Original subtitles

[MAN] IT’S TIME LIKE THIS THAT I REALIZE LIFE

IS SIMPLY ABOUT PEOPLE AND CHOICES;

AND, OF COURSE, TIMING.

WE MAKE DECISIONS ALL OF THE TIME,

THOUGH UNDERSTANDING WHEN TO IMPLEMENT THEM

CAN CHANGE OUR WORLD TOTALLY.

AS IT HAPPENS,

I’D BEEN WAITING TWO YEARS.

I’D BEEN WAITING FOR THE RIGHT CERTIFICATE TO POP THROUGH MY LETTER BOX.

IF THAT HAPPENED TODAY,

I’D HAVE TWO WEEKS TO SORT OUT THE REST OF MY LIFE.

[DOOR BELL RINGING]

[♪♪]

THANKS, MATE.

♪ YOU SEE A SHRINK TWICE A WEEK BECAUSE OF ISSUES WITH YOUR DADDY ♪

♪ I GOT OCD AND ADD AND YOU’RE A SCHIZOPHRENIC ♪

♪ WE GOT THERAPY CLASSES THROUGH THE AFTER HOURS CLINIC ♪

♪ WE’RE ON A COLLISION COURSE, BABY ♪...

OH, SHIT.

THIS IS IT.

♪ WE’RE AN ACCIDENT WAITING TO HAPPEN ♪

♪ WE’RE AN ACCIDENT WAITING TO HAPPEN ♪

♪ WE’RE AN ACCIDENT WAITING TO HAPPEN ♪...

YEAH, MR. ROTHBOTTOM, PLEASE.

YEAH, I’LL WAIT.

AH, YES, MR. ROTHBOTTOM.

DANNY WEATHERILL HERE.

YEAH, EXACTLY. THAT’S WHY I’M CALLING.

I HAVE JUST RECEIVED MY DECREE ABSOLUTE.

THAT’S RIGHT.

NOW I’M OFFICIALLY DIVORCED,

SO I’M GOING TO GET MARRIED AGAIN.

WELL, YOU ONLY HAVE TWO WEEKS

BEFORE THE TERMS OF YOUR FATHER’S WILL EXPIRES,

WHICH MEANS, YOU WILL NEED TO BE MARRIED

BY...

TWO WEEKS TODAY, FRIDAY.

AND, YOU SEE, WE DON’T THINK THAT A SAME SEX MARRIAGE

IS QUITE THE SAME THING.

WELL, IT’S UP TO THE LAW.

AND THE LAW QUITE CLEARLY SAYS

I CAN COMMIT TO THE HUSBAND OF MY DREAMS AND IT’S ALL LEGAL.

WELL--

I’LL HAVE THE CERTIFICATE FAXED TO YOUR OFFICE IN TWO WEEKS.

I TRUST THAT WILL BE SUFFICIENT TO RELEASE MY FAMILY HERITAGE BACK TO ME.

WELL--

GOOD. THANKS, MR. ROTHBOTTOM.

IT’S ALL IN HAND.

AND I’LL SPEAK TO YOU VERY SOON.

GOOD BYE.

GOT IT!

[♪♪]

[VOICE OF DANNY] LOOKING FOR THE MAN OF MY DREAMS.

OPEN TO ALL AGES AND TYPES.

HEY, FLORIAN.

DID YOU GET YOUR INVITE?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHY DIDN’T I ASK YOU FIRST?

AS IF I WOULD CHOOSE YOU TO--

LISTEN, EVEN IF HE HADN’T HAVE LEFT ME,

I WOULDN’T BE USING YOU TO SELECT THE NEXT MAN OF MY DREAMS.

NO.

OH, YEAH?

NO WAY!

I HAVE 269 MESSAGES.

I’LL CALL YOU BACK.

[WHISTLING]

THIS IS GONNA TAKE A WHILE.

[♪♪]

AND YOU CAN MEET ME TOMORROW

AT ZENA’S AT 4:00 P.M.

[♪♪]

OH... WOW!

HI, GUYS.

UM... THANKS FOR COMING.

GOTTA BE ORGANIZED, RIGHT?

SO... I THOUGHT WE’D DO,

LIKE, FIVE MINUTES EACH, KIND OF SPEED DATING STYLE.

AND WHEN WE’RE DONE, YOU’RE FREE TO LEAVE.

OH, AND IF YOU DON’T MIND,

I’M GONNA MAKE A FEW NOTES.

I’LL LET YOU KNOW IN A COUPLE OF DAYS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

THAT OKAY?

GOOD.

HERE WE GO THEN.

♪ YOU TELL ME WHAT TO SAY, AND IT’S GETTING OUT OF HAND ♪

♪ YOU’RE JUST GETTING IN MY WAY, AND YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME ♪...

DO YOU SMOKE?

♪ NOTHING YOU CAN DO, DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO DO ♪

ARE YOU DRUNK?

♪ ’CAUSE YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME ♪

DID YOUR GRANDMA KNIT THAT FOR YOU? YEAH.

WHAT, ARE YOU NERVOUS?

♪ DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, EVERYBODY’S GOING DOWN ♪

I’M BILLY.

I’M SELF-EMPLOYED,

IN SALES.

I HAVE MY OWN PLACE. I’M SINGLE.

AND I WANT TO GIVE IT A GO.

GOT IT.

♪ EVERYBODY’S GOING DOWN, WHEN YOU HEAR THAT FUNKY BEAT, IT IS THE SOUND ♪

I... JUST WANNA BE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE.

NO STRESS, NO LIES.

JUST LOVE.

WELL, THAT’S A START.

♪ CAN I PLEASE JUST GO AND GO ♪

♪ AND I COULD JUST DRINK THAT FLOW ♪

♪ ALL YOU REALLY LET ME KNOW ♪

♪ DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HURT ME ♪

♪ ALL I WANT IS TO ♪

♪ BRING YOU ♪

♪ DOWN ♪

♪ DOWN, DOWN, DOWN, EVERYBODY’S GOING DOWN ♪

♪ IF YOU CAN’T KEEP UP ♪

♪ YOU’LL HIT THE GROUND ♪

TICK, TICK, TICK.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

HI. GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

UH, COME IN.

WOW...

UM, THIS ISN’T QUITE WHAT I HAD IN MIND.

♪ OH, WOW ♪

♪ OH, WOW ♪

♪ THIS THE WAY THEY’RE GOING TO GET ME ♪

WHAT, YOU CAN’T DO THIS WITHOUT ALCOHOL?

[SIGHING]

[♪♪]

I WOULDN’T KNOW WHERE TO START WITH

SOMETHING THAT BIG, TO BE HONEST.

♪ OH, WOW ♪

♪ OH, WOW ♪

♪ THIS THE WAY THEY’RE GOING TO GET ME ♪

HI, GUYS.

WE’RE DOWN TO THE FINAL FEW.

PLEASE ARRIVE TOMORROW AFTERNOON,

THURSDAY, BY 5:00 P.M.

AT NORTHCOTE MANOR.

PLEASE DO BRING YOUR CLOSE FAMILY,

IN CASE YOU ARE THE SUCCESSFUL APPLICANT.

FAMILY IS A REQUIREMENT

TO MAKE IT ALL OFFICIAL.

YOU ARE, OF COURSE, INVITED TO THE WEDDING

EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT THE LUCKY GUY.

I’M JUST THINKING OUT LOUD,

BUT YOU MIGHT NOT WANT TO TELL YOUR FAMILY UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE

WHAT’S GOING ON.

DISAPPOINTMENT CAN BE HARD ON US ALL.

LOVE, DANNY.

SEND.

♪ OH, WOW ♪

♪ OH, WOW ♪

♪ OH, WOW ♪

♪ THIS THE WAY THEY’RE GOING TO GET ME ♪

♪ OH, WOW ♪

♪ OH, WOW ♪

♪ OH, WOW ♪

♪ THIS THE WAY THEY’RE GOING TO GET ME ♪

♪ BAM, BAM, BAM OR MAYBE INSIDE, I KNOW I’M ON SIDE ♪

[DANNY] SO, THIS WAS IT.

THE LAST 24 HOURS TO OBTAIN WHAT IS RIGHTLY MINE

UNDER MY FATHER’S WILL.

THE OPPORTUNITY TO REGAIN MY FAMILY HERITAGE.

I’D INVITED A FEW CLOSE FRIENDS, NO FAMILY,

AND I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

BESIDES, THIS PART WAS GOING TO BE EASY.

HEY, TRACIE.

HEY, MISTER.

UH, WHERE’S...

OH...

I GUESS I BETTER GO BACK AND GET HIM.

I’LL SEE YOU LATER.

♪ IF YOU WANT IT ALL, THEN YOU’VE GOT TO BE A CERTAIN TYPE ♪

♪ FORGET ABOUT BEING ME ♪

♪ FORGET YOUR IDENTITY ♪

♪ AND IF YOU WANT TO BE SEEN, THEN YOU’VE GOT TO BE ♪

♪ THE RIGHT SIZE ♪

♪ IF YOU YOU GO UNDER THE KNIFE ♪

♪ THEN YOU’LL HAVE THE HAPPY LIFE ♪

♪ NOW IT SURPRISES ME ♪

♪ YOU’RE CONVINCED EASILY ♪

♪ IN TIMES OF NEED, SHE TURNS TO READ ♪

♪ HOW SHE’S INADEQUATE AND ♪

♪ HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU BEFORE ♪

♪ YOU WANT THIS POISON MORE AND MORE ♪

♪ AS SHE GOES DOWN ♪

♪ ONTO HER KNEES ♪

♪ BUT SHE’S GOT NOTHING LEFT TO HEAVE ♪

♪ SHE FELT THE BANGING THROUGH THE FLOOR ♪

♪ A CRYING LOVED ONE AT THE DOOR ♪

♪ AND IF YOU WANT IT ALL ♪

♪ THEN YOU BETTER WIN THE FIGHT ♪

♪ FORGET ABOUT MAGAZINES ♪

♪ FORGET YOUR CELEBRITIES ♪

♪ AND IF YOU MEET SOMEONE ♪

♪ GIVE IT TIME ♪

♪ YOU MIGHT JUST FIND SOME PEACE OF MIND ♪

♪ IF I’VE TOLD YOU ONCE THEN I’VE TOLD YOU TWICE ♪

♪ YOU’VE GOT TO GET A HOLD ON LIFE ♪

♪ NOW IT ♪

♪ SURPRISES ME ♪

♪ YOU’RE CONVINCED EASILY ♪...

THANKS. YOU’RE WELCOME.

♪ HOW SHE’S INADEQUATE AND ♪

♪ HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU BEFORE ♪...

THAT’S YOUR KEY.

♪ AS SHE GOES DOWN ONTO HER KNEES ♪

♪ BUT SHE’S GOT NOTHING LEFT TO HEAVE ♪

♪ SHE FELT THE BANGING ♪

♪ THROUGH THE FLOOR ♪

♪ A CRYING LOVED ONE AT THE DOOR ♪

[♪♪]

HELLO.

WEATHERILL IS THE NAME.

[♪♪]

♪ NOW IT SURPRISES ME ♪

♪ YOU’RE CONVINCED ♪

♪ EASILY ♪

♪ NOW IT ♪

♪ SURPRISES ME ♪

♪ YOU’RE CONVINCED EASILY ♪

♪ IN TIMES OF NEED, SHE TURNS TO READ ♪

♪ HOW SHE’S INADEQUATE AND ♪

♪ HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU BEFORE ♪

♪ YOU WANT THIS POISON MORE AND MORE ♪

♪ AS SHE GOES DOWN ONTO HER KNEES ♪

♪ BUT SHE’S GOT NOTHING LEFT TO HEAVE ♪

♪ SHE FELT THE BANGING THROUGH THE FLOOR ♪

♪ A CRYING LOVED ONE ♪

♪ AT THE DOOR... ♪

IS IT A KING-SIZE BED?

YES, SIR, IT IS.

I’LL BE BACK IF IT ISN’T, YOU KNOW.

AND YOUR KEY, SIR.

[♪♪]

♪ EVERY NIGHT ♪

♪ I HEAR YOU SOFTLY SWAYING ♪

♪ DEEP INSIDE ♪

♪ OF MY HEART ♪

♪ OPEN WIDE ♪

♪ ALL DEFENSES LAID ASIDE ♪

♪ LOVE IS COMING THROUGH ♪

♪ YOU GOT TO ♪

♪ HOLD ON TILL THE MORNING LIGHT ♪

♪ HOLD ON ♪...

OH, GUYS, WE NEED THE CHAIRS NOW, PLEASE,

OH! ARE YOU DANNY?

THERE YOU ARE.

HI, GILLIAN.

SO, ARE YOU ALL SET?

UM, I THINK SO.

I GUESS IT’S ALL HAPPENING.

YES.

TOMORROW MR. AND MR. WEATHERILL WILL BE MIN--

MARCHING DOWN THE AISLE.

SO, WHERE IS THE LUCKY... MAN?

DANNY.

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

YOU BIG TART.

SLUT.

UH, VERY GOOD FRIEND.

FAMILY, DARLING, FAMILY.

THIS IS FLORIAN, WHO’S HAD MORE MEN THAN... ANYONE ON THE PLANET.

THIS IS GILLIAN. WE’RE IN CAPABLE HANDS.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

OOH!

THERE SHE IS! TRACIE!

FLORIAN.

TRACIE, THIS IS GILLIAN.

OH! BEST MAN AND FAG--

FAMILY. AS YOU SAY, FAMILY.

NO, NO, NO, SHE WAS RIGHT ON THE BUTTON THERE.

OH, YOU ARE SUCH A BRAT.

CAN I JOIN IN?

THIS IS BILLY.

SO, THIS IS YOUR HUSBAND TO BE.

MAYBE.

CONGRATULATIONS.

THIS IS... WILLY.

AND HE’S GETTING MARRIED IN THE MORNING.

YOU CAN KEEP YOUR SLIPPERY HANDS OFF.

WELL... THIS IS GOING TO BE INTERESTING.

WELL, WE’D BETTER GET GOING.

SO, FIRST THING TOMORROW THEN.

[DANNY] GET IT BACK ON TRACK. DRINK ALWAYS WORKS.

GET THEM TIPSY. THEY WON’T KEEP UP.

WHOA! NO YOU DON’T.

I’M GONNA KEEP YOU BABIES SAFE.

I MISSED YOU, MISTER.

DID I MISS YOU? I DON’T THINK SO.

WHERE ON EARTH’S MIKEY?

OH... MIKEY’S DUMPED,

AS OF TWO WEEKS AGO.

FLORIAN, WHY DO YOU SEEM TO MAKE A HABIT

OF JUST DUMPING GUYS AT THE DROP OF A HAT?

AND WHY ARE YOU MARRYING SO QUICKLY?

CHEERS, GIRLS.

WELL... MY MAN OF SIX MONTHS DURATION

RAN AWAY THREE WEEKS AGO,

HAVING TOLD ME I WAS DEFINITELY THE ONE FOR HIM.

AND AFTER SEARCHING FOR FIVE CONSECUTIVE NIGHTS

IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE THEME BAR I COULD FIND,

I’VE DECIDED TO TIE THE KNOT EARLY,

TO KEEP HIM LOCKED IN FROM THE BEGINNING.

WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US? WE COULD HAVE AT LEAST--

FOUND ME SOME HYPED UP LABEL LOVER WITH MORE MONEY THAN SENSE

WHO WOULD HAVE DUMPED ME BECAUSE I ONLY OWN TWO PAIRS OF SHOES AND I DON’T DO DRUGS.

SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.

TOUGH, ISN’T IT?

DANIEL WEATHERILL, YOU HUNK OF A MAN. THERE YOU ARE.

CHARLOTTE!

YOU’VE BEEN IGNORING ME.

IT’S BEEN-- ARE YOU OKAY?

YEAH, I’M FINE.

SICK OF TRAVELING, BUT I’M FINE.

AND WHERE’S PAUL? DON’T TELL ME, HE’S...

WELL, KIND OF.

HE’S BEEN AWAY ON BUSINESS AGAIN THIS WEEK

AND HAD TO GO SEE HIS MATES AT THE CLUB TO WATCH THE GAME.

YOU KNOW. HE’S COMING IN THE MORNING.

IT’S LOVELY TO SEE YOU.

AND YOU.

RIGHT. INTRODUCTIONS.

THIS IS FLORIAN.

WHO I’VE HEARD ABOUT ON MORE OCCASIONS THAN I CAN RECALL.

AND HERE WE HAVE GREGORY AND--

TRACIE.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

THIS IS MY LOVELY BEST WOMAN FOR THE WEEKEND,

CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART AND--

EX-WIFE. [CHOKING]

I GIVE YOU CHARLOTTE.

SO, YOU’RE DIVORCED THEN.

WELL, MY FIANCE’S... COMING TOMORROW.

MMM, AND WHAT DOES HE DO...

WHEN HE’S NOT THROWING DARTS AT THE WEDDING ALBUM?

HEAD OF SALES OF SOME COMPANY OR OTHER.

MORE TIME FOR US.

YES.

AHEM...

TO FRIENDSHIPS.

[TOGETHER] TO FRIENDSHIPS.

DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMILY COMING, DANNY?

WELL, THERE’S ONLY A COUPLE LEFT AND, TO BE HONEST,

I DON’T WANT THEM HERE.

IF THEY ACCEPT ME, BUGGER ’EM.

FLORIAN IS YOUR LIFE LONG BEST FRIEND,

WHO DIDN’T ACTUALLY MANAGE TO MAKE IT TO OUR WEDDING.

MMM, THAT’S RIGHT.

FOR SOME REASON, HE DECIDED TO UP STICKS AND MOVE

TO AUSTRALIA THE DAY BEFORE THE WEDDING,

IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY.

INTERESTING FRIENDSHIPS.

WHATEVER.

IS THERE SOME JUICE?

I’D JUST LIKE A JUICE.

OH, AND WHERE’S YOUR MAN?

WE NEED TO TALK.

YOU SURE YOU DON’T NEED SOME FOOD OR SOMETHING?

UH, I NEED TO MEET PEOPLE.

YOU NEED ANY HELP? I THOUGHT I MIGHT--

I THOUGHT YOU’D TICKED THAT BOX AND MOVED ON.

[DANNY] THE ONE THING MY PLAN DOESN’T TAKE ACCOUNT OF

IS OTHER PEOPLE’S CHOICES, NOR THEIR TIMING.

AH, A MOMENT TO REFLECT.

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

OH, RAJ.

GOD, TIME IS FLYING.

GOOD TO SEE YOU TOO.

RAJ, NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO TALK.

WE MUST CHECK IN. WE’RE VERY TIRED FROM THE LONG JOURNEY.

MA, THIS IS DANNY.

DANNY, THIS IS MY MOM, MRS. PATEL.

OH, DANNY!

WE HAVE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.

RAJ, WELL, HE KEPT YOU SECRET FOR SO LONG.

BUT NOW WE KNOW THE TRUTH. WE ARE SO PROUD.

AND YOU...

YOU ARE VERY BEAUTIFUL.

RAJ, QUICKLY!

YOU MUST BE DANNY!

YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.

WE WELCOME YOU TO OUR FAMILY.

WHEN RAJ SAID HE WANTED TO ARRANGE HIS OWN MARRIAGE,

WE WORRIED,

BUT NOW... NOW I SEE.

BILLY.

DO YOU HAVE A BEST WOMAN,

YOU KNOW, FOR TOMORROW?

DON’T YOU WANT SOMEONE TO ORGANIZE THINGS FOR YOU?

BRING YOU BREAKFAST IN BED?

WHAT ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND?

GREG HAS A NICE CAR.

[PHONE RINGING]

CONFETTI.

IF I WAS GETTING MARRIED IN THE MORNING,

I’D WANT CONFETTI.

MMM, SO, WHERE ARE THE PARENTS?

WELL, DANNY’S, PFF...

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BOYS?

I MEAN, HIS PHONE KEEPS RINGING.

MAYBE THEY’RE LOST.

OH, PLEASE. WHAT?

MAYBE THEY’RE DEAD TOO.

OH, BUGGER! THAT COULD’VE WORKED.

I COULD HAVE HIM AND YOU COULD HAVE HIS FATHER.

SHUT UP! I’M NOT GETTING WITH SOMEONE THAT OLD.

HE MAY BE RICH.

[SIGHING]

WHY IS IT ONLY EVER ONE THING OR THE OTHER?

DON’T WORRY, I’LL GIVE YOU MARKS

ON HIS PEDIGREE TOMORROW.

NOT IF I GET THERE FIRST.

OH...

BILLY... ARE YOUR PARENTS COMING?

NO, THEY’RE DEAD.

OOH...

OH, DANNY.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

YES, WE WONDERED WHERE YOU’D GOT TO.

GETTING THE DRINKS IN, I HOPE.

GOD KNOWS KNOWS I’LL BE NEEDING THEM THIS WEEKEND.

HOW DID YOU FIND OUT THIS WAS GOING ON?

IT WAS THE SOLICITORS, WASN’T IT, DARLING?

HE HAPPENED TO MENTION IT WHEN HE CALLED HENRY LAST WEEK.

WE WOULDN’T HAVE MISSED IT FOR THE WORLD.

I DON’T THINK IT’S YOUR KIND OF THING, AUNT MILDRED.

HELLO. RELATIVES?

THIS IS AUNTIE MILDRED AND UNCLE HERMAN,

MY LATE FATHER’S BROTHER.

WE’VE COME QUITE A WAY IN THE CAR.

DRINKS THEN. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE?

SOMETHING STRONG.

A WHITE WINE SPRITZER, I THINK, LOVE.

I’LL GET THEM.

AND YOU ARE...?

THIS IS BILLY.

I’D HAVE PREFERRED IT IF YOU WERE BRITTANY.

WELL, I’VE GOT BIG NIPPLES, IF THAT HELPS.

[LAUGHING] DRINKS.

YOU THINK YOU’RE GONNA CHANGE ANYTHING.

IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN.

BE WARNED.

SORRY.

WE’RE EATING ALONE TONIGHT.

I’VE FOUND A PLACE DOWN THE ROAD TO EAT,

SO IT’S EASIER, I THINK.

THANKS.

I’LL LET YOU KNOW IN THE MORNING. MY DECISION.

CAN I, UH, SEE YOU AGAIN TONIGHT?

YOU KNOW, JUST A LAST...

SURE, THAT’D BE GREAT.

THAT’D BE REALLY GREAT.

I’LL COME TO YOU BEFORE 9:00.

[RING TONE SOUNDING]

HEY, HOW ARE YOU?

OH.

DOUBLE OH.

OKAY, I UNDERSTAND.

GETTING HITCHED TO SOMEONE YOU ONLY

JUST MET IS A BIT WEIRD, I GUESS.

WELL, HAVE A GOOD--

YEAH, THANKS.

YOU OKAY?

YEAH, SURE.

I’LL LET YOU KNOW IN THE MORNING,

EARLY, IF IT’S YOU.

YOU STILL UP FOR THIS?

YOU BET.

I WANT TO CHANGE MY LIFE,

AND WITH YOU, I CAN.

WE’RE DOWN TO THE LAST THREE THEN?

YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT.

SOMEONE JUST DROPPED OUT

AND THERE’S STILL ONE LEFT TO COME.

DO YOUR FRIENDS KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?

DO YOU THINK THEY NEED TO KNOW?

LIFE’S TOUGH ENOUGH AS IT IS.

THEY’LL STAND BY ME NO MATTER WHAT.

I GUESS.

[ DANNY] I SHOULD HAVE CANCELLED DINNER.

BY THAT TIME, I KNEW THE RUCKUS DINNER WITH FRIENDS WAS TO BECOME...

WELL, DINNER WITH MY UNCLE.

EVENING, AUNTIE.

HELLO, DEAR.

EVENING.

THIS IS A LOVELY HOTEL, DANNY. WE HAVE LOVELY VIEWS FROM OUR ROOM.

YEAH, IT IS MY SECOND SPECIAL DAY AFTER ALL.

HELLO, EVERYONE.

DANNY.

SORRY, MADAME.

NICE OUTFIT.

THANKS.

SHAME YOU COULDN’T FIT INTO THE OTHER HALF OF YOURS.

DO YOU HAVE THE WINE LIST?

BE BACK IN A MOMENT, SIR.

YOU OKAY?

WHAT’S AFTER YOUR NAME BADGE?

SHIT!

IT MUST BE STUCK TO MY GIRLFRIENDS TITS.

I GAVE HER A KISS AND A HUG IN THE CAR.

OKAY... WHAT DO YOU NEED?

UH, WINE LIST.

THEY’RE MIXED UP WITH THE FOOD MENUS.

YOU’VE GIVEN ’EM OUT?

IT’S OKAY. THEY’LL REALIZE.

HMM...

OH. COULD I HAVE POSSIBLY,

A LITTLE GLASS OF...

OH, WELL, THAT MUST HAVE JUST, UM...

SLIPPED SOMEWHERE.

HA... LOVELY, OKAY.

CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER, SIR.

YEAH, CAN I HAVE THE BEEF, PLEASE?

THANKS, AND YOU’RE DOING A GREAT JOB, BY THE WAY.

AND WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE, SIR?

COULD YOU TELL ME WHAT THE LAMB COMES WITH?

UM, CARROTS AND BROCCOLI

AND NEW POTATOES AND JUICE.

I MEAN,JUS.

YEAH, I’LL HAVE THAT THEN, PLEASE

THANKS.

HMM, I’M REALLY CRAVING...

A BIG PIECE OF MEAT.

DO YOU RECOMMEND ANYTHING?

THE, UH, CHICKEN’S GOOD.

IT COMES WITH SPRING VEGETABLES...

AND WHITE WINE GRAVY.

[SIGHING]

SURE. I’LL HAVE THAT.

THE COQ AU VIN.

CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT THAT IS, PLEASE?

IT’S COQ.

[STAMMERING]

ONE OF THOSE.

[♪♪]

♪ EVERY NIGHT ♪

♪ I HEAR YOU SOFTLY SWAYING ♪

♪ DEEP INSIDE OF MY HEART ♪

GOOD MAN. THANK YOU.

SO, DANNY.

WHY THE MIDDLE OF WINTER?

OF ALL THE TIMES TO GET MARRIED,

WHY ON EARTH THE MIDDLE OF WINTER?

WHY NOT?

SO, WHERE’S THE OTHER GROOM?

WELL, WE’RE STAYING APART FOR, YOU KNOW, THE LOOK.

YOU CAN TELL US.

WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE.

THERE’S NOTHING

TO TELL. SHORT NOTICE.

NOT EVEN AN INVITE TO YOUR FAMILY.

ALL A BIT ODD, DON’T YOU THINK?

YOU’RE HERE, AREN’T YOU?

UNINVITED.

WHAT ABOUT THE HONEYMOON?

IS IT A LONG FLIGHT?

OH, DANNY, YOU’RE ALLERGIC TO FLYING,

AREN’T YOU?

NO...

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

NOT A FEAR OF FLYING,

JUST LONG DISTANCES, AT LEAST.

NO, UNCLE, IT’S NATURAL,

NOT ODD.

NATURAL TO GET MARRIED TO A WOMAN, YES, BUT...

IF ALL YOU CAN DO IS CRITICIZE ME IN FRONT OF--

EMBARRASSMENT?

YOU THINK

YOU UNDERSTAND EMBARRASSMENT?

NOT SURE I CAN HELP YOU THERE.

YOU THINK ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE HERE TO CELEBRATE?

SPECTATE, MORE LIKE.

AS LONG AS MY LOVELY DANNY IS HAPPY,

YOU KNOW,

I WONDERED WHY ALL THOSE PEOPLE WERE--

FRIENDS, TRACIE, THEY’RE JUST FRIENDS.

MINE WAS THE CHICKEN. SORRY.

[♪♪]

WELL... FLUFF MY CUSHIONS.

IT MUST BE BEDTIME.

ROOM 219, BOYS.

IF ANY OF YOU WANT A GOOD TIME.

HA, HA, HA...

AND, DANNY...

I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO TOMORROW.

DON’T BE LATE.

GOOD NIGHT.

BYE-BYE. GOOD NIGHT.

GAMES.

GAMES? IT’S GETTING A BIT LATE, CHARLOTTE.

OH, COME ON, IT’S ONLY 8:30.

OH, MR. WEATHERILL.

I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOU,

FROM MR. AND MRS. PATEL.

THEY SAID, AS YOU’RE GOING TO BE

THEIR FUTURE SON-IN-LAW,

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEND THE EVENING WITH THEM?

UH, I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE THE WRONG PERSON.

WHAT?!

THAT, THAT WASN’T FOR ME.

DO I SEE TROUBLE BREWING?

IT’S NOTHING.

MY UNCLE, HE’S INTERFERING.

NOTHING THAT CAN’T BE SOLVED.

WELL...

I WOULD MARRY DANNY AGAIN BECAUSE...

BECAUSE HIS HEART IS SOFTER THAN A KISS.

AND FOR ME...

I WOULD TRUST YOU WITH MY LIFE.

EVERY LAST BREATH.

I DON’T GET IT.

I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY. YOU TWO COULD STILL BE MARRIED.

WHY MEN?

I GUESS

IT’S AN ADMISSION.

DO YOU REMEMBER

THE BLACK AND WHITE MOVIES?

WHEN YOU WATCHED THEM, YOU WERE KIND OF WITH THEM,

BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING MISSING.

THEN, ALONG CAME COLOR.

WELL, THIS... THIS IS LIKE

LIVING MY LIFE IN FULL 3-D COLOR.

YOU KNOW,

IT WOULD STILL BE YOU IF...

HMM... WELL,

AFTER THAT LITTLE REVELATION DRAMA.

[CLOCK BELL RINGING] OH, SHIT!

I NEED...

I’LL COME BACK. WHAT IS GOING ON, MR.?

I PROMISED ONE OF THE GUESTS

I’D GO SEE HIM BEFORE 9:00.

NO. I MEAN, WHAT IS GOING ON?

GOTTA GO.

[♪♪]

♪ EVERY NIGHT ♪

♪ I HEAR YOU SOFTLY SWAYING ♪

♪ DEEP INSIDE OF MY HEART ♪

COME IN.

RAJ, I DON’T THINK IT’S--

DON’T WORRY, I’M JUST RELAXING.

I DON’T WANT TO RUSH ANYTHING.

JUST... COME IN.

♪ HOLD ON ♪

♪ TILL YOU GET IT RIGHT ♪

♪ YOU GOT TO HOLD ON ♪

♪ MAKE IT THROUGH THE SHADOWS ♪

♪ HOLD ON, IT’S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT ♪

RAJ...

DON’T WORRY.

I DON’T WANT TO RUSH ANYTHING.

BUT I THINK WE SHOULD

GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER A LITTLE MORE.

SURE.

SO...

DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE?

YOU ARE A WONDERFUL GUY, RAJ.

YOU RELAX ME.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

IT COULD BE LOVE.

THOUGH, MAYBE IT’S TOO SOON FOR THAT.

[CLINKING]

DON’T WORRY. IT’S MY CLOCK.

IT MAKES THAT NOISE.

SO...

WHY SO QUICK?

WHY NOT?

WHY NOT?

WE COULD SPEND TWO OR THREE YEARS

CHECKING IF WE’RE OKAY FOR EACH OTHER.

AND WE’LL NEVER KNOW UNTIL WE TRY IT.

ONLY IN THE COLD,

HARSH LIGHT OF LIVING TOGETHER,

IN PARTNERSHIP, DOES ANYONE TRULY GET TO LEARN WHO WE ARE.

WHAT WOULD IT TAKE?

YOU CAN TELL ME.

YOU SEE, I WON’T MIND.

I’M NOT WORRIED ABOUT THE PAST.

I JUST LOOK FORWARD TO A FUTURE.

SOMETIMES... WE DO THINGS

BECAUSE WE THINK WE HAVE TO.

WE DECIDE IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT.

AND THAT’S HOW A PARTNERSHIP WORKS.

WE BRING BALANCE TO EACH OTHER,

AND LOVE...

TO BRIGHTEN THE DARK MOMENT.

SO, HOW COME YOUR PARENTS ARE OKAY WITH THIS?

BECAUSE LOVE CAN HAPPEN IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES.

YOU SHALL LIVE THIS LIFE TOGETHER, REINCARNATE,

AND WHEN YOU COME BACK,

MY SON WILL BE EVEN MORE HANDSOME.

AND YOU...

YOU SHALL COME BACK AS HIS BEAUTIFUL FEMALE BRIDE.

GOOD EVENING, I HAVE A ROOM BOOKED.

MY NAME IS RICHARD SENIOR.

CERTAINLY, SIR. JUST SIGN HERE.

THANK YOU.

COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHERE I CAN FIND DANNY WEATHERILL?

YES, SIR. I THINK THEY ARE ALL IN THE DRAWING ROOM. JUST UPSTAIRS.

THANK YOU. YOU’RE WELCOME.

[LAUGHING]

I’M SORRY.

I’M LOOKING FOR DANNY.

IS HE AROUND, DO YOU KNOW?

HE’LL BE BACK.

ARE YOU HERE FOR THE WEDDING?

YES, I AM.

WHICH SIDE? DANNY OR BILLY?

WELL, ACTUALLY, I-- OH.

AH. GOOD TO SEE YOU.

GLAD YOU MADE IT.

DO YOU WANT TO GO UP TO YOUR ROOM,

AND I’LL CATCH UP WITH YOU A BIT LATER?

YES.

YES, OF COURSE. I’LL LEAVE YOU TO YOUR, UM...

OKAY...

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

WHOA.

LOOK...

THIS IS REALLY HARD.

BUT I NEVER THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE ONE FOR MONEY.

OR THAT MANY MEN, EVEN.

LISTEN, FLORIAN.

IT’S OKAY FOR YOU.

WITH EVERYTHING YOU EVER HAD AND WANTED AROUND YOU.

I HAVE NOTHING.

NONE OF MY CHILDHOOD TOYS.

NO PHOTOGRAPHS THAT WERE NOT EASILY IDENTIFIABLE.

THE GRAMOPHONE MY MOTHER PROMISED ME.

MY GRANDMOTHER’S TEDDY BEAR.

THE PIPE STAND I MADE FOR MY FATHER WHEN I WAS 10.

AND, YES, THE HOUSE WITH THE SEA VIEW.

AND THERE WAS SOME MONEY.

BUT YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND...

THAT ALMOST ANYTHING OTHER THAN MY MEMORIES

HAVE BEEN LOCKED UP FOR OVER TWO YEARS BECAUSE OF HIS WILL.

AND, ALL RIGHT, YEAH...

MAYBE...

MAYBE IT’S NOT THE MOST HONORABLE OF THINGS TO DO AT SHORT NOTICE.

BUT CAN’T YOU SEE WHY?

WHY SHOULD I LIVE WITHOUT

WHAT’S LEFT OF MY FAMILY HISTORY,

JUST TO SEE IT GO TO SOME SODDING CHARITY, OR WORSE,

MY UNCLE, IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS, IF I DON’T GET HITCHED?

HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU FEEL?

OH, AND LOVE?

WHAT ABOUT THE GUY?

YEAH, RIGHT.

I HAVE NO PROBLEM.

ALL THREE OF THEM ARE REALLY LOVELY.

I CAN’T EVEN MAKE A CHOICE.

HOW CAN YOU MARRY SOMEONE YOU’VE ONLY JUST MET? WHY NOT?

YOU SUCK THE COCKS OF HUNDREDS OF MEN YOU HAVEN’T YET MET.

OH, WHO WOULD WANT TO MARRY YOU SO QUICKLY ANYWAY?

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WHO DOES THAT?

SOMEONE LIKE ME, I GUESS, TRACIE.

SOMEONE LIKE ME. HAPPY NOW?

[FLORIAN] RIGHT. THAT’S IT.

HERE’S WHAT WE’RE GONNA DO.

TWO GROUPS.

WE DRAW UP QUESTIONS.

WE INTERVIEW EACH OF THEM, THEN WE SCORE THEM.

THEN THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL...

OUR DANNY.

THAT IS A GREAT IDEA.

WE CAN ALL GET TO KNOW HIM MORE INTIMATELY.

NO WAY. WHY NOT?

’CAUSE I ALREADY--

AND YOU CAN’T DECIDE.

BESIDES...

THIS MIGHT THROW UP SOME MORE HIDDEN SECRETS.

IT’S SETTLED THEN.

TWO GROUPS.

NO.

NO, I’M GONNA BE A CONTESTANT.

CHARLOTTE...

I WANT ANOTHER CHANCE.

RIGHT. I’LL DO ONE ASSESSMENT.

TRACIE, GREGORY, YOU CAN DO THE OTHER.

AND WHEN WE’RE DONE,

DANNY CAN HAVE A ONE ON ONE WITH EACH OF THEM.

WE’LL BACK HERE IN 90 MINUTES WITH OUR SUMMARIES.

TRACIE, LET’S GO TO OUR ROOMS. GO GET THE BOYS.

[♪♪]

[DRUMMING]

[DRUMMING]

YOU HAVE COME TO JOIN US.

PLEASE DO. UH, NO.

THIS IS PART OF OUR RITUAL.

THE GROOM MUST RIDE INTO HIS CEREMONY ON A STRONG STALLION.

AND THEN WE WAIT FOR THE MOST AUSPICIOUS MOMENT TO ARRIVE.

I JUST NEED HIM FOR A LITTLE WHILE, MR. PATEL.

I’LL BRING HIM RIGHT BACK.

BUT YOU MUSTN’T LEAVE.

IT’S PART OF OUR RITUAL. HE WON’T BE LONG.

[DRUMMING CONTINUES]

NO.

I’M NOT DOING...

I JUST WANT TO CANCEL MY SUBSCRIPTION.

I’M NOT DOING THIS KIND OF THING ANYMORE.

HEY. HEY.

UM, WE HAVE...

DANNY HAS ASKED IF WE CAN DO SOME QUESTIONS.

HIS FRIENDS, JUST TO HELP HIM DECIDE.

OH, DON’T WORRY.

YOU’RE ONE OF THREE.

OH, AND YOU DON’T NEED TO GET DRESSED.

JUST COME AS YOU ARE. WE’RE GONNA CHANGE ROOMS.

WHATEVER.

SO, IT IS JUST A FEW QUESTIONS.

ARE YOU DEFINITELY GAY?

YES.

WHAT?

RIGHT... NOTHING.

SO, COULD BE.

NOW IT’S YOUR TURN. YOU NEED TO CHECK.

ME...?

YEAH, HE’S GAY.

HOW GAY?

VERY GAY.

HOW BIG IS HE?

BIG.

LITTLE BIG OR BIG BIG?

TRACIE... HE’S BIG.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR] IT’S OPEN.

AH... WELCOME TO MY BOUDOIR.

TONGUES WILL WAG, YOU KNOW.

SOMETHING TELLS ME THAT’S NOT THE ONLY THING.

ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING?

OH, GOD!

YOU’VE PLANNED YOURSELF

TO DEATH.

YEAH, A LIFETIME IN PROJECT MANAGEMENT DOES THAT TO YOU.

JUST IMAGINE WHAT MY FIRST DATE WAS LIKE.

DO YOU MIND IF I ASK A QUESTION?

NOT AT ALL.

IS THIS JUST A FLASH IN THE PAN,

OR ARE YOU THINKING LONG TERM?

THIS IS ABOUT GROWING TOGETHER.

THE ROAD IS ALWAYS ROUGH, AND YOU PROBABLY

HAVE THE MOST EXPERIENCE OF ALL IN HOW TO DEAL WITH IT.

MMM, AH, BUT THE BEST WAY TO LEARN IS BY DOING.

AND HOW ABOUT YOU?

ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?

AS LONG AS EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT THEY’RE GETTING INTO.

HMM?

WHY NOW?

WE DON’T ALWAYS HAVE THE CHOICES WE’D LIKE.

REST ASSURED, THERE’S NOTHING UNDERHANDED,

THOUGH I AGREE, IT’S ALL A BIT RUSHED.

I HOPE THEY’VE GOT GOOD SUPPLIES.

I’M GONNA NEED IT.

SO, WHEN DO WE FIND OUT FOR SURE?

TOMORROW.

MMM...

THERE’S GOING TO BE BROKEN HEARTS TO CONTEND WITH.

HOPE YOU’RE PREPARED.

FAVORITE FOOD.

HOME COOKING.

WHAT?

ANYONE’S HOME COOKING.

IT DOESN’T MATTER.

AND FINALLY, WHAT DOES LOVE MEAN TO YOU?

IT’S FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

IT’S HONESTY, TOLERANCE...

AND UNDERSTANDING.

SO, YOU THINK IT’S IMPORTANT THEN?

SO...

HOW MANY MEN HAVE YOU BEEN WITH?

DOES IT MATTER?

YES.

HOW MANY?

OH, I DON’T THINK SO.

300 TO 500?

500 TO A THOUSAND?

I ALWAYS WAS A STAR PUPIL.

500 TO A THOUSAND.

BUSY BOY.

RIGHT...

HOW BIG ARE YOU?

WHAT? GOD. DOES IT MATTER?

HAPPY?

SATISFACTORY.

SMOOTH OR HAIRY?

SMOOTH. BIG TICK.

AND WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A JOB?

SALES.

WHAT? CLOTHES.

FASHION.

BIG BRANDS AT A DISCOUNT. NOTHING FLASH.

WHICH OF THE BIG BRANDS DO NOT TAKE PART IN ASPIRATIONAL SIZING?

WHAT?

WHICH OF THE BRANDS DO NOT LIE TO THEIR CUSTOMERS

ABOUT THE REAL SIZE OF THE HEFT?

DON’T PANIC.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO ANSWER THE QUESTION.

I WAS JUST JOKING.

UH, WHY DANNY?

WHY NOW?

AS YOU GO THROUGH LIFE, IT CHANGES.

WE DISCOVER WE’VE TAKEN DIFFERENT PATHS.

SOMETIMES, WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT.

THIS IS A DECISION TO CHANGE.

DANNY...

HE IS THE SWEETEST GUY I’VE EVER MET.

HE’S OPEN.

HE’S HONEST.

AND HE’S REALLY CUTE.

THANK YOU.

HOW CAN I HELP YOU?

ARE YOU DEFINITELY GAY?

YES.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

BECAUSE I’VE BEEN ME ALL MY LIFE.

I NEED MORE EVIDENCE.

EXCUSE ME, YOUNG LADY.

YOU PROBABLY CAN’T AFFORD WHAT YOU’RE ABOUT TO DO.

SO... EVIDENCE.

OH, GOD, LOOK...

I DON’T DO NIPPLES, OR BREASTS.

MY TONGUE HAS NEVER BEEN NEAR A CLITORIS.

AND APART FROM A VERY QUICK GROPE BEHIND THE BIKE SHEDS

40 YEARS AGO AFTER A BOTTLE OF CIDER AT THE SCHOOL DISCO,

I’VE NEVER BEEN THERE.

THAT’S ALL WE NEEDED TO KNOW.

UM... HA...

HOW BIG-- HOW BIG ARE YOU?

I’VE...

NEVER HAD ANY COMPLAINTS.

NEVER. NOT ONE.

FAVORITE FOOD.

WHAT? NOTHING WITH CHOP STICKS.

ALL EFFORT AND NO PAYBACK.

I’D SAY FRENCH CUISINE.

ALL THAT SAUCE.

HA...

AND WHAT DOES LOVE MEAN TO YOU?

A DAMN SIGHT MORE

THAN IT EVER HAS TO YOUR GENERATION, YOUNG LADY, I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THAT.

WELL...

UNTIL RECENTLY.

I SUPPOSE I CHANGED MY MIND.

BUT ONCE YOU REALIZE THAT IT’S ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON AND NOT ABOUT YOURSELF...

YOU UNDERSTAND.

AND IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL THING THAT YOU CAN EVER FIND.

THOUGH, OF COURSE, THERE ARE MANY DIFFERENT KINDS OF LOVE.

BUT--

YOU HAVE YOUR ANSWER.

SORRY, WRONG ROOM.

SORRY, WRONG ROOM.

[♪♪]

OH... JIMMY.

HARD AT IT, I SEE.

WOW!

GLAD I WAS SITTING DOWN FOR THAT.

[♪♪]

GOOD EVENING.

[TRACIE] SO, WHY IS IT YOU THINK YOU’RE RIGHT FOR DANNY THIS TIME?

YOU KNOW, AFTER MESSING UP ALREADY?

IT’S NOT THAT IT WAS WRONG LAST TIME.

I GUESS...

I GUESS WE CAN JUST JUMP TO

A CONCLUSION WITHOUT REALLY THINKING.

DO YOU THINK THAT IT WOULD WORK WITH ANOTHER WOMAN?

WHAT WOULD NEED TO CHANGE?

IRRESPECTIVE OF THE COMPLICATIONS OTHERS MIGHT SEE,

IT’S REALLY NOT THAT DIFFICULT.

AND HOW WOULD YOU GET OVER THE PHYSICAL CHALLENGES?

WHEN DANNY LOVES SOMEONE, IT NEVER STOPS.

IF HE OPENED HIS HEART,

HE’D FIND THE RIGHT ANSWER.

GUESS WE’RE DONE HERE THEN.

I GUESS SO.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

DRINKING, WHY?

HAVE YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

COME AND SIT DOWN, LOVE. WE’VE GOT THE RESULTS.

WHY DOES CHARLOTTE ONLY HAVE A SCORE OF 15?

[TOGETHER] NO COCK.

YOU’RE TELLING ME, AT MIDNIGHT,

THE DAY BEFORE MY BIG DAY,

YOU’VE DRAGGED EVERYONE THROUGH GOD KNOWS WHAT,

TO DRAW THE CONCLUSION

THAT EVERYONE IS THE SAME, APART FROM CHARLOTTE?

GREAT.

LOOK, IT’S A REALLY

DIFFICULT DECISION, DANNY.

YOU’VE FOUND SOME REALLY HOT--

UH, I MEAN, GREAT GUYS.

I’VE HAD IT. I’M GOING TO BED.

EVERYBODY OUT.

BUT...

LISTEN, GUYS...

I’M REALLY GRATEFUL.

I AM.

BUT I’M INTERESTED IN WHO SOMEONE IS,

NOT WHAT THEY ARE.

QUE?

YOU...

YOU

NEED TO REALIZE.

THIS IS NOT

ABOUT HOW BIG SOMEONE IS,

OR THE CLOTHES THEY WEAR,

OR HOW OLD THEY ARE.

THAT’S ALL TRANSIENT STUFF THAT CHANGES.

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.

I’M REALLY TIRED AND REALLY--

YOU’RE REALLY DOING THE RIGHT THING, DANNY.

DON’T DOUBT YOURSELF.

NOT NOW.

♪ WHO I AM ♪

♪ IS KILLING ♪

♪ WHO I USED TO BE ♪

♪ AND THE BOY THAT I ♪...

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

♪ IS THE MAN I’D HOPED TO BE ♪

♪ EVEN MORE WHEN I SMILE ♪

♪ ONLY HALF OF ME ♪

♪ GROWS WILD ♪

GOOD MORNING.

LOOKS LIKE YOU WERE EXPECTING ME.

HI, TRACIE.

SO, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

COME ON, MISTER.

YOU NEED YOUR ENERGY.

CONFUSED, HUH?

UNDECIDED, PERHAPS.

CONFUSED, NO.

DO YOU NEED SOME HELP?

WHICH ONE WOULD YOU PICK?

SEE? YOU ARE CONFUSED.

HERE.

LET ME...

THIS ISN’T HELPING.

BUT IT WOULD BE EASIER, RIGHT?

I MEAN, IF IT WERE LOVE.

TRACIE...

I’M NOT SURE YOU’RE ONE TO ADVISE ON LOVE.

REALLY?

WELL, YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

IN FACT, YOU HAVE A GREAT BOYFRIEND.

YET YOU...

ARE UNDECIDED.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

I’LL GET IT.

SO...

WHAT DO YOU REALLY THINK ABOUT LOVE?

IT DEPENDS, IF YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT FAMILY LOVE,

FRIENDLY LOVE OR BEING IN LOVE.

BEING IN LOVE.

IT’S A WONDERFUL THING,

IF YOU CAN FIND IT.

YOU CAN’T BUY IT, THAT’S FOR SURE.

MMM... DOES IT REALLY KNOW NO BOUNDS?

WHEN IT’S TRUE... IT LASTS FOREVER.

AND THE SITUATION’S IRRELEVANT.

OH, WOW!

HIS NAME IS ZACK.

HA, HA, WOW.

BILLY IS A RENT BOY.

BLOODY HELL.

IS THAT FLORIAN’S HANDWRITING?

IT IS.

WHY DOES HE ALWAYS... DAMN IT!

IT’S ALL A GAME, DANNY.

SO, DO YOU LOVE HIM YET?

TRACIE, THAT IS NOT HELPFUL.

I’M SORRY.

I DIDN’T MEAN TO--

IT’S OKAY.

SOMEONE ELSE HIDING BEHIND THE FACADE OF--

FANTASY AND INDECISION.

TRACIE, WHAT IS IT YOU WANT?

HONESTLY.

MR. WONDERFUL...

MR. HONESTY...

MR...

ME TOO.

AND YOU HAVE THAT ALREADY.

I’M NOT SO SURE.

TRACIE... IT’S NOT ME.

I KNOW.

I NEED TO THINK DIFFERENTLY THIS TIME.

[SIGHING]

YOU SURE ON THAT?

YOU SHOULD GIVE HIM A CHANCE.

ARE YOU NERVOUS?

YOU NEVER REALLY KNOW WHAT’S WAITING AROUND THE CORNER.

NO, BUT ODDS ARE

I CAN HAVE A BLOODY GOOD GUESS.

NO YOU CAN’T.

I CAN SEE HAPPINESS...

ALL THE WAY TO THE HORIZON.

SO, ONCE THE PANIC AND EXCITEMENT IS OVER,

YOU’LL STILL BE HERE FOR ME?

YOU DON’T THINK HE’S TOO YOUNG?

HE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT HE’S DOING.

I FEEL AS IF I’M GOING TO BE

PART OF SOME LIVE FREAK SHOW.

THAT MAKES BOTH OF US.

COME ON. I’M BLOODY STARVING.

WELL, THIS IS IT, BABE.

WOULD YOU DO IT AGAIN?

IN AN INSTANT.

PREPARE YOURSELF.

I MEAN IT.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

♪ I FEEL A CHANGE ♪

♪ COMING OVER ME ♪

♪ A SENSE OF CALM ♪

♪ A CHANCE TO TAKE CONTROL ♪

♪ THESE TINY SEEDS ♪

♪ HAVE TAKEN ROOT AT LAST ♪

♪ AMONGST THESE WEEDS ♪

♪ I STOOD A BLADE OF GRASS ♪

♪ YOU TURNED OUR WATER ♪

♪ STRAIGHT INTO WINE ♪

♪ YOU LEFT ME HANGING ♪

♪ OUT ON THE VINE ♪

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

♪ WOULD YOU WALK WITH ME ♪

♪ DOWN THIS GARDEN PATH? ♪

♪ WITH A RING IN MY ♪...

THE CONGREGATION MAY SIT.

WELCOME TO THE

COMMITMENT CEREMONY FOR DANNY--

[UNCLE HERMAN GROANING]

[AUNT MILDRED] ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, DEAR?

SHOULD I CALL THE MORGUE TO MAKE A RESERVATION NOW?

HE LIVES!

GOT WIND.

A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH SCOTCH,

PROBABLY.

WELCOME TO THE COMMITMENT CEREMONY FOR DANNY AND--

WELCOME TO THE COMMITMENT CEREMONY FOR...

FOR DANNY AND...

FOR DANNY AND RICHARD.

[CHEERING]

I DON’T UNDERSTAND. WHAT IS HAPPENING?

WE CAME A LONG WAY TO SEE OUR SON BE MARRIED.

WE BROUGHT THE WHOLE FAMILY...

WITH LUGGAGE.

AND WHO THE HELL IS HE ANYWAY?! HE...

IS MY FATHER.

WHAT?

HE’S MY FATHER.

HE ADOPTED ME TWO YEARS AGO.

WHEN HE HELPED.

AND PAID FOR MY REHAB IN THE DRUG CLINIC.

THE FAMILY HAD DISOWNED ME.

WHAT ABOUT THE INDIAN?

[TOGETHER] WHAT ABOUT THE INDIAN?

OH, NO, NO, NO...

HE’S GORGEOUS.

[TOGETHER] YES, HE’S VERY HANDSOME.

AND VERY LONELY.

I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED.

NOT JUST

FAMILY LOVE.

BUT TRUE LOVE.

WHEN I GOT YOUR MESSAGE ON THE INTERNET.

YOU GOT ME TO BUY YOUR WEB-CAM

TO DATE OVER THE INTERNET?

A LOT OF PEOPLE MAKE LOVE OVER THE INTERNET THESE DAYS.

IT’S FASTER AND CHEAPER.

NOW, LET HIM FINISH.

I THOUGHT THAT NOW MIGHT BE MY TIME.

I--

HE BET ME.

HE BET ME

THAT YOU WOULDN’T MARRY ME.

I WONDERED WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN NEXT, FOR EVERYONE.

I’VE LEARNED THAT A POLICY

OF NO SURPRISES IS ALWAYS BEST.

YOU’RE OPEN,

HONEST, ACCEPTING,

AND I LIKE YOUR APPROACH.

I DON’T THINK YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR.

BUT I DON’T THINK THAT MATTERS.

OH, HE KNOWS WHAT HE’S LOOKING FOR, ALL RIGHT.

AND I BET YOU’D ALL LIKE TO KNOW JUST HOW HONEST HE IS.

WELL, I’LL TELL YOU.

HE’S DOING THIS FOR MONEY, NOT LOVE,

BUT MONEY.

THAT’S NOT TRUE.

OH, YES IT IS.

HE RECEIVED HIS DIVORCE PAPERS ONE WEEK AGO,

AND NOW HE’S TRYING TO CLAIM MONEY FROM HIS LATE FATHER’S ESTATE BY GETTING...

WELL, COMMITTING TO SOMEONE BEFORE MIDDAY TODAY.

I HAVE THE PROOF HERE IN MY HANDS.

MONEY IS WHY HE’S HERE.

NO IT’S NOT.

I HAVE FOUND--

DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT

START THIS PROCESS TO GET YOUR HANDS ON YOUR

LATE FATHER’S ESTATE?

YES I DID.

AND YOU DON’T HAVE AN INTEREST OF COURSE.

THE RIGHT QUESTION IS...

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO IT IF I DIDN’T GET IT?

I’M NOT TAKING ANYMORE OF THIS CHARADE.

I NEED A DRINK.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

PLEASE...

I WONDER IF THE OTHERS ARE LEAVING?

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

MORE HEART.

HE CAN’T GET MARRIED LIKE THAT.

ANYWAY, IF HE DOESN’T DO IT BEFORE 12:00,

WE GET THE INHERITANCE.

WELL, THE HALF THAT DOESN’T GO TO CHARITY, THAT IS.

YOU WOULD TAKE MONEY FROM...

IT’S NOT RIGHT.

IT’S NOT WHAT DAVID WANTED.

HE NEVER WOULD HAVE ALLOWED--

OH, YOU THINK THAT’S RIGHT, DO YOU?

HE WAS MY BROTHER.

OF COURSE, I--

WE ARE NOT YOUR BROTHER,

AND YOU NEED TO FIND YOUR HUMANITY.

YOU’RE GOING--

TO SEE MY NEPHEW.

IT’S OPEN.

DANNY, YOU CAN STILL DO THIS.

NO I CAN’T. I COCKED UP AGAIN. NO YOU DIDN’T.

JUST BECAUSE ONE OF YOUR RELATIVES

HAS GOT HIS HEAD SCREWED ON BACKWARDS.

IT STILL HURTS.

WHAT DOES YOUR HEART TELL YOU?

THAT I MADE THE WRONG DECISION.

NO, YOU DIDN’T.

I MADE A WRONG DECISION. DANNY?

I STILL LOVE YOU.

AND I LOVE YOU.

OKAY, I ALWAYS WILL.

BUT WE DON’T NEED TO BE MARRIED FOR THAT TO HAPPEN.

WHAT DOES YOUR HEART TELL YOU?

YOU CAN’T PLAN YOURSELF THROUGH A RELATIONSHIP, DANNY.

IT’S NOT AS EASY AS SEEING A DESTINATION

AND MERELY TRACKING A COURSE TO IT.

WHAT DO YOU FEEL, IN YOUR HEART?

THE LAST TIME I LISTENED TO MY HEART, I HURT SOMEONE.

THAT WAS JUST PART OF YOUR JOURNEY. WHAT DO YOU FEEL?

DANNY, YOU’RE THINKING. WHAT DO YOU FEEL?!

THAT SOMEONE IN THAT ROOM IS FOR ME.

SO, ARE YOU GONNA FOLLOW

YOUR HEART AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?

IT’S TOO LATE.

DANNY! DANNY, NO!

IT’S NEVER TOO LATE FOR LOVE.

OKAY?

COME HERE.

GET YOURSELF TOGETHER. WE CAN DO THIS.

I’LL GET EVERYONE.

DO YOU HAVE A GONG? GONG?

YEAH, YOU KNOW, LIKE, A BELL OR SOMETHING.

THANKS.

[BELL JINGLING]

IT’S BACK ON.

YOU MUST COME IN TO SEE.

BUT IT’S TRUE LOVE.

RAJ, WHAT IF THIS

REALLY WAS YOUR TIME?

YOU WOULDN’T WANT TO MISS IT, WOULD YOU?

WHAT’S IT TO BE, BOYS AND GIRLS?

I THINK WE SHOULD GET STARTED.

NO, I DON’T THINK SO.

DON’T WORRY ABOUT THAT, SON.

IT’LL MIX AS IT GOES DOWN.

IT’S BACK ON. COME ON! IT’S BACK ON!

NO, I DON’T THINK SO.

WHY NOT?

FILL ’ER UP.

AH, YOU THINK YOU’VE WON THE BET ALREADY.

BEST OF THREE.

[♪♪]

♪ WOULD YOU WALK WITH ME ♪

♪ DOWN THIS GARDEN PATH? ♪

♪ WITH A RING IN MY HAND ♪

♪ WITH A RING IN MY HAND ♪

♪ AND WOULD YOU MARRY ME ♪

♪ WITH MY HEART IN YOUR HAND? ♪

♪ WITH MY HEART IN YOUR HAND? ♪

NEARLY 12:00.

MAYBE IT WON’T BE ME.

I THINK I’M VERY LUCKY.

I HAVE A LOVING FAMILY.

I’M NOT SURE THEY UNDERSTAND,

BUT... THEY DO LOVE ME.

[♪♪]

♪ FOR YOU HAVE WON ME, DEAR ♪

♪ YEAH, YOU HAVE WON ME, DEAR ♪

♪ YOU’VE WON MY HEART ♪

WELCOME TO THE COMMITMENT CEREMONY FOR DANNY AND--

I’VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY.

NO, NO, PLEASE...

LET ME FINISH.

WHAT I HADN’T QUITE APPRECIATED IS THAT

ALL OF YOU ARE A FAMILY...

WITH REAL FEELINGS...

AND REAL HEARTS.

YOUR FATHER AND I HAD NEVER

CONSIDERED THIS AS...

A LEGITIMATE WAY OF LIFE.

YET... THE EVIDENCE IS CLEAR TO ME NOW.

IT’S OVERWHELMING.

AND I’M VERY PROUD...

AND I’M VERY SORRY.

WELCOME TO THE COMMITMENT CEREMONY FOR...

FOR DANNY AND...

FOR DANNY... AND RAJ.

[CHEERING]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I’M SORRY.

IS THIS NOT ROBERT SMITH?

I CAN ONLY CONDUCT A CIVIL CEREMONY

FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNER ROBERT SMITH.

WHEN I APPLIED, I WAS WITH A ROBERT SMITH,

BUT HE’S LEFT ME, SO NOW IT’S RAJ PATEL.

I’M SORRY. ROBERT SMITH DUMPED ME

AND I DIDN’T KNOW UNTIL--

I’M SO SORRY. I JUST CAN’T CHANGE THE NAMES LIKE THAT.

DANNY...

DO YOU WANT TO COMMIT TO ME

FOR BETTER AND WORSE,

FROM NOW, FOR ALL ETERNITY?

YES, YES I DO.

[CHEERING]

♪ WE’RE HEADING STRAIGHT FOR MEMORY LANE ♪

♪ THOUGH I’VE JUST MET YOU ♪

♪ I SEE POSSIBLE PICTURES OF TWO ♪

♪ FRAMED ON MY WALL ♪...

I’M SORRY.

I KNOW YOU TRIED TO HAVE A CEREMONY ON THE DATE,

HOWEVER, THE WILL CANNOT BE CHANGED.

THE CERTIFICATE IS VALID,

THOUGH IT IS DATED THREE WEEKS POST THE EXPIRATION OF THE WILL.

HOWEVER, YOUR UNCLE HAS AGREED

TO PASS ALL OF HIS SHARE TO YOU,

INCLUDING THE FAMILY HEIRLOOMS,

THOUGH I’M AFRAID THE OTHER HALF HAS ALREADY BEEN PASSED

TO THE SPECIFIED CHARITY.

♪ I’M OPEN FOR A QUALITY MAN ♪

♪ TO SOAK MY SWEET LOVE UP ♪

♪ I COULD COOK UP SOME DREAMS ♪

♪ BUT WITH ME IN LOVE WITH YOU ♪

♪ YOU’RE MY FAVORITE ♪

♪ PREOCCUPATION ♪

♪ YOU GOT ME GUSHING ♪

♪ WARM AND FUZZY AND GLOWING ON CUE ♪

♪ WHEN I’M AROUND YOU ♪

[TOGETHER] SURPRISE!

YOU GUYS LOOK AMAZING.

FLORIAN, YOU’RE THE BEST FRIEND I’VE HAD.

OHH!

[♪♪]

♪ I’VE HAD THIS FEAR OF SERIOUS NOTIONS ♪

♪ MY HEARTS BEEN STRETCHED ♪

♪ TOO FAR BEFORE... ♪

[♪♪]

♪ OOH-OOH, OOH-OOH... ♪

♪ THIS MIGHT BE GOOD ♪

♪ OOH-OOH, OOH-OOH... ♪

♪ THIS MIGHT BE GOOD ♪

♪ OOH-OOH, OOH-OOH... ♪

♪ THIS MIGHT BE GOOD ♪

♪ OOH-OOH, OOH-OOH... ♪

♪ THIS MIGHT BE GOOD ♪

♪ BETWEEN YOU AND ME ♪

[♪♪]

♪ BEAUTIFUL ♪

♪ IN LOVE ♪

♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LOVE DEEP IN MY INNER SOUL ♪

♪ AND FLICK MY EMOTIONS BY YOUR REMOTE CONTROL, I WANT YOU ♪

♪ WE TALK WITH SMILES AND SPEAK WITHOUT WORDS ♪

♪ THAT’S THE SILENT SOUND OF THE SINGING OF BIRDS ♪

♪ BEAUTIFUL, INSIDE OUT, YOU ARE TO ME ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU, GIRL, COME SHARE MY WORLD ♪

♪ YOU SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET AND TAKE MY BREATH AWAY ♪

♪ YOU KEEP IT SHORT AND SWEET ♪

♪ WHAT MORE CAN I SAY? ♪

♪ BEAUTIFUL, INSIDE OUT, YOU ARE TO ME ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU, GIRL, WOULD YOU SHARE MY WORLD? ♪

♪ YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL ♪

♪ SO, LOSE YOURSELF IN THE SWEET LOVE OF MY HANDS ♪

♪ WHATEVER YOU WANT, GIRL, YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND ♪

♪ CUT FROM THE SAME CLOTH, THIS LOVE IS GUARANTEED ♪

♪ I’M HERE FOR YOU, GIRL, TO SET YOUR LOVE FREE ♪

♪ BEAUTIFUL, INSIDE OUT, YOU ARE TO ME ♪

♪ I LOVE YOU, GIRL, COME SHARE MY WORLD ♪

♪ YOU SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET AND TAKE MY BREATH AWAY ♪

♪ YOU KEEP IT SHORT AND SWEET ♪...