Original subtitles

Thank you.

Well,

at least we ain't going to have a couple inches of rain to swim around in, huh,

teacher?

Oh, yeah.

Hey, teacher.

How come I can hear myself talk all the time and you never do, huh? Why is that?

I use the partners.

And I'm watching.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, there she is now.

This Yanni individual.

When was the last time you saw him, Miss Casas?

Last summer, in Athens.

Please, Mr. Keeler, don't worry.

We were very close. There's no way I'm going to miss him.

Maybe he slipped off.

Something like that.

Mr. Harris has a point.

Look, he's taking his time.

After three months at sea, what's another 30 minutes?

I'll go in now.

Please don't worry.

You asked me... I got one weird job for a Harvard lawyer.

Don't complain, Harris. You could have gone to Yale.

You're right, Porter. Call.

We make a stop in Turkey, Spain, and Casablanca. I don't get off the road

3.

Something's wrong.

Turn out your pockets, please.

Okay.

Hello, Yanni. Hey.

I've got some people with a car outside.

You do have it with you. Of course, just like I said I would.

Come on.

That's a signal, man. Get ready.

What's the matter? My ankle.

What's the matter?

All right, come on. Stop! Come on!

Hey, come on. Come on, will you?

Come on!

Can you see anything at all? One eye, yeah, but it's tough.

Get us out of here, and in a hurry.

I'm listening. Uh, there's a Greek freighter that just pulled in over here

tonight. Uh, slow boat to nowhere. This guy, uh, Yanni Pasolidis. Uh, that's P

-S -A, uh, he was the passenger on the SS, uh, Piranha.

That's Piraeus, Crocker. It's a port, not a fish.

Yeah, well, anyway, uh, the witnesses saw a man get hit by a car. He gets out

the car a few seconds later, bang, one shot, and the guy's out of his misery

good. And we have no decent ID on the gunman.

Means of death is one shot through the heart.

His means of livelihood may be a bit more interesting to you.

Our man's got ten bald fingers.

Acid.

Yanni Salidi.

How come the boat stops here?

Lieutenant, there was a girl who pulled up in a limousine and met him.

We have a so -so identification on her. She has black hair, dark glasses at

midnight. They said that she had a good shape.

She wears a size...

7B shoe.

And when the limo pulled away, the witness saw two letters on the license

BL, and that's all. Okay, Crocker, look.

You're Prince Charming, so you go find Cinderella with the... Well, you know

story here. Yeah, right. See how easy it all is, huh?

Lieutenant, blue car, Impala maybe. A couple of years old. I clipped him.

There was two guys, and a girl got in with him, a pretty girl.

She met him inside at the customs office.

The victim.

Okay. The girl that hops from car to car, see if you can't work out a

on her.

And those license plates be over. Come on, you know what to do. Yes, sir. I got

another interesting fact for you, Lieutenant.

Look at his eyes.

Is there bloodshot?

The eyelids are swollen.

Looks like tear gas symptoms.

Mace. Mace?

This is one hell of a Cinderella you got me looking for. The guy's perfect,

except that he's dead. Well, he's almost perfect.

His pants a couple inches too big.

Hey, Lieutenant, you spent three months on a freighter. You're going to drop ten

pounds. Hey, Crocker, you stand this guy up and he drops his pants.

No suspenders? Where's his belt? I don't know where his belt is. Maybe it's

flipped off the dresser in his stateroom. Then find it.

Find it. Find it. One can of mace, one blue Impala, one foot with suspect

attached, one belt. All right, I want you to talk to everybody that he talked

aboard that ship, okay? Three and a half months at sea with those bald little

fingers of his. Who knows? Maybe he's cooling off.

Or maybe he's just hiding out. And then I want you to call the Athens police.

And Interpol. See if they got anything on him. Any jobs he might have pulled

lately, okay? Maybe diamonds.

Diamonds? Why diamonds?

Well, what else goes into a belt that's worth a life?

Greg.

A man gets shot and killed right in front of us, I get practically blinded,

we don't go to the police?

Well, you saw nothing in any case, Harris. And on the other hand...

I saw practically nothing, really very little of myself. I think we should tell

everything to the police, especially you.

You must be furious.

We go through all that trouble, you practically get the crazy thing in your

possession. Well, we go to the police and she will never come back to us. It's

quite obvious that this young Greek, Demilo, has hot blood and a Trojan

for treasure.

That lady double -crossed you.

Here, eyedrops. Shall I put these in for you?

No, I think I'd better.

I think Miss Castus will contact me again with some outrageous new offer.

She would, wouldn't she?

Nobody pays more than I do. Nobody in the entire world.

She would know that, don't you think?

I don't understand.

Why didn't she just raise the agreed -on price to you? Why go through all that

trouble?

Because greed inspired that young woman to eliminate her partner and or her

lover, thereby doubling her profits.

What an exciting new piece of history to add to all the other legends.

And I actually saw it. Someone's working some weird angle here.

Someone else is in on the act with her.

I think you're in for a bad surprise.

Well, I don't like bad surprises, Harris.

In my business, maybe.

But in my hobby, never.

No, no. We will match every offer that is made.

And then we will give an extra 15%. But that could come to 300

,000.

So?

Look, Kalis, I paid you $5 ,000 to protect me.

That's right.

And Fine paid me another $5 ,000.

So that means something in there is worth a lot more than $10 ,000.

Hey, here.

You find it, I can't.

Nothing.

You can do this to me because I'm a woman, huh?

Is that why?

Is it?

You know, that guy Yanni was no fool.

He lied to you about hiding it in the belt.

It's still on him.

Now, come on, lady.

What is it?

I don't know.

Who is it? Fine.

What is this?

Who did that?

She did it.

Liar!

Look, Mr. Fine, they've been paid. Why don't you just ask them to leave?

We have to talk.

Yanni has cheated us.

He has.

And a grand.

Listen, I have 28 ,000 in here.

Represents all the cash I have in the world. I brought it for you two

You're kidding.

I'll take what's left of the belt to settle certain accounts.

You'll kill the girl, yes?

Yeah, okay.

What are you doing?

That's my money, isn't it?

You too, huh?

Well, if it turns up, you let me know, okay?

Right, thanks.

Lieutenant?

There's a 69 blue Impala on a hot sheet. It was stolen a couple of days ago.

Midtown. I told them to put it at the top of the list in case they pop it to

hold it so we can check it out. What about the limousine? Well, I got a

of all the black Lincolns, Caddys, Mercedes, all with licenses starting

There's 15 of them. A judge, a couple of big -time lawyers, three millionaires.

And so far, none of them said there were anyone here to talk last night.

You make the rest of the calls and then you call me. Where's Crocker?

He's trying to run down a source for mace. It's not exactly your countertop

around here.

Canterbury pump room shoes, model 2230.

200 size 7. What's that, B? Yeah.

Shipped last month. Who's on this?

Saperstein. It's a chain store.

He's running through their master receipts. Oh, the captain's looking for

We got a hot twitch from Interpol.

Description, your victim Salidas matches missing suspect Rudy Bearing.

There's a novel in that guy, and it's one cable.

Francis prints off the first time with battery acid while being held as a

suspect in Casablanca.

Tangiers. Tangiers. No known accomplice prefers the company of women. In fact,

that could be me.

Well, anyway, they're crazy for his body, dead or alive.

They want us to ship his corpse back complete with all belongings.

Who does?

The Greek police, here.

Suspect lived in Greece for a year.

Wanted for suspicion of car theft?

You mean we're giving top priority to the car thief? Come on, the Greeks had a

word for that.

Baloney.

The villain had a solid gold car in his belt. Maybe it was just a solid gold

buckle. Hey, look, make it platinum. What's it worth on the outside? A

dollars? Oh, no.

You know, maybe he stole some military secrets and the Greek government is too

embarrassed to tell us about it.

Maybe he stole the recipe to that awful Greek wine. They're afraid the world

will find out what they put in it. Well, he'd get more for it here than he could

over there.

Well, then it could have been a hamburger. Have you seen the prices next

Come on, will you, Frank? Why are we taking this seriously?

The murder I take seriously.

But this part about the belt, well... Greek steamer in the middle of the

Rain. A beautiful girl loses a red and tan shoe.

We got the Maltese Falcon in here somewhere.

I mean, maybe the guy was heading for the 5 and 10 to buy himself a belt first

thing. He could have dropped it overboard or it broke. Is that so

Yes. Why?

Because the custom inspector saw it when he turned out his pockets.

Oh, you really sandbagged me on that one.

All right.

So what does go into a belt that you want to bring into the state?

That the Athens police don't want to tell us about. That you get killed for.

Yeah.

Captain, Lieutenant, sometime this morning, the porter at the Woodsley

finds two bodies, one male, one female. Both of them shot.

Okay, get making a rally. They have the top of the charts.

Well, the female was in her stocking feet, and they found one red and tan

Mr. Fine. Good morning, Nancy.

Oh, uh, Mr.

Fine, about my commission on the San Godin. I beg your indulgence, Carter.

more day and we'll settle everything.

Well, I wouldn't ask, but I need to have some... Coffee, Mr. Fine? No, thank

you, and no interruptions, please. Not till I buzz you.

You do me a lot of favors, Lenny.

What the hell does a hostage do around here? Clean the johns? Look at this.

Yeah, Lieutenant, what do you want from me?

She a steady around here? Oh, no, no, not for years.

Not since she got up in the world.

We used to call her the Milo.

It was kind of a trade name, you know. They all got something, but the Milo was

the only one I ever knew who really lived up to the natural expectation.

She was only 16 when I knew her.

She didn't recognize me downstairs, but...

I knew her. Oh, that's nice.

What'd you call her? The Milo?

Well, most people pronounced it Milo. She pronounced it Milo.

But her real name is Elaine Castus. I see. What about the guy?

There were two of them.

Edward Teach, and that's who we got here. Okay, look, let's go down and look

some pictures, huh? Maybe down there we'll find out who knew more about the

Milo. Why don't you try Betsy Velen?

Betsy Velen? She never went to Nevada?

Look, Lieutenant, all I know is that Betsy Velen took her off the street and

gave her some class.

And took her commission.

Fifty percent.

Fifty percent.

It's a bargain compared to this, right?

Yeah.

reunited at last.

Was there ever such a pair of twins?

Harry, you're a genius for what you're about to do next.

Nancy, get me Henry Keeler.

I happen to be a night person, and I don't like getting up before 3 o 'clock,

Lieutenant. Lieutenant, Betsy, it's me, Theo. Yeah, 3 o 'clock.

Milo Castus.

One of your star attractions?

I mean, one of your races in the hall, Betsy?

Well, for a while.

You know they move on, find a man.

No, no, no man for Milo Castus.

You should have taken her to Nevada. The odds are better she's dead now.

Somebody killed her.

Nice kid like that.

What do you do, introduce her to somebody with a .38 caliber for a

Elaine was a very dear person to me at one time.

We do form our attachments, odd as it might seem to you, Lieutenant.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Nice kid like her. You know, we don't get too many walking the streets like

anymore.

You know what I'm thinking?

I'm thinking this whole town went down the tubes when Joe DiMaggio quit the

Yankees. Have you ever noticed, Lieutenant, that besides having a very

head, you have a very large nose?

Oh, how about my big baby browns?

Because when they see a fresco on a postcard from the Athens Museum, they

to turn it around because my hands go all kinds of funny.

I'm going blind.

And it says, uh, we'll see you in the fall. Love, Elaine.

Who's we, Betsy?

We? Oh, well, you know, I never knew. All I know is that, uh... Elaine came

alone a couple of months ago.

Elaine and the Athens Museum. That don't figure.

You know, who would have thunk it? You don't mind if I give the card, do you?

Thanks.

Please call back. I'm busy.

Hold it. I'm looking for Lieutenant Kojak.

So, suddenly I'm a telephone operator.

Oh, excuse me.

Yeah. I was down at Danziger's, the police supply company.

and he was checking on different brands of mace, then decided not to buy any.

So? Well, they found one missing as soon as he left. Would you believe the guy

lifted one right under their noses?

Anyhow, I have the other cans that he was looking at, and we lifted a clean

of prints.

FBI knows him as Raymond Callis.

BCI's digging out his record for us now.

Hey, Lieutenant, this guy's a gunslinger.

Okay, I'll be right back.

Betsy. Raymond Callis.

Well? Yeah, Raymond Callis. So what about him?

He comes here sometimes.

Oh, yeah? Well, I figure so she met him here.

Hey, look, you're a nice kid, all right?

The next time he comes here, you pick up that phone and call me. Right away, you

understand? This is a bad, bad, bad person.

I don't want you protecting him, okay?

on Edgar Allan Poe.

Is that actually what you just said to me?

That's right, Frank. The first master of the detective story.

The gold bug.

The Poilon letter. You remember that one?

The raven in that one? No, Frank.

This was a letter out in the open with the vital clue.

Frank, it's right there in front of you.

I read it. No, in the belt.

You ready?

A stamp.

Could be.

And why does Yanni Salidas bother to smuggle it into the States?

Because someone over here is nuts enough to pay more for it than anybody else in

the world, and he knows it.

Oh, that's a theory.

That's not what I told the Athens police. I told them I knew it was a

I told them to gather all the information they could on this Salidas'

escapades.

Theo, that is the most staggering example of conclusion jumping I've ever

of. You can't be sure it's a stamp. Wrong.

Look, on this list, 15 known limos that could have been in the area, so this is

murder.

And this Mr.

Henry Keeler told Inspector Stavros that it's none of his business where he was

last night.

So? So, Henry Keeler is listed in Who's Who in America as owning the largest

private collection of... Postage stamps. Now, if you don't see the connection,

Frank...

I suggest you brush up on your Edgar Allen poem.

Lenny Koff was in here and made a tentative ID of Raymond Avery Callas as

man who walked into the Woodsley with Teechan and Elaine Costa.

All right, you put out an alarm on Callas and Krocker called the property

recovery unit, the R -Section Squad, asked them for names of dealers they

would buy a stolen stamp for a lot of bread.

Postage stamps?

Yeah. Then I want them staked out.

What are we looking for?

Raymond Avery Callish. You got a short memory.

Anybody wants me, I'm going to be Mr. Henry W. Keeler.

I don't like anybody being rude to my men on the telephone.

Hey, babe.

I'm at the airport.

Why aren't you here?

Ray.

The police were just here. Look, they know about you.

I'm scared to leave. I'm scared they're going to follow me. How can I know?

How'd they get onto me?

I don't know.

But look, Ray, I had to tell them that you knew Elaine because they're going to

ask the other girls and they're going to find out anyway.

And look, Ray, I can't afford to get caught in a lie. Not now. Especially not

now that she's dead.

I'm standing here with two tickets in my pocket and $38 ,000 in my bag and I've

got to listen to this? There's nobody that can prove nothing.

There's nobody left but us.

$38 ,000?

What was it, Ray? What was in the belt?

Nothing. It's a long story.

I come out way ahead anyway.

Hey, look, Fine's the only guy that can put the finger on me. And to do that,

he's got to nail himself.

So? So suppose the cops get to Fine.

Look, Ray, I'm scared. They're busting this case.

Suppose they make a deal with Fine to get to you.

Oh, that's terrific. That's a real wonderful thought you got there.

Look, Ray, I run away with you.

Fine shoots off his mouth.

The cops come after us. Look, all my life, I have been one step ahead of the

cops.

I should never have done it. I should never have put you and Elaine together.

Oh, God, I should have stayed out of this.

All right.

I'll take care of it. Don't get in a sweat, huh?

I made it explicitly clear in my call that I wanted Mr. Keeler here in person.

Mr. Fine, I have handled acquisitions for my client all over the world. He

trusts me implicitly. It is not a normal acquisition.

As I understand, the stamp is not officially on the market.

It's stolen property.

It is officially in the shape of a permanent Greek diplomat. It is not

stolen, nor will it be for certain complex political reasons. Nonetheless,

must be privately owned with no public announcement.

Consequently, its value must be considerably below its market value.

No, Mr. Harris.

I put every cent of capital I have in the world into this particular deal, and

assure you I intend to make an enormous profit.

Mr. Fine, I don't even know if you really have the stamp.

You have them both.

The brother and the sister.

I thought Tanoka had the brother in Japan.

Tanoka sold to me privately last year.

Both stamps in one man's hand.

They haven't been together in more than a century.

500 ,000 the pair.

One million even.

Nonsense.

A million is way out of line.

especially since the stolen sister makes the entire deal illegal in the first

place.

Mr. Harris, when you bring Mr. Keeler here to me, I have a way of making the

deal perfectly legal.

He'll walk out of here with a possession unique in the world and one which he

can display publicly anyplace.

And he'll be delighted to pay a million for it.

So until I see him sitting in that chair over there, I see no reason for further

explanation. Now, please deliver my message.

Lieutenant Kojak.

Is he Mr.

Keeler, Manhattan South and all that?

Mr.

Keeler, there's a Lieutenant Kojak here to see you.

Hark.

Mr. Keel, I'm Lieutenant Kojak.

Oh, yes, sir. I'm just arranging a few things in response to your call.

Oh, dear, my hand shakes, though. It's difficult.

Well, let's not waste any time. I'll get right to the point.

Waste time?

How can one waste time in this field, sir?

Time is frozen here.

Frozen in tiny moments of history. Here, come round. Let me show you.

Here, look at this.

This group.

Flying, upside down, in perfect formation.

For all time.

Beautiful.

Now look at this.

This is the elbow wafer. A round stamp printed by Napoleon during his exile.

It's one of only three of its kind known to exist in the entire world.

You're kidding.

How much is that worth, Mr. Keeler? Why must everything be put in monetary

values? Look at this, sir. Please look and dream.

An emperor, Napoleon himself, designed that stamp. He sat on a high cliff over

the Mediterranean, contemplating Egypt and Moscow, planning his return to

France, remembering his lovely Josephine with this one fragile, invaluable

gesture.

But in dollars and cents, I'm still craft enough to ask for tequila.

Oh, very well.

I am told that this stamp sold in 1867 for $12 ,000.

Oh, and there were two men killed. They were brothers.

They were transporting the stamp to Philadelphia for the centennial of 1876.

Now, of course, enhanced by this legend, the stamp reappeared again in 1907. It

went then for $27 ,000.

I've recently been offered as much as $205 ,000, and yet never would I sell.

Never.

I buy, Lieutenant.

I never sell.

So, the more violent its history, the more its value.

So, murder, that's an enhancement, right?

I suppose you might call that rather a policeman's nightmare, wouldn't you say?

And what might you pay for a stamp recently stolen in Greece that just

three murders, Mr. Keeler?

One of which I think you may have witnessed the other night near Pier 50.

what stamp may that be, sir? I was hoping you'd tell me. You buy, you don't

sell. And is there anybody who pays more than you? I doubt it. And so do I. But

as far as witnessing any crime is concerned, well, I don't know anything

that at all.

Is there, uh... Is there anything else? Oh, yeah.

Um... You know, if anybody should approach you with stolen goods...

You know, a unique, valuable piece of gum paper. I would expect that you would

contact me. You know, receiving stolen goods is a crime, Mr. Keeler.

And how could you show it in respectable company anyway?

You still don't grasp this passion, sir.

This philatelmania.

Do you really think, where the elbow stamp is concerned, that I care who sees

besides myself?

Let me see.

I mean, what you're saying is that you'll spend a fortune to sit here all

and gaze at your stolen stamps, right?

And you get even more excited if you find out it has a whole trail of bloody

history behind it.

That you might even cover up a killer in order to get the stamp.

Maybe even pay to have somebody killed in order to get it.

Huh?

Candidly, yes.

I must confess I've always found most stamps much more meaningful than most

people's lives.

And yet...

Kill someone?

Myself?

Never.

Candidly, Mr. Kiel, I think your attitude, it stinks.

I'll tell you something.

If I find out you've been holding out on me, I'm going to come back here and

sneeze all over your Melba wafer.

Open sesame.

Fantastic.

Did you get the sister?

No, Mr. Keeler.

You're going to go over there now.

Talk to him yourself.

He's got both of them. Together?

The brother and the sister.

One million.

One million?

No, that's too much and too soon.

That's always the danger, Harris.

These things inevitably fall into the hands of the merchants.

Still, I suppose I must go, mustn't I?

Just to see them.

I can't stand to fight this mayonnaise mogul. There he is, sitting on his

millions, gluing the little stamps into his little books. You don't glue them in

other books.

That's one thing you definitely don't do.

Mr. Nicholas Julius?

I'd like you to meet Lieutenant Kojak. Lieutenant, nice to meet you. Mr. Julius

was rushed over here by the Greek consul about 20 minutes after your last cable

to Athens.

I gather you haven't found this stamp yet.

Well, why don't you describe it and save us a lot of confusion?

Almost four months ago, Lieutenant.

And as I've told the captain, we wish to keep this purely confidential.

A stamp was stolen from the safe of an assistant commissioner of police. In the

first place, it was misappropriated from a political prisoner.

And in the second place, it was very embarrassing, as you can imagine.

Tell them what the stamp was.

Well, it's called the sister. It's one of a pair.

There are only two in the world.

Oh, well, you know, I keep asking this crass question.

How much does it cost?

About a quarter of a million.

However, in these times of economic recession, it may be difficult to fetch.

Oh, no, not for a man like Mr. Keeler.

Again, people start eating a lot of tuna fish and mayonnaise when that steak

starts jumping over the moon.

What about this list from the art squad?

They've brought in six known dealers. High -class forgeries, stolen coins,

sort of thing. Yeah?

Maybe Killer's doing a razzle -dazzle job with one of them.

Maybe pick up a link between him and Kellett.

Yeah, I see the list.

Hmm.

Harry Fine.

All right, what about him?

I was asked by my government several months ago to check him out.

We intercepted several letters from him to the previous owner of the stamp,

asking if it was for sale.

And I was told to tell him that it wasn't for sale and to make sure that he

no idea that it had been stolen, which I don't think he did. Harry Fine

expressing an interest in a quarter -million -dollar sister, right?

Oh, thank you, Mr. Junior.

Lieutenant.

Lieutenant.

There'll be a lot of red faces in Athens if this...

It's out.

Oh, really? Well, Mr. Julius, I wouldn't care if the whole city of Athens

suffers from embarrassment.

I've had three killings in my precinct. How do you think that makes me feel?

Adio, Achilles Julius.

May I offer you a glass of wine, Mr. Keeler? Some sherry, perhaps?

I have a unique 1897 Dan Castillo. Forget the sherry, fine.

Let me see those stamps.

Mr. Harris told me you wouldn't be interested.

I said, more correctly, not for a million dollars.

Mr. Harris understands me quite well, sir.

Well, perhaps I ought to put them back.

Stop putting on this act at my expense, sir. You know perfectly well I have to

see those stamps.

Forgive me, but this is such a delicious moment for me.

You know how long I wanted to bring these two together?

Not half as long as I.

Yes, but I did it.

And without your money.

By a great stroke of luck.

By saving, dealing this for that, and waiting for just the propitious moment.

And by killing?

Me? I killed no one.

There was some intrigue. I understand certain victims.

Some intrigue? Oh, come now.

Four months ago, Miss Castus came to me. Her Greek boyfriend wanted to steal

that stamp.

They needed a $10 ,000 advance against a $100 ,000 purchase price, and I gave it

to them.

Later, when it came time to deliver, Miss Castus had changed her mind.

Now, sir, that's a lot of intrigue. Now, tell me, how did you get into this?

I see no reason to go into these details.

Well, I do.

We have no evidence. We're not trying to prove something against you. This is

history.

You don't understand that, do you? Money, not stamps.

That's what runs in your blood, isn't it?

Now, here.

When I examine those two little specimens that you have closeted in that

your desk, I want to know everything.

Every divorce, death, escapade, murder, and theft.

Absolutely everything.

Those things, sir, are the lifeblood history of a stamp.

Now, come on.

Tell me what happened.

How did you get your hands on the sister?

I think if you have any hope of a sale... Well, if you think this is so

important.

Miss Castor's heard of my interest in this particular stamp and asked for an

appraisal. I gave her one and confirmed her worst fears. A hundred thousand was

far too low a price.

Want to make a long story short? Must you?

Yes, I want to get on with this.

I agreed to pay her $200 ,000 for the stamp.

She supplied a man, I supplied another, and we took it from her ex -boyfriend.

There were subsequent counterplays, and I ended up with the stamp.

And that's all we have to go with.

These counterplays, tell me about them, please.

Will you?

Please?

I'm sorry, sir, but we're closing now. That's all right. I'm just waiting for

Mr. Fine.

Very good.

Oh, gentlemen, I'm sorry, we're closing.

Lieutenant Kojak, Manhattan South. This is Detective Crocker, and we came here

to see Mr.

Fine, if you don't mind.

Lieutenant, it's Callis!

So I took a little transportation. Big deal.

Got the gun? No.

Easy.

Let's see your driver's license.

I think, Mr. Kiddler, the time has come.

Indeed.

The brother.

You see, Harris, the tiniest line running down the border.

Beautiful.

And the sister, the one that has caused all the

mischief. Authentic, Mr. Keeler?

The continuation of the line running down the border. That's excellent,

excellent, excellent condition.

$600 ,000 must define my one and only offer for them both.

Possibly this pair of stamps is not unique enough to be worth the million I

After all, two paintings of the Mona Lisa would surely lessen the value.

Why are we discussing the Mona Lisa?

What are you doing?

Creating in a few seconds a single stamp.

Worth a four million by itself.

No!

The brother watches the sister transformed

ashes to ashes.

No!

Mr. Keeler, you have at your fingertips the single most valuable

stamp in the world.

It needs only you to protect it from a world of thoughtless businessmen.

Mr. Keeler?

Oh, he's with Mr. Keeler, Lieutenant.

He can't be disturbed. Oh, with Mr. Keeler, huh?

What's all this?

What's all this? This, this, this is a Raymond Avery Callis. He's a prime

suspect in a number of recent murders. Hey, you've got to prove that. You shut

up.

He was hired by Elaine Castor.

He's the one who bought the mace that she's used to set up Yannis down at the

dunce. He's also seen in one of your own galleries. All very coincidental, and

you, sir, never saw him before.

Never? Of course not.

How about you, Mr. Keeler? You were there. You must have seen something.

Mm -hmm.

Excuse me.

How do you figure in this?

I drove the car that night.

Let me tell the truth, Mr. Keeler.

We saw nothing. We were both blinded.

We left the theme, but that's no great crime.

May we go on with our business, Lieutenant? You seem to have reached a

No.

No, I was not blinded.

I saw perfectly well what happened. Mr. Keeler, if you want this stamp... If I

want this stamp, what?

Be silent.

I see no reason to go into the history of this stamp for someone so lacking in

the appreciation of philately.

Philately, of course.

But Mr. Keeler's already explained to me that he finds stamps more significant

than people's lives.

I hope you've had second thoughts about that, sir.

Not about the lives of insignificant people.

I have just witnessed a hard, cruel death.

Foulest, inconceivable murder.

An irreplaceable life, his beloved sister.

Lieutenant, this is Mr. Callis. I saw him kill Mr. Salides on the dock that

night. I saw him just as clearly as I see you now, sir. Hey, you're crazy.

guy's crazy. No!

If it hadn't started that way, the sister would still be alive.

It's a long, convoluted and violent story, sir.

You get me out of this fine.

You get me a lawyer.

Why him, Callis? I thought you never saw him before.

You're kidding.

He set up the whole thing.

You want him, we make a deal. You make a deal with the DA's office.

Okay, fine, let's go.

No.

Crocker.

Excuse me.

Not going to change your mind, are you, Mr. Keeler?

No more than I could replace that stamp.

Now, this other one, Lieutenant, it must be cared for most carefully.

The proper temperature and humidity.

What's going to happen to it?

Oh, well, put in a little manila envelope on a shelf in the police

department until we get this case sorted out.

Hey, look, if you want to pick out the shelf, you'd be my guest.

Uh, may I?

At ten to twelve, it's classic moments from our favourites in Carry On

But before that, Rigsby is looking dapper for his date with Miss Jones.

Rising Damp is next.