Original subtitles

Someone took my yoga mat.

Good morning.

Hey! How are you?

- Good. - I'll make some tea.

- Do you want some? - Yeah! Iced tea.

For me.

- Same. - Sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's super important. I have to take this call, sorry.

- Hello? - It's Sophie.

- I see the red shoes-- - Are they still available in size 6?

- I didn't check. - Check.

- Yes. - Take them, please!

- In red. Thank you for calling. - See you.

Sorry for interrupting you.

That said, I think you wanted to do it again. You're not that…

I think. I don't want to… It wasn't… There you go.

Come on, let's go. I'm in a hurry.

And turn off your cell phones.

I was sitting on a stone

Tears flowed down my face I didn't know how to do it anymore

To find in me the courage

I looked up at the sky And then I saw the light

I bathed my soul there

Come on.

The force that guides my steps

Oh, my God.

This force that guides my steps

Like a bird in the sky

Master of space

It took me a while

To find my place

I had lost track of

Time that breaks us

Oh, they so often

Felt like veiling my face

I don't want to let it happen to me again

I can't take it anymore

I've suffered too much

God answered my prayers

I will stay, I will fight And I'm proud of it

Are you gonna move or not?

- Move! - Alright! Give me a second!

Move your ass!

There you go! It's fine!

It's red now.

L.A. COUPLES SEASON TWO

Hi, Jean-Phil.

- Voicemail. - Okay.

How are you?

No messages.

- I'm all ears. - I'm late to see Michelle.

- She's with someone. - I'm done. Bring her in.

I can wait.

No, definitely not!

Come in! There you go.

Good. Well, listen…

Sabine.

I understood "sardine." Careful.

How are you?

I'm an agent, not a magician.

Now, they don't want you. They have migraine. That's all.

But it'll come back.

You know, roles come and go.

It's made of tiny things, as the other jerk would say.

Don't hesitate to call me.

In fact, hesitate.

Call Jean-Phil instead.

But trust me, it will be fine.

So, sweetie, how's it going? Sit down. It's done.

You want to drinking something? No. We're not thirsty.

So, as you know,

the shooting of season three

- will start in the United States. - Yes.

Regarding the dubbing of Jennifer Marshall,

I obviously said that you weren't interested.

What? Yes, I am!

No, you're not interested, no one is.

Yes, I know.

We are the leading role in one of the biggest series in the world,

but we said no.

- It's really stupid. - Yes.

It's stupid.

It's fucking stupid.

That's how it works.

In the end, they came back, tail between legs.

They tripled your salary.

Season three: rule of three. It's logical.

Logical!

- You scared me. - All you have to do is sign.

Jean-Phil!

He likes wasting his time.

Contracts!

- Thank you. - No! Do it with him.

Thank you!

Thank you.

You're going to be a star.

Disgusting.

Are you okay?

Noticed anything?

You got fat?

No. I bought a car.

It's only a Smart.

It's convertible!

There's something I need to tell you. It's huge.

Children, say hello to Aunt Jeanne!

- I'll make you pancakes tonight. - Yeah!

- Hello, Auntie. - Hello.

- Hello, Auntie. - It's season three--

- Hello, Auntie. - Hello.

- Look at my drawing. - It's ugly.

It's you.

- Hello. - How many did you have?

So…

I wanted to tell you that we signed for season three,

and they tripled my salary. Imagine season four.

Good. You'll be able to pay your rent.

Don't touch the remote!

Ouch.

Who cares about bills? I'm loaded now. Jennifer won't stop any time soon.

Leave the cat alone.

Here's a gift.

- Repetto. - Thank you.

They're amazing.

They are super flexible.

Stop annoying the cat!

Okay, stop. Let's eat.

Daddy is here.

- How are you, Cédric? - A jerk parked in front of the house!

A jerk? It could be a girl. We don't know.

A bitch, then.

The bitch wishes you a good evening.

- Good luck. - Thanks.

- I can't sleep nor eat. - I'm not in the mood.

I want you so bad.

I said I'm not in the mood.

I want you so bad.

Okay, be quick. My husband might surprise us.

Well, no risks.

- RTL Matin, 7:00 a.m. - 9:30 a.m. - Vincent Parizot.

Pedro Almodóvar begins shooting his new film in Paris

with Penélope Cruz and Johnny Depp.

And this just came in,

Jennifer Marshall, the heroine of L.A. Couples,

decided to end her career following a nervous breakdown.

You're kidding me.

No, they're not kidding.

- She quit. What can I say? - Why?

I don't know. She lost her cat? Got a bad haircut? Broke a fingernail?

- What about me? - You…

You're speechless.

If I may say so.

What am I going to do?

- She's with someone. - I'm done!

- Come in. - But what do I do?

You know, it'll come back.

How are you? Have a seat.

It'll come back. You know, roles come and go. Right?

As the other jerk says.

- Don't hesitate to call me. - Yes.

In fact, hesitate.

Call Jean-Phil instead.

And trust me, it's going to be fine.

Go team!

Yes!

I'm sorry I'm late.

It's okay.

Do you want us to check the levels?

No need. Thank you.

Look at my cheerleader outfit.

- It suits me, I'm so happy. - Awesome!

Awesome.

Go, blues!

- Can we do it again? - Yes.

Look at my cheerleader outfit. It suits me.

I'm so happy.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

We can…

It's all right-- No, it's not!

The wildlife park has nine individuals: three adult females…

It's no big deal.

Yes, it is. She's ending her career.

They're going to kill her character in two episodes and I'll lose everything.

Now's your chance to try acting again.

- To audition. - I'm screwed with my voice.

I will always be Jennifer Marshall's voice. It's over.

She'll stop being depressed.

I'd like to know why she's depressed.

- She has everything she wants. - Ethan.

Stop biting your nails!

It's late. Go to sleep.

Oh no, this movie is so good.

Sexual likeness between bonobos and humans…

You can't mope around forever. I don't know…

Do something.

Should I go to Los Angeles and say to her, "Jennifer, pull yourself together"?

As if I was going to say that.

I'm telling it to you.

No chance.

I'm gonna have shitty auditions all my life.

Detective Garibaldi, Homicide.

I have questions about--

Thank you. We'll call you back.

Oh! You have a big stain of grease.

- So use the stain remover-- - Thank you!

- When I let off steam-- - Thank you!

Thank you!

Is it because I'm the voice of Jennifer Marshall?

Who's that? Who's Jennifer Marshall?

Marshall…

Marshall…

Are you okay?

No.

You're right.

I'm going to L.A.

Pick up for me.

Hello?

It's Jeanne. You busy?

Obviously. But now it's too late.

I wanted to tell you I'm leaving.

That's good.

To the United States.

To see Jennifer Marshall.

- Why? - To make her change her mind.

So she continues the show.

Good. That'll keep you busy.

I was planning to talk to her agent. Goldman?

Yes. Goldman. Jean-Jacques.

Bye.

Exhausted.

Like in CSI.

CSI.

Sorry?

No. It wasn't me!

It wasn't me!

Let's keep this courteous.

It wasn't me.

Huh?

Not working.

It's blocked!

It's broken.

I can't open it…

Yes, it's fixed.

Oh my! That's bad luck, isn't it?

Ouch.

I think it's nothing.

Sorry, excuse me, look.

Sorry.

There you go.

Yes, there's a scratch.

There you go.

What? I don't understand.

I'm going to fill in…

the paper, the report, for the insurance.

Hold on.

It's got to be…

in the glove box.

It's somewhere.

That's not it.

You got it!

Where were you? Huh?

Where were you all this time?

I missed you, man.

Perfect. It's a good start.

No, I'm Jean-Michel.

- Ouch. - Casper the Ghost?

- Casper the Ghost? - Yes, I am!

I'm Ghostbusters.

No! Casper the… Oh, Farres!

- Where are my 500 dollars? - Listen.

- I have a liquidity issue. - I'll liquidate you, Slimane!

They call me "Slymane" here.

- You're Slimane Benboula and you owe me. - Stop! I have them.

Listen to me carefully. At the Paramount Studios,

I have a special friend named Robert.

You know a guy named Robert?

I swear to God. Wallah, I swear on my life it's true.

He owes me $500 too.

Go tell him Slymane sends you, and he'll pay you.

Listen to me carefully, if I don't get my money back,

I'm gonna break your face.

Stop banging!

What a moron.

Shamelessly.

Really? Excellent.

Do you know another hotel? A cheap one?

Like Campanile or Formule 1?

King Edward, it's still …

Easy.

There you go.

Yes, I have an apartment. I don't see the connection.

Ah! Appointment! There you go. Articulate.

Do you have one? Otherwise you--

Calm down!

Exactly!

Who's laughing now?

Nothing at all.

I got thrown out too.

We can't get in anywhere in this country.

If you're not on the list…

They said 11:00.

They're 16 minutes late.

And the plane's sandwiches were rotten.

Let alone the state of the toilets.

Sorry for the delay. I'm Jean-Louis, your guide.

We had a little problem, but it's settled now.

- Ready for the tour? - Yes!

Let's go.

- I'm really hungry now. - Me too.

Bringing up the rear!

I'm the other guide, Isabelle.

I'm bringing up the rear. Go ahead!

Don't turn around. Straight ahead.

It's fine. We work in pairs.

- Hi. - Hello.

- The A-Team. - We booked for 11:00.

Welcome to the Paramount Studios,

where all international movies were shot.

- In the world. - That's what I said.

On your left, studio number one.

This is where Gone with the Wind was shot.

But also Come to My House, I Live with a Friend or Leave Me Alone.

Here, ladies and gentlemen,

the famous door opening that was used for…

- What does it remind you of? - King Kong.

Nonsense. King Kong…

No. The Ninth Gatewith Julie Delpy.

I'll leave you here.

I'm going to book the restaurant.

Okay?

- I heard that you were hungry. - Yes!

- Are you? - Yes.

I'll leave you with my colleague.

- Can we see Penélope Cruz? - And take a photo with George Clooney?

So what we're going to do now is have complete freedom.

Free time for everybody. Stroll around.

Let's meet back here in an hour.

Madam!

What time do we eat? We're hungry.

Listen, you're gonna have to leave me alone now.

Can we go to the fundraiser with Jennifer Marshall tonight?

We'll try.

What a waste! We plundered this planet.

It makes me sick!

- Hey, Slimane, buddy! - Hey, Farres.

- You got in? - As usual.

It's nice to see you here.

I went to Paramount.

- And? - I saw Robert.

- He gave you the money? - No. He said you owed him.

Shit, he screwed us over.

Listen, scumbag, give me my money back or I'll fuck you up.

Come back here.

Ah! No. Nothing to do with it.

I don't care about that.

- Oh, no. - Cousin.

- You know Jennifer? - No.

- Who's this? - No one.

- I'm her driver. - Jennifer Marshall.

Jennifer Marshall. Get Lost.

- So nice to meet you. - Me too!

What?

We said that I was your driver. You're embarrassing us.

No idea how I do that.

Thanks. It was perfect, Get Lost.

Not you. You stay in the car.

You are my driver.

Hurry up.

Oh, I'm going to get some wine.

It's grape. You know? Five fruits and vegetables a day.

There you go.

All right.

Don't let this jerk ruin my… your career.

Yes. To grieve. It's therapeutic.

Sorry, it's a rental.

They're rentals too. Classy, right? Crocodiles.

How did you manage to get in?

Where do you know Jennifer Marshall from? You in the showbiz?

I'm her French voice.

Look, they have four freaking cigarette lighters!

She quit her job, so I came here to change her mind.

It really is a Romanian thing.

It's a waste of time.

What are you doing in L.A.?

- What? - Business trip.

Business? What do you mean?

I live here.

- The hotel? There? - Yes.

- I'll give you my number. - Cool, thanks.

Give it to Jennifer Marshall in case she needs a manager.

Okay, will do.

- See you. - See you.

Here's what works every time to get in. Ask for David.

- There's always someone called David. - Okay.

Since security can never reach anyone, these idiots let you in.

- All right. - Bye.

You have 20 dollars? It's for the tip.

I've got ten. Is it okay?

That will do, thanks.

I asked you for twenty, so you owe me ten.

Okay.

But I owe you ten, so we're even. Bye.

Bye.

It's hurtful!

You have to work on that.

What's that?

My clothes are soaked!

What's wrong with this shitty hotel?

No, that's okay.

But still, it's all soaked!

I'm out of clothes and shoes.

You're old-fashioned.

I know that…

We're not gonna shake hands!

Hey, Karlito!

It's been so long! You still have your ponytail, cool!

We've known each other for ever.

You good? And the kids?

I don't know her.

"I don't know her."

It's a good joke. Quite a character!

Tweed suits will be a hit.

- Thanks for the money. I'll pay you back. - Sure.

You won't believe it. I'm in Jennifer Marshall's dressing room.

- Jealous? - Send a pic when you're with Brad Pitt.

I'll tell you everything. How are you?

I'm good. It's pushing.

- Children? - No, I am.

- Push, madam! - Push! Come on!

Push!

- You have to push. - What do you think I'm doing?

I'm gonna hang up. I can't hear because of the screams.

- That's it. Do the dog. - Bye.

It doesn't look like it.

She's weird.

She's creepy, isn't she?

Put the phone away!

No, but imagine.

For nothing. Hypothetically.

I'm not judging. Everyone does what they want.

It's like a souvenir.

Yeah, but…

A perfect heist.

The heist of the century.

No security guards, no cameras.

A deserted place.

The Federal Reserve

is a child's piggy bank in comparison.

That's it.

- Bubble gums? - There's a ton of cash in there.

You kidding me? We've come this far for bubble gums?

- For bubble gums? - Your phone is ringing.

Pick up for me.

Hello?

It's Jeanne, Jennifer Marshall's friend. We met at Paramount.

- The yellow car. - What?

I have to get into a private party tonight.

I don't care.

I have to get into this party to recover Jennifer Marshall's sex tape.

I don't give a shit. I'm busy.

Hang up.

Really nice.

How much would the sex tape cost?

I don't know. 100,000 dollars.

How much would I get for Jennifer Marshall's sex tape?

100,000 dollars.

Hey.

Don't we say hello?

Don't we say goodbye?

Thank you. You're a life saver.

I have to get the tape back.

- I'm with you. - Okay.

What do we do with it?

- I'll give it back to Jennifer. - Yes.

I don't want it to circulate. That'd be terrible for her.

Terrible.

How could someone do that to a woman? It's obscene, vulgar.

There are bastards that exploit people's privacy. Disgusting.

Don't worry. We're going to help little Jenny.

You're squinting.

- Where? - You squint.

- Where? - Your face.

- No. - Yes, you're like that.

My grandmother has the same disease.

- Not at all. - You do.

That's because I was daydreaming.

How do we do it?

Let me get in, I'll help you.

- Okay? - Go ahead.

Damn it! Cats!

Nice kitty…

Kitty?

What's that?

Hyenas!

Fucking hyenas!

You're starting to annoy me, hyenas.

Now it's starting to piss me off, hyenas.

No need to growl like that.

Why growling?

Let's sit down.

Let's sit down.

There you go.

Now we're sitting.

Now that we've done that,

we take the next step:

sleep.

Oh, it's big.

Oh my! Those can hurt people, madam.

These are normal.

Go to sleep, Colas my wee hyena

Go to sleep, you'll have…

Rabbit

Mommy's upstairs, making some turkey

Daddy's downstairs, making…

Gazelle stew

It's enough! Go to bed!

Stop that!

It's enough! Go to bed!

Miller, you're sleeping

Your mill, your mill

Your mill spins too quickly

Miller, you're sleeping

Your mill…

Excuse me.

Mike, we need to talk. I'm Jeanne, Jennifer Marshall's friend.

- A friend of Jennifer's? - Yes.

Damn it… Go away!

Sorry again. Mike, you don't understand.

We both want the same thing: That she continues the series.

What do you get out of it?

The same thing as you. If she works again, I work again.

I'll explain. Trust me.

She'll never work with me again.

She hates me.

She flipped out.

No, she didn't flip out!

If you give her the sex tape back, she'll forgive you.

Yeah. I'd like that.

But there's a small problem.

I no longer have the tape.

What an idiot.

I sold it for $50,000 to Jery Flash.

Give him his money back and recover the tape.

I don't have it anymore, damn!

"Jeanne."

So, how can I meet Jery Flash?

He's shooting at Villa Bonita.

Is he an actor?

Oh, yeah.

What's the movie called?

- Cheerleader 3. - Cheerleader 3?

Where were you all this time?

I handled it myself, thanks!

Do you have the sex tape?

No. He sold it to Jery Flash.

What did you do?

- Cats. - What?

I had never seen this kind of cats before.

Where?

- They're coming. Quick! - No, they're not. It's over.

It's perfect. I hate it. Impeccable.

Happy? I don't think so.

On the contrary. He looked very sad.

He was all alone.

Alone, curled up in his corner.

Sad about the rupture.

- Are you kidding me? - I promise.

He said,

"Why did I do that?" "I never should have."

"Jennifer's the love of my life." "I'm an asshole." That's what he said.

No more sex tape. He destroyed it in front of my eyes.

He destroyed it. He trampled on it.

It's over.

I think that…

Of course!

I can't believe this.

Oops. I think I left my headlights on.

Yeah.

I'll be right back.

Hello, Mike?

- Yeah. - It's Jeanne. Can you do something now?

- Okay. - Send a text to Jennifer.

What should I send her?

Well, I don't know, you can write,

"I can't sleep, I keep thinking about you."

"I miss you."

Patati patata.

You think your toy's scaring me?

What the hell!

- I've been waiting for you! - Sorry.

- They don't like Arabs with big bags here. - A Pakistani shot me!

- It's all here? - Yes.

- Thank you. - No worries.

Thank you, really.

No worries, really.

Let's go. Come here, I'm telling you!

I don't want to go anymore.

I'm ridiculous. Look at me.

- You're fine. - Forget it.

And if someones finds Jennifer's sex tape?

Imagine the disaster!

- Push! - I can't.

Push!

Push!

Ouch! You twisted my nose!

It was already twisted. Don't start…

- Come on, quick! And hurry. - Yes.

- Hi. - Hello.

- You got it? - No.

- No sex tape? - No!

All this was for nothing? You're such an idiot.

It was a porn shooting. There are limits!

Where were you born? In Dumbass Land?

- What's going on in your Romanian head? - All right! Why are you that upset?

I've something important to do. I can't stay. Thank you.

Gang bang…

To hell with your gang bang.

No. I want to walk all the way.

I want to be in front of the sea, feeling iodine and seafood.

Oh no! Someone's ruining the landscape!

Incredible coincidence. Incredible!

Oh my God! Man overboard!

- What? - A man's drowning!

- I'm going. - No!

There are storms and shipwrecks!

- You're crazy! - It's cold!

Let me go.

The muscles on him. He's strong!

Oh, my! He's risking his life for a stranger.

- Incredible. - Oh my God.

He handles him lightly.

- He's not breathing. He's dead. - No!

- We'll save him! - Okay!

Fucking wake up!

Wake up!

Farres?

5,000 dollars a room, and they don't even take my bags upstairs!

It's absurd!

I'm going back to France. My plan worked. They're back together.

Once she signs her contract, I'm leaving.

- Awesome. - Please.

- You finally made it. - My luggage, please!

I can't believe it. It's…

Right? They…

Give me five minutes?

- It's just… - Yeah.

It's been two years.

A friend told me about a visual effects company.

- That he'd get me a job. - Yes.

Nothing. He played me.

The jerk's dressed as Casper on the Walk of Fame.

Go back to France.

Come to my house if you need a place to crash.

I have a guest room… I mean, I have a sofa.

A sofa bed. For friends.

A sofa bed for friends?

It's very enticing.

Yes.

Your squint's coming back.

You're annoying! I don't have a squint.

I'm gonna stay stuck.

It's okay to have a squint.

- It's treatable with medication. - I have no squint!

Maybe you're the one that's squinting!

You can thank Jeanne.

Perfect.

It's my understanding, yes.

Great. Awesome.

No worries. You're welcome.

I'm sickening, Farres.

I've been lying to her from the beginning.

And she thinks the sex tape is gone.

Listen…

- I have to tell her everything. - No.

I'm gonna confess everything and go back to France.

It's ridiculous.

Jennifer, it's Jeanne.

He's an asshole. I'm waiting for you at your place.

I'm waiting for you.

And above all, why is the gardener holed up at our place all day?

And patati and patata.

- Out of my house. - Let me explain.

- Get the fuck out! - He's not a good guy!

I swear.

That's it.

How much do I owe you?

Shit!

It's a pity you're leaving today. I was planning on partying.

I don't really want to.

Nothing to celebrate.

- I'd like to tell you something. - Is that so?

I'm listening.

So?

- What was that? - It's nothing!

- Nothing? We're being shot at! - Shut up!

- It's Jery Flash, stop! - Pull over!

- Don't touch it! - Give me the fucking tape!

Now!

Stop shooting at us!

You're completely insane!

No way I'm staying in this car!

Stop here.

They won't come for us here.

Scary country. Second time I've been shot at since I'm here.

Their morals are… Or they don't like windshields.

Americans hate windshields. They're shooting at all the windshields.

It's a tradition, like Thanksgiving or the Super Bowl.

But why was he shooting at us?

- Here. - Why him? Why me?

He couldn't recognize me.

Especially since I didn't steal the tape from him.

It's beautiful. Look.

It's very beautiful.

From Mulholland Drive to…

Farres. Was he following you?

Was he following you?

Farres, tell me you didn't.

Tell me you didn't steal this fucking tape.

- You couldn't have done this to me. - No.

Did you steal it?

No, I didn't.

You did! That's why he shot at us!

- He shot at the windshield. - Behind my back?

- Why did you? - I didn't.

You knew what it meant to me!

It was for the money. You disgust me! You used me!

- You're a loser. - What?

A loser! Yeah!

- Don't say that. - Oh, please!

I never insulted you!

- Don't call me that! - Yes, I am!

- I stole the sex tape! - I knew it!

- I was only doing you a favor! - A favor?

Thank you! You're just a thief.

- A what? - A thief!

- Don't say that! - You're a thief!

I'm not a thief.

Jeanne, I have…

Forget it.

You're screwed.

Don't exaggerate.

We have nothing against you.

Hey…

- Please, guys… - Thanks to me.

- Finally! Hutch is waking up. - Okay.

- Nothing to do with it. - I'm insured.

I have liability insurance.

Let go of me!

Let me go!

Do you know who I am? You're gonna end up at traffic.

- You-- - Quiet!

You're gonna end up at traffic.

Open the door!

Open the door!

Hello.

- Open the door! - Shut up!

What's Pocahontas saying?

I'm very crazy.

The last time someone talked to me like that…

Jeanne!

What happened to you?

I don't know. Someone paid my bail.

Your hair. You look like Kirikou.

You're the one who… paid my bail?

Farres, it's Jeanne, again.

I can't reach you. I've called you ten times.

Where are you? I'm leaving now. I'm at the airport. Please call me back.

In France, I'm nothing without my voice.

You're a very good stylist.

Stylist? No!

Excuse me. My seat's right here.

- May I? It's my seat. - Yes.

Here.

- Do you mind if we switch seats? - Yes. We're together.

Yes, I do mind.

Please, we'd like to sit next to each other.

I'm happy for you.

But I bought a seat with a number.

16E.

It's here, so I'm staying.

It doesn't make any difference. We want to sit side by side.

- That'd be nice. - It's not that inconvenient for you.

In what language should I speak?

There you go.

You're going to--

- Where are you going? - Paris.

Same.

I'm going to a friend's house.

She has a sofa bed.

Watch out. I'm looking for the belt.

She…

She is…

Excuse me. Is she nice?

She's unbearable.

But…

I'm in love.

- You… what? - He's in love!

Because I…

I'm going to squint.

Okay then, wait.

I'm going to pee.

That'll give you 1.10 minutes to neck.

But when I come back, I'm watching a movie.

Sorry. Excuse me.