? I found your lad polishing it.

Where did you find it?

Well, we got all that... How many times
have I told you about collecting knick

-knacks?

Well, my mum's had one of them for years
as a doorstopper. It's never given her

a bit of trouble.

Who says this one's live, anyway?

My colleagues.

They say he could go off at any moment
and take the whole house with it.

Come on, sir, I'll stop you once you do.
I'll be there,

Claude. Sorry, nobody's stopping me
going on my own property.

Wait for the bomb disposal officers.

Mr Greengrass!

Claude!

If that's how you feel, Miss Hanson,
there's no point in us pressing charges.

A great weight off my conscience.

Message from Alf, Sarge.

Joan Foster.

She's alive and well.

Oh.

That's that, then.

Can't beat a happy ending, can you?

There's a door here. Put it down, Ford.

Gently. You don't need to drop that on
somebody's head to do them any damage.

Just get rid of it, Claude.

Where do you want it?

Hey! Not here.

Right. I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll take it right to the middle of that
field, provided he gives me no more

aggravation about dumping waste.

Well?

It's very irregular.

A crying out loud. Do you want him
scattered all over Ayrton's field?

That would be an environmental disaster.

Very well.

I'll be back.

Mr Foster!

Miss?

The police are going to drop the case
completely.

Right.

Oh, I'm so pleased it's all over.

Is it possible, do you think, for us to
call a truce and try again?

Well, if that's what you want.

I want that more than anything.

Well, I don't see why not, then.

Deal?

Done.

Better a friend than a foe?

I suppose.

Just so long as it doesn't come to
reading books.

Get a move on, Claude!

It's a good job we didn't have to rely
on you lot during the war.

You're like a load of old women.

Come on, everybody, move, boss.

Come on, are you all right?

Mr. Greengrass!

Are you all right, Mr. Greengrass?

Yeah.

No thanks to you.

I bet that made a bit of a crater.

Why don't you do us all a favor? Go and
chuck yourself in it.

Arty, what do you miss when my baby
kisses me?

Arty.

Why doesn't love just stay in my memory?