Original subtitles

Last week, as you recall, we left Will Penny and Dr. Smith contentedly playing

baseball, unaware that an incredible alien magician was about to join their

innocent game.

Abracadabra, alakazam.

Bibbidi -bibbidi -bim -boom -bam.

Go away, sir.

Please go away. Oh, go away, please.

Won't you go away? Please. Oh, dear, sir.

Dr.

Smith, what's wrong? Are you all right?

It materialized right in front of me.

A terrible, horrible creature with an egg.

Now get a hold of yourself and tell us what happened.

My heart simply cannot endure any more of these traumatic experiences.

It's not beating.

I can't feel it.

There it is.

You mentioned an alien being, Dr. Smith. My sensors can detect nothing but the

presence of ourselves.

Then your sensors are wrong as usual. I tell you, there was a monster right

here, and it caught them all.

Maybe you just imagined it.

Yes, your eyesight leaves much to be desired.

You cannot tell a ball from a strike.

I have 20 -20 vision. I tell you that creature materialized right in front of

me.

He's back.

I don't see anyone.

Neither do I.

Are you both blind?

He's sitting right next to me.

And he's carrying a ridiculous ventriloquist dummy.

I think you've been playing baseball in the hot sun too long, Dr. Smith. There's

absolutely nothing wrong with me. I could see this dreadful creature and

horrible little doll just as plain as the nose on your face.

Honest, there's no one here but ourselves.

There is, there is, there is.

I'm in full possession of my mental faculties, and I can prove it.

10, 9, 8, 4, 7, 20, 46, 20. My name is Dr. Zachary. No, no, my name is Dr.

Doctor. Oh, good heavens! My name is Dr. Zachary Smith. That's what my name is.

My age is over 21, but barely. My height is 175 pounds, and my weight is 5 foot

11.

Never mind, Dr. Smith. It's easy enough to find out if there's anyone else here

but ourselves.

We'll just ask the robot.

Of course. Why didn't we think of that before?

Robot, is anyone else present besides ourselves?

I do not see, hear, or smell anything.

You heard the robot, Dr. Smith.

The creature did it. He did something to the robot. I saw him. A kind of spell

or some kind of magic.

There's really no one here, Dr. Smith.

No one but us chickens.

The dummy is talking to me. I won't look.

Goodbye, Dr. Smith, but not for long.

You're not yourself, Dr. Smith.

Let us take you back to the spaceship.

Yes, please do.

I am not a well man.

I am not at all well.

Take it easy, Dr. Smith.

I'm a very sick man.

Not only is my back extremely delicate, but my eyes seem to be playing tricks on

me lately, Doctor.

Oh, heavens.

I'm the doctor. Am I not the doctor?

Where's the doctor? Am I the doctor? Or are you the doctor? I don't know. I'm

the doctor. I feel...

What about the cooling system?

Let's check that.

All right.

Okay, okay.

Aha! Oh, my goodness, I didn't expect you back this early. I don't have dinner

started. Oh, that's a fine thing. Here we've been toiling in the vineyards of

space and no hot meal to come home to. Oh, and they say a man's spaceship is

castle. Listen, if you have any complaints about the housewives' union,

it in writing, in triplicate.

All right, all right, you win.

Say, how's Dr. Smith?

Not very well. I just left him.

Is he still seeing things?

Not anymore.

He has his eyes shut.

Well, as far as I'm concerned, he's always had his eyes shut.

Oh, he really is in bad shape, Don. Well, there is one way to tell if he's

really ill.

Did he eat his lunch?

Double portions.

Well, then that proves that my medical diagnosis is correct. There's nothing

wrong with Dr. Smith.

You know, I've always known that Smith would flip his wig.

But, you know, it might be an improvement.

Well, you shouldn't joke about it, Don.

I tell you what I'll do. I'll go down and cheer him up.

All right, you do that.

Will's keeping him company now. Okay.

I'll just finish this.

No, no, no, no, no.

You do dinner.

I'll finish it. All right, there you are.

I'll help you.

Dear, I'm not well, not well.

William, would you be good enough to give me a bit of fruit juice, please?

Sure, Dr. Smith.

Dr. Smith, you can't lock yourself up in here forever.

You've got to take off those blackout glasses sooner or later. Never.

As long as I can't see anything, I'm quite safe.

Maybe you were just having hallucinations.

Hallucinations, indeed. I'm a practical, realistic man.

Seeing is believing.

Oh, no, I wouldn't say that, Smith. I see you, but I don't believe it. Go

Major, you irk me.

Oh, there, there, there. Now calm yourself. What's wrong here? Oh, my

rapid.

Breathing, shallow. It's a classic example, William.

He's nuttier than a fruitcake.

I order you to leave my quarters immediately.

He really doesn't feel too good, Don.

No, I'm sorry, Smith. I don't mean to upset you. Why don't you take those

glasses off and tell me what this is all about?

Here, let me.

No, no, get away. Don't touch me.

These glasses are my only protection.

Don was only trying to help you.

The best way he can do that is to leave me alone.

Oh, everybody go.

Leave me alone in my misery.

Okay, Smith, suit yourself.

Dr. Smith, if there's anything you need, just call me.

I'm imagining things.

I'd better put my glasses back on.

It's too late.

Too late.

You can't shut me up. I'm not here.

I'm a figment of your imagination.

He's suffering from space fatigue.

I've seen it a hundred times.

Yes. Yes, space fatigue. That's exactly what it is.

It is space fatigue, but only a slight case.

It happens to all sensitive, highly intelligent individuals.

Flip, flip.

And they have hat.

Flip, flip. That's right.

Flip, flip.

Oh, pity. So young, so honest, so brave. So true, so

true. Whatever shall I do?

Wicked hat.

the walls and put in a barn door.

Then you wouldn't hurt yourself.

How sad.

How tragic.

And so young, too.

So young.

Not so young.

Not so young.

Shall we leave him alone?

Why not?

We can always come back.

Mr. Zalto?

Mr.

Zalto? Oh, dear.

I know you're there, Mr. Zalto.

I know you're there.

You're a very nice person, Mr. Zalto.

And so is your friend.

But I'm a very nice person too, Mr. Zalto, when you get to know me.

how we keep that chariot going.

Makeshift parts, diluted fuel, rerouted wiring.

And an awful lot of luck. But cheer up, old boy. The new model's on the market

and first thing in the morning we can take the old buggy down to our friendly

chariot dealer and trade her in for a new one. Now, is that a cash or a credit

deal? Okay, so we keep the old chariot.

Professor. It's you again, huh, Smith?

Professor Robinson.

Is there something I can do for you?

I'm in desperate need of psychiatric treatment.

My mental condition is deteriorating rapidly.

Are you still seeing that alien and his little dummy?

Not today, but I know they're still with me.

Personally, I don't believe you're having a breakdown.

There's a logical explanation for everything that's happening.

There sure is. You're not going crazy, Smith. You're already there.

For shame, Major.

Making sport of the sick and the helpless.

But it only proves what I've always said. You're a cold, cruel man.

Now, now, Doctor. Can't you see he's just joking?

Smith, listen. If you really want some help, I know something you should do.

I would accept any logical suggestion.

Great. Here.

They say hard work is a cure for all ills, Smith.

I'm only mentally disturbed, Major, not completely balmy.

Well, there's one area he's behaving normally.

Yeah, he's crazy, all right. Crazy like a fox.

Hi, Dr. Smith.

We're going to cheer you up. With clever conversation and witty sayings. Oh, go

away and leave me alone in my misery.

I guess you're right. There's nothing we can do for him. One moment, Will

Robinson. I have a poem which should raise Dr. Smith's spirits.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty was two inches tall.

He fell down and broke his shell.

Poor little egg. I wish him well.

I think I'm going to be violently ill.

Come on, Dr. Smith. Where's your sense of humor?

Personally, I thought my poem very amusing.

It is an original creation.

Is it indeed? I could have sworn it was Shakespeare.

Forgive me, William.

I'm not fit company for man or beast.

That's all right, Dr. Smith. Everything will be okay soon.

Oh, no, William.

This time, Zachary Smith has reached the breaking point.

They're back again.

They are?

Are you sure?

I don't see anything.

Only because you're not cracking up, William.

Now you see us. Now you don't.

Are they still here?

They've gone.

I have an opinion to express.

Spare me your opinion if that poem was quite enough. I'm barely hinging on

Saturday now. This concerns the alien and the dummy. They are not a figment of

Dr. Smith's imagination.

They exist.

What? When we asked you before, you said that they didn't. What is the meaning

of this?

At that time, I was not functioning properly.

I could take you to a place where a satisfactory explanation will be found.

However, I do not advise... Advise my foot, you presumptuous popinjay!

Lead on!

Very well. We're here. The explanation, please.

Patience, Dr. Smith.

Red carpet.

It just rolled out by itself.

I think we'd better return to the spaceship.

I feel perfectly splendid now. We're going to find out what this is all

In this particular case, blissful ignorance is preferable.

You want to be cured, don't you? Yes, I do, I do.

Very well.

Lead on, William.

I knew this was a mistake.

Maybe you're right, Dr. Smith.

Oh, dear.

I don't like caves.

They're dark and mysterious, and they frighten me.

Oh, but heavens.

What an enormous rock.

This is a rock, isn't it?

Dank and moist.

I'm afraid I shall catch a cold.

Oh, dear.

I'm frightened.

I don't like this place.

I don't like it at all.

Don't try to leave, Dr. Smith.

We love company.

We like it so much, we may never let you go.

I guess this proves you weren't imagining things, Dr. Smith.

And for that, I'm tremendously grateful, William.

But I'm afraid we've solved one problem and created another.

If you wish to see my master, he's in the next room.

Thank you for the invitation, your very kind.

But you see, actually, we have finished our business here. So if you will be

good enough to open the door.

Only the great Salto can let you out.

Well, don't just stand there. Go on in.

Looks like we're off to find the great Zalto.

Come on, Dr. Smith.

Oh, dear.

Zalto summons call.

Demand!

The spell isn't working.

sir. Oh, indeed we are.

It's not enough. Not nearly enough. I shall turn you all into frogs.

Frogs? Oh, you wouldn't do that?

I would. I would. I would. I would. I like frogs.

Earthlings, earthlings. Go away.

Give me froggy, froggy doodle bees.

Oh,

you want to see my power, do you?

Watch this, Maximilian.

How can a genius function with all this conversation?

Oh, by the way, how did you like my limited optical materialization?

Your what?

Appearing to just one person out of a group.

It can be quite maddening.

Perhaps to a lesser man, but actually I realized all the time that it was a mere

charlatan's trick.

Dr. Smith.

I do agree with you that as an effect, it was nothing.

You know, once I froze a whole lake of water on the hottest day of the year.

It was terrible.

We were stuck in the ice for two days.

How terrible.

Permit me to introduce myself.

I am Dr.

Zachary Smith, and this is my young friend, Mr. William Robinson.

I never shake.

There's so much power in these hands, I might accidentally destroy you.

I quite understand.

My master is the great Zalto.

Magic, witchcraft, love potions. I have conquered them all.

Professor, come with me.

I'm going to show you a little trick of Legend of Maine.

Legend of Maine, how nice.

It's one of my great interests, you know.

It is.

Now, you see, I'm going to turn this blast of liquid into solid gold.

Now, come, come, come, let us go.

Are you ready? Yes.

Just a slight error. A slight error, Professor.

Be gone!

A slight error. A very, very slight error.

I know so much magic, it's difficult to keep track of the formulas.

I see.

Perfectly understandable.

You know, Mr. Souto, I do admire your establishment. It's really quite

Oh, you do? Yes, I think so. But, you know, it's only temporary quarters.

I intend to leave this planet there very soon.

Where are you going?

Where am I going? To proclaim my genius throughout the galaxy.

My master has been working for ten years to become the greatest magician in the

galaxy.

And I have succeeded.

Well, you are extremely good at blowing up things.

Mr. Dalto, tell me what lies behind there.

Oh, what lies behind there.

Well, I'm glad this lasts.

That happens to be my greatest feat of magic.

Behold.

Ah, a spaceship.

Yes, a spaceship.

To you it may seem so, but for me it is the instrument that will put the name of

Salto on the lips of everyone.

What are you going to do with it?

Well, wouldn't you like to know?

Mr. Salto, are you sure that thing is capable of getting off the ground?

It can go anywhere.

Zoom! Right through the opening up there.

Could it reach Earth in a matter of hours?

How interesting.

William, our business here appears to be finished. I suggest you get back. They

will be worried about you. But, Dr. Smith, I want to look around.

Mr. Zalto has to practice his magic, don't you? Run along, dear boy, and take

that one with you. Yes, sir.

Come on, robot.

Aha!

And now to call my spirit.

Long ago and far away.

Mr. Zalto, I've been thinking.

It occurs to me that a man of your genius must really need an assistant.

I should like to offer my services in that capacity.

Please, you don't have to carrot the board.

Indeed I do. I'm highly qualified for it. I'm intelligent, trustworthy, and I

have a marvelous sense of humor.

Strange. I see none of those qualities.

The doctor is also very good at stretching the truth.

You make the little joke.

Yes, I did.

Let me assure you, sir, you couldn't hire a better man.

Let me look at you. Let me look at you, Dr. Smith.

I shall soon know if you have the true magician's talent.

This isn't going to hurt, is it? Not a bit. Not a teeny -weeny bit.

Dr. Smith?

Dr. Smith?

Dr. Smith?

Dr. Smith?

Do you hear me?

Yes, Master.

I hear you.

And I will obey.

I did it.

I did it. Did you hear me? I will obey.

Just one straw pass, out like a light.

Wonderful, Master.

It was nothing really.

I remember the... Last time you tried that trick on the great monster from the

planet Turon.

I wasn't myself that day. He beat you so badly, you had to eat nothing but soup

for a week.

I've gotten much better since then.

Now that you've got him asleep, do you think you can wake him up? Of course.

It's quite simple.

Dr. Smith, wake up.

Wake up.

Master, you should try.

Oh, well, if you insist.

Dr. Smith?

Dr. Smith, come back.

Come back, come back, wherever you are.

Master, it's not working.

It's not working? I know it's not working, you dummy.

Don't disturb me.

You know I don't remember well when I get confused. Dr.

Smith?

Dr. Smith?

Dr. Smith?

Come back.

Come back.

No sign of Dr. Smith.

I should never have left him with Mr. Zalto. Oh, well, it's not your fault,

dear. After all, you're not really to blame. You had no choice.

I think Donna and I will pay Mr. Zalto a visit.

That would not be necessary, Professor.

Never hear.

Smith the seer is here.

Boy, am I glad to see you back.

We thought Mr. Zalto had done something terrible to you. I'm deeply moved by

your concern, my dear, but as you can plainly see, I am hailed and haughty.

Dr. Smith, what are you doing in that outfit?

My dear madam.

This is the traditional dress of the magician's apprentice.

He gave you a job?

Certainly, my boy.

Mr. Zalto said that as soon as he discovered that I could pilot a

knew that I was exactly right for the position.

Position? Well, just exactly what I do this to be.

The usual things, mixing magic potions and delving into the occult world.

There is also some sort of stunt that Mr. Zalto would like me to do, but he

hasn't yet told me all the details.

Smith, you've done some pretty strange things in the past, but this one really

tops them all.

Magic. I knew there would be doubts cast upon my abilities, so I am prepared to

give a demonstration.

Oh, are you going to do a trick for us, Dr. Smith? Trick, indeed. That is hardly

the right word for a feat of genius.

Now then, clear the table.

There we are.

Note that the hat is on the table and is quite obviously empty.

Observe.

Ibity, bibity, ibity, say, ibity, bibity, vanilla.

Raise the hat, William.

Well, that's all wrong.

But wait a minute, Dr. Smith, I could use that.

But of course you can.

It was my intention, exactly.

A preliminary trick for the main event.

William, place the hat upon the table.

Now then, ibity, bibity, ibity, say, ibity, bibity, pistachio.

Raise the hat, William.

Good heavens.

I'm allergic to rabbits.

Take it away.

Take it away.

Things sure are dull with Dr. Smith gone so much.

True. A little spice makes for an exciting life.

Where'd you hear that brilliant remark?

It is another one of my creative efforts.

I have a real talent for poetry.

Do you agree?

It's not too bad, I guess.

Ah, greetings, greetings, my dear young friend.

The back of my hand to you, you addle -pated arm of error.

It is so nice to be loved.

I didn't expect to see you back from Mr. Zalto so soon.

My generous employer has given me the day off to prepare for my trip.

Trip? Are you going somewhere?

By this time tomorrow, I shall be hurtling through space a smile on my

thong in my heart.

Mrs. Alto is sending me to a deserted asteroid.

What for?

Some sort of publicity stunt to advertise his return.

My censors tell me that Dr.

Smith means what he's said, but has not said what he means.

For once you have diagnosed the situation accurately.

I have told the truth, but not all the truth.

I don't understand.

You will in time, my boy. Now I must leave.

I have an announcement of the greatest importance to make to the leaders of the

expedition. Carry on.

Perhaps you didn't understand me.

I said I was going back to Earth.

Home! Sweet, sweet home!

We understood you perfectly.

You intend stealing Mr. Zalto's ship.

No wonder you were so eager to become his assistant, Smith.

That is the unkindest cut of all.

For the good of our entire intrepid little band, I propose to take a very

perilous journey through space.

And do I get encouragement? I do not.

I am called a thief.

Well, we appreciate your intentions, Dr. Smith.

It's your methods we disagree with. To leave this bleak and unhappy planet, I

would steal a hundred spaceships.

Now, listen.

We all want to go home as badly as you do. The only difference is we won't

the law to do it. I refuse to discuss this matter any further.

You are entitled to your opinions. I am entitled to mine.

And now you must excuse me. I have some packing to do.

My dear friends, we have tasted the bitter and the sweet together.

And now the time has come to say farewell.

It's not going to be the same without you, Dr. Smith.

Those are also my sentiments.

I shall miss you, dear William.

I shall also miss you, you bubble -headed booby.

Oh, Dr.

Smith. Don't go.

Stay with us.

We need you.

There, there. Pull yourself together.

We must be brave.

Forgive me for this emotional display, Dr. Smith.

Good. Goodbye, my friend.

Here.

Blow your bubble.

You really like the robot, don't you, Dr. Smith?

How can one have affection for an insensitive machine, William?

That silly, stupid, lovable old ninny.

Dr. Smith, if I weren't so grown up, I think I might cry.

So would I.

But we're both too adult for that sort of thing.

Aren't we?

Goodbye, Dr. Smith.

Farewell.

Adieu, sweet prince.

Adieu.

Dr. Smith left yet? No, dear. He's outside saying goodbye to Will and the

I forgot his journal with all his scientific research on space floor and

Oh, well, you'd better hurry and give it to him. I'm sure that all the world is

waiting breathlessly.

We're sure going to miss him.

Affirmative.

Affirmative. Will, has Dr. Smith left yet?

He's gone, Penny.

But not forgotten.

He forgot his journal with all his scientific data in it. Let me take it to

Then I can watch him take off.

I don't know.

It's all right, Penny.

Okay. Now we can say goodbye to Dr. Smith all over again.

I just can't understand that Dr. Smith. He should have been here by now.

And he has such an honest face.

That's a matter of opinion.

Matter of opinion?

Never judge a book by its cover.

Never judge a book by its cover?

Especially if it's an old edition.

But the older it is, the better it is. Only if it's a book.

Well, look, he said he was honest, trustworthy, and had a sense of humor.

Yeah, a practical joker.

Practical joker? Well, he better not be joking this time, or else. Or else what?

It's a matter of opinion.

Oh, I don't know how we ever got it to this here. We shouldn't have been here

the first place. I just can't understand it. Now, we made a right turn at

Jupiter. Now, if we had gone on the left, Neptune had three rings.

We followed the map, going around toward the left.

All these problems.

Dr. Smith, he should have been here by now.

Mr. Zalto!

Ah, Mr. Zalto.

Oh, Dr.

Smith. You're late.

I was beginning to think you changed your mind.

By no means, my dear sir. I have been waiting for this opportunity to take

trip for a very long time. Good, good. I see you brought luggage.

Just a few simple necessities.

Well, I'm all ready to go. Good. Do you remember your instructions?

Perfectly. I am to get within 500 miles of the asteroid, and then I am to launch

the rocket in the nose cone of a spaceship.

Right. And they'll strike the deserted asteroid, explode, and spell out my name

in flaming letters.

Exactly so.

And then I am to adjust my controls and return.

Yes, yes. Well, it's getting late. I think you should board the spaceship.

My dear Mr. Zalto, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this opportunity.

It's my pleasure. Enjoy, enjoy. I intend to. You're very kind. Well, goodbye.

Bon voyage.

Mr. Zalto.

Yes, Dr. Smith.

My suitcase.

Oh, your suitcase.

Thank you.

Goodbye. Bon voyage.

Oh, Dr.

Smith! Yes, Dr.

Smith! Your safety helmet.

My safety helmet. I'm absolutely sure.

Bon voyage.

Goodbye.

Very small.

Happy flight, Pattern.

Where's Dr. Smith?

He's in the spaceship.

I've got to give him his notebook. You can't go in there. It's too late.

Yeah, but this is important.

I've got to give it to him. Very good.

Very well. If you must, you must. Go right ahead. My son, be my guest. Thank

you.

Dr. Smith.

I've got to give him his notebook.

Will Robinson is still inside.

Please, it can't fly with the door open. That does not compute. Open the door.

Will you be quiet?

I did it! I did it! It never does a book by its cover.

I'm the greatest magician in the whole game.

Witness your triumph, master.

We shall stay awake to be sure we do not miss the spectacle.

The Earthman was of little value, but it is unfortunate the boy will be

destroyed also.

A pity, but he had no right to go aboard the spaceship.

You are right, master.

I'm right.

Someone get your room back.

Our cause is set, William. There can be no return.

What about Mom and Dad? They'll be worried. They won't know what happened

The robot will inform them.

Dr. Smith, I don't want to go to Earth. William, my dear boy, fate has decreed

that we should make this journey together.

Now, cheer up. In a very short time, we shall be home again.

Without the rest of the family, who cares?

I can assure you they will soon be joining us.

They will?

Of course.

Once we reach Earth, we will report to the space exploration authorities the

exact location of the planet where your family is marooned. A rescue mission

will be sent, and in no time at all, we will all be united again.

It sure is beautiful out there, isn't it?

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

For my part, if I never see another star, I'll have it again as long as I

It will be much too soon.

Now, you know how Will is.

How he has to examine everything new he sees.

He probably just ran into an unusual rock formation.

No, something's happened to him. I just feel it. Mother, I'm sure he's all

right. I'm ready when you are.

Now, don't worry. We're going to find him. Alert!

Alert! The robot's back.

And Will's not with him. Danger!

Danger!

What happened? A terrible thing has occurred.

Will Robinson has been trapped in the spaceship with Dr. Smith. Oh, no.

How did that happen? The magician is responsible.

He deliberately closed the door. Before I could stop him, he activated the ship

and launched it into space.

I have failed in my duty to protect my friends.

What are we going to do?

Mr. Zalto is going to perform a feat of magic. He's going to bring back Will and

Dr. Smith.

Judy, you stay here and get that force field going. All right.

Well, I think it's time for more libation to celebrate Buki.

William, hold it, will you?

Thank you.

There.

Ah, there.

There is nothing like champagne to make an occasion more festive.

Where did you get it?

Provided with the compliments of Mr. Dalton.

He produced it by magic. Like your rabbit trick, huh? The same principle is

involved. Pity I had to leave before I found out how it works.

How clever.

My dear young friend, I propose a toast to the new and happy life we shall find

on Earth.

Mr. Sartre's champagne is on a par with his magic.

House and above.

Champagne always does that to me. I thought only rabbits did that to you.

Rabbits and champagne and tacitus and ragweed and face travel.

John Robinson, open that door.

Mrs. Alto?

How dare you? Can't you see I'm asleep?

We've got to talk to you.

Go away. You'll wake me.

This isn't a social call. You come down from there or I'll... Well, very well.

If you insist.

I just can't seem to get a good night's rest.

You deliberately trapped my son on your spaceship.

I want you to bring him back.

I regret the incident, but I cannot recall the mission.

Its success is too important to me. My son is the only thing that's important

me. Smith never had any intention of going near an asteroid. All he wanted

your spaceship.

Look, he's heading straight for Earth. You must make him return.

I've been tricked.

Tricked by that...

Dr. Smith. He said he was simple, handsome, honest.

Well, he lied. He lied to me. I have computed your motives, Mr. Zolto.

They also were not honest.

What do you mean?

Had Dr. Smith followed Mr. Zolto's orders, he would have been destroyed.

I thought this was some kind of an advertising stunt.

A most deadly one.

Dr. Smith was supposed to fire two harmless rockets into the asteroid.

In reality, they are missiles.

Loaded with high explosives.

Not only would the asteroid have been blown up, but the spaceship as well.

My greatest feat of magic ruined by a worthless assistant.

Look, I'm not going to argue with you. I want you to bring my son back and bring

him back now.

There's nothing I can do.

He is once again being dishonest. There is a method of communications.

A radio.

You blabbermouth. You've got ten seconds to get that set operational.

Ten seconds?

Now you've got eight.

Eight seconds.

I hope the tubes are in good shape.

Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

The wavelength has been established.

I don't know if I can make contact with the spaceship.

You mean nothing can be done?

Wait a minute. There is something that can be done.

I just can't think of it. It's a moment.

Get out of there, Salto. I'm taking over.

I want you off this planet by dawn.

Hello. This is John Robinson calling Dr. Smith.

A whole lifetime of work and practice. This is John Robinson calling Dr. Smith.

Coiled by a shovel. Come in, Dr. Smith.

This is John Robinson.

Wrong again.

John, keep trying. We've got to contact them.

This is John Robinson calling Dr.

Smith. Come in, Dr. Smith.

If I'd listened to that gypsy fortune teller, I never would have taken this

trip. Oh, well.

Now it's back to space side shows.

Planet circuses.

And asteroid crowning fairs.

What is it?

It is time you performed your great disappearing act.

You know that never worked very well.

Try, master.

Try.

All right, you convince me. I will.

Good luck.

Thanks.

I did it. I did it.

Look at it, William.

Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?

So, how lovely is thy name.

What's the matter, my boy?

I can't help thinking about Mom and Dad and the rest of the family.

But I can assure you that they will soon be with us. Now, you must dismiss the

thought from your mind.

I know, but I just can't.

Really, William, the happiest day of your life, and you spoil it by thinking

about the past.

Don't you realize that every second we come closer and closer to home?

Home? We must surely be close enough now for radio communication.

Try and make contact.

This is Will Robinson calling out... Alpha Control.

Come in, Alpha Control.

This is Will Robinson calling Alpha Control.

Come in if you hear me.

Oh, give it here.

Alpha Control, will you come in, please?

Attention. This is United Defense Command Headquarters calling alien

You will identify yourself, please. Yes, certainly, sir. Just a moment while I

get my wallet.

What? Wallis? Oh, good heavens, I have no Wallis. I am Doctor. Doctor, I'm

Doctor Somebody. I know I am. William, what am I? What? What? Doctor?

Doctor Zachary Smith. I'm Doctor Zachary Smith.

I am a member of the Robinson Space Exploration Party, which has been lost

four years.

Two years. Two years. Two dreadful, horrible years. You will not believe the

frightful experiences that we have undergone, the sordid experiences on

dreadful planets.

Hello?

Hello, are you there? Maybe they didn't hear you. Well, of course they did.

This is Dr. Zachary Smith speaking.

We have been lost in space.

Attention. Alien spacecraft, attention.

Identify yourself or we will be forced to take action.

What? We're not any aliens.

There's no danger. We are Earth people.

Two simple, lovable, charming Earth people.

Take a look for yourself. Look, there and there. Hello?

Are you there?

It's no use, Dr. Smith. We're not getting through to them.

So close and yet so far.

This is a final warning.

Identify yourself or we will be forced to attack.

What are we going to do, Dr. Smith?

I have it. We'll fire Mr. Dalton's rocket.

That should prove to the defense command that we're friendly.

I don't know if that's such a good idea. He assured me they were harmless.

But, Dr. Smith... Never fear. Smith is here and cannot fail to work.

Now, here is the trigger.

Will you take hold of the trigger and fire one?

Ready to fire one. Fire one.

Firing one.

Thank you. Very well done.

Now fire two.

Ready to fire two.

Tear me the fancy brick of a roll and fire two.

Fire two.

That should convince them that we're friends.

We sure hope so.

We should be hearing from the defense command at any moment now.

Attention all units.

Alien spacecraft of a hostile nature.

Report of two neutronic missiles exploding in the Pacific Ocean.

It can't be. It's a mistake.

All units shall begin repelling attack immediately and continue firing until

enemy has been destroyed.

We've got to alter our course.

and Dr. Smith are probably on Earth by now.

Yeah, I do hope it isn't too cold. You know, he wasn't very warmly dressed.

My sensors detect an approaching alien aircraft.

Oh, Will.

Are you all right, son?

I'm a little bit sleepy.

The rest of me is fine. Oh, dear, we thought you'd landed on Earth.

Well, what was wrong?

Well, Dr. Smith can tell you all about that. Right now we have to get him back

to the spaceship so he can go to bed.

Oh, come on.

Oh, dear.

I still feel a little faint.

I am very glad you have returned, Dr. Smith.

Thank you, sir.

I can't tell you how delighted I am to have returned to Earth.

Ah, the sweet smell of one's native soil.

What's the matter with him?

My computers tell me that Dr. Smith has undergone a very traumatic experience.

His condition is not serious, and recovery is only a matter of hours.

Come along, Dr. Smith.

Certainly, sir.

You have no idea how good it feels to be home again.

I must tell you that my experience is in faith truly remarkable.

I know you will find them hard to believe.

Dr. Smith.

Yes. There is something in your hat. Huh?

Take it away! Take it away!

Astrogator control.

No.

Fuel injection system.

No. Computer system.

No.

Maureen, check the harness safety.

All strapped. in.

Harness safety, go.

All right, stand by for power check.

Ignition. Go.

Power off.

Not a no -go in the lot.

Did you check those launch figures?

And double -checked them, right down to the last decimal point. Hit the escape

corridor and lock on our flight path to Alpha Centauri. We leave at 0800 hours.

Not a minute earlier, not a minute later.

Well, then 0800 it is.

Maureen, as soon as Dr. Smith and Will get back, we'll have a final briefing.

All right, John.

Not a nugget among them.

Here, William, take them all. You seem to be very happy with your work.

Well, it's the last chance I'll get to be active before we reach Alpha

If we ever get there, which I very much doubt, and I certainly do not desire.

I've got a cure for doubt, Dr. Smith.

Have you indeed?

I, too, have a cure, which I shall now quote.

When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, yell and shout.

Mine's better than that.

Take this and get yourself some ore samples from that rock formation over

Then we can make some geological assays together during our flight.

Splendid. I can hardly wait.

And I will accompany you, Dr. Smith.

Oh, thank you. You're so good to me. Come along, you cloud.

Pressure, pressure.

Rocks indeed.

They are of no particular interest to me.

The things I endure for young William.

Well, my robust rock hound, where do you suggest that I begin?

Right here, Dr. Smith.

My sensors indicate that if we expose this outcrop, we may uncover a fossil

bearing strata of great geological interest.

Let me assure you at once that it cannot be of possible interest to me.

Also, I must warn you that you are in a gaseous area.