Original subtitles

I can't believe you're here

in front of me.

If it wasn't for your mum, I wouldn't even know

you were back.

Yeah, she's very considerate.

Not expecting things to go back

to how they were right away.

Um, yeah, I think I just need some time alone

to sort of work out what makes me happy.

- But I know-- - I know what makes you happy.

Me.

This is all about your dad.

Don't let your lack of trust in men

- damage what we have. - Yeah but I--

You can't get rid of me that easily.

S-sorry.

I'm prepared to put the work in around the clock,

day in, day out, by your side.

I'm not leaving you.

So don't try and push me away.

Silly.

You're right.

I'm being stupid. Sorry.

Sorry.

I love you.

I love you too.

Hi, I need to ask for Angela.

You all right?

Angela, I'm asking for Angela.

- Out. - Why?

I have a-- my girlfriend's in there.

My girlfriend's inside.

Right, well, I'll be heading off.

So soon?

At least wait until you've seen the girls.

Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

Where are they?

Billie's upstairs, and Josie's getting back

together with her boyfriend.

Oh, well, that's nice.

Does he make her happy?

She doesn't know what makes her happy.

Luckily, I do.

- She's been playing with fire. - How do you mean?

Well, the thing about Josie is that

she's been experimenting with some ideas lately.

Oh, yes. Like what?

Oh, you know, things like who she is, what she wants,

her feelings.

But that sounds good.

No, Dev.

No, it's not.

Is he gone?

Security finally got him out.

He was really crying, actually. He looked awful.

Yeah. Little prick.

He was so manipulative.

My dad's the exact same, toxic.

Really?

My dad went out for tea bags ten years ago

and never came back.

Wow. I'm sorry.

It's okay.

It's made me who I am, unfortunately.

I'm Sid.

I struggle in relationships

'cause I've never had a reliable model

for romantic love before.

I'm Josie.

I'd like to be called Jo, but Mum's trying

to put a stop to that because she thinks

it's a slippery slope to updating my pronouns.

Least you have a mum.

Mine's dead.

Watched her die.

Slow and painful.

She was a bag of bones by the end.

Wow.

Yeah, the whole thing was very--

Traumatic.

It was terrible.

Are we gonna kiss?

Maybe.

Okay, be right back.

Talk to me.

What you want me to say?

Tell me you love me.

What, like role-play? Yeah.

Um, yeah.

What's our wedding like?

Okay, so you're in a dress.

Yeah, and is everyone looking at me?

Yeah, your whole family.

Okay, everyone but Josie.

Just your mum then.

I love you.

I love you too.

We're still doing role-play, yeah?

Where do you think Nicky goes

when he runs off into the night?

Dunno.

Probably somewhere really mysterious.

Yeah.

Like big Tesco.

I met the love of my life tonight.

Her name is Sid.

I finally have a reason to continue to live.

What should I do? Probably just leave it, right?

Did you break up with Seb?

I tried to, but he just kept promising

he's never gonna leave me.

That's my fucking dream.

I'm gonna marry that man.

Mrs. Billie Nicky.

That's his first name.

Oh, yeah.

Have you had your period yet?

Fucking hell, you're obsessed with my period.

It's like Dad.

It'll come back when it's ready.

Please.

Girls, come downstairs. Dev is waiting.

In a second.

If you're tinkering with the scales

before the weekly weigh in, I'll know.

I won't have any eating disorders in this house.

- Come on. Come on. - Nothing's coming.

- Push harder. - I'm trying.

It's my noonie. She's so scared.

Girls!

I'm panicking. I'm panicking.

I need you to help me. I can't do it on my own.

What you want me to do?

- I need you to hold it. - What?

Hold it for me so I can concentrate on weeing.

I can't do both.

You can't hold the stick and wee?

It's too much to think about. Quickly, Jose.

Quickly, it's nearly there.

Okay, done.

Did I get it on the stick?

I think so, yeah.

Oh, shit. We have to do it again.

What? Why?

Because that's mostly cum.

Oh.

Wine on a Thursday, how decadent.

Only a dribble-- she's a greedy little pig,

and she'll never finish it.

It's okay, I'm not supposed to drink on my antidepressants.

And it's yucky.

Right, um, Deb, I was wondering.

Um, I've got this dinner tomorrow night.

It's my boss Mark and his wife Jen.

It's recently just been the three of us,

but would you fancy coming along?

I would like nothing more in the world.

Oh, good.

Everyone's bringing something.

Why don't you just bring a nice bottle of champagne?

Cheers, everyone.

Oh, thank God for that.

For a second, I was like, what are we gonna do?

I know, right? Just a lovely big plus.

The plus means you're pregnant.

Uh, no, the plus means no baby.

Like, big plus, you're not having a baby.

Some people want to have them.

Oh, shit.

- That's fucked up. - I know.

Um, Billie, that's, uh-- you're supposed--

The sink was right there.

Sorry. Baby brain.

Okay, so what's the plan? What are we gonna do?

I don't know. See what happens?

Billie, you can't just keep it a secret

and wait for it to pass. This isn't HPV.

You're pregnant. Are you gonna keep it?

I don't know. It's up to him, isn't it?

My body, his choice.

I mean, how hard could it be? Mum did it.

Yeah, but I thought that's why we agreed

the bloodline should stop with us.

What are you two whispering about in here?

We're talking about boys. Nicky said he loved me tonight.

Yeah, but if you're having sex, it doesn't count.

And Josie's back with Seb. Look at us.

Spinsters no more.

Sometimes you don't realize that you sat

right next to your Prince Charming

because he's on his iPad.

Look at me and Dev.

That TV's been on pause for ten minutes,

not said one word to each other.

Pleasant.

I think you're supposed to talk to each other.

I like that he's quiet. Stoic.

What goes on behind his eyes is none of my business.

We are completely comfortable with each other.

Doesn't that mean you have nothing in common?

That's not my problem.

Then why do you keep asking us to come in then?

That better not be going in the sink.

That's £1.67 in that glass.

If you pour it, you finish it.

- I'm not supposed to-- - Drink it.

Good girl.

Should I go back to the bar and tell Sid

I'll kill myself unless she goes out with me?

I think we need to be less intense.

We're chill, casual girlies.

Cool. Yeah. Chill.

So when are you gonna tell Nicky

you're casually having his baby?

Yeah, see this is the thing.

I just think being pregnant feels a bit desperate.

- What do you mean? - He's flighty.

He's mysterious. That's what he likes about me.

I'm also an enigma.

I just think being pregnant with his baby

feels like I might be a bit too available.

You make a strong point.

Yeah, so new tactic.

I'm gonna be as unavailable as possible.

Get him jealous.

Or you can tell him the truth.

Uh, hello, psych ward.

My sister needs to be readmitted.

She's lost the fucking plot.

Listen to me. I don't wanna scare him off.

- What, like right now? - Uh, no, with a baby.

Are you sure you shouldn't just tell him?

No. This is loads better.

Trust me. It's mother's intuition.

Move.

Hang-up from the Samaritans.

You're giving me a fucking hickey.

Why?

Because I've been texting Nicky all day

telling him not to contact me because I'm unavailable,

and he's not texted me fucking once.

So I've got a new plan.

I'm gonna show up to the club tonight with a hickey

like I've been hooking up with someone.

- Off you go then. - Can't someone else do it?

Who? We don't know anyone.

Stuff like this is why I wish we had female friends.

Nah, no such thing.

All right, if I do this, will you come to Sid's bar with me?

- I'm afraid to go in. - Yes. Yes, fine.

For God's sake, Josie, it's pathetic being

this obsessed with someone.

Now, hurry up and suck my neck.

Yeah, that'll do, thanks. That'll flare up really nice.

- Why are you so sweaty? - Um, it's called the glow.

You wouldn't understand 'cause you're not a mother,

you long, ratty freak.

At what point do you think the maternal instinct kicks in?

I don't know.

I'm still hoping it might happen for Mum.

Do I look feminine?

You look great. Do I look nice?

You look like the before picture in a makeover show.

Can you give us a lift?

Sure. I'll just get my keys.

Shall I ask the butler to turn the linen down

later, too, Your Majesty?

Rinse the shit off your chamber pot?

- No, thank you. - Right.

I'm just about ready.

Dev and I are going to have a conversation tonight.

Bond.

Oh, Mum, that's the divorce champagne.

You can't take that.

I promised to open it when the debt

your narcissistic prick of a father left us in

was paid off.

I don't think I can make that day happen by myself.

We need Dev.

That man is our Willy Wonka ticket out of fucking hell.

Trust me, it will be worth it.

Go, Mum.

Go to Willy Wonka and get us that massive house.

Buona sera.

Allow me, Madame.

Oh, lovely.

Yes, you can put that with Mark and Jen's.

Come on, meet the gang.

What, that one over there?

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm so scared.

I'm surprised. She's beautiful.

It's almost like she's a different species to you.

I'm not homophobic, but the two of you

- together feels unnatural. - I know.

She's so beautiful, I feel like apologizing for her

having to look directly at me.

What if we lean in to kiss and I accidentally

suck out her soul?

Agreed.

If I was you, I'd probably give up now.

Maybe she'll spot me across the room

and realize I'm the fucked-up love of her life.

I don't think so.

Sometimes me and Mum forget you're even there

when you're standing right next to us.

Oh, my God, he's replied.

Nicky is inviting me to the club.

He wants to be with me.

He's wanted to be with me all along.

I knew it. Yes! He does love me.

Right. I've got to go.

My man needs me.

You've just given me a fucking hickey, you bitch.

Fuck's sake, how do you get a hickey off?

Okay, Mark, Jen, this is Deb.

Right, well, I'll just go and check on my shakshuka.

Honestly, Dev has been truly incredible,

given the circumstances.

Yes, the whole thing has been terrible.

I thought he'd never move on.

What do you mean?

Well, he just really struggles

to connect with people.

Yes, I used to get worried

'cause he's always on his iPad.

And I thought he might be looking at porn,

but I had a look.

It's almost always something from Grange Hill.

Uh, yeah, well, sort of.

I just mean since his wife's passing,

he's not been the same.

Yes, obviously.

She was gorgeous, a natural beauty.

We'll never be able to understand

what he's gone through.

I keep telling him to join a support group.

Yes, but it's mostly women who've lost their partners.

You know, I suspect they use it mainly as a dating service.

I can't imagine what losing your partner must be like.

Absolutely.

I think it looks fine.

Yeah, this is better, actually.

I'm gonna say I've been in an accident.

It's whiplash.

Was in a really fit boy's BMW,

and emergency-stopped, trying to kiss me,

yeah, and I said, "Uh, no thanks.

"I'm with Nicky. I'm loyal to my man,"

but the seat belt really jabbed into my neck.

All right, I'm off. See ya.

Wait, what am I supposed to do?

Josie, she likes you because of your trauma.

It's your superpower. You've got this.

I'm very nervous.

You're a complete waste of space.

Mum wishes she'd never had you.

Dad liked me more than you because we bonded

over how much we dislike you.

None of us like you.

If you don't lock that girl down,

you're gonna spend the rest of your life in bed,

holding hands with Seb, staring down the barrel of forever

waiting for death to come so you can have

another go in the next life.

You're gonna be an incredible mother.

Sid, Sid, I forgot to tell you the best bit.

I got sectioned. I got sectioned.

- Sorry? - I'm completely unhinged.

I've tried to kill myself twice.

I just gave my pregnant sister a hickey.

Josie, I, um, I wanted

to speak to you about this, actually.

I had therapy yesterday.

- We talked about you. - Really?

Yeah, um, she said it's a bit unhealthy

for us to bond over our trauma so soon.

I mean, I don't really know you.

But that doesn't sound right.

What else are you supposed to talk about?

Well, what else are you into?

You must have other stuff going on.

What do you mean?

You're more than all your trauma, aren't you?

You've got to be.

Yeah, obviously.

Surely you have other stuff going on--

you know, friends, hobbies, ambitions?

Sorry, this is a little bit overwhelming.

Or we can kiss.

I don't know. I don't kiss strangers.

I think you need to work out who you are first.

Who are you?

Who are you really, Josie?

I'll be right back.

You know, I must say I'm very impressed with the way

you've handled this year, Dev.

Oh, Deb and I haven't actually spoken about it.

It's all right.

I know.

- You know? - Yes.

And I think you're being very brave.

Oh, I miss her.

What a girl--outdoorsy, wholesome, fantastic cook.

Hard to ever replace her.

It's the kind of connection it takes years to create.

I really do think that support group would be good.

I know it's mostly women, but--

My husband died too.

Did he?

I did not know that.

I thought you were separated.

Oh, yes, by death.

It was a tragic accident.

Well, what happened, if you don't mind talking about it?

Well, I do find it a bit hard to talk about, but...

He was a wonderful man-- kind, generous.

Then one day he was leaving the house

to take Josie to a dance school audition.

I couldn't go because I was busy,

reading to children with dodgy eyesight.

Anyway, he was rushing his dinner because he was running

a bit late, ended up choking on a chicken goujon

on his way out.

That is terrible.

Yeah. Awful.

It's a very gruesome death.

Soiled himself in the accident.

Paramedics say it's the most embarrassing thing

they've ever walked in on.

I blame myself a bit,

but mostly I blame Josie because it was her fault.

It still hurts to think about, so please,

don't ask any more questions.

What is it? Are you dying?

Mum, can you pick me up, please?

I'm having big feelings.

Well, can you squash them down

'cause I'm a bit busy.

Okay, just quickly, do you know who I am?

Fuck, yes.

Thank God for that. Who am I?

Hello?

Mum?

Hang on.

To Spencer.

May he rest in peace.

- You Billie? - Yeah.

- Nicky wants you. - Does he needs me?

I knew it.

Excuse me, everyone.

My man needs me.

You took your fucking time.

I've been in a whiplash. There was an emergency kiss.

Shut up.

Nicky here is saying that this is yours.

- Uh... - Exactly. Yes, like I said.

So I was in the club minding my own business,

and then my girlfriend pulled out this baggie,

which I had no idea about.

She asked me to look after it while she goes to the toilet.

It's fucking-- it's nothing to do with me.

Is this yours, miss?

Girlfriend?

That's right.

I'm his girlfriend.

You can do this.

You are a strong, confident woman.

A strong, confident woman

who doesn't know what she wants and is afraid to get it.

Sorry everyone.

Just me and my boyfriend coming through.

Right, back to mine?

Nah, mate.

You got kicked out, not me.

I'll text you later, all right?

Nicky called me his girlfriend tonight.

Wow, that's amazing.

I know.

Please don't have his baby.

Yeah, I'm probably not going to.

I don't know what it is, but something is telling me

he might be a bit unreliable.

He'd be a terrible dad, like Dad.

Dad might still come back.

He only went out for tea bags.

Why does everyone keep talking about him like he's dead?

Please don't bring their dead father up to the girls.

His passing has been traumatic,

and they still haven't moved past the denial stage.

Of course.

Girls, I just wanted to say I think you're both so brave,

and you've been through a lot.

Yeah, I know. Thank you.

Finally, someone's saying it.

I had no idea about your father.

All I can do is offer you my condolences.

What?

Girls, can we have a little, quick,

fun family private chitchat?

I've told Dev your father's dead.

It's your fault, Josie.

But he's not dead. He only left for tea bags.

Yeah, but ten years ago.

They do move stuff around in that shop a lot, though.

I told Dev that he died on the way

to Josie's audition for dance school.

Okay, great, so I killed him.

Sorry, it felt right.

That's the plot of Save the Last Dance.

I know, I'm sorry. It was on Sky last night

after you went to bed.

Luckily, Dev wasn't watching 'cause he was on his iPad.

He's not dead. He's not.

Billie, I'm sorry for saying that your father's dead,

but trust me, when you're a mother, you'll understand.

Can I talk to you about something?

Why? Are you pregnant?

- No. - Okay, good.

I dread the day we have that conversation.

I never see any condoms in your bin,

and Lord knows we all hear you having sex.

Remember, pregnancy is game over.

Getting pregnant with Josie was the worst mistake

of my life and not just because it was with Josie.

Should I go?

Sorry, I didn't realize you were still here.

Apparently, I tried to kick her away like giraffes at the zoo

when they can tell there's something wrong

with their baby, but the nurses

just handed her back and told me she was fine.

How wrong they were.

Having Josie meant that I was stuck

with your father for 18 years.

Really?

Imagine being stuck with the same man,

trapped, unable to leave for 18 years.

Locked down.

Wow.

That sounds terrible.

Fuck yes. We're going to call him Nicky.

What if it's a girl?

Nicky.

This isn't as fun for me if you're crying.

Sorry, hormones.

I just wasn't expecting you to react like this.

Wait.

This isn't role-play?

Do you know who I am?

You're Josie.

You're my girlfriend,

and that's enough.

Yeah. Okay.

That is enough.

I'm sorry, I've been silly.

That's okay.

I've got you now.

You never have to have big feelings ever again.

Thank you.

I used to think love was about electricity and passion,

but that's not real.

Love is feeling safe.

With you, my heart is quiet.

Like, numb.

It feels really nice.

You make me feel numb.

Seb, please, my dad just died.