Original subtitles

Well, can you check it?

"Hello, Deb.

"Just in the toilets thinking about you.

- Love, Dev." - Oh, he's sweet.

Worth the effort from all of us, yes?

You said you have to keep your eyes shut

- when you have sex with him. - Yeah, I do.

But he's got a massive house.

Massive.

Massive.

♪ Sound of the underground ♪

♪ The beat of the drum goes 'round and 'round ♪

Sorry, I really can't handle sad music right now.

- It's Girls Aloud. - Yeah, exactly.

Oh, God, you're not gonna have another one

of your bloody episodes, are you?

I think it's already started.

Well, this time, can you try and not drag

everyone into your vortex of misery, please?

Just get in the back, Josie.

Late.

- Good day? - Drive.

I'm just gonna let these kids go past.

Kill them.

What the fuck?

Is that Nicky? Who is he with? Look at her.

Look at her horrible eyebrows.

Wow, she's fit.

Oh, well, why don't you just finger her, then?

- Sorry. - Oh, fuck.

I'm gonna kill myself. Don't let him see me.

You don't need to be so dramatic.

Oh, God. I'm gonna be sick.

It's coming.

It's fucking coming.

As a woman, you really shouldn't tie

your self-esteem to a man.

I'm gonna cut my wrists and send him a picture.

For God's sake. Josie, will you tell her?

Yeah, no, I actually tried that with Georgia.

I bled all the way from Crawley to Bristol,

and she didn't even offer to pay for the Megabus back

or anything.

Listen, girls, I know it's hard,

but as you get older, you'll learn to love

with less of your heart...

less and less, until eventually there's nothing left anymore.

Okay?

No, you just haven't met the one.

He's the love of my life.

Wash the blade first.

Now, remember, girls, be normal.

We like this one.

I'm gonna call him Daddy.

I'm gonna call him Daddy,

but, like, only in a sexual way.

Josie, keep it light.

Dev.

So it was at that point, they put me on mirtazapine, right?

Which I actually think more, like, masks the issue

rather than dealing with the root cause of it,

if you get me.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, I don't really feel any happier.

I just want to eat Frosties literally all the time.

Would you like to see my hospital pajamas?

Uh...

Mum, she's talking about her mental health again.

Oh, for fuck's sake! Not to Dev!

- Guess what color they are. - Dinner is ready now.

Oh, lovely.

Don't you dare.

I shouldn't have to hide my depression.

And I shouldn't have to hide the stress shingles

on my arse with a Compeed, but we all make sacrifices.

It costs more than my wine, that does.

Sorry.

Pole with a flat blade used to row a boat, 3.

Noble gas with the atomic number 86, 5.

A shortened term for a large bedroom for several people, 4.

Someone or something related to Ancient Rome

or its empire, 5.

And low, human-produced noise or complaint, 4.

- Anyone like a Mini Milk? - Yeah.

Keep staring like that,

and I will slit your throat in your bed.

- Can I get a hand, please, Dev? - Oh, of course.

Jose, I need to ask you something.

Yeah?

And I need you to answer honestly.

- Okay. - Seriously, even if it's

something that I'm not gonna like.

Okay.

Do you think Nicky's moved on?

- Yes. - No.

Because he hasn't actually broken up with me.

That's the thing. He just asked for space.

Yeah, but I kind of feel like asking for space

is just a thing you do before accepting

your relationship is dead.

What?

Well, it's a bit like, um-- you know when you have, like,

leftovers that you're never actually gonna finish,

so you just, like, put them in Tupperware

and, like, leave them in the fridge,

and they just go off in the fridge, right?

When really, you should've just put them straight in the bin.

It's a bit like that. It's in the bin.

He's really not worth obsessing over.

I'm not obsessed. I just can't live without him.

- Hmm. Mm. - I gave him everything.

I had sex with him literally all the time,

even when I really didn't want to.

- Yeah. - 'Cause that's what love is.

That's what love is, yeah.

I'm gonna go to his birthday party, win him back.

I love that. Yeah, you should definitely go.

Uh, he's obviously forgotten I'm a 10 and he's a 2.

- Yeah, I think so. - I just gotta remind him.

- Mm-hmm. - Jose, we're soul mates.

Yeah.

And if he doesn't take me back,

- I will kill myself. - Cool.

Do you want a strawberry or chocolate Mini Milk?

- Uh, strawberry, please. - Okay.

That's it. That's it.

That's it.

Well?

Pudding's canceled.

- What's wrong? - Sorry.

I'm not sure what's happened there.

Hmm.

Do you want a beer?

Uh, no, no.

I've just brushed my teeth. Um...

To be honest with you, I think it might be

something to do with Josie.

It's her face. It's just so sad.

Oh. That's just her personality.

Trust me, she likes being depressed.

Oh, it's put me off a bit. Put me off my game.

Oh. All right.

See, a girl her age, it's not right, and, uh...

I'm not sure it's healthy to be around it.

You see, Joe Rogan, he says depression's contagious,

and I've just got too much on at work to be catching that.

Hmm?

Of course.

Can you just let go?

Sorry. Thanks.

Good morning!

Time for work.

I don't think I'm up to it.

I'm just not creatively fulfilled in retail.

Josie, we've talked about this.

Work isn't about fulfillment.

It's about earning money so you can buy stuff

- that makes you feel fulfilled. - I think--

No, no, stop. Too much thinking.

No wonder you feel a bit sad.

Just have a cup of tea, pop some deodorant on,

- and stop thinking. - But--

Trust me, stop thinking.

Do you see me thinking? No. It's not good for you.

Your brain is the enemy, so just stop.

And can you try and smile a bit more when you're with us?

Dev says he finds you a haunting presence,

and I'd prefer if his libido wasn't dragged down

by your face.

There she is, ready for the big, wide world.

Have you farted?

I can't do it in my room. Dev's in there.

Please don't make me go inside.

I think I'm having a panic attack.

Yeah, my tits feel really tight.

Do other people really just walk around

pretending they're absolutely fine

when everything inside their head is on fire?

I genuinely think I'd rather be dead

if I've got to spend the rest of my life smiling

and pretending like I'm someone else.

Get out of the fucking car.

Aha! Found you.

You've been off for ages.

Where you been?

Really shouldn't talk about it.

Methinks the girl is troubled.

I don't want to suck you into my vortex.

Come on, I've made a hot chocky and everything.

Talk to me.

Okay.

Well, Mum's got this new boyfriend called Dev, right?

And he's really nice,

and I really thought we were getting on.

But then, basically, Mum came in this morning

and told me that my face was actually preventing him

from being able to get an erection,

which is an issue 'cause he's got a massive house.

I think the problem was that I walked in

on him fingering her in the kitchen

bent over the toaster.

But I didn't mean to make him uncomfortable.

I just wanted to talk to him.

And how did it go?

Well, it was like he was trying to birth a lamb,

but the lamb didn't want to come out yet.

- No, I meant talking to him. - Oh.

We didn't get that far.

I think we were both a bit distracted.

Do you--do you really think

my face could prevent him getting an erection?

I don't know.

Oh.

This is actually, um, cold.

I'm just gonna go reheat.

What does he see in her?

Who?

Bianca. I found her.

Don't wipe it on my bed.

What is it about her?

I don't know. She seems quite happy.

And she's so fucking thin. I hate that.

I know.

Where's all the damage?

What the fuck does she even talk about?

I guess we just have to remember

that most people aren't wet for trauma like we are.

- But trauma's all we've got. - I know.

Okay, how do I be more like her?

Don't worry. She's basic. She's live, laugh, love.

We're...

death, silence, hate.

They'll go out for a bit, she'll break his heart,

he'll be alone and vulnerable, and that's when we strike.

And what the fuck am I supposed to do

- in the meantime? - I don't know.

Stop texting him and leave him alone for a bit?

Okay, be serious.

Do you think I shouldn't go to the party?

No, you should. You look really skinny.

- Not skinny like her, though. - Yep, really skinny.

Everyone's worried. We all talked about it.

Really?

Mum's gonna try and fix my depression tomorrow

by taking me shopping.

Oh, my God, you're stealing my move.

- What? - Yeah, sometimes I just

pretend I'm gonna kill myself.

She takes me out for a new jacket and a Wagamama.

That's amazing.

What about this?

Mm, no. It's too straight.

Well, think how feminine you'd look, though.

Hides your arms.

- This one? - No.

Dresses like that don't suit me.

I look like a milkmaid.

Why are you so weird about your body?

Try it on.

You'll hide your round shoulders.

- I don't want to. - Try it on.

I don't want to. I don't like it.

Please don't shout, or I'll have a panic attack.

Why are you so anxious?

Because I'm traumatized by my childhood.

No, that can't be it.

You must be having too much coffee.

Now get in there and try the fucking dress on,

or I swear to God, I will scream the place down.

- Can I help? - Yes.

My daughter won't try the dress on.

Why won't you try the dress on?

Okay, fine, I'll try the fucking dress on, okay?

Oh, you look lovely.

I'm buying it.

Okay.

Doesn't that feel good?

Yeah, it does a bit.

Mum, we don't have that much money.

You're using a clothes peg as a hair clip.

It's fine.

- It's quite a rush, isn't it? - Exactly.

New clothes are really exciting

because you haven't had the chance to create

any sad memories wearing them yet.

I could be a new me, a better me.

Now you're getting it.

Oh, it's starting to wear off a bit now.

I feel a bit sad again.

Well, that's why we go back next week.

Oh, okay, as long as you don't think

it's unhealthy to try and fix mental health problems

by throwing money we don't have into an ever-growing void.

Accessories.

- Billie. - Hmm.

- Billie. - Hmm.

How much?

27 pounds.

And Mum paid for it.

She cried until they gave her a discount, though, right?

Nope. Honestly, she got out her card, and she paid.

It was like a film.

Money must have come through from the roof insurance scam.

- Oh. - Right, so I spent

four hours on Bianca's Instagram,

and I realized what Nicky's been trying to tell me.

- What? - It's her hair.

He likes blondes, bleached blondes.

Okay.

- So guess what. - What?

We're going blonde.

We've got three hours before the party,

and it better look good, or I'm gonna tell Mum

where you've hidden the pills.

Okay, are you sure you want to do this?

Do you remember how mine looked?

Yeah, but you've got such thin hair,

so it was always gonna look different.

Plus, you didn't know whether to put it

on your head or to drink it.

I was kept in a psych ward overnight.

Oh, my God, are we ever gonna stop

talking about your mental health?

Exactly like her, yeah?

Really look at it, Jose.

Remember, fucking fit.

Got it. Okay.

- What do I have to do? - Right.

You mix the powder with the goo so it goes burny.

Is that what it says in the leaflet?

Yeah. And then when it's all on,

that's when you put the hat on my head.

It's really important so it cooks.

- Do you mean the ASDA bag? - Yes, the hat.

It stinks in here.

Sorry.

Hi, Dev.

Hello.

- Do you like my new dress? - Uh, yes.

You--you look very jolly.

Doesn't she look like Reese Witherspoon,

but more feminine?

How's my big man?

All the better for seeing you, sexybum.

I think maybe we should have a look

at something in the kitchen.

Thanks for doing this, by the way.

You're welcome.

It's nice, isn't it, spending time together?

Why do you always have to make things so fucking weird?

Sorry.

This is gonna look so good, though, isn't it?

- Yeah. - 'Cause that's feminism.

If it hurts loads, it must be worth doing.

Um, yeah.

He's not gonna know what to do with himself

now that I'm bleach blonde with big tits.

So much blood is gonna rush to his dick,

he's gonna get brain damage.

Bianca is fucked.

She's gonna end up in a psych ward like you.

You're foaming at the mouth.

Yeah.

It's really fucking stinging now.

Where would you say on, like, a scale?

- Like a 7. - Okay.

7's not so bad.

Last bit on the roots, anyway.

Okay, it's gone up.

8.

8.5.

9.

Oh, no. Does it hurt?

9.5.

- Josie seems much chirpier. - Oh, yes.

They're both in great spirits.

My two happy little girls.

Oh, my God, it burns.

I don't know how women go through

what we go through for men.

I do this all for you, Nicky.

This is all for you.

Nearly done.

This is what you wanted.

Okay...

finished.

Is it stretchy?

Remember to check.

Is it?

A bit.

Okay, I-I'm just gonna put the hat on now.

I have never been in this much pain

in my entire life.

I can't breathe.

I think I'm going to die.

- I look incredible, right? - Oh, my God. Wow.

I mean, I'm your sister, and I'm horny.

Don't wait up.

Modernity and warmth

reflecting each family's unique personality

and, of course, their passion for cooking.

Join us next time as we venture into--

You see, it's interesting they went

with the, uh, granite countertops in the end,

because they're not as durable as they should be.

Mm.

That is so interesting, Dev.

Yes, isn't it, Josie?

Good girl.

I decided on Silestone in the end.

It's a little bit less trendy, but, um...

as I always say, function over fashion.

It's gonna look gorgeous when it's finished.

Yes. Yes. Yes, it is.

You see, people often rush the finish,

but that's actually where you maximize your yield.

Mm.

Um, and that reminds me,

since you are so artistic, Deb,

perhaps you'd like to help me, uh, pick out the tiles

for the backsplash?

Love to.

Right, well, I'm gonna have a fag and, um,

then maybe an early night...

sexybum.

It's happening, Josie.

You fucking bitch!

You said you needed the hat so the hair cooks.

Why didn't you tell me I had "ASDA" on the back of my head?

Um, I'm afraid of confrontation?

Well, you're gonna get one now.

I'm gonna fucking kill you!

Stop it!

Stop it!

I'm having a panic attack.

- Not the ketchup! - Not my dress.

Oh, you look like a fucking milkmaid!

It costs more than my wine!

Stop being pig women!

Do you see what you've done, Josie?

Right, that's it.

I'm really gonna do it this time.

It's happening. I'm gonna fucking do it!

We okay?

Yes.

Uh...

Billie just wants to go to Wagamama.

Hello. I'd just like to return this, please.

Yeah, of course. Anything wrong with it?

Nope, nothing. Just didn't suit her.

Not feminine enough.

Oh.

Uh...

yeah, don't think we can accept this.

Girls, can you just wait outside, please?

Sorry.

It's just that my husband's left us

in quite a lot of--of debt,

and, um, we're just trying to be really brave about it.

So...

It's just--

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry your hair didn't win Nicky back.

- He was bad news, anyway. - No, he was perfect.

Exactly my type--

a drug dealer who looked like he wanted to hurt me.

Daddy?

Daddy.

He did have great chat, though, didn't he?

Great chat.

That doesn't mean he's allowed to be a dick.

Yeah.

- Can I tell you a secret? - Yeah.

Literally never wore a condom once.

That's classic Nicky.

- Not once? - Mm, didn't like them.

Said they'd end up in the ocean and dolphins can choke on them.

Billie, that's really bad. What if you're, like--

No, there's no chance, 'cause your body

has to be, like, totally ready to be pregnant,

and mine's just not ready.

Honestly, I've been so stressed,

I haven't had a period for, like, two months.

So don't worry, okay?

Everything's gonna be fine.

I'm just gonna check the sale before they close.