Original subtitles

Bye.

I will sign it for you.

Oh, Louis, nobody goes inside, okay?

Nobody.

Ah, Kelly.

Come in and see my etching. Can I trust you? Mm -hmm.

It's really super of you to drop by, Theo. I'm absolutely paranoid about

security. Yeah, well, I wouldn't worry about the men at the front door. Good

men. Kelly McCall, this is Detective Crocker. Hi, good luck on the show.

look at that. It's kind of fun.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah, Alex Ross lent us this, too.

You know his collections?

Oh, I know he collects big international business deals. Is he a patron of the

arts, too? He is the patron of this gallery.

My grand opening is going to have not one, not two, but... Five Rembrandts

he's lent us.

It's really such a coup for me. Hey, this whole place is a coup for you. Five

years ago, this building was what? A bankrupt secretarial school?

Right. I thought you had a vision. Hey, you did good, Kelly.

So where's this million -dollar collection?

Come on, I'll show you.

It's lovely. I wish you well.

Thank you very much. Oh, wait until you see what we have in the back.

The pièce de résistance.

Oh, everything's adjusted correctly.

Fine, ma 'am. Thank you.

Oh, great. Now, where's Lewis?

Lewis? Who's Lewis?

Lewis is the guard. I'm supposed to have a guard on duty 24 hours a day.

Well, if I haven't made that clear, I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Heading into a dead end, Crocker.

Come on out, boys.

Come on.

Come, come, come, come, come.

Assume the position.

Well, no drawings on this one.

Take him out Good

What

happened

those guys hijacked my truck on the way to work You seen him toss anything back

here when he came out of the gallery? That's the toolbox, that's all. Look,

Tavisius. It's my company.

Tavisius? You're kidding.

Like Vincent Van Gogh before the operation. Relax, you're in good hands.

Well, I'm telling you, Frank...

Kelly and I personally searched this entire area before we let anybody back

inside. And nobody's been allowed inside except our own men.

Well, I'm having the truck sent down to the garage, taken apart piece by piece.

Those clowns admit to anything?

I mean, why should they? And without the drawings, we can't prove a thing.

Except the truck.

There is a weak federal case for kidnapping.

So what are they looking at? Three years.

Frank, these are Rembrandts. We've got to find them, right?

Look, you think maybe they might have handed them to somebody as they left?

No. The guy says he watched them go straight to the truck and get in.

Oh, Mr. Ross, I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say to you.

Just tell me my Rembrandts are safe and sound.

Well, those are the thieves, aren't they?

Somehow, Mr. Ross, they managed to get rid of or conceal the drawings between

leaving the inside room and the time they were grabbed.

We've searched everybody, including the guards.

You don't have my Rembrandts.

No, sir. Mr. Ross, I'm with Senator Kojak, Manhattan South.

I was actually here in the building when this happened.

I assure you, we've taken every necessary step to make sure nothing's

removed since the theft.

Could be in one of the inside rooms, hidden someplace.

Well, maybe so that they'd come back and pick them up later.

That's happened before, right, McKee? That's right.

Sometimes objects are stolen, concealed near the site of the theft, then

recovered weeks, even months later when the heat has died down.

Who are you?

I'm chief investigator for Landmark Insurance.

We carry your policy on these works.

1 .2 million? Don't talk about money.

Talk about genius.

Talk about the history of art. The irreplaceability of those drawings.

Now, let me understand.

You do have the culprits. And you actually were here when the crime was

committed and you still can't find those drawings?

Well, I feel sure we're going to find them, Mr. Ross.

I wonder, detective.

I want you both to know I think what you've done is detestable and

However, I am a man of considerable power and influence.

I'll supply you with a fine lawyer and a seed on your behalf with the

authorities. If what, Governor? Stop beating around the bush. Get to it. If

will tell me personally where those drawings are, I promise you you will

minimum amount of difficulty.

Sorry, love. We don't want to serve no time, no way.

We! Don't believe the police can find them drawings without our help.

Do you hear that?

You want them, Rembrandt? Drop the charges.

Forget it.

He's bluffing. Couple of weeks, publicity. He'll drop down and we'll

deal.

Of course, gentlemen, if you'll get us out of here faster, we'll cooperate with

you.

Have a word.

Let them tell me where the drawings are.

I mean, they could be rotting in some sewer or something.

Do you know what's at stake here?

Yeah.

Blackmail. There's no way the DA's going to go along with it. Frankly, Mr. Ross,

I expect to find those drawings in this building before very long. I'd like to

bring in somebody to help. I'll pay for them myself.

You mean a private detective?

No, not some private detective, but the cleverest investigator in all Europe.

Valentine.

Exactly right.

If I can get him.

Well, if he wants to assign a special investigator to this case, I suppose

there's any way we can prevent it. Frank, I'm delighted.

You don't remember Dr. Valentine?

Dr. Anton Valentine?

He's a legend. Probably the leading criminologist in the world.

Well, he was until he left his police force a few years back.

That was in Milan, I think.

Yeah, years ago when I was taking courses at John Jay for my exams, he was

guest lecturer. A genius. Loved him. Well, I hear he's changed.

How's that?

50 ,000 a job. Flat minimum. And he works for anybody.

And I mean anybody.

Then when I knew the man, the one thing he cared about more than a friggin'

investigation was justice.

Well, I hear he plays both sides of the law these days.

Really? I think somebody just pulled your pedestal.

Huh? The man doesn't change that much that fast, Frank.

Can't believe it.

Hey, Doctor.

How good to see you. Doctor, this is Captain McNeil. And say hello to

Crocker. Hi, Doctor. This is Dr. Anton Valentine.

My pleasure, gentlemen.

I imagine you have a bit of a jet lag.

Not at all. Mr. Ross reached me in the Caribbean where I was completing a case.

What was happening in the Caribbean?

A small cafe of narcotics the police could not locate.

Which I'm sure in some ingenious way you've gotten back to the authorities.

Something like that. I stopped off at the gallery.

Found nothing you overlooked.

This is the truck.

Five

Rembrandt

drawings out of the frame.

Copy size?

Yes, I suppose they could have gotten past the guards, rolled up their sleeves

or something, but then they'd have to be in the truck.

Would you give me a minute just to have a little fun? Of course.

What can I tell you, Frank? The man gives great demonstration.

Ready, gentlemen.

All right, go ahead, Crocker.

Good thought.

I could not resist.

Impasse, eh?

Start me.

For the moment.

Well, in that case, we move to plan B.

Which is?

We?

As I understand it, Doc, you're saying this German had stolen some paintings

from his own collection?

Yes, sir. I was convinced of it, and the insurance company hired me to prove it.

And you got them back in a week. How?

Well, I stole two other paintings from him of greater value and ransomed them

back to him for the missing ones.

You stole two paintings?

Are you shocked, Theo?

Well, for a man, what, 30 years as a policeman, a criminologist?

That is a switch, isn't it? I do not have to play by those old rules, you

have access to a new pipeline of information.

For example, that Australian with the French name Poiret.

There's a certain gang in Paris that would love to slit his throat if they

where he was.

Now, perhaps if I promise him not to tip them off, he will come clean about the

drawings. Perhaps you can arrange a meeting for me with him at the prison

tomorrow.

Then we will move on to a Rothschild.

Is that the one on the menu for 150 bucks?

Captain, you are my guest.

I told you, Valentine, I made my peace with that French mob. You've got nothing

to offer me there.

Just get us out of here.

Perhaps in another country with the proper bribes, but not here.

Do what you did in Africa, mate. Just do that what you did in Africa, that's

all. I do not understand what you mean.

You sprung them hostages from jail for 50 ,000 pounds, right? What is your

point?

Make 200 ,000 dollars a year, you know.

Get us out of jail, and we'll show you where them drawings are, Valentine.

All right. I know. You feel that the price may be too stiff for us.

You're wrong.

Just show us how to get out of jail, Valentine.

I promise you.

You'll be rich.

You will.

Truck back in good condition, Mr. Trevisius.

You come, we'll put it back like new. How about this scratch here? It looks

a wound.

I don't want to talk about the truck anymore, okay?

I want to talk about this toolbox.

It's just possible, wherever these drawings were hidden, there might have

some sort of special tool required.

Know what I mean?

A special tool for disappearing drawings.

So look for a wand.

A wand, like a magician.

Like that.

Very funny.

Now, is there any tool in here that does not belong to your workmen? Wrench?

Wire cutters, screw divers.

Let's see, three regular, three Phillips.

Two cans of lubricating oil, one empty.

Small hammer. Here.

Look it over.

Everything here is perfectly normal.

What did my partner tell you?

The same thing, Mr. Trevisius.

Anyway, thank you.

And we'll get this back to you later. Perfect. When?

When? When we find the drawing.

And if you don't find them?

People need tools. They don't need drawings.

Forsooth, you say.

Beauty and imagination.

Rembrandt. People do need that.

That's wrong, Mr. Trevisas.

All wrong.

Kojak is a brilliant policeman, Mr. Ross. And if those drawings vanished

underneath his nose, then we have a real mystery on our hands.

Did Poirot tell you anything?

Well, he convinced me that he would say nothing about the Rembrandts.

Until he is positive that he will get out of the jail.

And get him out of jail. If anybody can, you can.

If I go through with this plan and I am caught, then I will go to jail.

You're getting $50 ,000, Valentine?

I want $200 ,000.

Impossible.

Au revoir.

Valentine, just a minute.

I want you to know I'm in the most serious of financial difficulties.

When I recover those works, I'll probably have to sell them straight off.

the cash.

Well, why don't you collect the insurance? A million, too, eh?

They won't pay, not until this puzzle is solved.

Now, I think we ought to do what those thieves want.

Get them out of that jail.

I'll pay $75 ,000.

Ah,

Rualt. My favorite.

How much is that worth, Mr. Ross?

$150 ,000 minimum. Why?

I will tell you what I will do.

You give me this, and I will spring them from the jail. Yes or no?

Yes.

Now, this is the worst thing that could happen to you, right? I mean, your

opening gets postponed.

Collectors think twice about lending you things, right? No, but the worst thing

that can happen is that they don't find the drawings.

Why?

Kelly, the chief of detectives.

He wants to know how come you're not a big fan suspect.

What?

Look, you know, I told him, you know, we're old friends. What, ten years now?

An occasional drink every now and then, whatever.

But I really don't know you that well, do I?

Oh, come on.

Look, I am 29 years old.

And because of this obsession that I have with art, I am singularly

I am constantly scrapped for cash.

I am grossly overworked.

And I love it, right?

That makes sense, huh?

No, you're right.

Yeah, I stole them.

I smuggled them out in my umbrella handle, and I'm using them as placements

my breakfast nook.

Boy, you can be dumb.

Hey, uh, Kelly.

I'm a cop. They ask me to interrogate you, I interrogate you. Look at me,

I've been up for 36 hours. Why do you... Hey, I believe you, okay?

What's new at your end? Well, I have spoken to Forret, and he will cooperate,

but he has no idea where the drawings are. You see, Nico took them into the

room while he was tying up the guard, and Nico will not say what he did with

them.

However, Nico talks in his sleep constantly, and it is driving Forret

Talks about what?

The Rembrandts?

Maybe. But Forret does not understand Dutch, so he does not know what Nico is

saying.

Nico is saying.

This is the smallest, the most sensitive, the best.

We will give it to Forret. He will record what Nico is talking in his

will translate from the Dutch and perhaps, we hope, we come up with a

Worth a chance.

What's to lose?

Excuse us a second, Valentine.

I'll tell you what's to lose. The drawings, that's what.

How do you figure that?

Let's say Valentine gets something on that tape that points the finger to the

Rembrandts. Suppose he doesn't translate it just right. Suppose he finds them

and keeps them.

You really are down on the man, aren't you? Do you know how he recovered two

missing paintings in Germany?

Yes. Stole two other ones from the owner. He admitted that. Which makes him

criminal. Well, certainly not a saint.

Frank, he's not a quiet little professor with bifocals and pipe ashes all over

his shirt. He's got a new life. He's enjoying himself.

I'll tell you what.

Let him do his number with the tape recorder, but we'll get it back on

Have our interpreter be the first to listen to it, okay?

All right, I'll tell him.

Hey, McKee, this man hasn't done a thing so far behind our backs, right? He

hasn't kept anything from us.

How do you know?

I guess I don't.

It's all set.

He's on his way to the warden's office now.

Hey, it's an object of art, my friend.

Which, incidentally, after what's happened, Mr. Ross wants shipped back to

Sure.

Mickey?

What?

Let's say we hadn't caught those two crooks.

Let's say they offered to sell the drawings back to Ross.

Would the insurance pay?

Yeah, but we'd still be trying to nab them when they handed the drawings over.

Oh, well, I'm not so sure they ever plan to touch them again.

I think Kelly here was going to do their work for them by having the sculpture

delivered back to Mr. Ross's apartment.

Not intentionally, Kelly, believe me. Well, no, I don't understand.

Can you get the sculpture made down here now?

Yeah, maybe, maybe. He lives on the island.

In there.

I'll just be a minute.

Thank you very much.

Don't be suspicious, Warren. It's a very simple device.

You're positive.

Nothing's concealed.

You have a place to hide this where Nico won't see it?

I will tape it to his body.

Thank you.

See you later. I'm walking.

You have everything?

The dye?

It's in the filter, love.

Test it in the waterway.

Come on, move.

What about the saw?

It's in the wire.

It's all in the wire, love.

One little saw.

Diamond dust. The best.

What about the basket for the closet?

In the recorder, huh?

No, they took that apart.

Did he hand it to you? No.

They were watching us too closely.

But he told you.

He had to have the key.

Don't worry, love. He's a genius.

Here, darling.

There's your bloody key.

He should have put this whole thing on film. A work of art.

Sculptor takes his mobile apart so police can look for missing Rembrandts.

Anybody call Warhol to see if he wants to shoot this?

Excuse me, could I talk to you for a minute?

Look, now I promised not to mention this, but three months ago when Ross

agreed to lend me the Rembrandts, he wanted to sell them for 700 ,000.

Really?

That's a bargain, isn't it?

Yeah, I think so.

But nobody was buying us, not much cash around.

Well, it doesn't look like there's much around for Ross either.

Well, look, I don't know, but I did promise to keep it confidential, okay?

Appreciate it.

I guess you can look in here now.

Is this part of the mobile?

I've got to stop throwing my empties away like that when I work.

Well, I'll buy you a case or two myself, Mr. Leacock. Thanks a lot for your

trouble.

Just want to check that out, Valentine, before I got sent back to your employer.

Why, you think he robbed himself?

Why don't you tell us? You sized him up, discussed your fee. How do you think he

stands financially?

You mean, do I think he needs the insurance money?

Anton, just give me a straight answer, please.

Can we discuss this alone, just the two of us? And please, can we get something

to eat?

What did he tell you in his visiting room?

We have to catch something else, a little red wire. Come here, come here.

There's the little bleeder.

Go on,

look after the lock. Here you go.

Move.

Station 12 to control.

I've got an unconscious inmate in 413.

We've got a medic here.

Roger, 12.

We'll notify infirmary.

I'm listening in so I can figure out the bloody system.

We've got it made, mate.

One thing you cannot get anywhere else in the world, a good hot dog.

So tell me, Anton, where's Mr. Ross at financially?

Dale, he is my employer.

Professional ethics.

What's professional ethics compared to works by a great master, right?

So is Ross uptight for money or not?

No.

You are on the wrong track with him.

That's it.

Now here I am sticking up for you.

feeding you straight information.

You're feeding your face with a hot dog and you sit there and you lie to me.

What brought this on? Kelly told me.

Ross is ready to sell those Rembrandts for almost any price.

He's desperate for money. And you, Professor, you're too smart a detective

to know that. Hey, I'm cutting off all cooperation with you. No more visits to

the tombs, no tape recorders, gimmicks, nothing.

Now, please, listen to me.

Seven years ago, my brother was murdered by some gang.

As a policeman, I got nowhere with the case, so I...

Left the force, sold my services to the underworld, and got the lead I needed to

his killers. Whatever I do, it is because I cannot tolerate injustice like

Rembrandts jeopardized.

That is the truth.

You got 24 miles to try your gimmick with the tape recorder.

They just got back from the lab.

There are no odd fingerprints, no secret compartments.

Nothing except an air conditioning repairman's toolbox.

And here's their inventory.

What do they mean, one can of oil?

One empty can containing traces of naphtha?

What's naphtha used for?

Well, it used to be used for a cleaning fluid. You know, like cleaning and

blocking hats. It was very inflammable. It's very hot stuff.

They use it in some racing cars instead of gas.

Now, sir, get me some.

Now, give us the Trevisas down here, will you please?

Yes, sir.

There, sister.

It's a piece of cake.

Are you almost finished, mate? Should be ready after dinner.

Great.

Just great.

Now, sir, I could smell it all day. I wouldn't know.

But if that's what you say it is, I'll take your word for it. Yeah, naphtha.

There's coffee.

Now, you tell me, Mr.

Trevisius. What about me taking your word? Taking my word for what?

Your business.

You know it isn't in the greatest shape, Mr. Trevisius. We've run a quick check

on it. So?

Whose business is?

Wait a minute.

You're checking on me?

Well, you see, I'm curious.

I mean, how come these art thieves know...

exactly where and when to take over your trunk. Exactly why is there a can

filled with meth in your toolbox?

A substance which you don't use in your business.

What the hell is this? They put it in there.

Wait a minute.

Do you think I'm in on this? You could have been paid, Mr. Trevisius, to

certain conditions, make it look like you were knocked out.

You think this is a fake wound?

You think I got paid for this?

Oh, gracious, Mr.

Trevisius. No people in need of money.

They do very strange and unexpected and reckless, reckless things.

For the last time now, did you help these thieves in any way? You must think

ate your guts for these insinuations.

No, no, no.

It's interesting.

You got good perceptions, Lieutenant.

I thought of going crooked once. I'll admit it now that the cat's out of the

bag. That's the other part of my nature.

My mother wanted a professional man for a son.

Consequently, you see before you a climate engineer.

But that's on the outside.

On the inside.

I'm a crook.

What capers I think of.

You know those rare books in the Morgan Library?

Yeah. Well, the other night I was in bed and I thought that it would be very

interesting.

It's easiest.

Why don't you go fix the thermostat?

And thanks for coming in.

You don't want to know where those drawings are.

Where's that, Mr.

Trevisius?

They never really existed. The guards that delivered them were previously

hypnotized. So was the girl that runs the gallery.

They never delivered anything.

It was the shadow who pulled it off.

You'll catch him, you'll see.

Sharon should have thought of that.

Never delivered anything.

Sure, that's how.

Frank, I got it.

Hey, look.

Oh, yes.

Handkerchief flambé.

Well? Are you under a strain, Theo? No, Captain, I'm fine.

I think I know where the paintings are.

So it won't be a total loss.

What's happening, Theo?

Just what I thought.

What's just what I thought? The sand in both of these ashtrays. Does it look the

same to you, Pink?

Theo, sand is sand.

Frank, look at the sand is sand. It's darker than the other one, right?

Kelly, can you get me a newspaper from your office?

Yeah, sure. Excuse me.

So what about it? The suspense, Frank. That's all the fun.

One push, it comes open.

Good luck.

Nico, come. Start staining your pants.

You're going to leave me in 10 minutes.

What's that from?

Ashes. There's your drawings.

Carbon. From five drawings that were doused with naphtha and burn.

Burn? Burn.

and a second locking gate, eh?

They burnt them up in a few seconds.

And he smelled getting sucked out the air conditioning.

The sand?

Any of you like this?

Huh?

Make it round a little bit.

Put it back in there.

Like that?

Top part back.

And that's about when I came through here with Kelly.

This is 212.

Unlocking gate 8.

Prisoner for the infirmary.

But why? Those drawings were priceless.

Oh, were they?

Hey, Kelly, how hard did you study them when they were delivered?

Well, I hung them, that's all.

I think Ross arranged to send you forgeries.

They burned the forgeries. Made it look like a robbery.

Well, that's a first.

Meanwhile, Ross has the real drawings hidden away somewhere.

He plans to arrange a fake buyback from the crooks. Then he just pockets the

insurance money and produces the drawings.

No risk to him at all.

I don't understand.

What were the crooks going to hand over if you, you know, decided to let them

off? Ross.

They were warning him.

If they didn't get off, they'd turn to the state.

Whereupon Ross hires Valentine.

I hate it, Frank.

What? He springs them from jail, Frank. That's the only thing he can do.

Attention.

This is 4 -3.

Prisoners escaped, spotted on North Roof. All available guards, report to

Roof.

Lieutenant, the radio's gone bananas.

Central is jammed with information about a jailbreak at the tomb.

Follow me.

Doctor, I'm doing a big thunderstorm all over your parade. You broke my heart,

and you're finished. Capisce?

Oh, I'm really trying to get at the truth.

You're after the biggest buck you can get from Ross for springing those creaks

before they blow the whistle on him. He set this whole thing up. The swindle is

insurance company.

Are you sure?

Hey, don't play dumb with me.

No, really.

I only began to suspect Ross when he was willing to pay me with a perfectly

vulgar forgery of a rual that that man will stoop to nothing.

Isn't very nice of you not to let me find out for myself what happened to

drawings after all the trouble I've gone through.

I don't believe this.

Give me your cup.

Here they come.

Let's go!

Not until I know where the drawings are.

They burnt them!

You burnt them?

Why? In case we were caught, then they wouldn't know they were forgeries. You

see, he didn't want to take the risk. He's a very clever lad. Who, Ross?

Yes. Where has he got the real drawing?

We don't know. Now let's go.

Hi.

You play Monopoly?

You proceed directly back to jail. You collect another 18 months and get the

hell out of here.

Come on. All right, you two, move it. Come on, let's go. Come on.

They burnt five forgeries.

Do you want me to have my cuffs?

Oh, uh, pardon.

We passed over the nap that they used to incinerate them.

Very good sale.

Hey, two men.

Out of your prison. Not bad, eh? Not very smart, either.

You better cuff them.

Yeah, and what's this here? Chap liver? Captain, I would not let them out of the

truck. When I got to the airport, I would have telephoned you, tell you

the truck was.

And the messenger would deliver the tapes, and I would be on my way to

Now, you would not extradite me for a little jailbreak, huh?

You got caught. We can't spring you. And Ross still has the Rembrandt stashed

away, and we can't prove it. I can, but my own way.

I must get to Ross's apartment immediately before the news breaks on

and I also must have a small transmitter so that you can hear my conversation.

After all, if you are going to jail me, a little satisfaction, huh?

I'm in.

What happened?

I had them on a freighter for Europe a half hour ago. They told me everything.

How you hired them, how they burned the forgeries.

Well, you had to find out sooner or later.

Doesn't make any difference now.

You always tell them the truth.

Shh. You're no evil baby.

Well, here is the revolt you asked for.

No.

It is a forgery.

I want one of the Rembrandts.

As a matter of fact, I insist on it, or else. You have them here? No, I don't

have them here. They are... Where are they? Please.

Betting a jailbreak.

It should keep you tied up for years, as a matter of fact.

You know, Mr.

Ross, an honest man who hires me gets an honest job.

A crook gets a crook.

Are you listening, Kojak?

What's he doing talking to me?

Dale, I cannot tell you how going to jail would drive me crazy.

I'm sorry to disappoint you.

Lieutenant, I brought the Valentine to go off five drones. All right, call down

the captain. He'll come to seal up the building. I want the whole block

surrounded. Go ahead.

All five?

Yeah, this man's crazy, Crocker.

Five, Rembrandt safe and sound, Ross on the hot seat, Lateef safe inside jail

again. How much can a policeman ask for?

All right, I want you to get everybody off the streets, all our people.

Get them up on a roof, huh?

There's some good, and I don't care how long it takes.

Up.

Up.

Up. Up.

Disappoint me.

No way, Professor.

That was over 100 feet of high -strength climbing rope.

Where did he get it?

Could have had a stash in Russell's apartment.

You mean he had himself covered in case you caught on to him?

For all I know, the man had three other plans in case that one didn't work. He

thinks I had him credited.

Kelly, did you get those things done yet?

Yeah.

What do you think, Frank?

Not bad. Not bad at all.

Now, if I go with the Van Dyke, Mike Valentine, look at that dramatic effect.

With a beard?

No way.

Are you prejudiced against skinheads?

No, but a beard is different. Why? Just had it slip down?

Hey, kid, I'm glad you're off the hook, and thanks for the doodles, okay?

Frank, look, I was only sharp enough to join the investigation.

I'd like the chance to apologize.

Sure.

Hey.

Thank you, Theo.

And if you'd ever like to go up and see my etchings...

David is looking for love and thinks he may have found the lady of his dreams in

Heartbeat at 5 to 1.

After the break, Stan and Arthur kiss goodbye to their plans in On The Buses.