Original subtitles

Heartbeat, why do you miss when my baby kisses me?

Heartbeat, why does a love kiss stay in my memory?

Come on, Danny. Take your dead carrier.

Hello, Doctor. Hello, Mr Rowan. Hello.

Look, Danny, the bedside calendar.

You open it up each day before Christmas.

And there's a picture inside.

The day the rain daylight.

Now, now, come on, Ali.

Let's get him inside before it starts snowing. Is it going to keep snowing,

Aye, I reckon so, lad.

Really? Aye, just for you.

It's going to be great, Danny.

There you go. I'll take him in.

Thanks for getting him home for Christmas, Doctor.

Oh, that'll make all the difference.

I'm afraid it is just for Christmas.

Daddy's coughing.

I'll wait in the car.

I'm all right, Dad.

I told you two not to get him excited.

Let me have a look.

Get him a drink for you, love.

He should be fine.

Just get him straight to bed. His medication is in his bag. I'll take him

Think on.

Don't get him going.

I was hoping you'd be better.

We're doing the best we can.

I know, Doctor.

If you can keep him warm, I think the change will do him good.

I was reading about sanatoriums in Switzerland.

They can cure him easily.

Can't we send him there?

In an ideal world, Mr Parkin.

Not on the national health.

What sort of money are we talking about?

Hundreds, I'm afraid.

Might as well be millions.

How can I raise money like that?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Howdy, howdy.

No place.

It's Lady Whitley. Whitley Hall.

I think I've got intruders.

Yeah, drink this. You'll feel better.

Thank you.

Are you going to be all right here on your own?

Oh, yes, I'm used to it.

Anyway, they weren't trying to get into the house.

No? Oh, no.

I know what they were after.

So what about the truck, then? We can't leave it here.

Well, don't pick.

Only first let's get these loaded.

All right?

Christmas trees?

Yeah, well, they're young fir trees.

They sell them as Christmas trees.

What will they think of nicking next?

How'd you get on with Lady Whitley?

All right.

Yeah, she's helping you with this Christmas charity concert, isn't she?

Helping?

She's graciously agreed to be our patron.

But she won't be doing anything that'll get her beautifully manicured nails

broken.

Yeah, she has got nice hands.

Her legs ain't too bad, either.

In fact, she's what Phil might call a cracker. A cracker?

Happy's not.

Oh, sorry, darling. Did that sting?

I think we'll find a known for this, son.

Come on.

Go on, son.

Come on. Come on.

Hi, George.

When are you going to get some new trimmings? You've been putting these up

the war.

I bet you've got some for sale.

Funny you should mention that.

Claude, these are up and they're staying up.

If you want that tree decorating, I'll do it. But only if I can put you with a

fairy goat.

What are you doing with a tree anyway, Claude?

Shorter company.

Why don't you stick to serving drinks and leave me to do what I'm good at,

is helping my mates out. You can have it for 30 bob.

I'll give you a quid. It's yours.

I'll knock it off your slate.

I thought you might. Where do you want it? Stick it in the yard for now.

Well, shove up or you'll get impaled.

I wouldn't like to think that I'd fallen off the back of a lorry.

Oh, give over, Gina.

This is Yorkshire, love, not darkest Liverpool.

Hey! You'll never believe what's happened.

What? Somebody's pinched my flaming lorry.

Can I help you?

How much are they?

They're one pound each. Do you want one?

No, thanks.

So now we know, right?

What? How much to charge, stupid?

Here you go, mate.

Then we could run to some proper decorations.

We're going to put mistletoe over Blaketon's door.

An anvil over Blaketon's door would do me.

You should see the decorations up at Whitley Hall.

Now, they say she's quite decorative and all, Lady Whitley.

Yeah, not all.

30 years younger than Lord Whitley. And they say that he died of sheer

happiness.

Rowan!

My office.

What's this?

It's a hymn book, you ruddy heathen.

This Christmas tree robbery, Rowan. Let me get a few things straight.

You got a call from Lady Whitley while the villains were in her woods and yet

you still managed to let them get away.

And you damaged your motorbike.

Well, they almost ran me down, son.

All the more reason for you to be out on the case.

Not helping Bellamy turn this station into Santa's grotto.

Now, Lady Whitley has put her faith in us.

She's a lady, and I stress the word.

Living alone in a remote house in fear of her life, I shouldn't wonder.

Well, she seemed all right last night.

Shock.

Takes time to set in.

As the chief constable pointed out to the divisional inspector, who pointed it

out to me.

Chief Constable? Whose wife pointed it out to him after she'd talked to Lady

Whitley at a charity bazaar this morning.

You're not suggesting she should get preferential treatment, Sergeant?

As you said yourself, Rowan, they tried to run you down.

Now, endangering the life of a police officer is serious, so I... I suggest

some extra surveillance seems to be in order.

What the...

What's going on, Ventric?

I'm sorry, Sarge. We're just doing a couple of things.

Sounds like you're slaughtering an animal.

Sarge. It's Dr Rowan's charity concert, and we're doing a turn.

You give folks one if you sing like that.

Now get back to work, the pair of you.

Something amusing you, is there, Rowan?

No, Sarge. Right, then on your bike.

And make sure Lady Whitley sees you beavering away.

I don't suppose you care to join us, Sarge?

You suppose right.

Just a gentleman I wanted to see. Yes, sir, I can't stop.

What do you mean you can't stop?

I'll pay your wages, you know.

It's marvellous, isn't it?

No wonder you can't find a copper when you want one. You're always in here.

Where do you expect us to be, Greengrass?

The fire station?

I want to report a robbery.

Confession, is it?

It's not a laughing matter, you know, Ventress.

Somebody's pinched my lorry.

Who'd want to pinch your lorry?

That is what I want you to find out, Sherlock.

Isn't it about time you got some new decorations?

I could do your job lot at cost if you're interested.

Hello there.

How's it going?

Well, we're making inquiries through all the regular supplies of Christmas

trees. We'll keep our eyes open, see if any turn up round here.

How can you tell if they're my trees?

Well, we can't really.

Not unless you've had Whitley Hall written through them. I can stick her

Well, I suppose we can hardly expect you to dust the tree stump for Dad.

How are you feeling now, by the way?

Oh, I'm fine, thanks.

Oh, good.

Oh, well.

Keep me informed, Constable. Thank you.

Control to Delta Alpha 2 -4.

Delta Alpha 2 -4 to Control. What's up, Alf?

Someone's nicked Greengrass's truck.

Greengrass's truck? You're kidding.

How many hundreds did the doctor say? I don't know, but it'll be too many if we

don't make a start now.

Look, let's try the... Come on.

Excuse me, would you like to buy a Christmas tree?

Oh, I'll get mine from the shop, love.

Yeah, but they're a pounder's shop and you can have this for 18, Bob.

Oh, I don't know.

They're our own trees.

Anne will deliver.

Please.

Go on, then.

All I can tell you was that the truck was there when I put the empties out

midnight. All right, George.

We'll have a word with your regulars and see if they noticed anyone hanging

around outside last night.

Right.

That's nice, Gina.

Do you like it?

Got it off Claude Greengrass, would you believe?

Really? When was that?

This morning.

I didn't know he was into this sort of thing.

Neither did I. But what is from that one and two giving half the chance?

Can you keep a secret, Danny?

Cross my heart.

We're going to send you to Switzerland.

To a sanatorium.

Isn't that where they put loonies? Like a loony bin?

No.

This is for people like you.

People who can't breathe properly.

You see, the air's special in Switzerland.

Cos it's the mountains.

And I'm going?

Yeah. But it's still a secret.

Dan mustn't know.

Not till we've got enough money.

Is it a lot of money?

Yeah. Look, show him, Ron.

Where did that come from?

Did you rob a bank?

It's Christmas, Danny.

Special things happen at Christmas, don't they?

Christmas without you I'll be

so blue just thinking about you

Decorations of

red on a green Christmas tree

You haven't even had a chance to go out and build a snowman.

Never mind.

It's not all the time, it's what you learned.

I need it now, don't I? I've got all these birds to deliver by Christmas.

Nobody wants a turkey after Boxing Day, you know.

You do Christmas trees as well.

Like the one you plug to the pub.

I'll let him have it cheap because he's a mate. If you want one, you've got to

pay the full whack. I've got my reputation to consider.

I'm not buying, Claude.

I want to know where you got it from. Why do I get the feeling you're not

to believe what I'm going to tell you?

Found it.

Well, in a wood attached to its stump.

Very good. I told you you wouldn't believe me, did you?

I found it by the side of the road when I was looking for mushrooms. In any

case, you should be trying to find my lorry. I mean, I know it's not worth

but it's worth a damn sight more than a flaming Christmas tree.

How about 30 Christmas trees?

That's how many were nicked from Whitley Hall last night.

Well, it couldn't have been me, cos I ain't got a lorry.

In any case, I only wish I had 29 more Christmas trees to sell.

be a sight easier than plucking this lot.

Pine needles, Rowan?

All over the back of his truck, Sarge.

And what does he have to say about this?

Citizen Greengrass.

Well, I haven't spoken to him yet.

Just about to have a word.

Well, I've got a better idea.

Why don't you bring him in here?

It's just a fourth time. How will I play?

See, the way... Don't turn away from me, Johnny.

You're right.

Let me down, Johnny. You make me feel ashamed.

That was great, Albert. Thank you very much.

You what? We were looking for more comedy and that was inspired.

But it's not meant to be funny, I hope.

It's supposed to howl when I play.

I promise you, Albert, it's perfect.

You're making fun of me.

No, I'm not.

Oh, well, if that's your attitude, you can stop your concert.

No, no.

Oh, please, Albert, don't go. We need you.

Good night.

Hey, DC.

D -E -F -G -H -I -J -K -L -A -M.

N -O -P -Q -R -F -T -U -V -W -X -Y -Z.

Yeah.

Thank you very much.

Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, get out of your attention for a few minutes,

please. Ashfordly Market's loss is your gain. I've got everything you want for

Christmas in here.

Crackers, novelties, decorations, a lot.

What's going on?

I'll tell you what's going on.

Because your husband and his colleagues can't find my truck, I can't get to

Ashfordly Market, can I?

You can't do this. We're trying to put a show together.

I'm sorry, Kate. I've got a living to earn.

They're half a pound to you, madam. They're two and eleven in

Claude, just move.

All right. If you want to purchase, I'll be setting up in the back room.

Claude. What?

Claude, if I told you I wanted you to be the star in my concert... Would you

help?

What? You mean do a turn?

Well, it's more of a character part, actually.

Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to be pleased about this?

Come here.

You've got to be joking.

No, it's very you.

It's not, you know, it's somebody else.

Please, just for me.

I'm sorry, Kate, I can't.

Would there be any chance of borrowing the costume for a bit, you know, just to

get into the character?

I always need you back at the workshop.

You are.

Sergeant Blayton wants me to bring you in.

So you better get in.

I might

as

well

forget it.

I'll never get enough.

Play 15 quid in a day.

I'm sold all the trees.

Now I'll have to make money with.

So let's get some more. Come on.

Right, Greengrass.

The good news is we've found your truck.

The bad news is it contains evidence of stolen property.

What are you talking about?

Christmas trees.

Like the one you sold to the pub.

Where did you get it?

I told you, I found it.

Found it.

Yeah, in the middle of the road when we were out with him. I've already told

Ronan. You don't really expect us to believe that, do you, Greengrass?

Well, coming out with a lie, it'd be a better one than that.

And what about the pine needles?

What pine needles?

The pine needles PC Rowan here found all over the floor of your truck this

afternoon.

I don't know what about pine needles.

No, I don't, but I know one thing. I know when somebody's trying to fit me up

like you lot are.

Sarge. Nick.

Can I have a word?

What do you mean it's not there?

There's no sign of any truck, Sarge. Are you sure you went to the right place?

Dalby Crossroads. That's right.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, how do you explain this then, Rowan?

Well, it was definitely there, Sarge.

You're telling me a stolen vehicle you just found has now been nicked again?

A truck belonging to that pain in the backside in there?

Looks like it, Sarge.

Are you going to tell him or shall I?

Ashfordly Police.

Yes, he is. Well done.

It's for you.

It's your lady friend.

It's still not snowing, Dad.

It will.

You see, it's still not Christmas yet, Daddy.

Full of snow that's gay, I'd say.

Full of it.

If your mother was still alive today, whatever would she have said, eh?

I told you I ever did it, Dad.

It's not the point.

Ali, it's still stealing.

And stealing's wrong.

Right?

There it is.

Right, I'll wait there a minute, will you?

Well, that didn't take long, did it?

Bobby's here.

We did it for Danny, Dad.

We know what you're here for, Mr Rowan.

We're trying to get some money for our Danny to go to Switzerland.

Your missus said he'd get better if he went.

They're only burns, Mr Rowan.

The fact is a truck's been stolen and several dozen Christmas trees.

They'll give all the money back.

Can't we let it stop there?

Well, it's not up to me, I'm afraid.

These crimes have been reported.

It'll have to go further.

I was saving it to buy some presents for them all.

It's the last of my redundancy money.

I don't really deserve it now.

It's all I've got.

Well, we can't take it, Mr Parkin.

Crimes have been committed, reports have been made, forms have been filled in.

It's out of our hands.

I'm sorry.

Rowan?

It's a bit rough, isn't it, Holmes?

You know the position, Rowan.

We're here to enforce the law to the rich and the poor, whatever the time of

year.

Everything seems OK?

You feeling all right?

I think I ought to go back to the hospital.

Why? My dad spent all his money on coal to keep the house warm.

and Ellie and Ronnie are going to get locked up.

Who tells you that?

Nobody, but they won't tell me out, so I know it's my fault.

Now, you listen to me, Danny.

Your family love you very much, and all they want for Christmas is for you to

have a good time.

But I'm just in the way, and even the snow's gone.

Come here, you big dafty.

If I'd been firmer with Fred about Switzerland, none of this would have

happened. But you couldn't have known those kids would get an idea like that.

Well, we've got to do something.

You were talking to the bloke who got booed out of the village today for Nicky

and Sansa.

I've got to stand up and court and give evidence against those poor kids.

Couldn't we give the money from the charity concert to start a fund to help

Danny?

That's a good idea.

I'm not sure Blaketon is here that way.

In any case, who's the patron of your show?

Lady Whitley.

And whose trees were stolen?

Can't you get her to drop the charges?

How?

Charm. I presume that wouldn't be too much of a hardship for you.

And what about the truck?

You can't expect me to charm Claude Greengrass.

Whatever happened to Christmas spirit?

It seems to have passed.

Well, at least give it a try.

All right.

I'll go and see her in the morning.

Don't build your hopes up, though.

If she had her way, those kids would be sent to Australia.

That's my man.

And don't forget the butcher.

If you don't pick up the turkey by lunchtime, he's going to sell it.

Two, Bob.

Two, Bob?

Cheap enough for price.

Now then, little girl.

Ho, ho, ho. Would you like to sit on Santa's knee?

Would Santa tell you a lie?

No. Right, well, come on, sit on my knee then. There's a good girl.

Right, now then, little girl, what would you like for Christmas?

A bike.

A bike?

I've told you, you're not having a bike.

You tell Mummy that Santa knows where he can get one at cost.

She wants to go in your lucky dip.

She'll not find a bike in there.

Come on, look sharp. We've got shopping to do.

Oh, look what she's found.

What's this?

I'm not paying two bob for this piece of old junk.

It's her lucky dip. You know, she's just not been all that lucky, have you?

I want my money back.

I'll tell you what I'll do. Have you got fixed up with your turkey yet?

You what?

I've got some lovely farm fresh ones. I'll tell you what, I'll knock the two

off the price of a turkey. How's that? I can't say better than that, can I?

Ho, ho, ho.

Can I have a word, please, Lady Riddle?

Oh, yes, of course.

This one.

Well, we've recovered half the trees, and here's the proceeds from the rest.

And what am I supposed to do with the chopped down fir trees?

Sell them at Ashfordly Market?

Well, I'm more concerned about the children.

Exactly.

Today it's my treason, some poor devil's truck.

Tomorrow it's hijacking a train and pinching mailbags.

I don't really think so.

They've got to be taught a lesson.

Well, I think they've already learned their lesson.

They were trying to raise the money to help their little brother.

He's been ill in hospital.

And you fell for a sob story like that.

I'm surprised at you, Constable. I would have thought you were immune to hard

luck stories by now.

I am.

I think this one's a bit different.

It is Christmas.

If it weren't, they wouldn't have stolen my trees.

Look, if word gets around the criminal community that Lady Whitley's a soft

touch, then Christmas trees will be the least of my worries.

Hang on, where's your two bob?

Ain't got two bob.

Well, if you've not got two bob, you can't sit on Santa's knee. Get off.

I don't care, cos that's not a real reindeer.

Of course it's a real reindeer.

It's too small.

That's cos it's a magic reindeer. It's small so it can get in the grotto, but

when it pulls my sleigh, it swells up to as big as an elephant.

It's a dog.

Even his antlers are stuck on lock. Hey, hey, hey!

You touch my dog's antlers, I'll touch your backside with my boot.

You want to arrest him, mister. He's not a real antler, and he says he's going

to hit me. If you come near my house on Christmas Eve, I'll get me there to

thump you.

Well, what's it to be then, Claude?

False pretenses or threatening a minor?

He wants threatening. He's got all the makings of a Blaketon.

It's going to cost you more than two bob to sit on me near and all.

What do you want Santa to put in your stocking apart from the set of

stripes?

Well, I thought we might make a little deal.

I'll forget about this lot and you forget about the parking kids nicking

truck. What are you talking about? This is all a bonbon. I'm just selling a few

novelties and a bit of poultry.

Oh, no. What's the time?

About closing time, according to my clock.

You got any turkeys left?

Well, only one, but it's a 16 -pounder.

No, that's too big for me and Kate.

Well, she's eating for two, ain't she?

Will you please yourself? Take it to leave. It's all I've got.

How much?

Well, for a mate, two quid.

So, you're sorry, are you?

Yeah. And I suppose your father sent you here to play that, did he?

No. And what about your brother? Isn't he sorry?

Yeah. Then why isn't he here as well?

Because he's too scared to.

Oh, I see.

And you aren't scared?

No.

A bit.

And I suppose that you think being sorry makes everything all right again.

You know, life wasn't always like this for me.

I was one of 12 kids, not just three like you.

And we had nothing.

But we'd never have dreamt of stealing.

The shame would have killed our parents.

What does your mother think about this?

She's dead.

She died having our dinner.

Well, I'm sure she'd want you to learn a lesson, and that's exactly what you're

going to do.

I've said I'm sorry.

What's this?

My dad tried to give it to the police, but they won't take it.

So I brought it to you.

To pay for all the trouble you've had.

To pay for our presents.

We don't think you're going to buy your way out of this.

It's everything we've got.

I think you've said everything you came to say.

Which wouldn't budge an inch. I reckon it sets a bad example.

You must be losing your touch.

Yeah, at least Claude's prepared to forget about the theft of his truck.

So what happens now?

They'll be charged and go to the juvenile court.

If they're really unlucky, they'll be sent to a proof school.

And there might well be the question of whether Fred's got control over them.

He loves those kids.

Just hold on to your report for another 24 hours, will you?

How do you feel with that?

Yeah.

Makes a change from it using my bladder as the trampoline.

You know, this is going to be our last Christmas on our own.

Well, let's make the most of it, shall we?

Big dinner.

Put our feet up in front of the telly.

Did you get the turkey?

Hmm?

The turkey? Oh, yeah, yeah, it's in the kitchen.

Let's have a look again.

Nick!

I asked for a turkey, not an ostrich.

Well, that's all right.

You'll have to help us out.

I'll take the sandwiches to work for a couple of days.

A couple of weeks, more like.

Anyway, I don't think I can get anything that big in the oven.

You see, we're the three kings.

Now, I take the first line.

You take the second line, and he takes the third line.

Right. No.

We three kings of Ori and Ja.

One in a taxi, one in a car. One on a scooter, blowing his hooter, following

Ringo Starr.

Bring that house down, that. You bar me.

And you couldn't carry a tune in a bucket.

Sarge, why don't we do everyone a favour and lock them in until after the

concert?

Don't tempt me.

Right, Nina and Frederick, out here, now!

Sorry, Sarge, we needed a bit of practice.

What you need is gagging or earplugs for the audience.

Now come and get some work done round here.

Give us a chance, Sarge. It is Christmas.

I'm aware of the date, Bellamy.

Just because it's festive season, there's no reason to tolerate

muted or otherwise.

God.

What are you doing on the day?

Well, I haven't decided yet.

To me, it's the same as any other day, only longer.

Well, if you like, you're more than welcome to join me and Kate.

We've got a huge turkey.

Well, that's very generous of you, Robin.

Black tie, I presume?

Eh?

Why, it's Christmas dinner, Rowan.

I like to dress up on special occasions.

Well, whatever you feel best in, Sarge.

Thanks.

Kate's going to kill me.

He won't come, will he?

We have got a bit of a surprise lined up for him.

Oh, yeah?

Trust us, Nick.

Sharing Christmas dinner with the Rowans will be the last thing that's on his

mind.

He's going to be Santa's little helper.

Oh, no, he's not.

He's not the real Santa, and his reindeer's a dog. I'm telling my dad.

But he's only pretending for the little one.

Nice dog, Claude.

Right.

We've made this special chimney for you to climb into.

Oh, that'll be good.

Yeah.

The kids from the village school are going to think when Santa got stuck up

chimney. Good job. I think you're a wonderful person.

Kate, come here a minute. I haven't time. How was the turkey, Constable?

Oh, yeah, fine, thanks. Yeah, Kate swears by that butcher.

Come on.

There, be careful.

OK?

Come here, darling, I'll show you.

There we go. There we go.

Hello. Hello.

There are still some seats left, I hope, Kate. I'm sure we can find some

somewhere, Lady Whitley. Oh, please, call me Janet.

Right.

Good grief.

It's Freeman, Artie and Willick.

I heard you had a message for me.

Oh.

I thought you were one of these.

We had a special guest.

We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Hello, Dad.

What are you doing here? I've come for Christmas.

I hope you don't mind.

Mind?

Well, it's great to see you.

Those leaves two fixed it up, did they?

Well, I called the station to ask if you'd mind me coming and I've sorted it

out.

Do you have anything to do with this, Rowan?

No, sir.

That's a good job you've got a big turkey.

We're having a slap -up Christmas dinner with the Rowans, Graham. Of course,

that's if it's all right to...

Bring my son, is it?

Oh, yes, Art, yeah. The more the merrier.

Great.

Well, I'd best get back.

I've missed the second half. I'm thinking these two need some help.

Yeah, only help they can get.

I'll see you later.

Not you, Nick Rowan.

I want a word with you.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure you'll all agree that tonight's show has been

absolutely wonderful.

And the proceeds are going to a very special little boy who I've gotten to

rather well this evening.

Danny, take a bow.

Right, son, I think I've earned a pint.

Oh,

poor, poor, put me back.

Oh, put me back.

Hello?

Hello, is anybody there?

Come and give me a hand, I've done me... Oh,

don't just stand there, you deaf demon.

I can be Father Christmas, you can be Lassie, go and fetch out.

Well, we've heard from the performers and Dr Rowan now informs me it's our

So will you please join me in a chorus of White Christmas?

Thank you, Claire.

Chef's nuts roasting on an open fire.

Jack Frost nipping at your nose.

Yuletide carols being sung... Hello?

Is anybody there?

Well, don't just stand there wanking your tail. Go get help.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Oh dear, oh dear.

What a way to spend Christmas.

Oh,

isn't

it beautiful?

Be careful. Look at her.

So is she really going to take them to Switzerland?

Apparently.

What did you do to her?

I thought you said she wouldn't budge. Yeah, well, she must have seen the

of Christmas.

I'm sorry about later.

So much for being on our own.

If they do the washing up, I'll forgive you.

All right. I have one question, though, about that turkey.

Yeah, well, I met the butcher.

Uh -huh. It's all that one guy over there.

I don't blame him, no.

What do you think?

Well, you'd better be extra nice to me between now and Christmas Day, or I

just forget and let it slip.

Blackmail is a very serious offence.

I'll come quietly, Gov.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Kisses me.

Heartbeat. Why does a love kiss stay in my memory?

Riddle it back and sing to me.