Original subtitles

Oh, hi, guys.

We help women in need.

Would you be interested?

What do you mean in need?

Uh, we help raise money for

women who've experienced debt, financial coercion,

mental health problems, abusive relationships,

- that sort of thing. - That sounds great.

Do I just fill in my details now?

Yes, absolutely.

And when do we get the money?

Oh, uh--

What about what's in there?

Can you let go, please?

Give it back.

Fucking hell.

It stinks of death in here.

Like the Grim Reaper is right behind us.

Hey, everyone, I'm sorry.

Promise you're not going to leave me with her.

She always says really traumatic stuff

to me whenever we're alone.

Yes, yes, promise.

I'm going to go in there and tell that dying old lady

how great her bastard son is.

Because if she dies soon, which I suspect she will,

we might be able to get the car back.

Josie, Billie, hello, my darlings.

Deb.

I'm sorry, I have to take this.

Hello, this is she.

Mm-hmm.

This real gold?

- Yeah. - Can I try it?

You went to Costa?

Your daddy was just here.

What?

It's still warm.

Don't you dare.

Just gonna pee.

Billie, the ring!

Excuse me, have you seen my Daddy?

Have you seen mine?

So, have you made any friends?

They're beating me in here.

They take me out at night and beat me.

There's no way out. I've got terminal cancer.

I tell you, Josie,

I am so afraid to die.

I've done everything right.

I did everything everyone wanted me to,

and I'm still gonna die.

Everything in my life has been a waste.

Do you have any idea what that feels like?

Now, this is living--

Co-op two for one pizza, mini bag of twirls.

Nice.

Hope we do this for the rest of our lives.

Everything in my life has been a waste.

A powerful V8 engine.

You're upset about your nan.

You can talk to me, you know.

I am your boyfriend.

OK.

Well, she's gonna die.

She seems so scared.

She's worried her life's been insignificant.

I don't think I was very helpful.

Well, I'm sure whatever you wanted to say to her,

she already knows.

Thanks.

It's quite comforting, actually.

You're welcome.

Here in the heart of the estate,

a sanctuary for--

Oh, how was your nan?

She'll be fine. Fuss over nothing.

Uh, she's got terminal cancer.

It's fine.

But we might have to see him.

- Who? - Dad.

We can't keep burying our problems.

Darling, Dad's dead, remember?

Oh, God.

She's not very good at processing death.

I do think it's worth sending her to therapy.

Otherwise, these things have a habit of getting to you.

She doesn't need therapy.

She just needs a stable male figure in her life.

Hmm.

But without professional help, grief can eat you up inside.

It can do strange things, even to the best of us.

There's plenty of alternatives to therapy.

Oh, yes. What did you have in mind?

Right. We're going fucking clubbing.

Why do you reckon we get dressed up in times of crisis?

Why did the string quartet keep playing

when the "Titanic" went down?

'Cause Nicky might be there.

- What time's the bus? - You're not coming, Seb.

Go home.

I am home.

Why wouldn't you take Seb?

We're going out to get away from him.

I don't know why he's still here.

Well, he's got just as much of a right

to be here as you do.

In fact, a lot of this could be fixed by him being here more,

which is why he's moved in.

Has he?

I thought you'd noticed.

It's for your own good.

Why didn't you tell me?

I've been easing you in.

It's boiling frog theory.

You don't just chuck it into boiling water.

It will jump straight out again.

You have to heat it up slowly so it doesn't know it's dying.

He is the solution to your mental health problems.

He's also paying our water bill.

Well, he's not coming clubbing.

All right, all right.

Then hurry the fuck up and get out.

I need you out of the house so I can try and convince Dev

that you're fine.

Is he worried?

He thinks you should both be going to therapy.

- Really? - Yeah, waste of time.

Therapy's for celebrities.

Get your fucking acts together,

or don't bother coming back at all.

I mean it!

Have a lovely evening, girls.

Oh,

oh, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo.

And if you need anything at all, you just let me know.

He hugged us. Is he trying to be our dad?

I think he's trying to fuck us.

It's really hard to tell the difference.

It's not, Josie. Of course he wants to fuck us.

The problem is, is I can't work out whether I'm into it.

Mm.

Your nipples have gone hard.

Case closed.

You better not go home at 8:00 p.m.

- like last time. - I can't go home.

My boyfriend's moved in.

Good.

Tonight, we're going fucking feral.

♪ I don't remember ♪

♪ I remember you ♪

♪ I remember ♪

♪ I remember you ♪

Still blocked.

It might be an issue with his contract.

I've called EE just to check.

Do you want a drink?

Yeah, can I get a Roman Coke?

What?

A Roman Coke.

Do you mean rum and Coke?

Don't think so.

Shit!

- That's Bianca. - Who?

Bianca, the homewrecker with the horrible eyebrows.

Oh, Nicky's Bianca.

The one you bleached your hair to look like.

Um, she copied me, actually.

Shit, let's go.

OK, what's the plan?

All right, I'm thinking.

I'm thinking.

Where did you get that baggy from?

Nicky.

It's all I have left of him.

- No, but like, where just now? - Oh, my bum.

Have you got anything we can roll up?

Um...

OK.

How'd you feel?

Yeah, I feel OK, actually.

Wow.

You must be really sad.

Maybe hold on to that.

OK.

Really think we should get therapy.

Nah, therapy's a scam.

You don't need to pay someone 70 quid

to tell you your childhood was shit.

I can do that for you.

I could go back on the NHS waiting list,

but the wait time is, like, two years.

Wow, with a wait time like that,

the service must be really good.

Hold on, I'm coming up.

I'm coming up.

I'm gonna shit myself.

Look at me, Josie. Look at me.

Not here.

Hold it in.

Brace yourself. We're going over to her.

But what are we actually gonna do?

Oh, it's simple.

I'm gonna kill her. There can only be one.

Come on, I've got that rage that mothers get

when they lift cars off babies.

Bianca.

Billie.

Should we take this outside?

To the smoking area, I mean.

OK. Meet you there in a sec.

If I die, box my tits up and send them to Nicky's, yeah?

But remember to send them to his parents

because he's living with them right now,

but obviously, we're saving up for Billie Bar in Manchester.

OK, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I die...

Fucking hell, I've done nothing,

I've got nothing!

I think I should do this alone.

You look a bit overstimulized.

OK, but what should I do?

I can't go home. Seb's moved in.

Josie, you need to stop letting people

who don't understand you decide what's best for you.

There's only one person who knows what's best for you,

and who you are.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And I know exactly who that is.

- Josie. - I figured it out.

- What? - I figured out who I am.

Oh, yeah? And who are you?

Whoever you want me to be.

He's not here, if that's what you're wondering.

- I already checked. - Oh.

Ugh, and don't even dare ask me to break up with him,

because it's not gonna happen.

We're endgame.

You'll never love him as much as I do.

Why isn't he here then?

Uh, 'cause I'm too fit for him.

- He said I can't be tamed. - Well, he said things to me

that he'd never say to anyone else.

Really?

Did he tell you you had a perfect pussy?

Oh.

Has he changed his phone contract, do you know?

Uh, no.

No, same number.

Heard from him yesterday.

Uh, we're not over.

We're just...

taking a little break while he works on some of his stuff.

You can tell me.

Just--he's got a lot going on at the moment,

and he said he would let me know when he's ready to talk.

It's OK, baby, it's OK.

Let it out.

I like your hair.

It's my natural color.

Their remarkable cliffside nests,

which provide safety from predators.

I do just think--

Bloody hell, it's like you're in a pyramid scheme.

There's nobody more fucked up than therapists, Dev.

What kind of sick freak decides to cash in

on someone's misfortune?

What are they doing in those little rooms

asking questions like that?

Nosy bastards.

Ensuring the survival

of the next generation.

Shall we go and see what Seb's up to?

Yeah.

She can't be having a good time without me.

She'll be overstimulated.

She can barely handle five minutes in Lush.

Why wouldn't she want me there?

Do you think she could be kissing a girl?

Right. Where's the rest of your stuff?

There, that's it.

What? This is everything you own?

Yeah.

Well, your underwear's already in here.

No, that's all Josie's.

I just actually don't think I'd like it if she kisses girls.

If she does it in a room and I'm not there,

it doesn't really feel like it's for me.

It feels more like cheating.

Deb, uh, why don't you leave me

to speak with Seb mano a mano?

All right, I'll leave you to it.

But I think we all just need to trust her.

I'll go and crack this open.

I'm sure there's lots of lovely things about Seb in here

that will make him feel better.

Thanks for letting me talk about this.

Just, I guess I'm just a bit worried

about what Josie could be doing.

But people don't cheat in real life, do they?

That's just something that happens on Strictly.

I need to tell you something.

I cheated on Deb last night.

Oh, dear.

Last night when I got in, I had a large glass of Merlot.

I got a little reflective.

Before I knew it, I was watching

me and Lisa's first dance at our wedding.

I was completely overcome with emotion.

But then I looked down and I realized

I'd started masturbating.

I'm just-- I'm not sure enjoying

a memory of your late wife counts as cheating.

Oh, I think it does.

Do you think Josie's cheating on me?

No, no.

No, I'm sure she's not. She loves you.

You are fulfilling all her needs, aren't you?

We don't have, uh, much sex, to be honest.

Well, how often are you having sex?

Well, don't get me wrong.

We do other stuff.

OK? So much stuff.

Loads of stuff.

Right.

Like for starters, I get a hand job

on Mondays and Wednesdays.

Well, that's good news.

All right, Dev, I'm a virgin.

OK?

Sex makes me a bit nervous.

Of course, I can't tell Josie that though.

I'm a man.

Absolutely.

We show these women no fear.

Not Deb, not Josie, not Deb.

You said Deb twice.

Right. What we drinking?

Maybe we shouldn't have any more.

I can't really see.

What is in those Roman Cokes?

Well, what do you want to do then?

I don't know.

I feel like we need to be, like,

cleansed or something, together.

What, like, wash Nicky off our bodies?

Oh, OK, yeah, why not?

Do you want me to, like, wash you or something?

Yeah.

Fuck Nicky. I don't need him.

Yeah, exactly. We have each other.

You know who I am.

You're the only person in the world who understands me,

- 'cause of all your trauma. - Yeah.

You understand me 'cause of what happened

with your mum and your dad being toxic.

Nobody knows pain like we do.

I saw my nan this morning.

She's gonna die. It's only a matter of days.

Oh, keep fucking talking.

I do feel quite cleansed.

Yeah. Nicky who?

You look like me.

You look like me.

I can't believe this is happening.

I'm almost not dissociating.

What do you, um, want to do to me?

Um, smell your hair,

move to Hebden Bridge and get a three-legged rescue cat

called Edgar.

Sorry, darling, just popping in for my book.

You're right, Sid, it's gripping.

Dad, please!

So insensitive.

I'm off to bed then.

Have a lovely night, girls.

If you need anything at all, you just let me know, OK?

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Oh, I know, so annoying.

Annoying?

It's disgusting. Your dad wants to fuck you.

- What? - He was all over you.

A hug?

Yeah, and a kiss.

Oh, that's fucked up. I've got to go.

What? It's just my dad.

He's just being affectionate.

Uh, I think I could tell the difference, Sid.

Fucking hell.

Josie thinking she's a lesbian

is a bit of a spanner in the works.

I read online that sexuality is a spectrum.

I just assumed wherever she was on that spectrum

included me watching.

Right, Seb, you're gonna be a bit shocked about this,

but there's not a single mention

of your name in this diary.

Not even on her birthday?

There's my name.

Phew.

Oh, oh, there we go.

Lovely. See?

We just have to trust each other.

I masturbated to my old wedding footage last night.

I couldn't help it. It was an accident.

I'm so sorry.

Deb, please say something.

I promise it won't ever happen again.

Look, every relationship has its problems.

What the women in this family need

is stable men that prove

they're going to stick around forever.

No more of this therapy nonsense.

It is commitment that we need.

How can I be more committed?

I've already moved in, and that wasn't enough.

She's insatiable.

Josie doesn't know what she wants,

so you have to tell her--

almost force her into making decisions.

She's like a deer in headlights.

But deep down, I think she wants the car to hit her.

"M made me feel like shit again today.

"I want to run away.

"Sometimes I think she'd rather me be dead.

She's a bully."

Wow.

I know.

Who is M?

♪ You are, and that's fine ♪

I still don't really understand

how us kissing is revenge if Nicky's not here to see us.

Trust me, he's devastated.

He'll know.

Can I ask you a question?

Is it to kiss again?

No.

Did he ever, like,

borrow money off you and just not pay you back?

Yes.

And did he ever ask you to come over,

but really, he just wanted to play

Far Cry 5 while you cleaned his room?

- No. - No.

Me neither.

We should get revenge.

- By kissing again? - No, worse.

We should tell his parents.

That's such a good idea!

Like, go around to his house or something?

- Yeah, let's do it. - One more kiss first though.

I still can't believe he said we both have perfect pussies.

You do, though.

He was all over her.

Fucking disgusting.

One person in the world who I thought understood me.

And I can't go home 'cause mom's moved Seb in.

I've wasted my life too.

I really feel like I've got nothing left.

Wow, I feel loads better, actually.

I just needed someone to talk to.

Also, while I'm here, your son isn't very nice.

Sorry.

Oh, sorry, you shouldn't be in here.

I don't think you should see her like this.

What do you mean?

Uh, she died about an hour ago.

We're just waiting for the coroner.

Fucking hell!

She looks very peaceful, if that helps.

It doesn't, actually.

Sorry.

This is actually so feminist of us.

I'm feeling so feminist right now.

I can't tell you how feminist we're being.

I can't wait to go in there and tell his parents

how much of a dickhead their son is.

How should we do this?

OK, I'll go in and talk to them first,

then I'll give you the signal to come in.

But I think it should come from me.

OK, I'll be here.

All right, I'll be right back.

Wait. Can I just tell you?

I think you're the best friend I've ever had.

I love you. Thank you.

Perfect Pussy Club?

Perfect Pussy Club.

Hello, you're through to the crisis line.

I'm feeling really bad.

Oh, no. Have you tried your coping mechanisms?

I don't think having a cup of tea and a bath

is gonna stop this one.

Right.

What about a cup of tea in the bath?

Oh, yeah, OK, thanks. I feel loads better.

- Really? - No, obviously not.

Try deep breathing.

I want to prove to you that I can be here for you forever.

I'm in this for the long haul, Josie, till the end.

- I'm willing to put the work in. - Hello?

You can't accept love, real love, undying love.

But I'm here, and I'm unconditional.

Are you still there?

So...

Josie...

will you marry me?

Are you having suicidal thoughts?

Yes.

Yeah? Yes?

- Right. - Uh...

Stay on the line.

I'm just gonna go and grab a colleague.

- Come on, then. - Guilty!

Yes, of course, yes. She said yes.

- Really? - You heard her.

Look at her. She's in shock.

OK, Seb.

OK.

- Oh, she likes that. - Ooh.

Whew!

I just wish I had a ring.

I've got one.

There we go.

Everybody's happy.

Job's a good 'un.

70 quid for therapy.

- I just did that for free. - Hm.

I just wish Billie was here to see this.

And her father too.

And Nan.

She's dead, by the way.

Been a while, miss.

Yeah, just wait a minute.

She's coming.

Trust me, she's the best friend I've ever had.

She's coming.

Hello.

Josie, I'm really proud of you.

And I want you to know that you have my blessing to marry Seb.

Aren't you supposed to give Seb your blessing?

Uh, no, doesn't feel right.

You know, Josie, death is just another stage of life.

Your nan's with your dad.

Now, I don't know much about that situation,

but it sounds like a rather lovely place to be.

If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you.

Thank you.

Deb?

Deb!

And then my mum came upstairs and now I'm here,

which makes me think maybe

I can't actually tell the difference.

Do you think this is about my dad?

Well, that's the hour up.

It's good to get the background information down

before we get started.

- What? That's it? - Yeah.

I mean, you know, it's our first session.

We were never gonna cover everything.

Well, did it work?

Uh, not sure.

Probably need a few more sessions to find out.

Seems a bit excessive.

Just remember what they said to you in that one.

- It's not hard. - But they have to--

Waste of time.