Original subtitles

Ann? Ann?

Now, how about this tie?

Oh, it's fine, Jeffrey. And so is the other one and the one before that. But

don't you think this one is better? It's perfect.

Oh, that's what I thought.

It's not too bold and it's not too tame. It's just right. Or do you think

stripes would be better?

Jeffrey, you act as though you've never been to a luncheon. Oh, Ann, it is not

just a luncheon. The Ardmore Men's Club is considering me for membership.

That's why I have to make a very good impression.

Oh, you will. That perfume is $30 an ounce.

Oh,

perfume.

Jeffrey, you better sit by yourself at the luncheon. Why? Oh, I drive men wild

with passion.

That is not funny, Ann.

Oh, Jeff.

Oh, just forgot. Mr. Carey is going to drop by to look at the Harper house.

Not that it's going to do any good.

Oh, isn't that the place that you've had so much trouble selling? Ann, I am a

salesman, not a magician.

Anybody would have trouble selling that house. I didn't mean you were. It's old

and it's run down. It's an eye sore.

It's a blight on the entire neighborhood.

Just like the ropers.

That's a terrible thing to say.

You're right. The house isn't that bad.

Jeffrey. Oh, anyhow, if it's not next door.

Here's the key. If I'm not back in time, just show that white elephant to Mr.

Carey. Oh, boy!

Can I see the white elephant, too?

There really isn't a white elephant.

Then how's a man going to see it? Well, David, you don't understand. You see,

white elephant is just an expression that we use to describe something that

nobody wants.

You mean like that new suit you bought me?

Yeah. No.

David, not many boys your age get to wear a velvet collar.

But why is something that nobody wants called a white elephant?

Why? Well, you see, fella, in India, a white elephant is very rare and is

considered sacred and very valuable.

And your mother will explain the easy part as soon as I leave.

Jeffrey! Goodbye.

Hello. Mrs. Roper, hi.

Oh, what a lovely...

Why don't you run along and play?

You don't know it either, do you?

Ann, I wanted to show you what I got down at the music store. It plays the

beautiful music.

It does?

Oh, no, not this. This is just a practice keyboard. But see, they have

electric organs on sale.

See there?

It's just the right size for our den.

Oh, it's lovely.

Yeah, oh, I'm just dying to get one. I thought it'd be nice if Stanley could

next to me and listen to some romantic songs.

Who knows?

It might put him in the mood.

I didn't know you played.

Oh, we do sometimes.

I meant the organ.

Oh, no, no, I never learned. You see, when I was a little girl, I wanted one

more than anything in the world, but my father said that we shouldn't buy

anything so expensive during the Depression.

Oh, so now you're getting one of your own. Are you kidding? I can't convince

Stanley the Depression is over.

Maybe if he knew how much it meant to you. No, I told him, and he asked me if

wouldn't settle for something a little less expensive.

Like a spinach?

Like a kazoo.

Hello?

Oh, hi.

What?

Oh, no.

She ate a tennis ball?

My Aunt Becky.

She eats tennis balls?

Her dog. Oh.

Listen, I'll be right over to drive you to the vet.

The dog is just lying there, not moving a muscle.

Sounds like it could be serious.

Sounds like it could be Stanley.

Oh, Helen, I just remembered something.

Could you do me a favor? Oh, sure.

Well, there's a man coming to look at the Harper place down the street. If I'm

not back, would you show it to him? Oh, sure. I'd be glad to. Oh, thanks, Ellen.

Here's the key, and I'll put a note on my door telling him to go to your place.

Okay, you just run along, and I'll look after David.

Oh, I'm not putting you out, am I? I mean, you and Stanley don't have plans,

you? I always have plans, but Stanley always has excuses.

Stanley, wouldn't it be simpler if we just bought a new alarm clock?

Ellen, you don't get rid of something just because it doesn't work. That's

I kept you.

doing this.

Doing what?

Making these noises.

I'm learning to play the organ.

We don't have an organ.

I'm learning on this keyboard.

It says that you can learn in just a few hours a day.

C, C, C, C, D, F, G, A, B,

C.

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

Can't you think of something better to do in your spare time?

Probably some dogs answering your call.

Hello, uh, Mrs. Roper?

Yeah? Well, I'm Donald Carey, and this note says that you'd take care of me.

Oh, it'll be a pleasure.

Just wait till I get my key.

Helen, where are you going? Oh, I have to show him something.

I must warn you, I...

peculiar taste.

I think I can satisfy you.

Do you like large bedrooms?

Tell her!

Tell her!

And here's an Ardmore Club emblem for you. Have Mommy sew that right on your

jacket. How come?

Well, to show everyone that Daddy is a member of this very exclusive club.

Isn't that showing off?

Only... Only if you overdo it, son.

Now, how many jackets do you have?

Hi, everybody.

Hi, honey.

Sorry I took so long.

I had to drive Aunt Becky to the vet.

Oh. Isn't she feeling well?

Is her dog going to be okay, Mom?

Oh, sure.

But she'll have to give up tennis.

What key? Oh, the key to the Harper place. I asked Helen to show it to Mr.

Carey. Good idea.

Better waste her time than ours.

Oh, hello.

I brought back your key.

Oh, thank you. I hope we didn't waste your time. Oh, no, not at all. Let's

It's in here someplace.

Where's Mr. Carey? Oh, he left.

Oh, seen enough, eh? Oh, well, he said he'd seen more than enough. Mm -hmm.

did I tell you, Ann?

He left. the neighborhood.

But he had reservations about the place. Well, he did mention a few things.

Did he list them alphabetically?

What? What Jeffrey means is thanks for showing the place, Helen. Yeah, thank

you, thank you, Mrs. Roper. I'm sorry to have bothered you. Oh, it was no

bother. Oh, oh, here's the key. Here. Thank you.

And here, here's the check. Thank you.

Check?

Yeah, well, the check for the down payment.

I sold Mr.

Carey the house.

You sold a white elephant?

You want me to sell an elephant?

I only sold a house.

Only? She only sold a house. Oh, Helen, that's wonderful.

Oh, didn't he mind it being so dark?

Oh, well, he did at first.

Until I explained to him that too much sun fades the furniture.

But the traffic, what about the noise from the traffic right at his front

Oh, well, you see, Mr. Brooks, he's a bachelor and he's kind of lonely.

So I told him to think of all those people going by as family.

But the house has no closet. I know. So I told him that way he wouldn't find any

skeletons.

Ellen, how clever of you to think of...

Why aren't you in school?

Saturday. And why aren't you playing outside?

I want to play inside.

Do you want another suit with a velvet collar?

Why?

Oh, thank you. Thank you, Mrs. Roper, for selling that house.

Oh, it was nothing.

You're right.

Now, come to think of it, the house probably would have sold itself.

What? Oh, just waiting for the right buyer to come along. Just a matter of

Well, I think I'll be getting back. I want to tell Stanley the good news.

I bet he'll be excited.

You think so?

Maybe I better wait till bedtime to tell him.

Oh, it was wonderful.

You know, Link, I took him to this big empty house. What?

Well, you see, Ann was going to do it, but then she got too busy, so she asked

me to do it for her.

What? And I did it.

I did it just like a professional.

Helen, do you know what you're saying?

Proud of you.

And for selling a house.

Selling a house.

That's what you were doing.

You sold a house?

I did it as a favor for Ann.

What is that?

It's the peanut butter sandwich.

With onions and bananas and ketchup?

It just felt like it.

Listen, what about the commission?

What do you mean?

I'm not a salesman. Why should I get a commission?

Never mind that. You should get paid for this.

I did Ann a favor. You don't get paid for doing favors.

What did Brooks say when you told him you sold? He said thank you. Thank you?

That's thanks for you.

They're our neighbors. They're our friends.

Do you realize what you could have bought for yourself with that money?

A new power drill?

A set of chrome -plated wrenches?

Forget it. Forget it? Oh, no, no, no.

You earned that money, and we deserve it.

Stanley, they're my friends, and I did it as a favor. That's right. They're

favorites.

Helen did you a real big favor, didn't she? Oh, she sure did.

Have you figured out what you're going to do about the commission? Oh, as soon

as she told me the good news, I knew what I was going to do.

Oh, Jeffrey, she'll be so thrilled.

Really? I didn't think she was that interested in the club.

Huh? Well, the Ardmore Men's Club.

You see, the commission will just cover my initiation fee.

Aren't you going to give some of it to Helen? Oh, I can't. She's not a regular

salesman. She's better than the regular salesman. She sold it.

You're right.

I ought to show my appreciation.

Right. I'll give her a nice bottle of wine.

I'll give her a nice case of wine.

And I can't give her too much. I mean, she was doing us a favor. It would

embarrass her. Honey, you know how sensitive I am.

I hate embarrassing people.

She'd like an organ.

Oh, which one should I give her? My heart?

My gallbladder? An electric organ.

Do you realize how much that would cost? Yeah, about half your commission.

That's unthinkable.

Helen has always wanted an organ. Stanley won't get her one. Well, she's

getting one from me either.

Jeffrey.

I was thinking, wouldn't it be nice to go to bed early tonight?

Whatever heaven wants, heaven gets.

I bet you right now Brooks is trying to figure out ways how to live it up on our

commission. Oh, Stanley, will you knock it off? You've talked about nothing else

for hours.

I'm sure Mr. Brooks appreciates what I did. That's enough.

Appreciates.

Appreciates. Let's say, Helen.

Ah, you made me paint my foot.

Do you realize how much commission is involved in the selling of that house?

Let's see, about... I'll tell you exactly how much.

give me something.

Helen, in life, you don't get anything unless you ask for it.

That doesn't always work.

Look, Stanley, I'm not going to ask him for it. I'm sure he's just waiting for

the right opportunity.

Okay, let's go give it to him.

Okay, and you'll see how wrong you are.

It's the Ropers. Now, remember, don't say anything about our getting him the

organ. It's got to be a surprise.

Helen! Helen!

And Stanley!

And Stanley!

Come in, come in.

What can we do for you?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

We just, um, we just thought we'd drop by because we're, uh, in the

neighborhood.

because we have something really nice for you. I thought you would. Oh, I hope

you enjoy it.

I know I will.

I think you'll love it.

I'm sure I will.

Well, did you? Did I what? Enjoy it. The wine.

The wine?

The wine was it? Yes, it's a new California burgundy. We know how you

the finer things.

We're out of beer.

Speaking of appreciation.

I understand that Helen sold hops. Oh, yes, she did.

Anybody care for cheese? We have some ripe gorgonzola.

No, thank you. There's enough that smells around here already.

There's a lot of work involved in selling a house.

There sure is.

Olives, anyone?

And there's a lot of money involved in selling a house.

Yes, it's quite a business. More wine. No, thank you.

Am I right?

Sally keeps changing the subject?

You gonna ask him? No!

I heard you the first time.

I didn't mean about the wine. I meant, well... I bet there's a pile of money to

be made in just selling one house.

Ah, yes, say, could I tempt you to some marvelous bologna?

There's plenty out here now.

Just feel so lucky to have sold that house. I mean, can you imagine me doing

thing like that?

Oh, Helen, I'm sorry.

I've been meaning to talk to you about that.

You have.

Well, hey.

Thanks again.

I'll get it.

Satisfied, Brooks?

Oh, yes. Thank you very much.

Oh, it's so difficult to express one's thanks in mere words.

You seem to manage.

Well, who was that, honey?

Just the delivery man with a package for someone else.

Oh.

It's very early, so if you could just... Oh, of course.

Is that all you're going to say?

Have a nice night.

You too.

Well, I got something to say.

You got a lot of nerve.

Thank you.

My wife sells a house for you and makes a lot of money for you, right? A lot.

Now, don't deny it. A lot of money.

Poor woman does you a favor, and the thought of a reward never even enters

head. And what does she get?

No reward. Come on, stand up. Don't stand on me.

Never trust a bald man.

You're always out to scalp somebody else.

Mr. Brooks! I'll take care of him.

Mr. Brooks!

Mr. Brooks!

Mr. Brooks!

Helen, Helen, I'm fighting and you're hugging him.

Tell him he's no good.

You're wonderful.

This is really very hard for me to... He'd kiss him.

How can I ever thank you? Keep him in the house.

That's it. That's it. I stand up for you and you lie down and you let him walk

all over you.

I think you all ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

Isn't that a beautiful organ?

Yeah.

I wonder how much we can get for it.

It wasn't me.

Bud, it wasn't you. Who was it? It was you.

Me? Yeah. It was that last high note you hit.

What? That last beautiful high note. The glass just shattered in my hand.

you