Original subtitles

Mmm. What do have we here?

Ooh, a fresh construction site.

Time to give these lunch box Charlies

something to look at while they're drinking their RC Colas

and eating their moon pies.

It's go time.

Violate me with your words, boys.

Oh, man, that reminds me.

I got to call my mama this weekend.

Maybe they didn't see me.

Let me give them another taste.

Oh, I know what this is.

They're afraid of a lawsuit.

I give you my consent.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, look at this cheerleader.

Okay, find your own way down, then.

Don't mind me.

My once hypnotic buns have lost their magic.

-What now, Mother? -Used to be construction workers

couldn't take their eyes off me.

I used to be the reason nothing got built in this town.

They were too distracted.

Aw, come on, Betty. You look great.

Don't give me your pity compliments.

I know I've gained a few wisdom pounds.

But does that make me invisible?

Ugh, I need a drink.

Stealing from a construction site

and now you're gerbling wine?

Brenda. I shook my cans and my caboose

in front of a girder full of construction workers

and got nothing.

No catcalls, no wolf whistles.

-No a-roogahs. -No shake-its? No break-its?

Not even one "Took your mama that long to make it."

Total silence.

Well, it's all over.

May as well eat this full tray of monkey bread

and start the process of fully letting myself go.

No, no, no. Don't pull the pin on that monkey bread grenade.

You know what I do when I'm needing a little body tune-up?

I head to a Pound Pinchers meeting.

Oh, come on, Brenda.

I don't want to sit in a circle of fat losers

pining for a candy bar like it's Jason Momoa.

But don't you get it? That's a real ego boost.

Nothing makes you feel better about yourself

than sitting amongst a gaggle of chunky desperados.

Oh, yeah. I guess I would look like Claudia Swiffers

compared to those uggos.

But I am gonna hide this monkey bread from my family

just in case this whole plan is a bust. Oof.

Doo, doo-doo-doo.

Hola, Jenny.

How was your vacation, Louise?

Well, Daniel had to come back early for a businessman thing.

But it wasn't sad at all, Jenny.

I liked being alone in Mexico on my tenth anniversary.

Anyways, Jenny,

you know what I noticed when I was driving myself home

from the airport late last night?

The Waffle House had a ton of customers,

and we had no customers.

Maybe 'cause we were closed?

That's right, y'all. Look at you, smarty.

So starting next week, The Last Supper's

gonna be open all night.

-As in 24 hours? -Yeah, silly.

And you get to be our new night manager.

-Doo, doo-doo-doo.

For the same money. Doo-doo.

These meetings are a "what, what" factory.

Compliments for days.

Look at you in those jeans.

Wow-ee, looks like Mary is down another five pounds.

Go on, show us that hot bod.

Leader lady. Ooh, over here.

-We're ready to strut. -Oh, right.

We have some newcomers.

-Oh, hello. -Hi.

Okay. Welcome, ladies.

Come on up and step on the scale.

Why don't we just skip the scale

and get to the complimentary hoots and hollers?

Oh, you'll get lots of compliments

when you start getting down to your healthier weight.

Huh?

Now why don't you get some steps in

on the way to the scale?

Oh I'm gonna get my steps in, later,

when I'm doing the Riverdance on your face.

It's just such a bad idea. The Last Supper open late?

You guys are already pushing the limits

on how long you can keep a piece of flounder under a heat lamp.

Right? That's why I told Louise "Hell no."

I mean, the words were more along the lines

of "Sure, I'll think about it," but there was definitely

-a real "hell no" vibe to it. Good.

I mean, the night shift is no place for a lady---

Uh-oh...

Uh...

Wait, what did you just say?

I'm capturing the look-- the look of a man

seconds before he loses everything.

I'm just saying, women are a little more

physically vulnerable than men.

Look, Wayne, it's you. And that poo pile

is all your words and thoughts.

You think ladies can't be night managers?

Okay, that is not what I said.

I'm just saying the freaks come out at night.

Ha, ha, just like that song by Whodini.

Mm. Amazing pivot.

But it's what you meant.

And for the record, I can handle it.

My Lord, you're stubborn.

When? When have I ever been stubborn? When?

Jenny, your check engine light means check the engine.

I know when my check engine light

is serious and when it isn't.

Jenny, don't be stubborn.

We're not gonna make it to Charlotte.

I don't even see that.

-Guess who made it to Charlotte?

This bitch.

Oh, I just want to give him one grape.

-Lions don't even eat grapes.

Guess who proved lions like grapes?

This bitch... Ouch!

Oh, my God, what did she do?

I reminded her she that she is allergic to cauliflower,

so she ate a tray of roasted cauliflower.

Guess who just saw God?

This bitch.

Jenny, you have a history of putting your life in danger

-just to be right. -No, I don't.

And guess who's taking the night manager job.

"This bitch"? -This bitch.

Aw, you two. I'm so glad you came back.

The second meeting is the most important one.

Now let's hop on that scale. Come on.

-Hey, Leigh-Ann,

could you just give my friend Betty here

a couple of golf claps?

She just needs a little bit of kudos.

-You know, just a kude? -Please?

Well, hop on that scale,

and let's see if those numbers are kude-worthy.

Wow, okay. Looks like we're up three pounds,

which is a lot for one day.

Leigh-Ann, I went home last meeting with zero claps,

zero back pats and zero "You go, girls."

You basically pushed me right into the comforting arms

of a kiddie pool-size tray of monkey bread

and a rain barrel of full-fat eggnog.

-That's not safe. -Not even Christmas.

All right, on to better news.

Danica just lost her 15th pound.

Big bravo moment, y'all.

-Big whoop. -This blows.

15.3.

And I put my pre-baby khakis back on, y'all.

-Okay, okay. Bravo, I-I guess.

But let's talk about those pants.

Honey, those khakis are far too thick

to get a decent camel toe going.

Yeah, Danica. Why are you so excited

about squeezing into a UPS uniform?

Men should be delivering you their package.

Y'all are so right.

Oh, do me, do me.

Things never once heard in Larry's bedroom

for 500, Alex.

Okay. O-Okay, everybody.

Let's calm down. Who hasn't weighed in yet?

Weigh in? I'm looking for a way out.

Just like Larry's husband.

-It's true.

It's true. I mean, we're in therapy.

Screw dropping pounds.

Losing weight will never feel as good as this.

Oh, Wayne, look at me.

I'm a girl, and I'm running this restaurant at night.

I'm so scared...

-Aah! -Aah! Jesus, you snuck up on me.

Are you wearing a moisturizing sheet mask?

Well, you don't keep this baby face

for 2,000 years without a little help.

So, night manager, huh? You sure you can handle it?

Why does everyone keep saying that?

Because night people are a little scary.

Remember that song by Whodini?

♪ The freaks come out at night ♪

♪ The freaks come out at night... ♪

I can handle the night freaks.

Plus, don't forget Benny's in the back.

♪ Oh, Lord ♪

♪ All this self-hating... ♪

Benny. Benny.

He's working.

Okay, well, night hours begin right now.

24 hours, my babies.

Now I can basically live here.

Oh, no, Randy, absolutely not. No, no, no.

You got to be a paying customer.

I'll have one hushpuppy please.

And now that I'm a paying customer,

night, night, everybody.

And I should warn you now, I am a sleep screamer.

Meaning, I have to scream myself to sleep.

Sir? Uh, we don't allow dogs here.

-Perfect. This is a wolf.

Excuse me, sir?

You can't come in here without a shirt.

But can I at least do the drugs

I stole from CVS?

No. You got to put a shirt on, or you are out of here.

♪ You couldn't find a good freak anywhere... ♪

Boom, say hello to my shirt.

Sir, sir, you cannot drive your baby motorcycle in here.

It's street legal!

This is not a street. This is the inside of a restaurant.

Watch this.

Oh, my God, what have I done?

We got us a howl going, babies.

♪ The freaks come out at night ♪

♪ The freaks come out at night. ♪

Morning. Made you some breakfast.

-Aah! -Oh, God! -Mom!

I'm sorry, Wayne.

Sorry, Vi. Hi.

A little on edge from last night?

Me? No way.

So stubborn.

I'm not stubborn or on edge. I'm amped.

Amped up from how much calm fun I had

with all my new chill friends.

So it was fun and chill?

Oh, yeah. Well, the night crowd is actually

really sophisticated and cool.

Lot of book clubs. People come out of art house movies

and having philosophical discussions.

Wow, The Last Supper at night

is like being transported to 1920s Paris.

And why do you have a bunch of Band-Aids on your arm?

Oh, that? Oh, I just got caught in a little crossfire

between two rapscallions

named Mista Apocalypse and Eddie Toilet.

Two nighttime regulars,

just having a friendly little oil fight.

Kind of like a fancy duel. It's like Hamilton, really.

Eddie Toilet's oil fight was like Hamilton?

Uh... uh-huh.

do you think a wolf could bite through this?

There he is.

Well rested 'cause we know he wasn't getting busy last night.

Good one, Betty.

Oh. Where are those khakis, girl?

I hope they're hanging on some trucker's bedpost.

How'd you know?

Can I have a word with you two?

This meeting is not about your comedy,

it's about losing weight.

So could you please just cool it?

-It's really distracting. Betty? Brenda?

We got your stage all set up.

Well, sorry, Leigh-Ann,

we got to give the people what they want.

-There's my girl, Chica Seat.

Why is she called Chica Seat?

‘Cause when she sits, it's a cheek a seat.

I don't think I can wait until the next Pound Pinchers meeting

to get another chuckle fix.

A whole week? Uh-uh.

I'm gonna need me some giggles before then.

Time to take this show on the road.

Y'all ever notice how sober people walk like this?

"Bartender, I'll have a glass of boring

-on the rocks."

And drunk people are all walking like this.

After-party's at my house.

Give me my car keys. I'm fine.

Attention, original cast of Cocoon,

it's time for some bingo.

B4, as in I hope somebody wins

before this old biddy kicks the bucket.

-Did she just die?

Bingo!

-We killed. -Literally.

Hey, man, what are you doing here?

Uh, nothing. I-I'm just spying on a waitress.

Me, too. -Get out of here, freak.

Oh, my Lord, that girl needs my help

whether she wants it or not.

Okay. Fingernail Guy needs more salt for his pentagram.

Distraught Woman Wearing Pajamas wants another order

of her kidnapped son's favorite pancakes.

-Mayo Guy wants more mayo.

Classic Mayo Guy.

And Randy is probably due for another scream in three, two...

I'm lucid dreaming, baby.

And it's sexual in nature.

Oh, hi, didn't see you come in.

Uh, yeah, I'm just looking

to get a chicken sandwich.

Or maybe a hot dog or street pretzel.

Oh!

This is a fish restaurant. And what's your name, sir?

Uh, Dwayne... I'm Walking Here.

Your name is "Dwayne I'm Walking Here"?

Damn it, Wayne. I can handle this.

Stop trying to be right, Jenny. You clearly need help.

Did you pierce your ear for this disguise?

No.

Oh, God, The pain.

I don't need your help.

Please let me kick out that guy

who I'm pretty sure is O.J. Simpson.

What are you talking about? These are my people.

Hey, Eddie Toilet, let me get a ride on that thing.

-Okay, maybe later.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have a very friendly-looking customer to attend to.

Table for one?

Oh, I'm not gonna need a table.

I'm just gonna need all your money.

Okay, lady, this is a holdup.

Oh. Shh, shh. Shh, shh, shh.

Wait. You're shushing a person pointing a gun at you?

Okay, all right, I'm gonna get you that money,

but let me tell you what's going on here.

That man over there is my boyfriend,

and he thought this was gonna be dangerous

for me to take this night job.

And I was like, "What?! No, it's not."

So if he finds out you're robbing me,

I'm gonna be on the business end

of a major "I told you so" situation.

Oh, I hear that. My old man told me

I was never gonna be able to do a stick-up

on my own, and here I am.

And where is he? In the burn unit,

getting skin grafts 'cause I poured a pot

of hot grits on his head. Boom.

Okay, so you... get it.

All right, I'll play along,

but one wrong move, and you're worm food.

Actually, Worm Food is the one standing over there

-with Mista Apocalypse.

Hi! But, yeah, uh, point taken.

♪ The freaks come out at night ♪

-♪ The freaks come out at night ♪

♪ Discos don't open till after dark ♪

♪ And it ain't till 12:00 till the party really starts ♪

♪ And I always had to be home by 10:00 ♪

♪ Right before the fun was about to begin ♪

♪ Crowds of people lined up inside and out ♪

♪ Just one reason-- to rock the house ♪

♪ The freaks come out at night ♪

♪ The freaks come out at night. ♪

How y'all doing?

Good! How y'all doing?

Well, I'll tell ya, honey.

I'm hot, delicious, and I can get there

in 30 minutes or less.

Brenda Pizza, I finally perfected my theory

of snack-a-tivity.

Oh, what's that, Dr. Pastarelli?

E equals me see pizza!

-See you next time.

Hey-oh!

Ladies, I never want to see you again.

And I've spoken to the City of Greenpoint,

and you are banned from every meeting in this building.

-What? -Why?

These are self-help meetings, not comedy clubs.

And frankly, your jokes are better

when they were a little more off-the-cuff.

-Excuse me? -Your act is all over the place.

you're a giant piece of pizza,

and you're dressed like Albert Einstein,

but you're calling yourself Dr. Pastarelli?

You-you've got too many ideas going on here.

-I told you! -Just, please, get out.

Here are your fish and chips

with a side of collard greens.

Psst! Mr. Toilet, she's got a gun.

Oh, snap. -You gather the others,

and on three, we'll bum-rush her.

Toilet's on it.

-One, two...

Everybody on the Toilet!

-No!

I'm tired of this game.

This is a robbery!

Okay, yes, it is, but it's not a big deal

'cause I am handling it!

Whatever it is, I'm gonna need what's in your wallets.

And those earrings, too.

Were you seriously trying to hide a robbery

just to avoid being wrong?

I just wanted to keep you safe!

Oh, big male savior.

Ugh. He's one of those types. Just like my ex.

I'm serious, Beverly. He is nonstop.

These are so cute.

-Where'd you get these? -Guess.

-Don't bond with her! She's robbing you! -I'll bond

with whoever I want to. Costco.

Shut the fudge. They got jewelry now?

I'm gonna have to rob them next. I'll steal something for ya.

Oh, Bev, that is so sweet.

Jenny, stop bonding with her.

It's what got us into this mess.

Well, it's about to get a whole lot messier.

-Grab the gun!

Hang on, Randy.

I don't want to be accused of "man-saving."

Jenny, maybe you should pick up the gun.

With these girl arms?

Jenny, just admit that I was right

about this job being dangerous.

Not until you admit you backseat-drive me all the time.

Why are you so stubborn?!

Well, maybe I get stubborn because it sucks

when your own boyfriend keeps cutting you down

and telling you you can't handle yourself.

Jenny... I never thought you couldn't handle yourself!

It's that I couldn't handle it if anything happened to you.

Ow!

Well, damn it, Wayne, guess who loves you.

This bitch.

-Sounds like a real breakthrough,

but Randy's cramping up.

And if anyone were to walk in on this with no context,

Randy would look like the bad guy here.

Aah! Look out!

The mother opossum is getting the gun!

-Oh, God. No, no, no, no.

-Don't shoot. Don't shoot. -Hey, dummies, everybody,

can it.

Okay, everything in my gut is telling me to kill all y'all.

Just paint the walls!

Do something so gross

that they make a true crime podcast about me.

But Jenny,

I like you, so I'm just gonna take my money and get out.

And I want you to have these back.

No, you keep one, and I keep one.

Aw, friendship earrings!

What the hell is happening?

Now put your snoots on the floor and count to 50.

Uh, uh, uh. Not you, my little gumby monkey.

You're coming with me.

Looks like somebody just got a place to sleep.

Oh, sleeping's not on the menu tonight, shug.

Fear-sex it is, my babies.

Mom, shouldn't you be getting ready for work?

Oh, Louise cancelled the whole 24-hour thing

after she found a dog bowl of loose teeth on her desk.

Dog teeth or human?

-Good question. It was a mix. -I love that. -Oh, gross!

What happened with Pound Pinchers?

Oh, we got kicked out

for distracting chunk-a-doos with too many tee-hees.

Damn it, there has got to be another place in this town

where two women can flaunt the gifts

that God gave them to a desperate audience.

Y'all look at this buffet.

Mac and cheese, biscuits and gravy.

Chicken fried steak?

Heart attack row.

Buffet now, defibu-later.

Look at big-belly Bud over there.

His belt buckle's over there going, "I can't hold it!"

I don't know how they're getting such a great reaction

with their tops on, but I'll take it.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH