Original subtitles

Last week, as you recall, we left the Jupiter II and our space pioneers

contentedly streaking through the heavens, unaware that a giant space mass

even now hurtling out of the blackness directly towards them. We must be nearly

a million miles out in space, Dad.

Closer to two million, son.

Wow, we must be traveling at close to speed of light.

Just about, Will.

What a pity we have no idea where we're traveling to.

We'll know once we spot a familiar star and get a fix on it.

The trouble is, there are billions of stars out there, and they all look

familiar. He's right. I can't tell one from the other. Of course not, silly.

don't know anything about astronomy.

But Dad does, and so does Don. That is devoutly to be wished.

Howsomever, I think I shall do a little stargazing on my own.

You mean you're going to take another nap?

Spare me the barbs, Major. Just remember they laughed at Copernicus, too.

You, sir, come with me.

And you, come with me, my dear.

I want to stay here with Dad and Don. They may need my help.

Not as much as I do.

Holy cow.

Now, let's see.

Earth should be back here.

John, maneuver around it.

We can't get around it. We've had it.

We're going to crash.

We're passing right through it.

Well, switch on the analyzer. Right, Dad.

It's okay, Dr. Smith. We're not going to crash. You don't have to be afraid.

A bridge?

Aye.

It's just cosmic dust, Dad. A big ball of cosmic dust.

Coming out of it.

Well, for a minute I really thought we had it.

So did I.

There is no need to panic.

If either of you had thought to switch on the matter analyzer before you hit

alarm, the women and children would have been spared a terrifying ordeal.

You're right about that, Smith.

We trusted our eyes instead of our estimates.

In space, that can be a dangerous mistake.

Try not to let it happen again, please.

Come along.

Someday.

I've got it!

I've got it! I've got it!

Got what?

The present position in our cause for earth.

There's no question about it. The robot has verified my instruments, fighting to

my calculations. Now I'll just reset the astrogator, and we'll be back on Earth

in exactly 47 hours and 43 minutes.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Our destination is Alpha Centauri, not Earth, Doctor. Well, we can find Earth

three, and that's exactly where we're going.

Through something or I'll kill him!

It's okay now.

We're back on course.

I couldn't have held on much longer. Oh, that's all right, dear. You did well.

Both of you.

From now on, you stay away from that.

Surely, Major, you don't blame me for this mishap. Who should I blame? Why,

yourself, of course. If you hadn't been so heavy -handed... Why, you... Stand

back, sir. I warn you.

Stand back, sir.

Stay away from me.

Give me that slip of paper.

Our position and course for Earth?

For the last time, Smith, our destination is Alpha Centauri.

I see.

Then, of course, you will have no further need for this. Just a minute.

Yes? If you've plotted our position, I want you to give it to me.

Only if you give me your word, you'll use it to get us back to Earth.

Well, that's blackmail.

Call it what you will.

I have really no interest in canting out again on some dreary cinder in space.

I'll get it from you.

One step... Closer, Major, and I'll swallow it.

And since I was only able to find our position by accidentally sighting a

familiar town, the odds are a million to one that neither of you will be able to

duplicate my calculations.

He's right about that.

Then earth it is.

Oh, come, come, Professor. Every second you delay is taking us thousands of

miles further off course.

All right, Smith, you win.

We have a deal.

Provided your calculations are correct, we have a deal.

Of that, you may be sure.

Verify them with the robot.

Meanwhile, I'll go and spread the good news that we shall be changing course

Earth in a matter of days.

We're going back to Earth. The wonderful, wonderful Earth. Of all I

the best part of all in all the universe.

Oh, we're going back to Earth. We're really going back to Earth. Of all I

recall, it's the best part...

You shouldn't have made a deal with them.

Our orders were to go to Alpha Centauri, not back to Earth. Until we know our

position, we can't go anywhere.

Are Dr. Smith's calculations correct?

Affirmative. However, the calculations are not Dr.

Smith's. They are mine.

Well, it appears we made a deal with the devil.

A deal you intend to keep, right?

I gave him my word.

Okay, then I'll set the astrogator on the course for Earth. As I informed Dr.

Smith, Earth course is not advisable.

Why? From our position at this time of year, the azimuth and inclination.

And for what we are about to receive, we give thanks.

Amen. Amen. You might add a word of thanks that I was inspired to plot our

course for Earth.

We've already thanked the robot, Dr. Smith.

Really?

Well, Mrs. Robinson, what did our environmental computer come up with for

first meal in space?

Well, let's push a button and see.

Really? Here, eat it, Debbie. It's concentrated hyperprotein.

Oh, Debbie.

My sentiments exactly.

I'm going to miss our hydroponic garden.

I think I'll go on a hunger strike until we reach home.

Dad, when exactly will we reach Earth?

We're not returning to Earth, son.

What?

You gave me your word of honor.

Yes, provided your calculations were correct.

And they were.

You forgot to mention the one detail that makes our return to Earth

I see.

You've been talking to that traitorous electronic jump pile.

That's right, Smith.

And it's a lucky thing we did, too.

Because he told us that right now, at this time of year, the sun is between us

and Earth.

And we wouldn't have found out until we were caught in the gravitational pull of

the sun.

We can maneuver around the sun, perhaps.

But that's a risk I don't intend to take.

And we're not going home at all?

No, darling, we're not.

You've broken your solemn word of honor, Professor.

I warn you, I will not go to Alpha Centauri. No one says you have to,

Anytime you want, I'll stop the Jupiter II and let you off.

Bah!

Never mind about Dr. Smith, Dad.

He'll probably even like Alpha Centauri once we get there. We all will.

If we get there.

Oh, we'll get there all right. The Astrogate has been programmed and it's

on course.

Not to make any more noise than you can help, you clumsy clump.

They've locked the Astrogator.

That is a true statement.

Do they think that will stop me?

Your question cannot be answered.

Insufficient data.

I'll answer it for you, you ninny.

Do you see this ring?

Magnetic material. Exactly. Quite capable of deflecting the astrogator to

course I choose.

Sir.

On my way to Earth again, to wonderful, wonderful Earth again. A ball, I recall,

is the best part of all. May I ask you... Quiet, you goose!

On my way to Earth again, to wonderful, wonderful Earth again. A ball, I recall,

is the best part of all.

Attention! Attention!

New course requires reprogramming of fuel consumption distance ratios.

Why don't you attend to that little problem, dear boy?

Negative. I have no information on the procedure.

But it shouldn't be too difficult to figure out. Let me see.

Yes. It's all right here.

There.

And here. Ah, yes, here are some pretty ones.

There, you see.

Did we need that fuel?

In a few hours, this ship will be out of fuel and helpless.

Get out of the way, Smith.

How bad is it?

We've got power for 20, 25 hours, no more.

We'd better find someplace to land.

Switch the manual controls.

Right.

Something's wrong. The controls are frozen.

The astrogator won't cut out.

How did this ring get here?

I must have absentmindedly left it there. So it altered our course for

huh?

I'm going to take you apart bit by bit and throw the pieces away. Smith, get

below and stay there.

My ring, sir.

So we just keep going till we run out of fuel, and then we just drift into

space. Wait a minute, wait a minute. There is something we can do.

Yeah, what's that?

The fuel cells have to be replaced, and we don't have any replacements. And

there are no service stations in outer space, remember?

Maybe there are.

Here, look.

Here's our present position.

On the edge of the Cerebitus galaxy.

Right. Now, you remember the year before we left?

Alpha Control set out a string of fuel barges somewhere in this area.

Yeah, as refueling stations for the Intergalactic Probe 22, wasn't it?

Now, these barges should be somewhere within, oh, 21 hours of our present

position.

We might make it. Yeah. I'll set a new course.

Holding steady on course for the fuel barges.

We're picking up something else on the radar.

A whole series of blips right around those fuel bodges.

Blips? How big?

Oh, about four or six feet.

About the size of a man, Dad?

That's right, son, but obviously they couldn't be men. There aren't any

around here.

At least not that we know of.

All right, stand by for lock -on.

I'll maneuver into position while you get in the airlock, Don. Right.

Okay,

Don, we've moved into position.

We'll pick you up on the monitor.

I'm on my way.

Can you hear me?

How are you doing?

in toward the barge now.

Stay in close voice contact.

You're moving past our monitor radius.

Everything's A -OK.

I'm at the barge now.

Right now, I'm connecting the fuel line.

John, the fuel gauge in this barge reads down a quarter.

But there's no indication that any other ship docked here.

Well, that's not possible.

Well, something's been at this fuel supply.

Maybe it was a leak.

If it was, the fuel would still be moving past the barges.

Everything's still A -OK.

The refueling is completed.

And I'm on my way back... Who are you?

Who's there?

Don, what's wrong?

Good job.

Thanks.

Bravo, Major, bravo. You've done it again. I congratulate you on your

What are you doing up here?

You were ordered to stay alone. I just wanted to make sure that you were all

right after your little walk in peace.

Now let me help you off with this.

There we go.

And I'll check you over later.

John, did either you or Wilf see anything while I was out there?

Not a thing.

Could it be that our poor Major is suffering from hallucinations?

What did you think?

It was nothing, I guess.

There couldn't be anything out there in space.

Yeah, that's right, Will.

I just thought I saw something moving around out there.

Now we're seeing things, are we, Major?

Oh, you'd better let me check you over.

Tell us about it, Don.

Well, there's really nothing to tell. I just thought I saw what might be a

figure ducking in and out behind the fuel barge.

You've been out in peace too long, Major. That's enough, Smith.

Are you sure?

No.

But I am sure that I think I saw something. Space rapture, that's

it was.

When the too rigid military mind snaps, it goes all the way.

I'm afraid our poor major is sick.

Sick, sick, sick, sick, sick. That's quite enough, Smith.

I wish I had seen it. You might, my boy, you might. But a fine scientific mind

like mine could never be fooled by such a mirage.

Escort Dr. Smith to the lower level and see that he remains there.

Until further notice, he's confined to his quarters.

Very well, Professor.

And the next time you need an aspirin major, I'll refer you to the nearest

store.

Trigger!

I'll attend to you later.

Well, next stop, Alpha Centauri.

You clanking clod.

I have my orders.

Well, I'm giving you new orders. You get up there and reset our course for us.

My orders are not to leave you.

Well, disobey them. Have you no mind of your own?

Negative. I am a robot.

You are a deplorable dummy.

No!

Somehow I've got to find a way to alter our course.

Oh, hello, Dr. Smith.

Hello, dear child.

Where are you off to?

To the control room. Say goodnight to Daddy and Don.

Penny?

Penny?

Did you say to the control room, my dear?

That's right.

Want to ride out with me?

I wouldn't dare to show my face up there.

Why? What did you do?

I fell asleep on watch.

Dr. Smith.

Oh, Dr.

Smith. You have made an incorrect... statement.

Either rectify it or I... You disconnected his power pack.

His memory banks are corroded. One must not overtax them, as I was saying.

What's even worse than falling asleep?

I forgot to reset the astrogator before I went off duty.

When your father and Major West find out, I don't know what they'll do.

I think you should tell them. I'm afraid.

Do you remember how you felt when you lost your father's chance?

Yes.

But you helped me find them.

Yes, I did.

I have an idea, Penny.

Would you like to return that favor and help your poor old friend, Dr. Smith?

How?

Just reset the astrogator on this course.

Well, I don't know. I don't blame you. Why would you want to risk getting into

trouble just to help an old friend?

Because that's what friends are for.

Yes, they are. Then you do it.

Well, I'll have to tell Dad about it in the morning. We'll talk about it later.

All right, my dear.

Thank you, my dear, dear little friend.

Big mouth.

What is keeping that child?

What do you suppose is keeping that child?

Insufficient data.

You're a fund of information, aren't you? You lily -livered, lead -lined

There you are, dear, dear little friend. There you are.

Ah, yes.

Did you do it, dear?

Sure. And no one saw you? No.

Lovely. I think we'll go right to bed now, dear. Right to bed. Good night.

There is more than one

way to skin a cat, dear boy.

There are exactly 37 ways.

And I've used them all.

Oh, Dr. Smith.

Yes. You disconnected my power pack.

I must ask for a complete report of what transpired while I was deactivated.

None of your business, you scurrilous catebrain.

It is required that my memory banks be constantly in operation in order for me

to record any dangerous scientific phenomena in outer space.

Dangerous scientific phenomena indeed, you blithering booby. What could

be out there in all that nothingness?

outside the viewport.

A pretty little thing, all green, with a transparent dome for a hat.

What else was she wearing?

One of those skin -tight things.

You know, a sort of golden -green leotard.

Very pretty, I must say.

Dr. Smith, how big was this green thing, or girl, or whatever it was?

Well, I don't really know. She was floating around, and I was trying to

what she was saying.

What she was saying?

I don't even know why I'm wasting time listening to these ravings. Smith,

finally flipped your wig. I think we should all turn in. And leave me here

alone? Of course, Dr. Smith. If you're afraid, I'll have someone. I'm not

afraid. Of course I'm not afraid.

It's just that I'd like a witness.

Just in case she comes back.

That's all.

A witness.

Mom, I'll stay up with Dr. Smith for a while.

I'm not very tired. And besides, I'd like to see the Green Lady. If she does

come back.

Well, I...

All right, then.

But don't stay up too late.

Good night.

Good night, Will. Good night, Dr. Smith.

You're a dull but little chap, my boy. I've always said so.

We might even be able to play a game or two of chess.

Okay, Dr. Smith, I think I'd like that.

Yes.

I think I'll have your

queen in two moves, Dr. Smith.

Don't be a nasty little boy.

No!

It's her.

I know what you're thinking.

But I tell you, she wasn't there.

It's my move, Dr. Smith.

You saved your queen.

But if I'm right, I'll have you unchecked by three moves.

Will. Will.

Yes, sir?

Look now.

When I give you the word, turn slowly around.

Is she there again?

Let's not frighten her away.

Just turn slowly.

No! No! Will! Quick! Quick!

Well?

You saw her that time, didn't you? You see, she's all green, just as I said.

What do you think of her?

Dr. Smith, I didn't see anything.

Of course you saw her. She was there, big as life and twice as green.

Dr. Smith, there was nothing there.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

Mom once told me about people who see things.

She said they're the cause of a guilty conscience.

A long time ago, Penny made some fudge for a space couch meeting.

I found it and ate it, and I didn't tell anyone.

Right after that, I started to have bad dreams.

I told Mom about it, and she said I must have a bad deed on my mind.

When I admitted eating the fudge, the bad dream stopped.

Very interesting story, my boy.

But in no way does it apply to me.

Yes, it does.

If you've done something wrong. I tell you, that green beauty swimming in space

is real.

So are my bad dreams.

Indeed. I think it's time you went to bed, young man.

All right, Dr. Smith.

Are you sure you'll be okay?

Of course. And if I should require company, there is always that one.

That one.

At least you can beat him at chess.

Go to bed, young man.

Go to bed.

I need you, sir.

Come here.

Keep a sharp lookout for a girl, about five foot two, green hair, green eyes.

She's all green, and she sings a lot.

Opera or pop?

Opera or pop indeed, you ninny. It doesn't matter what she sings.

What matters is that I say she's out there, and they say I'm Barney.

As soon as you see her, signal me immediately. Do you understand?

Your instructions are clear.

Watch carefully.

Oh, dear.

I'm exhausted.

It's all this stress and strain.

It's just too much. I simply can't.

Attention, Dr. Smith.

Attention, Dr. Smith.

I'm innocent!

It's her.

She's back.

You... You see her, don't you?

Yes. Oh, thank goodness.

But she does not compute.

You've got to make her compute.

I must know who she is, what she is, and why no one but you and I can see her.

It does not compute.

Others can see her if I can.

But they don't.

She may not want others to see her. Only you.

She's singing her little song again.

Progression. I can translate.

She states that she is from the people of the green mist.

She is in love with you.

She wants you to come away with her.

She does?

Well, of course she does.

I can understand why she chose me.

But the point is, what can she offer?

What sort of life could we have living in green mist?

I'm terribly flattered, dear.

But really, there's no way, no way at all.

What is it? What is it? I don't know. I'm going with you.

How dare you?

My orders are to keep you here.

Please, kill you down the head.

Hurry, hurry. Dr. Smith.

What is it, John? Do you know what the trouble is?

They only know it's the outside atmosphere warning system.

What's happening, Dad?

I'm not sure.

But the temperature outside the ship started to climb.

John, look at the aftergate. We're off course again.

And we're heading for Earth again.

Do you know what you've done?

Do you realize what's going to happen because you wouldn't listen?

Take a look. Take a look out there. Do you see that?

That's our death warrant.

I don't know what you mean.

I don't see anything.

Oh, no?

Well, look again.

There's that flaring star out there.

You mean...

That flaring star?

Yes, I can see it. It happens to be the sun.

Our sun.

The sun that Earth orbits.

Its temperature is so high it can reduce the hollow of this ship to butter. And

we're heading straight for it.

But I had nothing to do with it. I haven't touched the instruments.

Well, if you didn't, Dr. Smith, I'd certainly like to know who did.

Dad! Not now, Penny.

Dad, Dr. Smith didn't do it.

I did.

Oh, Penny.

Penny? What do you think?

Penny, why did you touch it?

Can I tell you even if I promise not to?

Whom did you promise, dear?

Dr. Smith, when I helped him.

Well, Smith, you really hit bottom on that one.

I can explain everything.

What's more, you've set the ship on a course for second destruction.

There must be something we can do, John.

We'll plot a new course, extend it into the space -time solution.

The best we'll do is a near miss.

Is that going to be good enough? I don't know. We'll have to cope with

temperatures hundreds of degrees higher than normal.

Will the ship melt, Dad?

Well, the titanium hull should be able to withstand the heat, son, but it's

going to get pretty bad in here.

You think you can take it?

Yes, sir.

It'll be one pleasure in this, Smith, watching you fry.

Look!

Pull up, y 'all. The sun's gravitational pull.

John, have we got a chance?

We haven't given up yet, dear.

We've got to pull out now or it'll be too late.

Give me a gravitation count.

42 .8, 40 .3, 39 .4 and dropping.

I knew it all the time.

If I could have everyone's attention for a minute.

There's something I think you should all know.

Before Don and I came down, we completed our computations.

We decided we have just enough fuel for one course change without endangering

our landing.

So, now that we're safely past our sun, and since it is closer than Alpha

Centauri, we've decided to head for Earth.

Earth!

Earth!

Mother Earth!

Home and hearth! Home!

Creed Suzette!

Cezant under glass!

I've done it!

Dr. Smith, try to control yourself.

I simply can't wait.

When will the joyous occasion of our landing take place?

Don? Our course has to be adjusted at precisely three minutes after midnight

tonight.

We'll only have one chance.

If we hit our course on time, we'll be firing our retro rockets sometime

tomorrow afternoon.

Dr. Smith, maybe we'll be in time for the World Series.

Oh, yes, that's... We can go horseback riding and swimming in a bicycle.

All right, now, that's enough.

I suggest that we all go to bed as soon as we're through eating. We're going to

have a very busy day tomorrow.

Besides, Don and I have some important maneuvering to do just before midnight.

Come on now, children, back to the table.

Oh, joy.

Oh, bliss.

Oh, creeps.

It is our destiny.

Oh, Charlie.

Charlie.

Eighteen minutes to firing for New Court.

Right.

We should be able to see Earth by now, packing by Uranus and Arcturus.

John, do you see?

Yes, I see it.

And he was telling the truth.

I better get the rest of the family up here right away.

I know what you mean.

What is it, John?

What's wrong?

Well, take a look.

She is all green, just like Dr. Smith.

Where could she have come from?

From the green mist.

By the fuel barge?

Maybe there were a lot of them. That would explain the blips we picked up on

radar. I have had time to compute this creature and have found that she and her

kind feed upon atomic fuel.

She has followed us for our fuel supply.

Golly, she looks like a kind of fairy princess.

Poor Dr. Smith.

It looks like he's been hypnotized. He thinks he's in love.

In love? You're kidding.

I have not been programmed for humor.

She has created this state of mind in order to try to get fuel from us.

Well, what are we going to do?

Well, I'm going to make a course change in 12 minutes.

12 minutes? That's right, or we'll never make it back to Earth. Well, then we'd

better get Dr. Smith back on board right away.

We can't. He's too far from the ship to shoot him a line.

And if we did change course to get him closer, we wouldn't have fuel enough to

make a second course change for Earth.

But you can't just leave him there.

Well, what would happen if we did change course?

We'd miss Earth entirely.

We'd shoot right out the other side of the galaxy.

We'd be lost in space again.

Well, then that's the way it has to be.

We've got to save Dr. Smith.

Why? He's caused us nothing but trouble from the beginning. Now, why should we

sacrifice everything just for him?

Because he's a human being.

I say we go to Earth.

Let him stay out there.

For the rest of eternity?

Preparing cost deviation of three degrees.

0 .0450?

Check.

25 azimuth degrees.

Coming in, Flo.

Well, somebody has to haul him back in.

Dr. Smith?

Yes, my darling?

Oh, wake up!

What? What is the meaning of this?

What am I doing in my space suit?

We rescued you, Dr. Smith.

Rescued me, indeed.

From my bed?

You were out there with the Green Lady.

What? He's right.

You were in some sort of hypnotic trance. We just pulled you in.

Or rather, Don did.

Oh? Well...

Help me up, Will. Careful. My back.

How thoughtful of you, Major.

I suppose I'm deeply in your debt.

Forget it. I've always heard that only superior intellects are subject to

hypnotic influence.

Play it again.

Alpha Control, this is Jupiter 2. Do you read me? This is Alpha Control.

Your signal is very faint. Your identification sounded like the Jupiter

Please reconfirm. We are the Jupiter 2, you idiots! Help us!

The Jupiter 2 was lost in space over a year ago.

But we've come back! We're pioneers!

Heroes! Alpha Control, we're on auxiliary power.

Can you track it? Only with a radio telescope.

Can you try telemetry? You are beyond the range of our telemetry. You seem to

passing... Departing this galaxy.

Can you change heading? Negative, Alpha Control.

Rocket fuel unavailable. We are losing your signal. You're exiting the galaxy.

Headed for outer space.

Good luck.

No! No! Come back!

Then it's true.

We can't get back to Earth.

No crepe suzette.

No pheasant underglass.

Never mind, Dr. Smith.

We'll be okay.

And anyway, we're on an adventure now.

And that's better than crepe suzette any day.

Oh, the pain.

Dad, where are we going now?

We'll know when we get there, son.

We'll know when we get there.

From below, soft winds are blowing.

Hark how the sailors cry, joyously echoes nigh.

Santa Lucia, Santa!

You bubble -headed booby, do you realize what you've done?

I was on the point of landing on the Isle of Capri, now I'll never get there.

Sorry, Dr. Smith, but it was only a dream.

Only a dream indeed, my dear boy. Don't you know that dreams are the true

interpreters of our desires?

One more, sir, from the top.

And try not to think flat.

Negative. Due to worn conditions of memory bank, compliance impossible.

That's right, Dr. Smith.

As a matter of fact, I was just testing him to see how many of his worn -out

memory banks have to be erased.

Very well.

In that case, erase everything but facts, figures, and his capacity for

obedience. I've had enough of his sentimental nonsense anyway.

Have a heart, Dr. Smith.

It's that sentimental stuff that makes a robot one of the family.

Your family, my boy, not mine.

This adulpated armor -bearer is no kin of mine.

Correction. I know you like a big brother.

Do you indeed?

Example. Who chickens out when all hands are needed?

Example. Who sneaks food when all personnel are on short rations?

Example who?

Yuck.

Many of his memory banks do appear to be in a very sorry state indeed,

especially his memory for facts.

Go through them carefully and erase all references to me. I want no part of his

dehumanized lie dispenser.

And get rid of his sentimental twaddle at the same time.

But, Dr. Smith!

I couldn't do that to you, robot.

It would be like brainwashing my best friend.

All I wanted to do was give you a little more thinking.

a spatial body.

What?

A familiar planet?

More likely an unfamiliar asteroid.

Maybe I can get a fix on it.

Jupiter 2?

Jupiter 2?

This is your space controller.

Please prepare for entry into our atmosphere.

Your compass heading should now be 8 -5.

Repeat, 8 -5.

Please conform all instruments to requested heading.

This is Jupiter 2.

Instructions received.

But who are you and what's your astral number?

Don't ask foolish questions, my boy.

Like everyone else who's ever been lost, we have been going around in circles

and now we've returned to home base, the planet Earth.

And there it is.

I suppose you think it's Alpha Centauri?

What do you think you're doing?

Conforming our instruments to the requested heading.

120.

Warning! Warning!

Curiosity of signal indicates flight path of space vehicle is on collision

course with zone of high intensity particulate radiation.

Advise immediate evasive action.

Dr. Smith, look!