Original subtitles

Let's go, Stavro.

Come on!

Think, think.

I'm going to eat my salsa

in the morning.

No. Back to Rovers.

Line forms are right, ma 'am.

You, Frank.

Call.

Call. I raise.

Don't spook me this time.

Good.

Theo, it's Monica again. What do I tell her?

Tell her we're playing the last part.

I'll call.

Call.

Queen's up.

Sir Ben, no help?

What's that?

It's a message for you from Monica.

Yeah.

The rich get richer.

Three jacks. What can I tell you, your bet?

I'll check to the razor.

Seven high straights, still working.

Okay, it's up to you, Biz. I pass.

Bet a hundred.

I'm out.

Over and out.

Oh, Frank.

Fifteen times what? Sixty? Seventy? Eighty?

Ninety?

Call.

You're looking at him.

You know how much he's dropped the past six weeks? Hey, Frank, what do you want

me to do, adopt him?

He's got about as much business in playing poker as I've got entering a

Allen look -alike contest.

Theo! Don't get me wrong.

I mean, I like Vinnie.

I like Letitia.

I don't know how long they've been married now.

Four years.

They're still playing house.

They're acting as if life were one big trip to Disneyland.

Is that bad?

It is if you can't afford it.

Well...

I dropped $230.

Did I ask?

Well, you got it right. It's your money, too.

I know what you're thinking.

The dishwasher's busted. We're two months behind on the car payment. The

need cleaning.

I told Kojak to hold the check till after payday so as to be sure to clear.

Looked like a lock.

I used to figure he'd have a straight.

I don't know what it is.

It's not like I have the itch.

A pony now and then, a football pool, Friday night poker with the troops, it's

part of living. It shouldn't even signify. No, no, it shouldn't.

But it does.

Everything does.

Pop's funeral expenses, your boutique going bust.

It's not one thing, it's something else.

Never even a piece of luck.

It's like God gave me you and then he said, that's enough luck for any one

lifetime, Vincent Pomerantz, so don't come scratching around for more.

You sorry?

I wanted to give you the world.

You have.

My old man.

You should have seen him before this stroke.

Six two and he was built like a phone booth. A gentle.

Six miles to feed on a brakeman's take home and he never whimpered.

Every Saturday he'd come walking in, Mom would be sitting there with the

envelope spread out on the kitchen table.

One for Con Ed, one for the gas company, one for Dr. Horowitz, one for Edna's

piano teacher.

Must have been a dozen of them easy.

And Pop, he'd lean down, give her a peck on the cheek and turn over his wages.

She had this ratty old cloth coat, practically falling apart.

Took some doing, but the old man finally talked her into getting a new one.

She picked it out at Klein's.

I remember that little fur trim on the collar.

Anyhow, it looked like fur.

She started saving up for it, putting a little aside each week.

Well, naturally, that wasn't what Pop had in mind. He meant she should let the

bills go hang just once.

Walk right in there and buy it.

Well, you could see he wasn't gonna budge her and at the rate. She was going

kids have been grown up married time. She saved enough so pop He decided to

take matters into his own hands not her No, and he sneaked five bucks from the

cookie jar and fed it on a two -year -old that aqueduct The look

on his face when he turned up with that coat from clients She

never wore it

For the rest of her life, it lay in a box in the top shelf of their bedroom

closet.

She was punishing him, you see.

Never mind he'd won. People like us had no business taking chances.

Whatever fate dealt us, that's the hand we had to play.

It was 12 years later Pop had a stroke.

But today she refused to wear that coat.

I'd have worn it.

Everybody positioned down there? Everything's set.

Stand by, here come the goodies.

Take it kid come on who's to know

there's over Ten thousand in there.

All you've got to do is close your eyes.

How about it?

Nothing in there. All right, let's check out here.

Oh, man.

All right.

Hedge, you tell them. Tails.

You tell them that you lost them.

Is that what you're trying to tell me? That's the gist of it, Lieutenant.

Then why do you think we staged this extravaganza?

Dinky Keller, that's the slob I wanted.

He's the one who would have put the bucks on Shelly Prisco.

These other bums will be bailed out and on the streets in an hour.

Well, anyway, we zapped one of Shelly's operations.

And by many judges, there's got to be at least a quarter of a million in

contraband here. Oh, come on, will you, Frank?

It's only a drop of the bucket.

This Shelly Prisco will put up another store before the police property clerks

can tag this stuff.

All right, you get with Stavros.

Get those turkeys mugged and booked.

You, Sherlock, let's go play kiss and tell.

Well, now we know how Dickie got out of here.

Yeah, and he took the ledgers with him.

Well, he probably heard Vince coming and knew he was cut off.

He couldn't have had that much time. Are you kidding? That's fast, even for

Woody Shoemaker.

You know, dumpy dinky going through this escape hatch is like threading a needle

with a wet noodle.

Guess you had to be there.

Hi,

honey.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Inventory took longer than we'd expected.

Did you have your dinner?

No, I wasn't really hungry. I preferred to wait for you.

Oh, I'll only be a minute. I want to get comfortable.

How was your day?

Exciting? Oh, not particularly.

Ben? Yeah?

What, Ben?

I don't know. Beats me. Why don't you open up and find out?

It's not from Clines, either.

I don't understand. How?

Well, this dude I knew was in a jam. I did him a favor, and he insisted on

expressing his gratitude.

That's a lot of gratitude.

It was a lot of favor. Do you like it?

I like it.

I love it.

Something else you're going to love. What?

See these?

Receipts.

Stamped. Paid in full.

I didn't bail, I thought, but I sure put some breathing space between us and our

creditors.

And you?

What did you do for you? For me?

The look on your face.

That's for me.

Try it on.

Just try and stop me.

Oh. You're a fool to pay retail for that mink, Mr. Pomerantz.

Who is this?

Let's just say I have a business associate of a certain party for whom

recently did a favor.

You've engaged my interest, Mr. Pomerantz.

I even made it a point to check you out. For example, I know that you're in a

financial bind.

You've been moonlighting weekends as a cab driver.

What a way to live, I ask you.

What kind of a life is that?

You're building up to something. Forget it. I'm not interested.

How do you know?

Why don't you hear me out first?

A friend of mine is in need of a favor, defendant at an upcoming trial at which

you happen to be the district attorney's chief witness, Sammy Juergens.

Now, if you weren't to, you know, shade your testimony, suffer a convenient

memory lapse, $10 ,000, Vincent.

Won't work anyway.

Lieutenant Kojak is also a witness for the prosecution.

With a very significant distinction.

You actually saw the crime.

He arrived on the scene moments later.

There'd be a man waiting in the restroom, just outside the courtroom.

We've still got a few minutes. I think I'll hit the men's room. That's a shrewd

move. I think I'll join you. Lieutenant, phone call for you.

You first.

Give your boss a message.

Don't come to the well.

Get out.

Are you sure, Frank?

Sure enough for the DA to want to trot it before the grand jury just as soon as

they can squeeze him in.

I'm telling you, we're not just going to tie a can to Briscoe. We're going to

plow under his entire organization.

Only, Theo, keep this under your hat, huh?

Word leaks out prematurely there'll be a fire sale on Harp.

Okay, Frank.

What happened? They repealed the Miranda?

Oh, not quite as good, but you're close.

Well, well, well, look what just come out of the sewer.

Banjo -Eyed Benny, the gunner's gunner.

I wonder what brings this slave to this hall of justice.

Maybe one of his pals is standing trial.

What, pal, are you kidding with his personality?

I mean, he couldn't strike up a friendship in the city of brotherly love

the city of brotherly love was the city of brotherly love.

The court should be in session now, Lieutenant.

Oh, thanks, Judy.

I booted it.

Like some rookie fresh out of the academy.

Forget about it. It happens to the best of us.

I mean, I've seen experts, professionals in the witness box grumble like stale

cookies. What that defense attorney did to you, any justice charged with murder

won.

And Juergens walks.

After all the time we put in, we had him dead to rights.

We'll nail him.

A schlep like Juergens, he can walk around the corner without committing a

felony. Come on, let's go.

Vincenzo. Get a load of this.

Ah, look at this fashion plate.

Ooh, looks good.

What's the matter, a man can't take his wife to dinner without a chaperone?

We're planning on that Shelly Briscoe, Captain's orders.

Told us to make a log on every move that Barracuda makes.

Briscoe's inside?

Yeah.

Come on, honey, let's go.

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. What, are you kidding?

If we had to steer clear of every chow house frequently by the wise guys, we'd

have to take all our meals at the ornament.

Come on, go on.

Hey, Vince.

Munch, munch, baby.

I wouldn't say no to a doggy bag.

I just fought with the D .A. It's all systems go. The grand jury's issuing a

subpoena for Shelly Briscoe. Oh.

Well, you tell them I claim the privilege to serve that cockroach

I'll call them back.

Darling, what's the matter?

It's these muscles. I think they sneaked into the country under an assumed name.

Compliment the Monsieur Briscoe, sir.

Frisco, you sleazy punk. I ought to ram this down your slimy throat. Where do

you get off buying me champagne?

Just looking at you is enough to make me want to puke my dinner. Here, creep, in

case you ain't got my message.

I think it doesn't eat by chance. That was better than the Bicentennial Minute.

Sit down.

If I want you to stand, I'll whistle the national anthem.

All right, hear ye, hear ye.

As an award by the best performers of the year by a toilet bowl, the city of

York and the people in it.

I would like to present you with this engraved subpoena.

Come on, Charlie Brown.

Get some air.

How long have you been a member of the Kamikaze Squad?

Okay, what would you have done?

Well, I was Dom Perignon.

I would have drunk the contents and then busted the empty bottle over his head.

My favorite part, like... A woman who smells as good as she looks.

Check, please.

What, are you kidding? At these prices? You could eat the tablecloth.

Besides the sunshine.

It's our anniversary.

Why don't you join us? We'd love to have you.

Oh, Bess. I mean, I'm still thinking you're young enough whereby you want to

alone with the tete -a -tete and all that, but I'll take a rain check on your

silver anniversary.

Take care of your man, lady.

He's acting like he's got a tiger in his tank.

Cheers.

Why did you lie to him?

It's not our anniversary.

You're a cop, you're Caesar's wife. If he sees us eating in a joint like this,

he begins to wonder.

I'm scared, Vinnie.

Why am I scared?

Manhattan South.

Hold on.

Finney, line three.

Detective Pomerantz, can I help you?

Don't talk, just listen.

Write this number down.

555 -2473.

Go to the payphone outside and call me right back.

Anyone else? I had to go out for a couple of minutes. Sure.

Frank? You know what day this is? Let's see. The last time I looked to a sundial

near my Olympic -sized swimming pool in the back of my estate, it was, uh...

Tuesday? Wrong.

It's the sixth day in a row I've had to remind you you're grossly overdue for

weapons requalification.

I'm telling you, Theo, if you don't get your butt over that firing range, the

commission is going to personally fall by and relieve you of your hardware.

All right, tomorrow.

I'll do it just before I come into war.

I just got a ballroom squeal, a knifing over on the east side. All right, take

Pomerantz. He's out.

What about Rizzo?

No, no, no. He's got to give a deposition. All right, you go on ahead.

And when Vince comes in, I'll have him play catcher.

And look, I don't blame you about last night. It was my gaffe, not yours.

It's a wonder the shoe flies ain't crawling all over me today.

I sent you a message you wanted in writing.

It's one last favor, Vincent.

I'll never trouble you again.

No. Top dollar.

You could make the down payment on the house in Nyack your wife has been pining

for. How could you know about that?

The things I know about you, Vincent, that you don't know yourself.

So what do you say?

A little inside information is all I need.

My associates and I have reasons to believe that the DA's office has a

witness squirreled away and they intend to spray him on us at the grand jury

hearing. Obviously, such an eventuality. A justice soon avoid, you know?

So, just give us a name and an address, Vincent.

It's out of the question. Ain't you heard a word I said?

Of course, but you haven't heard my offer.

I don't care if you throw in boardwalk and park place. My answer is no.

Vince, come on. I got a homicide.

I'm Detective Crocker.

Could you tell me your name?

Mrs. Nugent.

Mrs. Nugent, please tell me what happened.

We was having an aperitif, Charlie and me. Nice and sociable.

Charlie was always the perfect gentleman.

Charlie. You were saying about having an aperitif?

There's people should never touch liquor.

Tommy O 'Halloran, for one. Is that the man who stabbed Mr. McGuire?

With no provocation.

Excuse me, Mrs. Nugent.

Do you know where we might locate, O 'Halloran?

Down the street.

205th floor.

Thank you, Mrs. Nugent.

Hey, you the police?

Yeah. Well, show me.

You're looking for Tommy O?

Yeah, that's right.

Well, he ain't upstairs.

All right, I'll buy it. Where is he? Tom's taking some laundry down to the

basement. Thank you, ma 'am.

Nobody's going to bother you. I just want to talk.

Go away, I said.

I fought the king's service. You don't frighten me.

Where are you going to go?

There are blue uniforms all over the street up there. Don't be a jerk. You

get as far as the corner.

I don't.

He don't. Take it easy.

Okay.

Yeah, I'm okay.

I'm going to call an ambulance.

Bobby.

I think I'm thinking of an area to pet you.

It's my one vice.

They give me gas.

So what the hell? So does my wife's cooking.

Second thought, maybe it's not the cooking.

Maybe it's my wife. Listen, if I want to head a young man to prison, I'll get

you a violin.

In the meantime, what's the story on our friend Mr. Briscoe?

He's sweating bullets.

When you laid that paper on him, he went 80 % bananas.

The Tom Tom's got a...

D .A. turned himself a witness.

Is that the end of it?

Mr. Briscoe made any moves?

He didn't even blow on his nose.

But then again, maybe he don't have to. Maybe he's got somebody who can do it

for him.

Yeah, but that's only the wrapping paper.

How about the fish?

I don't know his moniker.

But the word on the street that Briscoe's bought himself a flat foot.

It's been my observation that insomnia is one of the classic byproducts... What

are you talking about?

Byproducts of what?

When a man is reminded dramatically of his own mortality.

I'm given to understand that your wife very nearly became a widow today.

I presume it's occurred to you that in view of the risks you take, you're

grossly underpaid.

It goes with the territory.

I'm sure that apparition would have comforted Mrs. Pomerantz greatly as they

lower you into your grave.

Whether it would or it wouldn't, it's got nothing to do with you.

Do you survive this time?

Muddle tough, but what if you hadn't? Vincent, think about it.

A policeman's death benefit.

That's all you mean to leave her?

Doesn't she deserve more, don't you?

I have a very attractive proposition to make to you, my friend.

It's about that information you wanted. I already told you. Oh, I already

secured that. Thank you.

I guess I'm not in such exclusive company after all.

You could be.

$50 ,000 in your pocket.

You got long arms, Briscoe.

Who do I have to kill?

You're joking. I'm not.

You mean you want me to dust someone?

Weekends in Bermuda.

Mink, you'll wrap your garbage in it. The little lady wants Nyack, Vincent.

Why not give it to her?

Nine years on the force.

I never shot anyone, let alone killed.

So much for clean living.

It'll be easy.

Easier than you think.

We'll supply the weapon, the blueprint, transportation to the target zone.

All you gotta do is squeeze the trigger.

You can't do that, can you? Squeeze the trigger.

I have to think about it. We gotta move this weekend.

If it's not you, I'll rent another cannon.

An hour.

What difference can an hour make?

Don't shut me off, Vincent.

There's nothing better than a dead cop.

Honey. We gotta talk.

Oh, later. Come to bed.

This won't keep.

It's about that house at Nyack.

Suppose I found a way to raise the money.

Oh, darling, can you?

Oh, I'll be so good.

I'll watch every penny. Say yes, please.

It's not what I'm asking.

Suppose. Just suppose.

You'll love the neighborhood.

Trees and lawns and a school you can walk to. It's perfect for raising a

Is she not listening? You're not listening.

How about that family?

Could start right now.

You too.

I thought this kind of misery was reserved exclusively for squad

You know, it's a masochistic absurdity for anyone to be up at such an ungodly

hour. General Hague is in charge of our entire NATO forces, right?

So does anybody ask him to requalify on a carbine?

Nobody orders Heifetz to requalify on a violin.

Yeah, that's my point exactly.

What are you leaving?

Yeah, they're holding a place for me at Bickford.

I'll see you at the store.

Such a thing as being over -trained.

Well, not if you're a bachelor.

All right.

Be on it for once.

There you are.

I gotta mark the ship and get you assigned to the fire officer.

Must be bucklin' for somethin' three days running at the crack of dawn.

The crack of dawn.

Hello? Sorry to dump it on you like this, Vinnie, but Saperstein's kid fell

his skateboard.

Dora's in St. Luke's for a lube job.

The mother -in -law's down with the shingles. Oh, yes.

Their schnauzer just flunked his rabies test.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is I need you to fill in. I put in for an A

-28 for 72 hours. Lieutenant Kojak approved it.

Tish and me made plans, Captain. I have a heart.

Can't you get somebody else?

It's too important.

I need two good men to buzz over to Riverdale and collect a witness for the

grand jury.

Crocker will pardon you.

Okay, I'm on my way. Whose car? Mine or Bobby's? Neither.

You'll be driving a bulletproof hearse.

Bad news. We have to scratch the mission.

What do you mean, scratch?

I just got off the phone with Captain McNeil. He wants me and another

to make the pickup and the delivery.

That's all she wrote.

If that witness does his number for the grand jury, I'll be stamping license

plates into the next entry.

There's nothing I can do.

There's always something.

You just haven't thought of it yet.

You haven't thought of it.

What are you using for transport?

An armored plate hearse. Kojak's taking no chances.

Now listen carefully.

This is what we'll do.

On your way back, make sure that you're doing the driving.

Your partner rides shotgun.

Now are you listening?

Just before you hit the city, the hearse breaks down. You volunteered to ask for

help, leaving your buddy alone with a witness.

Now what happens next is something you didn't worry about.

Since you're safely alibied.

You know what you're asking me to do? Now listen to me.

I'm not asking.

I am giving you an order.

If I go down, you go down with me. All the way.

Have you any idea what life in jail is like for an ex -cop?

Now do it.

That way we'll both live to enjoy our grandchildren.

Stop us.

Put your fat finger on that, will you, please? I don't want the genie to

Gee, that's pretty snazzy goods, Lieutenant. Who's the lucky lady?

No, for ladies, you don't buy tea sets, stop us. For ladies, you buy perfume.

For ladies, you buy furs. You buy nightgowns, necklaces, peek -throughs,

-throughs like that. No, this is for Vince and Letitia. It's a belated

anniversary gift. Would you believe I bought this thing a week ago?

Gee, Lieutenant, I think your account is a little off.

Their wedding anniversary is not until four months yet.

Are you sure?

Well, I ought to be. My good sister Catherine was one of Tisha's

Give Mrs.

Pomerantz on the phone, won't you?

What other gave you the idea that it was Vinnie's wedding anniversary anyway,

Lieutenant?

That was the night I served Briscoe at the subpoena.

Let's go.

Oh, no.

Well, he was only putting you on. He was pretty thingy that night anyway.

You should have seen the look on his face when he spotted me and sat with me.

For a second there, he actually thought we were planning on him. Are you ready

for that?

Hey, Lieutenant, I couldn't get through. So I checked with the supervisor.

Bones off the hook.

Go over there.

You tell him to sit on that witness, you understand?

You tell him to sit on that witness.

Not to make any moves.

Until I get there. Do you understand?

Yeah.

All right,

get out of phone and call Rizzo.

See if you got the Riverdale in time.

Okay, Lieutenant.

My dearest darling, do me a favor.

Never forget that I love you more than life itself.

Something's happened, happened.

Something happened to Vince.

What did you tell me?

I have been sitting here half out of my mind, not knowing what to think, not

knowing what to do.

Whatever happens, never forget that I love you.

Theo, what does he mean, whatever happens?

You don't know.

Tish, you know that perfume you were wearing the other night? Mm -hmm. It's

to go for $60 an ounce.

That robe you got on?

Uh -huh.

Took a lot of silkworms to work all night, night, night to put that on your

back. And a stereo set and new drapes and a 25 -inch television set and on and

on. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear that Vince lost a very rich uncle.

maybe their anniversary presents.

Tish.

Why would Vince go to the firing range three days running?

Tell me I'm wrong.

Tell me for what I'm thinking they ought to pull my badge.

He said he helped a friend out.

I didn't pry.

I could see he didn't want me to.

Suddenly our luck had changed.

We were drinking champagne for the first time.

Talking about buying a house.

Having kids.

It was the yellow brick road.

And I never wanted it to end.

Only it has ended.

Hasn't it?

You know, Tish, a couple of days ago a stool came up to me and said that

had a cop in his pocket.

If anybody would have said Vince, I would have punched him out.

Sorry, boss. Too late.

The boat's already sailed.

We better go.

Oh, what a job, huh? Look at the French benefits.

Air you can actually breathe.

Reminds me of New England.

Speaking of which, wouldn't I love to be holed up in a cabin in Vermont?

My honey on one side, a jug of antifreeze on the other, and nothing to

the spring thaw.

Uh, I said Vermont, not Riverdale.

What is it?

Why have we stopped?

Uh, relax, Mr. Danzig. Everything will be worked out.

There's bound to be a house not too far ahead. I'll call for it, sir.

Okay.

Vince!

You okay?

I should have worn skis.

I think I sprained.

You're going to have to hoof it to the phone.

Ah, that's what I get for dreaming.

You going to be all right?

Bobby.

Thanks for the other day.

Hey, you'd have done the same thing, right?

Come on, get in.

What gives?

You ain't supposed to be here. Where's your sidekick?

There's been a change in plan.

He's gone.

Danziger's gone. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Kojak shuffled the deck on

us.

This hearse is just a decoy. Danziger's being taken to Manhattan in another

vehicle. You're hustling us, cop. Now, why would you do a thing like that?

You left a safe house with a crooner on board.

You ain't here now because you got him stashed somewhere.

Now, that's a fact. You know what else is a fact? How dead you're going to be,

you don't get some hinges for that mouth.

I cut them.

Look at you.

It didn't even send you pin feathers.

Come on, will you? I lead a charmed life.

That's because you're a charmer.

Lieutenant, I can't find Danziger anywhere.

Don't panic, Curly.

Before the balloon went up, I parked him in the woods, cuffed to an owl.

If bears ain't enemies, you'll be as good as new.

You're taking me to frostbite.

I've got no feeling in my legs.

I'm dying.

You're on a deathbed statement.

A deathbed statement duly witnessed.

You're all hard.

Why, Vince?

In God's name, why?

You wouldn't understand.

Why did you try me?

I wanted to buy her a coke.

Oh, Jesus. Sweet Jesus.

Not like this.

Please, not like this.

Tell her what?

What are you going to tell her? I don't know.

But I'll think of something.